We’ve just fellowshipped on two criteria concerning how to judge whether someone is able to fulfill their responsibilities in marriage. Can you remember what they are? (Yes.) These two criteria relate to the quality of people’s humanity. One criterion is to look at whether they perform their duty conscientiously and responsibly, and whether they can safeguard church work and the interests of God’s house. You may not be able to judge some people clearly just by looking at them; they may be able to perform their duty and safeguard church work in order to pursue status or when they have status, but what they’ll be like when they no longer have status is something you haven’t yet seen clearly. At this time, there is no way you can make an accurate judgment of them. However, when you see them making a scene, cursing God and blaspheming against God when they lose their status, saying that God is not righteous, that is when you’ll have discernment of them, and will think, “This guy doesn’t have a God-fearing heart at all. Luckily he’s shown his true colors in time. If he hadn’t, then I would’ve chosen him to be my partner in marriage.” You see, the other criterion for choosing a partner—whether they have a God-fearing heart—is also key. If you judge and measure people using this criterion then it will save you from that nightmare of a marriage. Are these two criteria for choosing a partner important? (Yes.) Do you understand them? (Yes.) See, some women are very much in love with money. When they start dating a man, they come across as very gentle and sensible, and the man thinks, “This woman’s adorable! She’s like a little bird, snuggling up against me all day and stuck to me like glue. She is exactly the kind of woman a man dreams of and pursues. A man needs a woman like this, someone who speaks gently, who depends on her man, and who really makes her man feel needed. With a woman like this attached to me and by my side, life will be so happy.” So, they get married, but then he sees that she believes in God but doesn’t try hard to pursue the truth. Whenever he mentions performing her duty, she says she has no time, she’s always finding excuses and saying she’s tired, and is unwilling to suffer anything. At home, she doesn’t cook or clean but just watches TV all the time; when she sees that someone’s bought a designer bag, or that someone’s family is living in a luxurious mansion and they’ve bought an expensive car, she remarks on how capable the man in that family must be; she usually spends extravagantly, and whenever she goes to a gold store, jewelry store, or luxury goods store, she always wants to spend money and buy nice things. You don’t understand it and think, “She used to be so adorable. How can she have become this kind of woman?” You see? She’s changed, right? When you were dating before, she was able to perform her duty and suffer a tiny bit, but that was all on the surface. Now that you’re married, she’s not like that anymore. She sees that you’re unable to meet her material demands and starts blaming you, saying, “Why aren’t you out making money? What’s the use of believing in God and performing your duty? Can believing in God put food on the table? Can believing in God make you rich?” She even says things an unbeliever would say—does this woman truly believe in God? (No.) She never wants to perform her duty, she thinks nothing of faith in God, pursuing the truth, or seeking to attain salvation, until finally she says even extremely rebellious things and has no God-fearing heart whatsoever. So, what is it that this woman thinks about all the time? (Food, clothing, and fun.) All she thinks about is money and physical pleasures, that’s all. She is a money-loving thing of the world. If you marry her and she obstructs your faith in God and encourages you to give up your duty and pursue worldly things, what will you do? You still want to pursue the truth and attain salvation, but if you follow her then you won’t be able to attain salvation. If you don’t follow her, she’ll argue with you and divorce you. And after you’re divorced, you’ll live alone with no partner—will you be able to overcome this? If you’d never had a partner, then that would be fine, but you’ve now been with your partner for many years and are used to living with her. Suddenly you find yourself divorced with no partner anymore—can you overcome this? It’s not easy to overcome, right? Regardless of whether it is in terms of your life needs, emotional needs, or your inner spiritual world, you can’t overcome it. The way you live your life has changed from how it was before to another way, and the pattern, rhythm and way of life you had before have been totally thrown into chaos. What kind of marriage did you have? What has this marriage brought you? Happiness or disaster? (Disaster.) It brought disaster. Therefore, if you don’t know how to judge people and you take people’s measure without basing it on correct principles and God’s words, then you must do your best to not engage in casual dating or entertain any ideas or have any plans to date, marry, or enter into marriage. That’s because, nowadays, the enticement of the wicked trends of this world for people is too great, and every single person faces many temptations and faces all kinds of them in life; no one is able to overcome them, and even if you pursue the truth, you will still find them difficult to overcome. If you pursue the truth and attain understanding of the truth and gain the truth, then you’ll be able to overcome them. However, before you have understood and gained the truth, temptation will always be tempting to you, and it will always be a danger to you. Moreover, there is a critical issue for you, and that is that you don’t know how to judge people and you aren’t able to see people’s essence clearly—this is the most critical issue. What do you know how to judge only? Men only know how to judge whether the