Spiritual Awakening of an “White Angel”
I am a retired obstetrics and gynecology attending physician. Most of my life was spent in an overworked void. I racked my brains to pursue status, fame and fortune and was unscrupulous in my efforts to make money, busy rushing around for several decades. I even betrayed my own conscience and personality and lost my humanity and rationality, living without any meaning. Until one day when I read the word of Almighty God and saw the truth that I had been corrupted by Satan I gradually had a spiritual awakening….
Yearning for a Strong Pillar
I was born in the city of X. My father was a veteran cadre, honest and loyal, with no real power in his work place and my mother did not work. In 1972, when graduating from high school, I took universal examinations and after many selections, I was assigned to a large hospital in X city for training and studies. Here I discovered that opportunities for promotion are not determined by one’s medical ethics and skill, but depend upon one’s connections and money. Again and again I saw people around me obtain material benefits through their connections and no matter how well I worked, because I did not have money or connections, nothing good happened to me and I was always discriminated against by others. To this end, I did not feel good-tempered and I thought if only I could have a solid pillar, it would be must better and I would be able to bring about an upswing to my situation.
The Fame and Fortune Which a “Behind-the-scenes Backer” Brought Me
One time, I inadvertently heard my father mention to my mother that his friend had become vice mayor in our city. Suddenly my eyes lit up. It was an unmissable opportunity that would not occur again! I hurriedly asked my father about his family’s situation, thinking: My family also had a “behind-the-scenes backer” after all. I underhandedly set my aspirations that I must make my mark through this connection. So I recommended my dean to the deputy mayor and kept sending my dean some small gifts. Afterward, the dean gave me the green light and arranged many opportunities for me to show my talents. After all kinds of examinations and assessments, I became an obstetrics and gynecology physician with rich clinical experience and a certain reputation. In this way, for several consecutive years, I got the city merit award and the honorary title of the outstanding medical staff member and gave lectures in the technical personnel classes of many hospitals. This completely satisfied my vanity.
“Brainwashing” by Corporate Cheats
In the past, I often thought that the hospital was a place to save lives and help the injured and that the profession of doctors was sacred. People called doctors “white angels.” But when I really became a doctor, once I had some understanding of the inside story of hospitals, I knew that this wasn’t in fact the case. There is infighting amongst doctors. It is a case of if you fight, I will struggle. They are all smiling tigers—outwardly kind, but inwardly cruel, privately attacking and excluding each other. Hospital management introduce pharmacists to the hospitals for profit. In addition, hospital management take a cut from them; even the Minister for Health and ministers from other industries send people selling drugs to the hospitals and the hospital management ask us to prescribe whichever drug has the highest cut. The most detestable thing is that they actually invite corporate crooks (people who do not understand medicine) to give us medical staff lectures. They taught us how to welcome and wave off people with smiles, deceitfully gain the trust of patients and their family and find ways and means to get patients’ money. They also asked us to do things which compromise our integrity, such as: invent an illness where there is none; treat a small illness as a big one; just use half the dose for infusions (but charge according to a full dose), because in this way, the patient’s illness will reduce, but will not get better as quickly and once the patient has spent almost all their money, the dosage that should be given can be used and in doing so, we can charge higher treatment and other fees. In short, they told us that we must steal all of the patient’s money and that this counts as being skilled. The cost of a day’s fees for these corporate cheats was as much as tens of thousands of yuan and the dean even referred to these liars’ absurd theories as industry secrets.
I Was Assimilated
After hearing this theory, at the time I felt very angry: Patients who have an illness are already suffering a lot. If we further “extort” money from them, then what will happen to them? I did not want to join them in their evil deeds doing such unconscionable things. But later I saw colleagues eating luxury food and wearing luxury clothes, who had bought cars and built buildings and who were living a high-quality lifestyle. I looked again at my meager monthly salary, which was just enough to cover living costs and felt somewhat unbalanced inside. This coupled with colleagues coming to see me personally to show me the way to enrich my family fortunes gradually distorted my outlook on life and I could not help joining the ranks of those “extorting” patients. Since then, I, like other doctors, prescribed large prescriptions and randomly prescribed drugs. At first, I still had some sense of conscience, but in the face of huge monetary profits, the little compassion I felt was all gone. Gradually, I became more and more fraudulent and learned how to size people up, making huge profits for the hospital and filling my pockets too. Money became my lifeblood and I saw patients as money. I made money for pleasure and enjoyment. At this time, I changed from a conscientious doctor into a ruthless “executioner.”
