By Xiao Li, China

In 1998, my three sisters and I all accepted Almighty God’s last days’ work. We would often fellowship God’s words, sing hymns and praise God together, and would also encourage each other to seek the truth earnestly and seek salvation. Later we all began doing duties in the church, and whenever we ran into each other we would chat about our current situations and what we’d learned in our duties. But my youngest sister, Xiao Zhi, when not complaining about difficulties in her duty, would mostly talk about problems concerning other people. One time, Xiao Zhi said that she had encountered a lot of issues starting out as a watering team leader, but the church’s leader didn’t give her any help. She also complained that the brothers and sisters didn’t have a grasp of the principles in their duties, that the leader failed to fellowship on and resolve this issue, and that the leader wasn’t capable of doing real work. However, I was acquainted with her church’s leader and he was actually able to do real work. Seeing how my sister wasn’t trying to learn from her experience and was instead just picking at her leader’s faults, I thought that she was just short on experience and had not yet come to know herself, so I often helped her and fellowshiped God’s words with her. I told her that she should stop focusing on other people, start focusing on her own life entry and try to learn from any difficulties she encountered. As time went by we didn’t get to see each other so much, because we were both quite busy.

One day in August of 2018, I happened to see a letter that a leader had written to Sister Xiang Yuxun, asking her to provide more details for a file on an evildoer who was to be expelled. To my surprise, the evildoer was my youngest sister, Xiao Zhi. At the time, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Never in my wildest imaginings had I thought my sister would be expelled. I took a closer look at Yuxun’s write-up and saw that in Xiao Zhi’s time as a watering work supervisor, she had often used her position to scold and belittle others. When a sister brought up her inadequacies, Xiao Zhi failed to accept the criticism and even ridiculed and attacked that sister. Eventually, that sister felt so constrained and unhappy that she didn’t want to do her duty anymore. Other brothers and sisters also felt constrained by Xiao Zhi, to varying degrees, and were themselves dispirited. When I saw this information, I couldn’t believe Xiao Zhi would commit such evils and I even developed certain ideas about Yuxun, thinking: “Do you have some kind of bias against my sister? She might not have great life entry, but she’s no evildoer. Could you be overstating the case?” The more I thought about it, the more upset I became. That night I couldn’t get to sleep. I thought about how my sister had left her family and her job, and how hard it had been for her traveling all those years to spread the gospel and do her duty. I remembered how one time an evildoer reported her while she was spreading the gospel, and she was forced to hide for a night in a run-down house to avoid arrest. In her years of gospel sharing, she had been hit and had abuse yelled at her by religious people, slept out in haystacks and pig sties, and often went without meals. She might not have had much to show for her many years as a believer, but she had put in a lot of hard work. How could she now be expelled as an evildoer? However, I then reflected that the church acts in accordance with principle, and that expulsion is always based on a person’s pattern of behavior and their nature essence. The church never wrongly accuses people. Was Xiao Zhi actually an evildoer? The very thought of it grieved me. If she were really expelled, she wouldn’t be saved and all the hardship she had endured would have been in vain. I felt awful whenever I thought about this in the days that followed, as if a stone was weighing down on my chest.