woman is pretty, whether she’s been to college, whether her family’s rich, whether she can dress up nicely, whether she knows how to be romantic, and whether she can be affectionate. In more detail, men can get to know whether the woman will be a good wife and mother, whether she can teach their children well in the future, and whether she can run the home. These are the things men know how to judge at most. And what can women judge about men? They can judge whether the man knows how to be romantic, whether he is capable, whether he fills the family coffers, whether he’s destined to be rich or poor, and whether he has any tricks for getting along in the world. On a better level, women can judge whether the man is able to suffer, whether he can manage the family well, whether she will be able to eat and dress well if she gets with him, what his family background’s like, whether his family’s well-off, whether they own a house, a car, and a business, whether they’re in business or are farmers or laborers, what his family’s current economic circumstances are, and whether his parents have put money aside for him to get married. These are the things women get to know at most. As to what the potential suitor’s humanity essence is like, or what choice they’ll make regarding the path of belief in God, are you able to see these things clearly? (No.) To be more precise, is this person capable of following an antichrist’s path? Are they evil? Judging by the summary of the outpourings and expressions of their humanity’s quality, are they someone who pursues the truth or are they someone who’s averse to the truth? Are they capable of following the path in pursuit of the truth? Are they capable of attaining salvation? And if you marry them, will you both be able to enter the kingdom as husband and wife? You can’t see these things clearly, can you? Some people say, “Why do we need to see these things clearly? There are so many married people in the world. They can’t see these things clearly, either, but they still get on with their lives, don’t they?” Many people do not see marriage clearly. If you encounter a good person who lives decently and with whom you can spend your life with no great upsets or highs and lows, and with whom there is no great suffering, then this can be considered a good life and a good marriage. Some people, however, don’t see others clearly and focus only on how the other person looks and what status they have. They get sweet-talked, and it’s only after they’re married that they discover their partner is an evil person, a devil, and that every day spent living with that kind of person is like a year. Women often shed tears, while men are also greatly deceived and victimized, resulting in divorce after a few years. Some married couples get divorced when their children are three or four years old or in their teens, and some even have grandchildren when they find they can’t stand to live together anymore, and so they get divorced. What do these people say in the end? “Marriage is a grave,” and “Marriage is a crematorium.” So, was the mistake on the part of the women or the men that brought about this result? Both made mistakes, and neither were any good. They don’t know what the nature of marriage or married life is. The nature of marriage is to take responsibility for each other, to enter into real life and support each other. This depends on the normal^[a] humanity of both partners so that they can make it happily and stably to old age and stay together till the end. And what is the nature of married life? It also depends on the normal^[b] humanity of both partners, and only in this way can they live peacefully, settled and happy. Both partners must take responsibility for each other, and only then can they finally live hand-in-hand through old age till the end. That’s not entering the kingdom, however; it’s not easy for a married couple to enter the kingdom together. Even if they can’t enter the kingdom, for a married couple to finally live hand-in-hand until old age at the very least requires them to have conscience and reason, with humanity that is up to standard. Isn’t this so? (It is.) Does fellowshipping in this way cause you to have more faith in marriage or less, or does it cause you to have the correct attitude and view? (It causes us to have the correct attitude and view.) Fellowshipping in this way has nothing to do with having more or less faith, right? I’m talking about letting go of various fantasies about marriage not to make you give up on or reject marriage, but rather so that you can take the correct and rational approach to this matter. More precisely, it’s so that you can consider, approach, and resolve this matter according to God’s words. It’s not so that you completely stop thinking about marriage—not thinking is not the same as letting go. True letting go means having the correct and accurate thoughts and views. Now, by fellowshipping in this way, haven’t you already let go of some of your various fantasies about marriage? (Yes.) Do you fear marriage more now, or do you yearn for it more? None of these are the case, actually. There’s no need to fear it or yearn for it that much. If you’re now single and you say, “I want to pursue the truth and expend myself for God. I’m not thinking about marriage right now and I have no plans to get married, so I’ll let marriage be a blank space in my heart, I’ll let it be a blank page,” is this view correct? (No, God is fellowshipping this truth to us because we need to equip ourselves with it, understand it, and put it into practice. We should also act according to what God says, view people and things, and comport ourselves and act, wholly according to God’s words, with the truth as our criterion. Whether we’re considering marriage right now or not, we still have to understand this truth, and only then will we avoid making a mistake.) Is this understanding correct? (Yes.)

