By Terry, Italy

In 2024, the leader arranged for me to act in experiential testimony videos. I was so happy to be able to do such an important duty in the final stage of God’s work, and I resolved to do my duty properly to repay God’s love. At first, I was just an extra, but later I also got to play the main character, sharing experiential testimonies. As more actors joined the team, who had more advantages than I did, I found myself playing the lead role less and less. There was one experiential testimony video where I was originally scheduled to play the main character, but later the role was given to Brother Albert instead. At that moment, a sense of crisis washed over me. I knew my acting skills were weaker than everyone else’s, and I worried that maybe the leader would gradually stop using me as an actor altogether. What would I do then? What would everyone think of me? Afterward, I checked the shooting schedule several more times and saw that Brother Albert’s name was still written after that script. I felt a little disappointed, but this soon passed. In October, the leader arranged for me to help cook in the kitchen in addition to my acting duties. At the time, I thought it was a pretty good arrangement, as it was a way for me to do more duty. But when I actually got to the kitchen, put on an apron, and started cooking, I felt a bit sour inside. I thought to myself, “I’ve been doing acting duty basically all the time over these years. Even though I had never played the leading role, I had been in a lot of films, and could be considered a veteran actor. Brothers and sisters recognized me wherever I went. But now, look at me. I’ve become a cook. Even though cooking is still a duty, it feels so insignificant. It’s not something that earns you anyone’s respect or esteem.” Later on, some of the workers in the team often had to go out for errands. When the brother in charge of the set was away, the leader had me do the set dressing. When the sister in charge of props wasn’t there, the leader had me set up the props. I felt even more dejected. “I’m just sent wherever someone is needed,” I thought. “What does that make me? Will everyone start to think I’m just a stand-in?”

One time, we actors were learning professional skills together, taking turns to rehearse a piece of dialogue. I was really nervous, worried I’d perform poorly and make a fool of myself. In the end, just as I feared, my delivery was the worst of all. I complained inwardly, “My skills were poor to start off with, and now I’m spending all day cooking or dressing sets with no time to practice. Aren’t my acting skills just going to get even worse?” Without realizing it, I became somewhat despondent. Every afternoon, the other actors would practice dancing together. Seeing them all dancing so joyfully while I was stuck in the kitchen cooking made me feel even more stifled. I just wanted to avoid them to spare myself the embarrassment. In November, we moved to a new filming location, and the leader had me prep the set first, telling me I’d also be in charge of the team’s general affairs work from then on. Seeing everyone working so intensively on filming experiential testimony videos every day, while I was always stuck with these odd jobs, I thought, “Everyone must think my caliber is poor and that I can’t make it as an actor, that I am not worth cultivating. That must be why the leader is having me do these general affairs tasks.” The more I thought about it, the more embarrassed I felt. During one gathering, I walked into the actors’ office carrying my laptop and saw that everyone was already seated. I quietly asked, “Is there any space left?” A sister quickly replied, “Oh, and there’s Brother Terry! We forgot all about you!” I knew she didn’t mean anything by it, but I felt awful. “I’m doing odd jobs all day,” I thought. “It’s no surprise I was overlooked.” It was especially hard when I saw that the two other brothers on the team had been made a director and a team leader, while I was stuck cooking, cleaning, and moving props all day. The contrast was just too stark. I even developed a prejudice toward the leader. “If you think I’m not cut out to be an actor, then just say so,” I thought. “I could go and water newcomers! At least that sounds a little better, and would save me from feeling so unwelcome here.” After that, I stopped doing my morning vocal exercises and lost all interest in studying acting skills. I used to avoid spicy food to protect my voice, but now I threw caution to the wind and started eating it. As a result, I got sores on my lips from internal heat, which affected the quality of the footage. Before shooting, I wouldn’t put any care into pondering the character’s emotions; I would just mechanically memorize my lines. Consequently, there were several times when my low spirits delayed our progress and affected the outcome of the shoot. During that time, I was in a daze all day long. Sometimes I felt there was no point in doing my duty, and even thought, “Anyway, I’m dispensable in this team. Instead of doing these odd jobs every day, I might as well stop doing duty full time and just get a job and do some duty on the side.”

