197 I Am Resolved to Seek to Love God
1 I used to think that working hard for God meant loving Him. Though hunted by the CCP, I never shrank back. My family rejected me and the world slandered me, yet I remained willing to devote the years of my youth to God with neither complaint nor regret. As long as I could be raised up into the kingdom of heaven and rewarded, it was worth any amount of suffering and any number of tears. When trials befell and exposed my ugliness, I became negative and weak, and wept bitter tears. Reflecting upon the path I’d taken in my belief in God, I finally realized that without the reality of the truth, I would be unable to stand firm.
2 God’s words revealed to me the corrupt essence of mankind, and only then did I see the depth of my own corruption. I only ever toiled and worked with the expectation of something in return from God; I never actually loved Him, but instead just tried to cheat Him out of blessings. I was so selfish and deceitful, and I lost my humanity, but God still used His words to judge and cleanse me. I fall before God in regret for my actions, feeling quite unworthy of His love. I am resolved to seek to love God and be considerate of His will; no longer will I make plans or take any thought to my future or my fate!
3 Undergoing trials and tribulations perfects my faith. I see that the onset of trials really is a blessing from God. Though my flesh may suffer, I taste of the reality of God’s love; by practicing the truth, my corruption is being cleansed. Today I am so blessed to be able to love God and bear witness to Him. I wish to emulate Peter, and seek to love God more deeply. I am certain that Christ is the truth, the way, and the life. If I can understand the truth and know God, then this life will not have been lived in vain. Submitting to God’s arrangements will never be a mistake. Eternal love and submission to God is my duty.