Is there now anyone who says, “We’re single and the world of the unbelievers says that it’s noble to be single, so can we not say that in God’s house single people are holy and married people are unclean?” Is there anyone who says things like this? There are some married people who always have a misconception in their understanding of marriage. They believe that their thoughts after they get married are not as pure or simple or clean as they were before, that their thoughts get complicated after they marry, and in particular that married people have relations with the opposite sex and are no longer holy. And so, after accepting God’s work, they resolutely tell their partner, “I have accepted God’s work, and from this day on, I must pursue holiness. I can’t sleep with you anymore. You must sleep on your own, and I must go sleep in another room.” From then on, they sleep apart and their partner sleeps alone, but they still live together. What are people like this pursuing? They’re pursuing a kind of holiness of the flesh. Isn’t this a misunderstanding of marriage? (Yes.) Is this misunderstanding easy to resolve? There are some married people who believe that they’re no longer holy after having relations with the opposite sex. The underlying meaning here is that if they do not have relations with the opposite sex, if they leave their marriage and get divorced, then they will become holy. If that is how someone becomes holy, wouldn’t that mean that unmarried people are even more holy? With such distorted understandings, the choices or actions people make cause their partners to feel baffled and angry. Some unbelieving husbands or wives misunderstand and develop an aversion to faith, and there are some who even speak blasphemously about God. Tell Me, is it right, what these people in pursuit of “holiness” do? (No, it isn’t.) Why not? First of all, there is a problem with their thinking. What problem is that? (They misunderstand God’s words.) First, their views on marriage are distorted; second, their definitions and understandings of holiness and uncleanness are distorted. They believe that not having relations with the opposite sex makes one holy, so then what is uncleanness? What is holiness? Does holiness mean being without corrupt dispositions? When someone gains the truth and their disposition changes, they then have no corrupt dispositions anymore. Does someone who has not had relations with the opposite sex have no corrupt dispositions? Do people’s corrupt dispositions only arise when they have relations with the opposite sex? (No.) Clearly, this understanding is wrong. Once you are married and have relations with the opposite sex, your corrupt dispositions don’t get any worse, but remain just as they were before. If you aren’t married and haven’t had relations with the opposite sex, do you have any corrupt dispositions? You have many. Therefore, whether man or woman, whether such a person has corrupt dispositions is not measured based on their marital status, on whether they’re married or whether they’ve had relations with the opposite sex. Why do people who think and act this way have this kind of misconception about marriage? Why do they act this way? Isn’t this a problem that should be solved? (It is.) Can you solve it? Someone only needs to come into contact with the opposite sex and have relations with them and then they’re unclean and utterly corrupted—is that so? (No.) If it were so, then God’s ordaining the union of man and woman would be a mistake. So, how can we solve this problem? What is the source of this problem? This problem can be solved by dissecting and understanding its source. Don’t you also have this view? Doesn’t everyone, whether married or unmarried, have this view on marriage? (Yes.) I know you can’t get away from this problem. So, what is the source of this view? (People aren’t clear on what holiness is and what uncleanness is.) And what