Just a few days later, I received a letter from another of my sisters, Xiao Yue, saying that our youngest sister was very unwell and needed an operation. On reading the letter I thought: “If Xiao Zhi can use this bout of illness to self-reflect and repent to God, maybe she can avoid being expelled?” I immediately wrote to Xiao Zhi, using God’s words to tell her of God’s righteous disposition. I said she needed to use her illness as an opportunity for self-reflection and repentance, rather than looking for external causes. But the issue with Xiao Zhi wasn’t as simple as I thought. When I visited home two months later, Xiao Yue told me about our little sister’s behavior. Xiao Zhi’s disposition was particularly arrogant; after taking over the watering work, she had insisted that everything be done her way. When a sister she was paired with disagreed with her about work and wouldn’t go along with her views, she had become resentful and turned to attacking and excluding that sister. She had even tried to turn others against the sister, spreading bias against her amongst the others so that they were misled and judged the sister together with her. Later on, when that sister was having a bad time, Xiao Zhi not only failed to help her but also drove a wedge between her and the others, saying that the sister couldn’t perform her duty and stopping the others from helping her. This led the sister to become even more negative, until she couldn’t do her duty anymore and was dismissed. When another sister said she felt constrained by Xiao Zhi, Xiao Zhi was deeply resentful and took every opportunity to get back at that sister and attack her. She would also judge and disparage the sister in front of other brothers and sisters. When the sister became distressed and negative as a result, Xiao Zhi seized the opportunity to tell the leader and the others that the sister had lost the work of the Holy Spirit and wasn’t cut out for her duty, and said that she wanted her dismissed. Brothers and sisters were being negatively affected by Xiao Zhi’s constant attack and punishment, and the way that she excluded and disparaged them, and as a result they were failing to make headway in their work. The watering work of the church was being seriously disrupted. Her leader pointed out her issues and tried to help her several times, but as well as failing to accept his criticism she continually argued back. Right up until she was dismissed she showed no self-knowledge and remained defiant. She even picked at the flaws of the leader and criticized him behind his back. When Xiao Yue tried to point out her issues, she complained that Xiao Yue didn’t understand her and didn’t speak up for her. She even claimed: “One can’t speak honestly in the church. I was dismissed simply for speaking openly about what I thought.” I was shocked when I heard this. I didn’t realize that my youngest sister was so preoccupied with status, had such a vicious nature, and was capable of attacking and punishing those who disagreed with her. This was no ordinary corruption, it was a problem in her very nature! Later on, when I met up with her, I urgently fellowshiped with her and advised her to reflect on her wicked deeds. If she didn’t repent, I said, she would be expelled and would lose her chance at salvation. To my surprise, far from accepting my advice, she indignantly replied: “You don’t know what’s gone on and I don’t wish to say any more about it. If I say anything else you’ll all just say I’m trying to argue my way out.” I was shocked to see her so aggrieved. I had no idea she was so stubborn and didn’t accept the truth at all. Was she beyond redemption? At this, my spirits sank. I remembered how, when we got together, she’d always be criticizing other people, passing judgment and never reflecting on herself. She’d also always be picking at the leader’s faults. I thought of God’s words that say: “Those who give vent to their poisonous, malicious talk within the church, who spread rumors, foment disharmony, and form cliques among the brothers and sisters—they should have been expelled from the church. Yet because now is a different era of God’s work, these people are restricted, for they are decidedly to be eliminated. All who have been corrupted by Satan have corrupt dispositions. Some have nothing more than corrupt dispositions, while others are different: Not only do they have corrupt satanic dispositions, but their nature is also extremely malicious. Not only do their words and actions reveal their corrupt, satanic dispositions; these people are, moreover, the genuine devils and Satans. Their behavior disrupts and disturbs God’s work, it disturbs the brothers’ and sisters’ life entry, and it damages the normal life of the church. Sooner or later, these wolves in sheep’s clothing must be cleansed away; an unsparing attitude, an attitude of rejection, should be adopted toward these lackeys of Satan. Only this is standing on the side of God, and those who fail to do so are wallowing in the mire with Satan” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. A Warning to Those Who Do Not Practice the Truth). Through God’s words, I learned that my youngest sister’s behavior was not just the passing exposure of a corrupt disposition, but rather a reflection of her deeply vicious nature. She punished, harassed and retaliated against others and would exclude and attack anyone who disagreed with her or impinged on her interests. She twisted facts to judge and condemn others until they were reduced to a state of negativity. Others pruned and assisted her regarding her behavior on several occasions, but she never admitted to being at fault and always argued back. There was no remorse or self-reflection, and she even despised and attacked the leader. Xiao Yue and I fellowshiped with and assisted her several times, but she didn’t accept what we said and became resentful and resistant toward us, thinking we were giving her a hard time. After being dismissed, she failed to reflect on herself and twisted the facts, saying that you couldn’t speak honestly in the church and that she was only dismissed because she spoke her mind. Wasn’t that inverting the truth and misleading others? Wasn’t she denying God’s righteousness, and denying that the truth reigns in God’s house? In the past I’d always thought that she was short on life entry, and that her evil behaviors were simply the passing exposure of corruption, so I kept on aiding and supporting her. But now I realized that this wasn’t a matter of inadequate life entry or the passing exposure of corruption. She was averse to and hated the truth, and her essence was that of an evildoer.

