By Ning Yu, China

In 2022, I met Sister Guo Li at a church. In our conversations, I learned that she had left home to do her duty ten years before and had been serving as a leader or worker all these years. Whenever a church needed watering and support, she would always cooperate actively, and she was able to endure hardship and pay a price. But in recent years, a malignant tumor had grown on her arm, and she had undergone four surgeries in three years. I felt deeply uneasy when I heard this. “This sister truly believes in God, and she’s able to forsake things, expend herself, endure hardship, and pay a price in her duty,” I thought. “How could God not watch over and protect her and instead let her get such a terrible illness? I’ve also forsaken things and expended myself for years. I didn’t give up my duty even when I was persecuted by my husband. Now I’m almost 50, and my neck issues and shoulder pain are getting worse. I don’t even know if God will keep me safe in the future! What if I get a serious illness like hers one day?” I didn’t dare to think about it any further, and I couldn’t help but feel a bit despondent. During that time, I was constantly worried about Guo Li’s condition. When I learned that amid her pain, she was seeking the truth, reflecting on and understanding her corrupt disposition, and was able to submit to God without complaint, and was still doing her duty as best as she could, I found myself hoping that God, on account of her sincere faith and all she had expended for Him, would protect her and heal her illness. After that, every time we met, the first thing I did was ask about her condition. One time, Guo Li told me her doctor said there was nothing serious to worry about anymore. On hearing this news I was particularly happy, and I thought, “It seems like God really does protect those who sincerely expend themselves for Him. Although God’s work in this stage isn’t like the Lord Jesus’ work in the Age of Grace, where He healed the sick and cast out demons, God’s work of judgment, chastisement, trials, and refinement is also accompanied by His blessings. As long as people learn their lessons in their sickness, don’t complain about God, and stand firm in their testimony for Him, He will still keep them safe. It’s just like when Job went through God’s trials. He lost his great fortune and all his children, and his body was covered in sore boils, yet he still praised God’s name without complaining and stood firm in his testimony for God. In the end, his illness was healed, and God blessed him with even more wealth than before. His children were more beautiful, and his lifespan was doubled. God is so righteous!” Thinking this way, my despondency vanished instantly, and I felt energized in my duty again.

To my surprise, a few months later I heard that Guo Li’s cancer had returned and she had to have her arm amputated. My heart sank. “How could this be the result? Guo Li truly believes in God, she has forsaken things and expended herself for years, and even when she got seriously ill, she didn’t betray God and still did her duty as she was able. Why didn’t God heal her completely? Why did she have to have an amputation?” I couldn’t make sense of it. “She stood firm in her testimony, so why didn’t God protect her? It seems that forsaking things and expending oneself doesn’t guarantee God’s care and protection! God doesn’t even give any special rewards or blessings to those who truly believe in Him and forsake things and expend themselves. If believing in God leads to an end like Guo Li’s, it’s just not worth it!” I couldn’t accept such a result at the time. My notions, misunderstandings, and judgments about God all came bubbling up uncontrollably. I didn’t even know what to fellowship about in gatherings. My heart felt hollowed out, icy cold, and the pain was indescribable. I became extremely despondent. I thought about how I had also left my family and given up my job to do my duty for many years. Now my husband had found another woman, and I didn’t even have a home to go back to. What would I do if I got seriously ill one day and God didn’t heal me? I couldn’t help but start to worry and fret about my own future and what would become of me. That day, I couldn’t even eat dinner, and I had no desire to solve the problems the team members had reported. I went to bed very early that night. During that period, whenever I thought of Guo Li’s illness, I would become very despondent and lose all motivation for my duty. I failed to follow up on and resolve the difficulties and problems of the newcomers in a timely manner, which led to more of them not attending gatherings regularly. Although I felt a sense of reproach in my heart, I still couldn’t muster the strength to do my duty. When the weather got a bit colder and I had to travel to a distant place, I didn’t want to go. I just felt that since all my forsaking and expending wouldn’t necessarily earn God’s care and protection, why should I still try so hard? I even regretted having forsaken everything to come out and do my duty, fearing that if I ended up like Guo Li with a serious illness that God wouldn’t heal, all those years of effort would have been in vain. My heart was shrouded in darkness during that time, and I didn’t know what to say when I prayed. I started to ponder why I had become so despondent after learning about the relapse of Guo Li’s illness.

