By Lorraine, South Korea

When I was first put in charge of the gospel work in the church, I wasn’t getting great results, and this made me feel incredibly anxious. Around that time, Annie was transferred over to our church. I heard that she’d been a believer for over 20 years, that she had forsaken everything to work and expend herself, preached in many different places, and experienced great danger and adversity without ever giving up. Because of this, I held her in high esteem, and when my leader arranged for Annie to partner up with me on the gospel work, I was thrilled. During her first gathering with us, Annie talked about the encounters she’d had with disruptive religious leaders while sharing the gospel, and how she’d fellowshiped and debated with them, leaving them speechless. She spoke about how she’d fellowshiped on the truth to potential gospel recipients who had strong religious notions and extensive biblical knowledge, and ultimately resolved their confusions. She discussed the many difficulties she’d faced while spreading the gospel, and how she and the other brothers and sisters had paid a price to spread the gospel to different places. She also spoke about how the upper leaders had valued and cultivated her and given her some important duties. What impressed me most was when she fellowshiped about God’s love for mankind, her eyes welling up with tears. She said that we must be considerate of God’s intentions, and that no matter how many hardships we face, it is our mission to spread His gospel of the last days. At the time, it seemed to me that Annie was full of love for God, and I immediately developed respect for her. I thought, “Annie has believed in God for a long time, she understands more truths than we do, and she is of greater stature than us. I should learn from her.” Later, while we were performing our duties together, I noticed that Annie was really able to withstand hardship, often staying up late to follow up on work and solve problems. She also pointed out deviations and oversights in my work, and fellowshiped with me about paths of practice. When sharing the gospel with potential recipients, she gave examples, used metaphors, spoke very incisively, and was able to resolve the confusions they had. When she talked about how she’d failed to do her duty well during gatherings, she would often begin to cry, saying how much she owed God. Sometimes, the watering staff would come to her with a problem that needed resolving, and she’d immediately find time to help them out. She was also really caring if she noticed that I wasn’t feeling well physically. All of this just made me like her even more. Later on, when she was elected as a church leader, I felt even more certain that she understood the truth and possessed reality. I looked up to her even more and held her in even higher esteem. I saw how busy she was, rushing around to help the brothers and sisters resolve their problems, and this made me feel that she had a really important role in the church, and that we definitely couldn’t do without her. When I ran into problems or difficulties, I’d seek her out for fellowship. I’d eagerly make notes on her views and ideas, and implement her suggestions. I even imitated some of her behaviors. For example, when I saw her working late into the night, I took it as a sign that she was faithful and able to bear hardship in her duty, and I would stay up late too. Even when I had nothing urgent to do and could have gone to bed earlier, if I saw that Annie still hadn’t turned in for the night, I would want to stay up as well. When I saw that she stayed strong and continued to busy herself with her duty after being pruned, I thought that this meant that she had stature and reality. So after I was pruned, even though I actually felt really upset and wanted to take some time to reflect, when I thought about Annie’s behavior, I’d rush back to my duty without focusing on reflecting and gaining knowledge of myself. I was completely unaware that I was living in a state of esteeming and worshiping a person. I stayed this way until some things happened that gradually gave me some discernment of Annie.

