Not Being a Slave to Marriage Is True Freedom
By Cheng Na, ChinaMy former husband divorced me because I can’t get pregnant. Later, I found my current husband. At the time, he had two...
My family was very poor when I was a child. My father only earned work points in the production team and didn’t care about household matters, and my mother couldn’t rely on my father when she was wronged or faced hardships. She looked after everything by herself and suffered a lot. I thought, “When I marry, I must find a man who is family-oriented, responsible, and reliable, or at the very least, someone who will protect me and stand up for me when I face difficulties.” But things didn’t go as I hoped. After marriage, I found that my husband was irresponsible, and he was completely indifferent to me, so caring for our child and managing the household all fell on me. Later, he started having affairs elsewhere and often didn’t come home at night. I really couldn’t take it anymore and we divorced. After the divorce, I was adrift, I had no one to rely on, and I felt utterly alone and helpless. I longed more and more for a stable home, and for someone who could help me in difficulties and who was willing to listen to me. In 2006, I met my current husband. He was upright and kind, and though he wasn’t wealthy, he treated me very well and cared about me a lot. He was willing to listen to me, and he even helped pay for my daughter’s insurance. I was very touched, and I felt that he was responsible and reliable and someone I could depend on. Before long, we got married. I deeply cherished this marriage. To support our child’s education, we opened a small store. My husband was very hardworking and capable, and no matter what happened, he always stepped up to handle it, and I never had to worry or feel burdened. I was so happy, and I felt I finally had someone to rely on and a stable home.
In 2013, my husband and I accepted Almighty God’s work in the last days. We attended gatherings and read God’s words together, and I often thought, “It’s so good that we believe in God together, and that nobody persecutes us or stands in our way! In the future, we can both be saved.” I was very happy. But gradually, I noticed that my husband wasn’t pursuing the truth, and that he rarely read God’s words and was relentlessly fixated on people and things. In 2018, my husband stopped believing. From then on, he seemed like a completely different person, and whenever the sisters came for a gathering, he always wore a grim expression. One time, a sister came over for a gathering, and he immediately glared and shouted, “What are you doing here? Get out right now!” The sister had no choice but to leave quickly. Afterward, no matter what I said, he wouldn’t listen, and as I was afraid of making him angry, I stopped saying anything. I thought to myself, “We used to have such a good relationship, so I shouldn’t argue with him about matters of faith, as this will affect our relationship.” Later, the church leader had to arrange for me to attend gatherings elsewhere. Sometimes, when I returned late from a gathering, my husband would pull a long face and criticize me for coming back so late, so every time I went to a gathering, I was always under time constraints. I was afraid that if he came home and the meal wasn’t ready, he would be unhappy.
One time during a gathering, the leader was fellowshipping God’s words, and at first, I was able to listen attentively, but as it got closer to mealtime, and I saw that she still had no intention of stopping, my heart started to roil, “Why haven’t you finished yet? Look at the time! I still have to go home and cook for my husband. If I’m home late, we might end up arguing again. Wouldn’t that make our relationship even more strained?” I became so anxious that I couldn’t sit still or listen to what the sister was saying, and I said, “It’s time to go.” And the sister had to hastily end the gathering. With a sullen expression, I immediately left. Almost every time I was on my way home after a gathering, my heart was on edge. If I got home and saw that my husband wasn’t there, my anxious heart would finally relax, but if he was home, I would nervously rush to cook, afraid that he would be unhappy. The more I gave in to him, the more he escalated, and if something didn’t go his way or I upset him by saying the wrong thing, he would lose his temper. He said, “You spend all day at gatherings and reading God’s word—what can I count on you for? We are not of the same spirit or path. Sooner or later, we’ll have to part ways!” When I heard my husband say we would eventually separate, I felt afraid of living alone again. But I didn’t want to leave God either, and I was in immense pain. I thought to myself, “We worked hard to finally build a perfect home, and he’s treated me pretty well too. If I really leave him, could I still have this kind of life?” To keep our family together, I became even more cautious. Sometimes, when my husband was working, I would rather read less of God’s word and help him instead, just to keep him happy. I also took care of all the housework, prepared three meals a day exactly to his liking, and even if he said unpleasant things, I didn’t argue, as I didn’t want to provoke another fight.
