By Yan Zhen, China

In April 2024, I was selected as the district leader, and at the time, I felt a lot of pressure. I felt the responsibility of this duty was heavy, that there were a lot of difficulties to face, and that I had to take on a lot of worries and pay a great price. But I realized that this duty was God gracing me, and that I shouldn’t just think about my personal fleshly interests, so I gladly accepted it. Since I was new to this duty, the work assigned to me was relatively light, and I was only made responsible for text-based work and church life. In my spare time, I could also watch videos and listen to hymns. I felt that doing my duty this way was pretty good. Not long after, a sister who was cooperating with me was dismissed because she didn’t do real work, so I took over the cleansing work that she’d been in charge of. It was only during the handover that I realized that the cleansing work had many issues, that there weren’t enough people to organize the cleansing materials, and that there was a large backlog of cleansing materials that needed to be reviewed. I felt my workload had increased dramatically. The tasks at hand were coming one after another, and my daily schedule was packed.

One day, while I was handling my tasks, my partner, Sister Qiu Yan, said, “The gospel work has encountered difficulties, and the results have significantly decreased. We need everyone to discuss a solution together.” When I was a church leader before, I learned a little about these situations. When brothers and sisters faced difficulties in preaching the gospel, they tended to retreat, and leaders and workers didn’t focus on solving these real problems, and just kept pushing for progress. This was the main reason why gospel work achieved poor results. I wanted to speak out about this issue, but then I thought, “The cleansing work I am responsible for has many issues as well. My mind is constantly occupied every day. So if I also participate in the gospel work, wouldn’t that be extra effort on my part? Where will I find all this extra energy?” So I felt I should just focus on the work I was responsible for. And with that thought, I said nothing, and just continued with my own tasks. At that point, Qiu Yan asked me, “You were the church leader before, so you should have some understanding of the church’s gospel work. Do you have any good suggestions?” I thought to myself, “I haven’t finished my own tasks yet. If I discuss the gospel work now, won’t it delay the work I have at hand?” So, I declined and said, “You can just discuss it with Li Yue. I have a lot of urgent tasks to handle right now.” Then I just went back to my own tasks. Li Yue saw my attitude and sternly said to me, “After all, one person’s perspective is limited. Solving difficulties in work requires everyone’s participation. You’re being irresponsible!” Hearing the sister’s criticism, I felt guilty, thinking that I’d been too selfish in doing so. Only then did I stop what I was doing and participate in the discussion. I also talked about the problems I’d noticed while doing my duties in the church, and before long, through fellowship, we came up with a solution.

A few days later, Li Yue and Qiu Yan were discussing the issue of cultivating waterers. They said that some church leaders didn’t focus on cultivating people, leading to a shortage of waterers in the church, meaning some newcomers couldn’t receive timely watering, and severely hindering the work of watering newcomers. They said we needed to write to the church leaders to communicate about this. They asked me to join the discussion on solving this problem, but I thought, “This isn’t something that can be settled all in one go. These issues will take up a lot of time and mental energy, and the watering work isn’t even my responsibility. Discussing this will delay the work I am doing, and later, if my work piles up, I’ll have to spend extra time handling it. Moreover, solving the problem won’t get me any credit. I’ll be putting in time and energy, and I’ll delay my own work, so what’s the point?” I then just gave a perfunctory reply: “I don’t quite grasp these issues and can’t offer any good advice. You discuss it first, then write a letter to fellowship with the church leaders, and after that’s written, we can review it together.” Hearing my response, the sisters didn’t say anything, and so they had no choice but to discuss the matter themselves. Later, Qiu Yan finished writing the letter and asked us to offer suggestions. I glanced at it briefly and thought that some parts weren’t clear and needed to be supplemented and improved, but I didn’t want to put in the effort to revise it, so I just mentioned some of the issues to her briefly. After hearing my comments, Qiu Yan still didn’t know how to make additions, and awkwardly said, “I’m not so good at writing letters, and I also find revisions difficult, so could you help revise and supplement this? That way, it won’t delay the work.” I just kept insisting