By Sylvie, Italy

My dad was famous in our area for being a very filial son. Growing up, I often heard him say at the dinner table: “Filial piety is a virtue to be held above all else. In your self-conduct, you must first be filial to your parents; this is fundamental. Look, even a newborn lamb knows to kneel to nurse, so anyone who isn’t filial to their parents is worse than an animal! When your grandma was sick, I’d stay up all night with her, night after night. In fact, to take care of your grandparents, I didn’t even consider getting married until after they had both passed away.” That planted the seed of filial piety in my young heart, and I decided that when I grew up, I had to be good to my parents, or else I’d lack conscience. When I was seventeen, my dad was arrested by the CCP and sentenced to two years of re-education through labor for his belief in Almighty God. I was working away from home then. Every so often, I’d visit my dad at the labor camp and bring him food, and send what was left of my wages home to help out. After I got married, I’d buy my parents clothes, special treats, and so on every Chinese New Year. Later, I came to believe in God and did my duty away from home. My parents were very supportive and even gave me money. I felt really bad about it, thinking, “My parents raised me, so I should be the one taking care of them now. Instead, they are still taking care of me….” Back then, I always hoped the CCP would collapse so I could go home and take good care of my parents in their old age. But the CCP’s persecution of Christians grew more and more severe. Our family was well-known locally for our faith in God, and my dad had a police record, so our family became a key focus for the CCP. In 2016, I fled to a democratic country overseas to believe in God and do my duty. Whenever I had a quiet moment, I’d picture my parents seeing me off as I left the country. The memory always made my heart ache. I felt so guilty that I couldn’t be there to take good care of them, especially as they got older.

In the summer of 2019, I wrote to a church leader back home to ask about my family. A while later, I received a reply saying my dad had passed away from an illness a few years earlier. I just couldn’t believe it. Tears streamed down my face uncontrollably. The team leader read a few passages of God’s words about His sovereignty to me, but my mind was filled with memories of my dad’s loving care back home, and I couldn’t absorb any of her fellowship. When I left the room, the sky was overcast, and it was as if all the color had drained from the world. I returned to my place feeling like my soul had left me. My mind was filled with my dad’s loving face, him asking me, “What do you feel like eating? How are you doing out there?” But I would never hear his voice again. The more I thought about it, the more miserable I felt, and I couldn’t help but break down and cry. In those days, memories of my dad’s kindness to me kept flooding my mind. When I was in elementary school, my dad often gave me pocket money for treats and never let me do any housework. After I got married, my dad preached the gospel of Almighty God to me. We sang hymns and fellowshipped about our experiential understanding together. After I left home to do my duty, my parents were very supportive and often helped me financially. Whenever I returned, they would always make all sorts of new and delicious meals for me and dote on me. My dad had been so good to me, and he was gone before I had a chance to repay him. I felt so much guilt and self-reproach. I even regretted getting married so early, and being so busy with my duty that I wasn’t there to be filial to him. Now he was gone, and I had lost any chance to make it right. My heart was filled with regret, guilt, and self-reproach, and I had no heart for my duty. We were rehearsing a skit at the time. I was supposed to open a door and shout, “Uncle, I’m here!” But during rehearsal, I opened the door and shouted, “Dad, I’m home!” Tears instantly streamed down my face, and we couldn’t continue rehearsing. During that period, although I did my duty every day, my heart felt hollowed out. I was absent-minded in everything I did and simply couldn’t find any energy to rehearse. I realized my state was incorrect, so I prayed to God, “God, my dad has passed away, and I feel like I’ve lost my roots. My heart is in so much sadness. I don’t know how to experience this. Please guide me to understand Your intention.”

