By Bai Yang, China

In November 2019, I left home to do my duties in another place due to the needs of the work. Although I couldn’t let go of my daughter, when I read a letter from her saying that everything was fine at home, I felt much more at ease in doing my duty. In May 2024, I went home to take care of a few things and saw my daughter. I learned that she was taking extra classes to prepare for her exams, while her father was seeing another woman; he seldom came home and rarely asked about her. He didn’t want to pay for her tutoring expenses, and he even scolded her on the phone. I was shocked when I heard this, as I hadn’t expected my daughter’s life to be so difficult. I comforted her, saying, “Don’t be angry with your father. You must learn to be independent in the future. If you have any difficulties, you can come to me. Mom will take care of you.” She was very happy. However, after spending a few days with my daughter, I saw that although she was 20 years old, she still hadn’t settled down, and she just did whatever she wanted. Although she also believed in God and attended gatherings, she did not pursue the truth, and liked playing with her phone like a nonbeliever. She wasn’t earnest about her tutoring either. If this continued, not only would she not believe in God well, but it would also be difficult for her to find a good job in the future. What was going to become of her? When I thought this, I felt really distressed at heart. I couldn’t help but think, “If I had supervised her better at home, she might not have turned out like this. Other children have their parents at home to supervise them, and their lives are not so casual.” The more I thought about it, the more I felt that I owed my daughter, and I wanted to make it up to her. I thought to myself, “If in the future her father doesn’t take care of her, I’ll have her come with me. Then, I will just do a single-task duty, and look after her while I do my duty.” But when I thought this, I felt some self-reproach in my heart, “I am now a district leader, responsible for the work of several churches. If I really let go of my duty, wouldn’t that be considered abandoning it?” But then I thought, “I can’t ignore my daughter. If I did, wouldn’t she complain about me, saying that as her mother, I am too cruel, don’t take care of her, and don’t want her? Wouldn’t my family berate me?” When I thought this, I was caught in a dilemma and didn’t know what to do. This matter was all I thought about during those days. I couldn’t eat or sleep well, and I couldn’t quiet my heart. I left because I had my duty to do, but sometimes, when I thought about my daughter, my heart became disturbed, affecting my duty. I realized that my state was incorrect, and prayed to God, that He would lead me to quiet my heart and seek the truth to resolve my problems.

One day, I read the words of God: “There are also those who, because they’ve come to believe in God, live the church life, read God’s words, and perform their duties, won’t have any time to associate normally with their non-believing children, their wives (or husbands), their parents, or their friends and relatives. In particular, they will be unable to properly look after their non-believing children, or do any of the things their children require, and so they worry about their children’s future and prospects. Especially when their children grow up, some people will begin to fret: Will my child go to college or not? What will they major in if they get into college? My child doesn’t believe in God and wants to go to college, so should I, as someone who believes in God, pay for their studies? Should I take care of their daily needs and support them in their studies? And when it comes to them getting married, having a job, and even having a family and children of their own, what role should I play? What things should I do and not do? They have no idea about these things. The moment something like this comes along, the moment they find themselves in such a situation, they are at a loss and have no idea what to do, nor do they know how to handle such things. As time passes, distress, anxiety, and worry arise regarding these things: If they do these things for their child, they fear going against God’s intentions and displeasing God, and if they don’t do these things, they fear not fulfilling their parental responsibilities and being blamed by their child and other family members; if they do these things, they fear that they will lose testimony, and if they don’t do these things, they fear being mocked by worldly people, and being laughed at, jibed at, and judged by their neighbors; they fear dishonoring God, but they’re also afraid of earning themselves a bad reputation, and feeling so ashamed that they cannot show their face. As they vacillate around these things, distress, anxiety, and worry arise in their hearts; they feel distressed about not knowing what to do, they feel anxious about doing the wrong thing no matter what they choose, and not knowing whether anything they do is appropriate, and they worry if these things keep happening, then one day they won’t be able to cope with them, and if they have a breakdown then things will be even harder for them. People in such a situation as this feel distressed, anxious, and worried about all of these things that crop up in life, whether they are big things or small things. Once these negative emotions arise in them, they become mired in this distress, anxiety, and worry, and are unable to free themselves: If they do this, it’s wrong, if they do that, it’s wrong, and they don’t know what the right thing to do is; they want to please other people, but they fear displeasing God; they want to do things for other people so that they are spoken well of, but they don’t want to dishonor God or cause God to detest them. That is why they always become mired in these feelings of distress, anxiety, and worry. … if you pursue the truth, then you won’t sink into a negative emotion because of some environment. If you don’t pursue the truth, however, you will very naturally become overwhelmed by your environment again and again and