One time, two sisters came to my house to discuss something with me, and my husband suddenly stormed out of the bedroom and drove them away. Afterward, he also warned me, “No sisters in the house. If they come back, I’ll call the police.” Seeing my husband repeatedly intensifying his behavior and pushing further, I thought, “Isn’t this forcing me to give up my faith? I can’t abandon my faith, so maybe I should just leave him.” But then I thought, “How would I be able to live alone after leaving him?” I was really afraid of living alone, and I couldn’t bear to leave him. Several times, when my husband asked me to help with his work, it happened to be my duty time, and I’d always choose to please my husband and abandon my duty. Sometimes, whenever something displeased him even a little, he would criticize and mock me, until one day I couldn’t help but argue back, saying, “You know that believing in God is a good thing, so why do you keep giving me a hard time? What’s wrong with me attending gatherings and doing my duties? Do I not do all the housework? Would you be happier if I were like others, always playing mahjong, partying, and neglecting our home?” Seeing me argue back, he became even angrier, and he raised his voice, glared at me, and said fiercely, “Don’t push me. If you really make me mad, I’ll throw all your stuff out!” I thought to myself, “Is this man not a devil? He hates both God and the truth!” I then thought of God’s words: “Believers and nonbelievers are not compatible; rather, they are opposed to one another” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God and Man Will Enter Into Rest Together). My husband no longer believed in God. We were now of different paths and spirits, and we simply couldn’t connect. He kept escalating his persecution of my faith, and I often thought about just leaving him, but when I thought about living alone and desolate after divorce, about how I’d have no one to shield me from life’s hardships, and about how the family I’d worked so hard to build would be shattered, I just couldn’t make up my mind. In my pain, I came before God in prayer, “Oh God, my husband is persecuting me more and more severely. I am constrained by him in both my gatherings and duties. I feel great pain in my heart and I don’t know what to do. In this situation, what lessons should I learn? Please enlighten, illuminate, and guide me.”
During my devotionals, I read God’s words: “Once they’re married, some people are prepared to devote all they can do to their married life, and they prepare to strive, struggle, and work hard for their marriage. Some desperately earn money and suffer and, of course, even more entrust their life’s happiness to their partner. They believe that whether they will be happy and joyful in life depends on what their partner is like, whether they’re a good person; whether their personality and interests match their own; whether they are someone who can bring home the bacon and run a family; whether they are someone who can ensure the basic necessities for them in the future, and provide them with a happy, stable, wonderful family; and whether they are someone who can comfort them when they encounter any pain, tribulation, failure or setback. To verify these things, they pay special attention to their partner while they’re living together. With great care and attention, they observe and record their partner’s thoughts, views, speech and behavior, every move they make, as well as any of their strengths and weaknesses. They remember in detail all the thoughts, views, words, and behaviors revealed by their partner in life, so that they can better understand their partner. At the same time, they also hope to be better understood by their partner, they let their partner into their heart, and they let themselves into their partner’s heart so that they can better restrain each other, or so that they can be the first person to appear before their partner whenever something happens, the first person to help them, the first person to stand up and support them, encourage them, and be their solid support. In such living conditions as these, the husband and wife seldom try to discern what kind of person their partner is, living entirely in their feelings for their partner, and using their feelings to care for their partner, tolerate them, handle all their faults, flaws, and pursuits, even to the point of responding to their every beck and call. For example, a woman’s husband says, ‘Your gatherings go on for too long. Just go for half an hour and then come home.’ She replies, ‘I’ll do my best.’ Sure enough, next time she goes to a gathering for half an hour and then returns home, and her husband now says, ‘That’s more like it. Next time, just go and show your face and then come back.’ She says, ‘Oh, so that’s how much you miss me! Okay then, I’ll do my best.’ Sure enough, she doesn’t disappoint him the next time she goes to a gathering, and comes home after ten minutes or so. Her husband is very pleased and happy, and says, ‘That’s better!’ If he wants her to go east, she doesn’t dare go west; if he wants her to laugh, she doesn’t dare cry. He sees her reading God’s words and listening to hymns and he hates it and feels disgusted, and says, ‘What’s the use in reading those words and singing those songs all the time? Can’t you just not read those words or sing those songs while I’m at home?’ She replies, ‘Okay, okay, I won’t read them anymore.’ She doesn’t dare to read God’s words or listen to hymns anymore. With her husband’s demands, she finally understands that he doesn’t like her believing in God or reading God’s words, so she keeps him company when he’s at home, watching TV together, eating their meals, chatting, and even listening to him vent his grievances. She will do anything for him, so long as it makes him happy. She believes that these are the responsibilities a spouse ought to fulfill. So, when does she read God’s words? She waits for her husband to go out, then locks the door behind him and hurriedly begins to read. When she hears someone at the door, she quickly puts the book away and is so frightened she dares not read it anymore. And when she opens the door she sees that it isn’t her husband returning—it was a false alarm, so she keeps reading. As she continues to read, she feels on tenterhooks, she’s nervous and fearful, thinking, ‘What if he really does come home? I’d better not read anymore for now. I’ll give him a call and ask where he is and when he’ll be back.’ So she rings him up and he says, ‘Work is a bit busy today, so I might not be home until three or four o’clock.’ This calms her down, but can her mind still settle down so she can read God’s words? It can’t; her mind has been disturbed. She hurries before God to pray, and what does she say? Does she say her belief in God lacks faith, that she’s afraid of her husband, and cannot quiet her mind to read God’s words? She feels she can’t say these things, so she has nothing to say to God. But then she closes her eyes and clasps her hands together. She calms down and doesn’t feel so flustered, so she goes to read God’s words, but the words don’t sink in. She thinks, ‘Where was I reading just now? Where did I get to in my contemplations? I’ve totally lost my train of thought.’ The more she thinks about it, the more annoyed and uneasy she feels: ‘I just won’t read today. It’s no big deal if I miss my spiritual devotions this once.’ What do you think? Is life going well for her? (No.) Is this marital distress or marital happiness? (Distress.)” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (11)). What God said described my behavior exactly. I’d always regarded marriage as a safe haven, and my husband as someone I could rely on. As a child, I saw how hard it was for my mother to manage the household alone, and that my father was of no help, and I felt that my mother was truly pitiful, so I wanted to find a responsible man I could rely on. But against my expectation, my first husband turned out to be irresponsible and lacking in a sense of duty, and eventually, we divorced. I then lived a lonely life filled with suffering and without support. Later, I met my current husband, and he cared for me and cherished me. I didn’t have to worry about household matters, and he even paid for my daughter’s insurance, so I thought he was responsible and dependable. As the saying goes, “A house full of children is not as good as a companion met later in life.” I also agreed with this saying. Although I have a daughter, I might not be able to count on her in the future, so I still had to rely on my husband. I saw my husband as my support for the rest of my life, and as my safe haven, so to maintain this family, I didn’t mind hardship or exhaustion. I obeyed him in every way so that he wouldn’t find faults with me, and so long as we could spend the rest of our lives together like this, I was content. Even after finding God, I still valued marriage highly. When my husband kept hindering my faith, I was afraid of our marriage breaking apart and losing this family, so I always obeyed him. When he forbade sisters from coming to our home for gatherings, I feared that arguing with him would affect our relationship, so I obeyed him and stopped hosting at home. If a gathering lasted too long, I worried about coming home late and delaying cooking for my husband, and I would even interrupt the leader before her fellowship was finished, disturbing the gathering. When my duty conflicted with family harmony, I was afraid of my husband getting angry and our relationship then being affected, so I always chose to please him and abandon my duty. To satisfy my husband, I delayed my pursuit of the truth and missed opportunities to gain it. I didn’t fulfill the duty and responsibility of a created being. I made my husband my support and I obeyed him in all things. I’d watch his expressions at every turn in my duty, was constrained by him, and I felt really repressed and aggrieved. Such a marriage was full of troubles, not happiness. I continued seeking, “How should I approach marriage?”