As I was seeking, I read a passage of God’s words that helped me see my dad’s death clearly. Almighty God says: “If one’s birth was destined by one’s previous life, then one’s death marks the end of that destiny. If one’s birth is the beginning of one’s mission in this life, then one’s death marks the end of that mission. Since the Creator has set up a fixed set of circumstances for each person’s birth, it is certain that He has also arranged a fixed set of circumstances for their death. In other words, no one is born by chance, no one’s death is sudden, and both birth and death are necessarily connected with one’s previous and present lives. What the circumstances of one’s birth are like, and what the circumstances of their death are, are related to the preordination of the Creator; this is a person’s destiny, a person’s fate. Since there are many explanations for a person’s birth, there must also necessarily be various special circumstances for a person’s death. In this way, varying lifespans and different manners and times of their deaths came into being among mankind. Some people are strong and healthy, yet die young; others are weak and sickly, yet live to an old age and pass away peacefully. Some perish of unnatural causes, others die naturally. Some die far from home, others shut their eyes for the final time with their loved ones by their side. Some people die in midair, others beneath the earth. Some drown in water, others perish in disasters. Some die in the morning, others at night. … Everyone wants an illustrious birth, a brilliant life, and a glorious death, but no one can surpass their own destiny, no one can escape the Creator’s sovereignty. This is human fate” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique III). From God’s words, I understood that everyone’s life and death has been preordained by God long ago; everyone has their own fate. My dad’s passing wasn’t sudden. His time was up. When it was his time to go, he went. This is a law preordained by God that no one can change, and I couldn’t have changed that fact, even if I had always been by his side. In fact, it’s not just my dad. From the moment we’re born, we are all destined to leave this world someday. It’s just that the time and manner of each person’s leaving is different. Some die of old age, some drown, and others die from a sudden illness. These are things no one can predict or prevent. They are all God’s preordinations. We should submit to God’s sovereignty and treat life and death correctly. Realizing this brought some peace to my heart, and I was gradually able to settle my heart and do my duty.

In October 2022, I learned from a sister back home that my mom had also passed away a few years earlier. I was heartbroken. I remembered what my mom asked when I left the country, “My dear daughter, could it be that I’ll never see you again before I die?” I never imagined those words would become reality. Although I had read some of God’s words about how to treat death when my dad passed away, and I could accept their passing, that feeling that “The child wants to care for their parents, but their parents are no longer there” grew stronger and stronger. The guilt I felt toward my parents was like a knot in my heart that I just couldn’t untie. In particular, when I thought about how I wasn’t there to care for them when they were sick, I felt so guilty, even though I couldn’t have done much. Maybe even just being with them and reading God’s words to them could have eased their loneliness and pain a little. But they were gone before I had a chance to truly take good care of them, and they didn’t get to see me one last time before they died. I wasn’t with my parents when they died, so my relatives would surely call me an ungrateful wretch and say my parents had wasted their love on me. The more I thought about it, the more miserable I became. The memories replayed in my mind, one after another, like a movie. At the time, we were filming a movie. There were two simple shots that I just couldn’t get into character for, and in the end, we had to stop filming. The brothers and sisters saw my state was wrong and reminded me, “A scene like this shouldn’t be hard for you. Take some time to adjust your state, and we’ll try again later.” During that period, my parents’ passing became the thing that pained my heart the most. Sometimes, seeing brothers and sisters who were about my parents’ age would make me think of them. My heart would ache, and I would start crying without realizing it. I’d even dream of them and wake up crying in the middle of the night. Then I’d lie awake for hours, their faces and voices bubbling up in my mind, and I would feel like I owed them so much. This regret weighed on my heart like a heavy stone, until one day, God fellowshipped on the truth about being filial to one’s parents, and my heart finally brightened.