that the sister revise it. Seeing me making all these excuses, she finally criticized me, “You didn’t participate in the discussion yesterday, and now that the letter’s been written, you still won’t help revise it. Church work is a collective effort, and everyone shares responsibility, but you only care about your own workload. You’re being utterly selfish and despicable!” When I heard her say this, I felt really wronged, and I began to form a negative view of the sisters, thinking they didn’t understand my difficulties at all. I thought, “I’ve been doing this duty for a short time, and I already have a lot of work to do each day. Now you want me to spend extra time on the work you are responsible for, and when your work achieves results, the credit will go to you. I’d just be behind the scenes, and there’d be nothing in it for me at all. My own work would also pile up, and I’ll have to spend time and energy handling that too. It’s just not worth it for me!” But seeing the sister looking helpless, I reluctantly agreed, and revised the letter. But I felt really repressed, and that this duty was too difficult. I had to not only follow up on my own responsibilities but also see to the sisters’ work, and I just wanted to escape this situation. During that time, I was doing my duty in a dazed and numbed state, feeling none of the Holy Spirit’s work, and every day, I just did my duty on autopilot. In my pain, I brought my state before God, praying and seeking, “God, I feel a lot of pressure from the issues in my duty, but I also have to participate in the overall work, and my heart feels resistant. I know my state is wrong, but I just can’t bring myself to submit. God, please guide me, so that I can seek the truth and understand Your intention.”

During my devotionals, I read a passage of God’s words: “If you believe in God’s sovereignty, then you have to believe that everyday occurrences, be they good or bad, do not happen at random. It is not that someone is deliberately being hard on you or targeting you; this was all arranged and orchestrated by God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. To Gain the Truth, One Must Learn From the People, Events, and Things Nearby). God’s words instantly unwound the knot in my heart. The people, events, and things that appear in my life every day are part of God’s sovereignty and arrangements, and I had to quiet myself before God to learn lessons and know my own corrupt disposition. But now, in the situation I was in, I felt that my sisters didn’t understand my difficulties. I was living in a state where I was fixating on people and things, and I had no submission at all. I had to put myself aside, come before God to seek the truth, and reflect on myself.

Later, I read God’s words: “Regardless of what work they undertake, antichrists never give any thought to the interests of the house of God. They only consider whether their own interests will be affected, only think about the little bit of work in front of them that benefits them. For them, the primary work of the church is just something they do in their spare time. They don’t take it seriously at all. They only move when they’re prodded into action, only do what they like to do, and only do work that is for the sake of maintaining their own status and power. In their eyes, any work arranged by God’s house, the work of spreading the gospel, and the life entry of God’s chosen people are not important. No matter what difficulties other people have in their work, what issues they have identified and reported to them, how sincere their words are, the antichrists pay no heed, they do not get involved, it’s as if this has nothing to do with them. No matter how major the problems emerging in the church’s work are, they are utterly indifferent. Even when a problem is right in front of them, they only address it perfunctorily. Only when they are directly pruned by the Above and ordered to sort out a problem will they grudgingly do a little real work and give the Above something to see; soon after, they will continue with their own business. When it comes to the work of the church, to the important things of the wider context, they are disinterested in and disregard these things. They even ignore the problems they discover, and they give perfunctory answers or hem and haw when asked about problems, only addressing them with great reluctance. This is the manifestation of selfishness and vileness, is it not?” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Excursus Four: Summarizing the Character of Antichrists and Their Disposition Essence (Part One)). “If one believes in God but does not heed His words, accept the truth, or submit to His arrangements and orchestrations; if they only exhibit certain good behaviors, but are unable to rebel against the flesh, and relinquish nothing of their pride or interests; if, though by appearances they are performing their duty, they still live by their satanic dispositions, and have not in the least given up or changed their satanic philosophies and modes of existence, how, then, could they possibly believe in God? That is belief in religion. Such people forsake things and expend themselves superficially, but to look at the path they walk and the origin and starting point of everything they do, they don’t base those things on the words of God or the truth; instead, they continue to act according to their own notions and imaginings, their subjective assumptions, and their ambitions and desires. The philosophies and dispositions of Satan still serve as the basis of their existence and actions. In matters where they do not understand the truth, they do not seek it; in matters where they do understand the truth, they do not practice it, honor God as great, or treasure the truth. Though they nominally and verbally believe in and acknowledge God, and though they may appear able to perform a duty and follow God, they are living by their satanic disposition in everything they say and do. The things they say and do are all revelations of a corrupt disposition. You won’t see them practicing or experiencing God’s words, much less manifestation of their seeking and submitting to the truth in all things. In their actions, they consider their own interests first, and fulfill their own desires and intents first. Are these people who follow God? (No.) … However many years they have believed, they have not established a normal relationship with God; no matter what they do or what happens to them, the first thing they think is: ‘What do I want to do; what would be in my interest, and what wouldn’t; what could happen if I did such-and-such’—these are the things they consider first. They give no consideration whatsoever to what sort of practice would glorify God and bear witness to Him, or satisfy God’s intentions, nor do they pray to seek what God’s requirements are and what His words say. They never pay attention to what God’s intentions or requirements are, and how people must practice in order to satisfy God. Though they may sometimes pray before God and fellowship with Him, they are merely talking to themselves, not sincerely seeking the truth. When they pray to God and read His words, they do not relate them to the matters they encounter in real life. So, in the environment arranged by God, how do they treat His sovereignty, arrangements, and orchestrations? When faced with things that do not satisfy their own desires, they avoid them and resist them in their hearts. When faced with things that cause a loss to their interests or prevent their interests’ satisfaction, they try every means to seek a way out, striving to maximize their own benefits and fighting to avoid any losses. They do not seek to satisfy God’s intentions, but only their own desires. Is this faith in God? Do such people have a relationship with God? No, they do not. They live in a base, sordid, intransigent, and ugly manner. Not only do they have no relationship with God, but they also go against God’s sovereignty and arrangements at every turn. They often say, ‘May God hold sovereignty over and govern everything in my life. I am willing to let God take the throne and reign and rule in my heart. I am willing to submit to God’s arrangements and orchestrations.’ However, when the things they are faced with harm their own interests, they cannot submit. Instead of seeking the truth in an environment arranged by God, they seek to turn and escape from that environment. They do not want to submit to God’s arrangements and orchestrations, but to do things according to their own will, only insofar as their interests come to no harm. They completely disregard God’s intentions, caring only about their own interests, their own circumstances, and their own moods and feelings. Is this believing in God? (No.)” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. One Cannot Be Saved by Believing in Religion or Engaging in Religious Ceremony). God’s fellowship is very clear. A person who truly believes in God can seek the truth and submit to God’s work when faced with things that don’t align with their notions. If, when faced with things that don’t fit their notions, a person doesn’t seek the truth at all, and they only consider their own interests, and look for ways out, then they are not a true believer in God, and God does not approve of them. Antichrists are exactly this kind of person. They never consider the interests of God’s house or the overall situation in their duties, and they only do what benefits them in regard to fame, gain, or status. If something doesn’t benefit them, then even if they notice a problem or others seek help, antichrists turn a blind eye and a deaf ear. They are utterly cold-hearted, ruthless, selfish, despicable, and lacking in humanity. Facing the exposure of God’s words, I felt ashamed and embarrassed. In that moment, my grievances, resistance, and disobedience all seemed so unreasonable in the light of God’s words. I thought about how I’d believed