I Find the Path to Knowing God
By Xiaocao, Shanxi Province One day, I saw the following passage of God’s words in the piece “How Peter Came to Know Jesus”: “During the...
I work as a preacher in the church and am responsible for the work of several churches. One night in January 2024, Sister Liu Min forwarded me a document about expelling the Judas Zhang and told me, “Zhang sold out many leaders and workers after she was arrested. She sold you out as well. You have to be careful.” When I heard this, I felt a little nervous and thought, “Zhang sold me out, and now I’ve become a target, pursued by the CCP. I might get arrested someday, so I really have to be careful!”
One day in April, I received another letter from a co-worker, which said, “After being arrested, Yu also turned Judas and betrayed you, but I don’t know if she identified your photograph. You have to be careful.” When I heard this, I became even more worried, and thought, “If the CCP police have my photo and even ask a Judas to identify me, then my situation really is too dangerous! Now there are high-definition cameras everywhere, as well as drone surveillance. I’ll be monitored wherever I go, and I’ll be arrested sooner or later! When the police catch leaders and workers, they persecute them to the point of death. If I get arrested and can’t stand up to torture, turning Judas or being beaten to death, then won’t my belief have been in vain?” The more I thought about it, the more scared I became. I felt that being a leader or worker was too dangerous. At that time, the gospel work in the churches that I was responsible for was not bearing results. I wanted to go and find out why the work was not yielding results, but then I thought about how I was being pursued by the CCP, and the environments of the churches I was responsible for were not good. If I were monitored by the CCP on my way there, I could be arrested at any time. When I thought about this, I didn’t dare go. At that time, many brothers and sisters lived in fear and timidity, and were passive in doing their duties. In particular, the gospel work showed no improvement. Although I kept writing letters to follow up on the work, there was not much progress.
One evening, I received a letter from the upper leaders. It said, “The gospel work in some churches is not yielding any results. As a preacher, you should go to the churches to understand the situation in person, discover problems, and resolve them.” When I read this, I felt a little resistant, and thought, “All of the churches I’m responsible for are in bad environments. It’s a bit too dangerous for me to go there in person. Besides, arresting leaders and workers is the CCP’s goal. If I get arrested, I might even lose my life. I’d better not go anywhere. I should just hide away and write letters to follow up on the work. This approach is less dangerous.” When I thought this, I felt unsettled inside. The gospel work in the churches I was responsible for had basically stagnated, and I needed to go there immediately to resolve it. But I was afraid of getting caught, so I didn’t dare to go. What could I do? I lived in worry and anxiety. The next day, I received another letter from the upper leaders. It said, “The churches you are responsible for have had slow progress recently in the various items of work. The brothers and sisters are living in timidity and are very passive in doing their duties. You should go and take a look.” After reading the letter from the leaders, I knew I should go to the churches and actually resolve the problems. But I then thought about how some time ago, a leader was beaten to death by the police three days after being arrested, and I grew timid inside. I even wanted to do an ordinary duty where I wouldn’t have to take such a big risk. I realized that my state was wrong, and searched for words of God to resolve it.
