Exposed for What I Am
By Weixiao, Spain
It was earlier this year when I was a church leader, and Sister Wang, a gospel team leader, was transferred to another church. One day another sister told me Sister Wang had told other brothers and sisters that I had false leader behaviors, that I was careless in my gospel work, and I didn’t deal with problems that came up quickly enough, which lowered the team’s efficiency and effectiveness. I felt angry, thinking, “Lately I haven’t been doing detailed follow-up, but there’s a good reason. By saying it behind my back instead of to my face, aren’t you trying to cause trouble? What will the brothers and sisters think of me? I won’t let you off easily. I’ll expose your faults, too.” So I said, “Sister Wang has always looked down on me and found fault with me. She’s not a great person, everyone knows that. She never worked well with others, but was really nitpicky. Now she’s targeting me, but I never did anything to her. It might be because I transferred her to another church, so she lost her title as team leader and she wants to take revenge on me for that.” I wanted that sister to think I was okay, that it was Sister Wang’s issue. After the fact I was thinking about how embarrassing that was, that Sister Wang exposed me in front of all those people. If everyone believed her and thought I was a false leader, how would they see me? And if it was reported to upper leadership, I might even lose my position. I was more and more preoccupied with it and started to hate Sister Wang. Wasn’t she clearly singling me out? I figured if she was unkind, she couldn’t blame me for being unfair, so as long as I was leader, she wouldn’t see another promotion. I would bring all her behavior to light, make sure everyone gained discernment, and get her out of the church if I found out she was judging people behind their backs. I wasn’t entirely comfortable with this kind of thinking and wondered if treating her that way was in line with God’s will. God had allowed this to happen, and I wasn’t seeking the truth or self-reflecting, but had my gaze fixed squarely on her, and I wanted to pounce on her faults to counter her. I knew that didn’t show acceptance of the truth.
I gave this some thought that night. Sister Wang said I was a false leader, and I wasn’t having any of it. But really thinking about it, was I a good, competent leader? A leader should have a grasp on every facet of the work and resolve problems as soon as they’re found. I was in charge of gospel work, so when that team ran into problems, I should offer practical help and guidance right away. But I hadn’t been doing much of that. Isn’t a false leader someone who doesn’t do practical work? Sister Wang wasn’t wrong. She didn’t have great humanity, but she wasn’t an evil person. She got results in her duty, and she had some gifts and strengths, so she was good for the work of God’s house. If I didn’t let her do a duty or even kicked her out because of a personal grudge, not only would it hurt Sister Wang, but it would disrupt the work of God’s house. I couldn’t do something to disgust God. At that thought I was able to let go of my bias toward her a bit. I also reflected on what kind of practical work I wasn’t doing. I started making changes in the areas she had mentioned and communicated with brothers and sisters about their difficulties. I felt better after doing that.
At the time I thought it had all passed, but a couple days later another sister said to me, “Sister Wang talked about signs of you being a false leader in a gathering with more than 40 people.” All my anger came to the surface when I heard this, and I thought Sister Wang exposing me in front of so many people really dragged my name through the mud. How could I hold my head up if she kept doing that? I could even be dismissed for being a false leader. I wanted to show her what’s what, so she didn’t think I was a docile little lamb! I’d give her a taste of her own medicine. If she wanted to expose me in front of everyone and damage my reputation, I could find out what she did wrong and collect evidence, then find a chance to clear her out. I was constantly on edge over the next few days, thinking about how to salvage my pride and dignity, how to get back at her. I told the leader at her new church that she didn’t have good humanity and had always been judgmental toward leaders and workers, so she should keep an eye on her and waste no time dismissing her and kicking her out if she sees her acting up. After I said all of that I did feel kind of guilty and uneasy. I thought, “What am I doing? Isn’t this an eye for an eye, isn’t it lashing out and excluding others? What lesson does God want me to learn from this?” Then I finally came before God to pray and seek.
