The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (14) Part Three

VI. Engaging in Improper Relationships

The sixth issue that disrupts and disturbs God’s work and the normal order of the church is engaging in improper relationships. As long as people come into contact and can gather together, there will be communal life, and various relationships will emerge from this. So, which of these relationships are proper, and which are improper? Let’s first talk about what constitutes proper relationships, and then fellowship about the improper ones. When brothers and sisters meet and greet each other, they may say such things as, “How have you been recently? Are you in good health? Is your child starting high school next year? How is your spouse’s business doing?” Does such mutual greeting count as a proper relationship? (Yes.) Why do you say that? Because when two people who haven’t seen each other for a long time happen to come together, saying a few words of greeting is the most basic etiquette, as well as the most fundamental show of concern and greeting. These are all words, actions, and relevant topics that people bring up within the bounds of normal humanity. Judging from their conversation up till now, it’s apparent that their relationship is quite proper. Their dialogue is based both on etiquette and normal humanity, and from these two points, it can be determined that the relationship between the two people conversing is proper, representing a normal interpersonal relationship. If two people are very familiar with each other, yet when they meet, they both scowl and do not speak to each other, and when they look at each other, their eyes burn with hostility, is this relationship normal? (No, it’s not.) Why is it not normal? How exactly should it be defined? When two people meet but neither greets the other or even says “hi,” much less engages in normal conversation and dialogue, it’s obvious that their manifestations do not reflect what is expected of normal humanity. Their relationship is not a normal interpersonal relationship; it’s somewhat twisted, yet it still doesn’t constitute an improper relationship, there’s still some distance from that. In general, if the relationship between people is established on the basis of normal humanity, where individuals can interact and associate normally and according to principles, and help, support, and provide for each other, this is all indicative of proper relationships among people. It means handling matters in a business-like manner, not engaging in transactions, devoid of entangled interests, even more so devoid of hatred, and the actions are not driven by fleshly desires. All these fall within the scope of proper relationships. Is this range not quite broad? Normal interpersonal relationships involve dialogue and communication within the realm of normal humanity, interacting and associating with others, and working together based on the conscience and reason of normal humanity. At a higher level, it involves interacting and associating according to the truth principles. This is a general definition of proper interpersonal relationships between people. Greeting each other upon meeting is the most normal form of interaction. Being able to greet and converse normally without putting on airs, not assuming affection where there is none, not acting superior, speaking without oppressing others or elevating oneself, speaking and communicating normally—this is how those who possess normal humanity should speak and communicate, and it’s the basic way of interacting within normal interpersonal relationships. God’s chosen people should, at the very least, possess conscience and reason, and interact, associate, and work together with others according to the principles and standards that God requires of people. This is the best approach. This is able to satisfy God. So, what are the truth principles required by God? That people be understanding of others when they are weak and negative, being considerate of their pain and difficulties, and then inquire about these things, offer help and support, and read them God’s words to help them solve their problems, enabling them to understand God’s intentions and stop being weak, and bringing them before God. Isn’t this way of practicing in line with the principles? Practicing in this way is in line with the truth principles. Naturally, relationships of this kind are even more so in line with the truth principles. When people are deliberately causing disturbances and disruptions, or deliberately doing their duty in a perfunctory way, if you see this and are able to point these things out to them, reprimand them, and help them according to the principles, then this is in line with the truth principles. If you turn a blind eye, or condone their behavior and cover for them, and even go so far as to say nice things to praise and applaud them, these ways of interacting with people, dealing with issues, and handling problems, are clearly at odds with the truth principles, and have no basis in the words of God. So, these ways of interacting with people and dealing with issues are clearly improper, and this really is not easy to discover if they are not dissected and discerned according to God’s words. People who do not understand the truth are not likely to recognize these issues, and even if they acknowledge that these are problems, it’s not easy for them to solve them. We have often said that corrupt humankind all lives by Satan’s disposition, and these manifestations are evidence of that. Now, do you see it clearly?

