By Zhou Rui, China

In 2014, I was doing watering duty in the church. When I saw many young brothers and sisters becoming leaders, I thought, “Leaders play a directing and guiding role in the church. They also have more chances to train; they resolve more problems for brothers and sisters; their life grows faster; they have a greater hope of being saved than those doing other duties.” So, I really envied those brothers and sisters doing leadership duties. Afterward, I strove hard in my pursuit. Often, when I saw brothers and sisters having difficulties, I would proactively look for God’s words to help resolve their issues. In 2016, I was elected as a church leader. I was so happy! I was even more active in my duty than before. If there was anything I couldn’t understand or do in my duty, I would proactively seek out the sister I cooperated with and the preacher to fellowship and discuss it. Every day, I bustled about the church, fellowshipping in gatherings, supporting weak brothers and sisters, and handling matters both big and small. I believed that by suffering and paying a price like this in my duty, I would have hope of being saved in the future.

A few months later, I was elected as a preacher. At that time, the upper leaders arranged for me to do duties on a remote island, and I was made responsible for the work of three churches. Although the work was somewhat difficult, I never delayed, and if there was anything I couldn’t understand or do in the work, I would proactively consult experienced brothers and sisters, and then actually guide the leaders and deacons in their work. After a while, I achieved some results in my duty. The leaders also praised me, saying that ever since I’d come to the island, various items of work had seen results. Hearing this, I felt quite pleased, thinking, “So long as I do my duty well, a little physical suffering is nothing. After all, the duty I’m doing now offers many opportunities to train, and I’m improving quickly, so my hope of being saved is greater too.”

Six months later, the brothers and sisters elected me as a district leader. I’d only been doing this duty for ten days, when one day in March 2018, after just getting back to the host home, I was arrested by the police. I was detained for over half a year before being released. This was the second time I had been arrested. After my release, due to risks, I could only live church life at home with my mom. At that time I thought, “This is the crucial time for God to save people, yet I can only preach the gospel to friends and relatives at home. The duties I can do are so limited. Also, the opportunities to train are few, and my progress is slow. My chances of being saved like this are very slim.” At this thought, I was unable to muster up any motivation. I became perfunctory in preaching the gospel, relying on my own notions and imaginings, and not seeking principles or discerning whether the people I was preaching to were suitable gospel recipients. As a result, when preaching the gospel to a denominational relative, I was almost reported by her. The relative also mentioned things about believing in God on the phone, so the leader said I was to be suspended from my duty to observe my environment. Hearing this news, I felt utterly weak and helpless. I didn’t know how long this observation would last. At this crucial time, I couldn’t do any duty at all, so my hopes of being saved felt even slimmer. The more I thought about it, the more despondent I became. I started just going through the motions in my devotionals and reading God’s words, my fellowship in gatherings was dry and dull, and sometimes I even felt sleepy and wanted the gatherings to end early. Sometimes I even wondered, “Why do I keep getting arrested again and again? Is God using this situation to eliminate me?” I realized my state had become terrible, so I prayed to God, asking Him to guide me to learn a lesson in this situation.