One day, while organizing props, I suddenly felt severe discomfort in my heart. Only then did I begin to reflect on my state during that time. It was then that I came across a passage of God’s words that spoke directly to my state. Almighty God says: “Instead of seeking the truth, most people resort to petty tricks. They place great importance on their own interests, pride, and their place or standing in other people’s minds. These are the only things they cherish. They cling to these things with an iron grip and regard them as their very life—as for how God views and treats these things, they don’t concern themselves with that; they first consider whether they are the boss of the group, whether they can secure a position in which they’re highly regarded by others, and whether anyone listens to what they say. They first set about occupying that position. Nearly all people, when they are in a group, look for this kind of position, for this kind of opportunity. If they’re highly capable, of course they try to occupy the top spot. If they’re just average, they still try to hold a prominent position in the group. And if they’re part of the lower ranks in the group, being of average caliber and ability, they also try to make others hold them in high regard; they can’t let others look down on them. These people’s pride and dignity are where they draw the line; they think they must hold on to these things. Even if they lose their integrity, or God is displeased with them and doesn’t recognize them, they still have to strive for their pride and status; they must avoid humiliation at all costs. This is a satanic disposition. And yet they don’t realize this. They think they can’t lose what little pride they have left. They don’t know that only when these superficial things are completely relinquished and abandoned will they become real people, and that if they guard as their life these things that should be discarded, their life will be lost. They just don’t know what is at stake. Therefore, in whatever they do, they always hold something back, they always act for the sake of protecting their own pride and status, and they put these things first. They speak and make fallacious arguments only for their own sake—they’ll do anything for themselves” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). God’s words say that regardless of our caliber or talents, we all want to secure a certain position in a group of people and be esteemed by others. Those with great abilities want to occupy the very top, while even those with no special talents and average caliber want to be valued and looked up to. This is all driven by satanic dispositions. When the leader arranged for me to be an actor, I felt very satisfied that I could do such an important duty, and I was very proactive and bore a burden. But when the leader arranged for me to cook, or temporarily do set dressing or move props based on the needs of the work, I felt these were just odd jobs, and that I was now a dispensable member of the team compared to the other actors. So, I lived in emotions of despondency and began to do my duty perfunctorily, just going through the motions. I wouldn’t try to ponder the character’s emotions beforehand, but would simply memorize the lines. I had no heart to consider how to achieve a better outcome for the shoot. I showed absolutely no submission to what God had done. I was unwilling to be the least significant person on the team, and always pursued being esteemed and valued. I was utterly without reason! I knew my acting skills were poor and that I should have been practicing more, but not only did I not practice, I just gave up on trying. I even considered stopping doing my duty full time. My desire for reputation and status was truly overwhelming!

Later, I read more of God’s words, and gained some understanding of my own nature essence. God says: “For antichrists, status and reputation are their life. No matter how they live, no matter what environment they live in, no matter what work they do, no matter what they pursue, what their goals are, what their life’s direction is, it all revolves around having a good reputation and a high status. And this aim does not change; they can never put aside such things. This is the true face of antichrists, and their essence. You could put them in a primeval forest deep in the mountains, and still they would not put aside their pursuit of reputation and status. You can put them among any group of people, and all they can think about is still reputation and status. Although antichrists also believe in God, they see the pursuit of reputation and status as equivalent to faith in God and place these two things on equal footing. Which is to say, as they walk the path of faith in God, they also pursue their own reputation and status. It can be said that in antichrists’ hearts, the pursuit of the truth in their faith in God is the pursuit of reputation and status, and the pursuit of reputation and status is also the pursuit of the truth; to gain reputation and status is to gain the truth and life. If they feel that they have no fame, gain, or status, that no one looks up to them, esteems them, or follows them, then they are very disappointed, they believe there is no point in believing in God, no value to it, and they say to themselves, ‘Is such faith in god a failure? Aren’t I without hope?’ They often calculate such things in their hearts. They calculate how they can carve a place out for themselves in the house of God, how they can have a lofty reputation in the church, how they can get people to listen when they talk, and to support them when they act, how they can get people to follow them no matter where they are, and how they can have an influential voice in the church, and fame, gain, and status—they really focus on such things in their hearts. These are what such people pursue” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). God exposes that antichrists cherish reputation and status as they do their own lives. No matter what group of people they find themselves in, they always want to secure a position and be esteemed. Once they lose their reputation and status, it’s as if their life has been taken from them. They may even feel that there is no point in believing in God, and could be capable of betraying and leaving God at any moment. Wasn’t I exactly that kind of person? In the past, when I was always doing acting duty, everyone looked up to me, and I felt a sense of superiority when around others. When the leader arranged for me to be in experiential testimony videos, I was very happy, feeling that I was highly