is the source of people’s not knowing what holiness is and what uncleanness is? (People aren’t able to purely comprehend God’s words or understand the truth.) What aspect of God’s words are they not able to purely comprehend? (Marriage is something people should normally experience in their lives and it is also ordained by God, yet people link getting married and having relations with the opposite sex with whether they are holy or not, when really being holy means that someone is without corrupt dispositions, and it has nothing to do with whether they’re married or not. Take the nuns in the Catholic church for example. If they don’t accept God’s work of the last days and they don’t understand the truth, then even though they spend their whole lives unmarried, they still cannot be said to be holy, because their corrupt dispositions have not been resolved.) Does this explain the matter clearly? Does the distinction between holiness and uncleanness lie in whether someone is married or not? (No.) No, it doesn’t, and there is substantial evidence to prove it. For example, the mentally disabled, the cretinous, the mentally ill, Catholic nuns, Buddhist nuns, and Buddhist monks are all unmarried, but are they holy? (No.) People who are mentally disabled, idiots, and the mentally ill don’t possess normal sense; they can’t get married, no man among them finds a wife, and no woman among them finds a husband, and they’re not holy. Catholic nuns, Buddhist nuns, and Buddhist monks, along with some other special groups don’t get married, and they’re not holy either. What does “not holy” mean? I mean they are unclean. What does “unclean” mean? (They have corrupt dispositions.) Correct, it means they have corrupt dispositions. All these unmarried people have corrupt dispositions and none of them are holy. So, what about married people? Is there any difference in essence between those who are married and these unmarried people? (No.) In terms of essence, there is no difference between them. What do I mean by saying there is no difference between them? (They have all been corrupted by Satan and they all have corrupt dispositions.) That’s right, they’ve all been corrupted by Satan and they all have corrupt dispositions. They’re not able to submit to God or the truth, and they can’t follow the path of fearing God and shunning evil. They’re not commended by God, they are not saved, and they’re all unclean. So, whether someone is holy or unclean cannot be measured by whether they’re married or not. Why then do people have this kind of misconception about marriage, believing that people who get married are not holy, that they are unclean? What is the focus of this misconception? (Their views on marriage are distorted.) Is it that their views on marriage and married life are distorted, or that their views on something else are distorted? Can anyone explain this clearly? As we said before, any marriage will eventually return to real life. So, is this married life the source of what people believe to be unclean? (No.) It’s not the source of what people believe to be unclean. The source in people’s thoughts of what they believe to be unclean is actually known to them in their minds and innermost hearts: It is their sexual desire, and this is where the misconception lies. The definition and distinction of a person as holy or unclean based on whether they’re married or unmarried is a misunderstanding and a misconception, and the source of this is the fallacious and incorrect understanding people have toward their sexual desire of the flesh. Why do I say this understanding is fallacious? People believe that once they feel sexual desire and get married then they have relations with the opposite sex and that, once they have relations with the opposite sex, they then start living the so-called life of sexual desire of the flesh, and they are then unclean. Isn’t this what they believe? (Yes, it is.)