In my seeking, I thought of God’s words exposing antichrists who exclude anyone they disagree with. Almighty God says, “What is the main objective of an antichrist when they attack and exclude a dissenter? They seek to create a situation in the church where there are no voices contrary to their own, in which their power, their rule, and their words are absolute. Everyone must heed them, and if someone has a different opinion, they must keep it to themselves and nip it in the bud. This is a technique used by those who attack and exclude dissenters to consolidate their status. They say, ‘It’s fine for you to have different opinions, but you can’t go around talking about them as you please, much less compromise my power and status. If you have something to say, you can say it to me in private. If you say it in front of everyone and cause me to lose face, you are asking to be snubbed, and I’ll have to take care of you.’ What kind of disposition is this? Antichrists do not permit others to speak freely. If they have an opinion—whether about the antichrist or anything else—they must keep it to themselves; they must consider the antichrist’s face. If not, the antichrist will brand them an enemy, and attack and exclude them. What kind of nature is this? It is the nature of an antichrist. And why do they do this? Because they want continuously to consolidate their power and status in people’s minds, and for their power and status to be firm and unshakable. They do not tolerate anything that will have an effect on, or threaten, their esteem, reputation, or status and value as a leader. Is this not a manifestation of the vicious nature of antichrists? Not content with the power they already possess, they consolidate and secure it and seek absolute domination. Not only do they want to control others’ behavior, but also their hearts. Are such actions not also for the sake of power—inspired and led by a lust for power? … This is especially true when a dissenter is present, and the antichrist hears that the dissenter has said something about them, or criticized them behind their back. In this case they will resolve the matter in short order, going without sleep and food until they do so. How is it that they can exert such effort? It is because they feel that their power has been threatened and that their name, gain, and status have been damaged. If this person tells the truth of this issue, then the antichrist’s status as a leader may be lost. If the news reaches the Above, or the ears of more brothers and sisters, then the Above might replace them, or the brothers and sisters might dismiss them. They may be forced to resign. It is on this ground that they expend so much effort and pay such a price, sometimes missing meals or staying up all night to fellowship on the matter, talking until they are dry in the mouth. What is their objective? It is to fortify their position. For people such as this, position is their lifeblood. As soon as they catch the slightest wind that their status is under threat, they become restless at heart, and they are terrified—fearing that tomorrow, instead of being a leader, they might be a regular brother or sister, and will no longer be able to enjoy the feeling of superiority their status gives them, nor its benefits. No one will comply with them or follow them anymore, no one will try to curry their favor, and no one will be subservient to them. This is what is most unbearable to them” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. They Attack and Exclude Dissenters). “For an antichrist, the dissenter is a threat to their status and power. Whoever threatens their status and power, no matter who it may be, antichrists will go to any lengths to ‘take care’ of them. If these people truly cannot be brought to heel or incorporated into their own forces, then the antichrists will bring them down or purge them. In the end, the antichrists will achieve their goal of having absolute power, and being a law unto themselves. This is one of the techniques that antichrists habitually use to maintain their status—they attack and exclude dissenters” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. They Attack and Exclude Dissenters). God’s words were really poignant and left me afraid. I hadn’t realized that I was able to lash out and exclude someone for my name and status and I was doing an antichrist’s evil. When I heard that Sister Wang had told others I didn’t do practical work, I didn’t accept it from God or reflect on myself, I didn’t think about whether it was true, but just thought she was targeting me and judging me behind my back. It wounded my pride so I started to dislike her and bear a grudge, even wanting to lash out at her. Then when I found out about her exposing me at that larger gathering, I hated her even more. I wanted to salvage my pride and position, so I made a big deal over her past transgressions, and others would think she didn’t have good humanity, and would reject her. I even gathered together some things she’d done and told her current leader so she’d be kicked out. I was well aware that she had gifts and strengths, and did okay in her duty, that she was a good fit to keep doing a duty in the church. I also knew that Sister Wang was revealing real problems of mine, but it touched upon my face and status, so I started to see her as a dissenter, an enemy and a threat to my power. I wanted to get revenge. I saw I really did have a vicious nature! Then I thought about the antichrists that have been expelled from God’s house. They didn’t pursue the truth, so the moment someone threatened their status, they’d lash out, wanting to turn the church into their kingdom, to rule everything. They ended up kicked out for doing too much evil. My behavior was no different from those antichrists’ behavior.
