Who Was It That Rescued Her Marriage? (Audio Essay)
Yang Zi, China
She had just turned twenty, she had a graceful figure and appeared as pretty as a flower, and there were many suitors pursuing her. But she didn’t pay this any mind until one day when her friend invited her to come out and she by chance met Lin. Lin was almost 6 feet tall, he was tall and handsome, with a dignified bearing. He spoke with humor and with wit, and was able to attract her in an instant. And Lin too was quite interested in her. The two of them started seeing each other very soon, and after a few months they got married. Before long they had a child of their own, and this made her feel very blessed. But good things don’t last forever. Just when she was starting to enjoy everything and long for a beautiful future, she discovered that Lin was not engaging in honest work every day. All day long he was idling about, and he would even go out often and get in fights and gamble. When he returned home, he would pick out faults with her no matter if there was something going on or not. He simply did not care for her or their child. She did not understand why Lin was acting this way. Many times with eyes full of tears she would urge Lin to walk the correct path, but not only did Lin not listen, he would even lash out at her, and one time he even went so far as to nearly choke her to death. She had lost all hope in Lin. Before long, Lin got sentenced to prison for breaking the law, and she had to support herself and their one-and-a-half-year-old child on her own. Her life was full of hardships and dashed hopes. It wasn’t until 2003, when Lin completed his prison sentence and was released, that she was finished with this painful marriage.
After this, she took her son to her parents’ home. Since she didn’t have a job, she and her son had to rely on her relatives to assist them, which made her feel very embarrassed and helpless. When her neighbors saw that she was having difficulty taking care of her child by herself, they made an effort to look for a partner to introduce to her. At first she thought that she just wanted an average man, that as long as he was good to her child then it would be okay, but then she thought to herself: I’m still quite young, although I’ve gotten divorced, I cannot just settle for anyone. To her surprise, her neighbors introduced her to men who were very short, or otherwise they weren’t the least bit handsome, or they didn’t have a dignified bearing, some of them even forsook her for having a child, and none of the men that came by suited her, which made her feel quite disappointed. Later on she met Jun, he was eight years older than her, he was divorced, and he had a daughter. He had a dark complexion and average looks, and he wasn’t very tall. In her heart she didn’t really regard Jun highly, but he was honest and kind-hearted, and he was very kind to her and her son. So, she thought it over, and decided that for the sake of her son she had to compromise and marry him. After they got married, he was just as kind to them as he was before. He took care of them, he was very considerate, and he even did work around the house, cooking food and washing clothes. But she couldn’t get past the pitfall of her vanity, so she still could not completely accept Jun in her heart. She resented him for looking ugly and felt that he was undeserving of her. For this reason, she never wanted to go outside together with her husband. One time when she was out, she saw a dress in the display window of a shop that she really wanted to go try on, but she saw her husband behind her, who was old and dark, she thought if she let him walk beside her then the people working in the shop would certainly point at her and make fun of her behind her back, they would laugh about how she didn’t have a good eye for things. How could her husband be so old? She couldn’t let go of this pride of hers, so she made him wait for her outside in the entryway of the shop. In that moment, she saw a look of disappointment sweep over his eyes, but then he immediately smiled and said: “Go try it on, I’ll wait for you.” When she heard this, she felt somewhat ashamed and uneasy. After this, in order to make her accept him in her heart, Jun took over all household duties, and did them the best he could, but no matter what he did, she wasn’t able to fully accept him.
In 2010 she started doing cosmetics business, and when this started, the clothes and makeup she wore became more and more fashionable and trendy, making her look even younger and more beautiful. When she would stand in front of the mirror next to her husband, he appeared even more like a rural peasant in contrast to her, he didn’t have the looks or the personality. The distance between them had increased, and at this time she felt even worse in her heart. In addition, she was interacting with lots of people and saw that these other people’s husbands were good-looking and outstanding, so whenever she would return home and see her husband, she would feel more dissatisfied, and she could not help but find faults with him. Actually, she felt lost, for she knew that her husband had always worked hard to win her favor, and that she shouldn’t treat him like this, but since she always felt a disequilibrium in her heart, she couldn’t control how she felt. As time passed, Jun was unable to put up with this kind of life, the two of them would often get into quarrels, and they were living in suffering. She thought back to one afternoon when Jun came to the office to pick her up. Actually it would have been a good thing if he did not come because none of her coworkers knew what he looked like. But he came that day to pick her up, and then the next day her coworkers circled around her, asking: “Who was that yesterday who picked you up? He looked so rustic….” She immediately felt like she had lost face. She felt upset because she thought that her husband shouldn’t have come to pick her up. At the same time, she also asked herself how she could have found such a disappointing husband that she didn’t want to be seen with, who was ridiculed and looked down upon by other people. She really had a difficult time living like this. In this moment, she came up with a brazen idea: She would look again for someone of the opposite sex that she liked. As for her marriage with Jun, if it really wasn’t going to work then she’d end it. Thereupon, she accompanied her coworkers whenever they invited her to go sing at KTV, but all she wanted to do was find a person of the opposite sex that she admired. At this time, since Jun was often being avoided and ignored by her, he started to feel a suffering in his heart, and he too started feeling more and more indifferent toward her. It got to the point that he too would sometimes not return home when he got off of work. In this way, the marriage between her and Jun entered into a crisis …