So, let’s discuss exactly what kind of thing sexual desire is. As long as you comprehend it correctly and have an accurate, correct, and objective comprehension and understanding of it, then you will unravel this problem and this misconception of uncleanness and holiness. Isn’t that so? Once people get married, they have their sexual desire satisfied and they give expression to their sexual and physical desires, and so they think, “We married people are not holy, we’re unclean. Those young single men and women are holy.” This is clearly a distorted understanding, which comes from not knowing exactly what sexual desire is. Now let’s look at the very first human being: Did Adam have sexual desire? The mankind God has created is possessed of thought, language, sense perception, as well as free will and emotional needs. What does “emotional needs” mean? It means that people need a partner to keep them company and to support them, to have a partner to talk to, someone to care for, look after, and cherish them—these are emotional needs. Another aspect is that people also have sexual desire. What is the basis for saying this? It is that, after God created Adam, God said he needed a partner, a partner only for his life needs and emotional needs. But there was another need as well that God spoke of. What did God say? Genesis, chapter 2, verse 24: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall join to his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” The meaning of these words is very clear; we don’t need to be so blunt about it. You understand these words, right? Obviously, when God created Adam, the ancestor of mankind, Adam had this need. Of course, this is an objective interpretation. More importantly, when God created him, he had this sensory organ, and he had these physiological conditions and characteristics—this was the actual situation of Adam, the first ancestor of mankind created by God, who was the first human being of the flesh. He was possessed of language, he could hear, he could see, he could taste, and he had sensory organs, emotional needs, sexual desire, physiological needs, and of course he had free will, as we said just now. These things together constitute a human being created by God. Is this not the actual situation? (It is.) This is the physiological structure of men. What about women? God created a physiological structure for women different to that for men, and of course created the same sexual desire as that of men. What is the basis for saying this? In Genesis, chapter 3, verse 16, God said: “I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; in sorrow you shall bring forth children.” Where do the children mentioned in this “bring forth children” come from? Say there is a woman who doesn’t possess this kind of physiological need, or more precisely, she does not possess the needs of female sexual desire—would she be able to conceive? No, and this is very clear. So now, looking at these two lines from God, the men and women God created have different physiological structures, yet they both share the common physiological characteristic of sexual desire. This is confirmed by these deeds done by God and the message between the lines of the instructions given to human beings. The human beings created by God possess physiological structures and also possess the needs of their physiological structures. So, how should we regard this matter now? This thing called sexual desire is a part of the flesh, like a human organ. For example, you eat breakfast at six in the morning, and by midday all that food has more or less been digested and your stomach is empty. The stomach transmits this information to the brain, and the brain tells you, “Your stomach is empty; time to eat.” What is this feeling in the stomach? It feels a little empty and uncomfortable, and you want to eat something. And how does this feeling of wanting to eat something come about? It’s the result of the operation and metabolism of your entire nervous system and your organs—it’s that simple. Sexual desire has the same nature as any other bodily organ; every organ is associated with the nervous system, which sends commands to your various organs. For example, your nose smells odors, and when it smells a foul odor this odor enters your nervous system, and the nervous system tells your brain, “This odor is foul, it is not a nice smell.” It passes this information on to you, and then you immediately cover your nose or wave your hand before your nose—there is this series of movements. You see, this series of movements and actions, and this kind of feeling and awareness are all commanded by certain organs and the nervous system in your body. For example, you hear an incredibly loud, ear-piercing sound, and after your ears have received this information, you feel upset or repulsed, and you cover your ears. Actually, all that has been received by your ears is a sound, a piece of information, but the brain distinguishes whether this sound is beneficial to you or not. If it has no major effect on you, you just hear it and discern it, and then it goes without you paying it much notice; if it has a negative effect on your heart or body, your brain will distinguish this and will then tell you to cover your ears or open your mouth wide—a series of actions and thoughts such as these will take place. Human sexual desire is just the same, with corresponding organs that have different judgments and interpretations under the control of corresponding nerves. Human sexual desire is just such a simple thing as this. This thing is at the same level and equivalent to any other organ in the human body, but it has its own particularity, and that’s why people will always have various different ideas, views, or thoughts about it. So, by fellowshipping in this way, shouldn’t you now have the correct understanding? (Yes.) Human sexual desire is nothing mysterious; it was created by God and it has existed ever since humans came to be. Because it was ordained by God and created by God, it cannot become a negative thing or an unclean thing just because people have all manner of misunderstandings and notions about it. It’s just the same as any other human sensory organ; it exists within the human body and, if it is within a proper marriage arranged and ordained by God, then it is a reasonable thing. If, however, people indulge in it or misuse it, then it becomes a negative thing. Of course, sexual desire itself is not negative, but the people who use it or those thoughts are negative. For example, love triangles, promiscuity, incest, as well as rape and sexual assault and so on—these things that are related to sexual desire become negative things and have nothing to do with the original sexual desire of human flesh. Sexual desire of the flesh is the same as a physical organ: It was created by God. However, because of the wickedness and corruption of mankind, all manner of wicked things related to sexual desire occur, and then it has nothing to do with proper and normal sexual desire—these are matters of two different natures. Isn’t that so? (Yes.) Love triangles, extra-marital affairs, as well as incest and sexual assault—these are all wicked things related to sexual desire that occur amongst corrupt mankind. These things have nothing to do with proper sexual desire and marriage; they are unclean, improper, and they are not positive things. Do you now see this clearly? (Yes.)

