59. Yesterday I Resisted Almighty God in Corruption; Today I Am Willing to Sacrifice My Life for Him
Huhhot City, Inner Mongolia Autonomous Region
I was born into a Christian family. Under the influence of my family, I began to read the Bible and practice living a godly life from childhood. As I grew older, I began to assiduously study the background of the Bible and the church history, and I could hardly tear myself away from the messages of Brother Nee and Brother Lee. Later, I became a leader and a national and international co-worker of the Local Church in Inner Mongolia. Since childhood, by God’s grace I had enjoyed God’s numerous blessings and experienced God’s salvation several times. But when God, who endured great humiliations and sufferings, was incarnated in this filthy and corrupt place again to do the work of salvation, I rejected, opposed, attacked, slandered, and even blasphemed Him. Whenever I think of these, I’m bitterly regretful and deeply feel that I’m unpardonably wicked and deserve more than death.
Ten years ago, an old sister told me, “Some people say that Jesus has come back, and He is in China and is a female.” Without thinking, I said, “Impossible! How could we not know if the Lord has come back? How could the Lord possibly come back before we receive the revelation? Moreover, it’s impossible for the Lord to come to China, much less be a female. Our Lord Jesus is a male. It must be the deception of a false Christ in the last days. It is to disrupt God’s management plan. In these last days, we must stand testimony for the Lord and can never be deceived by them.” Two days later after saying these words, I received God’s punishment. I suddenly got acute appendicitis and had an operation in the hospital. But I thought that it was caused by my busy and hard work for the Lord, not a punishment for resisting God.
In 1995, once when I had a meeting with the co-workers from Hebei Province, an old brother said that someone gave him a book named “The Lightning Coming from the East.” After I discussed with the co-workers, we burned it. And we also warned the brothers and sisters in every place, “You must reject the people who preached the ‘Eastern Lightning.’ No matter how well they preach, you can’t hear, nor read their book. Once you do it, you will be deceived and lured away from the body of the Christ. Don’t read any other books apart from the Bible and our Life-studies. Our visions and revelation are the highest and beyond all comparison.”
In the summer of 1997, one sister and four brothers in the Local Church in Huhhot accepted God’s work of the last days. After learning of it, I stamped with rage. In desperation, I called together several co-workers, and then we drove to disturb them that very night. I said to them, “You don’t understand God’s management plan, so you were fooled for a moment. Now come back quickly and confess your sin, and ask the Lord to forgive you. If you don’t turn back quickly, you will lose everything, and in the end you will be punished by God and perish with Satan.” Because of my disturbance and threats, the sister and the three brothers forsook the true way and resumed their old life. Only Brother Zhang stood testimony for God. But I persisted in my disturbance of him, eager to drag him back. After wrestling with him for some time, I thought that he was irredeemable. So I announced that he was expelled from the church and informed the brothers and sisters in all the churches that no one was allowed to associate with him, and even his family must be separated. Finally I even frenziedly wrote comments on the book of God’s word the brother brought. At that time, I sighed for the brother and felt sympathetic toward his wife and children. I bitterly hated those who preached the “Eastern Lightning” and made a resolution to resist them to the end. Since then, I gathered a great many Life-studies and various messages from home and abroad and distributed them to the brothers and sisters. And I also invited the co-workers from home and abroad to Inner Mongolia to fellowship. Moreover, I often warned the brothers and sisters that only if they were in the body could they be kept, have peace and joy, and become overcomers to be raptured. However, after warning them, I lost peace and joy. And my four-year-old son suddenly had acute appendicitis and was operated on. Seeing my child crying with an unbearable pain and my wife shedding tears with grief, I only considered it as an attack from Satan. I didn’t examine my deeds and words, nor was I alerted because of God’s discipline, but I still did the work of resisting God.