One day during my devotionals, I read a passage of God’s words and gained some understanding of my state. God says: “Some people think that believing in God should bring peace and joy, and that if they encounter situations, they only need to pray to God and God will lend His ear, grant them grace and blessings, and ensure everything goes peacefully and smoothly for them. Their purpose in believing in God is to seek grace, gain blessings, and enjoy peace and happiness. It is because of these views that they forsake their families or quit their jobs to expend themselves for God and can endure hardship and pay a price. They believe that as long as they forsake things, expend themselves for God, endure hardship, and work diligently, displaying exceptional behavior, they will gain God’s blessings and favor, and that no matter what difficulties they encounter, as long as they pray to God, He will resolve them and open up a path for them in everything. This is the viewpoint held by the majority of people who believe in God. People feel that this viewpoint is legitimate and correct. Many people’s ability to maintain their faith in God for years without giving up their faith is directly related to this viewpoint. They think, ‘I have expended so much for God, my behavior has been so good, and I haven’t done any evil deeds; God will surely bless me. Because I have suffered a lot and paid a great price for every task, doing everything according to God’s words and requirements without making any mistakes, God should bless me; He should ensure everything goes smoothly for me, and that I often have peace and joy in my heart, and enjoy God’s presence.’ Isn’t this a human notion and imagining? … When what God does doesn’t align with people’s notions, they quickly develop complaints and misunderstandings about Him in their hearts. They even feel wronged and then begin to argue with God, and they may even judge and condemn Him. Regardless of what notions and misunderstandings people develop, from God’s perspective, He never acts or treats anyone according to human notions or wishes. God always does what He desires to do, according to His own way and based on His own disposition essence. God has principles in how He treats every person; nothing He does to each person is based on human notions, imaginings, or preferences—this is the aspect of God’s work that is most at odds with human notions. … When people insist on holding onto their notions, they develop resistance against God—this happens naturally. Where does the root of resistance lie? It lies in the fact that what people usually possess in their hearts are without a doubt their notions and imaginings and not the truth. Therefore, when faced with God’s work not aligning with human notions, people can defy God and make judgments against Him. This proves that people fundamentally lack a heart of submission to God, their corrupt disposition is far from being cleansed, and they essentially live according to their corrupt disposition. They are still incredibly far from attaining salvation” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (16)). It was only after reading God’s words that I came to know that the reason my reaction was so strong to the news of Guo Li’s cancer returning and her arm getting amputated was that my belief in God had always been based on my own notions and imaginings. I believed that as long as someone sincerely believed in God and was able to forsake things, expend themselves, suffer, and pay a price in their duty, God would grant them grace and blessings, and keep them safe and sound, free from illness and disaster. Even if some calamity befell them, as long as they sincerely prayed to and relied on God and persisted in their duty, He would keep them safe. Seeing that Guo Li had forsaken things, expended herself, endured much hardship and paid a great price for years, and especially that she could still pray to God, learn her lessons, and persist in her duty amid illness, I felt that God should have blessed and protected her. I never expected her illness to return and for her to have an amputation. This dealt a heavy blow to my notions and shattered my hope of gaining blessings from believing in God. I immediately thought that if I were to get seriously ill like Guo Li one day and God didn’t heal me despite my prayers, then there would be no point in believing in God. I developed notions and resistance toward God, judging Him in my heart as unrighteous. I became so negative that I lost all desire to do my duty, began to worry about my own future, and even regretted having forsaken everything to do my duty in the first place. Only through God revealing me did I see that my belief in Him was just me trying to bargain with Him. I wanted to use my forsaking and expending to demand His grace and blessings; I wasn’t doing the duty of a created being at all. It was just like Paul, who believed, “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: From now on there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness” (2 Timothy 4:7-8). He used his running around and expending as a bargaining chip to demand a crown of righteousness from God, trying to bargain with Him as if he were entitled to, and trying to use Him to achieve his own despicable goal of gaining blessings and benefits. God never said that people could enter the kingdom of heaven just by running around and expending themselves. Paul wishfully treated his own notions and imaginings as the truth to be pursued. He wasn’t believing in God at all, but in himself. The path he walked was one of resisting God, and in the end, he suffered God’s punishment. I had treated my forsaking, suffering, and the price I paid as a bargaining chip to exchange for God’s blessings. I wasn’t treating God as the Creator at all; I had been constantly deceiving and using Him. This is offending God’s disposition, and if I didn’t repent, I would also end up being eliminated. Only then did I realize that it’s very dangerous to believe in God without pursuing the truth and to blindly seek blessings and grace. One day, a great trial could come, and I might betray God and be revealed and eliminated.