One day, I read God’s words: “There are others who have taken on some important work and whose status is high. They suffer a bit more than others, are pruned a bit more than others, keep themselves a bit busier than others, and speak a bit more than others. They think, ‘I’ve been put in an important position by God and by His house and I am in favor with my brothers and sisters. What an honor this is. Doesn’t this mean I’ll be blessed before others?’ This, too, is a mentality of trying one’s luck, and it is a kind of notion” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Resolving One’s Notions Can One Embark on the Right Track of Belief in God (2)). “If they can measure God’s work while holding onto these notions and this mentality of trying their luck, is this believing in God? What path are they taking? Is there not something wrong with their pursuit? Why do these things arise in them? Why do they hold onto them and refuse to let go? Some say that it is because they don’t know God. Is this right? This is empty talk. So what exactly is the reason? The people who always hold onto such views and attitudes, and who have these notions and are particularly stubborn in clinging onto them—are they seriously putting effort into God’s words? (No.) They always have a perfunctory attitude toward God’s words, that is, the attitude and view of someone who is looking through a haze. They think that in their belief in God, they only need to know how much they have suffered for God and how much of a price they have paid, how much merit they have earned, what special talents they have, how skilled they are, how high their status is, what kind of ‘moments of companionship in adversity’ they have experienced with God, what special experiences they have had, and what special things God has given them, or what grace and blessings He has given to them that are different from what has been given to other people—they think this is enough. No matter how tightly they cling onto these views, they have never reflected on whether these views of theirs are correct, or which of God’s words and which principles of His work these views conflict with, or whether these views have been validated by God, or whether God works this way, or accomplishes things this way. They have never cared about these issues. Up until now, they have only pondered, ruminated, and dreamed in their own minds. So what has the truth become to them? It has become a decoration. Although these people believe in God, their belief has nothing to do with God or with the truth. So what does their belief have to do with? It has only to do with notions, imaginings, and their own desires, as well as their future blessings and destinations. They haven’t put effort into the truth, so they end up with these results” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Resolving One’s Notions Can One Embark on the Right Track of Belief in God (2)). What God exposed was exactly my state. I thought back on when I was doing watering duties. I saw that leaders and workers could play a leading role in the church, had more opportunities to train, and grew in life quickly, so I felt they had a greater chance of being saved than ordinary brothers and sisters. Controlled by this thought and view, after I started doing leadership duties, I became really active, and was filled with boundless energy. Even when facing the hardest problems, I’d tackle them with a sense of burden, and I’d rely on God to resolve them, believing that in this way, my hopes of being saved would be surely greater than those of other brothers and sisters. Later, I took on the duty of a preacher, and when I thought about being responsible for more churches and having even more chances to train, I felt my hopes of being saved were even greater, so I did my duty even more actively. Even when the leaders arranged for me to go to the most remote island, I still actively did my duty, and no matter how great the physical suffering, I had no complaints. But later, because I was arrested and was at risk, I could only preach the gospel to friends and relatives at home, and the duties I could do were really limited, so I became negative and unmotivated. I became perfunctory in preaching the gospel, without seeking principles or discerning people, and I was almost reported by an evil person. Later, due to risks, my duty needed to be suspended for observation of my surroundings. When I thought about not being able to do any duty at all, and that the prospect of becoming a leader was even slimmer, I wondered how I could possibly be saved in the future. I began to give up on myself, and I just went through the motions when eating and drinking God’s words. I saw that I had always believed in God based on notions and imaginings, thinking that so long as I was given an important position in the church and did leadership duties, my hopes of being saved would be great. But I’d never reflected on whether this pursuit of mine truly aligned with God’s intentions. Over these years, I had never put effort into God’s words. My sole focus had been on seeking to be a leader. I saw that my pursuit ran counter to God’s intentions and requirements, and that continuing this way was really dangerous.

