By Cole, Italy

In June 2018, the leaders arranged for me to coach my brothers and sisters in acting. I was very happy. I thought, “It looks like my acting skills have won the leaders’ approval, so I’ve got to cooperate earnestly.” At first, I was just responsible for coaching the performances of the brothers and sisters in our team. But later, the director arranged for me to cooperate with two sisters to coach actors from other countries and organize group studies. That made me even happier and I walked with my head held high wherever I went. Whenever my brothers and sisters asked me questions about acting, I couldn’t contain my joy when I saw the envy and admiration in their eyes. In January 2024, the leaders arranged for me to play the main character in a movie. I was thrilled to hear the news, but I was also a little worried. “I’ve always played villains in the past, and even when I played positive characters, they were minor parts with little screen time. But this time, I’m the lead. This role is so important; if I mess it up, it’ll be so embarrassing! Also, the main character in this movie goes through many emotional experiences I’ve never had. If I can’t pull it off, won’t my brothers and sisters look down on me? They’ll say that after all these years doing my duty as an actor and even coaching others in acting, I can’t even act well myself and my skills just aren’t up to par.” But then I thought, “That the leaders asked me to play the lead shows that they approve of my acting skills and believe I’m capable of this role. I’ll just slowly solve any difficulties on my own in secret; I can’t be looked down on by my brothers and sisters. Besides, playing this role is God exalting me. I have to have a conscience, and can’t shirk my duty.” So, I joined my brothers and sisters, and we threw ourselves into rehearsals and filming.

During one emotional scene, I just couldn’t get into character and was getting really anxious. “This is a really important scene. If I don’t act well, what will my brothers and sisters think of me? I’ve never done a scene like this before, and I don’t really get some of the details. What am I going to do?” I rushed to watch similar movie clips and videos, terrified I’d hold up the shoot because I couldn’t find the right emotion. A brother noticed my difficulty and suggested, “If you’re not sure how to play this part, you could ask the brothers and sisters who have played positive roles before. They’re sure to know some of the details, and that would give you a direction in your performance.” Hearing this, I thought, “Ask them? How could I swallow my pride? Asking for help back when I was playing minor roles—that was fine, but this time I’m the main character. I got the lead role because I’m a good actor. If I go asking for help, what will my brothers and sisters think of me when they find out? They’ll definitely say, ‘You don’t understand anything, and your acting’s not that great!’ Besides, I used to be the one coaching their performances. Now, if I ask them for advice, won’t that just show my acting skills are poor and everything I taught them before was just theory? Then everyone would really see right through me.” Though I said I agreed, I didn’t actually go and ask anyone. Later, the director reminded me several times to ask my brothers and sisters for help, but the thought of losing face always held me back. To keep the others from looking down on me, I racked my brains for ways to stir up my emotions, even mimicking how nonbelieving actors performed. I thought, “I have to get this scene right, no matter what. I can’t let them see that my acting skills aren’t good enough. If I mess this up, I’ll completely lose face!” During the shoot, I gave it my all in trying to bring out my emotions, but the performance still fell flat. The director saw I was struggling and fellowshipped with me about the emotions in the scene. So that people wouldn’t spot that my acting skills weren’t up to it, I said, “I know all these emotions already. I’m just not feeling them fully yet. I just need a little more time to get into it.” But no matter what I tried, nothing worked well. After the shoot, the director said my performance was artificial, tense, and too melancholy. I felt awful when I heard this. I wanted to play the part well, but before this, I’d rarely pondered the mindset and emotions that this type of character should have, so I just couldn’t do it right. I knew I should seek help from my brothers and sisters, but the thought of asking someone else just made me want to back out. “After all, I used to coach other people in acting, and now I’m the lead. I can’t let everyone see I’m not up to it. Forget it. I’ll just learn how to do it on my own. I just wasn’t feeling my emotions fully enough this time. Once I’ve had a little time to get into it, these problems will be resolved.”

