How to Pursue the Truth (11) Part Three

We’ve just fellowshipped on the issue of “people shouldn’t be the slaves of marriage,” telling people to relinquish their fallacious views on marriage. That is, some people think that they must keep their marriage going and do all they can to keep their marriage from breaking up and ending. In order to achieve this goal, they make compromises. They’d rather sacrifice many of their own positive pursuits to keep their marriage going, and they become willing slaves to their marriage. These people mistakenly interpret the existence and definition of marriage, and their attitude toward marriage is wrong, therefore they should relinquish such wrong thoughts and views, get away from this kind of distorted marital state, take the correct approach to marriage, and correctly handle these issues that crop up in marriage—this is the third issue people should relinquish regarding marriage. Next, we’ll fellowship on the fourth issue concerning marriage: Marriage is not your destination. This is also an issue. Since it is a topic we fellowship about, this is a demonstrative issue within the current situations in people’s marriages. It exists in all kinds of marital circumstances. It’s also a kind of attitude people have toward marriage or a kind of state of living, so we should fellowship on this issue and make it clear. After they get married, some women think they’ve found Mr. Right. They believe they can rely on and trust this man, that he can be a solid support for them on their life path, and that he will be solid and reliable when they need to rely on him. Some men think they’ve found the right woman. She is beautiful and generous, gentle and considerate, virtuous and understanding. With this woman, they believe they will have a stable life and a peaceful and warm home. When people get married, they all think themselves lucky and happy. Most people believe that when they get married, their partner is a symbol of their chosen future life and that, of course, their marriage is the destination they seek in this life. What does this mean? It means that everyone who gets married believes that marriage is their destination, and that once they have such a marriage, that marriage is their destination. What does “destination” mean? It means a foothold. They entrust their prospects, their future, and their happiness to their marriage as well as to the partner they entered marriage with, and so after they get married, they think that they will never again want for anything or have any more worries. This is because they feel they’ve already found their destination, and this destination is both their partner and also the home they build together with that person. Since they’ve found their destination, they no longer need to pursue anything or hope for anything. Of course, from people’s attitudes and views toward marriage, it’s beneficial for the stability of the marriage structure. At the very least, if a man or woman has a fixed partner of the opposite sex as their marital spouse, they’ll no longer have affairs or have more sexual relationships with the opposite sex. This is beneficial for most marital partners. At the very least, their hearts will settle down concerning relationships, they will be attracted to one regular partner of the opposite sex and will be stabilized in a basic living environment by a regular spouse of the opposite sex—this is a good thing. However, when someone enters into marriage, if they regard their marriage as their destination, while they regard all their pursuits, their outlook on life, the path they follow in life, and what God requires of them as superfluous things for their spare time, then imperceptibly having their marriage as their destination is not a good thing, but conversely it becomes an obstacle, a stumbling block, and a hindrance for their pursuit of the correct goals in life, their establishment of the correct outlook on life, and even for their pursuit of salvation. This is because when someone who gets married considers their partner to be their destination and their destiny in this life, they believe that their partner’s various emotions, their happiness and unhappiness, are related to themselves, and that their own happiness and unhappiness and various emotions are related to their partner, and so their partner’s life, death, happiness and joy are linked together with their own life, death, happiness and joy. Therefore, these people’s idea that their marriage is their life destination makes their pursuit of their life path, positive things, and salvation very sluggish and passive. If the partner of someone who follows God in their marriage chooses not to follow God and instead chooses to pursue worldly things, then the one who does follow God will be severely impacted by their partner. For example, the wife believes she should believe in God and pursue the truth, and that she should give up her job and perform her duty, expend herself, and dedicate herself in God’s house, whereas her husband thinks, “Belief in God is a good thing, but we still have to live. If we both perform our duty, who’s going to earn money? Who will support the home? Who will sustain the life of our family?” With this view he chooses to keep working and to keep pursuing worldly things; he doesn’t say he doesn’t believe in God, and he doesn’t