Afterward, I reflected further. I’d believed in God for so many years and I knew in terms of doctrine that I shouldn’t make deals with God, but why was my desire for blessings still so deeply rooted? During my devotionals, I read God’s words: “In the eyes of antichrists, and in their thoughts and views, there must be some benefits in following God; they will not bother to move without benefits. If there is no fame, gain, or status that can be enjoyed, if none of the work they do or the duties they perform earn them the admiration of others, then there is no point in believing in God and doing their duties. … In their belief, antichrists only wish to be blessed, and they do not want to suffer adversity. When they see someone who is blessed, who has benefited, who has been graced, and who has received more material enjoyments, great advantages, they believe that this is done by God; and if they do not receive such material blessings, then this is not the action of God. The implication is, ‘If you really are god, then you can only bless people; you should avert people’s adversity and not allow them to meet with suffering. Only then is there a value and a point to people believing in you. If, after following you, people are still beset by adversity, if they still suffer, then what is the point of believing in you?’ They do not admit that all things and events are in the hands of God, that God holds sovereignty over all. And why don’t they admit this? Because antichrists are afraid of suffering adversity. They want only to benefit, to take advantage, to enjoy blessings; they wish not to accept God’s sovereignty or orchestration, but only to receive benefits from God. This is the selfish and despicable point of view of antichrists” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Ten: They Despise the Truth, Brazenly Flout Principles, and Ignore the Arrangements of God’s House (Part Six)). “All corrupt humans live for themselves. Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost—this is the summation of human nature. People believe in God for their own sake; when they forsake things and expend themselves for God, it is in order to be blessed, and when they are devoted to Him, it is still in order to be rewarded. In sum, it is all done for the purpose of being blessed, rewarded, and entering the kingdom of heaven. In society, people work for their own benefit, and in the house of God, they do a duty in order to be blessed. It is for the sake of gaining blessings that people forsake everything and can endure much suffering. There is no better evidence of man’s satanic nature” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). God exposes that antichrists believe in Him only to gain blessings and benefits from Him and to be protected from misfortune. If they can’t gain blessings, they feel that believing in God is meaningless and they will abandon Him. This is entirely determined by the selfish and despicable nature of antichrists. Reflecting on myself, I saw that I too was living by satanic poisons like “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost” and “Never lift a finger without a reward.” Everything I did was driven by self-interest, and had to benefit me. Before I believed in God, I was always frail and sickly. But after I started believing and doing my duty, all my illnesses were healed. Having received such a great grace from God, I resolved to believe earnestly, thinking that as long as I did so and forsook and expended myself for God, I would receive even more of His blessings and protection. That’s why I actively did my duty, no matter how my husband persecuted or tried to stop me, and why I was willing to endure any hardship. But when I saw that Guo Li had gotten such a serious illness after so many years of doing her duty, I suddenly felt that forsaking and expending didn’t necessarily bring God’s blessings and protection, so what was the point of doing my duty? Thus, I lived in negativity and opposed God, lost all desire to do my duty, and even regretted leaving home to do it. I saw that my nature was so selfish and deceitful; I was just a person who put self-interest first! It was God’s grace that I could come to His house and do a duty. God hoped that I would pursue the truth to achieve a change in my disposition, completely break free from Satan’s bondage, and live out normal humanity. But I didn’t pursue the truth in the slightest; I only thought about gaining blessings and benefits. When I received God’s protection and grace, I was willing to forsake things, expend myself, and even suffer. But as soon as God’s work didn’t align with my notions and my desire for blessings was shattered, my attitude toward my duty changed instantly. I became negative, resistant, and perfunctory, and I even regretted doing my duty. I became a completely different person. I saw that living by satanic rules had made me incredibly selfish, despicable, and devoid of humanity. My belief was a deception, an attempt to use God, and I was walking the path of resisting Him. If I didn’t turn back, I would only be eliminated. I thought of God’s words: “In what way is treating the pursuit of blessings as an objective wrong? It flies completely in the face of the truth, and is not congruent with God’s intention to save people” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only in the Practice of the Truth Is There Life Entry). God saves people to purify their corrupt dispositions and ultimately bring them into His kingdom. I, however, was only focused on immediate grace and blessings and wasn’t pursuing the truth. Wasn’t this deviating from God’s requirements? In the end, I would surely gain nothing.