Today’s main focus in our fellowship is to expose the manifestations of four types of improper relationships that cause disruptions and disturbances to church life. Who are the ones engaging in improper relationships within the church? What exactly constitutes an improper relationship? Which issues are involved in engaging in improper relationships? Because our main topic of fellowship involves various people, events, and things that disrupt and disturb God’s work and the normal order of the church, this discussion of improper relationships is limited to those that cause disruptions and disturbances to church life. We are not indiscriminately lumping all types of improper relationships together, and matters outside of church life are not our concern. You must comprehend this matter purely, without deviation. So, within the context of engaging in improper relationships, which issues, and which relationships between people are improper? Which improper relationships cause disruptions and disturbances to church life and to the majority of people? Are these issues worth fellowshipping? (Yes.) These are matters that must be clearly addressed in our fellowship.

A. Improper Relationships Between the Sexes

In church life, the most common, easily understood, and readily identified type of improper relationship is which one? (Relationships between the sexes.) This is the first aspect that comes to mind when people think of improper relationships. Some people, whenever they are in a group, always flirt with the opposite sex; they make suggestive gestures and expressions, speak in a particularly expressive manner, and like showing off. To use an inappropriate term, it’s flaunting one’s sexuality. They like to appear witty, humorous, romantic, gentlemanly, heroic, charismatic, and learned, among other qualities, in front of the opposite sex; they especially enjoy showing off. Why do they show off? It’s not for vying for status, but to attract the opposite sex. The more members of the opposite sex pay attention to them, casting admiring, revering, and adoring glances their way, the more excited and energized they become. As they spend more time participating in church life and come into contact with more people, they target a few individuals, flirting and exchanging looks with some of the opposite sex, often speaking in a provocative manner, even with a hint of sexual harassment. Is this kind of relationship between people proper? (No.) This constitutes engaging in improper relationships. Such individuals even use gathering times to show off, speaking so as to appear particularly witty and charming in front of the person they like or are interested in, making suggestive gestures and glances, wearing a triumphant and excited expression, even prancing around, all with what aim? It is to seduce the opposite sex into an improper relationship. Despite the disgust felt by many brothers and sisters toward this, and despite numerous warnings from those around them, they still don’t stop and persist in their reckless seduction. If such improper relationships involve only two people flirting with each other outside of church life and do not impact church life or the work of the church, then the matter can be set aside for the moment. However, if those who engage in improper relationships habitually engage in such behaviors within church life and cause disturbances to others, they should be warned and restricted. If they remain incorrigible despite repeated admonishments and have already seriously disturbed church life, they should be cleared out from the church through a vote by God’s chosen people. Is this approach appropriate? (Yes.) If it’s just young people dating normally, they should also be discreet during gatherings so as not to affect others. The church is a place for worshiping God, pray-reading God’s words, and living church life; personal affections should not be brought into church life to disturb others. If it causes disturbances to others, affects the mood of others during gatherings, impacts others’ reading of God’s words and their understanding and knowledge of God’s words, making more people distracted and disturbed, then such a relationship is defined as an improper relationship. Even legitimate dating, if it causes disturbance to others, will be defined as an improper relationship, let alone seducing the opposite sex outside of dating. Therefore, if someone engages in improper relationships within church life, they should not be tacitly allowed or indulged but should be met with warnings, restrictions, and even clearing out according to principles. This is work that leaders and workers should carry out. If it’s discovered that someone engages in improper relationships and has caused disturbances to most people in the church, with their presence leading others to be distracted and ensnared by lustful thoughts, even leading to the breakup of families and causing some new believers to lose interest in gatherings, reading God’s words, or even in faith itself, instead becoming more enamored with the person they adore, wishing to elope with them and live out their days together, and abandon their faith—if the severity of the situation has escalated to this degree, yet the leaders and workers do not take it seriously, thinking that it’s just human lust at play, that it’s nothing major and is something that ordinary people all do, not recognizing the seriousness of the problem or much less realizing how far the problem can develop, but rather ignoring it, being particularly numb and dull in their response to such matters, ultimately causing adverse effects to the majority in the church—then the nature of these incidents constitutes serious disruptions and disturbances. Why do I say it constitutes serious disruptions and disturbances? Because these incidents disrupt and damage the normal order of church life. Therefore, once such individuals emerge in the church, they should be restricted, however few or numerous they are, ensuring each case is addressed, and if the situation is severe, they must be isolated. If isolation does not yield results, and they continue to seduce the opposite sex, disturb church life, and damage the normal order of the church, then they should be cleared out from the church according to principles. Is this approach appropriate? (Yes.) The impact of such matters on church life and on the work of the church is extremely detrimental; they are akin to a plague, and must be eradicated.