Later, I sought the truth regarding my state. I read God’s words: “Antichrists never obey the arrangements of God’s house, and they always closely link their duty, fame, gain, and status with their hope of gaining blessings and their future destination, as if once their reputation and status are lost, they have no hope of gaining blessings and rewards, and this feels like losing their lives to them. They think, ‘I have to be careful, I mustn’t be careless! God’s house, the brothers and sisters, the leaders and workers, and even god can’t be relied upon. I can’t trust any of them. The person you can rely on most and who is most worthy of trust is yourself. If you’re not making plans for yourself, then who is going to care about you? Who is going to consider your future? Who is going to consider whether or not you’re going to receive blessings? Therefore, I have to make careful plans and calculations for my own sake. I can’t make mistakes or be even slightly careless, otherwise, what will I do if somebody tries to take advantage of me?’ Therefore, they guard themselves against the leaders and workers of God’s house, fearing that somebody will discern or see through them, and that they’ll then be dismissed and their dream of blessings will be spoiled. They think they must maintain their reputation and status in order for them to have hope of gaining blessings. An antichrist sees being blessed as greater than the heavens, greater than life, more important than pursuing the truth, dispositional change, or personal salvation, and more important than doing their duty well, and being a created being that is up to standard. They think that being a created being that is up to standard, doing their duty well and being saved are all paltry things that are hardly worth mentioning or remarking on, while gaining blessings is the only thing in their entire life that can never be forgotten. In whatever they encounter, no matter how great or small, they relate it to being blessed, and are incredibly cautious and attentive, and they always leave a way out for themselves. So when their duty assignment is adjusted, if it is a promotion, an antichrist will think they have hope of being blessed. If it is a demotion, from team leader to assistant team leader, or from assistant team leader to a regular group member, they predict this to be a major problem and they think their hope of gaining blessings is slim. What sort of outlook is it? Is it a proper outlook? Absolutely not. This view is absurd! Whether or not someone gains God’s approval is not based on what duty they do, but on whether they possess the truth, whether they genuinely submit to God, and whether they are loyal. These are the most important things” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Twelve: They Want to Withdraw When They Have No Status or No Hope of Gaining Blessings). God exposes that when doing duties in God’s house, antichrists are solely focused on gaining blessings and pursuing a good destination. They regard these things as more important than pursuing dispositional change or the truth. When antichrists see their hopes of gaining blessings shattered, they can develop doubts, misunderstandings, and complaints toward God, and even oppose His sovereignty and arrangements. This shows that when things befall antichrists, they never learn lessons or seek the truth to resolve them, and that what they reveal is entirely a wicked disposition. Looking then at the disposition I revealed, I saw it was the same as that of an antichrist. Ever since I found God, I fallaciously believed that so long as I could always do leadership duties, I would have great hopes of being saved and entering God’s kingdom. Therefore, I gave my all to fulfill my duty, and I had boundless energy every day. After I was arrested by the great red dragon, the leaders, considering my safety, had me live a church life at home and preach the gospel to the best of my ability. I believed that preaching the gospel didn’t offer as much training as leadership duties and wouldn’t grant much progress, and that my hopes of being saved had become slim. So I became negative, developed misunderstandings, and even complained that God hadn’t protected me, leading to my arrest and inability to do my duty. I saw that my former zeal in my duty hadn’t been for the sake of pursuing the truth or dispositional change, but rather to gain blessings and a good destination. I treated my outward sacrifices, expenditures, and work as capital to try and bargain with God, trying to demand a good destination from Him. My intention was utterly despicable and sordid! How could doing my duty with such an intention not incur God’s loathing? I even imagined the holy God to be like corrupt mankind, lacking fairness and righteousness. I thought that as long as someone could be a leader, God would grace and save them, and that while doing ordinary duties, no matter how hard one pursued, salvation wasn’t guaranteed. I believed that God determines people’s outcomes based on whether they have status or on the significance of their duties. In this, I was denying God’s righteousness, and even more so, I was blaspheming against Him. Realizing these things, I felt very afraid, and gripped by a sense of crisis.

Later, I read God’s words: “You must know what kind of people I desire; those who are impure are not permitted to enter into the kingdom, those who are impure are not permitted to besmirch the holy ground. Though you may have done much work, and worked for many years, in the end if you are still deplorably filthy, then it will be intolerable to the law of Heaven that you wish to enter My kingdom! From the foundation of the world until today, never have I offered easy access to My kingdom to those who curry favor with Me. This is a heavenly rule, and no one can break it! You must seek life. Today, those who will be made perfect are the same kind as Peter: They are those who seek changes in their own disposition, and who are willing to bear testimony to God and fulfill their duty as a created being. Only people such as this will be made perfect. If you only look to rewards, and do not seek to change your own life disposition, then all your efforts will be in vain—this is an unalterable truth!” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Success or Failure Depends on the Path That Man Walks). “I decide the destination of each person not on the basis of age, seniority, amount of suffering, and least of all, the degree to which they invite pity, but according to whether they possess the truth. There is no other choice but this. You must realize that all those who do not follow the will of God shall be punished. This is something that no person can change. Therefore, all those who are punished are so punished for the righteousness of God and as retribution for their numerous evil acts” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Prepare Sufficient Good Deeds for Your Destination). Pondering God’s words, I came to understand that God’s disposition is righteous and holy. If people want to achieve salvation and enter God’s kingdom, they must cast off their satanic corrupt disposition, be able to seek and practice the truth when things happen, have true submission to God, and ultimately live out the reality of God’s words. This is what it means to be a saved person. A person doesn’t necessarily have greater hopes of being saved just because they do leadership duties and have more chances to train, nor does doing other duties mean less hopes of being saved. I thought of Paul. During the time he did his duty, he did much work, and even when arrested and imprisoned, he did not deny the Lord Jesus. But he did all this to gain blessings and a crown, and he never practiced the truth. He had no understanding whatsoever of his own satanic nature that resisted God, and his disposition did not change at all. In the end, he even shamelessly claimed that for him to live was christ, offending God’s disposition and incurring God’s punishment. But Peter was different. Although he didn’t do as much work as Paul, he focused on seeking the truth and knowing God in the things that happened to him. He was able to practice God’s words and change his corrupt disposition, and no matter what God did, he was able to have true submission. Finally, out of love for God and to satisfy God, he was crucified upside down, and he received God’s approval. I saw that regardless of how much work people do, or which duty they do, this is not the standard for being saved. Even if one is a leader or worker, if they don’t focus on practicing the truth and entering reality, and can still often resist and rebel against God, they will ultimately be eliminated.

