9. God’s Words Led Me From the Tragedy of Marriage
By Gan’en, China
I used to have a harmonious, happy family and I was the office manager and human resources manager for a company. My husband was the office manager for the electricity bureau and he headed one of their subsidiary companies. He was soon to be promoted to deputy director of the bureau. And our son was really smart. Our family of three lived a happy life and everyone we knew admired us. Just as I was reveling in this happiness and harmony, something terrible happened. My husband got involved with the wife of his personal driver. This sudden blow was absolutely earth-shattering for me. I couldn’t eat or sleep for several days. I was filled with anger and resentment and I felt so humiliated. I was in such pain I even wanted to die. Just as I was holding the bottle of poison in my hand and was about to pass through the gates of death, I thought about my mother and my young son. If I died, how could my elderly mother possibly withstand the pain of having to bury her own daughter? My son, so young, would have to go through so many hardships in life. His dad couldn’t be relied on anymore, so if he lost his mom, wouldn’t he essentially be an orphan? My heart softened at these thoughts. I knelt down, sobbing, and scattered those toxic pills all over the floor.
After some time, I clawed my way out of that pain somewhere between life and death, but I didn’t regain the peaceful life I’d once had. I hated that woman to the marrow of my bones and felt that she was the cause of all of my pain, that she had destroyed our perfectly happy family. I thought, “If you won’t let me have a good life, I won’t let you live in peace. Since you’re making me suffer this way, I’ll make sure you pay twice over.” I assaulted her and got people to go to her house to smash things up, so she was too scared to go back home. Even though I had her in a panic, in an awful predicament, I was still in pain. I just couldn’t escape from the shadow of my broken home.
Just then, an acquaintance shared the gospel of the Lord Jesus with me and gave me a copy of the Bible. Reading it, the Lord Jesus’ tolerance, patience, and forgiveness really touched me. I read about Him, without sin, being crucified to redeem mankind and it made me wonder why I couldn’t forgive my husband and that woman just once. I prayed to the Lord to give me strength, to give me the tolerance and patience to forgive them. My husband and I stopped fighting and I didn’t lash out at that woman when I saw her, either. But I still couldn’t let go of the grudge I held. I just forced myself to tolerate it for the sake of my family, my son, and for my life going forward. But to my surprise, not only did my husband not show restraint, but he made things even worse. He abandoned his job and eloped with that woman. How could I just swallow that? How could I take that kind of betrayal from my husband? I’d given up my chance to get into the procuratorate and be promoted for my husband, I’d taken care of our child, cooked, and taken on all the housework for my husband, I’d run all over the place pulling strings to get my husband promoted. But all I got in return was my husband betraying me, hurting me. I couldn’t take it anymore. I hated my husband for being so devoid of conscience, for being so heartless. I also hated that woman and I wanted to see her dead, even if it meant my death, too. I tried everything to cut off their sources of income so they wouldn’t be able to make ends meet. It wasn’t long before they slunk back into town because they’d gone broke. One day, my husband broke down in tears in front of me, acknowledging he was wrong and apologizing, and he swore he’d turn over a new leaf and become a new man. He asked me to get some friends to help him have his work transferred out of the city and into the county town so he could start a new life in a different environment. Seeing how pained he looked and hearing his apparently sincere apology, my heart melted. I also wanted to forget about all the unhappy things in the past and make a fresh start so I agreed to his requests. I reached out to my friends right away to get both of us transferred. We started living together again, and even though he tried everything to please me and make me happy, I just felt like I didn’t have anything to say to him. In spite of that, I was still holding on to illusions about our marriage, thinking that wound just needed time to heal. But what shocked me even more was that when I was busy working to get our positions transferred, I accidentally discovered that he’d gone to see that woman again. I couldn’t contain my rage any longer and I screamed at him to get out. Two days later, he left without saying a word, and never came back. That was when I finally woke up. I realized he’d never wanted to truly repent. He’d only come back because he was broke and had nothing to live on. He was nice to me and said he wanted to patch things up, but that was all a façade. He just wanted to use me to help get his position transferred over. My heart just shattered when I realized this. I hated my husband through-and-through, and I hated that woman too. I started planning to get her crippled and disfigured. It was just when I was sinking down into evil that Almighty God reached out His hand of salvation to me and I accepted God’s work of the last days. By reading God’s words, I learned the reasons behind the darkness and evil of the world, and the misery and desolation in society. Almighty God says, “Born into such a filthy land, man has been severely blighted by society, he has been influenced by feudal ethics, and he has been taught at ‘institutes of higher learning.’ The backward thinking, corrupt morality, mean view on life, despicable philosophy for living, utterly worthless existence, and depraved lifestyle and customs—all of these things have severely intruded upon man’s heart, and severely undermined and attacked his conscience. As a result, man is ever more distant from God, and ever more opposed to Him. Man’s disposition becomes more vicious by the day, and there is not a single person who will willingly give up anything for God, not a single person who will willingly obey God, nor, moreover, a single person who will willingly seek the appearance of God. Instead, under the domain of Satan, man does nothing but pursue pleasure, giving himself over to the corruption of the flesh in the land of mud. Even when they hear the truth, those who live in darkness give no thought to putting it into practice, nor are they inclined to seek out God even if they have beheld His appearance. How could a mankind so depraved have any chance of salvation? How could a mankind so decadent live in the light?” (“To Have an Unchanged Disposition Is to Be in Enmity to God” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). “Mankind is none other than My enemy. Mankind is the evil one that opposes and disobeys Me. Mankind is none other than the progeny of the evil one accursed by Me. Mankind is none other than the descendant of the archangel that betrayed Me. Mankind is none other than the legacy of the devil who, spurned by Me long ago, has been My irreconcilable enemy ever since. For the sky above all mankind is turbid and dark, without the slightest impression of clarity, and the human world is plunged into pitchy darkness, so that one living in it cannot even see his outstretched hand before his face or the sun when he lifts up his head. The road beneath his feet, muddy and rife with potholes, meanders tortuously; the whole land is littered with corpses. The dark corners are filled with the remains of the dead, and in the cool and shady corners crowds of demons have taken up residence. And everywhere in the world of men demons come and go in hordes. The progeny of all manner of beasts, covered in filth, are locked in pitched battle, the sound of which strikes terror to the heart. At such times, in such a world, such an ‘earthly paradise,’ where does one go to seek out life’s felicities? Where could one go to find his life’s destination?” (“What It Means to Be a Real Person” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). “In God’s eyes, people are like the animals in the animal world. They fight with each other, slaughter each other, and have extraordinary interactions with each other. In God’s eyes, they are also like apes, scheming against one another regardless of age or gender” (“Chapter 21” of Interpretations of the Mysteries of God’s Words to the Entire Universe in The Word Appears in the Flesh). Reading God’s words really brightened my heart. I saw that since Satan corrupted mankind, we’ve lost our conscience and reason, and we’ve been devoid of humanity. We don’t have any dignity or integrity. We’re all deceitful, selfish, despicable, sinister, and malicious. We’re always scheming for personal benefit, plotting against others. We only care about our own enjoyment and couldn’t care less whether others live or die. We build our happiness on the suffering of others. There’s fighting and killing at every turn. The law of the jungle rules, just like in the animal world: If you don’t eat me, then I’ll kill you. All of humanity is living in sin and moral standards are sinking lower and lower. Everyone’s indulging in licentiousness, reveling in sin. Husbands betray wives, wives betray husbands, husbands and wives both betray each other. Everyone worships evil, indulges their lusts, and satisfies themselves with the opposite sex. The world is firmly in Satan’s grasp and it’s becoming darker and more evil. It’s become a stew of sin and adultery. People can’t help but sink lower and lower, becoming ever more evil and depraved. I realized that my husband’s betrayal was a result of Satan’s poisons. I was no exception. I wasn’t able to break free of the ways in which Satan had corrupted and harmed me, either. When other people encroached on my interests, I became filled with resentment and desperately wanted to see my enemies dead. I was living every minute tormented by the agony of my hatred without any motivation for work or life. Even my son was dragged into it. Weren’t all of these disasters harmful things wrought by Satan? Later on I gained some insight into life through praying and reading God’s words. I saw that mankind is evil and corrupt, we all exploit and cheat each other, and there’s no such thing as true love. I gradually let go of the hatred I had for my husband and that woman and I scrapped my plan for revenge. When I let go of all of that, I felt an incredible sense of freedom and release. It was then that I started a whole new life, gathering with brothers and sisters every day, eating, drinking, and fellowshiping on God’s words, and singing hymns in praise of God. I had such a sense of release and freedom. I gradually started feeling better and I was able to smile again.