I sealed off the churches desperately and led the brothers and sisters to resist and condemn Almighty God’s work frenziedly. As a result, the believers in the churches under my leading all refused the kind exhortations of the brothers and sisters who preached the kingdom gospel, and they abused, slandered, and attacked them, and even gave them bashes and kicks, forcing them to leave with tears. Because of our evil doings, we received God’s retributions. Between 1992 and 2000, many people in the Local Church in Inner Mongolia were punished by God’s wrath because of their malicious attacks and condemnations against the work of the last days of Almighty God. They suffered torments of various illnesses, and twelve people died. These blows didn’t wake me up, but on the contrary, I mistakenly took them as “God’s trials” and still thought that I was the one who was most faithful, hard-working, and able to pay the price for the sake of the Lord and the Church.
On October 11, 2000, I went to Malaysia’s capital city Kuala Lumpur to attend an international co-workers’ meeting. That three-day meeting plunged me into perplexity and I couldn’t see any light and hope. During the meeting, we talked about being in one accord, but actually the co-workers fought with each other for power and profit; we talked about the unity of the body of Christ, but actually the co-workers were divided; we talked about the vitality of a new man, but actually we were in an old and dead state; we talked about multiplying and expanding, but actually the number of people in the local churches dropped sharply; we talked about being watchful and prepared, but actually many people slept in the meeting; we talked about the flow of the Holy Spirit moving forward, but actually the churches were stagnant and even backslid… I felt that my many years of pursuit had gone in vain and I didn’t know how to walk the way ahead. On October 14, I returned home in dejection.
Just when I had no way to go, God’s salvation came upon me. The brothers and sisters who believed in Almighty God wisely took me to a host family and had a fellowship with me. At first, the brothers fellowshipped about the purpose of God’s management plan and how God saved mankind, and then they fellowshipped about God’s will, Satan’s schemes, the need of the corrupt mankind, God’s work and man’s practice, the historical background, conditions, and decisive factors for the age to turn, and the way we should choose today after drawing a lesson from the Jews’ failure. At that time, I felt what they fellowshipped was fresh and was what I had never heard, but because I was arrogant and self-right, I couldn’t drop myself to receive the truth with a humble heart. The brothers and sisters kept exhorting me in tears and even skipped meals and sleep to pray for me, so I reluctantly stayed there and continued to fellowship with them. I couldn’t find anything discordant with the Bible in their fellowship, nor could I deny that the age would turn, the wheel of the history would not cease, much less turn back, the flow of the Holy Spirit would move forward, and God’s work would never stop. But in my heart I thought what they preached might be the “Eastern Lightning.” So I just took a rejecting attitude according to my notions, imaginations, and theories. However, I never expected that the more I resisted, the more I felt bad and darkness within. For many days I wasn’t able to eat or sleep as if I lived in a bottomless pit. The brothers and sisters kept exhorting me in tears, but I always refused them flatly. I thought even if I had to die, I would not betray the Lord Jesus but would hold fast to Jesus’ name. Seeing this, the brothers and sisters shed tears and prayed for me all day long, hoping that I could turn back from the wrong path earlier. I also prayed for them. While I prayed, I surprisingly found that there was a very peaceful and steady feeling within me, which was the feeling of life. I sought and prayed earnestly before God, “Dear Lord Jesus, You are the Ruler of all things, the only true God. You know my past, present, and future. I’m willing to consecrate myself for Your will again. Now I fear going into a wrong way and leaving You and also fear becoming an eternal sinner who disobeys and resists You because of my blindness and ignorance. May You open my spiritual eyes, and I’m willing to pay the price for the “eye medicine” so that I can know what way I should take.” Under the enlightenment of the Holy Spirit, I remembered the situation in that international co-workers’ meeting; I remembered the desolate, divided, chaotic