will become stuck in the negative emotions of distress, anxiety, and worry. Looking at it from this perspective, is pursuing the truth not important? (It is.) There are the truth principles to be sought in everything that happens. In reality, however, because people don’t pursue the truth and don’t seek the truth principles, or else they know clearly what God requires, what the truth principles are, what path they should practice, and what the criteria for practice are, but they don’t pay them any heed or follow them, when they always make their own choices and plans, what will happen to them in the end? When people don’t practice in accordance with God’s words, always worrying about this and that, then there is only one outcome, and that is that they become mired in distress, anxiety, and worry, and cannot get back out again” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). What God’s words exposed was exactly my state. It turned out that I had already become distressed and concerned about my daughter’s situation. When I saw that my daughter was not doing well in her studies, hadn’t really settled down, and led an undisciplined life, I worried that it would be hard for her to find a good job in the future, and also worried that if she didn’t believe in God properly, she wouldn’t have a good destination in the future either. I felt like I had let my daughter down, feeling that if I had been by her side, she wouldn’t have turned out like this. So I wanted to change to a single-task duty, live with my daughter, and take good care of her. However, I was a district leader, responsible for the work of several churches, so this would hinder my duty. I was conflicted, caught in a dilemma and not knowing what to do. I prayed to God, “Dear God, may You enlighten and guide me to understand the truth, so I can leave this state behind and devote my heart to my duties.”

One day, I read a passage of God’s words that was very helpful to me. God says: “God gave you children only for you to enjoy the process of raising them, to gain life experience and knowledge from it as parents, to let you experience something special and extraordinary in human life, and then to let your offspring multiply…. Of course, it is also to fulfill the responsibility of a created being as a parent. It is the responsibility God ordained for you to fulfill toward the next generation, as well as the role you play as parents for the next generation. In one respect, it is to go through this extraordinary process of raising children, and in another, it is to play a role in propagating the next generation. Once this obligation is fulfilled, and your children grow up into adults, whether they become highly successful or remain plain, ordinary, and simple individuals, it has nothing to do with you, because their destiny is not determined by you, nor is it your choice, and you certainly did not give it to them—it is ordained by God. Since it is ordained by God, you should not interfere or stick your nose into their life or their survival. Their habits, daily routines, and attitude toward life, whatever survival strategies they have, whatever outlook on life, whatever their attitude toward the world—these are their own choices to make, and they are not your concern. You have no obligation to correct them or to bear any suffering on their behalf to ensure that they are happy every day. All of these things are unnecessary. Each person’s destiny is determined by God; therefore, how much blessing or suffering they experience in life, what kind of family, marriage, and children they have, what experiences they go through in society, and what events they experience in life, they themselves cannot foresee or change such things, and parents have even less of an ability to change them. Therefore, if children encounter any difficulties, parents should help positively and proactively if they have the ability to do so. If not, it is best for parents to relax and view these matters from the perspective of created beings, treating their children equally as created beings. The suffering you experience, they must also experience; the life you live, they must also live; the process you have gone through of raising young children, they will also go through; the twists and turns, fraud and deception you experience in society and among people, the emotional entanglements, and interpersonal conflicts, and every similar thing you have experienced, they will experience it too. They, like you, are all corrupted human beings, all carried away by the currents of evil, corrupted by Satan; you cannot escape it, and neither can they. Therefore, wanting to help them avoid all suffering and enjoy all the blessings in the world is a silly delusion and a foolish idea. No matter how vast the wings of an eagle may be, they cannot protect the young eaglet throughout its entire life. The young eaglet will eventually reach a point when it must grow up and fly alone. When the young eaglet chooses to fly alone, no one knows where its stretch of sky may be, or where it will choose to fly. Therefore, the most rational attitude for parents after their children grow up is to let go, to let them experience life on their own, to let them live independently, and face, handle, and resolve the various challenges in life independently. If they seek help from you and you have the ability and conditions to do so, of course you can lend a helping hand and provide necessary aid. However, you must understand a fact: No matter what help you provide, whether it’s financial or psychological, it can only be temporary and cannot change any substantial issues. They must navigate their own path in life, and you have no obligation to shoulder any of their affairs or consequences. This is the attitude parents should have toward their adult children” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (19)). After reading God’s words, my heart became much brighter. I understood that by raising our children to adulthood, we have already fulfilled our parental responsibilities and obligations. As for what kind of future our children have, what job they do, what kind