say he opposes it either. The wife who believes in God is always thinking, “My husband is my destination. I’m fine only when he’s fine. If he’s not fine, then I can’t be fine either. We’re like grasshoppers tied to the same rope. We share the same joys and sorrows, and we live and die together. I go wherever he goes. Now we have disagreements in choosing our path and cracks have begun to appear, so how can we be reconciled? I want to follow God, but he’s not interested in faith in God. If he doesn’t believe in God, then I won’t be able to progress in my own faith and won’t feel like following God anymore. This is because from the very beginning, I thought of him as my sky, my destiny. I can’t leave him. If he doesn’t believe in God then neither of us will, and if he does believe in God then we both will. If he doesn’t believe in God, I’ll feel like I’m lacking something, as though my soul has been taken away.” She feels anxious and worried about this matter all the time. She often prays, hoping that her husband can believe in God. But no matter how she prays, her husband is unmoved and he doesn’t believe in God. She is distressed—whatever is she to do? There’s nothing she can do, so she makes the utmost effort, and so long as her husband is at home, she takes him to go read God’s words. Her husband reads God’s words and listens while she reads them without aversion, but he doesn’t actively participate in fellowship. Because they are husband and wife, he just doesn’t argue with her. When asked to learn to sing hymns, he goes along with it and learns to sing them, and after he’s learned them he doesn’t say whether he has learned them completely or whether he likes them. When asked to attend gatherings, on occasion when he has some spare time he’ll go with his wife to the gathering, but normally he’s busy working and earning money. He never mentions anything to do with faith in God, he never takes the initiative to ask to attend a gathering or perform a duty. In short, he’s lukewarm toward it all. He doesn’t oppose belief in God, but neither does he support it, and he doesn’t show what his attitude toward it is. The wife who believes in God takes all this to heart and remembers it, and says, “Since we’re a married couple and we two are a family, if I enter the kingdom then so must he. If he doesn’t follow me in my faith then he won’t be able to enter the kingdom or attain salvation, and then I won’t want to live either and will want to die.” Even though she isn’t dead yet, in her heart she is always feeling worried, pained, and tormented by this matter, thinking, “If one day the disasters come and he dies in the disasters, what will I do? There is now such a big plague. If he gets this plague, then I won’t live anymore. He isn’t saying he opposes my belief in God, but what will I do if one day he really says he doesn’t want me to believe in God anymore?” She worries that, when that time comes, she’ll follow her husband and will choose not to believe in God and betray God. This is because in her heart, her husband is her soul, he is her life, and even more so he is her sky, her everything. The husband in her heart loves her the most, and she is the one who loves her husband the most. But now she’s run up against a problem: If her husband opposes her belief in God and her prayers are to no avail, what then? She frets about this a lot. When she is required to go perform her duty away from home, although she also wishes to perform her duty in God’s house, when she hears that to perform her duty she must leave home and travel far away, and that she must be away from home for a long time, she feels incredible anguish. Why is that? She worries that by leaving home her husband will have no one to look after him, she will miss her husband and won’t be able to stop worrying about him. She will be concerned about him and will long for him and will even feel that she can’t live without him at her side, that she will lose hope and direction in life, and that she won’t be able to wholeheartedly perform her duty either. Now, she just has to think about it and her heart is pained, never mind if this really were to happen. So, in the church, she never dares to ask to go perform her duty in another place, or if there is some job that requires someone to stay away for a long period of time and sleep overnight away from home, she never dares to put herself forward for the job or dares to agree to such a request. She just does everything within her power delivering letters for her brothers and sisters, or sometimes hosting them for gatherings at her home, but she never dares to part from her husband for a whole day. If there really is some special circumstance and her husband must go on a business trip or is away for a few days, then she will cry at home for two or three days before her husband leaves, crying until her eyes have swollen up like tomatoes. Why does she cry? She worries that her husband will die in a plane crash and not even his body will be found, and what will she do then? How will she live and get through the days? Her sky will be gone, it will feel as though her heart has been stolen. Just thinking about it terrifies her, and that’s why she cries when she thinks of it. Her husband hasn’t even left yet and she’s been crying for two or three days, and she keeps crying until he comes