state of the local churches at home and abroad; I even more remembered that although I had preached about transformation and pursued it for many years, by now I was still poor, pitiful, and naked, and my thoughts were full of filth and corruption. I was in a very pitiable state. The initial zeal and love had long been lost and were replaced by letters and doctrines, self-importance, and arrogance. The truths we had preached before such as being humble, being obedient, hungering and thirsting for righteousness, mourning in the spirit, denying self, suffering, taking the way of the cross, loving enemies, and so on, had long become empty letters without any reality. Then a series of questions that had puzzled me for many years came to my mind: 1. If man can do the work of ending the Age of Grace and opening the Age of Kingdom, Brother Lee should be the most suitable one. But Brother Lee has passed away; then how will the age turn? 2. Brother Lee could interpret the Bible and even “interpret” the New Jerusalem, but why couldn’t he lead us into the Age of Kingdom? 3. Brother Lee said that man could become God, but why didn’t he himself become God but died? 4. Brother Lee once preached that in 2000 the corporate new man would appear, but why haven’t we seen it by now? 5. Brother Lee said that the overcomers would be in the Local Church in China, but why are they slow to appear among us? 6. We have pursued to be raptured alive for years, but why has no one among us been raptured until now, but instead, more and more people died? I gathered up all my courage and asked the brothers to fellowship about these questions. I thought that I would surely be rejected because of my condemnation and resistance. However, it was not as I expected. The brothers explained each question very clearly in a more sincere, patient, and detailed way. And moreover, with regard to my notions, they read me these words of God in “The Mystery of the Incarnation (1)”: “The work of ushering in a new age cannot be done by man in God’s place. It cannot be done by any other than God Himself. All the work done by man is performing his duty as one of creation and is done when moved or enlightened by the Holy Spirit. The guidance that such men provide is how to practice in man’s daily life and how man should act to the will of God. The work of man neither involves the management of God nor represents the work of the Spirit. As an example, the work of Witness Lee and Watchman Nee was to lead the way. Be the way new or old, the work was done on the basis of not exceeding the principles of the Bible. Whether the local churches were restored or built, their work was to establish churches. The work they did carried on the work that Jesus and His apostles had not finished or further developed in the Age of Grace. What they did in their work was to restore what Jesus had asked in His work of the generations after Him, such as keeping their heads covered, baptism, breaking bread, or drinking wine. It could be said that their work was to keep merely to the Bible and seek paths only from within the Bible. They made no new progress at all. Therefore, one can see in their work only the discovery of new ways within the Bible, as well as better and more realistic practices. But one cannot find in their work the present will of God, much less find the new work that God will do in the last days. This is because the path they walked was still one of old; there was no progress and nothing new. They continued to keep the fact of ‘the crucifixion of Jesus,’ the practice of ‘asking people to repent and confess their sins,’ the saying that ‘he who endures to the end shall be saved,’ and the saying that ‘man is the head of woman, and woman must obey her husband.’ Moreover, they kept the traditional conception that ‘sisters cannot preach, and they can only obey.’ If such manner of leadership continued, then the Holy Spirit would never be able to carry out new work, set men free from doctrine, or lead men into a realm of freedom and beauty. Therefore, this stage of work for the change of ages must be done and spoken by God Himself, otherwise no man can do so in His stead. Thus far, all the work of the Holy Spirit outside of this stream has come to a standstill, and those who were used by the Holy Spirit have lost their bearings. … That is to say, the essence of the work done by man is to ‘keep to convention’ and to ‘walk old paths in new shoes.’ This means that even the path walked by the men used by the Holy Spirit is built upon that opened up by God Himself. So man is after all man, and God is God.”