of life they lead, how many blessings they will enjoy in life, and how much suffering they will endure, these things have all been ordained by God. My daughter is now grown up; even if I stay by her side and take care of her, it won’t change anything. What she pursues and what path she chooses are determined by God’s sovereignty and arrangements. I can’t interfere with or decide them at all. At most, I can remind her when she is not attending to proper tasks, and comfort her in times of pain, saying a few caring words and shedding a few tears with her. As for the rest, there’s nothing I can do about it. For example, when I saw my daughter that time and found out that her life wasn’t going well, I could only comfort her a bit. In the future, she still has to face life on her own, and no matter what difficulties and hardships she encounters, they are things she must endure. She has her own life. I can’t possibly protect her forever like a hen protecting its chick, nor am I able to. I thought about my niece, who is three years younger than my daughter. She now follows evil trends, eating, drinking, partying, and often stays out all night. Her mother keeps tabs on her every day, but still can’t keep her in check; if her mother says one word, she retorts with ten. She can’t control her daughter at all. I realized that what path each person takes and the destiny they have is not something that their parents can decide. That my daughter can now believe in God is God’s grace. If she doesn’t pursue the truth and follows evil trends, she will just have to suffer from Satan’s affliction like worldly people do, and no one else will be able to bear that for her. Only she can walk the path she chooses. I can’t help her in any way. If I get the chance to see my daughter, I would read God’s words to her more, so that she would realize what things are positive and what things are negative. But if we can’t be together, I have to learn to let go. My daughter is an adult now. There are things she must experience and suffering she must endure. I have believed in God for many years, and have often said how God is sovereign over human destiny, and about how I am willing to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements. But when something came upon me, I didn’t believe in God’s words anymore. When I saw my daughter’s life was not going well, I thought it was because I had not taken good care of her, and all her suffering was caused by me. So I wanted to change my daughter’s destiny by my own means. I was truly so arrogant! I didn’t believe that my daughter was in God’s hands; what I revealed was the viewpoint of a disbeliever.

Afterward, I reflected on myself, “Why did I feel like I had let my daughter down when I saw she was not doing well, and even want to abandon my duty to take care of her? What thoughts and viewpoints were controlling me?” I read a passage of God’s words: “People who live in this real society have been deeply corrupted by Satan. Regardless of whether they’re educated or not, a lot of traditional culture is ingrained in people’s thoughts and views. In particular, women are required to attend to their husbands and raise their children, to be a good wife and loving mother, devoting their whole lives to their husbands and children and living for them, making sure the family has three square meals a day, and doing the washing, cleaning, and all other housework well. This is the accepted standard of being a good wife and loving mother. Every woman also thinks this is the way things should be done, and that if she doesn’t then she’s not a good woman, and has violated conscience and the standards of morality. Violating these moral standards will weigh heavily on some people’s conscience; they’ll feel they’ve let their husbands and children down, and that they’re not a good woman. But after you believe in God, have read a lot of His words, understood some truths, and seen through some matters, you’ll think, ‘I am a created being and should perform my duty as such, and expend myself for God.’ At this time, is there a conflict between being a good wife and loving mother, and doing your duty as a created being? If you want to be a good wife and loving mother, then you cannot do your duty full time, but if you want to do your duty full time then you cannot be a good wife and loving mother. What do you do now? If you choose to do your duty well and be responsible for the work of the church, loyal to God, then you must give up being a good wife and loving mother. What would you think now? What sort of discord would arise in your mind? Would you feel like you’ve let down your children, your husband? Where does this feeling of guilt and unease come from? When you don’t fulfill the duty of a created being, do you feel like you’ve let God down? You have no sense of guilt or blame because, in your heart and mind, there isn’t the slightest hint of the truth. So, what do you understand? Traditional culture and being a good wife and loving mother. Thus the notion of ‘If I’m not a good wife and loving mother, then I’m not a good or decent woman’ will arise in your mind. You’ll be bound and fettered by this notion from then on, and will remain so by these kinds of notions even after you believe in God and do your duty. When there is a conflict between doing your duty and being a good wife and loving mother, while you may reluctantly choose to do your duty, possessing perhaps a little loyalty to God, there’ll still be a feeling of unease and blame in your heart. Therefore, when you have some spare time while doing your duty, you’ll look for chances to take care of your children and husband, wanting to make it up to them even more, and think it’s fine even if you have to suffer more, as long as you have peace of mind. Is this not brought about by the influence of traditional culture’s ideas and theories about being a good wife and loving mother? You now have a foot in both camps, wanting to fulfill your duty well but also wanting to be a good wife and loving mother. But before God, we only have one responsibility and obligation, one mission: to properly fulfill the duty of