back, crying so much that her husband gets annoyed and says, “What on earth’s the matter with her? I’m not even dead and she’s crying. Is she cursing me to die?” There’s nothing he can do, she just keeps on crying, saying, “I just don’t want you to go away, I don’t want you out of my sight.” She stakes her fate and destination on her husband whom she entered into marriage with, and regardless of whether this way of doing things is foolish or childish, there are people like this in any case. Are there more men like this or more women? (Women.) There seems to be more women like this, women can be a little feeble. No matter who leaves whom between men and women, can they still go on living? (Yes.) No matter who leaves whom, is that something you’re able to choose? Is that something you can control? (No.) No, that’s not something you can control, and so you’re lost in foolish fancies, and you cry, and feel vexed, and worried, and pained—is there any point to all this? (No.) These people feel that being able to look at their partner, hold their hand, and live with them means that they have a lifetime of support, like being soothed and comforted. They think they will have no worries about food or clothing, no concerns, and that their partner is their destination. Unbelievers have a saying that goes, “If I have you in this life, then I need nothing else.” This is how these people feel toward their marriage and their partner in their innermost hearts; they feel happy when their partner’s happy, anxious when their partner’s anxious, and they suffer when their partner suffers. If their partner dies, they don’t want to live anymore either. And if their partner goes off and falls in love with someone else, what do they do? (They don’t want to live.) Some don’t want to live anymore and so they commit suicide, and some people lose their minds. Tell Me, what’s this all about? What kind of person loses their mind? To lose one’s mind shows that they’re possessed. Some women believe their husband to be their destination in life, and that once they’ve found such a man, they will never again love any other man—it is a case of “If I have him in this life then I need nothing else.” But her husband disappoints her, goes off to love someone else, and doesn’t want her anymore. So what happens in the end? She then hates absolutely all members of the opposite sex. When she sees another man, she wants to spit at him, curse him, and hit him. She develops violent tendencies, and her sense of reason gets warped. There are some who really do lose their minds. These are the consequences when people don’t correctly understand marriage.

These people view marriage as a symbol of their successful pursuit of happiness, as well as a life destination and goal they have long dreamed of and now achieved. Marriage to them is the last of their life objectives, and their pursuits regarding marriage are to share this life with their partner, to grow old together, and to live and die together. In order to verify the thought and idea that their marriage is their destination, they do many things in married life that go beyond rationality and the range of a person’s responsibilities. These things that go beyond the range of a person’s responsibilities include the extreme things whereby they lose their integrity, their dignity, and the goals they pursue. For example, they often keep tabs on who their partner is with every day, what they do when they go out, whether they have had any contact with other members of the opposite sex, and whether they have had any interactions or friendly relations with other members of the opposite sex that go beyond the scope of friendship. There are also some people who spend a lot of time observing and probing their partner’s attitude toward themselves to see whether they are on their partner’s mind and whether their partner still loves them. There are also some women who smell their husbands’ clothes when they get home, checking them for any women’s hairs, checking their shirts for signs of other women’s lipstick. They also check their husbands’ phones to see if there are any women’s numbers they don’t recognize, even checking to see how many phones their husbands have, who they’ve associated with, and whether what they say when they call every day is true. For example, a woman calls her husband and asks, “Where are you? What are you doing?” Her husband replies, “I’m at work, reviewing documents.” She says, “Take a photo of the documents you’re reviewing and send it to me.” Her husband does as she says, and then she asks, “Who’s in the office with you?” He replies, “It’s just me.” She says, “Can you video call me so I can see who else is in the office?” He video calls her and she sees that there seems to be the figure of a woman walking away, so she says, “That’s not true, who is that woman?” He says, “That’s just the cleaner.” She says, “Ah, okay.” Only then does she relax. People like this check their husbands’ phones, their whereabouts, what they’re doing at all hours of the day. They have such great expectations for their marriage and even greater feelings of insecurity. Of course, they have a tremendous desire to possess and control their spouse. Because they’re certain that their spouse is their destination and that their spouse is the one they must and should be with all their life, they therefore