in God for many years. Outwardly, I’d forsaken family and career, and I seemed to truly believe in God, but in my duties, all my thoughts and considerations were for my own benefit, and I didn’t protect the work of God’s house at all. How was I a member of God’s house? When my sisters discussed issues in the gospel work and wanted to explore solutions together, though I had understanding of specific situations, I feared that if I spoke up, I’d have to participate in the solution, which would delay my own work, so I used being busy with work as an excuse to refuse to participate. When the church was short of waterers and an urgent letter fellowshipping about the matter of cultivating people had to be sent to the leaders, I was afraid of adding to my workload, and thought that even if I did it well, I wouldn’t get credited for it, so I just gave a perfunctory response and didn’t want to get involved. When the sister wrote the letter and asked me to check it, I noticed issues but didn’t want to spend time revising them. For these tasks, it’s not that I couldn’t spot the problems or didn’t know how to solve them, but that I was too selfish and despicable, and I was only concerned with my own interests, and if something didn’t benefit my reputation or status, I didn’t want to do it. In what way was there any place for God in my heart? With this kind of behavior, when my sister pruned me for being selfish and despicable, I even felt wronged, and I wanted to avoid and abandon this duty. I was being truly unreasonable! Especially when I read these words of God: “They do not seek to satisfy God’s intentions, but only their own desires. Is this faith in God? Do such people have a relationship with God? No, they do not,” I felt somewhat moved. I’d believed in God for many years, and I’d eaten and drunk so many of God’s words and enjoyed so many of God’s graces and blessings, but when I saw problems arise in key areas like gospel work and watering work, I just ignored them. How could I call myself a believer in God? I hadn’t been loyal even in my laboring! It was only after realizing these things that I saw how serious my corrupt disposition was, and I felt a little afraid. So I came before God and prayed, “God, I see that my state is truly dangerous. I have been acting and conducting myself according to a satanic disposition, and I have been utterly selfish and rebellious! God, please enlighten and guide me, so that I can truly know my corrupt disposition.”

One day, I read God’s words: “After someone is corrupted by Satan, they lose their conscience and reason. Their heart is completely misled by Satan, and they accept many thoughts and viewpoints that come from Satan, as well as some sayings and opinions from evil trends. When things reach this point, their conscience and reason are utterly corrupted and corroded—it could also be said that at this time their conscience and reason are completely lost. What is exhibited is that their character is very poor and evil. That is, before they have accepted positive things, they have already accepted many fallacious things from Satan in their heart. These things have severely corrupted their humanity, resulting in their humanity being very poor. For example, after they accept the satanic thought and viewpoint from the world which states ‘Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost,’ will their conscience improve or remain the same, or will it deteriorate? (It will deteriorate.) And what are the specific manifestations of this deterioration? (They consider only their own interests in everything they do.) For the sake of their own purpose and interests, they stop at nothing. They can cheat and harm others and do anything that goes against morality and conscience. The more they do, the more ruthless their actions become, the darker their heart grows, the less sense of conscience they have, and the less humanity they retain. For their own interests, they will cheat and deceive anyone…. What is the reason they can deceive anyone? What is the root cause? It is because they have accepted Satan’s thoughts and viewpoints, and they act under the domination of Satan’s thoughts and viewpoints. Ultimately, the conscience and reason of their humanity no longer function; that is, the basic qualities that humanity should possess cease to work entirely, they are completely eroded and controlled by Satan’s evil thoughts. The process of erosion and control is also the process of their acceptance of these thoughts and viewpoints, and, of course, it is also the process of their being corrupted” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (10)). God’s words exposed that the root issue of my unwillingness to participate in the overall work was my being influenced by Satan’s poisons, which had made me truly selfish, despicable, and devoid of humanity. I’d been living by the satanic philosophies for worldly dealings like “Let every man skin his own skunk” and “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost.” I’d