Annie took a hands-on approach to everything as a church leader, and was really able to suffer and pay a price, but problems still kept popping up one after another, and the effectiveness of the church’s work slowly declined. One day, the watering deacon, Sister Laila, told me that she’d found some deviations in Annie’s work. She said that Annie was taking charge of everything and not allowing the brothers and sisters to practice, and that she wasn’t focused on cultivating others. Laila said that Annie was doing all the work of the deacons and the team leaders, which meant that nobody else could practice, and that over time, everyone had begun to feel useless and worthless, but really looked up to Annie. This was not an atmosphere conducive to doing one’s duty. Laila said that she wanted to give Annie some advice, and tell her to provide the others with more chances to practice, so that they could learn about their deficiencies and shortcomings and make faster progress. That way everyone would be able to make use of their talents, and they would surely become more and more effective in their duties. I was really supportive of Laila’s idea, so I went with her to talk to Annie. I was surprised to find that Annie was really unhappy with our advice, and just frowned and disagreed with us. She said that the brothers and sisters had too many shortcomings, that teaching them would be a lot of trouble and would just delay things. She said that it was more effective and efficient for her to just do things herself. Hearing her assert this so eloquently, I felt a little confused. But when I thought about it later, I realized that it was inappropriate for Annie to work in that way. The others wouldn’t get any training, and if everything was left up to her, the work still wouldn’t be done well. But then I thought about how we didn’t understand the truth, so we’d just be useless and hold things up if we tried to work with her to solve problems. Since Annie understood the truth better, I thought that we should just let her take care of things. As a result, even though Annie was really busy every day, a lot of problems still remained. The brothers and sisters were very passive in their duties and would wait for her to fix problems. Most people were living in a repressed and despondent state. Later, an upper leader found out that there were many problems in our church, so she collected assessments of Annie from the brothers and sisters, and learned about how arrogant, conceited, controlling, and dismissive of suggestions Annie was, and how she would always exalt herself, show off, and bring everyone before her. Upon discovering this, the leader promptly dismissed her. She also pointed out that we lacked discernment, and had been blindly looking up to and worshiping Annie. She fellowshiped on how we should seek the truth principles in our duties, and not look up to or obey other people. Hearing this, I realized that I’d been living in a protracted state of worshiping a person, and that my relationship with God hadn’t been normal for a long time. I thought of how “The Ten Administrative Decrees That Must Be Obeyed by God’s Chosen People in the Age of Kingdom” said: “People who believe in God should submit to God and worship Him. Do not exalt or look up to any person; do not put God first, the people you look up to second, and yourself third. No person should hold a place in your heart, and you should not consider people—particularly those you venerate—to be on a par with God or to be His equal. This is intolerable to God” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God). I felt a little afraid. I thought about how I had held Annie in high esteem ever since meeting her, and how I hadn’t been focusing on seeking the truth principles in my duty, and just relying on her instead. I would seek her out whenever I had a problem and do whatever she said. I had really looked up to her and I hadn’t kept a place in my heart for God. It had seemed to me that our work couldn’t get done without her in the church, as if we could get along fine without God’s guidance or the truth principles. Was I even a believer? Was I not just worshiping and following another person? Such behavior is truly disgusting to God! It was no wonder that I couldn’t obtain the Holy Spirit’s work in my duty, and hadn’t seen any progress after practicing for such a long time. I prayed to God, wanting to change my state and stop looking up to other people.

After that, some things happened that showed me the real Annie. After she was dismissed, despite knowing full well that many brothers and sisters venerated her, she still wouldn’t dissect or try to know herself during gatherings. Instead, she acted like she had been wronged, saying that she venerated her partner, Sister Vera, and that when she performed her duty, she just did everything that Vera told her to. I was shocked to see her passing the blame onto Vera, and thought, “The leader clearly exposed and dissected Annie’s problems, so why does she have no self-understanding and take no responsibility? That is not a manifestation of accepting the truth!” Later, the leader re-assigned Annie to do gospel work with me, and even though I didn’t hold her in such high esteem as before, I was still really happy. There’s a saying that goes, “Even a scrawny camel is larger than a horse,” and I felt like Annie was still much better than me, despite all of her problems. Yet, while working with her, I found that she wasn’t as easygoing or approachable as before and had instead become very intense. When we were discussing work, she wouldn’t listen to any of my views and often just rejected them outright. Many times, she avoided talking to me, and instead went to discuss things with the sister she had been partnered with before. This made me feel constrained and rejected. At the time, we weren’t achieving any results in our duty, so I went to fellowship with her about the problems I’d discovered during our time working together. I was shocked to find that she wouldn’t accept any of them, and that she felt that she didn’t have any problems. She was blunt in her response to me, saying, “I’ll be frank with you, so don’t get upset. I’m not used to working with you. I don’t like the way you work, and it’s making me anxious.” Hearing this made me feel even more negative, and I felt like I was holding her back.

