By Xu Liang, China

In 1999, I accepted Almighty God’s work of the last days. I had never thought that I would be able to welcome the Lord in the last days. I was so happy I could barely describe it. I felt that this time there was finally hope of entering the kingdom and gaining eternal life. I was in my 50s at the time and still had plenty of energy. Whether I was serving a church leader, preaching the gospel, or watering newcomers, I worked very actively, and every day was very fulfilling. At the end of 2018, I suddenly felt dizzy, my legs felt heavy, and I couldn’t lift my feet to walk. I always stumbled even when I walked on flat ground, and often grazed my knees and elbows, causing them to bleed. My daughter took me to the hospital for a checkup. The doctor said I had a lacunar infarction and warned me gravely, “You have to be very careful with this condition! If you fall again, it is likely to cause a cerebral hemorrhage.” I was quite scared when I heard the doctor say that. “If I really had a cerebral hemorrhage, how could I still do any duties? How can I be saved if I can’t do my duty? Wouldn’t all these years of belief have been in vain?” Afterward, I took medicine to treat it, and gradually, my condition stabilized and I felt better. I knew that this was God’s protection, and I persisted in doing my duty during this period. After I turned 70, I clearly felt that my body was starting to deteriorate in many ways. I felt tired after doing just a little work and my memory became poor. When I was 73, I was screening sermons in the church. One day, the supervisor held a gathering with us. I noticed several brothers and sisters who were quite young, and when the supervisor fellowshipped about the principles, their fingers nimbly tapped the computer keyboards, producing a rapid clacking sound. I was very envious of them, and thought, “We both believe in God and are doing duties. Why is there such a big difference? Young people are fast at doing everything, quick at comprehending and mastering principles, and full of energy. But what about me? My eyes can’t keep up, and my brain is slow to react. I’m several beats behind the youngsters. Now I’m old, and my body won’t do what I want, no matter what I try to do. Can I do this duty well?” The more I thought about it, the more despondent I became. Gradually, I started to feel like a deflated balloon, and had no interest in doing anything. I didn’t know what to say when I prayed, and I didn’t gain any enlightenment or light from reading God’s words. I wondered if I had been abandoned and eliminated by God. Later, I pondered, “I am old and of poor caliber. If I don’t actively try to strive upward, won’t I fall even further away? As the saying goes, ‘Don’t be afraid of going slow, just be afraid of standing still; standing still once puts you two and a half miles behind.’ No, I have to strive upward!” During those days I kept praying, begging God to enlighten and guide me to resolve my negative state.

Later, I remembered God’s words: “I am unwilling to forsake or eliminate any of those among you, but if man does not strive to do well, then you are only ruining yourself; it is not Me that eliminates you, but you yourself.” I looked up this passage of God’s words to read. God says: “I am unwilling to forsake or eliminate any of those among you, but if man does not strive to do well, then you are only ruining yourself; it is not Me that eliminates you, but you yourself. … My intention is for all of you to be made perfect, and at the very least be conquered, so that this stage of work may be successfully completed. God’s wish is for every person to be made perfect, to be ultimately gained by Him, to be completely cleansed by Him, and to become people He loves. No matter whether I say you are backward or of poor caliber, this is all fact. My saying this does not prove that I intend to forsake you, that I have lost hope in you, much less that I am unwilling to save you. Today I have come to do the work of your salvation, which is to say that the work I do is a continuation of the work of salvation. Every person has the chance to be made perfect: Provided that you are willing, provided that you pursue, in the end you will be able to achieve this result, and not one of you will be forsaken. If you are of poor caliber, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your poor caliber; if you are of high caliber, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your high caliber; if you are ignorant and illiterate, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your illiteracy; if you are literate, My requirements of you will be in accordance with the fact that you are literate; if you are elderly, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your age; if you are capable of providing hospitality, My requirements of you will be in accordance with this capability; if you say you cannot offer hospitality, and can only perform a certain function, whether it be spreading the gospel, or taking care of the church, or attending to other general affairs, My perfection of you will be in accordance with the function that you perform. Being loyal, submitting to the very end, and seeking to have supreme love for God—this is what you must accomplish, and there are no better practices than these three things. Ultimately, man is required to achieve these three things, and if he can achieve them, then he will be made perfect. But, above all, you must truly pursue, you must actively press onward and upward, and not be passive in that regard” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Restoring the Normal Life of Man and Taking Him to a Wonderful Destination). After reading God’s words, my heart was greatly brightened. God wants everyone to be saved and perfected. As long as we pursue the truth, God will not eliminate us, and we can all be gained by God in the end. God makes requirements of people based on their different calibers, and does not treat people in a one-size-fits-all manner. God does not hold the elderly to the standards that the young can achieve, nor did He say that He will not save people once they are old. Regardless of whether you are old, have slow reactions, or are of poor caliber, as long as you are willing to pursue the truth, you have a chance to be saved. God is so righteous! But I didn’t understand God’s intention. I believed that because young people are quick to comprehend principles and are efficient in doing their duties, they have a greater chance of being saved; and because I am old, slow to react, and my efficiency in doing my duties is far inferior to that of young people, God will eliminate me. This came from my notions and imaginings. Doing duty in the church is not like working for a boss in the world where no one hires you when you get old. This is not how God treats people. Before, I was blind to God’s intention, and felt dispirited and disappointed because I mistakenly believed that God does not save the old. I shouldn’t have thought that! After reading God’s words, I felt as if a wave of calm had washed over my mind. For each and every day that I can do my duty, I will pursue earnestly and actively strive upward toward the truth.