It was at this time that a classmate introduced to her the salvation of God in. She saw that God’s word is very practical, and that every sentence spoke to a deep place within her heart. Not only did it reveal and substance of humanity being corrupted by Satan, it also pointed out the proper path to follow in one’s life. So she gladly accepted God’s work in the last days. When she got together with brothers and sisters, she saw that they were all very pure and that they loved one another, and whenever they got together they never talked about what they wore or ate or about other pleasures. They never compared themselves with each other to see who was the prettiest or who had the most money, all of them just focused on pursuing the truth, and whenever things befell them they would always pray to God to seek. They reflected on themselves in the word of God to get to know themselves, and they strove to put the word of God into practice and conduct themselves as honest people. This was something that she had never seen before. In addition, she also saw that whenever the brothers and sisters were with their husbands and wives, they were still putting the word of God into practice. In particular, there was a sister who was younger and prettier than her whose husband had even worse looks than Jun, but the sister didn’t avoid her husband at all. The two of them got along very harmoniously. She couldn’t comprehend this. She didn’t understand why the sister wasn’t avoiding her husband. Later on the sister fellowshiped with her, saying: “Every person’s marriage was predestined long ago by God, so no matter what kind of marriage it is, behind the scenes there is always God’s careful arrangement, and in particular, whenever the husband that God arranges for us doesn’t have any looks and doesn’t conform to our expectations, this is actually the best thing possible for us, for within this is the gracious will of God. It is only because we have been deeply corrupted by Satan that we always have extravagant desires, picks and demands, which make us not understand what God’s intention is whenever He makes His arrangements, so then we always look down upon our own husband and feel that our marriages are not what we wished for, which makes us live in suffering. But when we seek God’s will and come to an understanding of the truth and are willing to let go of our individual preferences and desires, then we will see that the arrangement God has made for us is the best and most suitable for us, and really it is protection for us. If we are able to naturally submit to this, then we will no longer turn our backs to our husbands.” At that time, since she had just started believing in God, she still wasn’t aware of the truth, she seemed to understand the sister’s fellowship but did not really understand it. She just greatly admired what the sister lived out in the presence of her husband.
One day came when she read in the word of God: “We only wish to talk about the ideas that social trends bring about for people, the way they cause people to conduct themselves in the world, the life goals and outlook that they bring about in people. These are very important; they can control and influence man’s state of mind. … When the wind of a trend blows through, perhaps only a small number of people will become the trendsetters. They start off doing this kind of thing, accepting this kind of idea or this kind of perspective. The majority of people, however, in the midst of their unawareness, will still be continually infected, assimilated and attracted by this kind of trend, until they all unknowingly and involuntarily accept it, and are all submerged in and controlled by it. For man who is not of sound body and mind, who never knows what is truth, who cannot tell the difference between positive and negative things, these kinds of trends one after another make them all willingly accept these trends, the life view, the life philosophies and values that come from Satan. They accept what Satan tells them on how to approach life and the way to live that Satan ‘bestows’ on them. They have not the strength, neither do they have the ability, much less the awareness to resist” (“God Himself, the Unique VI” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). Once she finished the word of God, she finally understood. Actually, her suffering in these past years all originated from Satan’s corruption. Satan imbues man with the idea that men looking for women who are “fair-skinned, rich and beautiful” and women looking for men who are “tall, rich and handsome” is the only way to have a blessed and happy marriage. Under the influence of this kind of societal trend, people’s viewpoints on marriage have become distorted. Nowadays when people search for their other half, they simply do not care about the quality of their partner’s humanity, and whether or not they are suitable for themselves, instead they stress their partner’s looks, whether or not they’re tall and handsome or fair-skinned and pretty, or if their family is well off, or whether or not they meet the standards they have demanded for their spouse, and so on. They feel that so long as they are able to find a handsome or pretty spouse with money, then they will have a grand and enjoyable life that certainly will not be lived in vain. She also unwittingly accepted this kind of viewpoint when it came to choosing a spouse. In her mind she had always hoped to find a tall and handsome husband with a dignified bearing to share her life with, and she believed that this alone would make her happy. Think about it, the first husband that she chose carefully—Lin—all of his qualifications conformed to the standards she had when it came to choosing a spouse, he really did satisfy her vanity, but after they got married she realized that Lin’s humanity was not good, that his behavior was stubborn and obstreperous and that he had countless bad habits. Not only did she not have a happy marriage, on the contrary she was neglected by Lin, he made things difficult for her and even beat her. At last, she was even forced to raise her child alone. Whenever she was living together with Lin, there was a lot of suffering in her body and in her soul, and in the end, while she was in pain, she ended this first marriage. Whenever she thinks about that time in her life now, it scares her. But her current husband—Jun—although he is not handsome or tall, although he is quite unsophisticated, still his moral standing is good. He is kind-hearted and plays his part, and he really looks after the family. He takes care of and is really considerate of her and her son. He is always thinking of ways to make her like him and treats her son as his own. But because Jun’s looks were not as good as what she wished for, she always felt a disequilibrium in her heart, and she always felt that Jun did not deserve her. She felt that she lost face and lowered her social status by finding a husband like this, so she always looked at him with unfavorable eyes. All along she wasn’t able to accept him, and it got to the point to where she wanted to fully give up on her marriage with Jun and once again find someone of the opposite sex who was tall and handsome so that she could satisfy her vanity. It was in this moment that she finally came to a sort of realization. Because she had been imbued with Satan’s ideas and her viewpoints on marriage were distorted, she didn’t know what kind of marriage she needed, so she was not able to accept Jun, and fully ignored and neglected Jun, which caused her and Jun to both live in suffering. It was for this reason that their marriage was going down a rocky path. In that moment, she really did come to an understanding through her experience. If people do not, they will not possess the truth, and so they will not be able to discern Satan’s misconceptions and lies. They will follow the evil trends of society and live on the basis of Satan’s erroneous thoughts and viewpoints, they will be duped and bound by Satan and live in suffering. How truly pitiable this is!