Later on, the leader heard about our problems and pruned Annie for being arrogant, self-righteous, and not accepting the truth. During a gathering, Annie said to everyone that her being pruned was God’s love. She cried, acknowledging that she had let God down by not doing her duty well. She seemed so sincere, like she really knew herself. And yet, in our private interactions, she just spread negativity, saying that she was done, and she simply had no desire to do her duty. I tried fellowshiping with her, but she wouldn’t listen. When the leader talked about the progress a certain brother or sister was making, and how well they were doing in their duty, Annie would become even more negative, thinking that the leader valued others more than her. She was always asking me if the others laughed at her behind her back. She was clearly feeling negative and falling apart physically and mentally, but she acted so great and strong at gatherings, and would put on an act of accepting the truth and considering God’s intentions. Just looking at her made me feel exhausted. Sometimes I’d ask myself, “Is this really the person I used to esteem and venerate so much? She doesn’t seem like someone who possesses the truth reality!” I realized that she was so focused on prestige and status, and that she didn’t accept the truth at all. When things befell her, she didn’t try to know herself, and often just put on an act. She was not a right person. Later on, her state kept deteriorating. The leader fellowshiped with her quite a few times, and while she appeared to accept it, she didn’t actually change at all. She even hated the brothers and sisters and looked at them with venom in her eyes. When the leader pruned and exposed her problems, she hated and blamed God. She couldn’t stop herself from pushing responsibility for everything bad that happened onto God’s shoulders. I saw that she had a vicious nature, and that she hated God and the truth. She was a demon, an antichrist. Later on, she was no longer allowed to live a church life or perform a duty.

I wasn’t able to feel calm for quite a while after Annie left. I wondered why I had worshiped and esteemed her so much, to the point of even wanting to be like her. I thought about how I had always admired people who were eloquent, who were able to withstand great suffering and forsake everything to expend themselves for God, and people who had been arrested and tortured without betraying God. Why did I worship and esteem these people so much? What idea was I being ruled by? Then, one day, I saw two passages of God’s words that said: “Some people are able to bear hardships, can pay the price, are outwardly very well-behaved, are quite well-respected, and enjoy the admiration of others. Would you say that this kind of outward behavior can be regarded as putting the truth into practice? Could one determine that such people are satisfying God’s intentions? Why is it that time and time again people see such individuals and think that they are satisfying God, walking the path of putting the truth into practice, and following God’s way? Why do some people think this way? There is only one explanation for it. What explanation is that? It is that for a great many people, certain questions—such as what it means to put the truth into practice, what it means to satisfy God, and what it means to genuinely possess the truth reality—are not very clear. Thus, there are some people who are often misled by those who outwardly seem spiritual, noble, lofty, and great. As for people who can speak eloquently of words and doctrines, and whose speech and actions seem worthy of admiration, those who are deceived by them have never looked at the essence of their actions, the principles behind their deeds, or what their goals are. Moreover, they have never looked at whether these people truly submit to God, nor have they ever determined whether or not these people genuinely fear God and shun evil. They have never discerned the humanity essence of these people. Rather, beginning with the first step of getting acquainted with them, they have, little by little, come to admire and venerate these people, and in the end, these people become their idols. Furthermore, in some people’s minds, the idols whom they worship—and who they believe can abandon their families and jobs, and who seem superficially able to pay the price—are the ones who are truly satisfying God and who can really attain good outcomes and good destinations. In their minds, these idols are the ones whom God praises” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. How to Know God’s Disposition and the Results His Work Shall Achieve). “There is only one root cause which makes people have such ignorant actions and viewpoints, or one-sided opinions and practices—and today I will tell you about it: The reason is that, although people may follow God, pray to Him every day, and read His utterances every day, they do not actually understand His intentions. Herein lies the root of the problem. If someone understood God’s heart and knew what He likes, what He loathes, what He wants, what He rejects, what kind of person He loves, what kind of person He dislikes, what kind of standard He uses when making demands of people, and what kind