Later, I read two more passages of God’s words and gained some understanding of God’s righteous disposition. Almighty God says: “Righteousness is by no means fairness or reasonableness; it is not egalitarianism, or giving you what you deserve for your work, or paying you for whatever work you have done, or giving you your due according to what effort you expend. This is not righteousness, it is merely being fair and reasonable. Very few people are capable of knowing God’s righteous disposition. Suppose God had destroyed Job after Job bore witness to Him: Would this be righteous? In fact, it would be. Why is this called righteousness? How do people view righteousness? If something is in line with people’s notions, it is then very easy for them to say that God is righteous; however, if they do not see something as being in line with their notions—if it is something that they are incapable of understanding—then it would be difficult for them to say that God is righteous. If God had destroyed Job back then, people would not say He is righteous. Actually, regardless of whether people have been corrupted or not, and whether they have been profoundly corrupted or not, does God have to justify Himself when He destroys them? Does He have to explain to people on what basis He does so? Must God tell people the laws He has ordained? There is no need. In God’s eyes, someone who is corrupt and who is liable to resist God is without any worth; however God handles them will be appropriate, and it is all according to God’s arrangements. If you were displeasing to God’s eyes, and if He said that He had no use for you after your testimony and therefore destroyed you, would this be His righteousness? It would also be. … Everything that God does is righteous. Though humans may not be able to perceive this, they should not make judgments at will. If something He does appears to humans as unreasonable, or if they have any notions about it, and then they say that He is not righteous, they are being most unreasonable” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). “Nothing God does is wrong, and you must praise His righteousness. No matter what God does, it is always right, and even if you harbor notions about what God does, believing that what He does isn’t considerate of human feelings, that it’s not to your liking, you should still praise God. Why should you do this? You don’t know the reason why, right? This is actually very easy to explain: It’s because God is God and you are human; He is the Creator, you are a created being. You are not qualified to demand that God act in a certain way or that He treat you a certain way, whereas God is qualified to make demands of you. Blessings, grace, rewards, crowns—how all these things are given and to whom is up to God. … The identity, status, and essence of God can never be equated with the identity, status, and essence of man, nor will these things ever undergo any change—God will forever be God, and man will forever be man. If a person is able to understand this, what should they then do? They should submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements—this is the most rational way to go about things, and besides this, there is no other path that can be chosen. If you don’t submit then you are rebellious, and if you are defiant and argue, then you are being outrageously rebellious, and you should be destroyed. Being able to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements shows that you have reason; this is the attitude people must have, and only this is the attitude created beings should have” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Twelve: They Want to Withdraw When They Have No Status or No Hope of Gaining Blessings). After reading God’s words, I felt them pierce my heart, and I saw that I had no understanding of God’s righteous disposition at all. In my notions, God’s righteousness meant being fair and reasonable; that if you made an effort you would be repaid. I believed God should grant grace and blessings to those who suffer and expend themselves for Him, and that especially when they stand firm in their testimony during trials, He should bless and protect them even more, and heal their illnesses. For instance, since Guo Li had left her family and given up her job to do her duty for many years and now had a serious illness, I thought God should, considering all her years of forsaking and expending for Him, protect her and heal her illness. But in the end, not only did she not get better, she even had an amputation. So I complained that God was inconsiderate and judged Him as unrighteous. My standard for measuring God’s righteousness was that if someone made an effort, they had to be repaid, and that however much they made an effort or expended themselves, God had to give a reward of equivalent value. This viewpoint is so distorted! God is the Creator, and I am a created being. Everything I enjoy, as well as my very life, is given by God. It’s perfectly natural and justified for me to follow God and do my duty. As for whether God grants me grace and blessings, that is His own affair. I have no right to make demands of God; I should accept His sovereignty and arrangements unconditionally, with a submissive heart. Moreover, everything God does in people has meaning and contains His wisdom. I shouldn’t look at things based on outward appearances, much less should I judge all that God does based on my own notions and imaginings. It’s just like Job. He feared God and shunned evil, yet he was faced with the loss of his property and the death of his children, and his own body was covered in sore boils. In man’s eyes, he was suffering misfortune, but God used this trial to perfect his true faith in Him. Job became a perfect man in God’s eyes, and Satan no longer had any right to accuse or tempt him. There are also God’s good intentions in the illness that befell Guo Li. Although she got sick and her flesh suffered, if she could seek the truth and learn her lessons, and gain true faith in and submission to God, then the suffering would be worthwhile. I could no longer look at things based on my own notions and imaginings. God is always righteous, and no matter what He does, it contains His good intentions and wisdom. Understanding this, my heart brightened considerably.