Everyone who is inclined toward seducing the opposite sex does so wherever they go, tirelessly engaging in such behaviors. Their targets for seduction and harassment are often young and attractive individuals, but sometimes they also involve middle-aged people—anyone they find appealing, they proactively seek opportunities to seduce. If they intend to seduce others, some people can’t resist the enticement and will be taken in, which easily leads to improper relationships. Because people’s stature is too small and they lack genuine faith in God, as well as understanding of the truth, how could they overcome these temptations and resist such enticements? People’s stature is too small; they are especially weak and powerless when faced with these temptations and enticements. It is difficult for them to remain unaffected. There was a male leader who would attempt to seduce any beautiful woman he saw; sometimes, seducing just one was not enough—he might seduce three or four women, making all of them captivated by him to the extent that they would lose their appetite and couldn’t sleep, and even lose the desire to do their duties. Such was the “charm” of this man. If he had just interacted with people normally, without deliberately trying to seduce them, his influence wouldn’t have been so extensive. It was only when he intentionally put on performances and seduced others that more and more people fell for it, increasing the number of those who were seduced into having improper relationships with him. People became powerless to resist and fell into these temptations. This was the “charm” of lust; what he did created temptations, enticements, and disturbances for both parties. One man seducing several women at once—was his heart vexed or what? Which woman to attend to first, which one to satisfy first—wouldn’t he be mentally exhausted? (Yes.) If it was so exhausting, why did he continue to behave like this? This is wickedness; this was the sort of creature he was, this was his nature. Once the victims are seduced and fall into temptation, is it easy for them to escape from the temptation? Once caught in temptation, it will be difficult to escape. Eating, sleeping, walking, performing duties—no matter what they do, their minds are filled with thoughts of this person, their hearts are consumed by this person. Such disturbances are extremely severe! What follows is constant thinking about how to please this person, how to throw themselves at them, how to win them over, how to monopolize them, how to compete and fight with other rivals. Aren’t these the consequences of being disturbed? Is it easy to escape from such a state? (It’s not easy.) The consequences become severe. At this time, can one’s heart still be quiet before God? When they read God’s words, can they still absorb them? Can they still have light? During gatherings, will they still be in the mood to contemplate and fellowship the words of God, and to listen to others share God’s words? They will not; their hearts will be filled with lust, with the object of their adoration, devoid of any serious matters—even God will be gone from their hearts. What follows is pondering over how to experience love, how to be romantic, and so on, and the desire to believe in God is completely lost. Are these consequences good? Is this what people wish to see? (No.) Are the consequences of being seduced and falling into temptation something that people can prevent? Can people control these consequences? Can it be up to them to decide? Can they reach the level of being able to stop when they wish to in their hearts? No one can achieve this. This is the consequence of the disturbances caused by such improper relationships on people. When God is absent from one’s heart, and one no longer wishes to read God’s words, what are the consequences? Is there still hope for salvation? The hope for salvation becomes nil. Everything is lost; those meager doctrines previously understood, the determination and resolve to expend oneself for God, and the desire to gain God’s salvation are all cast away—these are the consequences. People distance themselves from God and reject Him in their hearts, and they are also rejected by God. This consequence is not something anyone who believes in and follows God wishes to see, nor is it a fact that any follower of God can accept. However, once people fall into such temptations and are caught in the vortex of improper relationships, they find it difficult to extricate themselves and are even more so unable to control themselves. Therefore, such improper relationships should be restricted. In severe cases, for those who consistently disturb and harass the opposite sex, they should be promptly and swiftly cleansed away from the church, so they do not disturb church life and, even more so, to prevent more people from being ensnared in temptation. Is this approach reasonable? (Yes.)