During my morning devotionals, I read a passage of God’s words cited in an experiential testimony video, which was very helpful to me. Almighty God says: “When people are unable to see through to, understand, accept, or submit to the environments that God orchestrates and His sovereignty, and when people face various difficulties in their daily lives, or when these difficulties exceed what normal people can bear, they subconsciously feel all kinds of worry and anxiety, and even distress. They don’t know what tomorrow will be like, or the day after, or how things will be in a few years’ time, or what their future will be like, and so they feel distressed, anxious, and worried about all manner of things. What is the context in which people feel distressed, anxious, and worried about all manner of things? It is that they don’t believe in the sovereignty of God—that is, they are unable to believe in and see through to God’s sovereignty. Even if they saw it with their own eyes, they wouldn’t understand it, or believe it. They don’t believe that God holds sovereignty over their fate, they don’t believe that their lives are in God’s hands, and so distrust arises in their hearts toward God’s sovereignty and arrangements, and then blame arises, and they are unable to submit” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). “If people pursue the truth, they won’t get caught up in these difficulties and sink into the negative emotions of distress, anxiety, and worry. Conversely, if people don’t pursue the truth, these difficulties are present in them just the same, and what will the outcome be? They will entangle you so that you’re unable to escape, and if you’re not able to resolve them, they will ultimately become negative emotions that tie themselves into knots in your innermost heart; they will affect your normal life and the normal performance of your duties, and they will make you feel oppressed and unable to find release—this is the outcome they will have on you” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). From God’s words I understood that my fear of being arrested and beaten to death was actually due to a lack of understanding of God’s almightiness and sovereignty: I didn’t believe that everything is under God’s sovereignty. Because I had been sold out by a Judas, I was now a target of the CCP. I was afraid that if I got arrested and couldn’t endure the torture, turning Judas or being beaten to death, I’d lose my chance to be saved. So I didn’t dare go to the churches to resolve the problems. I was unwilling to submit to the environment that God had orchestrated for me. I even complained that doing the duties of leaders and workers was too dangerous, and wanted to do an ordinary duty that didn’t involve any great risks. I had no understanding of God’s sovereignty at all.
I then read more of God’s words: “Besides considering their own safety, what do certain antichrists also think about? They say, ‘Right now, our environment is unfavorable, so let’s show our faces less and preach the gospel less. That way, we’re less likely to be caught, and the church’s work won’t be destroyed. If we avoid getting caught, we won’t turn Judas, and then we’ll be able to remain in the future, won’t we?’ Aren’t there antichrists who use such excuses to mislead their brothers and sisters? Some antichrists are very afraid of death and drag out ignoble existences; they also like reputation and status, and are willing to take on leadership roles. Even though they know that, ‘The work of a leader isn’t easy to shoulder—if the great red dragon finds out that I’ve been made a leader, I’ll become famous, and I might get put on a wanted list, and as soon as I’m caught my life will be in danger,’ for the sake of indulging in the benefits of this status, they disregard these dangers. When they serve as leaders, they only indulge in their fleshly enjoyment, and they do not engage in actual work. Apart from engaging in a bit of correspondence with various churches, they don’t do anything else. They hide in some place and don’t meet with anyone, keeping themselves sealed away, and the brothers and sisters don’t know who their leader is—that is the degree to which they are afraid. So, isn’t it correct to say that they are leaders in name only? (Yes.) They don’t engage in any actual work as leaders; they only care about hiding themselves. When others ask them, ‘How is it being a leader?’ they will say, ‘I’m incredibly busy, and for the sake of safety, I have to keep moving house. This environment is so unsettling that I can’t focus on my work.’ They always feel like many eyes are watching them, and don’t know where’s safe to hide. Apart from wearing disguises, hiding themselves in different places, and not staying in one location, they don’t do any actual work every day. Do such leaders exist? (Yes.) What principles do they follow? These people say, ‘A crafty rabbit has three burrows. In order for a rabbit to guard against a predator’s attack, it has to prepare three burrows to hide itself in. If a person encounters danger and has to escape, but they have nowhere to hide, is that acceptable? We must learn from rabbits! God’s created animals have this survival ability, and people should learn from them.’ Since taking on leadership roles, they have come to realize this doctrine, and even believe that they have understood the truth. In reality, they are terribly frightened. As soon as they hear about a leader who got reported to the police because the place they lived in was unsafe, or about a leader who was targeted by the great red dragon’s spies because they went out too often to do their duty and interacted with too many people, and how these people ended up getting arrested and sentenced, they immediately become frightened. They think, ‘Oh no, will I be the next one to be arrested? I must learn from this. I shouldn’t be too active. If I can avoid doing some of the church’s work, I won’t do it. If I can avoid showing my face, I won’t do it. I’ll minimize my work as much as possible, avoid going out, avoid interacting with anyone, and ensure that nobody knows I’m a leader. These days, who can afford to care about anyone else? Just staying alive is already a challenge!’ Since taking on the role of a leader, apart from carrying a bag and hiding, they don’t do any work. They live on tenterhooks, in constant fear of being caught and sentenced. Suppose that they hear someone say, ‘If you get caught, you’ll be killed! If you weren’t a leader, if you were just an ordinary believer, you might be let out after just paying a little fine, but since you’re a leader, it’s hard to say. It’s too dangerous! Some leaders or workers who got caught refused to give up any information and were beaten to death by the police.’ Once they hear about someone being beaten to death, their fear intensifies, and they become even more afraid to work. Every day, all they think about is how to avoid getting caught, how to avoid showing their faces, how to avoid being monitored, and how to avoid contact with their brothers and sisters. They rack their brains thinking about these things and completely forget about their duties. Are these loyal people? Can people like this handle any work? (No, they can’t.)” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Two)). God’s words exposed that antichrists are only concerned with protecting themselves when danger arises. They only consider keeping themselves out of harm’s way, and don’t think about the church’s interests at all. Their nature is selfish and despicable. I realized that my own behavior was just as selfish as that of an antichrist. I was well aware that the various items of work in the churches I was responsible for were progressing slowly, and the brothers and sisters were living in fear and timidity. Merely writing letters to follow up was not yielding any results at all. I had to immediately go to the churches and resolve these problems. But I didn’t dare to go because I was afraid of being arrested, and I even complained that the duties of leaders and workers were too dangerous. In particular, when I thought of how a while ago, a leader had been beaten to death by the police three days after being arrested, I became even more afraid of being arrested; I didn’t want to go to the churches to resolve these problems, and even wanted to do a duty that didn’t involve taking any risks. As a leader, I failed to protect the work of the church at the critical moment, and gave no thought to my own duty and responsibilities, showing no loyalty or submission to God at all. God had exalted me to do the duty of a leader; I should have led the brothers and sisters to do their duties well and prepare good deeds. But instead, in order to protect myself, I hid away, clinging shamefully to my own life. I didn’t care if the brothers and sisters lived or died, paid no mind to the interests of the church, and had no loyalty toward my duty. The work of these churches was at a standstill, and I had already left transgressions in my wake by delaying the work. If I didn’t promptly repent, then even if I managed to hide and avoid arrest, I would not have fulfilled my duty or responsibilities. That would be a betrayal of God, and in the end, I would be eliminated and punished by God just like an antichrist.
Later, I read more of God’s words: “Those in power may seem vicious from the outside, but do not be afraid, for this is because you have little faith. As long as your faith grows, nothing will be too difficult. Cheer and jump to your hearts’ content! Everything is beneath your feet and in My grasp. Is accomplishment or destruction not decided by one word of Mine?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 75). “You should not be afraid of this and that; no matter how many difficulties and dangers you might face, you ought to remain steady before Me, unobstructed by any hindrance, so that My will may be carried out unimpeded. This is your duty…. You must endure all; for Me, you must be ready to relinquish everything and follow Me with all your might, and be ready to pay any price. Now is the time that I shall test you: Will you offer your loyalty to Me? Can you loyally follow Me to the end of the road? Be not afraid; with My support, who could ever block this road?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 10). God’s words gave me faith and strength. With God’s support, what did I have to fear? However rampant and vicious the great red dragon may be, it is within God’s sovereignty. It is a service object in God’s hands. Without God’s permission, the police would not be able to arrest me even if I were right under their very noses. Looking back on the years I have followed God, there have been many times when danger came upon me and I almost got arrested. It was God’s wonderful protection that delivered me from danger each and every time. For example, one evening in 2020, two people inspected the house we were renting. Because there were risks to my safety and I couldn’t show them my ID card, they were going to report us. One of the men said fiercely, “Just wait, I’ll go and call the police to arrest you right now!” After saying that, he walked out. My sisters and I seized the opportunity and left quickly. The next morning, ten policemen went to the house. They couldn’t arrest us, so they arrested our nonbelieving landlord instead. I saw that whether I would be arrested or not was up to God. Just as God says: “Without God’s permission, it is difficult for Satan to touch even a drop of water or grain of sand upon the land; without God’s permission, Satan is not even free to move the ants about upon the land, let alone mankind, who was created by God” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique I). If God allowed me to be arrested, this would be with His good intention, and I should submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, standing firm in my testimony to God.
I read another passage of God’s words, and gained a much clearer perspective on death. Almighty God says: “How did those disciples of the Lord Jesus die? Among the disciples, there were those who were stoned, dragged behind a horse, crucified upside down, dismembered by five horses—every sort of death befell them. What was the reason for their deaths? Were they lawfully executed for their crimes? No. They spread the Lord’s gospel, but the people of the world did not accept it, and instead condemned, beat, and scolded them, and even put them to death—that is how they were martyred. … Actually, this was how their bodies died and passed away; this was their means of departure from the human world, yet that did not mean their outcome was the same. No matter what the means of their death and departure was nor how it happened, it was not how God defined the final outcomes of those lives, of those created beings. This is something you must see clearly. On the contrary, they used precisely those means to condemn this world and to testify to God’s deeds. These created beings used their most precious lives—they used the last moment of their lives to testify to God’s deeds, to testify to God’s great power, and to declare to Satan and the world that God’s deeds are right, that the Lord Jesus is God, that He is the Lord, and God’s incarnate flesh. Even down to the final moment of their lives, they never denied the name of the Lord Jesus. Was this not a form of judgment upon this world? They used their lives to proclaim to the world, to confirm to human beings that the Lord Jesus is the Lord, that the Lord Jesus is Christ, that He is God’s incarnate flesh, that the work of redeeming all of humanity He did allows this humanity to live on—this fact is forever unchanging. Those who were martyred for spreading the gospel of the Lord Jesus, to what extent did they perform their duty? Was it to the ultimate extent? How was the ultimate extent manifested? (They offered their lives.) That’s right, they paid the price with their lives” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Preaching the Gospel Is the Duty All Believers Are Bound to Fulfill). God’s words make the meaning of death very clear. The disciples of the Lord Jesus were martyred for propagating the gospel of the Lord. Some were killed by the sword, some were hanged, and some were crucified. They used their lives to bear a beautiful and resounding testimony for God and humiliated Satan. Their deaths were meaningful and valuable, approved of by God. Outwardly, their flesh died, but this was not true death: Their souls are still alive. In God’s work in the last days, many brothers and sisters have also borne testimony of triumphing over Satan. After they were arrested, no matter how the police tortured them, they would rather die than betray God or turn Judas. However, I was afraid of being beaten to death before I had even been arrested, and, like a turtle hiding in its shell, I didn’t dare to do my duty. Where was the testimony in that? The more I thought about it, the more regret and self-reproach I felt. I felt too ashamed to show my face, and I hated myself for being so selfish, despicable, and lacking in humanity. I prayed to God, “Dear God, to preserve myself, I just want to save my own skin—I am living a pathetic life and showing no loyalty or submission to You. You have the final say on whether I will be arrested or not. I am willing to entrust myself completely to Your hands and no longer be constrained by fear of death. I am willing to go to the churches in person to solve real problems and fulfill my duties.” After praying, I felt much more at ease and relaxed.
Afterward, I went to a church. Through my inquiries, I found that the church leaders were afraid that their brothers and sisters would be arrested for preaching the gospel and that they would be held responsible, so they were very passive in following up on the work. We ate, drank, and fellowshipped God’s words in response to this state. The church leaders came to understand that the fact they were afraid of taking responsibility and didn’t do real work stemmed from their selfish and despicable satanic dispositions, and they were willing to turn things around. After that, they began to meet with the team leaders, deacons, and gospel workers, to fellowship about and resolve the problems in the gospel work. We worked together and the work of the church gradually showed signs of improvement. From the bottom of my heart, I thank Almighty God for His revelation and salvation of me!
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