I’ve Had a Taste of God’s Salvation
By Cheng Hao, Hunan Province
The duty that my wife and I fulfill in the church is to preach God’s gospel of the last days. Just not long ago, my wife was promoted to gospel group director, while I, as a result of my own arrogance and wanton behavior, disrupting and interfering with the gospel work, was sent home to reflect on myself. Given that my wife and I began fulfilling our duties at the same time, seeing her promoted while I was dismissed from my duties was a hard pill to swallow. Tears came to my eyes as I thought: “God is classifying people according to their kind and, since I’ve been dismissed and sent home, I’m certainly being exposed and eliminated by God. Oh! Who would have thought that after all these years, my life as a believer would end in such utter failure? All I can do now is wait for my punishment.” Then I headed home with a heavy heart. From then on I became mired in my sense of defeat and my heart was full of misunderstanding and blame for God. I sank entirely into a darkness I could not extricate myself from.
One day, I happened upon the following two passages of God’s words: “I never said that you have no future prospects, much less that you have to be destroyed or suffer perdition. Have I publicly announced such things? You say you are without hope, but is this not a conclusion you yourself have drawn? Is this not the effect of your own mindset? Do your own conclusions count?” (“You Should Put Aside the Blessings of Status and Understand God’s Will to Bring Salvation to Man” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). “You do not see God’s righteous disposition, and you always misunderstand God and distort His intentions, which causes you always to be pessimistic and lose hope. Is this not self-inflicted? … You do not understand God’s work, and you do not understand His will at all; and, more than that, you do not understand the painstaking efforts God has exerted in His six thousand years of management work” (“God’s Will Is to Save People to the Greatest Extent Possible” in Records of Christ’s Talks). Reading these passages, I realized with a start: Is God not talking about me? As soon as I learned that the church was sending me home, I started taking stabs in the dark, and concluded that I had been exposed and eliminated by God. I then lost the confidence to pursue the truth. I lived in a perpetual state of negativity and misunderstanding, utterly resigned to my own failure. At that point, I looked into my heart, asking: “Do I really understand why I’ve met with this ‘misfortune’? Do I really understand God’s will? I don’t! Has God said that I can’t be saved? He hasn’t. Then why would I make wild conjectures and unfounded delineations? Was this not arrogant and deceitful? Hasn’t sinking into this place of dark suffering been my own doing? How foolish, how absurd I have been!” Thus, I went before God in prayer, asking for His enlightenment so that I may understand His will in being exposed this way.
Later, I saw this passage of God’s words: “In all that He does, God is truly loving toward you. He has no ill intention. It is because of your sins that He judges you, so that you will examine yourselves and receive this tremendous salvation. All this is done for the purpose of making man complete. From beginning to end, God has been doing His utmost to save man, and has no desire to completely destroy the men He created with His own hands. Today, He has come among you to work, and is such salvation not even greater? If He hated you, would He still do work of such magnitude in order to personally guide you? Why should He suffer so? God does not hate you or have any ill intentions toward you. You should know that God’s love is the truest love. It is only because people are disobedient that He has to save them through judgment; if not for this, saving them would be impossible. … He cannot bear to let you become even more depraved, He cannot bear to see you living in this filthy land as you do now, trampled on by Satan at will, and He cannot bear to let you fall into Hades. He only wants to gain this group of people and thoroughly save you. This is the main purpose of doing the work of conquest on you—it is just for salvation” (“The Inside Truth of the Work of Conquest (4)” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). All these heartfelt words from God warmed my heart and roused me from my numb state. As it turned out, though my situation seemed like misfortune upon first inspection, it was actually God visiting His love upon me. God wanted me to reflect on myself through that failure and fall so that I could find the root of the failure and get back onto the right path. His goal in exposing me was not to eliminate me, but was to save me. That was God’s will. I had been arrogant and uncompromising, fulfilling my duties recklessly and according to my own will. God simply couldn’t bear to see me continue to fall into corruption. He especially could not bear to see me face punishment for offending God’s disposition through my wanton acts. Thus, He brought salvation upon me through judgment and chastisement. The church now arranging for me to return home was to force me to return before God and reflect on my deeds through that failure and stumbling, and that kind of exposure. It was to have me know my own corrupt essence and that the path I was taking was wrong, and to have me develop true repentance, allowing me to step onto the right path of pursuing the truth and a change in disposition. This was the very real work of the salvation that God visited upon me. All He did was care for and love me. Otherwise, I would still be unwittingly living in sin, still be acting recklessly, disrupting and interfering with the gospel work. In the end, I would have been punished by God for offending His disposition. It wasn’t until that moment that I came to see how real God’s salvation is. There is nothing false or empty about God’s love—it is true and real. It is through failing and stumbling that people know themselves, and it is through judgment and chastisement that He purifies and transforms people. I, however, failed to know God’s work and the method of His salvation. I failed to seek the earnest intention in God’s salvation, instead delimiting myself at every turn while misunderstanding and complaining about God, living within negativity and throwing in the towel. How unreasonable I am—how little I understand!
I couldn’t help but prostrate myself before God and offer up my thanks and praise to Him: “Dear God, thank You! Through this experience, I have realized that Your salvation is real and that Your judgment and chastisement are full of love. Without these, I never would have taken an honest look at myself. I would have continued to live in corruption, on a downward spiral, trampled by Satan and carried off by it in the end. Through this experience, I have also come to realize that Your essence is love and that no matter what You do, it is to save mankind. God, I vow to become a new person, to invest myself fully in pursuing the truth and changing my disposition. No matter what the outcome, I vow to fulfill my duties as a creature to satisfy You.”