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144. The Principles of Associating With the Opposite Sex

Practice and Exercises for Principled Behavior

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144. The Principles of Associating With the Opposite Sex

1. We must see clearly the substance of the wicked promiscuity of the descendants of Moab. Only when one pursues truth, and knows God’s disposition as righteousness and holiness will he be able to keep himself chaste.

2. One must have dignity and decency, and diligently pursue truth in doing one’s duty, often accepting God’s observation. If an evil thought arises, pray to God immediately for protection.

3. As much as possible, avoid working together alone with members of the opposite sex. In speech and activity be principled and have a standard of behavior. Be controlled not dissolute.

4. A prudent man foresees the evil, and hides himself. If temptation is encountered, best pray to God, and stay far away from wicked members of the opposite sex and trouble spots.

Relevant Words of God:

All of you are descended of Moab. … All of you live in a place of sin and licentiousness; you are all licentious and sinful people. … As you do not know how to lead a life or how to live, and you live in this licentious and sinful place and are licentious and filthy devils….

from “The Inside Truth of the Conquering Work (4)” in The Word Appears in the Flesh

You don’t care about yourself, yet you still want Me to love you? Forget it! I don’t want even one of such wretches. All shall get out of here! This brings the most serious shame upon My name and it won’t do for you not to see this clearly. You must protect yourselves from being contaminated by any filth in this evil and promiscuous old age; you must be completely holy and unblemished. Today, those who are qualified enough to rule as kings with Me are those who are not contaminated by any filth, for I am the holy God Himself and I do not want any who shame My name. As for these, they are sent by Satan to test Me and they are in all truth the lackeys of Satan that must be beaten back (cast into the bottomless pit).

from Utterances and Testimonies of Christ in the Beginning

With a humanity such as this, parading about and revealing your flesh, always living amid the lust of the flesh, are you not a descendant of filthy demons and evil spirits? I will not allow such a filthy demon to remain for long! And don’t think that I don’t know what you think in your heart. You might keep a tight rein on your lust and your flesh, but could I not know the thoughts in your heart and all that your eyes desire? Do you young ladies not make yourselves up pretty as a flower in order to parade your flesh? What benefit are men to you? Can they truly save you from the sea of affliction? And you playboys all dress to make yourselves seem gentlemanly and distinguished—is it not in order to show off your looks? And who are you doing this for? What benefit are women to you? Are they not the source of your sin? You men and women, I have said many words to you, yet you have complied with but a few of them. Your ears are heavy, your eyes have grown dim, and your hearts are hard, such that there is nothing but lust in your bodies; you are ensnared in it, unable to escape. Who wants to go anywhere near you maggots, squirming in the filth and grime? Do not forget that you are nothing more than those whom I have raised from the dung heap, that originally, you were not possessed of normal humanity. What I ask of you is the normal humanity which you did not originally possess; I do not ask that you parade your lust, or that you give free rein to your rancid flesh, which has been trained by the devil for so many years. When you dress yourselves up like this, do you not fear that you will become ever more deeply ensnared? Do you not know that you were originally of sin? Do you not know that your bodies are filled with lust? It’s such that your lust even seeps from your clothing, revealing your state as an unbearably ugly, filthy demon. Isn’t this what’s clearest of all to you? Your hearts, your eyes, your lips—have they not all been defiled by filthy demons? Are they not filthy? You think that as long as you don’t do anything immoral,[a] you are the most holy; you think that dressing up prettily can cover up your sordid souls—there’s no chance of that! I advise you to be more realistic: Don’t be fraudulent and fake, and don’t parade yourselves. You show off your lust to each other, but all you’ll get is everlasting suffering and heartless chastening! What need have you to flirt with each other and be in love? Is this your rectitude? Does this make you upstanding? I loathe those among you who practice witchcraft medicine and engage in sorcery, I loathe young men and women among you who love their own flesh. You’d best restrain yourselves, for today I ask that you possess normal humanity, not that you flaunt your lust. You always take any chance you can, for your flesh is too plentiful, and your lust too great!

from “Practice (7)” in The Word Appears in the Flesh

I am able to see clearly all people, events, and things. I understand with complete clarity the essence of every person, which is to say, I completely see through to the things a person harbors within themselves. I can see clearly if a person is a jezebel or a prostitute, and I know who does what in secret. Don’t flaunt your charms before Me—you wretch! Get out of here now! So as to avoid bringing shame on My name, I have no use for that kind of person! They cannot bear witness to My name, but instead they act counterproductively and they bring disgrace to My family! They shall be expelled from My house immediately! I don’t want them. I will not tolerate a delay of even one second! For those people it is futile no matter how they seek, for in My kingdom all are holy and free from any blemish. Including My people, if I say I don’t want someone then I mean it; don’t wait for Me to change My mind. I don’t care how good you were to Me before!