In addition to making bad money from the hospital, I also extended my reach to outside the hospital. From 1996, I spent my spare time visiting township hospitals seeing patients and even stole medical equipment from hospitals to carry out operations outside, like other doctors. In addition, I also abused my position to prescribe more drugs and took them to sell outside when practicing medicine. In this way, I was busy running around making money. My income from outside the hospital was three to four-times my normal salary. I was driven by interests for seven years. Not until SARS occurred in 2003 did I finally stop the external work.
Does Money Equal Happiness?
No longer visiting patients outside, my spare time increased. When the quiet of night came, I often asked myself: What has so many years of running around actually brought me? I always used to think that by having money, my family would be happy and safe, but actually this was not the case at all. Thinking back on my life so far, my husband saw I could make money and hadn’t worked for almost thirty years; he spent full days gambling in mahjong dens and also had an affair. He would usually return home at three or four in the morning and I was so angry that I would quarrel with him the whole day and even come to blows. After arguing, tears bathed my cheeks. My daughter saw that I could make money and from a young age, she was accustomed to eating well, wearing designer clothes and using luxury cosmetics. From a young age, she never cared about other people. When my daughter got married, I bought a new apartment for her and she later yearned for an apartment with an elevator and disliked the car that she drove and wanted to replace it for a new one…. My daughter and son-in-law desired more and more. When I could not meet their demands, they cursed me behind my back…. Is this really the life that I want? What has money actually brought me? Happiness? Security? Family happiness? None of these things! And all these years I had done so many unforgivable things and there was always a sense of fear in my heart, afraid that a medical incident would occur one day. These invisible pressures made me unable to breathe.
I do not know how many times I had sighed: O Heaven, what is the point of people living? What is the meaning of life? Surely I cannot be a money making machine? Money could only bring momentary happiness, but it could not bring me real happiness. It only brought me emptiness of the soul, a guilty conscience, degenerate humanity and family disharmony. I was living in a particularly painful and helpless way, but I was unable to rid myself of my endless desires and even less able to rid myself of the laws of survival of this evil society. I did not know which direction I would take, nor did I know how long I could prop myself up for. I felt particularly lonely and there was always an unprecedented sense of loss in my heart. I do not know how many times I wanted to find a place where there was no one else to cry….
God’s Gospel Arrives and My Soul Awakens
I do not know when my daughter started to believe in God, but one day she left a copy of a book, The Scroll Opened by the Lamb in my home. I picked it up and flicked through it and suddenly saw a passage: “There is an enormous secret in your heart. You never know it there because you have been living in a world without light shining. Your heart and your spirit have been taken away by the evil one. Your eyes are covered by darkness; you cannot see the sun in the sky, nor the twinkling star in the night. Your ears are clogged with deceptive words and you hear not the thunderous voice of Jehovah, nor the sound of the rushing waters from the throne. You have lost everything that should have belonged to you and everything that the Almighty bestowed upon you. You have entered an endless sea of bitterness, with no strength of a rescue, no hope of survival, left only to struggle and to bustle about…. From that moment, you are doomed to be afflicted by the evil one, kept far away from the blessings of the Almighty, out of reach of the provisions of the Almighty, and you embark on a road of no return. A million calls can hardly rouse your heart and your spirit. You sleep deeply in the hands of the evil one, who has lured you into the boundless realm, with no direction, with no road signs. Henceforth, you have lost your original purity, innocence, and started to hide from the care of the Almighty. The evil one steers your heart in every matter and becomes your life. You no longer fear him, no longer avoid him, no longer doubt him. Instead, you treat him as the God in your heart. You begin to enshrine him, worship him, be inseparable like a shadow of his, and mutually commit to each other in life and death.”