In the twelfth item of the responsibilities of leaders and workers, leaders and workers must exert their utmost effort in each task to ensure that God’s chosen people can lead a normal church life, safeguarding the brothers and sisters from any interferences or disturbances in church life. This means protecting all the brothers and sisters who can lead a normal church life. What exactly should be protected? The brothers and sisters should be protected so that they may come before God in quietude during gatherings and peacefully pray-read and share God’s words; at the same time, the brothers and sisters should be able to pray to God in unity of heart and mind, seek God’s intentions, seek enlightenment and illumination from God, gain God’s presence, and receive God’s blessings and guidance. This is the greatest and most important interest of all the brothers and sisters, and it is essential to everyone; it concerns whether they can be saved and whether they can have a good destination. Therefore, it is necessary to rigorously restrict, isolate, or clear out those who engage in improper relationships within the church; in particular, those who engage in relationships between the sexes must be strictly supervised. What does supervision mean? If it’s just a minor case, they should be exposed and pruned, and promptly stopped and restricted, and prevented from affecting others. If it’s a severe case, it is necessary to act decisively and without hesitation; they should be cleared out of the church as soon as possible to prevent them from disturbing more people. If they wish to cause disturbances, let them do so outside in the world, disturbing whoever they wish; suffice it to say that all brothers and sisters in church life pursuing the truth should not be disturbed by them. This is the primary principle and goal for the work of leaders and workers in respect of this twelfth responsibility.

B. Homosexual Relationships

Regarding the issue of improper relationships, what we mainly fellowshipped on just now was engaging in improper relationships between the sexes. Where it involves seducing, enticing, showing off, and teasing the opposite sex; actively approaching and trying to get close to them; and often intentionally or unintentionally seeking to sit near them at gatherings; but in addition, not just seducing one person, but moving on to another if the first attempt fails, so that many members of the opposite sex in the church are harassed, then this issue has become serious. This covers improper relationships between the sexes. Besides relationships with the opposite sex, there are also some improper relationships among people of the same sex. If two people of the same sex are on particularly friendly terms, have known each other for a long time and are quite close, then it is proper for them to often interact. However, once it escalates to engaging in lustful relationships of the flesh, such relationships should also be classified as improper. If, between two people of the same sex, bodily contact is frequent, even to the extent that they commonly use language of a provocative nature with each other, and the two of them may often be seen with their arms around each other or displaying more evident behaviors and manifestations, then over time, it becomes apparent to everyone: “It is not that these two are helping each other or compatible in personality; they are not interacting within the realm of normal humanity. This is homosexuality!” Now, most people understand that homosexuality is an improper relationship, even more serious in nature and improper than that between different sexes. If such relationships exist within the church, they could spread like a plague, leading some into this kind of temptation and enticement. Some people say they have engaged in homosexuality in the past but didn’t do so willingly. Putting aside whether they are truly homosexuals or what their sexual orientation is, if they can fall into such temptation under enticement—leaving aside for now whether they did so willingly or passively—then first and foremost, they were disturbed by it. Judging from their claim that they didn’t do it willingly, they were victims. Therefore, if homosexuals seduce and entice others of the same sex, those who are enticed, although not necessarily homosexuals themselves, can become homosexuals after being enticed by one. Isn’t this a dangerous situation? Why say that such people are homosexuals? Heterosexual individuals seducing many people falls under the category of promiscuity, which constitutes an improper relationship. So when two people of the same sex who have a close relationship and get along well hold hands, and embrace each other, which is all normal, how can that escalate to them being defined as homosexuals? It is the sexual relationship between them—once this level of relationship occurs, it becomes homosexual. When they place their arms over each other’s shoulders, cling to each other’s necks, or hold each other by the waist, this is not normal bodily contact between individuals of the same sex; rather, it is bodily contact driven by lust, differing in nature and thus falling into the category of improper relationships. For most people in the church, is seeing such homosexuals edifying or not? (No, it is not edifying.) Do most people feel disturbed after seeing this? If you were uninformed about the situation and they put their arm around your neck or waist, or even kissed you on the face, would you feel disturbed? (Yes.) After feeling disturbed, would your heart feel at ease, or uneasy? (I would feel disgusted.) So then, would there be a sense of having sinned? If you don’t understand exactly what the essence of this type of issue is, and you’re just touched or physically contacted by someone of the same sex without giving it much thought afterward, then there isn’t much of a problem. However, if you think about it, and keep on thinking, and then you can’t let go of this person, similar to how one might pine for the opposite sex, regardless of whether or not you resist in your subjective consciousness, then the emergence of such thoughts within you indicates that you’ve already been disturbed, doesn’t it? Therefore, the nature of homosexual relationships, this type of improper relationship, is much more serious. Some people fail to see the difference between promiscuity among heterosexuals and homosexuality, and treat these two issues as equal. In fact, the problem of homosexuality is far more serious than the issue of promiscuity among heterosexuals.