In the past, I thought that since my youngest sister had made sacrifices, expended herself, suffered greatly in her duty and put in hard work, albeit without achieving anything significant, God would take note even if she didn’t pursue the truth. Later on, however, through reading God’s words, I realized that this understanding was distorted. God’s words say: “I decide the destination of each person not on the basis of age, seniority, amount of suffering, and least of all, the degree to which they invite pity, but according to whether they possess the truth. There is no other choice but this. You must realize that all those who do not follow the will of God shall also be punished. This is an immutable fact. Therefore, all those who are punished are so punished for the righteousness of God and as retribution for their numerous evil acts” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Prepare Sufficient Good Deeds for Your Destination). God’s words taught me that God doesn’t decide each person’s destination based on seniority, or on how much they’ve suffered, or sacrificed and expended, but rather on whether they’ve achieved dispositional transformation and attained the truth. All that accept the truth, practice the truth and ultimately achieve dispositional transformation can attain salvation. As for those evildoers, disbelievers and antichrists who are averse to and hate the truth, no matter how much they suffer, they will ultimately be eliminated and fail to attain salvation because they commit all manner of evil and don’t achieve the slightest transformation. I thought of how my youngest sister had followed the faith for a number of years, and yet, despite outwardly making sacrifices, expending herself and suffering for her duty, she didn’t seek the truth in any way, didn’t come to know herself and didn’t feel any remorse or repentance about bringing so much disruption to the work of the church. That it had come to this, to expulsion, was something she only had herself to blame for. It was the righteousness of God. I had always believed that her ability to make sacrifices, expend herself and suffer in her duty meant that she was a true believer, but only now I realized that she did it all for renown and status, rather than to pursue the truth and achieve dispositional transformation. No matter how long she’d kept the faith or suffered, she hadn’t accepted the truth at all, hadn’t truly repented and transformed, and would inevitably be eliminated in the end. I thought of how Paul outwardly made sacrifices, expended himself and worked hard in his duty, having traveled across half of Europe spreading the gospel, and how because he didn’t attend to dispositional transformation and didn’t seek to do his duty as a created being—expending himself instead in pursuit of a crown and the blessings of the heavenly kingdom—he remained capable of saying the following: “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: From now on there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness” (2 Timothy 4:7–8). Paul unabashedly demanded a crown from God and there was no sincerity or submission to God to be found in the sacrifices he made—it was all transactional, driven by ambition and desire. He walked the path of resistance to God, ultimately offending God’s disposition and falling into eternal punishment. I realized that nothing comes of faith if one doesn’t seek and accept the truth and focuses instead on outward sacrifice and suffering. It may even end in punishment, because one is liable to commit all kinds of evils in this way.

Later on, I found a passage of God’s words that gave me a path of practice. God’s words say: “Who is Satan, who are demons, and who are God’s enemies if not resisters who do not believe in God? Are they not those people who are rebellious against God? Are they not those who claim to have faith, yet who lack truth? Are they not those who merely seek to obtain blessings while being unable to bear witness for God? You still mingle with those demons today and treat them with conscience and love, but in this case are you not extending good intentions toward Satan? Are you not in league with demons? If people have made it to this point and are still unable to distinguish between good and evil, and continue to blindly be loving and merciful without any desire to seek God’s intentions or being able in any way to take God’s intentions as their own, then their endings will be all the more wretched. Anyone who does not believe in the God in the flesh is an enemy of God. If you can bear conscience and love toward an enemy, do you not lack a sense of justice? If you are compatible with those which I detest and with which I disagree, and still bear love or personal feelings toward them, then are you not rebellious? Are you not intentionally resisting God? Does such a person possess truth? If people bear conscience toward enemies, love for demons, and mercy for Satan, then are they not intentionally disrupting God’s work?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God and Man Will Enter Into Rest Together). I felt deeply guilty after reading God’s words. God asks that we love what He loves and hate what He hates. Those that do not accept and even despise the truth are evildoers; they are of the devil Satan’s ilk and should be the subject of our abomination. My youngest sister did all kinds of evil, failed to repent and was exposed as an evildoer, but I didn’t discern her true substance according to God’s words and continually claimed that she was being wronged because she had suffered greatly in her duty, made many sacrifices and had worked hard despite having little to show for it. Wasn’t I just playing nice with Satan and standing on its side in resistance to God? I had been a believer for many years, eaten and drunk many of God’s words, but I was unable to consider people and situations in light of His words. Instead, I let my affection dictate my words, was unable to separate good from evil and didn’t have the slightest grasp of principle. I was muddled and confused, and God despised and abhorred me. Having realized that, I was able to let go of some of my affection for my youngest sister and view her expulsion with the proper attitude.