In early February 2022, 80-year-old Sister Liu Yi passed away due to illness. This touched me deeply. I am getting older day by day, and have a lacunar infarction, which will cause a cerebral hemorrhage if it gets serious. One time in particular, I suddenly felt dizzy and couldn’t stand up, and didn’t dare to open my eyes. I felt extremely scared, afraid that I would suddenly fall ill and die. I thought, “I am almost 80 years old, and what happened to Sister Liu today could happen to me tomorrow. I want to take advantage of the moment to do my duty properly, but now I’m old, my body won’t do what I want it to, no matter what work I do, and I am always forgetting things. How can I be saved if I can’t do my duty? If only I were a few years younger!” Seeing the pandemic getting worse and worse, I worried that one day I might get infected, that my lacunar infarction would get worse, and I would be at risk of dying at any moment. During those days, I lived amidst constant distress and anxiety. My heart was miserable and in torment, and I couldn’t summon up any energy to do my duty. However, I knew that no matter what, not doing my duty was not an option. If I abandoned my duty, that would be even more dangerous. I prayed to God, “Dear God, now that I am getting older, I feel like the countdown has started on my life, and I am constantly afraid of death. Dear God, may You lead me to understand the truth and walk out of anxiety and distress.”

One time, during my devotionals, I read the words of God: “If God allows you to live, you will not die no matter how sick you get. If God does not allow you to live, then even if you are not sick, you will still die if that is what must be. The span of your life is predetermined by God. To know this is true knowledge and true faith. So, does God make people fall sick at random? It is not random; it is a way to refine their faith. It is suffering that people must endure. If He makes you fall sick, do not try to escape it; if He does not, then do not request it. All is in the Creator’s hands, and people must learn to let nature take its course. What is nature? Nothing in nature is random; it all comes from God. This is true. Among sufferers of the same disease, some die and others live; all of this was predetermined by God. If you can live, it proves that you have not yet completed the mission God gave you. You should work hard at completing it, and cherish this time; do not waste it. This is what it is. If you are sick, do not try to escape it, and, if you are not sick, do not request it. In any matter, you cannot get what you want merely by requesting it, nor can you escape anything just because you want to. No one can change that which God has decided to do” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). After reading the words of God, I realized a person’s lifespan is preordained by God. Sister Liu died at the age of 80 because her lifespan had come to an end. This was entirely normal. I thought back to my neighbor Xiaoshi. He was only 34 when he died, and had always been in great health. Unexpectedly, he died when he crashed into a utility pole. I realized that everyone’s lives are in God’s hands, and we cannot control our own fate. When our lifespan comes to an end, we will die even if we are not sick. Take myself as an example. When my lacunar infarction was diagnosed, the doctor said that with getting this disease at my age, I would be at high risk of having a cerebral hemorrhage if I fell over. However, I have fallen over many times, and my illness has not worsened. There was also that time when I suddenly felt dizzy and dazed, as if I was going to pass out at any moment. However, after one day of discomfort I was fine again. If my mission is not complete, I will not die even if I am old and sick. If my illness really gets worse, this is suffering that I should endure. When the time comes for me to die, I will submit to God’s sovereignty. This is the reason I should have. While I still have breath in my lungs, I should seize the opportunity I have now, and spend my time and energy on doing my duty and pursuing the truth, striving to gain something each day I am alive. I can no longer waste my time worrying and feeling anxious like I did in the past. When I understood this, I felt much more relaxed, and had more energy to do my duties.