Then one day, I ran into a friend of mine I’d been pretty close with. She was looking really thin and haggard. I was shocked. She told me that her husband had betrayed her, and when they were discussing divorce she had tried to poison herself as she couldn’t see a way out, but she was resuscitated in the end. We had had the same misfortune in our marriages. I would’ve already died if it hadn’t been for God’s protection, and who knows how tall the grass on my grave would have grown by then. I read this in God’s words later: “Why does a husband love his wife? Why does a wife love her husband? Why are children dutiful to their parents? Why do parents dote on their children? What sorts of intentions do people actually harbor? Is their intent not to satisfy their own plans and selfish desires?” (“God and Man Will Enter Into Rest Together” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). God’s words showed me why after nearly two decades as husband and wife, our feelings for each other were so fragile and couldn’t withstand the slightest blow. It’s because there’s no true affection or love between human beings. It’s just to satisfy personal desires or to use each other. When someone is worth using, we say only nice things to butter them up, but when we’re done using them, we kick them out the door as if they were an old shirt or a pile of garbage. A “happy family” and “love between husband and wife” are just lies to fool people, and they’re a trap that Satan uses to deceive us. Sadly, I didn’t possess the truth and couldn’t understand the matter, so I couldn’t see through Satan’s tricks. A few of my husband’s artful lies and fake tears had me duped. I was totally blinded by a false sense of happiness and I had lost my head, toyed with by these empty feelings. I’d nearly lost my life over it. I was such an idiot! All humans are corrupted by Satan. We’re tricky, deceitful, selfish, despicable, greedy, and evil. How can there be any genuine affection or love? It was then that I realized that only God’s love for mankind is truly genuine, and when I was overflowing with hatred, it was God’s words that dispelled the hate in my heart and soothed my pain, giving me a sense of peace and joy in my soul. Who in the world could love me that way? Whose love could surpass God’s? Doesn’t having the love of God bring more happiness than having the love of any person? These thoughts brought me comfort and made me so grateful for God’s salvation.
I read some passages in God’s words after that. “Pernicious influences that thousands of years of ‘the lofty spirit of nationalism’ have left deep in the human heart, as well as the feudal thinking by which people are bound and chained, without an iota of freedom, with no will to aspire or persevere, no desire to make progress, remaining instead passive and regressive, entrenched in a slave mentality, and so on—these objective factors have imparted an indelibly filthy and ugly cast to the ideological outlook, ideals, morality, and disposition of humanity. Humans, it would seem, are living in a dark world of terrorism, which none among them seeks to transcend, and none among them thinks of moving on to an ideal world; rather, they are content with their lot in life, to spend their days bearing and raising children, striving, sweating, going about their chores, dreaming of a comfortable and happy family, and dreaming of conjugal affection, of filial children, of joy in their twilight years as they peacefully live out their lives…. For tens, thousands, tens of thousands of years until now, people have been squandering their time in this way, with no one creating a perfect life, all intent only on mutual slaughter in this dark world, on the race for fame and fortune, and on intriguing against one another. Who has ever sought after God’s will? Has anyone ever heeded the work of God? All the parts of humanity occupied by the influence of darkness have long since become human nature, and so it is quite difficult to carry out the work of God, and people have even less heart to pay attention to what God has entrusted to them today” (“Work and Entry (3)” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). “Man’s entire life is lived under the domain of Satan, and there is not a single person who can free themselves from the influence of Satan on their own. All live in a filthy world, in corruption and emptiness, without the slightest meaning or value; they live such carefree lives for the flesh, for lust, and for Satan. There is not the slightest value to their existence. Man is incapable of finding the truth that will free him from the influence of Satan. Even though man believes in God and reads the Bible, he does not understand how to free himself of the control of Satan’s influence. Throughout the ages, very few people have discovered this secret, very few have grasped it. As such, even though man detests Satan, and detests the flesh, he does not know how to rid himself of the ensnaring influence of Satan” (“The Experiences of Peter: His Knowledge of Chastisement and