Later, I read God’s words: “God has ordained marriage for you only so that you may learn to fulfill your responsibilities, learn to live peacefully together with another person and share life together, and experience what life shared with your partner is like and how to handle all the things you encounter together, making your life richer and more different. However, He does not sell you out to marriage and, of course, He does not sell you to your partner to be their slave. You are not their slave, and they are not your slave master, either. You are equals. You only have the responsibilities of a wife or a husband to your partner, and when you fulfill these responsibilities, God considers you to be a satisfactory wife or husband. There is nothing your partner has that you do not, and you are not worse than your partner. … In terms of fleshly relationships, apart from your parents, the one who is closest to you in this world is your spouse. Yet because you believe in God, they treat you like an enemy and attack and persecute you. They object to you attending gatherings, if they hear any gossip, they come home to scold and mistreat you. Even when you’re praying or reading God’s words at home and not affecting the normality of their life at all, they will still scold and oppose you, and even beat you. Tell Me, what kind of thing is this? Are they not a demon? Is this the person who’s closest to you? Does someone like this deserve to have you fulfill any responsibility toward them? (No.) No, they don’t! And so, some people who are in this kind of marriage are still at their partner’s beck and call, willing to sacrifice everything, sacrifice the time they should spend performing their duty, the opportunity to perform their duty, and even their opportunity to attain salvation. They shouldn’t do these things, and at the very least they should relinquish such ideas. … God’s purpose in ordaining marriage is so that you can have a partner, to go through the ups and downs of life and pass through every stage of life in the company of your partner, so that you’re not alone or lonely in every stage of life, to have someone beside you, someone to confide your innermost thoughts to, and someone to comfort and take care of you. However, God doesn’t use marriage to bind you, or to bind your hands and feet, so that you have no right to choose your own path and become a slave to marriage. God has ordained marriage for you and arranged a partner for you; He hasn’t found you a slave master, nor does He want you to be confined within your marriage without your own pursuits, your own life goals, without the correct direction for your pursuits, and without the right to seek salvation. On the contrary, whether you’re married or not, the greatest right God has bestowed on you is the right to pursue your own life goals, to establish the correct outlook on life, and to seek salvation. No one can take this right away from you, and no one can interfere with it, including your spouse” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (11)). God’s words moved me deeply. God doesn’t want us to lose our dignity or integrity because of marriage, nor does He want us to abandon our duties and responsibilities, and lose our chance at salvation. God also does not want us to be bound hand and foot by marriage and willingly become its slaves. I had to break free from the shackles of marriage, and stop being constrained and bound by my husband, as only then could I live with dignity and integrity. I clearly knew believing in God was the right path in life, and that doing one’s duty is the responsibility and obligation of a created being, but I lived according to thoughts and views instilled by Satan. I believed that “Men are the heads of the household,” and “Marriage is a safe haven.” Seeing that my husband treated me well in daily life, I regarded him as my pillar of support. And when he tried all he could to persecute and obstruct me in my gatherings and duties, in order to please my husband, I gladly became his slave. I toiled without complaint to prepare three meals a day, always watched his expressions, and I obeyed him in everything. I kept compromising for him, but he just kept escalating, constantly obstructing and persecuting me. Not only was I constrained in gatherings, but I also failed to fulfill my duty as a created being. How could I live with dignity and integrity this way? God ordains marriage for people to experience its joys and hardships, to enrich their experience of life, to learn to handle various people, events, and things in life, and to support and accompany each other as spouses in life. God did not sell me out to marriage. I am not my husband’s slave; we are equals. But to maintain our home, I obeyed him in all things, shirking my duty, and I almost lost my chance at salvation. I was so foolish! In reality, as a wife, I did all the household chores I could, and I’d already fulfilled my responsibilities as a wife, but he deliberately found fault with me and made things difficult for me. Moreover, my husband had once believed in God and read God’s words, and he clearly knew I believed in the true God, but he still did what he could to hinder and persecute my faith. When he saw brothers and sisters come to our home, he drove them away and even threatened to call the police to arrest them. He even wanted to destroy the books of God’s words. His essence was that of a devil who hated and resisted God. He didn’t believe in God and was walking a path to destruction, and he wanted me to go to hell with him. I saw that he was extremely malicious and lacking in humanity. I’d failed to discern his essence, and instead, I constantly yielded to him, living without dignity and integrity, just to maintain our marriage. It was truly pitiful! If I didn’t wake up and turn around, and shirked my duty and betrayed God for my marriage, then I was unworthy of being called a created being, and in the end, I’d just be eliminated and destroyed by God. Understanding this, I secretly made up my mind, “I will no longer yield to my husband. If he tries to hinder my faith again, I will leave him and walk my own path, and I will fulfill my duty as a created being.”