Later, I was infected with COVID-19 and my health got weaker and my memory poorer. Once, the supervisor gathered with us and read God’s words. At that time, I read a passage of God’s words that matched my state very well, and I wanted to fellowship about this passage afterward. However, when I read on, I couldn’t remember the key point from before, and when I went back to search for it, I couldn’t find it. I was so anxious that sweat started to form on the tip of my nose. In the end, I managed to fellowship a few words, but they were incoherent. I felt extremely embarrassed, and a bit despondent and dejected. I thought, “At the next gathering, I mustn’t embarrass myself by trying to fellowship. Now that I’m old, I’m really useless. My brain is slow to react, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t keep up with the young people!” The more I thought about it, the more negative I became. I felt like my chances of being saved were becoming fainter and fainter, and I had even less hope of being blessed. Another time, a sister copied a video of a recitation of God’s words for me. I saw with my own eyes that the sister copied it onto the memory card for me, but when I got home and turned on my computer, I couldn’t find it. I thought to myself, “It seems that I can’t simply refuse to accept old age. Why is my memory so bad? If something urgent happens, won’t I end up delaying it?” Just when I was getting anxious, my sister came and I complained to her, saying, “I’m so old now that I can’t remember anything. Am I not done for? Can I still pursue the truth and be saved?” Seeing that I was a little negative, my sister comforted me and asked me to read the chapter of God’s words “How to Pursue the Truth (3).” After my sister left, I looked for this chapter of God’s words to read. Almighty God says: “Elderly people always have a misconception, believing that they’re confused, that their memory is bad, and so they can’t understand the truth. Are they right? (No.) Although young people have much more energy than elderly people, and are physically stronger, actually their capacity to understand, comprehend, and know is just the same as that of elderly people. Weren’t elderly people once young as well? They weren’t born old, and young people will all grow old one day, too. Elderly people mustn’t always be thinking that because they’re old, physically weak, unwell, and with bad memories, they’re different from young people. In fact, there is no difference. What do I mean when I say there is no difference? Whether someone is old or young, their corrupt dispositions are the same, their attitudes and views on all manner of things are the same, and their perspectives and standpoints on all manner of things are the same. … So, it is not that elderly people have nothing to do, nor are they unable to perform their duties, much less are they unable to pursue the truth—there are many things for them to do. The various heresies and fallacies that you have accumulated during your lifetime, as well as the various traditional ideas and notions, ignorant and stubborn things, conservative things, irrational things, and distorted things that you have accumulated have all piled up in your heart, and you should spend even more time than young people to dig out, dissect, and recognize these things. It’s not the case that you have nothing to do, or that you should feel distressed, anxious, and worried when you are at a loose end—this is neither your task nor your responsibility. First of all, elderly people should have the correct mindset. Although you may be getting on in years and you are relatively aged physically, still you should have a young mindset. Although you’re getting old, your thinking is slowed and your memory is poor, if you can still know yourself, still understand the words I say, and still understand the truth, then that proves you are not old and that your caliber is not lacking. If someone is in their 70s but is not able to understand the truth, then this shows that their stature is too small and not up to the task. Therefore, age is irrelevant when it comes to the truth and, moreover, age is irrelevant when it comes to corrupt dispositions. … In God’s house and when it comes to the truth, are elderly people a special group? No, they’re not. Age is irrelevant when it comes to the truth, as it is when it comes to your corrupt dispositions, the depth of your corruption, whether you are qualified to pursue the truth, whether you can attain salvation, or what the probability is of you being saved. Isn’t that so? (It is.)” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth). God’s words spoke right to my heart, especially these words: “Although you’re getting old, your thinking is slowed and your memory is poor, if you can still know yourself, still understand the words I say, and still understand the truth, then that proves you are not old and that your caliber is not lacking.” God knows us old people so well. He does not reject the elderly, instead He encourages us to have a positive mindset, not to live in distress and anxiety because of our age, and to do our utmost to fulfill our duties to the best of our ability. God’s words gave me a path of practice, and I saw some hope. I had always believed that young people not only have good caliber but are quick to comprehend the truth, efficient in doing their duty, and so have a greater hope of salvation. On the other hand, all my functions are declining as I age. I have a poor memory, am slow to comprehend the truth, and can’t keep up with the pace of anything. In particular, my memory got worse after I was infected with COVID-19, and I felt even more like I was useless, with no hope of gaining blessings, and so I became discouraged and disappointed. I lived in the negative emotions of distress and anxiety, which not only impeded my own life entry, but also hindered my duty. I saw that living in negative emotions caused such great harm, and I had to positively and actively strive upward toward the truth. Although I am old, slow to comprehend, and have a poor memory, it is not the case that I cannot understand the truth at all, and I am not so old that I can’t understand the words of God. I should cherish my limited time and pursue changing my corrupt dispositions. I still have many corrupt dispositions that I have not cast off, and have many perspectives that need to be turned around. As long as I don’t give up pursuing the truth, I have a chance to be saved. The truth does not treat people unfairly. When I understood this, my heart felt at ease.