a created being. Have you fulfilled this duty well? Why did you stray off track again? Is there really no sense of blame or reproach in your heart? Because the truth has still not laid foundations in your heart, and does not yet reign over it, you can stray off track when doing your duty. Although now you’re able to do your duty, you’re actually still falling far short of the standards of truth and God’s requirements. Can you see this fact clearly now? What does God mean when He says that ‘God is the source of man’s life’? It is to make everyone realize this: Our lives and souls all come from God and were created by Him—not from our parents, and certainly not from nature, but given us by God. Only our flesh was born of our parents, as our children are born of us, but their fate is entirely in God’s hands. That we can believe in God is an opportunity given by Him; it is ordained by Him and is His grace. There is therefore no need for you to fulfill your obligation or responsibility to anyone else; you should only fulfill your duty to God as a created being. This is what people must do above anything else, the main thing that should be done as the primary affair of one’s life” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Recognizing One’s Own Misguided Views Can One Truly Transform). From God’s words, I understood that traditional cultural ideas such as “being a good wife and loving mother,” and “women attending to their husbands and raising their children” all come from Satan. Satan uses traditional culture to corrupt people, and uses these traditional ideas to bind women, making them live for their husbands and their children. Even if they believe in God and do their duties, they are still influenced by these ideas, and cannot devote their hearts completely to their duties. I was exactly like this. Although I had believed in God for many years, my thoughts were still shackled by the traditional cultural ideas instilled in me by Satan. I believed that women should attend to their husbands and raise their children, sacrificing everything for their children. When I saw my daughter was not doing well, I felt like I had not taken good care of her and had not fulfilled my responsibilities as a mother. My conscience was uneasy. I was worried that my daughter would hate me, and that my relatives would berate me behind my back if they found out. I have been eating and drinking God’s words for so many years. I know that all human life comes from God, and that it is God who has provided us with everything we need for our existence. I am a created being—doing my duty is perfectly natural and justified. But I was trapped in affection for my daughter, and even wanted to abandon my duty to take care of her, to make up for letting her down. Satan used these traditional ideas to bind me, trying to make me abandon my duty and betray God. If I chose to go back and take care of my daughter, it would satisfy her, but I would not be doing my duty well, and would be betraying God. In the end, I would be eliminated by God and go to hell with Satan. This was Satan’s sinister intention. I finally saw clearly that traditional cultural ideas such as “being a good wife and loving mother” and “women attending to their husbands and raising their children” are negative things. They mislead and corrupt people. I did not want to live by these traditional ideas anymore, but wanted to pursue the truth properly and do my duty well.

Later, I read more of God’s words: “As someone who believes in God and pursues the truth and salvation, the energy and time you have left in your life should be spent performing your duty and on whatever God has entrusted to you; you shouldn’t spend any time on your children. Your life does not belong to your children, and it should not be consumed for their lives or survival, nor to satisfy your expectations of them. Instead, it should be devoted to the duty and entrusted task that God has given you, as well as the mission you should fulfill as a created being. This is where the value and meaning of your life lie. If you are willing to lose your own dignity and become a slave to your children, to worry about them, and to do anything for them in order to satisfy your own expectations for them, then all of this is meaningless and devoid of value, and it will not be commemorated. If you persist in doing so and do not let go of these ideas and actions, it can only mean that you are not someone who pursues the truth, that you are not a qualified created being, and that you are quite rebellious. You cherish neither the life nor the time given to you by God. If your life and your time are spent only for your flesh and affections, and not for the duty God has given you, then your life is unnecessary and devoid of value. You don’t deserve to live, you don’t deserve to enjoy the life God has given you, and you don’t deserve to enjoy everything that God has given you” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (19)). God’s words really moved me, and I understood the value and meaning of life. God brought me into this world with a mission to complete and a duty to do. I should cherish and treasure this time, and, in this limited time I have, do the duty of a created being well, cast off my corrupt dispositions, and achieve salvation. I can’t abandon my duty just to take care of my daughter. The most important thing is to uphold my duty at all times. Now God’s work is soon to be at an end, and I should be thinking about how to do my duty well. In doing my duty, I should seek the truth and act according to principles. This is what God wants to see, and this is what I should do. Even more so, it’s where the true value of my life is. As for my daughter, she has grown up and should be independent. Whether there is happiness or suffering ahead of her, I cannot interfere with or control it. Now it is time for me to let go, placing my daughter in God’s hands, at the mercy of God’s orchestrations. When I thought this, I felt relieved. I no longer worry and fret about whether my daughter will suffer in the future, and am not constrained in doing my duty anymore. Thank God!