During my devotionals, I read God’s words and came to understand the correct perspective one should have in believing in God. Almighty God says: “Experiencing God’s work is not about enjoying grace, instead it is more about suffering for your love of Him. Since you enjoy God’s grace, you must also enjoy His chastisement; you must experience all of this. You can experience God’s enlightenment in you, and you can also experience how He prunes you and judges you. In this way, your experience will be comprehensive. God has carried out His work of judgment upon you, and He has also carried out His work of chastisement. God’s word has pruned you, but not only that, it has also enlightened and illuminated you. When you are negative and weak, God worries for you. All of this work is to let you know that everything about man is within God’s orchestrations. You may think that believing in God is just about suffering, or doing many things for Him, or your flesh being at peace, or everything going smoothly for you, and you being comfortable and at ease in all things. None of these are purposes that people should have in their belief in God. If you believe for these purposes, then your perspective is incorrect, and it is simply impossible for you to be perfected. God’s actions, God’s righteous disposition, His wisdom, His words, and His wondrousness and unfathomableness are all things people ought to understand. Through this understanding, you should come to rid your heart of your personal demands, hopes, and notions. Only by eliminating these things can you meet the conditions demanded by God, and it is only by doing this that you can have life and satisfy God. The purpose of believing in God is to satisfy Him and to live out the disposition He requires, so that His actions and glory may be manifested through this group of unworthy people. This is the correct perspective for believing in God, and this is also the goal that you should pursue. You should have the right viewpoint about believing in God and you should seek to obtain God’s words. You need to eat and drink God’s words and you must be able to live out the truth, and in particular you must be able to see His practical deeds, His wonderful deeds throughout the entire universe, as well as the practical work He does in the flesh. People can, through their actual experiences, appreciate just how God does His work on them and what His intentions are toward them. The purpose of all of this is so they can cast off their corrupt satanic disposition. Having cast off all the uncleanliness and unrighteousness inside you, and having cast off your wrong intentions, and having developed true faith in God—only with true faith can you truly love God” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Those Who Are to Be Made Perfect Must Undergo Refinement). From God’s words I saw that believing in God is not for the sake of receiving blessings from Him. The main thing is to experience God’s judgment, chastisement, trials, and refinement to cast off one’s corrupt disposition and attain His salvation. Thinking back on my years of faith, I had enjoyed so much of the watering and provision of God’s words but had not pursued the truth. I was bent on enjoying God’s grace and blessings, and my life disposition hadn’t changed in the slightest. Guo Li’s illness truly served as a revelation of my own state. From now on, I must focus on experiencing God’s work in the things that happen to me. Especially in matters that don’t align with my own notions, I must seek the truth, reflect on and know myself, and resolve my corrupt dispositions. Once I understood these things, I was no longer worried about whether I would receive blessings in the future. I was also able to devote my heart to my duty, thinking about how to water the newcomers well and fulfill my duty to satisfy God. No matter what illness or adversity befalls me in the future, I am willing to experience it with a heart of submission to God, focusing on pursuing the truth and doing my duty well.

In July 2023, I saw Guo Li again. Although one of her arms had been amputated, she was still persisting in her hosting duty. When we talked about how she felt facing the amputation, she told me calmly and with composure, “Thank God! I’m over seventy years old. The others who got sick at the same time as me have all passed away, but I’m still alive. This is God’s greatest protection. Although I’ve had this serious illness, I have gained so much from it. In this lifetime, to be able to hear so many of God’s words and to be able to do my duty—that’s enough. This is God’s grace! I ask for nothing else. I only ask that for each day I live, I can do my duty to satisfy God!” Hearing Guo Li’s words, I felt both ashamed and deeply inspired, and I also gained the confidence to experience God’s work. Thanks be to God!