of approach He takes for perfecting them, then could that person still have their own personal opinions? Could people like this simply go and worship someone else? Could an ordinary human become their idol? People who understand God’s intentions possess a slightly more rational viewpoint than that. They are not going to arbitrarily idolize a corrupted person, nor will they, while walking the path of putting the truth into practice, believe that blindly adhering to a few simple rules or principles is tantamount to putting the truth into practice” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. How to Know God’s Disposition and the Results His Work Shall Achieve). God’s words hit the nail on the head for my state. I realized that I’d had the wrong perspective in my faith over all those years, thinking that if someone had believed in God for a long time, if they enthusiastically expended themself, suffered and paid a price, and did a lot of work, this meant that they practiced the truth and had the truth reality, and that they were the kind of people that brought God joy and had a place in the church. So, when I saw that Annie had been a believer for many years, that she had made many sacrifices and suffered a lot to spread the gospel, and that she was clear and logical in her preaching and fellowship, I was misled by her grand image and good behavior, and began to hold her in high esteem and worship her. It was only after reading those passages of God’s word that I saw how foolish and unaware I was, and what an absurd idea I’d been clinging to. When a person makes sacrifices and expends themselves, when they suffer and pay a price in their duty, those are just superficial good behaviors. It doesn’t mean that they have good humanity or that they love the truth, and it certainly doesn’t mean that they have the truth reality. Though Annie was a talented speaker and had been constantly forsaking and expending herself in the 20 years that she’d been a believer, she treated these things as personal capital, and always used it to show off, flaunt herself, and bring people before her. She wasn’t able to accept or practice the truth at all. No matter how many times she was pruned, or how many failures or missteps she made, she never reflected to know herself, and she definitely didn’t truly repent. When she was valued by others and possessed high status, she had lots of energy for her duty, and could stay up late and pour everything into it. But after she was dismissed, she lost all desire to do her duty, and was resistant and resentful. In private, she spread negativity, but on the surface, she said that she owed God and seemed really repentant. This made other people feel that she was considerate of God’s intentions, that she had stature and possessed reality, so they all esteemed and worshiped her. After she was pruned, she told everyone that it was God’s love, but secretly she blamed and hated God. Was she not an antichrist who despised the truth and God? I finally understood that just because someone has believed in God for a long time, and is able to make sacrifices and speak eloquently, has experience, and is valued by others, that doesn’t mean that they have the truth reality, and it certainly doesn’t mean that they bring God joy. No matter how long someone has believed or how hard they’ve worked, if they don’t practice the truth at all and haven’t changed their satanic disposition, they are still a person who resists God in their essence, and they will ultimately be exposed and eliminated. This fulfills the words of the Lord Jesus: “Many will say to Me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, and in Your name have cast out devils, and in Your name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess to them, I never knew you: depart from Me, you that work iniquity” (Matthew 7:22–23). Later, I thought of God’s words: “I do not care how meritorious your hard work is, how impressive your qualifications, how closely you follow Me, how renowned you are, or how much you have improved your attitude; as long as you have not met My demands, you will never be able to win My praise. Write off all those ideas and calculations of yours as soon as possible, and start treating My requirements seriously; otherwise, I will turn everyone to ash in order to bring an end to My work and, at worst turn My years of work and suffering into nothing, for I cannot bring My enemies and those people who reek of evil and have Satan’s appearance into My kingdom or take them into the next age” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Transgressions Will Lead Man to Hell). “I decide the destination of each person not on the basis of age, seniority, amount of suffering, and least of all, the degree to which they invite pity, but according to whether they possess the truth. There is no other choice but this. You must realize that all those who do not follow the will of God shall also be punished. This is an immutable fact” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Prepare Sufficient Good Deeds for Your Destination). God’s words really touched my heart. God doesn’t determine someone’s outcome or destination according to how much they’ve toiled and contributed, how well they’ve behaved, or