cannot possibly allow any cracks to appear in the marriage, or even any flaws or minor problems—all this they cannot allow. And so they put most of their energy into monitoring their spouse, sounding out their spouse, inquiring about their movements and whereabouts, and into controlling them. Especially when their spouse has an affair, this is something they cannot abide. They make a scene, roll around, cry, cause trouble, and threaten suicide. Some even take their troubles with them to gatherings and discuss strategies with their brothers and sisters, saying, “He’s my first love, the man I love the most. In my whole life I’ve never even held another man’s hand or touched another man’s skin. He’s the only man for me, he’s my sky, and he’s the one for me in this life. He’s gone off with someone else and I just can’t swallow what he’s done to me.” Someone says to her, “What’s the use in not being able to swallow this? Can you change what’s happened? Other people could see your husband had this predilection long ago.” She replies, “Whether he has this predilection or not, I just can’t accept what’s happened. Who is going to help me come up with an idea to punish him and try to stop his mistress from taking my place?” You see, she is so upset that she brings her troubles to a gathering to fellowship on it. Is this fellowship? This is venting inappropriate remarks, venting negative messages, and spreading negative information. It’s your own business, and whether you go home, close the door and beat him and argue, that’s your business, but you mustn’t bring your troubles and talk about them at gatherings. If you wish to seek the truth at a gathering, you may say, “This has happened to me, so how can I extricate myself from this situation and not be constrained by him? How can I not let this matter affect my faith in God and the performance of my duty?” It’s fine for you to seek the truth, but if you go to a gathering and talk about your disputes, then that is something you shouldn’t do. Why shouldn’t you do that? You have encountered this issue and now find yourself in your current life circumstances because of your incorrect understanding of marriage. You then want to bring these disputes and consequences to your brothers and sisters for fellowship, and not only does this have an impact on other people, but it doesn’t benefit you either. You talk about your disputes, but most people don’t understand the truth and have no stature, and all they can do is help you come up with ideas and go over your disputes. Not only can they not help you to attain positive entry, but on the contrary, they make things worse and make the problem more serious and complicated. Most people are muddleheaded and they don’t understand the truth or God’s will—can such people provide you with beneficial and valuable assistance? Someone says, “You will always be his legal wife. Evil can never overcome justice.” Is this the truth? (No.) Someone else says, “Don’t make way for his mistress, and then we’ll see whether she can replace you!” Is this the truth? (No.) Does it make you happy when you hear people say these things, or does it make you angry? Do they say these things to make you hotheaded or so that you understand the truth and have a path of practice? Someone else says, “I totally get it. There are no good men nowadays. Any man with money turns bad.” Is this the truth? (No.) And then someone says, “You mustn’t put up with this. You have to let that mistress know you won’t be pushed around so easily. Show her who’s boss. Go to where she works and tell everyone, cause a scene, and say she’s your husband’s mistress. You’re his legal wife and everyone will surely be on your side and not on hers. Get her to make way and back off.” Is this the truth? (No.) Are these sayings not the fallacious understandings of the majority of people? (They are.) Someone else speaks in a somewhat reserved way, saying, “He’s been with you for a lifetime, aren’t you fed up with him yet? If he wants to be with someone else, then let him. So long as he brings money home and you have things to eat and drink, isn’t that enough? You should be happy, and then you won’t always have him bothering you. So long as he keeps coming home and acknowledges this as his home, isn’t that enough? What are you angry about? You are actually taking advantage of this.” This sounds comforting, but is it the truth? (No.) Would a decent person say any of these things? (No.) If it’s not intended to stir up discord or provoke confrontation, it’s intended to calm things down and make an unprincipled compromise. Is there a word here that reflects the perspective the wife should have on the matter, a perspective that is both correct and in accord with the truth? (No.) Don’t most people say things like this? (Yes.) What does this prove? (Most people are quite muddleheaded and the ideas they come up with don’t help.) Most people are muddleheaded, they don’t pursue the truth, nor do they understand the truth. In any case, they don’t understand what the truth is, nor do they understand what God’s requirements of man are. To be more specific, concerning marriage, people simply don’t understand how, in terms of God’s words on and definition of marriage, they should tackle the problems that arise in marriage in a way that conforms with God’s will, and not get hotheaded.

