109. I Regret All My Life that I Resisted Almighty God
Shangqiu City, Henan Province
I was formerly a shepherding worker of the “Hua Xuehe sect.” At the end of 1997, the leader said in a meeting, “Now there is a ‘Reaper Church.’ They believe in a ‘queen,’ who is called Almighty God. It’s a mafia, which has guns and cannons and pays its members. If you don’t accept their way after listening to their message, they will kill your whole family! …” Hearing this, I said at once, “The Bible doesn’t say God is female. It must be a false Christ, a deceiver!” After the meeting, I called the church workers together and conveyed every word of the leader to them. And I told them again and again, “No one can listen to Almighty God’s message! Whoever listens is an apostate and will be expelled at once!” Even so, I was still worried, and I often went to inspect the churches in case some believers would listen to the message of Almighty God.
In September 1998, I went to the home of Brother Li of our sect. There I saw a stranger. From his words I knew that he was a believer in Almighty God. So I shouted at Brother Li angrily, “A faithful servant shall not serve two lords. Why did you ‘convert’ to the ‘Eastern Lightning’? Do you have any conscience? …” Then, I hastened to the churches and announced, “Li X has followed Almighty God. He is an apostate! No one shall receive him anymore!” At the end of September, more than ten workers also accepted Almighty God’s work of the last days. The news made me furious. I rebuked them when I met them, “What did I tell you? Have you forgotten it? They believe in a ‘queen,’ a false Christ. It’s a mafia. They have guns and cannons. If you want to drop out after accepting their way, they will kill your whole family! Return their book to them quickly! Don’t contact them anymore! …” Threatened and frightened by me, they could not but return the books. I was very happy as I thought that I had protected the flock for God.
Though I ran around everywhere and spared no effort in sealing off the churches, the condition of the churches gradually declined. The co-workers raised jealousy and strife, and the brothers and sisters became weak and passive. Many brothers and sisters returned to the world to earn money, and many others turned to Almighty God. The churches fell into a mess. Facing this, I was very worried, but I had no way to reverse it. I suffered so much within yet could find no one to pour it out. Just at that time, the news came that Hua Xuehe died of a sudden illness. It made me feel even worse. A feeling of loss and emptiness welled up in me, and I was depressed all day long… In October 1998, I had a strange disease (low fever and coughing) and the doctor couldn’t tell what disease I had. It wasn’t cured after several months. These things that happened to me one after another made me lose heart in believing in God. But as I wasn’t willing to let my years of effort come to naught, I could only follow, yet in a passive way. Just when I was in a dilemma and had no way out, Almighty God’s great love came upon me.
In April 2001, persuaded by a relative, I listened to the testimony given by a brother. He talked about why man should believe in God, what it meant to believe in God, and what a religious belief was, and fellowshipped about God’s working principles by referring to the Bible: First, God’s work is always new and never old and won’t be repeated. Second, God’s work counters man’s notions. Third, God does His work by ages, stages, and steps. He also fellowshipped about the inside truth and the substance of the work in the Age of Law and in the Age of Grace. All these were what I had never heard of. From his fellowship, I understood many things in the Bible that had puzzled me. Enlightened by the Holy Spirit greatly, I became better in spirit. Then the brother talked about the differences between the true Christ and false Christs in detail. He said, “First, the incarnate God is called Christ. Christ is completely God Himself in substance and is the flesh God’s Spirit is realized in. He has a normal humanity and full divinity, and He doesn’t get married and start a career. A false Christ, however, comes from filthiness and is a corrupt body which an unclean spirit is clothed with. He is a created being corrupted by Satan. He doesn’t have God’s substance. He gets married and has wife and children. Second, Christ can open a new age and end the old age. He can do a new work (the work of reaping and uniting, which is recorded in Matthew 13:39, Isaiah 2:2, and Ephesians 1:10). A false Christ, however, can’t do such a work. Third, Christ can do a higher work on the basis of the former work according to man’s need, doing the work of removing sins and purifying man. A false Christ, however, can only follow in the wake of God and imitate the work God has done, such as healing the sick and driving out demons and performing miracles, to deceive people. (cf. Matthew 24:24) He can’t show people any new way of practice and can only lead people to a dead end…” After that, he read me the following words of Almighty God: “He comes into the flesh only to do the work He is supposed to do, not to live man’s life of being born to parents, growing up, forming a family and starting a career, having children, or experiencing life’s ups and downs—all the activities of normal life. God coming to earth is God’s Spirit being brought to the flesh, coming into the flesh, but God does not live a normal human life. He only comes to accomplish one part in His management plan. After that He will leave mankind.” (from “The Essential Difference Between the Incarnate God and People Used by God” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) “God become flesh is called Christ, and so the Christ that can give people the truth is called God. There is nothing excessive about this, for He possesses the substance of God, and possesses God’s disposition, and wisdom in His work, that are unattainable by man. Those who call themselves Christ, yet cannot do the work of God, are frauds. Christ is not merely the manifestation of God on earth, but also the particular flesh assumed by God as He carries out and completes His work among man. This flesh is not one that can be replaced by just any man, but one that can adequately bear God’s work on earth, and express the disposition of God, and well represent God, and provide man with life. Sooner or later, those fake Christs will all fall, for although they claim to be Christ, they possess none of the substance of Christ. And so I say that the authenticity of Christ cannot be defined by man, but is answered and decided by God Himself.” (from “Only Christ of the Last Days Can Give Man the Way of Eternal Life” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) After hearing these words, I pondered them over and measured Hua Xuehe against them: Right! God is holy and He doesn’t get married and start a career, while Hua Xuehe had a wife and children and many grandchildren. God always does new work and never repeats His work and He can open a new age and do a new work, while Hua Xuehe didn’t open a new age or do a new work but only imitated the work Jesus had done, healing the sick and driving out demons and performing miracles. Hua Xuehe said all other denominations and sects would turn to him, but the fact was that other denominations and sects not only didn’t turn to him, but he himself died instead. I was really so blind and ignorant that I treated him as Christ!