how much work they’ve done, He bases it on whether or not they have the truth. God doesn’t judge people by what’s on the surface, He judges them by their essence. He looks at whether they love the truth and can put it into practice, whether they submit to Him and follow His will. I realized that God really does have a righteous, holy disposition. There are standards by which He judges people, and principles to how He treats people, without the slightest interference of fleshly feelings. God won’t determine that someone is righteous or good just because they show a bit of enthusiasm, or if they contribute or suffer a little. On the contrary, regardless of how long someone has believed in God, how much work they’ve done, or how good their reputation is, they’ll eventually be eliminated by God if they don’t practice the truth and change their disposition. After I understood this, I felt even more ignorant and pathetic. In all my years of faith, I hadn’t pursued the truth or understood God’s intentions. I had just based my belief on my own notions and imaginings, and constantly worshiped other people. I was so blind and ignorant! I thought of God’s word: “In all of humanity, there is no one who can serve as a model for others, because all men are basically alike and are no different from each other, with little to distinguish them one from another. For this reason, even today men are still unable to know My works fully. Only when My chastisement descends on all mankind will they, unbeknownst to themselves, become aware of My works, and without My doing anything or compelling anyone, man will come to know Me, and thereby witness My works. This is My plan, it is the aspect of My works that is made manifest, and it is what man should know” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God’s Words to the Entire Universe, Chapter 26). God’s word is perfectly clear. People are corrupted by Satan and have Satan’s essence. We reveal nothing but satanic dispositions. Not a single one of us is worthy of worship. If I had understood that before, I would never have worshiped or idolized a person.

Soon after that, I was dismissed for not having achieved anything in my duty for a long time. At the time, I did a lot of thinking and reflected on why I had failed. I thought back on how I’d been stuck in a state of worshiping and looking up to Annie, and how I had believed that she understood the truth and possessed reality just because she’d been a believer for a long time, preached the gospel for years, suffered greatly, and had a lot of work experience. I had often imitated her behavior and gone to her with my problems. I would accept whatever views she expressed immediately, without giving them any thought, and just do whatever she said. I hadn’t kept a place in my heart for God at all. I hadn’t sought the truth when I encountered problems, and there hadn’t been any principles to my actions. I had just been listening to a person—to Annie. How was that believing in God? Hadn’t I just been following a person? It’s just like God says: “What you admire is not the humility of Christ, but those false shepherds of prominent standing. You do not adore the loveliness or wisdom of Christ, but those libertines who wallow in the filth of the world. You laugh at the pain of Christ who has no place to lay His head, but you admire those corpses that hunt for offerings and live in debauchery. You are not willing to suffer alongside Christ, but you gladly throw yourself into the arms of those reckless antichrists, though they only supply you with flesh, words, and control. Even now, your heart still turns toward them, toward their reputation, toward their status, toward their influence. And yet you continue to hold an attitude whereby you find the work of Christ hard to swallow and you are unwilling to accept it. This is why I say that you lack the faith to acknowledge Christ. The reason you have followed Him to this day is only because you had no other option. A series of lofty images are forever towering in your heart; you cannot forget their every word and deed, nor their influential words and hands. They are, in your heart, forever supreme and forever heroes. But this is not so for the Christ of today. He is forever insignificant in your heart, and forever undeserving of fear. For He is far too ordinary, has far too little influence, and is far from lofty” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Are You a True Believer in God?). God’s words revealed my true state. When I thought back on my years of faith, I saw that the people I’d admired all possessed caliber and gifts, and were supported and valued by others, and that I’d looked upon every one of their words and deeds as something to emulate. I had never asked myself what God’s intention was, whether my actions were what God wanted, or if they were in line with the truth principles. I had just blindly worshiped and followed other people, and even hoped to become just like them. I had been on the wrong path the whole time, pursuing more suffering and work, and relying on caliber and experience while performing my duty. I hadn’t focused on seeking the truth principles and I had placed even less emphasis on my own life entry. As a result, I hadn’t