One day, three months later, when I happened to overhear the sister I was partnered with say that all of the information needed for my youngest sister’s expulsion had been put in order, I felt a pang of sadness. “Now any hope of salvation for her is lost,” I thought. The more I thought about it, the more I pitied my youngest sister. I even held out hope that maybe the information gathered for expulsion would be insufficient and she could continue laboring in the church. But then I realized that I had the wrong attitude. I clearly knew that my youngest sister was an evildoer in essence and wouldn’t be a recipient of God’s salvation, but I still empathized with and pitied her, hoping to keep her in the church. Wasn’t I having sympathy with a devil and standing in opposition to God? So, I hurriedly prayed to God, asking Him to guide me in overcoming the constraints of my affection. After prayer, I thought of the following passages of God’s words: “Mankind all live in a state of feelings—and so God does not avoid a single one of them, and exposes the secrets hidden in the hearts of all mankind. Why is it so hard for people to separate themselves from their feelings? Does doing so surpass the standards of conscience? Can conscience fulfill God’s will? Can feelings help people through adversity? In God’s eyes, feelings are His enemy—has this not been clearly stated in God’s words?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Interpretations of the Mysteries of “God’s Words to the Entire Universe,” Chapter 28). “I do not give people the opportunity to express their feelings, for I am without fleshly feelings, and have grown to detest the feelings of people to an extreme degree. It is because of the feelings between people that I have been cast to one side, and thus I have become an ‘other’ in their eyes; it is because of the feelings between people that I have been forgotten; it is because of the feelings of man that he seizes the opportunity to pick up his ‘conscience’; it is because of the feelings of man that he is always averse to My chastisement; it is because of the feelings of man that he calls Me unfair and unjust, and says that I am heedless of man’s feelings in My handling of things. Do I also have kin upon earth?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God’s Words to the Entire Universe, Chapter 28). Through the exposition of God’s words, I learned that our affections are the biggest impediment to practicing the truth. We are incapable of considering people and situations in light of the truth principles when we live by our affections. When I learned that my youngest sister was going to be expelled from the church, I sympathized with and pitied her, even hoping that her case wouldn’t meet the criteria for expulsion and that she could remain in the church. It was all due to my excessive affection for her. Because I lived by satanic poisons like “Man is not inanimate; how can he be free from emotions?” and “Blood is thicker than water,” I became incapable of discerning good from evil and knowing what should be loved and what should be despised. When Yuxun submitted information about my youngest sister, I defended my sister against what I thought to be an injustice without first understanding the facts of the situation. I thought that Yuxun had overstated the case in her report, and I griped about her not helping my sister. In fact, the brothers and sisters had fellowshiped with her and helped her out a number of times, but she had not accepted their help and went on to criticize them behind their backs. I truly was distorting the situation and speaking on behalf of Satan. Even though my sister had committed so many evils, I didn’t hate her and even wished for her to stay on in the church; I had allowed my affection to get the better of me. Every day that an evildoer like her was allowed to remain in the church would be another day where evil was committed, bring yet more harm to the brothers and sisters and the work of the church. Wasn’t I indulging Xiao Zhi’s evildoing by wanting her to remain in the church and allowing her to continue disrupting the church’s work? I had played a part in an evildoer’s misdeeds! It was then that I finally got a sense of what was meant, in the words of God, by the statement: “Feelings are His enemy.” I realized that if I didn’t seek the truth and let my affection dictate how I acted when confronted with issues, I was liable to do evil and resist God at any time.

Later on, I saw a passage of God’s words that says: “Love what God loves, and hate what God hates: This is the principle that should be adhered to. God loves those who pursue the truth and are able to follow His will; these are also the people that we should love. Those who are not able to follow God’s will, who hate and rebel against God—these people are detested by God, and we should detest them, too. This is what God asks of man. If your parents do not believe in God, if they know full well that faith in God is the right path, and that it can lead to salvation, yet remain unreceptive, then there is no doubt that they are people who are averse to and hate the truth, and that they are people who resist and hate God—and God naturally abhors and hates them. Could you abhor such parents? They oppose and revile God—in which case they are surely demons and Satans. Could you hate and curse them? These are all real questions. If your parents prevent you from believing in God, how should you treat them? As is asked by God, you should love what God loves, and hate what God hates. During the Age of Grace, the Lord Jesus said, ‘Who is My mother? And who are My brothers?’ ‘For whoever shall follow the will of My Father which is in heaven, the same is My brother, and sister, and mother.’ These words already existed back in the Age of Grace, and now God’s words are even more clear: ‘Love what God loves, and hate what God hates.’ These words cut straight to the point, yet people are often unable to grasp their true meaning” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Recognizing One’s Own Misguided Views Can One Truly Transform). Through God’s words, I got a sense of His righteousness. God treats people according to principle and asks that we do the same. Those who seek the truth, sincerely believe in God and loyally perform their duties, are to be loved by us, just as those who consistently disrupt the church, punishing and attacking brothers and sisters while hating the truth and hating God, are to be spurned and despised by us. Even if they are our own relatives, we must view them in light of God’s words, loving what God loves and hating what God hates. But I was without truth. I viewed everything from the perspective of my affection. I lacked principle and discernment, showing love and sympathy toward an evildoing demon that had clearly been exposed. This was blind love! When I realized this, I praised God’s righteousness and saw for myself that the truth and righteousness reign in God’s house such that no evildoer can gain a footing within it. Now, with the aid of God’s words, I was able to free myself from the fetters of affection and gain some understanding of myself. Thanks be to God!