By Ma Yi, China

In October 2020, I was doing preacher duties. Not long afterward, the leaders asked me to take on a church. On the day of the first gathering I was going to attend, a sister saw me on the street and asked me to hurry away, saying that some sisters had been arrested. At the time, she didn’t specify who the people who had been arrested were. The next day, I went to a nearby church to arrange some work, and another sister was waiting for me on the street. When she saw me, she said anxiously, “Now, five leaders and two video team supervisors have been arrested, and the police have your photo. You must not go to your brothers’ and sisters’ homes, go hide quickly!” I was very nervous at that time, and when my sister urged me to go quickly, I was so anxious I didn’t know where to go right away. I then thought, “If I leave, what will happen to the work of the church? But if I don’t hide away, then as five of the brothers and sisters who have been arrested know where I live, what will happen if they can’t stand up to torture and sell me out? If the police find out I am a leader they will surely not let me go lightly. If I’m arrested, who knows how they will torture me!” I also thought of how brothers and sisters who had been arrested were subjected to various forms of torture such as being hung up with iron chains, strapped to “tiger benches,” and given electric shocks. I have always been weak and sickly ever since I was a child—how would my body be able to bear it? If I were left disabled, then I wouldn’t be able to live normally in this life. When I thought this, I felt a cold shiver in my heart, and hurriedly asked my daughter to come and pick me up.

Only after my daughter picked me up and we were driving down the highway, did my heart slowly calm down. Only then did I realize that since several leaders had been arrested, there was nobody to deal with the aftermath. Previously, the leaders had fellowshipped with me that when members of the church are arrested, the first thing to do is to protect the books of God’s words and my brothers and sisters. If I left, what would happen to the life of the church? Who would be responsible for transferring the books of the church? If no one handled these tasks, the church would suffer a great loss! When I thought this, I felt a wrenching pain in my heart, and realized that it was too selfish of me to hide at my daughter’s house. After I arrived at my daughter’s house, I wanted to go back, but my daughter wouldn’t let me. I then thought, “If I go back, I might get arrested. Besides, it was my sisters who urged me to leave to avoid being arrested by the police. If I were to go back there and get arrested, it would cause trouble for my brothers and sisters.” I felt a bit better when I thought about it in this way. However, afterward I still kept feeling accused and couldn’t eat or sleep. “I don’t know what things are like in the church. Have even more people been arrested? Is anyone dealing with the aftermath? If the books of the church have been seized by the police, I would have an undeniable responsibility for that!” When I thought this, I felt as if a knife had stabbed me through the heart, and I hated myself for being so timid. I had believed in God for so many years, and God’s house was cultivating me to be a leader, but now when this dangerous environment had come upon me, I could not protect the interests of the church. I was really indebted to God.