from Utterances and Testimonies of Christ in the Beginning

All that you do, every action, every intent, and every reaction must be brought before God. … The process of accepting God’s observation is the process of purification. The more you accept God’s observation, the more you are purified, and the more you are in accord with God’s will, so that you will not hear the call of debauchery and dissipation, and your heart will live in His presence. The more you accept His observation, the more ashamed Satan is and the more you are able to forsake the flesh. So, the acceptance of God’s observation is a path people must practice. No matter what you do, even during fellowship with your brothers and sisters, if you bring your acts before God and seek His observation, and if your intent is to obey God Himself, what you practice will be much more correct. Only if you bring all you do before God and accept God’s observation can you be someone who lives in the presence of God.

from “God Perfects Those After His Own Heart” in The Word Appears in the Flesh

4. Man has corrupt disposition and, moreover, he is possessed of emotions. As such, it is absolutely prohibited for two members of the opposite sex to work together when serving God. Any who are discovered doing so will be expelled, without exception—and no one is exempt.

from “The Ten Administrative Decrees That Must Be Obeyed by God’s Chosen People in the Age of Kingdom” in The Word Appears in the Flesh

Resolving one’s nature begins from forsaking the flesh. Forsaking the flesh also necessitates principles. Can one forsake the flesh in a muddleheaded fashion? When the time comes you will give in to the flesh. Some brothers may stop in their tracks at the sight of a beautiful woman. Then you must set a motto for yourself. What can you do when a beautiful woman appears? Should you leave or what should you do? What should you do if she holds your hand? If you have no principles, you will stumble when faced with such a situation. … Study this question specifically, carefully practice solving it and slowly you will be able to forsake the flesh. There is a principle which is quite critical, that is to think twice before acting; examine it before God. Moreover, every evening you must examine your own situations. This is one principle. Scrutinize your own behavior: which acts were done in conformity to the truth and which acts were in violation of principles. These two points are the most crucial! One is to examine yourself at the time of action and one is to examine yourself afterward. The third principle is: Be perfectly clear on what is meant by practicing truth and what is referred to as handling affairs in a principled manner. Once you are crystal clear on this, you will handle matters correctly. By adhering to these three principles, you will then be able to restrain yourself. Your old nature will be unable to reveal itself, be unable to resurface. This is also the basic principle for handling human nature.

from “Resolving Nature and Practicing Truth” in Records of Christ’s Talks

Do not come into contact with things that can draw your heart away to the outside, and do not come into contact with people who can draw your heart away from God. Drop whatever it is that can distract your heart from being close to God, or stay away from it. That way is more beneficial to your life.

from “On Quieting Your Heart Before God” in The Word Appears in the Flesh

The Man’s Fellowship:

Upon discovery of your own nature, lose no time to examine it. Always be able to control yourself, and exercise immediate self-control especially concerning ideas of money, status, and boundaries between men and women. This will guarantee that there will be no problems.

from The Fellowship From the Above

How do you think you can attain practicing the truth in coordination between men and women? What principles need to be determined? … Think about when you see someone of the opposite sex and have some lewd thoughts, how do you deal with this problem? At the very least you must first respect marriage. If the person has a husband (or wife), then you need to respect this person’s marriage. You cannot interfere with someone’s marriage; to respect others is to respect yourself, if you do not respect others then you do not respect yourself. If you respect others then others will respect you. If in your heart you do not respect marriage then you do not have humanity. If you are able to respect marriage, if you are able to love others and respect others, then you will not do things that harm others. If you are able to refuse someone even when they throw themselves into your arms, then you are dealing with things properly. What must you be equipped with to be able to refuse these temptations and seductions? You must be equipped with the truth, then you will be able to see these things very clearly. After you are able to clearly see the substance of this issue, then you will know what kind of harm the actions on your part will bring to others, you will know what kind of injuries others suffer from in their hearts, you will know to what extent you’ve wrecked someone’s personality, and once you understand these things you will no longer act in ways that cause them; whenever these kinds of thoughts and ideas come into your mind you will be able to reject them, you will not be interested in them, you will not pay attention to them, because they will not sway your heart. … In addition, if someone sees someone else of the opposite sex and filthy thoughts and ideas start to arise, if their minds don’t stop racing to the point that they’re so disturbed that they aren’t able to be in contact with others, if they aren’t able to have normal conversations with others, these kinds of people don’t have normal humanity. If someone is mindful of their duties in their heart, then when these small thoughts creep into their head they will not affect them, and these thoughts will not arise often, because there is no use for them to arise. How would these thoughts be able to arise if you don’t think about them? If you do not accept these things in your heart, then they will disappear from your mind before they have a chance to sprout. … If you are of small spiritual stature, if you’re really young, then do not coordinate with one opposite sex, for there are great temptations when it comes to coordinating one on one, it’s better to have two men and one woman or two women and one man to coordinate together; this is especially true when it comes to those of you who are not yet married, you should not coordinate together one on one. For those who are married, there are special circumstances where there won’t be any problem when a man and a woman get together to talk about their work, but this shouldn’t happen too often, and it shouldn’t last for too long. In addition, in special circumstances where men and women are conversing they should not get too close to each other. No closer than a meter to each other. If when the distance between you is increased you still have inclinations and ideas then quickly pray to get closer to God. Then, declare to God that you hate your flesh, that you hate your corruption, that you forsake Satan, and that you forsake wickedness. Pray in this way, and you will feel much better. This is what you must do in order to deal with your corrupt flesh. You must have reason, and you must consider whether or not what you do will benefit others, you must give thought to others. If someone else wants to chase after you, if they want to be your partner, what will you do? You must have reason. Suppose someone does not have a partner and yet you have. What are you going to do if they want to be your partner? You must think of others. Do not trap others. If someone else thinks highly of you, if they think you’re lofty and if they really adore you, then show them your true features, tell them: “I am a corrupt person, I do not have much humanity, and I have many flaws. Whoever is by my side in life will suffer many hardships, there will be suffering, and you truly do not understand me.” If you speak to this person in this way, then they will know your weak points, they will know how corrupt you are, they will understand that you will cause them suffering, and they will renounce you. Everyone has an inquisitive mind, they rely on their own imaginations to blindly pursue you, but you must not trap them. You ought to think of others. This is the conscience and reason that man ought to be equipped with.