Almighty God says: “Some parents have the blessing and the destiny to be able to enjoy domestic bliss and a home filled with kids and grandkids. This is God’s sovereignty, and a blessing God gives them. Some parents don’t have this destiny; God has not arranged this for them. They are not blessed to enjoy having a happy family or being surrounded by their children. This is God’s orchestration, and people cannot force this. No matter what, ultimately when it comes to filial piety, people must at least have a mindset of submission. If the environment permits and you have the means to do so, then you can show your parents filial respect. If the environment does not permit and you lack the means, then do not try to force it. This is submission. How does this submission come about? What is the basis for submission? It is based on all of these things being arranged by God and under the sovereignty of God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. What Is the Truth Reality?). “If you truly believe that everything is in God’s hands, then you should believe that the issue of how much hardship they suffer and how much happiness they enjoy throughout their lives is also in God’s hands. Whether or not you are filial will not change anything—your parents will not suffer less because you are filial, and they will not suffer more because you are not filial. God preordained their fate long ago, and none of this will change because of your attitude toward them or the depth of feeling between you. They have their own fate. Regardless of whether they are poor or rich their entire lives, whether or not things go smoothly for them, or what kind of quality of life, material benefits, social status, and living conditions they enjoy, none of this has much to do with you. … most people choose to leave home to perform their duty in one regard because of the broader objective circumstances, which necessitate them leaving their parents and make it so they cannot stay by their parents’ side to take care of them and accompany them. It’s not that they willingly choose to leave their parents. This is one objective reason. In another regard, subjectively speaking, you go out to perform your duty not to avoid your responsibilities toward your parents, but because of God’s calling. In order to cooperate with God’s work, accept His calling, and perform the duty of a created being, you had no choice but to leave your parents; you could not stay by their side to accompany them and take care of them. You didn’t leave them to avoid responsibilities, right? Leaving them to avoid your responsibilities and having to leave them to accept God’s calling and perform your duty—aren’t these of two different natures? (Yes.) In your heart, you do have concern for your parents and miss them; your feelings are not empty. If objective circumstances allow, and you are able to stay by their side while also performing your duty, then you would be willing to keep them company, regularly taking care of them and fulfilling your responsibilities. But because of objective circumstances, you must leave them and cannot stay by their side. It’s not that you don’t want to fulfill your responsibilities as their child, but that you can’t. Isn’t this different in nature? (Yes.) If you left home to avoid being filial and fulfilling your responsibilities, that is unfilial and lacks humanity. Your parents raised you, but you can’t wait to spread your wings and quickly go off on your own. You don’t want to see your parents, and you don’t pay any regard when you hear about some difficulty they’ve encountered. Even if you have the means to help, you don’t; you just pretend not to hear and let others say whatever they want about you—you simply don’t want to fulfill your responsibilities. This is being unfilial. But is this the case now? (No.) Many people have left their counties, cities, provinces, or even their countries to perform their duties; they are already far away from their hometowns. Furthermore, it’s not convenient for them to contact their families for various reasons. Occasionally, they inquire about their parents’ current situation from people who came from the same hometown and feel relieved when they hear that their parents are healthy and getting by okay. In fact, you are not unfilial. It’s not that you have reached the point of not having humanity, where you don’t even want to care for your parents or fulfill your responsibilities toward them. It’s because of various objective reasons that you’re unable to fulfill your responsibilities—this does not mean you’re unfilial” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (16)). God’s words helped me understand that whether parents can enjoy their children’s filial care is down to God’s preordination. Everyone hopes to have their children by their side and enjoy their later years surrounded by children and grandchildren. But some parents do get to enjoy their children’s company and care, and have them by their side when they pass, while in other cases, their children can’t be there to take care of them for various reasons like work or marriage, and the parents live out their old age alone. This is the destiny God arranges for everyone. No one can force it, and no one can change it. It was my parents’ destiny that I couldn’t be there to take care of them before they died, and I should submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements. But because I didn’t understand the truth in this regard, I was constantly filled with regret and sadness for not being there with them. I even thought that if I could turn back time, I would have stayed by their side and never left. I had believed that if I were there to look after them when they were seriously ill and passed away, I might have lessened their pain. I was so ignorant! I’m just a created being; I have absolutely no power to change my parents’ destiny. Some parents enjoy the care of their children but still suffer from constant illness, take medicine every day, and live in misery. Other parents are healthy, can take care of themselves, and live quite well even though their children aren’t around. I thought about my grandmother. My dad took such meticulous care of her, but it didn’t lessen the pain of her illness one bit, and she still passed away from her illness in the end. Then I thought of the illnesses my parents got and the way they died—all of it was preordained by God long ago. Even if I had been there, they wouldn’t have endured any less suffering, and my care wouldn’t have extended their lives by a single second. At the same time, I also understood the difference between being filial and unfilial: If the circumstances allow, but children evade their responsibilities and ignore their parents when they’re sick or in trouble, that’s unfilial. But if you can’t take care of your parents because of objective circumstances beyond your control, that’s not lacking humanity or being unfilial. When I was at home, I did what I could to lighten my parents’ load. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be filial; I had to flee overseas because of the CCP’s persecution. This was caused by objective circumstances that forced it; it’s not that I was unfilial. Understanding this brought much light to my heart, and I stopped blaming myself and feeling sad for not taking care of my parents.