During my devotionals, I read the words of God: “Antichrists are extremely selfish and despicable. They do not have true faith in God, much less loyalty to God; when they encounter an issue, they only protect and safeguard themselves. For them, nothing is more important than their own safety. As long as they can live and won’t get arrested, they don’t care how much harm is done to the work of the church. These people are extremely selfish, they don’t think of the brothers and sisters at all, or of the work of the church, they only think of their own safety. They are antichrists. So when such things befall those who are loyal to God and have true faith in God, how do they handle them? How does what they do differ from what antichrists do? (When such things befall those who are loyal to God, they will think of any way to safeguard the interests of the house of God, to protect against losses to the offerings of God, and they will make the necessary arrangements for the leaders and workers, and the brothers and sisters, to minimize losses. Antichrists, meanwhile, make sure they are protected first. They are not concerned about the work of the church or the safety of God’s chosen people, and when the church is faced with arrests, it results in a loss to church work.) Antichrists abandon the work of the church and God’s offerings, and they do not arrange for people to handle the aftermath. This is the same as permitting the great red dragon to seize God’s offerings and His chosen people. Is this not a covert betrayal of God’s offerings and His chosen people? When those who are loyal to God know clearly that an environment is dangerous, they still brave the risk of doing the work of handling the aftermath, and they keep the losses to God’s house to a minimum before they themselves withdraw. They do not give priority to their own safety. Tell Me, in this wicked country of the great red dragon, who could ensure that there is no danger at all in believing in God and doing a duty? Whatever duty one takes on, it entails some risk—yet the performance of duty is commissioned by God, and while following God, one must take on the risk of doing their duty. One should exercise wisdom, and one has need of taking measures to ensure their safety, but one should not put their personal safety first. They should consider God’s intentions, putting the work of His house first and putting the spread of the gospel first. Completing God’s commission of them is what matters most, and it comes first. Antichrists give top priority to their personal safety; they believe that nothing else has anything to do with them. They do not care when something happens to someone else, regardless of who it might be. As long as nothing bad happens to the antichrists themselves, they feel at ease. They are devoid of any loyalty, which is determined by the antichrists’ nature essence. … Antichrists show no loyalty to God. When they are assigned work, they accept it quite happily, and make some nice declarations, but when danger comes, they run away the fastest; they are the first to run, the first to escape. This shows that their selfishness and despicableness are particularly severe. They have no sense of responsibility or loyalty at all. When faced with a problem, they only know how to flee and how to hide, and think only of protecting themselves, never considering their responsibilities or duties. For the sake of their own personal safety, antichrists consistently display their selfish and despicable nature. They do not prioritize the work of God’s house or their own duties. Even less do they prioritize the interests of God’s house. Instead, they prioritize their own safety” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Two)). God’s words were like a double-edged sword piercing my heart. What I had revealed was the disposition of an antichrist. When antichrists encounter a dangerous situation, the first thing they will think of doing is running away and escaping, without doing the aftermath work, and without caring in the slightest how much the work of the church is damaged due to their desire for self-preservation. So many brothers and sisters in the church had been arrested, but I didn’t think about how to do the aftermath work well by protecting the books of God’s words and arranging church life. The first thing I thought about was how I could hide and avoid being arrested. When I heard that the police had my photo, I just wanted to leave that place as soon as possible, afraid of being arrested and tortured. I just didn’t care about whether anyone was there to arrange and handle the aftermath. As a leader, even though there were risks to my safety and I couldn’t show my face, I could have handed the aftermath work to others so they could handle it, and only gone into hiding once the work had been arranged. However, in order to protect my own safety I fled to my daughter’s home like a cowardly rat, not caring about the interests of the house of God, and casting aside all my own responsibilities and duties. Where was humanity in me? I was too selfish and despicable! The more I reflected on myself, the more I hated myself. I prayed to God in tears, “Dear God! I am unworthy of eating and drinking so many of Your words. I have enjoyed too much of Your watering and provision, but everything I have done is loathsome to You. I don’t deserve Your forgiveness, but only beg You to give me a chance to make up for my transgressions and fulfill my responsibilities.”

I read more of God’s words: “Regardless of how ‘powerful’ Satan is, regardless of how audacious and ambitious it is, regardless of how great is its ability to inflict damage, regardless of how wide-ranging are the techniques with which it corrupts and lures man, regardless of how clever are the tricks and schemes with which it intimidates man, regardless of how changeable is the form in which it exists, it has never been able to create a single living thing, has never been able to set down laws or rules for the existence of all things, and has never been able to rule and control any object, whether animate or inanimate. Within the cosmos and the firmament, there is not a single person or object that was born from it, or exists because of it; there is not a single person or object that is ruled by it, or controlled by it. On the contrary, it not only has to live under the dominion of God, but, moreover, must submit to all of God’s orders and commands. Without God’s permission, it is difficult for Satan to touch even a drop of water or grain of sand upon the land; without God’s permission, Satan is not even free to move the ants about upon the land, let alone mankind, who was created by God. In the eyes of God, Satan is inferior to the lilies on the mountain, to the birds flying in the air, to the fish in the sea, and to the maggots on the earth. Its role among all things is to serve all things, to serve mankind, and to serve God’s work and His plan of management. Regardless of how malicious its nature, and how evil its essence, the only thing it can do is to dutifully abide by its function: being of service to God, and providing a foil to God. Such is the substance and position of Satan. Its essence is unconnected to life, unconnected to power, unconnected to authority; it is merely a plaything in God’s hands, just a machine in service to God!” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique I). From God’s words, I saw God’s authority and power. Satan is merely a plaything in God’s hands, a service object God uses to perfect His chosen people. Without God’s permission, Satan cannot do anything to us. I thought back to the many dangers I had experienced over the years. Twice, I escaped from under the very noses of the police. If God doesn’t permit me to be arrested, then the police will not be able to arrest me. My life comes from God and shall be orchestrated and arranged by God. When I thought this, I was no longer afraid, and was willing to face this environment and experience it. No matter what happened, I had to go back and deal with the aftermath. I found an excuse to get my daughter to take me back to the local area, and then worked out a way to find my brothers and sisters. When I saw that they had already started handling the aftermath, I cooperated with them.