I continued to reflect on myself, on why I’d been a believer for so many years, but couldn’t stop myself from taking an antichrist’s path and doing such evil things. Then in a gathering we read “Those Who Obey God With a True Heart Shall Surely Be Gained by God.” There was one passage that went straight to the core for me, and I finally understood this better. Almighty God says, “Since you believe in God, you must put faith in all of the words of God and in all of His work. Which is to say, since you believe in God, you must obey Him. If you are unable to do this, then it does not matter whether you believe in God or not. If you have believed in God for many years, and yet have never obeyed Him, and do not accept the entirety of His words, and instead ask that God submit to you and act according to your notions, then you are the most rebellious of all, you are a nonbeliever. How could such people be able to obey the work and words of God that do not conform to the notions of man? Most rebellious of all are those who intentionally defy and resist God. They are the enemies of God, the antichrists. Theirs is always an attitude of hostility toward the new work of God; they never have the slightest inclination to submit, nor have they ever gladly submitted or humbled themselves. They exalt themselves before others and never submit to anyone. Before God, they consider themselves the best at preaching the word, and the most skillful in working on others. Never do they discard the ‘treasures’ in their possession, but treat them as family heirlooms for worship, for preaching about to others, and they use them to lecture those fools who idolize them. There are indeed a certain number of people like this in the church. It can be said that they are ‘indomitable heroes,’ generation after generation sojourning in the house of God. They take preaching the word (doctrine) to be their highest duty. Year after year, generation after generation, they go about vigorously enforcing their ‘sacred and inviolable’ duty. None dare touch them; not a single person dares openly reproach them. They become ‘kings’ in the house of God, running rampant as they tyrannize others from age to age. This pack of demons seeks to join hands and demolish My work; how can I allow these living devils to exist before My eyes? Even those who are only half obedient cannot carry on until the end, much less these tyrants without the slightest obedience in their hearts! The work of God is not easily gained by man. Even using all the strength they have, people can only gain a mere portion of it, ultimately allowing them to be made perfect. What, then, of the children of the archangel, who seek to destroy the work of God? Do they not have even less hope of being gained by God?” (The Word Appears in the Flesh). God’s words were so moving for me and I saw His righteous, majestic disposition. Especially this part: “They never submit to anyone. … None dare touch them; not a single person dares openly reproach them. They become ‘kings’ in the house of God, running rampant as they tyrannize others from age to age. This pack of demons seeks to join hands and demolish My work; how can I allow these living devils to exist before My eyes?” That part scared me even more. When Sister Wang exposed me as a false leader, I responded with enmity, discontent, resentment, and resistance. I lashed out viciously out of anger. Even as a church leader, I wouldn’t accept the truth and totally lacked submission. When someone revealed my problems, when my pride was wounded and my position threatened, I wanted to use every means to hold her back and get back at her, even trying to take away her right to do a duty and run her out of the church. I had this malicious mentality, that I wouldn’t rest until I’d totally ruined her. I’d become a “king” in the house of God that no one dared touch. How’s that different from the CCP demons, those dictators? Their motto is “Let those who comply with me thrive and those who resist me perish.” To maintain its rule and consolidate its power, the CCP oppresses, uproots, and completely eradicates anyone who disagrees or dares to criticize the evil it does. Just like at the Tiananmen Square demonstrations, like with the ethnic minorities, and even worse with believers: arresting, oppressing, persecuting us. So many innocent lives have been lost at their hands and they’re bound to be righteously punished by God. I thought about myself: I’d been educated by those communist demons since I was little. Things like “Only I reign supreme,” “Let those who comply with me thrive and those who resist me perish,” “If you’re unkind, don’t blame me for being unfair,” “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.” Lots of satanic poisons had become deeply rooted in my heart and become my rules for survival, making me more arrogant and vicious. I was living by these things, so I was capable of doing evil, oppressing and hurting others. I also thought about all the truths God has expressed about discerning false leaders, but I’d never held myself up to that or reflected on how I acted like a false leader. Now everyone’s learning the truth and waking up, so some people expose and report false leaders. This is practicing the truth and protecting the church’s work—it’s a positive thing. No matter what sort of person the one who exposes me is, whether they’re targeting me, if they say it to my face or not, as long as what they say is the truth, I should accept it from God, and properly accept it, submit, and learn a lesson. That’s accepting the truth and submitting to God. But as for me, not only did I refuse to submit, but I lashed out at the one who exposed me. That wasn’t a personal dispute, but I was rejecting the truth and resisting God. Realizing this, I hated myself and felt kind of afraid. I quickly came before God to pray and repent: “God, I was wrong. When I was exposed, I didn’t reflect on myself or learn a lesson, but I went after her. I can see I really have a vicious nature. God, I want to repent to You. Please guide me.”