No matter what issue you encounter, whether it be great or small, you must always approach it with God’s words as your basis and with the truth as your criterion. So then, what is the basis in God’s words concerning these issues that appear in marriage? What is the truth’s criterion? Your spouse is not faithful to your marriage, and that is his problem. But you cannot allow his problem to affect your having the correct attitude and sense of responsibility toward marriage. He is the transgressor, but you cannot allow his transgressions to affect the attitude you should have toward marriage. You believe him to be your destination, but that is just what you think, and in fact it is not like this. God never required or ordained this to be the case, either. It’s just that you insist on believing that he is your destination, your soul mate, out of affection, out of human desire, and more precisely, out of human hotheadedness. It is wrong for you to insist on believing this. No matter what you believed before, in any case you should now change course and see what the correct thoughts and attitudes are that God requires people to have. How should you handle it when your spouse is unfaithful? You shouldn’t quarrel and make trouble, nor should you make a scene and roll around on the ground. You should understand that when this happens, the sky does not cave in, nor is your dream of your destination destroyed, nor of course does it mean that your marriage must end and break up, much less does it mean that your marriage has failed or that it has come to the end of the road. It’s just that, because everyone has corrupt dispositions, and because people are influenced by the wicked trends and common practices of the world and they have no immunity to defend themselves against wicked trends, people cannot avoid making mistakes, being unfaithful, straying in their marriages, and letting their partner down. If you look at this problem from this perspective, then it’s not such a big deal. All marital families are influenced by the general environment of the world and by the wicked trends and common practices of society. Also, from an individual’s perspective, people have sexual desires, and in addition are influenced by such phenomena as the love affairs between men and women in movies and TV dramas and the trend of pornography in society. It’s difficult for people to adhere to the principles they should uphold. In other words, it’s difficult for people to maintain a moral baseline. The boundaries of sexual desire are easily broken; sexual desire itself is not corrupt, but because people have corrupt dispositions, plus the fact that people live in this kind of general environment, they easily make mistakes when it comes to relations between males and females, and this is something you should clearly understand. No one with a corrupt disposition can withstand temptation or enticement in this kind of general environment. Human sexual desire can overflow anytime and anywhere, and people will engage in infidelity anytime and anywhere. This is not because there is a problem with sexual desire itself, but because there is something wrong with people themselves. People will use their sexual desires to do things that cause them to lose their morality, ethics, and integrity, such as engaging in infidelity, having affairs, having mistresses, and so on. So, as someone who believes in God, if you can regard these things correctly, then you should handle them rationally. You are a corrupted human being, and he is a corrupted human being too, and so you mustn’t demand that he be like you and stay faithful just because you are able to stay faithful to your marriage, demanding that he mustn’t ever be unfaithful. When something like that happens, you should face it in the correct way. Why is that? Everyone has the opportunity to encounter such an environment or temptation. You can watch your spouse like a hawk but it won’t matter, and the more closely you watch him, the faster and sooner it happens. That’s because everyone has corrupt dispositions, everyone lives in this general environment of a wicked society, and very few are not promiscuous. They are kept from being so only by their situation or conditions. There are not many things in which humans are superior to beasts. At the very least, a beast naturally reacts to its sexual instincts, but that’s not the case with humans. Humans can consciously engage in promiscuity and incest—only people can engage in promiscuity. Therefore, in the general environment of this wicked society, not just those who don’t believe in God but almost all people are capable of doing such things. This is an indisputable fact, and one cannot escape from this problem. So, since this kind of thing can happen to anyone, why don’t you permit it to happen with your husband? This is actually a very normal thing to happen. It’s only because you are emotionally entangled with him that when he abandons you and dumps you, you aren’t able to overcome it and you can’t bear it. If something like this happened to someone else, you would just