Not long after, the upper leaders found me and asked me to take responsibility for the work of several more churches. I started to worry again, “This duty is too dangerous. If I am arrested, it will be different from when ordinary brothers and sisters are arrested. When leaders are arrested, they are tortured more brutally. How will my body be able to withstand it? There are already risks to my safety. If I’m arrested this time, I don’t know how the police will torture me to the brink of death.” The more I thought, the more scared I became. However, duty had called, and I could not refuse, so I accepted this duty. Soon, a sister who was preaching the gospel was being watched by the police. All the brothers and sisters she had been in contact with faced risks to their safety. I thought to myself, “I’ve been to a gathering group that she attended recently, so I must have been targeted as well.” At this time, I heard that a sister who had just started believing had been arrested, and the leaders of the church were also being watched and followed. I was very anxious when I heard this news. “So many brothers and sisters have been arrested, and the leaders are being followed. If I don’t hurry up and transfer the books of God’s words out of here, then the loss will be even greater! But if I go and transfer them, I might be arrested. I’m so weak and sickly, and if I can’t stand up to torture and turn Judas, how will I be saved?” I started to think about who the most appropriate person to transfer the books was. I thought about it over and over again, but nobody else knew about the house where the books were stored. In my heart, I understood clearly that I was the only suitable person, but as I was a bit timid and afraid, I came before God to pray, “Dear God, my heart is terrified. May You give me faith to put my life on the line to fulfill my responsibilities.” After praying, I thought of a passage of God’s words and looked it up to read. Almighty God says: “Some churches are in hostile environments in which people are often arrested, and because of this, it’s very easy for the houses where offerings are safeguarded to be sold out, and to be raided and searched by the great red dragon—the offerings may be plundered by demons at any time. Are such places appropriate for storing offerings? (No.) So, if they’ve already been put there, what’s to be done? Move them right away. … When a situation has just arisen and they foresee that the offerings are in danger, they should move them promptly, to keep them from being taken possession of and devoured by the great red dragon demon. This is the only way to ensure the safety of the offerings, and to avoid any pitfalls or slip-ups occurring. This is work leaders and workers should do. As soon as there’s the slightest sign of danger, as soon as someone is arrested, as soon as a situation arises, leaders’ and workers’ first thought should be whether the offerings are safe, whether they might fall into the hands of evil people, or be taken into their possession, or be snatched away by demons, and whether the offerings have suffered any losses. They should promptly take measures to protect the offerings. This is the responsibility of leaders and workers. Some leaders and workers may say, ‘Doing these things requires us to take risks. Can we not do them? Isn’t it the case that people are our first priority, which means that there’s no need to put the offerings first and people should be put first?’ What do you think of their question? Do these people have humanity? (No.) Safeguarding offerings well, managing them well, and watching over them well—these are responsibilities that a good steward should fulfill. In more serious terms, even if you have to sacrifice your life, it’s worth it and it’s what you ought to do. It’s your responsibility. People are always shouting, ‘To die for God is a worthy death.’ Are people truly willing to die for God? You’re not being asked now to die for God; you’re just being required to take on a bit of risk to securely safeguard the offerings. Are you willing to do that? You should happily say, ‘I am!’ Why? Because this is God’s commission and requirement of man, it’s your unshirkable responsibility, and you shouldn’t try to get out of it. Given that you claim you’d die for God, why then can’t you pay a bit of a price, and take on a bit of risk to safeguard the offerings? Isn’t it what you ought to do? If you don’t do anything real, but you’re always shouting about dying for God, aren’t these words hollow? Leaders and workers should have a pure understanding of the work of safeguarding offerings, and they should shoulder this responsibility. They shouldn’t evade it or avoid it, and they should not shrink from their responsibility. Since you’re a leader or worker, this work is an onus that’s incumbent upon you. It’s important work—are you willing to do it, even if you’re taking on some risk, even if your life is at stake? Should you do it? (Yes.) You should be willing to do it; you must not disown this responsibility. This is God’s requirement of man and the commission He gives man” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (12)). After reading the words of God, my heart was brightened, and I had a path of practice. When leaders and workers are faced with dangerous environments, the first thing they must do is protect the offerings and the books of God’s words so that they are not taken away by the police. This is the responsibility of the leaders and workers, and if they can’t do it, it is a dereliction of duty. God was using this kind of environment to reveal whether I had loyalty or not. No matter how adverse the environment, I had to transfer the books of God’s words even if it cost me my life. I had determination and was no longer afraid, and I went to discuss how to transfer the books with my brothers and sisters. With God’s leadership and protection, the books were transferred out safely. After experiencing this environment, my faith also redoubled.