“The Almighty has mercy on these people who suffer deeply. At the same time, He is fed up with these people who have no consciousness, because He has to wait too long for the answer from humans. He desires to seek, seek your heart and your spirit. He wants to bring you food and water and to awaken you, so you are no longer thirsty, no longer hungry. When you are weary and when you begin to feel the desolation of this world, do not be perplexed, do not cry. Almighty God, the Watcher, will embrace your arrival any time. He is watching by your side, waiting for you to turn back. He is waiting for the day your memory suddenly recovers: becoming conscious of the fact that you came from God, somehow and somewhere once lost, falling unconscious on the roadside, and then, unknowingly having a father. You further realize that the Almighty has been watching there, awaiting your return all along. He longs bitterly, waiting for a response without an answer. His watching is priceless and is for the heart and the spirit of humans. Perhaps this watching is indefinite, and perhaps this watching is at its end. But you should know exactly where your heart and spirit are now” (“The Sighing of the Almighty” in The Word Appears in the Flesh).
These words spoke of the pain in my heart and were full of God’s clarion call to me. These warm words comforted my heart and made me feel like I had found a father who had been lost for many years. I was moved to tears. I thought about this lifetime of striving for fame and fortune by any means and destroying my own conscience to make money. But when I got these things, my soul was empty and in pain, sad and helpless. I had taken so many risks to make money and my conscience had gone in my striving for profit. I lived more and more painfully and was often under high mental pressure, resulting in frequent insomnia at night. The many years of hard work had not brought happiness, but had been exchanged for a broken family and distrust from loved ones…. At this moment, holding the book in my hands, thinking back to the scenes of affliction that I have felt from this world, the tears flowed uncontrollably…. At that time, I suddenly remembered that this book was left by my daughter and hurriedly called my daughter and asked her to come and talk to me. My daughter came back and saw the book in my hands and my red eyes, it seemed like she knew what I was thinking and she said: “Mom, I know you are in a lot of pain. I can understand how you feel now. Believe in God. Only God can resolve all our pain. I have just started to believe in God too. I originally intended to read the word of God and understand some truths and then talk to you, but since you saw God’s words today, this is the time that God has prepared for us….” My daughter then shared with me God’s last days’ work. Through my daughter’s fellowship, I knew that God came in the last days to utter truths to save people, that is, to change people’s corrupt disposition, to completely save people from Satan’s afflictions and to let people live under God’s care and protection…. Thinking back to this period of time when my daughter had not asked for money from me and on the contrary, was more considerate and caring toward me, I saw that only God could make her change in this way and I was sure that this was the voice of the true God and happily accepted the last days’ work of Almighty God.
Recognizing Mankind That Has Been Corrupted by Satan
From then on, every day before the dawn, I got up to read God’s words, pray and sing hymns and enjoyed the kind of peace and joy that I had never experienced before. One day, I saw that it said in God’s words: “Cruel, brutal mankind! The conniving and intrigue, the jostling with each other, the scramble for reputation and fortune, the mutual slaughter—when will it ever end? God has spoken hundreds of thousands of words, yet no one has come to their senses. They act for the sake of their families, and sons and daughters, for their careers, prospects, status, vanity, and money, for the sake of clothes, for food and the flesh—whose actions are truly for the sake of God? Even among those whose actions are for the sake of God, there are but few who know God. How many do not act for the sake of their own interests? How many do not oppress and discriminate against others for the sake of maintaining their own status?” (“The Wicked Must Be Punished” in The Word Appears in the Flesh).
“The sky above all mankind is murky and gloomy, lacking in even a glimmer of clarity. The human world is in pitch darkness, and when living in it one cannot see his own hand when he stretches it out before him and cannot see the sun when he lifts his head. The road beneath his feet is muddy and rife with potholes, and it is meandering and tortuous; the whole land is littered with corpses. The corners in the dark are filled with the remains of the dead. The cool and dark corners are crowded with hordes of demons taking up residence. Throughout mankind hordes of demons also come and go. The progeny of myriad beasts covered in filth is fighting hand to hand, in a brutal struggle, the sound of which strikes terror in the heart. In such times, such a world, and such an ‘earthly paradise,’ where does one go to seek out life’s felicities? Where would one go to find his life’s destination?” (“What a Real Man Means” in The Word Appears in the Flesh).