In the following days, I kept pondering why I was constantly afraid that I wouldn’t be able to be saved because I am too old to do duties. What corrupt disposition was I being dominated by? I read the words of God: “People believe in God in order to be blessed, to be rewarded, to be crowned. Doesn’t this exist in everyone’s heart? … Without this motivation to receive blessings, how would you feel? With what attitude would you perform your duty and follow God? What would become of people if this motivation to receive blessings that is hidden in their hearts was gotten rid of? It is possible that many people would become negative, while some would become demotivated in their duties. They would lose interest in their belief in God, as if their soul had vanished. They would appear as if their heart had been snatched away. This is why I say the motivation for blessings is something hidden deep in people’s hearts. Perhaps, as they perform their duty or live the life of the church, they feel that they are able to forsake their families and gladly expend themselves for God, and that they now have knowledge of their motivation to receive blessings, and have put this motivation aside, and are no longer governed or constrained by it. Then, they think that they no longer have the motivation to be blessed, but God believes otherwise. People only view matters superficially. Without trials, they feel good about themselves. As long as they don’t leave the church or deny God’s name, and they persist in expending for God, they believe they have changed. They feel they are no longer driven by personal enthusiasm or momentary impulses in the performance of their duty. Instead, they believe they can pursue the truth, and that they can continuously seek and practice the truth while performing their duty, so that their corrupt dispositions are purified and they achieve some genuine change. However, when things happen that are directly related to people’s destination and outcome, how do they behave? The truth is revealed in its entirety. So at the end of the day, as far as people are concerned, is this circumstance one of salvation and perfection, or one of being revealed and eliminated? Is it a good thing or a bad thing? To those who pursue the truth, it means salvation and perfection, which is good; to those who do not pursue the truth, it means being revealed and eliminated, which is bad” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Six Indicators of Life Growth). As I pondered God’s words, I connected them to myself: I believed in God because I wanted to be blessed. After accepting this stage of work, I expended myself enthusiasticallyand gave my all in doing whatever duties the church assigned me, never feeling like I was suffering or tired. Sometimes, I transferred the books of God’s words at great risk, but I was not afraid. Even when I suffered a lacunar infarction in 2018, I did not stop doing my duties. I thought that as long as I did my duties actively in this way, I would be blessed and have a good destination in the future. However, after I turned 70, my physical condition began to decline and my memory was not as good as before, on top of my lacunar infarction. I was afraid that I would die, not be able to do my duty, and not be saved, so I lived in a despondent state. I reluctantly did my duty on the surface, but I was not motivated. Especially after I was infected with COVID-19 and saw that my health and memory were even worse than before, I felt that I had no hope of being blessed and could not obtain a good destination, so I lived in negativity and misery, and had no interest in doing anything. I believed that if I couldn’t receive any blessings, all my years of suffering would have been in vain, and I felt like I had lost out. I didn’t want to read God’s words or pray to God, and lost all energy in doing my duty; my heart drifted further and further away from God. Now I finally saw that in the past, when I was hopeful of receiving blessings, I was able to endure suffering and pay a price in my duty, appearing to be sincere toward God. However, in fact, I regarded doing my duty as capital for gaining blessings, and I had constantly been trying to bargain with God. I had been engaging in trickery all along. I was so selfish and despicable, so lacking in humanity! In what way was I a sincere believer in God? God is holy, and His disposition cannot be offended. How can He tolerate people trying to trick Him? Even though I was acting like this, I still asked God for blessings. How could I have been so unreasonable? How utterly shameless I was! I didn’t pay any attention to pursuing the truth over all those years, and my disposition did not change. I believed in God for the sake of receiving blessings. I had been walking on Paul’s path! If God had not set up this environment to reveal me, I would still be pursuing blessings, and in the end I would have been completely eliminated and sent to hell. Today I could understand that I was on the wrong path. This was God’s great salvation of me! When I understood this, I really regretted not pursuing the truth all these years. Next, I had to let go of my intention to receive blessings and pursue the truth in earnest. I could not continue to let God down.