valued, and I was full of energy in my duty. But when I was assigned to cook or do set dressing, I felt I was no longer valued. I was miserable all day long and felt there was no point in doing anything. God says: “You could put them in a primeval forest deep in the mountains, and still they would not put aside their pursuit of reputation and status. You can put them among any group of people, and all they can think about is still reputation and status.” These words are so practical! My cherishing of reputation and status wasn’t a fleeting thing; it was in my very bones. No matter what group of people I was in or what I was doing, my first consideration was always my reputation and status. Even if I couldn’t be the best, I at least had to feel like I mattered. Otherwise, I felt immense pain, as if there was no point in living. I started to wonder, why did I care so much about reputation and status? It’s because I’d been deeply conditioned and influenced by satanic poisons like “Man struggles upward; water flows downward” and “Live as a hero among men, and die as a valiant spirit among ghosts.” I believed that no matter what group of people I was in, I had to be valued and esteemed; that was the only way not to waste my life. I remember ever since I was a child, I was highly competitive and cared deeply about saving face, never wanting to be looked down on for anything I did. My family was poor when I was young, so I studied hard. I was the class president for ten years, from elementary school through high school. The walls at home were covered with my various award certificates. My teachers, relatives, and friends all praised me, and my classmates looked up to me. I lived in that halo and was very proud, always walking with my head held high. But just before my college entrance exams, I was forced to drop out of school due to illness. At the time, I couldn’t accept this cruel reality. From that point on, I couldn’t pull myself together again and became deeply despondent. After I started believing in God, I still pursued being esteemed by others. Even though my caliber and skills were average and I couldn’t handle important work, I still wanted to be someone who mattered, and not be looked down upon. When the leader kept assigning me general affairs work, my vanity could not be satisfied, and I lived in a negative state. I was dissatisfied and unwilling to accept it, even holding a prejudice against the leader. I became perfunctory in my duty and even thought about getting a part-time job. This was me fleeing from the environment God had set up, and in essence, it was betraying God. I saw that I wasn’t doing my duty to pursue the truth and attain salvation, but to pursue reputation and status. I was walking the path of an antichrist. If I didn’t repent and change, sooner or later I would be revealed and eliminated by God. After that, I often prayed to God, asking Him to lead me to turn my incorrect state around.

One day, I saw the words of God, and understood the path I should take in my belief in God in order to accord with God’s intentions. God says: “Some people are merely content with doing impressive and glorious duties, making others look up to them and envy them. Is this useful? This is not your final outcome, nor is it your final reward, and it certainly is not your destination. So, regardless of the duty you perform, it is only temporary, it is not eternal. This is not an approval that God has bestowed upon you, nor a reward that He has given you. Ultimately, whether people can attain salvation is not dependent on what duty they do, but on whether they can understand and gain the truth, and on whether they can, in the end, entirely submit to God, put themselves at the mercy of His orchestration, give no consideration to their future and destiny, and become a created being that is up to standard. God is righteous and holy, and these are the standards He uses to measure all mankind. These standards are immutable, and you must remember this. Inscribe these standards in your mind, and at any time, do not think of finding some other path to pursue some unreal thing. The standards God requires of all who want to attain salvation are forever unchanging. They remain the same no matter who you are. You can achieve salvation only by believing in God according to God’s required standards. If you find another path to pursue things that are vague, and imagine that you will succeed by luck, you are someone who resists and betrays God, and you will definitely be cursed and punished by God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). “God does not look at what you say or promise before Him; He looks at whether what you do has truth reality. Also, God does not care how high, profound, or mighty your actions are, and even if you do a small little thing, if God sees sincerity in your every move, He shall say, ‘This person sincerely believes in Me. They have never boasted. They conduct themselves according to their station. Although they may not have made a great contribution to God’s house and are of poor caliber, they are steadfast and have sincerity in all they do.’ What does this ‘sincerity’ contain? It contains fear and submission to God, as well as true faith and love; it contains everything God wants to see. Such people may seem unremarkable to others, and they could well be a person who makes food or does the cleaning up, someone who performs an ordinary duty. Such people are unremarkable to others, haven’t achieved anything great, and have nothing estimable, admirable or enviable about them—they are just ordinary people. And yet, all that God requires is found in them and lived out in them, and they give it all to God. Tell Me, what more does God want? He is satisfied with them” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). After reading these two passages, my heart felt much brighter. Whether or not you gain others’ esteem in your duty is not important; it doesn’t determine your final outcome and destination. Doing our duty is simply the path through which we pursue and gain the truth. God doesn’t need us to accomplish great things, nor does He require us to attain a high status. God hopes that we can conduct ourselves according to our proper station, do our duties in a down-to-earth manner, practice His words, and show true submission to Him. I also realized that because my acting skills were just average, letting brothers and sisters with better skills act in the experiential testimony videos would produce a better result, which is beneficial for the gospel work. Moreover, I had done renovation work before, so the leader’s arrangement