One time, the director reached out to a sister who had played a lead role before to discuss the issues in our acting and share what she’d learned from her performances with us. But I wasn’t really listening. I thought, “I used to be the one leading everyone’s studies, and now it’s the other way around: They’ve got this sister to teach me how to act. This is utterly humiliating! If I ask her basic acting questions, what will she think of me? Won’t she say I haven’t even mastered the acting techniques I’ve been teaching everyone all these years, and that everything I’ve been saying has just been theory? I’ll completely lose face!” So, even though I was sitting there listening, I was tormented inside. I really wanted to open up about my difficulties and talk with the sister, but I thought, “If I tell her my difficulties, won’t she see right through me? That won’t do! I can’t say anything.” So, I just couldn’t bring myself to ask anything, I didn’t take in anything she fellowshipped, and I just wanted the session to be over. Later, when we started filming again, my problems still hadn’t been solved. The shoot progressed very slowly. The original shooting schedule kept getting pushed back. Some scenes that had already been finished had to have pickup shots done or even be completely reshot afterward because my performance and emotions weren’t right. When the first rough cut was finished, I was stunned when I saw the edited video. My expression was miserable, and my performance was forced and unnatural. I hadn’t brought out the character’s essential qualities at all. I even came across as a bit pathetic and spineless. The performance couldn’t achieve the effect of bearing witness to God at all. I was especially struck when one sister said, “I could see you were crying sadly, but I just wasn’t moved by it.” I was completely stunned. I thought, “But I worked so hard. Why did it turn out like this? What are my brothers and sisters going to think of me? They’re definitely going to wonder what I’m doing playing the lead when my acting isn’t that good!” During those days, I avoided my brothers and sisters whenever I saw them. I felt too ashamed to face anyone. I was really despondent and had no energy for my duty. Later, I reflected on myself. I knew I had shortcomings, but I just couldn’t bring myself to open up to others. What was the root of this problem?

One time during my spiritual devotions, I read a passage of God’s words and gained some understanding of my state. Almighty God says: “People are inherently created beings. Can created beings achieve omnipotence? Can they achieve perfection and flawlessness? Can they achieve proficiency in everything, come to understand everything, see everything clearly, and be capable of everything? They cannot. However, within people, there is a corrupt disposition, a fatal weakness: As soon as they learn a skill or profession, people feel that they are capable, that they are people with status and worth, and that they are professionals. No matter what their true measure is, they all want to package themselves as some famous or exceptional individual, to become a somewhat well-known figure, and make others think they are perfect and flawless, without a single defect; they wish to be seen by other people as some capable, powerful, exceptional, or famous and great individual, with a grand and imposing image, the ability to do anything, and nothing they cannot do. They feel that if they sought others’ help, they would appear incapable and inferior, and that people would look down on them. For this reason, they always want to keep up a front. Some people, when asked to do something, say they know how to do it when they actually do not. Afterward, in secret, they look it up and try to learn how to do it, but it turns out that after studying it for several days, they still do not understand how to do it. When asked how they are getting on with it, they say, ‘It’s almost done, almost!’ But in their hearts, they’re thinking, ‘It’s nowhere near close to being done, I have no idea, I don’t know what to do! I must not let the cat out of the bag, I must continue putting on a front, I can’t let people see my shortcomings and ignorance, I can’t let them look down on me!’ What problem is this? This is suffering just to save face at all costs. What kind of disposition is this? Such people’s arrogance knows no bounds, they have lost all reason. They do not want to be regular people, they don’t want to be ordinary people, normal people, but superhumans, exceptional individuals, or capable people. This is such a huge problem! With regard to the weaknesses, shortcomings, ignorance, foolishness, and lack of understanding within normal humanity, they will wrap it all up, and not let other people see it—they keep disguising themselves. … Tell Me, are people of this type not always living in a haze? Are they not dreaming? They do not know themselves, they do not know who they are, and they do not know how to live out normal humanity. They have never done what humans ought to do in a grounded manner, nor have they ever lived like a normal person. They always live in a haze, in a muddleheaded way; they do not do things in a down-to-earth manner, but always live by their imaginings. This means trouble. They do not know how to conduct themselves, and the life path they have chosen is wrong” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Five Conditions That Must Be Met to Embark on the Right Track of Belief in God). I felt a sudden jolt when I read God’s words. My state was exactly the one God had exposed. God says that once people learn a skill, they think they’re capable and want to put up a front, presenting themselves as an expert. Even though they have shortcomings, they refuse to ask others for help, seeing doing this as a weakness that will cause others to look down on them. So, they put on a disguise. Was I not exactly that kind of person? I had put myself on a pedestal as an expert and couldn’t get down. I thought being cast as the lead in this movie showed that my acting skills were good, so when I ran into difficulties, I tried to figure things out on my own instead of asking for help, because I felt I would debase myself by asking others. To keep others from seeing through me and looking down on me, I refused to open up about my shortcomings and difficulties. As a result, I could never find the right emotion during the shoot. A brother reminded me to ask experienced brothers and sisters, but I was worried they’d find out I couldn’t even figure out such a small problem and that they’d look down on me, so I didn’t ask. When the director saw I was struggling, he tried to help me analyze the character’s emotions. But I was afraid he’d look down on me, so I made an excuse, saying I couldn’t do it because I couldn’t feel the emotions strongly enough. What I meant was, it wasn’t my acting that was the problem—if I could just feel the emotions properly, I could definitely perform the scene. I was constantly trying to save face, not wanting anyone to say I wasn’t capable of it. Later, when the director brought in a sister to share her acting experience, I felt even more strongly that opening up and asking her questions would expose even more of my shortcomings. So even though I had many questions I wanted to ask, I couldn’t bring myself to open my mouth. Time and again, I disguised myself and put on a front. This meant my problems were never resolved, and the constant pickup shots delayed the movie’s progress. God says: “What kind of disposition is this? Such people’s arrogance knows no bounds, they have lost all reason. They do not want to be regular people, they don’t want to be ordinary people, normal people, but superhumans, exceptional individuals, or capable people. This is such a huge problem!” I had always thought that being the lead and having always coached my brothers and sisters in how to act meant I was one of the best, so I couldn’t let anyone see my shortcomings or weaknesses. I was so arrogant! I’m just a created being; it’s perfectly normal to have shortcomings. Besides, I’ve rarely played positive roles. I should have treated my inability to perform and my problems correctly, and open up and ask my brothers and sisters for help. That’s the only way I could make up for my shortcomings and do my duty well. But I was so arrogant I had no reason. I thought that because I had trained others and was playing the lead, I was better than everyone else and had to outperform them in every way. So I constantly disguised myself and put up a front. In the end, not only did I fail to do my duty well, but I also delayed the church’s work. Realizing this, I was truly remorseful and prayed to God, “God, I’ve been so arrogant. I haven’t been able to face my own problems and shortcomings during this time. I’ve been constantly living in a state of disguise and putting up a front, and I’ve seriously delayed the movie’s progress. Oh God, I am willing to repent. Please lead me to reflect on myself more deeply and learn my lessons.”