from “Focusing on Solving Three Problems That Are Currently Widespread in the Church” in Sermons and Fellowship on Entry Into Life (VI)

At present there are some brothers and sisters who are doing very well maintaining their chastity! Though over thirty years of age, they do not seek a marriage partner. These people are remarkable, and most of them are maintaining extremely well. Such people grasp certain principles: Don’t look at these issues, don’t go near them, and don’t contact them. If you get involved, it immediately becomes troublesome. This is the best method. If you encounter a situation that is not good, just breeze out and take off. A prudent man foresees the evil, and hides himself; but the simple pass on, and are finished. If there is too much danger or temptation in dealing with someone, and you can’t control yourself, go far away and have no contact. Does this not take care of the problem? Is it not making a fool of yourself to be determined to put yourself in contact with someone? It would be stupid to be in contact when it is clear that temptation cannot be resisted! Sometimes, if a person truly knows his vital spot and does not know how to break away, that is when wisdom is required, and this wisdom simply means staying far away and not being in contact. So, what methods can be adopted? Do more of your duty, do important work, and obtain more of the work of the Holy Spirit. Seek the company of people who pursue truth, and this aspect will be taken care of. Without you even attending to it, the problem will disappear, and the troubled water will calm. It is key to perform duty with people who pursue the truth. If you cannot master yourself in matters of lust, yet you still make a special effort to mix with lustful people, you are headed only into trouble. People assume the characteristics of those with whom they associate, and are affected by their surroundings. This can be awful! There are people who are particularly evil in nature, and when they are idle with others, they do nothing but talk about these matters, not a sentence given to fellowship of truth. They do nothing but discuss the issue of seeking a marriage partner, and talk endlessly about what they have heard, seen, or experienced of these matters. What kind of person would you say this is? He is a lustful person. What should be done upon encountering such a person? Keep far away, and don’t pay attention to him. If he or she wants to get close to you, say, “Please keep your distance from me. You are an oversexed person, and I don’t want you to influence me. I must pursue truth.” This is what you should do; it is the sensible thing to do. Then, just look at what danger those negative things bring, and how those people who lay undue emphasis on sexuality end up, and what their ending is. You will know as soon as you see it, and will feel that there is really no benefit in it. By now, you understand how all people who are trapped by lust finally end up, right? What is the final outcome for most of these people? Do they meet with curses? Are there any good outcomes? They do not attain peace all life long! This is the confusion and trouble to which lust leads; it is unbearable suffering! Of all those people who seek a marriage partner recklessly or abnormally, are there any who have a happy outcome? There are no good final results, and they ultimately meet with curses. That is not a thing to be toyed with. I think you all know what I am talking about. If you don’t want to seek a marriage partner, simply don’t do it. It is much better this way. If you are certain that you must find a marriage partner, you may do so; no one is restricting you from doing so. Ideally look for a person of good humanity, who is truly a seeker, and make it legitimate. Only in this way is it appropriate. If you are not looking, then exercise restraint, and avoid temptation. If we see indecent people and scoundrels, or if we see those lascivious people, let us stay well away and avoid them; that’s all there is to it. The way to remain chaste is to do one’s duty alongside seekers of truth.

from “What Kind of Person Will Be Perfected by God” in Sermons and Fellowship on Entry Into Life (VII)

There is no other way to solve transgressions than to conscientiously pursue to achieve a change of disposition, to focus on more deeply understanding what sort of person you are by nature, and on whether there is any humanity in you. Focus on whether you possess the sense of a normal person, and whether you have the nature of a devil or humanity. Only through comparing yourself to those in this way, and truly seeing into your own nature can you attain results. Furthermore, it is necessary to grasp how many administrative decrees of God there are, and to keep them firmly in mind, especially paying constant attention to those you are prone to violate. This will be ever so beneficial to you. Also, be clear about the environment and circumstances in which you easily violate the administrative decrees, and often pray sincerely if you encounter this sort of environment. If you can’t stand it any longer, breeze out. If there is no way to be victorious, better to walk away altogether. If you don’t walk away then you deserve death, and no one can save you. This is precisely how a prudent man foresees the evil, and hides himself.

from The Fellowship From the Above

Footnotes:

a. The original text omits “immoral.”

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