become extremely selfish and self-serving, judging everything I did by whether or not it benefited me. I would put effort into things that benefited my reputation and status, but I ignored anything that didn’t benefit me. Even when others sought my help or reminded me, I wouldn’t see to these things, and I even thought as a matter of course that if something wasn’t my responsibility, even if there was a problem, it had nothing to do with me, and I had every reason to ignore it. Under the influence of such thoughts and views, I ignored the gospel work, and when the sisters sought my help, I still turned a deaf ear. Even when the gospel work was hindered, I didn’t want to participate, even though I had some ideas for a solution. When the lack of waterers in the church had already come to affect the watering work, I was afraid of delaying my own work, which wouldn’t benefit my reputation or status, so I didn’t want to cooperate harmoniously with the sisters to solve the problem, and even though this delayed the watering work, I felt no guilt at all. My selfish and despicable behavior was so obvious, yet when the sister pointed out my selfishness, I still refused to accept it, argued back, and felt resistant, and I didn’t feel the slightest shame for my failure to uphold the interests of God’s house because of my selfishness and despicableness. I lived by Satan’s poisons, and I didn’t protect the interests of God’s house at all. My conscience and reason had grown numb. In order to avoid extra worries and burdens, I completely disregarded God’s intentions and the interests of God’s house. The way I treated my duty was actually a rejection of it, and it was betrayal of God! Realizing these things, I finally felt hatred for my selfish and despicable corrupt disposition.

During one of my devotionals, I read God’s words: “For all who perform a duty, no matter how profound or shallow their understanding of the truth is, the simplest way to practice entering into the truth reality is to think of the interests of God’s house in everything, and to let go of one’s selfish desires, personal intents, motives, pride, and status. Put the interests of God’s house first—this is the least one should do. If a person who performs a duty cannot even do this much, then how can they be said to be performing their duty? That is not performing one’s duty. You should first think of the interests of God’s house, be considerate of God’s intentions, and consider the work of the church. Put these things first and foremost; only after that can you think about the stability of your status or how others regard you. Do you not feel that this becomes a little easier when you divide it into two steps and make some compromises? If you practice like this for a while, you will come to feel that satisfying God is not such a difficult thing. Furthermore, you should be able to fulfill your responsibilities, perform your obligations and duty, and set aside your selfish desires, intents, and motives; you should show consideration for God’s intentions, and put the interests of God’s house, the work of the church, and the duty that you are supposed to perform first. After experiencing this for a while, you will feel that this is a good way to comport yourself. It is living straightforwardly and honestly, and not being a base, vile person; it is living justly and honorably rather than being despicable, base, and a good-for-nothing. You will feel that this is how a person should act and the image that they should live out. Gradually, your desire to satisfy your own interests will lessen” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). God’s words pointed out a path of practice for me. When my duty and personal interests come into conflict, I should prioritize the interests of God’s house in all things. This is the attitude that a person who is loyal to their duty should have. Although we’d divided our responsibilities, when there were issues in the sisters’ work, I should have prioritized the overall work of the church. Things like preaching the gospel, watering newcomers, and electing church leaders and deacons are important church tasks, and if problems arose in these tasks and were not resolved in a timely manner, this would delay or hinder the work. I had to distinguish between priorities. Even though I had a lot of work at hand, if I made better use of my time, my work wouldn’t be delayed too much. I couldn’t just focus on my own workload; I had to consider the overall work. Though sometimes participating in discussions and decision-making for the overall work required more time and effort, through actual seeking and discussion, I gradually grasped some principles without even realizing it. This was also a way for me to improve myself. This wasn’t actually a matter of suffering, but something really beneficial for me. I used to feel exhausted because my mindset was wrong, but when my mindset changed, I no longer felt that I was suffering.