I reflected on myself in light of what Sister Wang had said about me and started doing real follow-up on work details. I discovered there really were a lot of problems. Like some who were new to the gospel team weren’t familiar with truths of visions, so they weren’t able to resolve the notions and difficulties of the people they preached to. Some didn’t understand the principles of gospel work, so unsuitable people were being converted. Some didn’t remotely understand the truth even after a while of being watered, and some weren’t interested in the truth and dropped out. It was a waste of a lot of our resources. I brought up the problems I’d seen in a gathering and fellowshiped on the principles to set things right. The brothers and sisters started making plans to equip themselves with truths of visions, and when they didn’t understand or couldn’t clearly fellowship something, we’d have fellowship on it together. Before long, they had more clarity on truths of visions and the team was more successful. I realized God had Sister Wang expose me as a false leader and point out I wasn’t doing practical work to get me to reflect on myself and do my duty well. He was protecting me.
I thought of another passage of God’s words later on: “God works in every single person, and no matter what His method is, what kind of people, matters, and things He makes use of in His service, or what kind of tone His words have, He only has one end goal: saving you. And how does He save you? He changes you. So how could you not suffer a bit? You are going to have to suffer. This suffering can involve many things. Sometimes God raises up an environment around you to lay you bare so that you can come to know yourself, or else you might be directly dealt with, pruned, and exposed. Just like someone on an operating table—only by undergoing some pain and suffering can a good outcome be reached. If every time you are pruned and dealt with, and every time you are laid bare by an environment, it arouses your feelings and gives you a boost, then through this process you will have stature and will enter the reality of the truth. … If God arranges certain environments, people, matters, and things for you, if He prunes and deals with you and if you learn lessons from this, if you have learned to come before God, learned to seek the truth, and, unknowingly, are enlightened and illuminated and attain the truth, if you have experienced a change in these environments, reaped rewards, and made progress, if you begin to have a little comprehension of God’s will and you cease to complain, then all of this will mean that you have stood firm in the midst of the trials of these environments, and have withstood the test. As such, you will have gotten through this ordeal. How will God regard those who withstand the test? God will say that they have a true heart; that they can endure this kind of suffering shows that, deep down, they love the truth and want the truth. If God has this kind of assessment of you, are you not then someone with stature? Do you not then have life? And how is this life attained? Is it bestowed by God? God supplies you in various ways and uses various people, things, and objects to train you. This is as if God is personally giving you food and drink and is holding it right up to your face to feed you and let you enjoy it, and only then can you grow and stand strong. This is how you must view and comprehend these things; this is how to submit to everything that comes from God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. To Gain the Truth, You Must Learn From the People, Matters, and Things Around You). Through all of this I deeply experienced that God was using Sister Wang to expose problems in my duty. It wasn’t easy for me to accept, but it was so beneficial for my life entry. Being dealt with that way helped me see all sorts of characteristics of a false leader in me and motivated me to seek the truth and change. On top of that, I saw my arrogant, vicious nature, that I was able to oppress and exclude someone to protect my name and status. Seeing this made me pursue the truth, cast off corruption, and be cleansed. This was God’s special grace, and His love and salvation for me. I’m so grateful to God!
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