Later, I remembered a passage of God’s words: “I decide the destination of each person not on the basis of age, seniority, amount of suffering, and least of all, the degree to which they invite pity, but according to whether they possess the truth. There is no other choice but this” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Prepare Sufficient Good Deeds for Your Destination). God has clearly stated the standards for determining a person’s outcome. God determines people’s outcomes based on whether they pursue the truth, practice the truth, and, ultimately, whether they achieve changes in their disposition. This is the righteousness of God. I used to think that God determines people’s outcomes based on their age and how much duty they do. Looking at it from my perspective, all the old people would be eliminated, and all the young ones would be saved. If that were the case, God’s righteous disposition would not be manifested. I thought of the young people who had been cleared out of our church. They were smart and gifted, but they just didn’t pursue the truth, were greedy for the world, and were unwilling to do their duties. They all were eliminated as disbelievers. I saw that no matter how old you are, pursuing the truth and doing your duty well to the extent you are able is extremely important.

I read some more of God’s words, and my heart became even brighter. Almighty God says: “Some people say, ‘I’m sixty years old. For sixty years, God has been watching over me, protecting me, and guiding me. If, when I’m old, I can’t perform a duty and I can’t do anything—will God still care about me?’ Is this not a silly thing to say? God does not have sovereignty over a person’s fate, and watch over them and protect them for just a single lifespan. If it were just the matter of a single lifespan, a single lifetime, that would fail to demonstrate that God is almighty and has sovereignty over everything. The labor that God does and the price that He pays for a person is not merely to arrange what they do in this life, but to arrange for them a countless number of lifetimes. God takes full responsibility for every soul that is reincarnated. He works attentively, paying the price of His life, guiding every person and arranging each of their lives. God toils and pays a price in this way for man’s sake, and He bestows upon man all of these truths and this life. If people do not perform the duty of created beings in these final days, and they do not return before the Creator—if, in the end, no matter how many lives and generations they have lived through, they do not do their duties well and they fail to meet God’s demands—would their debt to God not then be too great? Would they not be unworthy of all the prices God has paid? They would be so lacking in conscience, they would not deserve to be called people, as their debt to God would be too great” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Paying the Price to Gain the Truth Is of Great Significance). “What is it you must do now? While God’s heart still toils for mankind, while He’s still making plans for mankind, while He still sorrows over and feels concern for every human movement and gesture, you must make your choice as soon as possible, and establish the goal and direction of your pursuit. Don’t wait until the days of God’s rest have come to make your plans. If you don’t feel true ruefulness, regret, grief, and lamentation until then, it will all have come too late. No one will be able to save you, nor will God” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. Why Man Must Pursue the Truth). After reading God’s words I was very moved. God has always been watching over and protecting people, and has always been leading them. The price God has paid for man’s salvation is too great. Take me for example. I am just an ordinary housewife. I grew up in a poor family and no one looked up to me, so I lived with feelings of inferiority. God has graced me with allowing me to accept His work of the last days and do my duty in the church, gaining a chance to be saved. God has also kept orchestrating environments to reveal my corruption, using His words to enlighten me and help me know myself and understand some truths. When I got old, I believed that because my reactions were too slow and I couldn’t do any duties, I could not be saved, and so I lived in a negative state. But God still enlightened me to understand the truth and helped me walk out of the negative emotions of distress and anxiety, little by little guiding me onto the path of pursuing the truth. God has expended so much of His painstaking effort on me! I cried as I pondered God’s words, feeling like I was absolutely empty of conscience and reason! I had truly let down God by not earnestly pursuing the truth over so many years, and left too many regrets. Now God’s work has not yet ended, and He is still working to save people. I can’t stop pursuing the truth and just muddle along instead merely because I’m old. I should spend all my time and energy on pursuing the truth, resolving my corrupt dispositions, and doing my duty. I should fulfill my duty to the extent I am able, and not make God fret and worry over me any longer.

Now I am responsible for the gatherings of two groups. When I see a brother or sister who is in a bad state or has any difficulties, I look for relevant words of God to help them resolve their problems. When I see their states turn around a bit, I feel really happy. When I have time, I also train myself in writing experiential testimony articles and preaching the gospel, doing everything I can to the best of my ability. Living this way, I feel very fulfilled and at ease every day. Thanks be to Almighty God for my salvation!