After hearing the brother’s fellowship, although I gained some knowledge of God’s new work, I still couldn’t understand why God was incarnated as a female. So I put forward this question. The brother smiled and said, “Many people couldn’t understand it at first. They all thought that since the Lord Jesus was male, God should be male. This is a wrong knowledge that not only we but the entire religious world has. In fact, God is Spirit in substance and He has no gender at all. He puts on the shell of a created being only because He has to be incarnated to do His work. For example, Jesus’ flesh was a male, but the gender of His flesh doesn’t mean anything special. When God is incarnated, He can put on the shell of a male or a female. Whether His flesh is male or female, His substance is Spirit and won’t change. In Genesis 1:27, it says, ‘So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.’ From this, we know that since God created man and woman in His image, He can be incarnated as a male or a female.” Then, he read another passage of God’s word to me: “Each stage of work done by God has a real significance. When Jesus arrived, He was male, and this time He is female. From this, you can see that God created both male and female for His work and with Him there is no distinction of gender. When His Spirit arrives, He can take on any flesh at will and the flesh represents Him. Be it male or female, both represent God as long as it is His incarnate flesh. If Jesus arrived and appeared as a female, in other words, if the conception by the Holy Spirit was to an infant girl and not a boy, that stage of work would have been completed all the same. If so, this stage of work would have to be completed instead by a male and the work would then be completed all the same. The work done in both stages is significant; no work is repeated or conflicts with each other. … With God there is no distinction of gender. His work is done as He wishes and is not subject to any restrictions, particularly free, but every stage has a real significance.” (from “The Two Incarnations Complete the Significance of the Incarnation” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) Hearing these words of the truth, I was completely convinced. “God’s deed is really so wonderful and unfathomable! God’s work is beyond man’s imagination! If it were not for the enlightenment of God’s words today, I, an ignorant man, would never understand that God is Spirit in substance and has no gender. The more God’s work is discordant with man’s notions, the more it is the truth, and the more it is our need. Facing such truth, who will not fall before it? Who will not be ashamed?” As I thought back to my evil deeds of resisting, condemning, and blaspheming God, a feeling of guilt rose in my heart. “O God! I believe in You and enjoy Your grace but I’ve resisted You and sealed off the churches, so that many brothers and sisters couldn’t come before You. I have hindered the spreading of Your gospel of the last days in our area and acted as a Pharisee of the present age. I’m really unworthy to be a believer in God, worse than a beast indeed! Almighty God, what I did has brought You too much sorrow and grief. Even if I offer all I have, I can’t comfort Your broken heart. For the rest of my life, I will devote myself to cooperating with Your gospel work in a practical way to repay the price You have paid on me!”
After I accepted Almighty God’s work, the brother often travelled on a bicycle for more than 30 miles to fellowship with me. I felt much indebted to him and wanted to give him some money to pay his fare and buy food on the way, but he refused. I said, “The money was offered by the brothers and sisters when I was in the ‘Hua Xuehe sect.’ Just take it!” The brother said, “Since it was offered by the brothers and sisters, it should belong to the church and no one is allowed to use it. It is stipulated in Article 3 of the Ten Administrative Decrees God’s Chosen People Must Keep: ‘The money and the material things of God’s family, including all the possessions, are offerings that man should offer. These offerings can only be enjoyed by the priest and God, and no one else can enjoy them, because the offerings offered by man are for God to enjoy, but God only bestows the offerings to the priest to share, and no one else has the qualification and right to enjoy any of them. All the offerings offered by man (including the money and the material things for enjoyment) are offered to God but not to man. So man should not enjoy these things. If man enjoys these things, he is stealing offerings. All such ones are a Judas, because Judas not only sold the Lord but also stole the money in the purse.’ It is God’s uplifting that we can be saved today. Spreading the gospel to testify God is the duty we created beings should perform. It’s nothing to suffer a little from riding a bicycle…” His answer aroused my admiration. “The brothers and sisters who believe in Almighty God are really different.” During the time that followed, I saw that many brothers and sisters continued to perform their duty despite rain or shine, summer or winter, or busy farming season. And even when those gospel friends insulted and abused them, or beat them and called the police, they didn’t lose heart and still carried out God’s will uncomplainingly—spreading the kingdom gospel. When I saw these facts with my own eyes, I shed tears. I couldn’t find the words to express my indebtedness to Almighty God and the brothers and sisters! Brothers and sisters who haven’t yet come before God, do you think they are a “mafia”? Are there such mafiosi in the world who can suffer so much to persuade people to believe in God? Are there such mafiosi who “have guns and cannons” yet bear humiliations to spread the gospel? The facts proved that those rumors were all deceptive lies, pure slanders, and sheer smears against the true way! In the past, as I was blind, ignorant, and devoid of discernment, I was deceived by those rumors. And I even spread them everywhere to bind the brothers and sisters and became an evil servant who resisted God. Now, when I think of this, I’m really heartbroken with regret. Here, I want to tell my sincere hope to all brothers and sisters who haven’t yet come before God: Clear your spiritual eyes and discern right from wrong. Don’t be deceived by those people who have ulterior motives. Come before Almighty God, Christ of the last days quickly! Only Almighty God can save us from darkness and lead us to take the true way of human life!