“Some may wonder, Why must the age be ushered in by God Himself? Cannot a created being stand in His stead? You are all aware that God becomes flesh expressly for the purpose of ushering in a new age, and, of course, when He ushers in a new age, He has concluded the former age at the same time. God is the Beginning and the End; it is He Himself who carries out His work and so it must be He Himself who concludes the former age. That is the proof that He defeats Satan and conquers the world. Each time He Himself works among man, it is the beginning of a new battle. Without the beginning of new work, there would naturally be no conclusion of the old. And no conclusion of the old is proof that the battle with Satan has yet to come to a close. Only if God Himself comes among man and carries out new work can man fully break free of the domain of Satan and gain a new life and new beginning. Otherwise, man shall forever live in the old age and forever live under the old influence of Satan. With every age led by God, a part of man is set free, and thus man advances along with the work of God toward the new age. The victory of God is a victory for all those who follow Him. If mankind of creation were charged with concluding the age, then be it from the viewpoint of man or Satan, this is no more than an act that opposes or betrays God, not one of obedience to God, and the work of man would thus give a handle to Satan. Only if man obeys and follows God in an age ushered in by God Himself would Satan be fully convinced, for that is the duty of a created being. And so I say that you need only follow and obey, and no more is asked of you. That is what is meant by each keeping his duty and performing his function. God does His own work and does not need for man to do His work in His stead, nor does He involve Himself in the work of created beings. Man performs his own duty and does not interfere with the work of God, and that is true obedience and proof that Satan is defeated. After God Himself has ushered in the new age, He no longer works among man Himself. It is only then that man officially steps into the new age to perform his duty and carry out his mission as a created being. Such are the working principles that can be transgressed by none. Only working in this way is sensible and reasonable. The work of God is done by God Himself. It is He who sets His work in motion, and also He who concludes it. It is He who plans the work, and also He who manages it, and even more, it is He who brings the work to fruition. It is as stated in the Bible, ‘I am the Beginning and the End; I am the Sower and the Reaper.’ All that is related to the work of His management is done by His hand. He is the Ruler of the six-thousand-year management plan; none can do His work in His stead or bring His work to a close, for it is He who is in control of all. Since He created the world, He will lead the entire world to live in His light, and He will conclude the entire age to bring all of His plan to fruition!” God’s words greatly enlightened me. I felt very excited and continued to listen to their fellowship attentively.
One brother said, “Concerning the Lord’s coming back, let’s fellowship about it in detail. You may think, ‘Revelation 1:7 says, “Behold, he comes with clouds; and every eye shall see him, and they also which pierced him: and all kindreds of the earth shall wail because of him. …” Since the Lord has come, why haven’t we seen Him?’ Let’s see Revelation 3:3, ‘… If therefore you shall not watch, I will come on you as a thief, and you shall not know what hour I will come on you.’ And 1 Thessalonians 5:2 says, ‘For yourselves know perfectly that the day of the Lord so comes as a thief in the night.’ 2 Peter 3:10 says, ‘But the day of the Lord will come as a thief….’ Matthew 25:6 says, ‘And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom comes; go you out to meet him.’ And Matthew 26:36 says, ‘But of that day and hour knows no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.’ These verses also prophesy about the Lord’s coming back, but they say that no one knows it. How do we explain this? In fact, these prophecies will be fulfilled in two steps. In the first step the Lord will descend in a hidden way and appear to the wise virgins, like a thief stealing the treasures. For the Scripture says, ‘which no man knows saving he that receives it.’ (Revelation 2:17) Concerning ‘in a hidden way,’ it means that not all people know it and it isn’t made public. God has His time to make it public. When God appears publicly to punish the evil, every eye will see, and those who pierced Him will also see. Yet, after seeing, people will be wailing and gnashing their teeth because of His coming. At that time people will surely see, but it will be already late.” After hearing this, I was suddenly enlightened. I thought to myself, “Why do they know so much? What they’ve spoken about is a hundred times more clear and practical than Brother Lee’s Life-studies.” At that time, my foundation built on notions, imaginations, and letters and doctrines that I held to for years began to be shaken. Then the brothers read me these words of God in “Preface”: “‘God’ and ‘man’ cannot be spoken of as equals. His substance and His work are most unfathomable and incomprehensible to man. If God does not personally do His work and speak His words in the world of man, then man would never be able to understand the will of God, and even those who have devoted their entire life to God would be incapable of gaining His approval. Without God’s work, no matter how good man’s doing, it will count for nothing, for the thoughts of God shall always be higher than the thoughts of man, and the wisdom of God is unfathomable to man. And so I say that those who ‘clearly see’ God and His work are ineffectual, they are all arrogant and ignorant. Man should not define the work of God; moreover, man cannot define the work of God. In the eyes of God, man is smaller than an ant, so how can man fathom God’s work? Those who are constantly saying, ‘God does not work in this or that way’ or ‘God is like this or that’—are they not all arrogant? We should all know that people, who are of the flesh, have all been corrupted by Satan. It is their nature to oppose God, and they are not on a parity with God, much less can they offer counsel for the work of God. How God guides man is the work of God Himself. Man should submit, and should not hold such and such a view, for man is but dust. Since we try to seek God, we should not superimpose our ideas on the work of God for God’s consideration, least of all should we employ our corrupt disposition to deliberately try to oppose the work of God. Would that not make us antichrists? How could such people say that they believe in God? Since we believe that there is a God, and since we wish to satisfy Him and to see Him, we should seek the way of truth, and should look for a way to be compatible with God. We should not stand in stiff-necked opposition to God; what good could come of such actions?” After reading these words of God, I became more clear within, and I also became more fearful. Recalling my years of “service,” I thought, “Isn’t my service like the service of Paul, who fell on the road to Damascus? Isn’t it all doing evil?” At that moment, I felt as if a knife were being twisted in my heart, and tears of regret gushed out. I deeply felt that I didn’t deserve to receive God’s salvation or come before God. In the past, I resisted and disobeyed God too many times, and I hindered and harmed the brothers and sisters too many times so that they couldn’t return before God. I didn’t know how many souls I had ruined. I really felt that I didn’t deserve to live on earth. But then I thought that since I received God’s such salvation, I shouldn’t receive it in vain but should bring the brothers and sisters in darkness back to God as early as possible to repay one ten thousandth of God’s love.