Later, I pondered, “Why did I always feel so indebted to my parents?” While seeking, I read God’s words: “Outwardly, it appears that your parents gave birth to you, and that it was your parents who gave you your fleshly life. But, from God’s perspective, and from the root of this matter, your fleshly life was not given to you by your parents, because people cannot create life. In simple terms, no person can create man’s breath. The reason why the flesh of each person is able to become a person is because they have that breath. Man’s life lies in this breath, and it is the sign of a living person. People have this breath and life, and their source and origin is not their parents. It is just that people were produced by means of their parents giving birth to them—at the root, this is God’s arrangement, God’s ordination. Therefore, your parents are not the masters of your life, the Master of your life is God. God created mankind, He created the lives of mankind, and He gave mankind the breath of life, which is the origin of man’s life. Therefore, isn’t the line ‘Your parents are not the masters of your life’ easy to understand? Your breath was not given to you by your parents, and much less is its continuation given to you by your parents. God looks after and is sovereign over every day of your life. Your parents cannot decide how every day of your life goes, whether each day is happy and goes smoothly, who you meet every day, or what environment you live in each day. It is merely that God looks after you through your parents—your parents are simply the people that God sent to look after you. When you were born, it was not your parents who gave you life, so was it your parents who gave you the life that allowed you to live until now? It still wasn’t. The origin of your life is still God, and not your parents” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (17)). “God selects a family for you; your family background, your parents, your ancestors—all this, God decides in advance. Therefore, God does not make these decisions on a whim; rather, He began this work long ago. Once God has chosen a family for you, He then chooses the date on which you will be born. Then, God watches as you are born and come crying into the world. He watches your arrival, watches as you learn to babble, watches as you stumble your way to walking, step by step. Now you can run, jump, talk, and express your feelings…. As people grow up, Satan’s gaze is fixed on every one of them, like a tiger eyeing its prey. But in doing His work, God has never been subject to limitations arising from any person, event, or thing, of space or time; He does what He should and what He intends. In the process of growing up, you may encounter many undesirable things, including illness and bumps in the road. But as you walk this path, your life and your future are under God’s close care. God provides a true guarantee for your whole life, for He is right there beside you, protecting you and looking after you” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). “All that God does for every individual is beyond doubt; He leads everyone by the hand, looks after you with every passing moment and has never once left your side. As people grow up in this kind of environment and with this kind of background, could we say that people in fact grow up in the palm of God’s hand? (Yes.)” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). The main reason I felt indebted to my parents was that I believed they gave me life, raised me, and cared for me, so I had to be filial to them. I thought if I didn’t, I would be letting them down for their kindness in raising me and would be an ungrateful wretch. From God’s words, I understood that my life comes from God. God provides everyone with sunlight, rain, air, and the very breath of life. If God took any of those away, I couldn’t survive. And even before I came into this world, God had already chosen my parents and family, and preordained the environment I would grow up in. From childhood to adulthood, through marriage and having children, God has been by my side, watching over me every step of the way. My parents just gave birth to me and fulfilled their responsibility to care for me, but they had no control over my life. For example, when I was eighteen, I got carbon monoxide poisoning because I didn’t know how to burn coal, and I passed out. My parents weren’t home, and it was a neighbor who carried me outside, and by the time the ambulance arrived, I was already starting to come to. If it hadn’t been for God’s care and protection, I would have died long ago. Realizing this brought light to my heart. Everything I have comes from God, and it is God’s love that I should repay above all else. I also realized the root cause of my pain was that I hadn’t seen through fleshly family affections. In fact, in the spiritual realm, parents and children are separate individuals with no relationship. It’s just that God doesn’t want people to live lonely lives in this world, so He arranges families, parents, and children for us. When a person passes away, that fleshly relationship is gone. And I’m not just my parents’ daughter; I am a created being. Fulfilling the duty of a created being is my responsibility and my mission. Understanding this truth made my heart feel much more liberated.