If individuals who engage in homosexual relationships appear within the church and are not restricted, they pose a threat to and cause disturbances for everyone. What kind of disturbances? From the outside, most people cannot detect any problems with their humanity when interacting with them, but prolonged interaction muddies their thoughts and darkens their hearts. They lose enthusiasm for believing in God, and without encountering any particular problems, they become unwilling to believe in God, lose interest in reading God’s words, feel increasingly distant from God in their hearts, and entertain evil thoughts of giving up their faith. Therefore, such improper homosexual relationships within the church should not only be stopped and restricted; those who engage in them should also be promptly cleansed away from the church. This is absolute. Once such individuals are discovered, regardless of the duties they do or their status, they must be promptly cleansed away from the church, with no tolerance! This is the church’s regulation. Why is this regulation in place? It is based on solid grounds. God created humans as male and female; after creating Adam, his partner was Eve, not another Adam. Taking such an action against those who engage in homosexual relationships is based on God’s words, and it is absolutely accurate. Some might say, “Why not give these people a chance to repent? They are young; shouldn’t they be allowed to commit some ridiculous acts?” No! Other ridiculous acts might be treated differently depending on the circumstances and nature, but this particular ridiculous act is absolutely not just any ridiculous act; it absolutely cannot be tolerated, and anyone committing such an act within the church must be promptly cleansed away! If an entire church were composed of homosexuals, then all would be cleansed away. Such a church is not wanted, not even one! This is the principle. Some say, “Some people are involved in a homosexual relationship with just one person, but they haven’t seduced others or started disturbing anyone else. Should such individuals be handled and cleared out?” If they truly are homosexual, letting them stay in the church is akin to placing a ticking time bomb among God’s chosen people—it’s bound to go off sooner or later. Even if they hadn’t disturbed, seduced, or harassed any same-sex individuals, that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t in the future. It might be that they haven’t yet found someone they fancy, someone they like, or the timing isn’t right, and everyone still lacks mutual familiarity and understanding. But once the timing is right and suitable for such people, they will make their move. Therefore, such individuals must absolutely never be tolerated or allowed to remain within the church, as they are unnatural and non-human. The church does not want such people. Handling those engaged in such improper relationships in this manner is not wrong or excessive. However, some say, “Some homosexuals appear to be quite good; they haven’t done anything bad, abide by laws and regulations, show respect to the elderly and love to the young, always do good deeds, some even have gifts and skills, and some are particularly charitable and helpful in the church. We should let them stay in the church.” Is this thought correct? (No.) Regardless of whether your thoughts are right or wrong, you must be able to see through the nature of homosexuals. The church’s principle of practice for individuals engaged in homosexual relationships is to clear them out. This is an administrative decree which none may violate; everyone must practice according to this principle.

The manifestations of these two types of improper relationships about which we just fellowshipped are the easiest for people to discern, see through, and classify. Regarding those engaged in such improper relationships, for one thing, leaders and workers must fulfill their responsibilities by using such measures as stopping, restricting, isolating, and clearing out to handle them. For another, brothers and sisters should also discern and stay away from those engaged in these two types of improper relationships, so as to avoid being enticed and falling into temptation, which could affect their faith in God and their pursuit of the truth to attain salvation. Once ensnared in temptation, it’s difficult to extricate oneself. Most people should be able to discern these two types of people. Do not act like how people behave in society, pretending not to see who flirts with whom, lacking a correct viewpoint or stance toward those engaging in promiscuity, able to interact normally with such individuals as long as one’s own interests are not involved, speaking as one typically would, as if nothing is amiss. Do such people have principles in how they treat others? Not at all. All nonbelievers live by philosophies for worldly dealings, striving not to offend anyone to protect themselves, but God’s house is absolutely different from nonbelieving society. In God’s house, the truth holds power. God requires people to treat others based on the truth principles. God’s chosen people are all accepting and equipping themselves with truth, and using it to discern and treat others, not only to maintain church life and protect the brothers and sisters but, more importantly, to protect themselves from the suffering of temptation and avoid being lured into temptation. The earlier you can discern and distance yourself from such individuals, the more you will be able to distance yourself from temptation and be protected. This is how you should treat individuals engaged in improper relationships; this is in accordance with the truth principles and in alignment with God’s intentions.

Would you like to learn God’s words and rely on God to receive His blessing and solve the difficulties on your way? Click the button to contact us.

Connect with us on Messenger