for me to assist with set dressing was based on my skills and was indeed quite appropriate. The church has principles for how it arranges each person’s duty, but I was bent on pursuing reputation and status, and making people esteem me, always harboring my own unreasonable demands. I was utterly without reason! In truth, even though the tasks the leader assigned me were all inconspicuous odd jobs, they were still the duty I ought to do, and I should have done them with care. Besides, no matter what duty you do, there are truth principles to be practiced and entered into. If I had submitted and cooperated to the best of my ability, not only could I have contributed to the church’s work, but I would have had more opportunities to seek and understand the truth. For example, in set dressing, you have to consider how to save materials and cooperate harmoniously with the camera and lighting departments to make the scenes more visually appealing. General affairs duty involves the proper management and reasonable use of all kinds of supplies; when cooking, you have to consider how to make the food nutritious, hygienic, and healthy. Every duty involves principles in many different aspects, and is not easy to fulfill up to standard. Previously, by pursuing reputation and status, I was walking the wrong path. Not only did my own life entry suffer loss, but it also had some negative impact on my duty. Now, I should cherish the opportunity to do my duty, and, while doing my duty, focus on my life entry, seeking the truth, and acting according to the principles. Later, something happened that really struck me. An actor was dismissed because of his severe corrupt dispositions: He wouldn’t accept others’ suggestions, couldn’t cooperate harmoniously with the brothers and sisters, and refused to turn things around despite repeated fellowships, which affected the results of his duty. This got me thinking deeply. This actor’s skills were quite good, but he had severe corrupt dispositions and never sought the truth to resolve them; in the end, he was dismissed. I saw that the path you walk in your duty is absolutely crucial. If you don’t pursue the truth, no matter how high your status or how much esteem you receive, you will ultimately fail. I prayed to God, “Oh, God! I am willing to repent. I no longer want to pursue reputation and status. I am willing to submit to Your orchestration and arrangements.”

Not long after, the leader asked me if I’d be willing to work full-time cooking in the kitchen. I thought to myself, “Before, I was just helping out temporarily. If I agree, I’ll be cooking long-term. Won’t that mean I’ll never have the chance to be an actor again? What will everyone think of me? Will they think I was eliminated because my skills weren’t good enough?” I felt conflicted, but then I realized this was God testing me, to see if I could submit. So, I accepted the duty. Later, the leader had me juggle all three duties—acting, cooking, and general affairs—coordinating them flexibly according to their urgency and importance. In those days, I often thought of a passage of God’s words: “What is your function as created beings? This relates to your practice and duty. You are a created being, and if God gave you the gift of singing, and the house of God arranges for you to sing, then you are to sing well. If you have the gift of preaching the gospel, and the house of God arranges for you to preach the gospel, then you should do it well. If God’s chosen people elect you as a leader, you should take up the commission of leadership, and lead God’s chosen people to eat and drink the words of God, fellowship on the truth, and enter into reality. In doing so, you will have done your duty well. The commission God gives to man is extremely important and meaningful! So, how should you take up this commission and exercise your function? It can be said that this is one of the biggest issues you face, a crucial moment which decides whether you can gain the truth and be perfected by God. You must make a choice” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Understanding the Truth Can One Know God’s Deeds). From God’s words, I understood that no matter what duty we do in God’s house, the differences are merely in function and title. Regardless of the duty, our identity and essence as created beings do not change. When I’m needed to water newcomers, I will be a waterer. When I’m needed to act, I will be an actor. When I’m needed for set dressing, I will be a set dresser. When I’m needed to cook, I will be a support worker. No matter how my duty changes, I am still just a created being. What I should do is accept and submit, and fulfill my duty with all my heart and strength. Besides, when I handle these odd jobs, my brothers and sisters will have more energy and time for their own duties. Isn’t that me doing my part, too? So I prayed to God, “Oh, God! I am willing to let go of my reputation and status and stop seeking others’ esteem. No matter what duty I do, I am willing to submit.” From then on, when doing my duty, I no longer cared about what others thought of me. Instead, I put my heart into experiencing the environments God set up for me each day, and focused on learning my lessons, reflecting on what corrupt dispositions I revealed in my duty. Sometimes, when I found myself lying involuntarily, I would train myself to be an honest person according to God’s requirements. Sometimes, when I noticed that I always wanted others to listen to me and couldn’t accept their suggestions, I would reflect on and get to know my own arrogant disposition. General affairs duty involves numerous trivial tasks, so I thought about how to manage my time reasonably so I could handle them all. After training myself to cook for a while, I realized I had mastered some basic culinary skills. When I saw how some of the kitchen utensils didn’t work very well, I came up with some small modifications to improve them, and everyone said they worked much better. Later, when there was a script that was suitable for me, the director would also get me to play the main character, giving me opportunities to train. I was so grateful to God in my heart. When I turned my mindset around and approached every matter with this new attitude, I no longer considered others’ opinions of me. Instead, I accepted each task as a responsibility from the bottom of my heart. By practicing this way, I felt my heart grew closer to God. I made some gains in both my life entry and my professional skills, and I felt a special sense of peace and enjoyment in my heart. Thank God! All of this is God’s grace and blessing!