wear a wry smile and think, “That’s just normal. Isn’t everyone like this in society?” How does that saying go? Something about a cake? (They want to have their cake and eat it too.) These are all popular words and things of the world’s wicked trends. This is something commendable for a man. If a man has no cakes and isn’t able to eat any, it shows that the man has no ability and people will laugh at him. So when this kind of thing happens to a woman, she can make a scene, roll around, and vent her hotheadedness, crying, making trouble, and not eating because this has happened, and wanting to seek death, hang herself, and commit suicide. Some women get so angry that they lose their minds. This is imperceptibly related to her attitude toward marriage, and of course it is also directly related to her idea that “her spouse is her destination.” The woman believes that by breaking up their marriage, her husband has destroyed the entrustment and wonderful aspiration of her life’s destination. Because her husband was the first to destroy the balance of their marriage, the first to break the rules, because he dumped her, violated the vows of marriage, and turned her beautiful dream into a nightmare, this causes her to express herself in these ways and engage in these extreme behaviors. If people accept the correct understanding of marriage from God, then they will behave somewhat more rationally. When this kind of thing happens to them, normal people will feel hurt, they will cry, and they will suffer. But when they calm down and think about God’s words, think about the general environment in society, and then think about the actual situation, that everyone has corrupt dispositions, they will handle the matter rationally and correctly, and they will let it go rather than cling onto it like a dog with a bone. What do I mean by “let it go”? I mean that since your husband has done this thing and has been unfaithful to your marriage, you should accept this fact, sit down with him and talk, asking, “What’re your plans? What will we do now? Shall we continue to keep our marriage going or end the marriage and choose to live separately?” Just sit and talk; there’s no need to fight or cause trouble. If your husband insists on ending the marriage, then that’s not a big deal. Unbelievers often say, “There are plenty of fish in the sea,” “Men are like buses—there will always be another along soon,” and what is that other saying? “Don’t give up the whole forest for the sake of one single tree.” And not only is this tree ugly, but it’s also rotten inside. Are these sayings right? These are things unbelievers use to comfort themselves, but do they have anything to do with the truth? (No.) So what should the correct thinking and view be? When you encounter such an event, first of all you shouldn’t get hotheaded, and you must contain your anger and say, “Let’s calm down and talk. What do you plan to do?” He says, “I plan to keep trying with you.” And then you say, “If so, then let’s keep trying. Don’t have any more affairs, perform your responsibilities as a husband, and we can draw a line under this matter. If you can’t do that, then we’ll break up and go our separate ways. God may have ordained that our marriage should end here. If so, then I am willing to submit to His arrangement. You can follow the way that is broad, I’ll follow the path of faith in God, and we won’t affect each other. I won’t interfere with you, and you shouldn’t constrain me. My fate is not up to you and you are not my destination. God decides my fate and my destination. Which stop I reach in this life will be my last stop, and will be the arrival of my destination—I must ask God, He knows, He holds sovereignty, and I wish to submit to His orchestrations and arrangements. In any case, if you don’t want to keep this marriage going with me, then we will part in peace. Although I have no particular skill and this family depends on you financially, I can still go on living without you, and I will live well. God won’t let a sparrow starve, so how much more will He do for me, a living human being. I have hands and feet, I can look after myself. You don’t need to worry. If God has ordained that I will be lonely for the rest of my life without you by my side, then I’m willing to submit, and I’m willing to accept this fact without complaint.” Isn’t this a good thing to do? (Yes, it is.) It’s great, right? There’s no need to argue and quarrel, much less make endless trouble about it so that everyone ends up knowing about it—there’s no need for any of that. A marriage is no one’s business but yours and your husband’s. If a conflict arises in the marriage, then the two of you must resolve it and bear the consequences. As someone who believes in God, you should submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements regardless of the outcome. Of course, when it comes to marriage, no matter what cracks appear or what consequences arise, whether the marriage continues or not, whether you embark on a new life within your marriage, or whether your marriage ends right then and