One day, I read God’s words and gained some more understanding of myself. Almighty God says: “Regardless of the context, no matter what duty they do, an antichrist will try and give the impression that they aren’t weak, that they are always strong, full of faith, and never negative, so that people never see their real stature or real attitude toward God. In fact, in the depths of their heart, do they really believe there is nothing they cannot do? Do they genuinely believe that they are without weakness, negativity, or revelations of corruption? Absolutely not. They are good at putting on an act, adept at hiding things. They like showing people their strong and splendid side; they don’t want them to see the side of them that is weak and true. Their purpose is obvious: It is, quite simply, to maintain their vanity and pride, to protect the place they have in people’s hearts. They think that if they open up before others about their own negativity and weakness, and about the side of them that is rebellious and corrupt, this will grievously damage their status and reputation, and be more trouble than it’s worth. So they would rather die than admit to having times when they are weak, rebellious, and negative. Even if a day does come when everyone sees the side of them that is weak and rebellious, when they see that they are corrupt, and have not changed at all, they will still keep putting on an act. They think that if they admit to having corrupt dispositions, to being an ordinary person, someone who is insignificant, then they will lose their place in people’s hearts, will lose everyone’s worship and adoration, and thus will have utterly failed. And so, whatever happens, they will not open up to people in a guileless manner; whatever happens, they will not relinquish their power and status to anyone else; instead, they will try as hard as they can to compete, and will never give up” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Ten)). God says that to protect their reputation and status, antichrists never open up to others about their negative, weak, rebellious, or corrupt side. They believe that doing so would make them seem inferior and would cost them their status and good image in other people’s hearts. They disguise themselves and put up a front at every turn, and even if they’re seen through, they continue to disguise themselves. What I had revealed was also the disposition of an antichrist. I had been constantly living by satanic poisons like “People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark” and “Face is priceless,” feeling that no matter what, I couldn’t let people look down on me and I had to maintain a good image in their hearts. I remember my mom often telling me when I was little, “Always put your best face forward.” “Isn’t a person’s whole life about living for face? We can’t let people look down on us. Anything is worth it, as long as it makes people admire you.” Educated in this way by my mother, I saved my face at every turn, always trying to show my best side to others. Even if I didn’t understand or know how to do something, I’d pretend I did and force myself to do it. I was the same way after I came to believe in God. When the leaders had me coach my brothers and sisters in their performances and organize everyone to study together, I saw that they all looked up to me, and I started to believe my acting skills were already mature. When I was cast as the lead this time, I didn’t dare ask anyone for help readily, even when I had difficulties. I disguised myself with all my might, terrified of losing my good image in the eyes of my brothers and sisters. Later, when the director invited a sister to share her experience and help me, I refused to open up and seek help even though I clearly had many difficulties, all to protect my good image. Because I couldn’t get into character, I seriously delayed the movie’s progress. In my duty, I not only failed to exalt God or bear witness to Him; instead, I was constantly protecting my good image in the eyes of my brothers and sisters. I was even willing to delay the shoot rather than accept the sister’s help. I had no conscience or reason at all! I was walking the path of an antichrist! If I kept going like this, I would end up being spurned and eliminated by God. I had to quickly turn the perspective behind my pursuit around and stop upholding my image and status. I prayed to God, “Almighty God, You’ve still given me the chance to do my duty today. This is Your great mercy. I can’t continue to rebel against and resist You. Please lead me so I can open up, be an honest person, and fulfill my duty and satisfy You.”

Later, there were some changes in the script, and the movie had to be reshot. The Church let me continue to play the role. I was grateful but also deeply ashamed. I resolved to earnestly repent, adjust my mindset, and give my all to the work. One day, I read a passage of God’s words and found a path of practice. Almighty God says: “Tell Me, how can you be someone who is ordinary and normal? How can you, as God says, assume the proper place of a created being, not trying to be some great figure or a superhuman? How should you practice to be an ordinary and normal person? How can this be achieved? Who would like to speak? (First of all, we have to admit that we are ordinary people, very common people, and that there are many things we don’t get, don’t understand, and can’t see through. We must admit that we are corrupt and flawed. After that, we have to have a sincere heart and often come before God to seek.) First, don’t give yourself a title and then let it box you in, saying, ‘I am the leader, I am the team head, I am the supervisor, or I’m the most knowledgeable and technically proficient person in the field.’ Don’t be inhibited by your self-appointed title. As soon as this happens, it will bind you tightly; your words and actions will be affected by it, as will your normal thinking and judgment. You must free yourself from the constraints of this status. First, step down from the position of this official title, and assume the position of an ordinary person. Your mindset will then become somewhat normal. You also have to admit: ‘I don’t know how to do this, and I don’t understand that—I have to do some research and studying,’ or ‘I’ve never experienced this, so I don’t know what to do.’ When you can say what you’re really thinking and speak honestly like this, you will be possessed of normal reason. If you allow others to know the real you, they will have a normal view of you, and you will not have to put on a facade. You’ll no longer feel heavily pressured, and you’ll be able to communicate with others normally. Living like this is free and easy. Anyone who feels life is too exhausting has only themselves to blame. Don’t pretend or conceal anything. First, open up about what you’re thinking in your heart and your true thoughts, so that everyone is aware of them and understands them. In this way, your concerns, as well as the barriers and suspicions between you and others, will all be eliminated. In addition, there’s something else that’s binding you too, which is that you always consider yourself the head of the team, a leader or a worker, someone with a title, with status and standing—if you then say you don’t understand this and are incapable of doing that, isn’t that demeaning yourself? When you let go of these fetters in your heart, when you stop thinking of yourself as a leader or a worker, and when you stop thinking you’re better than other people and instead feel that you’re an ordinary person, the same as everyone else, and that there are some areas in which you’re inferior to others, then when you fellowship on the truth and work-related matters with this mindset, both the results and the atmosphere will be different. … Everyone, whether they are leaders and workers or brothers and sisters, is an ordinary person. They should all practice this principle. Everyone has a share in and responsibility for the practice of God’s word. You may be a leader, a worker, the head of a team, a supervisor, or a person highly regarded from among the group. No matter who you are, you should learn to practice in this way. Take off the halo and title you wear on your head, take off the crowns others have bestowed on you. Then, you will find it easy to become a normal person and, with ease, you will act on the basis of conscience and reason. Of course, after that, it is not enough to simply admit that you don’t understand and don’t know. This is not the ultimate solution that solves the problem. What is the ultimate solution? Bring matters and difficulties before God to pray and seek. It’s not enough for one person to pray alone. Instead, together with everyone, you must offer prayers concerning this matter and shoulder this responsibility and obligation. That is a wonderful way to do things! You will avoid taking the path of trying to be a great figure and a superman. If you can do this, you will unconsciously assume the proper place of a created being and free yourself from the constraints of the ambition and desire to be a superman and a great figure” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Treasuring God’s Words Is the Foundation of Belief in God). God’s words made it crystal clear. I’m just a tiny created being. I’ve never learned any professional performance knowledge at all. Being able to do my duty as an actor in God’s house today is God’s exaltation, and it would be impossible without the enlightenment and guidance of the Holy Spirit. I remember one shoot where my emotions weren’t full enough. I tried everything, but to no avail. All I could do was pray earnestly to God. Later, under God’s leadership, I got into character, and the shoot was a success. I never could have pulled it off without God’s enlightenment and guidance. Now I need to let go of my pride and status, face my shortcomings square on, and do my utmost in the things I am capable of, and if there’s anything I can’t do or don’t understand, I should ask my brothers and sisters more for help, and also pray and rely on God more. So I made a list of the problems in my performance and sent it to a few brothers and sisters, asking for their help. The moment I sent the message, I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, and my heart was at ease. I got their replies very quickly. They all gave me some suggestions for my problems and also shared how they find the right emotions during filming. They laid out several paths of practice for me and encouraged me to earnestly act the role. I was so moved and felt so warm reading their suggestions and encouragement. Their advice helped me a lot, and I then knew how to solve the problems in my performance.

I quickly threw myself into a new round of shoots. When it was time to shoot the emotional scenes again, I followed the methods my brothers and sisters had taught me and discussed specific details of the performance with the director beforehand. When I couldn’t get into character, I opened up about it, and the director and my brothers and sisters would all come and help me. After filming, I’d send the video to my brothers and sisters and ask them what problems still remained in my performance. When they pointed out issues, I would quickly make adjustments and improve. The next time I acted, my emotions were much fuller. I got into character quickly, and the results of the shoot were much better than before. Some of the clips were very moving for the brothers and sisters who watched them, and the progress of the shoot picked up significantly.

Now, whenever I don’t understand something and think about disguising myself and putting up a front, I consciously practice being an honest person. I open up about my problems and seek principles and paths forward with my brothers and sisters, and the problems I don’t understand are resolved quickly. Through this experience, I’ve realized that fronts and disguises can’t solve any problems. Only by practicing according to God’s words, guilelessly opening up, and being an honest person can you solve problems and fulfill your duty; only then can you have true peace and ease in your heart. Thank God!