Through fellowshipping in this way, can you now clearly comprehend those distorted understandings and actions of married people, and discern the rights and wrongs of them? (Yes.) When you encounter someone new to the faith who says, “We’ve accepted God’s work, so do we as a married couple have to live separately?” what will you say? (We will say no.) You may ask them, “Why do you need to live separately? Have you had an argument? Is one of you snoring so loudly that the other is losing sleep? If so, then that’s your problem and you can live separately. If it’s for some other reason, then no, there’s no need.” Someone else says, “Oh, we’ve lived together as a married couple for almost forty years. We’ve grown old, our children are all grown up, so should we sleep in separate beds? We shouldn’t sleep together anymore, our children will laugh at us. We should keep our integrity in old age.” Is this a tenable thing to say? (No.) No, it isn’t. They want to keep their integrity in old age; what kind of thing is this integrity? What were they doing when they were young? Aren’t they just pretending? Aren’t people like this disgusting? (Yes.) When you encounter such people, say to them, “We don’t say such things in our belief in God, nor does God’s house have such requirements or rules. You’ll learn this in time. You can live however you want to live; that’s your business, and it has nothing to do with faith in God or pursuing the truth, nor anything to do with attaining salvation. You don’t need to ask about these things, nor do you need to sacrifice anything for them.” Isn’t the matter then resolved? (Yes.) The issue of human sexual desire in marriage is then resolved—the greatest difficulty is overcome. Are you all clear on this by fellowshipping in this way? Do you still think that sexual desire is mysterious? (No.) Do you still think sexual desire is unclean or dirty? (No.) With regard to sexual desire, it is not unclean and it is not dirty; it is something proper. However, if people play with it, then it is no longer proper, and it becomes a different thing altogether. In any case, after fellowshipping in this way, aren’t people’s various realistic and unrealistic fantasies about marriage resolved? (Yes.) After fellowshipping on the definitions and concepts of marriage, your warped and distorted pursuits, ideals, and desires concerning marriage have basically been let go of to some extent in your minds. Those that are left will require you to gradually identify them in yourselves and go on to gradually experience and learn through your personal practice in real life. Of course, the most important thing is that people should have the correct understanding and perspective on marriage itself—this is very important. Whether you’re planning on getting married in the future or not, your attitude toward and perspective on marriage will influence your pursuit of the truth, and that’s why you must read God’s words on the subject in detail, and finally achieve the correct perspective and understanding of marriage, which at the very least should accord with the truth. Once we’ve finished fellowshipping on this matter, won’t your knowledge be broadened? (Yes.) You won’t be so childish and narrow-minded anymore, right? When you discuss this matter with people in the future, they’ll see that you look young yet you have understanding of it, and they’ll ask, “How long have you been married?” You’ll reply, “I’m not married yet.” They’ll say, “Then how come you have such an adult understanding of marriage, like your understanding is more mature even than that of adults?” You’ll reply, “I understand truth, and there is a basis for these truths I understand. If you don’t believe me, I’ll get my Bible and show you the situation when God created Adam, and you’ll see whether what I say is accurate or not.” In the end, you convince them in heart, and that’s because everything you say stems from your pure understanding and comprehension, without any adulteration by human imaginings or notions or any distorted human views—everything you say accords with the truth and with God’s words.

Footnotes:

a. The original text does not contain the word “normal.”

b. The original text does not contain the word “normal.”