there, your marriage is not your destination, and neither is your spouse. He was just ordained by God to appear in your life and your existence to play a role accompanying you on your path through life. If he can accompany you all the way to the end of the road and get to the very end with you, then there’s nothing better than that, and you should thank God for His grace. If there’s a problem during the marriage, whether cracks appear or something happens that’s not to your liking, and ultimately your marriage comes to an end, that doesn’t mean you have no destination anymore, that your life is now thrown into darkness, or that there is no light, and you have no future. It could be that your marriage ending is the beginning of a more wonderful life. All of this is in God’s hands, and it is for God to orchestrate and arrange. It could be that your marriage ending gives you a deeper comprehension and appreciation of marriage, and a deeper understanding. Of course, it could be to you that your marriage ending is an important turning point in your life goals and direction and in the path you walk. What it brings you will not be gloomy memories, much less painful memories, nor will it be all negative experiences and results, but rather it will bring you positive and active experiences which you could not have had if you were still married. If your marriage carried on, you would perhaps always live this plain, mediocre, and dull life until the end of your days. If, however, your marriage ends and breaks up, then that is not necessarily a bad thing. You were previously constrained by the happiness and responsibilities of your marriage, as well as by the emotions or way of living of your concern for your spouse, your looking after him, consideration for him, caring for him, and worrying about him. Beginning from the day your marriage ends, however, all the circumstances of your life, your goals for living and your life pursuits undergo a thorough and complete change, and it must be said that this change is brought to you by your marriage ending. It could be that this result, change, and transition is what God intends you to gain from the marriage that He has ordained for you, and is what God intends you to gain by leading you to end your marriage. Although you have been hurt and have taken a tortuous path, and although you have made some unnecessary sacrifices and compromises within the framework of marriage, what you receive in the end cannot be obtained within married life. Therefore, whatever the case, it is correct to let go of the thought and view that “marriage is your destination.” Whether your marriage keeps going or is facing a crisis, or your marriage is facing a breakup or has already ended, whatever the situation, marriage itself is not your destination. This is something people should understand.

People shouldn’t harbor the thought and view that “marriage is a person’s destination.” This thought and view pose a great threat to your freedom and your right to choose your path in life. What do I mean by “threat”? Why do I use this word? I mean that, whenever you make any choice, or whenever you say anything or accept any view, if it relates to your marital happiness or the integrity of your marriage, or it relates even to the idea of your partner being your destination and your ultimate support, then you will be bound hand and foot, and will even be super cautious and careful. Imperceptibly, in this way your free will, your right to choose your path in life, as well as your right to pursue positive things and pursue the truth, will all be bound and even stripped away by this thought and view, and so the frequency with which you come before God will gradually diminish. What does it signify when the frequency with which you come before God diminishes? Your hopes for attaining salvation will gradually shrink and your life circumstances will become wretched, pitiful, dark, and sordid. Why is that? It’s because you have fixed all your hopes, expectations, and life goals and direction on the partner you entered into marriage with, and you regard them as your all. It’s precisely because you consider your partner to be your all that they strip you of all your rights, they confound and obstruct your vision, they strip you of your integrity and dignity, of your normal thinking and rationality, and they deprive you of the right to believe in God and follow the right path through life, the right to establish the correct outlook, and the right to pursue salvation. At the same time, these rights of yours are all governed and controlled by your spouse, and that’s why I say such people live pitifully, sordidly, and basely. The moment the spouse of someone like this feels a little unhappy about something or uncomfortable in some way, even saying their heart doesn’t feel right, they get so scared they can’t eat or sleep for days and they even come before God to pray in floods of tears—never have they felt so upset and anxious about anything in their life before, they’re truly worried—the moment something like this happens, it’s as though