Later, I read more of God’s words and gained some discernment of the traditional cultural idea of “Filial piety is a virtue to be held above all else.” God says: “Due to the conditioning of Chinese traditional culture, in Chinese people’s traditional notions they believe that one must observe filial piety toward their parents, and that whoever does not observe filial piety is a rebellious child. These ideas have been instilled in people since childhood, and they are taught in practically every household, as well as in every school and in society at large. When a person’s head has been filled with such stuff, they think, ‘Filial piety is more important than anything. If I were unfilial, I wouldn’t be a good person; I’d be a rebellious child, I’d be condemned by public opinion. I’d be someone with no conscience.’ Is this view correct? People have seen so many truths expressed by God—has God demanded that one show filial piety toward their parents? Is this one of the truths that believers in God must understand? No, it is not. God has only fellowshipped some principles. … Satan uses these traditional cultures and these notions of morality to bind your heart and mind, making your views on things become absurd and making you deny and resist God in your heart, thus leaving you unable to accept God’s words; you have been possessed by these things of Satan, and rendered incapable of accepting God’s words. If you want to practice God’s words, these things will act up and cause disturbances within you, and make you resist the truth and God’s requirements. Even if you want to rid yourself of the yoke of traditional culture, you’ll be powerless to do so. After struggling for a while, you’ll compromise. You’ll believe traditional notions of morality are correct and in line with the truth, and so you’ll reject or doubt God’s words, not accept God’s words as the truth, and not care about whether you can attain salvation, feeling that, after all, you still live in this world, and can only have a way forward in life by relying on these things. Unable to endure the condemnation of public opinion, you’d choose to give up the truth and God’s words, and instead cling to traditional culture’s notions of morality, going over to Satan’s side and standing with Satan, preferring to offend God rather than accept the truth. Tell Me, is man not pitiful? Does he not have need of God’s salvation? Some people have believed in God for many years, but still cannot see through the matter of filial piety. No matter how the truth is fellowshipped, they cannot understand it. They can never overcome this worldly relationship; they do not have the courage, nor the faith, let alone the resolve, so they cannot love and submit to God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Knowing One’s Own Wrong Views Can One Truly Transform). Through the exposure of God’s words, I realized that another reason I always felt indebted to my parents was that I had taken ideas like “Filial piety is a virtue to be held above all else” and “An unfilial person is lower than a beast” as my principles for self-conduct. I thought that only those who were filial to their parents had a conscience and humanity, but this view doesn’t align with the truth at all. I thought of the saints throughout history who forsook their parents and families to follow God and propagate His gospel. The things they did were humankind’s most righteous deeds, and are approved of and remembered by God. But I had been corrupted and conditioned by traditional culture, and had treated being filial to my parents as the most important thing of all. Coming overseas to do my duty as a created being and to do my part in spreading the gospel of the kingdom is clearly a positive thing, yet because I didn’t care for my parents, I saw myself as an ungrateful wretch and an unfilial child. My conscience often rebuked me, and I even regretted leaving home so early to do my duty. I saw how these traditional cultural notions had completely twisted my sense of right and wrong. I am a created being, and it is perfectly natural and justified for me to do my duty well. But after hearing my parents had died, I was trapped in a state of guilt. I was absent-minded in my duty, couldn’t get into character when acting, and felt no self-reproach for delaying the film’s progress. That was the true lack of conscience! In fact, my parents’ passing was a very normal thing. Everyone experiences birth, aging, sickness, and death. But I was stuck in a despondent state and couldn’t break free, which was a silent complaint against God. Only then did I see clearly that traditional culture is an enemy of God. It is poison. Living by it would only make me more rebellious and resistant toward God. Realizing this, I saw how precious these truths expressed by God are. Only the truth can free me from Satan’s bondage and harm. After that, I prayed to God, “Oh God, I have been so deeply corrupted by Satan. I’ve been bound and tied by the wrong idea of ‘Filial piety is a virtue to be held above all else.’ I’ve been trapped in a state of guilt toward my parents, unable to do my duty earnestly. Now I understand this is one of Satan’s tricks to corrupt people. From now on, I wish to view people and things according to Your words, seek the truth in all matters, and hold fast to my duty.”

Now, my parents’ passing doesn’t affect me anymore. I pour all my time and energy into my duty. I ponder every role I play carefully and no longer let my personal state or feelings get in the way of my duty. Although experiencing my parents’ passing was very painful, I came to understand some truths. For me, this was God’s grace and salvation. Thank God!