In September 2023, one night, after I returned from my duty, my husband angrily said, “We need to talk. Can we still go on or not?” I said, “Whether we can or not is up to you.” He suddenly flew off the handle and snarled viciously, “Fine! Believe all you want! I’m going to burn all your books!” Saying that, he started rummaging through the boxes and drawers, and before I could react, he pulled out a few books of God’s word and my computer. I reached to take back my computer, but he turned around and smashed it. The scene was like a police raid, fully exposing his devilish nature. I was terrified that in his rage, he really would destroy the books of God’s word, so I quickly prayed to God in my heart. He didn’t go on to destroy the books. After a while, he stormed out, saying he would move out and live by himself from then on. I knelt down and cried out to God in prayer, “God, I didn’t expect my husband to be so evil. I have seen clearly his devilish essence, and I can tolerate him no longer. Our marriage is over. But where can I go if I leave him? How can I live by myself? I’m in so much pain; please help me.” After praying, I thought of God’s words: “From the moment you come crying into this world, you begin to fulfill your responsibilities. For the sake of God’s plan and His ordination, you play your role and start your life’s journey. Whatever your background may be, and whatever the journey ahead of you may be, in any case, no one can escape the orchestrations and arrangements of Heaven, and no one can control their own fate, for only He who is sovereign over all things is capable of such work. Ever since man came into existence in the beginning, God has always been performing His work in this manner, managing the universe, and directing the laws of change for all things and the trajectory of their movement. Like all things, man is quietly and unknowingly being nourished by the sweetness and rain and dew from God; like all things, man unknowingly lives under the orchestration of God’s hand. Man’s heart and spirit are within God’s grasp, and everything of his life is beheld in the eyes of God. Regardless of whether or not you believe all this, any and all things, whether living or dead, will shift, change, renew, and disappear in accordance with God’s thoughts. This is how God holds sovereignty over all things” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God Is the Source of Man’s Life). God’s words made me suddenly realize that God is the Creator and the Sovereign of all things. God rules and controls everything, and God gave us life. He leads our daily lives, watching over us day and night, no one can live without His provision of life, and only He is man’s reliance. My husband is just an insignificant created being, and everything about him is in God’s hands. He can’t even control his own destiny, let alone mine, so how could I rely on him? Just like when I collapsed from illness before—he was helpless, and all he could do was stand by and worry. Later, when I regained some awareness, I prayed to God and gradually came back to consciousness. I also thought about my neighbors, who’d been married for twenty years and were doing well. But when the wife became ill and paralyzed, the husband took care of her for a few days and then just left. Then there was my niece: When she first got married, she and her husband were virtually inseparable, but unexpectedly, after they started a business and their life improved, her husband had an affair and became like a completely different person, and when they divorced, he even fought her over property and the house. From these facts, I realized that you can’t rely on people. Yet I still wanted to keep relying on my husband. I’d been so foolish, blind, and pathetic! God is my Lord, He is my reliance, and as for the amount of suffering and blessings a person experiences in their life, God has already predestined it all. After I left my husband, wouldn’t my future also be under God’s orchestrations? I just had to submit and entrust everything to God. Thinking of this, my heart didn’t hurt as much, and I gained some faith. Soon, I found a suitable house, and finally, I was free from my husband’s constraints and bonds and lived a free life on my own.