God’s words go straight to the heart of the matter in revealing the truth of humanity’s corruption. They are so true and real. The whole of mankind has been corrupted by Satan. Satan’s life philosophies such as “Everyone for himself and the devil take the hindmost” and “If you have money, you can make the devil push the millstone for you” have become our laws of survival. People deceive, use and harm each other for gain and for money. They have no tolerance and even less affection. Like cold-blooded animals, they snatch and fight for a mouthful of food, humanity and reasoning completely lost. When I officially took on my role, I saw doctors in various departments conspiring and scheming against each other and management directly recommending drug companies to the hospital, inviting expensive commercial cheats who did not understand medical treatment to teach us how to deceitfully gain patients’ trust and extort their money in order to make money…. At first I did not approve of such behavior, but later, after seeing colleagues around me making big money by all kinds of means and leading luxury lifestyles, I was also gradually led astray and started to go with the crowd and lend myself to dishonest schemes. In order to make money I vied with other doctors, prescribed large prescriptions and expensive drugs, charged fees indiscriminately and even became numb and accustomed to this unconscionable and unethical behavior…. If it was not for God coming to save me today, I would still be addicted on living in sin and would have become one of Satan’s puppets or playthings unknowingly. Thinking of this, I thanked God from the bottom of my heart for His salvation.
The Pursuit of Being an Honest Person Set Me Free
Later, I lived a church life with brothers and sisters, singing hymns and praising God and my spirit felt at ease to enjoy and my heart felt incomparably happy. I had seen that brothers and sisters of The Church of Almighty God are all open and pure, treat others with sincerity and you do not need to guard against people harming you when you come into contact with them. Everyone loves each other and is as close as a family. I felt warmth that I had never felt before.
One day, at a meeting, I saw it said in God’s words: “Honesty means to give your heart to God; never to play Him false in anything; to be open with Him in all things, never hiding the truth; never to do that which deceives those above and deludes those below; and never to do that which merely ingratiates yourself with God. In short, to be honest is to refrain from impurity in your actions and words, and to deceive neither God nor man” (“Three Admonitions” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). God requires us to be honest people and to be true in our words and actions, to not deceive God, nor deceive people. Looking at brothers and sisters in the church, everyone practices being honest people according to the word of God, speaks the truth and acts in a just and honorable manner. They accept God’s observation in all matters and do not engage in insincerity and deception. Brothers and sisters respect and understand each other and can forgive and care for others. They can also take other people into consideration and do not do things which harm others for their own gain. From brothers and sisters, I have seen that it is great to be an honest person. This kind of life is really liberating! In the past, I did whatever I could and engaged in deception to make money in the hospital and everything that I did was under-the-table deals! From now on, I will work in accordance with God’s demands and live out the likeness of an honest man, by the principle of helping cure patients and helping them spend less and no longer depend on Satan’s poisons to live and do those unconscionable things.
Being an Honest Person Is Great
One time there was a patient with a general gynecological condition. She went to several big hospitals and spent thousands of yuan but was not cured. After I had carefully asked about and checked the patient’s condition, I discovered that it was caused by excessive medication. I told her to stop taking all medication and after a period of recovery she would be better. But the patient didn’t believe what I said and pressed me to prescribe her the best medication. Seeing her insistent look, I thought: It is you asking me to prescribe medication for you, not me wishing to prescribe medication for you. So I prescribed medicine for her which would have a percentage deducted, for which a medication invoice could be issued. I felt a little guilty, so tore it up, then issued another, then tore it up…. At this point, I was having an internal battle. On the one side was money that I could feel with my fingertips and on the other side was God’s demands. I didn’t know what to do for the best. At this moment, the Holy Spirit enlightened me and I thought of God’s words: “I have a lot of wishes. I wish you can conduct yourselves in a proper and well-behaved manner, be faithful to fulfill your duty, have truth and humanity….” “Be an honest person, not someone who’s always being clever, always crafty (Here I am asking you again to be an honest person.)” (“Transgressions Will Take Man to Hell” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). The enlightenment of God’s words made me think of the will established in the presence of God: I believe in God. I must practice the word of God and be an honest person. If a patient really has an illness, I should prescribe medication for her, but if she does not have an illness, I cannot ignore my conscience and deceive the patient. Nor can I prescribe any more high value medication where a cut is taken. Thinking of this, my heart was greatly illuminated and I told the patient: “I will give you a recipe! Eat more carrots every day and it will be fine.” The patient saw I was very certain and left looking very unconvinced. But in my heart I felt especially relieved and happy to be able to practice the truth.