understood much of the truth over my years of faith, and my life had suffered. I realized how incredibly ignorant and pathetic I was. God has given us so many words, and I had hardly memorized any of them, but I could remember very clearly everything that Annie said, and all of the views that she expressed, and I would always hurry to carry them out. I had always relied on her in my duty, and I hadn’t kept a place in my heart for God at all. This situation with Annie had thoroughly exposed me. Especially after her dismissal, when a lot of her problems had already been revealed and we began working together again, I still had this grand image of her in my mind. I continued to rely on her in my duty and kept thinking of that idiom, “Even a scrawny camel is larger than a horse,” believing that Annie was still better than me even if she had some problems. This was a purely satanic view. I had worshiped her too much, I hadn’t sought the truth principles of in our interactions and I had completely lacked discernment. I had been constantly viewing things according to the devilish words of Satan. And later on, after more and more of Annie’s problems had come to light, I still didn’t discern or expose her. I just kept following her, being constrained by her, and living in a state of negativity and misery. I truly deserved everything that I got! I had been looking up to Annie and relying on her in my duty, but what had she ever given me? Misleading, constraint, and rejection. She had also made me feel miserable and repressed, without any hope of release, and I had grown further and further away from God. Though I believed in God, I hadn’t depended on or looked up to Him, and I hadn’t pursued the truth at all. I had just worshiped and followed people. I was an idiot without any discernment. To have failed and fallen like that was truly God’s righteousness and salvation. Through this revelation I was able to take a hard look at the wrong path that I was on, examine the absurd views that I harbored, and seek the truth to resolve my problems. At the same time, I also felt the importance of pursuing the truth. God said that “Those who do not pursue the truth cannot follow until the very end” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. You Should Maintain Your Devotion to God), and this is so real. Those who don’t pursue the truth are doomed to be exposed and eliminated by God. The failures of the person I had looked up to—and my own failures too—were the best proof of this.

A couple of months later, I was paired with Sarah for gospel work. I heard that after coming to believe in God, she’d given up a great job in order to do her duty, and that she was really able to endure hardship, possessed great caliber, and had experience spreading the gospel. I’d known her for a while and seen that she cared a lot about the church’s work. She actively fellowshiped in gatherings, and no matter what the circumstances were or how many people were there, she never felt constrained, and she spoke with great poise and without fear. She would fellowship and help the brothers and sisters when they ran into problems, and everyone really approved of her. I felt like she was someone who pursued the truth, and held her in high esteem. And while I was happy to have the chance to work with her, I also remembered my previous failure, and how valuing others’ caliber and gifts had led me to worship and follow them. I had taken the wrong path because of this and it had been harmful to my life. I knew that I couldn’t view things through that kind of fallacious perspective when it came to my interactions with Sarah, and that I had to approach her in accordance with the truth principles. Sarah had good caliber and experience sharing the gospel, so I had a lot to learn from her to make up for what I lacked. But she was a corrupt person, too, with corrupt dispositions, deficiencies, and shortcomings. I couldn’t worship and rely on her. If she had problems or deviations in her duty, I couldn’t just blindly follow her. I had to exercise discernment and treat her according to the truth principles. Later on, in our work discussions, I noticed that most of Sarah’s suggestions weren’t very practical. A couple of other sisters and I felt that they wouldn’t work, but Sarah really insisted on them. Whenever she couldn’t get an idea approved, we’d get stuck on it, and remain at an impasse for a long time, which really delayed the progress of our work. Gradually, I saw that Sarah was arrogant, self-righteous, and stubborn, and that she’d get upset when her suggestions weren’t adopted. She’d lose her temper, and this was constraining for other people. She wasn’t playing a positive role in our group, and she disrupted and obstructed the work’s progress, so I reported all of her behavior to the leader. After understanding the situation, the leader exposed and dissected Sarah’s issues and tried to help her, but she refused to accept it, so the leader dismissed her. After experiencing that, I felt really at peace. I felt like I’d finally turned my fallacious ideas around and that I no longer worshiped and followed people like I had before. I was really grateful to God for setting up those situations to help me gain discernment and learn those lessons.