Later, I pondered, why did I think about my own safety first every time an environment came upon me? What nature was governing this? I read the words of God: “How do you understand man’s nature? The most important thing is to discern it from the perspective of man’s worldview, life view, and values. Those who are of the devil all live for themselves. Their life view and maxims mainly come from Satan’s sayings, such as ‘Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost,’ ‘Man dies for wealth as birds do for food,’ and other such fallacies. All these words spoken by those devil kings, great ones, and philosophers have become man’s very life. In particular, most of the words of Confucius, who is touted by Chinese people as a ‘sage,’ have become man’s life. There are also the famous proverbs of Buddhism and Taoism, and the oft-quoted classic sayings of various famous figures. These are all summations of Satan’s philosophies and Satan’s nature. They are also the best illustrations and explanations of Satan’s nature. … Satan corrupts people through the education and influence of national governments and of the famous and the great. Their devilish words have become man’s life and nature. Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost’ is a well-known satanic saying that has been instilled into everyone, and this has become man’s life. There are other words of philosophies for worldly dealings that are also like this. Satan uses each nation’s traditional culture to educate, mislead, and corrupt people, causing mankind to fall into and be engulfed by a boundless abyss of destruction, and in the end, people are destroyed by God because they serve Satan and resist God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. How to Know Man’s Nature). God’s words revealed the essence and root cause of the problem. When I found out the leaders had been arrested, the first thing I thought of doing was not protecting the books of God’s words, but protecting myself. Satanic poisons such as “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost,” and “A bad life is better than a good death” had become my rules of survival long ago, and I put my own safety above all else. When a dangerous environment came upon me, all I thought about was escaping to preserve my own life; I cast aside all my duties and my responsibilities, like a turtle retreating into its shell, cravenly fearful of death. I was too selfish and despicable, and lacking in humanity! I prayed to God in repentance, that I may stop living by satanic philosophies and fulfill my responsibilities. I thought of the words of the Lord Jesus: “For whoever will save his life shall lose it: but whoever will lose his life for My sake, the same shall save it” (Luke 9:24). Saints throughout the ages have been martyred for the Lord in order to spread the gospel of the Lord Jesus throughout the world. Some were stoned to death, some were torn apart by five horses, some were boiled in oil, and Peter was crucified upside down for God. They all died for righteousness. Although from a human perspective, they lost their lives, in God’s eyes they didn’t consider or plan for their own interests, and instead placed their lives aside to bear powerful and resounding testimonies for God. This is approved of by God. Those who betrayed God turned Judas to save their lives, and though they still lived in the eyes of men, they were dead in God’s eyes, and they were all ultimately punished. Only then did I understand the implications of the quotation: “For whoever will save his life shall lose it: but whoever will lose his life for My sake, the same shall save it” (Luke 9:24). If I cast my duty aside again to preserve my own life, then I truly would lose the chance to be saved by God. I had to follow the example of the saints from past ages, and put my life on the line to fulfill my duty.

A few days later, I thought about the sister who had just started to believe in God but had been arrested and the leaders who were being watched and followed. I felt like there was something wrong here. Had someone betrayed them? We discussed who was most suited to find out. I thought to myself, “I know this church the best, so I am most suited,” and I calmly said that I would go and find out. As I was walking down the street, I started to ponder, “Most of the brothers and sisters in this church face risks to their safety. Who is best for me to talk to first? There are cameras everywhere on the streets, and I might be arrested at any time.” I realized that I was thinking about my own safety again, and hurriedly prayed to God. No matter what, I had to understand the situation clearly and eliminate any source of future trouble to protect the interests of the church. I first talked to a leader in the church to understand the details of how the sister was arrested, and also talked to other brothers and sisters about the situation. In the end, I found out that someone in the church was a spy for the CCP. He often inquired about the personal information of brothers and sisters, and also secretly took photos of them to report to the CCP police. In the end, we cleared this spy out of the church, and made adjustments to the gathering groups that faced risks to their safety. A few days later, the brothers and sisters resumed their church life. I felt very happy and at ease, and I thanked God for His leadership!

Through this experience, thanks to the judgment and exposure of God’s words, I gained some understanding of my own selfish and despicable nature essence. I also realized that my current stature is extremely small, but I am willing to pursue the truth and do my duty well to satisfy God.