On November 14, I returned home. At first I could persist in prayer and fellowship with the brothers and sisters normally. After a period of time, I began to consider my position, fame, career, family, and people’s rejection, so I was unwilling to eat and drink God’s word or fellowship with the brothers and sisters and intended to leave God, who had been seeking me for many years. At this juncture, my wife suddenly was ill and hospitalized and had to have an operation. I thought that this was the last warning and discipline God gave me. When I knelt down before God again, I didn’t even know how to pray to God. I only felt that I had deceived God and the brothers and sisters once again. Only then did I deeply feel that I was extremely corrupt and didn’t have any conscience and sense at all. I lost confidence in myself and thought that I had no face to see the brothers and sisters again. So I decided to say goodbye to them, leaving myself being afflicted and trampled by Satan. However, when I bade farewell to them, the brothers and sisters present all knelt down on the ground and prayed for me with bitter tears, asking God to move my numb heart… At that moment, I seemed to see that God’s heart was dripping blood for me. I cried… I cried because of God’s great love for me, because of the price God had paid for me, because of the sufferings the brothers and sisters had endured for me, and because of my stubbornness and numbness. God’s love awakened me, melt my heart, and saved me from death once again. From then on, I formally stepped on the journey of following the returned Savior, Almighty God.
After experiencing several years of God’s work of judgment and chastisement, I have known my corrupt nature of being arrogant, self-right, self-important and self-conceited, known mankind’s substance of disobeying and resisting God, seen that man’s true face is Satan, understood the whole course of God’s saving mankind, and known how Satan has corrupted mankind. So I firmly believe that Almighty God, whom I’m following, is the only true God. He is Jehovah who led men to live on earth in the Age of Law, is the Lord Jesus who redeemed mankind in the Age of Grace, and is even more Almighty God who does the work of judgment and chastisement today in the Age of Kingdom. He is God Himself who is almighty, all-wise, wondrous, and unfathomable. He not only could accomplish the redemptive work in the image of a Jewish man, but can even accomplish and end His six-thousand-year management plan in the image of an Eastern woman. He is not only the God of the Israelites, but also the God of the Americans, the British, and even more the God of the Chinese. He is the God of all created beings. He can do His own work freely in any country or race, and He is the true Almighty God who is omnipotent and ominipresent.
Dear brothers and sisters, from my experience, do you think that I was too hardened? Have you seen that God has expended painstaking effort and price on me? Have you seen all that God has expended in saving each of us? Indeed, whenever I think of my past experience, I’m filled with remorse and a deep feeling that I have been too deeply corrupted by Satan and is unworthy of God’s such salvation. But from my own experience, I even more see how much price God has paid in order to save us who are living in darkness and see God’s anxious heart to save men and God’s selfless love. So I’d like to take this opportunity to give a testimony to you so that you can also see the appearing of the true Almighty God and return before God’s throne earlier so as to let God’s heart be consoled soon.