Later, while watching an experiential testimony video, I saw a passage of God’s words that moved me deeply. Almighty God says: “God’s house cultivates and uses people based on whether they pursue the truth, and on whether they are loyal in doing their duty. Is there a distinction in the hierarchy of various people in God’s house? For the time being, there is no hierarchy in terms of various people’s positions, worth, status, or standing. At least during the period when God works to save and guide people, there is no difference between various people’s ranks, positions, worth, or status. The only things that are different are in the division of work and in the duty roles performed. Of course, during this period, some people, on exception, are promoted and cultivated to do some special jobs, while some people do not receive such opportunities due to various reasons such as problems with their caliber or family environment. But does God not save those who have not received such opportunities? This is not the case. Is their worth and position lower than others’? No. Everyone is equal before the truth, everyone has the opportunity to pursue and gain the truth, and God treats everyone fairly and reasonably” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (5)). From God’s words, I understood that having the status of a leader doesn’t mean a person has an advantage over others, and in God’s house, there’s no hierarchy of duties; it’s just that the duties people do differ according to the needs of the work. Everyone is equal before God. Whether doing leadership duties or single-task duties, this is just an opportunity God gives people to train, and also an opportunity to gain the truth. This allows us to experience God’s words and work in the course of our duties, to know what corrupt dispositions we reveal in our duties, and then, by seeking and practicing the truth, we can achieve genuine repentance and change. I thought about those antichrists who have been expelled. Some of them were once leaders, had high status, and did a lot of work, but they constantly refused to pursue the truth, they were even averse to and hated the truth, and they seriously disrupted and disturbed the work of God’s house in their duties. When they knew their status was threatened and they wouldn’t receive blessings, they weren’t even willing to labor, and they completely abandoned God. Some brothers and sisters doing single-task duties have no status, but when things happen, they focus on reflecting on what corruption they have revealed, and by seeking and practicing the truth, they achieve some change. Such people have hopes of being saved. Looking back at myself, having believed in God for so many years, I saw I hadn’t focused on pondering God’s words or practicing the truth, and that my disposition hadn’t changed at all. Losing the opportunity to do leadership duties that time, I felt I had no hope of gaining blessings, so I lived in a state of negativity and depravity, opposed God, and had no submission to Him at all. For someone like me to believe in God like this and still want to be saved in the end was nothing more than a daydream. Realizing these things, I finally understood that God arranged this situation to correct my wrong perspective behind my pursuit, and to cleanse and change my satanic corrupt disposition. This was God’s salvation and protection for me. I was so grateful to God in my heart! At the same time, I felt remorse for not pursuing the truth, and I silently prayed in my heart, “God, from now on, I will no longer pursue the status of a leader. Whatever duty I can do is all because of Your exaltation. Going forward, I just want to submit and do my duty well, so that Your heart may find comfort.”

After that, I found a path of practice and entry in God’s words. I thought of God’s words: “As a created being, man should seek to fulfill the duty of a created being, and seek to love God without making other choices, for God is worthy of man’s love. Those who seek to love God should not seek any personal benefits or seek that which they personally long for; this is the most correct means of pursuit. If what you seek is the truth, if what you put into practice is the truth, and if what you attain is a change in your disposition, then the path that you tread is the right one. … Whether you will be made perfect or eliminated depends on your own pursuit, which is also to say that success or failure depends on the path that man walks” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Success or Failure Depends on the Path That Man Walks). I understood that as a created being, one shouldn’t do their duty for the sake of blessings or a good destination. Regardless of what a person’s outcome may be, or whether one can ultimately be saved, they should submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, and not make demands of God. That is what it means to be a person with reason. Even if, in the end, they are not saved, that would be caused by their failure to pursue the truth, as God is righteous. I thought about how many brothers and sisters in the church have been arrested and are unable to do their duties, and about how many others are under long-term surveillance by the great red dragon and also find it difficult to do their duties. Although I’ve been arrested twice, I still have the opportunity to do my duty. This is such great grace from God! I must cherish my current duty of preaching the gospel, let go of my wrong perspective behind my pursuit from the bottom of my heart, and give my all to fulfilling my duty.