Judgment” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). God’s words reveal the reality of our lives as human beings. Wasn’t I experiencing so much pain because I’d been chasing a so-called “happy life”? I thought back on the past. I’d given up a career I enjoyed so that my husband could get ahead. I took on all of the housework and childcare, and I’d lived by the idea that men deal with the outside world while women deal with the home. In my effort to become a good wife for my husband, I was willing to give him my blood, sweat, and tears, even if it cost me my very life. I was like a clockwork machine, toiling for my husband and for the family nonstop. When my husband got ahead, I was thrilled for him. When he betrayed me, I was devastated and cried myself silly at home, but I still had to wear a smile for others when I went out. I always had two faces—it was an exhausting and painful way to live. In an effort to fight to put my shattered family back together, I came to blows with that woman, with no thought for my own dignity or integrity. I also had to suppress the animosity in my heart and give my husband a chance to repent. Now I can see that I was living under Satan’s domain, being toyed with and manipulated by Satan like a doll, living without any humanity. I was living a hellish life. But I was enthralled by it, thinking that was the only way to live a meaningful life. God’s words opened up my heart and allowed me to see that the so-called “happy life” I was pursuing was worthless, that it was meaningless. Even if I did achieve those things, so what? Wasn’t it all totally empty?
I read this in God’s words: “You are a created being—you should of course worship God and pursue a life of meaning. If you do not worship God but live within your filthy flesh, then are you not just a beast in human attire? Since you are a human being, you should expend yourself for God and endure all suffering! You should gladly and assuredly accept the little suffering you are subjected to today and live a meaningful life, like Job and Peter. In this world, man wears the devil’s clothing, eats food from the devil, and works and serves under the devil’s thumb, becoming completely trampled in its filth. If you do not grasp the meaning of life or obtain the true way, then what significance is there in living like this? You are people who pursue the right path, those who seek improvement. You are people who rise up in the nation of the great red dragon, those whom God calls righteous. Is that not the most meaningful life?” (“Practice (2)” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). God’s words strengthened my resolve to follow God. In our lives on earth, our faith, reverence for God, and doing our duty as created beings is the only way we can live our lives with value and meaning. Back in the world, I exhausted myself and got into fights with people over my marriage and I’d drained the bitter dregs of harm Satan had poured out for me. It was Almighty God who saved me and allowed me the good fortune to come back into God’s house. God’s words watered and sustained me so that I could understand some truth, see through a bit of the evil and darkness in the world, see the truth of people’s corruption and leave my pain behind. God’s love for me is so great. I should do my duty well to repay God’s love. Otherwise, I don’t even deserve to be called human or to live before God. After that, I started preaching the gospel and doing my duty with brothers and sisters and I felt so at peace and happy in my heart.
Now, whenever I think of God’s salvation for me, I just start singing the hymn “If I Were Not Saved by God.” “If I were not saved by God, I would still be drifting in the world, struggling painfully in sin, without any hope in life. If I were not saved by God, I would still be trampled by devils, enjoying the pleasures of sin, not knowing the path of human life. Almighty God is merciful to me; the sound of His words beckons me. I hear God’s voice and have been lifted up before His throne. Each day I eat and drink the words of God, and I have understood many truths. I see the great depth of mankind’s corruption. We truly need God’s salvation. God’s truth purifies me and saves me. Time and again, I am judged and refined, and my life disposition has changed. Not until tasting God’s righteousness and holiness did I know His loveliness. My heart fears God and shuns evil, and I live out a bit of human likeness. I have seen God face-to-face; I have tasted His true love. Through God’s judgment and chastisement, I receive His salvation of the last days. I fulfill my duty faithfully, and my heart is happy and at peace. We live before God in mutual love, with His guidance and blessings. I practice the truth, obey God, and live out a true life. God’s work is real and alive. God is honorable and lovely. Seeing His dearness and loveliness, I want to devote my life to Him. I will pursue the truth and love Him forever; I will fulfill my duty to requite His love” (Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs).