By Martha, Italy

In January 2021, the project I was responsible for was about to wrap up. My brothers and sisters were gradually transferred to other duties, until just a few partners and I were left to finish things up. At the time, I thought that although there wasn’t much work to do, I needed to complete it conscientiously. Surprisingly, one day, I learned that one of my partners had been promoted to be responsible for gospel work. This made me unsettled, and I felt sour about it. “Why haven’t I been promoted? Couldn’t I also be a supervisor?” But then I thought, “Maybe the leaders think she’s a more capable worker, and that’s why she’s been promoted first. Anyway, my work here still isn’t finished—once the work is done, new duties will likely be arranged for us.” But before long, several other partners were also gradually promoted to be supervisors, and some of them even went on to be elected as leaders. Hearing this news made me even more uncomfortable. “They have all become leaders, workers or supervisors, but I haven’t moved at all. I even have to take over everything they were working on, and it looks like I’ll be responsible for all of it until the very end. We’ve all been doing the same work, so why are they all promoted instead of me? Am I really that bad? Now, I am the worst of all of them. Do my leaders think I am not worth cultivating? Do they have some prejudice against me? I really don’t want to take on their work—the more I take on, the less I’ll be able to do other kinds of work. By the time I finish this work, my partners will already be familiar with their work and have mastered some principles. If I am later sent to preach the gospel or water newcomers, and my former partner becomes my supervisor, such a large gap will be very embarrassing!” The more I thought about it, the more aggrieved I felt. When my brothers and sisters asked me to take over their tasks, I was very opposed. I had pent-up anger inside me and didn’t want to do that. For over two days, I didn’t try to learn how to do the tasks they handed off to me. I didn’t care much about my own work, either—I procrastinated with following up on work, and I didn’t think about which problems needed to be solved or how to do things well. The work therefore progressed very slowly. Although I knew I should submit to the arrangements of the church, I felt listless, gloomy, and despondent. I was always unmotivated to do my duty. I became aware that my state was incorrect, so I came before God to pray, asking for His enlightenment and illumination, so that I might come to know myself.

After I prayed, I read a passage of God’s words that gave me some knowledge of my state. God’s words say: “Right now, all of you perform your duties full-time. You are not constrained or tied down by family, marriage, or wealth. You have already emerged from those things. However, the notions, imaginings, knowledge, and personal intents and desires that fill your head remain completely intact. So, when it comes to anything that involves reputation, status, or an opportunity to shine—when you hear that the house of God plans to nurture various kinds of talented individuals, for example—every one of your hearts leaps in anticipation, each of you always wants to make a name for yourself and to step into the spotlight. You all want to fight for status and reputation. You are ashamed of this, but you would feel bad if you don’t do so. You feel envy, hatred, and make complaints whenever you see someone stand out, and think that it is unfair: ‘Why can’t I stand out? Why do other people always get the spotlight? Why is it never my turn?’ And after you feel resentment, you try to repress it, but you cannot. You pray to God and feel better for a while, but when you encounter this sort of situation again, you still cannot overcome it. Is this not a manifestation of an immature stature? When people are caught in such states, have they not fallen into Satan’s trap? These are the shackles of Satan’s corrupt nature that bind humans. … the more you struggle, the darker your heart will become, and the more envy and hatred you will feel, and your desire to obtain these things will only grow stronger. The stronger your desire to obtain them, the less you will be able to obtain them, and as this happens, your hatred will increase. As your hatred increases, you will grow darker inside. The darker you are inside, the worse your performance of your duty will become, and the worse your performance of your duty becomes, the less useful you will be to the house of God. This is an interlinked, vicious cycle. If you never perform your duty well, you will gradually be eliminated” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). God’s word exposed my state. I felt so resistant and unwilling during those days because my desire for status hadn’t been satisfied. When I saw my partners being promoted, my heart was stirred. I hoped I could also be promoted, so that I could gain status and people’s high regard. When I knew my leaders didn’t mean to promote me, and made me take over my partners’ work, I was jealous, and I suspected the leaders were prejudiced against me, or even looked down on me. When I thought of how I was the worst in the eyes of my leaders, and that several of my partners had been promoted to be leaders or supervisors while I had no position at all, I was miserable and defiant. I even vented my anger on my duty. I didn’t show any concern toward the tasks I’d been given and didn’t put my heart into my own work. God was truly disgusted to see me living in this rebellious state! I recalled how before, I had vowed to do my duty well; now, as soon as I saw others being promoted, and my desire for status wasn’t satisfied, I became negative and lost interest in my duty. My desire for status was too strong! I had to quickly seek the truth to resolve my state.

After that, I read some of God’s words on how to view promotion and cultivation, and they enabled me to turn my state around. God’s words say: “If you think yourself fit to be a leader, possessed of the talent, caliber, and humanity for leadership, yet God’s house has not promoted you and the brothers and sisters have not elected you, how should you treat the matter? There is a path of practice here that you can follow. You must thoroughly know yourself. Look to see if what it boils down to is that you have a problem with your humanity, or that the revelation of some aspect of your corrupt disposition repulses people; or whether it is that you do not possess the truth reality and are unconvincing to others, or that the performance of your duty is not up to standard. You must reflect on all these things and see where it is, exactly, that you fall short. After you have reflected for a while and found where your problem is, you must promptly seek the truth to resolve it, and enter the truth reality, and strive to achieve a change and to grow, so that when those around you see it, they will say, ‘These days, he’s been much better than before. He works solidly and takes his profession seriously, and he’s especially focused on the truth principles. He doesn’t do things impetuously or perfunctorily, and he’s more conscientious and responsible about his work. He used to like talking big now and then, and constantly flaunted himself, but now he’s much more low-key and no longer overbearing. Even if he is able to do a few things, he doesn’t boast about it, and when he’s finished something, he repeatedly reflects on it, for fear of doing something wrong. He acts much more cautiously than before, and with a God-fearing heart—and most of all, he can fellowship about the truth to resolve a few problems. Indeed, he’s grown.’ Those around you who have interacted with you for a while find that you have undergone obvious change and growth; in your human life, self-conduct and handling of matters, and in your attitude toward your work, and in your treatment of the truth principles alike, you exert more effort than before, and are rigorous in your speech and acts. The brothers and sisters see all this and take it to heart. Perhaps, then, you will be able to run as a candidate in the next election, and you will have a hope to be elected as a leader. If you can truly do some important duty, you will gain God’s blessing. If you truly have a burden and have such a sense of responsibility, and wish to carry a load, then hurry up and train yourself. Focus on practicing the truth and come to act with principles. Once you have life experience and can write articles of testimony, you will truly have grown. And if you can bear witness for God, then you can certainly gain the work of the Holy Spirit. If the Holy Spirit is working on you, it means that God looks on you with favor, and with the Holy Spirit guiding you, your opportunity will soon arise. You may have a burden now, but your stature is insufficient and your life experience too shallow, so even if you were to become a leader, you would be liable to tumble. You must pursue life entry, resolve your extravagant desires first, willingly be a follower, and come to submit to God truly, with no words of complaints for whatever He orchestrates or arranges. When you are possessed of this stature, your opportunity will come. That you wish to take on a heavy load, that you have this burden, is a good thing. It shows that you have a proactive heart that seeks to make progress and that you want to be considerate of God’s intentions and follow God’s will. This is not an ambition, but a true burden; it is the responsibility of those who pursue the truth and the object of their pursuit. You have no selfish motives and are not out for your own sake, but to bear witness for God and satisfy Him—this is what is most blessed by God, and He will make suitable arrangements for you. … God’s intention is to gain more people who can bear witness for Him; it is to perfect all who love Him, and to make a group of people who are of one heart and mind with Him as early as possible. Therefore, in God’s house, all who pursue the truth have great prospects, and the prospects of those who love God sincerely are without limit. Everyone should understand God’s intention. It is indeed a positive thing to have this burden, and it is something those with a conscience and reason should possess, but not everyone will necessarily be able to take on a heavy load. Where does this discrepancy come from? Whatever your strengths or capabilities, and however high your IQ may be, what is crucial is your pursuit and the path you walk” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (6)). I saw from God’s word that whether we are promoted and cultivated depends on our pursuit and path. If we pursue the truth and genuinely bear a burden, and have some caliber and talent, the church will give us opportunities for promotion and cultivation, and let us supervise some work. But if we don’t pursue the truth, and instead always pursue fame and status, taking the wrong path, then even if we become a leader, we won’t last long. I applied God’s word to myself and felt ashamed. I saw that I was being entirely unreasonable and that I didn’t know myself whatsoever. I thought I was especially capable and good, and that if my partnered sisters were promoted, that meant I also deserved to be promoted. I didn’t reflect on myself and come to an understanding of whether I was actually someone who pursued the truth, whether my humanity was qualified, and whether I could truly bear the burden of the work. Instead, I blindly compared myself to others and pursued promotion. I always wanted to prove I was just as good as anyone else, and obtain a high status to show off in front of more people and make others look up to me. I always performed my duty with my own ambitions and desires, so even if I became a leader or worker, I would still be working for fame and status, and it would be impossible to do my duty well. That I wasn’t a leader was protection for me. I thought how someone with genuine reason would be able to submit, reflect and know themselves, and be content to perform their own duty well in this situation. They would also reflect on their shortcomings and inadequacies, seek the truth to resolve their problems, and strive to make progress and change. Reflecting on myself based on God’s word, I saw that I actually had average caliber and wasn’t someone who pursued the truth. I was simply satisfied to finish my daily tasks and didn’t focus on understanding and resolving my corrupt dispositions. After years of believing in God, I was still very competitive. Regarding my reputation and status, I was always worried about gaining or losing them—when I didn’t get status, I even vented my anger onto my duty and disregarded the work. In what sense did I possess any truth reality? Despite this, I still wanted to be promoted. I truly didn’t have the slightest self-knowledge! I knew I shouldn’t blindly pursue reputation and status anymore. I should be submissive and do my present duty in a down-to-earth manner. That is the humanity and reason I ought to possess. When I realized this, I no longer felt the disturbance and constraints of this situation, and I began to make normal progress on the work at hand. I also began thinking about how to do the wrap-up work in more detail and more thoroughly, so that I could finish without regrets. Practicing this way, I felt very secure.

After some time, the church arranged for me to supervise a church’s watering work. When I heard this arrangement, I had mixed feelings. I felt embarrassed, and ashamed—I had misunderstood and guessed about my leaders that they had a prejudice against me and deliberately hadn’t promoted or cultivated me. That was entirely a consequence of my strong desire for status. In the days that followed, when I encountered things I didn’t understand, I sought answers with my partners, and I spent nearly all my time on watering work. But after a while, the work hadn’t been very effective. Only then did I see I had many deficiencies. I also realized that even with status, it was impossible to work well if I lacked the truth. So I felt even more ashamed of the lofty ambition that I’d had to be a leader. During that time, I stopped thinking about how to make others admire me; I only thought of how to perform the watering work well. I had a more down-to-earth attitude toward my duty. So I believed I had changed a little, and that I could do my duty with ease and get on with my proper task. But when another environment came upon me, my desire for status was exposed again.

In June of 2021, the church arranged for me to take on another project with a higher workload and a tight deadline. Although we faced many difficulties, through our joint effort, after a few months, our work started to become more effective, and in the end we finished twice as much work as in the previous year. I was very proud, and felt I played a part in the fact that we achieved these results—if the leaders wanted to promote someone, they would likely think of me. In the next few days, I heard many times that the leaders were discussing promoting and cultivating people, and from time to time, I heard the names of brothers and sisters I knew. My mind started to churn once again, “I’ve been a leader and worker before, and recently I’ve been effective in my duty, so why haven’t the leaders considered promoting me? Have the leaders seen through me and decided I am not someone who pursues the truth? Do they think I am someone who can only handle external things? If that’s what they think, will I ever have the chance to be promoted and cultivated?” Thinking this made the future feel bleak. I felt that no matter how hard I pursued it would always be this way—I would never have any hope of being promoted. I even became prejudiced against the leaders. Sometimes then, when the leaders talked to me, I just ignored them. I said as little as possible, and I didn’t even like to see my sisters around me. I always looked sullen, I didn’t want to speak much, and I wanted to spend all my time alone. Unconsciously, I stopped bearing a burden in my duty. I felt that no matter how well I did, the leaders couldn’t see my effort and expense, so why should I work so hard? I would just do enough to get by.

One day, I read a passage of God’s word: “Antichrists’ cherishment of their reputation and status goes beyond that of normal people, and is something within their disposition essence; it is not a temporary interest, or the transient effect of their surroundings—it is something within their life, their bones, and so it is their essence. This is to say that in everything antichrists do, their first consideration is their own reputation and status, nothing else. For antichrists, reputation and status are their life, and their lifelong goal. … It can be said that in antichrists’ hearts, they believe that pursuit of the truth in their faith in God is the pursuit of reputation and status; the pursuit of reputation and status is also the pursuit of the truth, and to gain reputation and status is to gain the truth and life. If they feel that they have no reputation, gains, or status, that no one admires them, or esteems them, or follows them, then they are very disappointed, they believe there is no point in believing in God, no value to it, and they say to themselves, ‘Is such faith in god a failure? Is it hopeless?’ They often deliberate such things in their hearts, they deliberate how they can carve a place out for themselves in the house of God, how they can have a lofty reputation in the church, so that people listen when they talk, and support them when they act, and follow them wherever they go; so that they have the final say in the church, and fame, gain, and status—they really focus on such things in their hearts. These are what such people pursue. Why are they always thinking about such things? After reading the words of God, after hearing sermons, do they really not understand all this, are they really not able to discern all this? Are the words of God and the truth really not able to change their notions, ideas, and opinions? That is not the case at all. The problem lies in them, it is wholly because they do not love the truth, because, in their hearts, they are averse to the truth, and as a result, they are utterly unreceptive to the truth—which is determined by their nature essence” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). From God’s word, I saw that antichrists especially cherish fame and status, and see those things as more important than anything else. When they don’t receive status, they find belief in God tedious. They have no sincerity in their belief in God or duties, even less do they do these things to understand the truth. Instead, they do them to gain fame and status, and to make more people admire and look up to them. The dispositions of antichrists are especially evil. I thought of myself—I always pursued being promoted and cultivated, and when my ambitions and desires went unsatisfied, I became negative and unmotivated. My pursuit of fame and status was already out of my control; I had revealed the same disposition as an antichrist. I thought of how, during school, I took the satanic poisons of “Man struggles upward; water flows downward,” and “A soldier who doesn’t want to be a general is not a good soldier,” as the laws of survival, so I sought to get the best grades. If I didn’t get first place, I at least had to be an honors student and win the praise and respect of my classmates and teachers. After I believed in God, I pursued status as my goal, thinking that if I had a high status, I could have a place in the church, I could make my presence known, I could get more people to look up to me, and I could make my voice heard. So when church work urgently required people and the leaders didn’t promote me, I became negative and miserable, had no drive to perform my duty, and even felt there was no direction or goal to pursue in my belief in God. Only then did I see clearly that the pursuit of fame and status had become my nature. No matter what group of people I was in, I always wanted to be praised and admired by others, and I hated to be left behind. When the leaders appreciated me and promoted me to do important work, I was very satisfied and was energetic in my duty; without their appreciation and promotion, I became negative and antagonistic, I muddled through my duties, drifting along, and even wanted to give it all up. I suddenly realized I was in serious danger if I went on like this!

After that, I read in God’s word: “God likes people who pursue the truth, and the people He loathes the most are those who pursue fame, gain, and status. Some people really cherish status and reputation, are deeply attached to them, can’t bear to give them up. They always feel that without status and reputation there is no joy or hope in living, that there is only hope in this life when they are living for status and reputation, and even if they have a bit of renown, they will carry on fighting, never giving up. If this is the thought and view you have, if your heart is filled with such things, then you are incapable of loving and pursuing the truth, you lack the right direction and aims in your faith in God, and are incapable of pursuing the knowledge of yourself, casting off corruption and living out the image of man; you let things slide when doing your duty, you are devoid of any sense of responsibility, and are satisfied only with not committing evil, not causing disturbance, not being cleared out. Could such people do their duty to an acceptable standard? And could they be saved by God? Impossible. When you act for the sake of reputation and status, you even think, ‘As long as what I do isn’t an evil deed and doesn’t constitute a disturbance, then even if my motive is wrong, no one can see it or condemn me.’ You do not know that God scrutinizes all. If you do not accept or practice the truth, and are spurned by God, it is all over for you. All who do not have God-fearing hearts think themselves smart; in fact, they do not even know when they have offended Him. Some people do not see these things clearly; they think, ‘I only pursue reputation and status in order to do more, to take on more responsibility. It doesn’t constitute a disruption or disturbance to the church’s work, and it certainly doesn’t damage the interests of God’s house. It’s not a major problem. I simply love status and protect my status, but that’s not an evil act.’ On its surface, such a pursuit may seem not to be an act of evil, but what does it lead to in the end? Will such people gain the truth? Will they achieve salvation? Absolutely not. Therefore, pursuing reputation and status is not the right path—it runs in exactly the opposite direction of the pursuit of the truth. In sum, regardless of what the direction or target of your pursuit is, if you do not reflect on the pursuit of status and reputation, and if you find it very difficult to put these things aside, then they will affect your life entry. As long as status has a place in your heart, it will totally control and influence your life’s direction and the goals you strive for, in which case it will be very difficult for you to enter the truth reality, to say nothing of achieving changes in your disposition; whether you are ultimately able to gain God’s approval, of course, goes without saying. What’s more, if you are never able to put aside your pursuit of status, this will affect your ability to adequately do your duty, which will make it very difficult for you to become an acceptable created being. Why do I say this? God loathes nothing more than when people pursue status, because the pursuit of status is a satanic disposition, it is a wrong path, it is born of the corruption of Satan, it is something condemned by God, and it is the very thing that God judges and purifies. God loathes nothing more than when people pursue status, and yet you still mulishly compete for status, you unfailingly cherish and protect it, always trying to take it for yourself. And in nature, is all of this not antagonistic to God? Status is not ordained for people by God; God provides people with the truth, the way, and the life, and ultimately makes them become an acceptable created being, a small and insignificant created being—not someone who has status and prestige and is revered by thousands of people. And so, no matter what perspective it is viewed from, the pursuit of status is a dead end. No matter how reasonable your excuse for pursuing status is, this path is still the wrong one, and is not approved of by God. No matter how hard you try or how great the price you pay, if you desire status, God will not give it to you; if it’s not given by God, you will fail in fighting to obtain it, and if you keep fighting there will only be one outcome: You will be revealed and eliminated, and you will meet with a dead end” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). After reading God’s words, I was terrified, and felt that this was God’s warning to me. If I still cherished status, and thought life had no pleasure or hope without status and important roles, pursuit like this was contending for status and going against God, not conducting myself and performing my duty from the position of a created being. Continuing unrepentant in this way, I would be sent to hell and punished! Afraid and trembling, I read this passage of God’s word several times in a row, and from my heart, I felt that God’s righteous disposition brooks no offense. I used to think that humans have corrupt dispositions, so it is very normal to pursue fame and status—who doesn’t want to improve their station? So, I didn’t take my revelations of corruption in this area seriously; even though I felt negative sometimes, I’d feel better in a couple of days. It wouldn’t delay my work too much, and I didn’t do anything out of line, so I didn’t think it was a big problem. Only now, through contemplating God’s words, did I understand something. Pursuing fame and status is a satanic disposition, it is in conflict with God and is the path of resisting Him. It is a dead end! I thought of the archangel, whose status was already high enough in the beginning, but who still wasn’t satisfied. It wanted to be on an equal footing with God, and in the end, God threw it into the air. Wasn’t I also acting like this? I was already in charge of some work in the church, and still I wasn’t satisfied. I didn’t strive to achieve the best results in my own duty. Instead, I strove with all my heart to reach a higher status, to do greater work to show off and make people look up to me. If that desire wasn’t satisfied, I became negative, slowed in my work, and began muddling through. Sometimes I even wanted to back down altogether. I didn’t care at all if the work of the church suffered losses. My ambitions and desires were truly overpowering—where was my God-fearing heart? Did I have any submission toward God to speak of? Always pursuing fame and status, neglecting my duties, not only delayed my own life entry, but it also harmed the work of the church. I was walking the path of resisting God, so how could God not detest me? Thinking of this, I felt fear and regret. I quickly prayed to God to repent, no longer wanting to pursue fame and status.

Afterward, I found the way to escape fame and status in God’s words. God’s words say: “As one member of created humanity, a person must keep their own position, and behave conscientiously. Dutifully guard that which is entrusted to you by the Creator. Do not act out of line, or do things beyond your range of ability or which are loathsome to God. Do not try to be great, or become a superman, or above others, nor seek to become God. This is how people should not desire to be. Seeking to become great or a superman is absurd. Seeking to become God is even more disgraceful; it is disgusting, and despicable. What is commendable, and what created beings should hold to more than anything else, is to become a true created being; this is the only goal that all people should pursue” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique I). God’s word clearly says that the pursuit of status, the pursuit of being a great person or a superman, is something that God detests. The actual pursuit people ought to have is being a genuine created being. After reading God’s word, I knew what I should pursue: I am a created being, and God knows best what duty I can perform and what work I can undertake. No matter what position I am in, what God wants to see is that I can properly pursue the truth and perform the duty of a created being in a down-to-earth manner. I need to let go of my ambitions and desires, and no matter what duty I perform, I must submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements, sincerely fulfill my own responsibilities, and through this be effective in my duty. This is what I should do as a created being. After that, I no longer considered whether I would be promoted. Instead, I consciously contemplated how to be more efficient to achieve the best results in my duty, and I prayed to God and sought with my brothers and sisters to resolve things when difficulties arose. After a period of time, I worked with my brothers and sisters to overcome some difficulties, and the efficiency of our work also improved.

In the days that followed, I still heard from time to time that my past partners had been promoted to be supervisors. Although I was still a little disappointed, because I felt others could make their presence known by being promoted while I was still stuck in the same place, I quickly realized that it was my desire for status at work again. So I quickly prayed to God and rebelled against myself. I thought of God’s word: “Status is not ordained for people by God; God provides people with the truth, the way, and the life, and ultimately makes them become an acceptable created being, a small and insignificant created being—not someone who has status and prestige and is revered by thousands of people” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). Pondering God’s words, my goals were clear in my heart. I saw that status is not preordained for people by God. No matter what our duty may be, we are fulfilling our responsibility. It is also using our own strengths and functions in the right positions. Ultimately there are no higher or lower positions, and being a leader or a supervisor doesn’t mean one has status or is better than others. What God asks of us is that we become qualified created beings, and submit to His orchestrations and arrangements. Only these are proper pursuits. If I cannot submit to God, if I cannot keep to my duties, and solely pursue climbing the ladder and gaining status, this is shameful, and I will be detested and cursed by God. By praying and reading God’s words, I was no longer negative, and I could treat this matter correctly and perform my duty properly.

After going through these things, I realized God’s good intentions. By not promoting me, He was protecting me. If I, with my love of status, really became a leader or worker, I would involuntarily walk the path of an antichrist, and I would only come to ruin in the end. Now, I can be submissive and down-to-earth in my duty. This is the effect of God’s words!