they’re about to die. Why so? They believe the sky is about to cave in, that their main support will be knocked out from under them, and that this means they’ll be finished, too. They don’t believe that a person’s life and death are in the hands of the Creator, and they’re terribly afraid that God will take their spouse from them, cause them to lose their partner, lose their support, lose their sky, and lose their soul—this is such a rebellious way to be. God gave you a marriage, and once you have your support and your partner, you forget all about God, you don’t want Him anymore. Your partner has become your God, your lord, as well as your support. This is treasonous and it is the most rebellious act one can do against God. There are even some who, when their spouse gets a little angry or gets sick, get so scared that they don’t attend gatherings for many days. They don’t tell anyone, nor do they hand their duty over to someone else to do, they just disappear as though they’ve just evaporated. Their spouse’s life and death are what they are most concerned with and what they care about most in life, and nothing could be more important than this—it is more important to them than God, God’s commission, and their duty. People like this lose the identity, worth and meaning they should have as created beings before God, and God detests them. God has given you a settled life and a partner only so that you can live better and have someone to look after you, have someone beside you, not so that you can forget God and forget His words or abandon your obligation to perform your duty and your life goal of pursuing salvation once you have a spouse, and then live for your spouse. If you really act this way, if you really do live this way, then I hope you will change course as soon as possible. No matter how important someone is to you, or how important they are to your life, your living, or your life path, they are not your destination because they are only a corrupted human being. God has arranged your current spouse for you, and you can live together with them. If God changed His mood and arranged someone else for you, you could still live just as well, and so your current spouse is not your one and only, nor are they your destination. Only God is the One to whom your destination is entrusted, and only God is the One to whom the destination of mankind is entrusted. You can still survive and live if you leave your parents, and of course you can still live just as well if you leave your partner. Your parents aren’t your destination, nor is your partner. Just because you have a partner, someone to entrust your spirit, your soul, and your flesh to, don’t forget the most important things in life. If you forget God, forget what He has entrusted you with, forget the duty a created being should perform, and forget what your identity is, then you will have lost all conscience and reason. Regardless of what your life is like now, whether you’re married or not, your identity before the Creator will never change. No one can be your destination, and you cannot entrust yourself to anyone. Only God can give you a suitable destination, only God is the One to whom the survival of mankind is entrusted, and this will always be so. Is that clear? (Yes.)

We will finish our fellowship on marriage here. If you wish to express your own ideas, views, or give voice to your feelings, please do so now. (I used to have those views and thoughts that marriage was a person’s destination. If my spouse had an affair, then I’d feel desperate and that I couldn’t carry on living. I heard from some brothers and sisters that they’d also had experiences like this, and going through something like this was very painful. But today, after listening to God’s fellowship, I can take the correct approach to this matter. First, God mentioned that in this wicked society, people can be seduced by the people, events, and things of the outside world and it is very easy for them to make mistakes, so I can now understand this kind of thing. Second, we must also take the correct approach to our spouses. Our marital partner is not our destination in life. Only God is our destination, and only by relying on God can we truly carry on living. I feel like I have a little new understanding of this now.) Excellent. All the views and attitudes concerning the truth that we fellowship on are intended to enable people to shuck off all manner of distorted, incorrect, and negative thoughts and views; then, they are fellowshipped on so that, when people encounter such a matter, they can be fortified with the correct thoughts and views, they can have the correct path of practice, so that they will not go astray, and not be misled and controlled by Satan any longer; they are fellowshipped on so that people don’t do extreme things, so that they can accept all things from God, submit to God’s arrangements in all things, and be true created beings. This is the right way to be. Okay, let’s leave our fellowship here for today. Goodbye!

February 4, 2023

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