One day, I read more of God’s words: “How people do their duties in God’s house is completely different from how things are done among nonbelievers. What is the difference? Brothers and sisters read God’s word together and are connected in spirit. They are able to live in harmony with one another and tell one another what is truly on their mind. They are able to simply and openly fellowship the truth with one another, enjoy God’s word, and help one another. Whoever has difficulties, they seek the truth together to resolve the matter, they can achieve unity in spirit, and they can submit before the truth and before God. Nonbelievers are different. They all have their own secrets, they do not communicate openly, they are guarded against each other, and they even scheme and vie against one another. Ultimately, they part ways on bad terms and follow their own paths” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. On Harmonious Cooperation). From God’s words, I came to understand that to achieve good results in our duties in the house of God, we must cooperate with one heart and mind. I should set aside my selfish desires and prioritize the work of God’s house, and no matter whose work encounters problems, we should seek solutions together, so that we can more easily gain the work of the Holy Spirit and raise the efficiency of our duties. Just as the Lord Jesus said: “Again I say to you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of My Father which is in heaven” (Matthew 18:19). Everyone has shortcomings and lacks understanding, ability, or clarity in some matters, and no work can be accomplished by one person alone. We need to cooperate harmoniously and bring out each person’s strengths and skills. Only in this way can we do our duties well. The work of God’s house is a collective effort, and no matter which item of the work encounters problems, everyone needs to cooperate on a resolution. Understanding this, I no longer felt resistant participating in the overall work. Later, when doing our duties, we all focused on harmonious cooperation, and when we encountered matters we were unclear on or didn’t comprehend in the work, we actively brought them up for discussion and communication. Through such actual cooperation, I gained a more comprehensive view of problems, I felt much less pressure in my duty, and problems could also be resolved more quickly.

A couple of weeks later, the results of the gospel work were still not good, so we wanted to gather together for fellowship and analysis. I thought, “The issues in gospel work can’t be fully clarified in just a few words. We’ll need to review each church’s work reports and then understand the problems and difficulties the brothers and sisters face in preaching the gospel to be able to resolve them. But I still have several letters to reply to, and discussing gospel work will take a lot of time, and it will delay my own tasks.” Thinking of all these things, I felt somewhat reluctant to participate. At that moment, I realized I was revealing selfishness again. So I turned to God’s words. Almighty God says: “No matter how large or small the task, no matter who assigns you that task, whether God’s house entrusts you with it or a church leader or worker assigns it to you, your attitude should be: ‘Since this duty has been assigned to me, it is God’s exaltation and grace. I should do it well according to the truth principles. Despite having average caliber, I’m willing to take on this responsibility and give it all I have to do it well. If I do a poor job, I should take responsibility for it, and if I do a good job, this isn’t a credit to me. This is what I ought to do.’ Why do I say that how one treats one’s duty is a matter of principle? If you really have a sense of responsibility and are a responsible person, then you will be able to shoulder the church’s work and fulfill the duty you are supposed to” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (8)). From God’s words, I came to realize that a leader who is up to standard must first have a sense of responsibility, and that they must prioritize the interests of God’s house. Although this work was primarily the responsibility of my partner, it concerned whether the church’s gospel work could progress smoothly. As a leader, I was partly responsible for this, and I couldn’t just consider my own interests—that would be utterly lacking in humanity. I had to prioritize properly and set aside my own interests. I realized that my own tasks could in fact be postponed, and so I took the initiative to participate in this analysis and discussion. When something wasn’t fully understood in the discussion, I took the initiative to communicate further, and in the process of cooperation, I saw God’s guidance. I also found some methods and paths to resolve the problems, and I felt a great sense of ease in my heart.

By experiencing such a revelation, I gained some discernment of my selfish and despicable satanic disposition. In the past, I didn’t think selfishness was really a big deal, but now, through the exposure of God’s words, I see clearly that when people live by their selfish and despicable corrupt disposition, they become increasingly devoid of humanity, lacking in conscience and reason, and they won’t achieve good results in their duties. Only by living by God’s words, practicing the truth, and acting according to principles can one live out a human likeness. Only then can one have true peace and ease in their heart. Thank God for allowing me to attain these understandings and gains!