After understanding these things, she was willing to turn away from her own mistaken viewpoints and take another look at the marriage she was in. She was also fully aware that she was a Christian herself, so she must live out the likeness of a Christian to bring shame to Satan. Thereupon she stopped thinking about going off to look for someone of the opposite sex who conformed to her desires, and instead she started to care for Jun. Slowly, she started to accept Jun in her heart. Jun could also feel the change she went through, which made him very happy. They gradually grew much closer than before when they had been indifferent to one another. The mood in their home also stopped being so tense.
One day her friend came to visit her at home. When Jun saw her coming, he hurried into the kitchen to prepare lunch. As the two of them chatted, her friend said: “Our classmate Pan Lin’s husband is handsome and rich. He’s the vice president of a company and has several properties in Hangzhou….” As she heard her friend say this, she felt a sting in her heart, and she immediately thought about her dream from youth, which brought about a vague feeling of disappointment…. She realized that her situation wasn’t right, so she immediately prayed to God asking Him to protect her heart. After the, she realized: When we look at people, we cannot emphasize their outward appearance, and the most important thing is to see what kind of humanity a person has. Some people, even though they are “fair-skinned, rich and beautiful” or “tall, rich and handsome,” have an extremely inferior quality of humanity, or not even the slightest bit of humanity. Wouldn’t we suffer if we lived together with a person like this? Because the viewpoints I pursued before were incorrect, in the end, I didn’t obtain happiness. On the contrary, I suffered an unspeakable amount. Even today, I still have not awakened, so how could I want to repeat such disastrous actions? The husband that God has prepared for me now is the most suitable, as well as the most beneficial, so why should I bring further trouble upon myself? Thinking of this, her heart was enlightened. She was no longer affected by her friend’s words. She smiled and said to her friend: “Everyone has their own lives. Whatever kind of home and whatever kind of marriage we have is arranged by God. What’s more, people who are rich and have good looks always have more desires, but this is not necessarily happiness. I used to want to find a husband who was tall and handsome and had a dignified bearing, but in the end Lin did not engage in honest work and I lived in lots of pain! Now I have Jun. Although he is some years older than me and his looks are not as good as Lin’s, his moral character is good, he doesn’t have any bad habits, and I know he loves me dearly and is considerate of my needs. Although our life is nothing special, it is quite harmonious, and I feel very happy.” At this time Jun came out, and this time she didn’t avoid him or try to hide him, rather she calmly introduced him to her friend. Her friend told her: “At first glance I could tell that your husband is an honest and hardworking man, and he is very good to you, you truly are blessed!” She nodded her head cheerfully, and in her heart she silently thanked God, because she was fully aware that this was God looking after her and protecting her. If it weren’t for the enlightenment and guidance of God’s words, then she and Jun may have parted ways long ago. Then how would she have this blessed life that she has today? This is all God’s blessing! When Jun saw that she was no longer avoiding him, a happy smile appeared on his face that had never been there before.
After this, her relationship with Jun became more harmonious. Every time she would return home, Jun was always waiting for her with a cooked meal, and he was also very supportive when it came to her faith in God. Every time that she saw these things, it really moved her. She truly felt that God had bestowed her with the best things, and that only by submitting to God’s plans and arrangements can a person truly be happy. She had a deeper understanding that she ought to enjoy this marriage that God has bestowed upon her, and in her heart she felt more and more liberated. She thanked God from the bottom of her heart for saving her marriage that was on the brink of falling apart. All glory be to!