Later, my heart still couldn’t let go of some things. I was unwilling to accept that my hard-earned marriage had fallen apart like this, and that I’d have to live a lonely life without support when I got old. At night, these thoughts filled my mind, and as I thought about them, tears of grievance would start flowing down my face. In my pain and helplessness, I came before God in prayer, asking God to help me cast off this state. I read God’s words. “In all kinds of marriages, you can have this kind of experience, you can choose to follow the right path under God’s guidance, accomplish the mission God has given you, leave your spouse under this kind of premise and with this kind of motivation, and end your marriage, and this is something to be congratulated on. There is at least one thing that is worth rejoicing about, and that is that you are no longer a slave to your marriage. You have escaped the slavery of your marriage, and you no longer have to worry, feel pained, and struggle because you are a slave to your marriage and want to get free but are unable to. From that moment on, you have escaped, you’re free, and that is a good thing. Having said this, I hope that those whose marriages have previously ended in pain and who are still shrouded in the shadows of this matter can truly let go of their marriage, let go of the shadows that it has left you with, let go of the hatred, anger, and even anguish that it has left you with, and no longer feel pain and anger because all the sacrifices and efforts you made for your partner were repaid with their infidelity, betrayal, and ridicule. I hope you leave all that behind you, rejoice that you are no longer a slave to your marriage, rejoice that you no longer have to do anything or make unnecessary sacrifices for the slave master in your marriage, and instead, under God’s guidance and sovereignty, follow the right path in life, perform your duty as a created being, and are no longer upset and have nothing else to worry about. Of course, there’s no longer any need to be concerned, worried, or anxious about your marital spouse or to have your mind occupied with thoughts of him, everything will be good from now on, you don’t need to discuss your personal matters with your spouse anymore, you don’t need to be constrained by them anymore. You only need to seek the truth, and just look for the principles and basis in God’s words. You are already free and are no longer a slave to your marriage. It’s fortunate that you have left that nightmare of marriage behind you, that you have genuinely come before God, are no longer restricted by your marriage, and you have more time to read God’s words, attend gatherings, and perform spiritual devotions. You’re completely free, you don’t have to act a certain way depending on anyone else’s moods anymore, you don’t have to listen to anyone’s jeering taunts anymore, you don’t have to consider anyone’s moods or feelings anymore—you’re living the single life, great! You’re no longer a slave, you can get out of that environment where you had various responsibilities to fulfill toward people, you can be a true created being, be a created being under the dominion of the Creator, and perform the duty of a created being—how wonderful it is to do this purely! You never have to argue, worry, bother with, tolerate, endure, suffer, or be angry about your marriage again, you never have to live in that odious environment and complicated situation again. This is great, all these are good things, and everything is going well” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (11)). God’s words warmed and comforted my heart with each sentence. I read this passage of God’s words through tears and felt strengthened in my heart. I was grateful that, under God’s guidance, I broke free from the bonds of marriage and escaped my husband’s constraints. I was grateful that, under God’s guidance, I had embarked on the right path in life, and from then on, I could diligently do the duty of a created being, and pursue the truth to attain salvation. This was a good thing. I should no longer grieve or feel sorrowful over losing my marriage.
Now, I am free and no longer a slave to marriage, and I am no longer controlled or constrained by my husband. When attending gatherings, I no longer have to rush home to cook; I can gather for as long as I want, and I can go out to do my duty whenever I please. How wonderful to be free! I no longer have to be preoccupied, worried, or burdened with my husband’s daily needs, and I now have more time to pursue the truth, eat and drink God’s words, and do the duty of a created being. When issues arise in my duties, I can quiet my heart, ponder, and seek truth to resolve them, leading to some results in doing my duties. I have more time for devotionals each day, to reflect on my incorrect states and promptly seek God’s words to resolve them, and I also have time to write devotional notes. At the same time, by pondering God’s words, I have learned to discern different kinds of people—who are true believers and who are disbelievers. These are things I couldn’t have gained before. In the past, I lived by Satan’s thoughts and views, placing too much importance on marriage. I saw my husband as my support, and kept maintaining my marriage. I always compromised, and I lived in great pain and repression. It was God who led me out of the bonds of marriage, and it was God who enabled me to gain some discernment about my husband’s essence. Thank God!
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