Ten or so days later, this patient’s illness got better. She happily bought me something to thank me and told me: “I spent five to six thousand yuan and the illness never got better, but you unexpectedly did not even ask for a cent and it got better. Your medical skills are really great!” I thought to myself: Actually your illness was caused by other doctors who prescribed medicine in a disorderly manner and used it indiscriminately. Before I believed in God, I also ignored my conscience and deceived patients like this. My being able to practice medicine and be a good person in a down-to-earth manner is all because the word of Almighty God changed me.
Defeat the Temptation of Money
At the end of the month, all of the drug companies came to give the doctors their percentage (because the drugstores have a record of all the drugs prescribed where a cut is given). When I saw all of the doctors in my department beaming with happy smiles, holding more than twenty bulging envelopes and me with pitifully few, I felt unbalanced inside: I had been a good person, but got too little; I might have done the same thing as them. At this moment, a hymn of God’s word rang out in my ears: “Renounce your fondness for the wealth of the secular world! … Renounce your views and prejudices! Wake up, for time is short! Let your spirit look up, look up and let God take control. Do not let yourself become like Lot’s wife. It is so pitiful to be cast aside! How pitiful indeed! Wake up!” (“Almighty God Sits Upon His Glorious Throne” in Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs). The enlightenment of the word of God lit up my heart. Yes! Now it is the last days. This is the last time God saves people. If I still do not pursue the truth well in this critical moment, then I cannot truly live out the human likeness and will be fond of money like before. When God’s work ends and disaster comes, however much more money I make, what use will it be? Lot’s wife lost her life and was turned into a pillar of salt because she couldn’t renounce her family property. I cannot be like her. I must be a good person in accordance with the word of God and I must do things conscientiously, renounce unjust wealth and no longer harm others to benefit myself. Thinking to here, my heart calmed down and I felt that getting the truth and life is most valuable and most meaningful!
As I read more and more of God’s words, I also gained some understanding of God’s will, viewed the world and wealth as more and more meaningless and did not vie for patients with doctors in the department but proactively let them treat them. Because of my changes, colleagues were all willing to be on duty with me. When I saw patients, I patiently explained and I would not treat small illnesses excessively anymore or freely prescribe drugs.
I Lived Out the Likeness of a Real Man a Little
When I practiced in this way, I felt particularly at ease and peaceful inside. Although I was spending less time working, God especially blessed me. Colleagues, friends and acquaintances in my hospital all asked me to see patients and carry out surgery. They all said that I was different to other doctors, kindhearted and didn’t rip people off, with less money spent on treatment and quicker recovery. I know that this was the outcome of the word of Almighty God in me. In my experience, I have seen that only the word of God and the truth can change people and only the truth can reveal all my unrighteousness and corruption and cleanse me of Satan’s poisons. At the same time, I also truly realized that the more you practice the truth and understand the word of God, the more you understand the darkness and evil in the world, and the more you can see the truth of how you have been corrupted by Satan and your own inferior outlook on life and values. It is the judgment and chastisement of the word of God that has given me the confidence and motivation to renounce Satan and to be a good person again!
Later, colleagues told me: “Look how easily you live now, even younger than before!” Some said: “You really are so stupid for not making money that you can raise your hand up to get. Is it because you have too much money?” Some said: “The realm of your ideology is really too high!” In short, people said all kinds of things, but they do not know it is all because the word of Almighty God changed me. God’s work really is so wise and wonderful! Satan corrupted me into a demon and the word of Almighty God changed me into a person, enabling me to live out the likeness of man! As the word of Almighty God said: “Only if one knows God and has the truth does he live in the light; and only when his view of the world and his view of life change does he change fundamentally. When he has a life goal and comports himself according to the truth; when he absolutely submits to God and lives by God’s word; when he feels assured and brightened deep in his soul; when his heart is free of darkness; and when he lives completely freely and unrestrained in God’s presence—only then does he live a true human life and become a person possessing truth. Besides, all the truths you have are from God’s word and from God Himself. The Ruler of the entire universe and all things—God Most High—approves of you, as a real man living the true human life. What could be more meaningful than God’s approval?” (“How to Know Man’s Nature” in Records of Christ’s Talks). Thank God. All glory be to Almighty God!