By An Ran, China

In November 2024, I was screening experiential testimony articles in the church. One day, our supervisor came to our team gathering and said that based on the articles we’d recently submitted, she could see we hadn’t quite grasped some of the principles. She wanted to screen a few articles with us so that we could all master the principles together. She picked out a few articles and asked each of us to review them and then share our comments based on the principles. As soon as I heard we had to present our opinions one by one, I started to get nervous. I thought, “Several articles I’ve screened recently had some obvious problems. Is she using this to see if I’ve grasped the principles, to see if I’m fit for this duty? If she finds out I haven’t grasped the principles, she’ll definitely have me dismissed.” After that, I couldn’t quiet my heart to read the articles. I just kept trying to figure out how to give a more comprehensive answer, and what to say to avoid exposing my own shortcomings. After we read the first article, Zhang Yan shared her perspective first. She pointed out an issue that I hadn’t noticed. When I saw the supervisor nod in agreement, I thought to myself, “It looks like Zhang Yan’s point is correct. When it’s my turn to speak, I’ll add that aspect in to make my answer sound more complete. That way, the supervisor won’t think I’m so incompetent.” Next, the supervisor called on me. I shared the issues I had spotted and made sure to add in the point that Zhang Yan had made. When the supervisor finally evaluated this article in conjunction with the principles, she said that Zhang Yan’s perspective was appropriate. I felt a little relieved, but also very uneasy. I had a bit of a guilty conscience. Then, the supervisor mentioned other issues that I hadn’t spotted. I immediately started thinking, “I didn’t even spot such simple problems. The supervisor must think that my caliber is really poor for me to miss such obvious problems even after all the years I’ve been doing text-based duty. I have to be more careful the next time I express my opinion.” As we started on the next article, it took a long time for my heart to calm; I couldn’t stop dwelling on my poor response regarding the previous one. Before long, I started to feel drowsy and didn’t really take in the rest of the article. During the discussion, when the supervisor asked for my opinion, I only said a little. When it came to talking about what problems there were in the author’s understanding, I just stammered and couldn’t get the words out for what seemed like an age. I was originally going to just say that I had dozed off and hadn’t taken it in, but then I worried that if the supervisor saw that I was getting sleepy even in a situation like this, she might think I was in a bad state and didn’t have the work of the Holy Spirit. If that happened, I’d surely be on my way to being dismissed. So, I quickly tried to cover for myself, saying, “Just a moment, I’m trying to find where I jotted down the issue I found.” I scrolled with the mouse, quickly scanning the article, my brain racing to find some key issue as soon as possible to give as an answer to the supervisor. Finally, the supervisor got impatient and said, “Just say what you saw. Why are you struggling so much to answer?” Having no other choice, I finally confessed, “I zoned out and got a bit drowsy. I didn’t really take it in.” The supervisor then just asked another sister to share her view. I was so embarrassed at that moment. My heart was churning, and I was worried the supervisor would have me dismissed because of my performance lately. After just a few hours, I was mentally exhausted. I didn’t even want to continue screening articles and studying professional skills with the supervisor anymore.

Later, I started to ponder, “The supervisor is screening articles and fellowshipping on the principles with us. Isn’t this a great opportunity to make up for my shortcomings? Why am I so nervous and so exhausted?” Right around that time, God’s newest words were released. During my devotionals, I read a passage of God’s words: “When I chat with people, sometimes asking some questions, some people with complicated minds ponder, ‘Your question is quite direct. I don’t know what You mean by asking this. I must be careful in my answer!’ I say, you’ve got it wrong. No matter who I chat with or what questions I ask, the ultimate goal is always to discover and solve problems, to assist and guide you, and to help you solve problems. First, it’s not to lay you bare and make you look foolish. Second, it’s not to test whether you’re telling the truth or if you’re a guileless person. Third, it’s not to trick you into revealing your true situation. Fourth, it is even less about testing whether you’re competent to do the work or if you can do actual work. In fact, no matter how I chat with you, it’s all to help and guide you to fulfill your duty, do the work well, and solve problems. Some people overthink My simple inquiries, very afraid that there’s some hidden meaning. Some even suspect that I’m scheming against them. I clearly want to help you solve problems, yet you mistakenly think I’m scheming against you. Isn’t this wronging Me? (Yes.) So what’s the issue here? The human heart is deceitful! Although people may say out loud, ‘You are God, I must tell You the truth, and be candid with You. I follow You, I believe in You!’ deep down, they don’t think that way. No matter how ordinary and simple My questions are, they are often interpreted in an overly sensitive way by people. Through their conjectures and then through scrutiny, they go through many twists and turns and seem to find the final answer, but in reality, it is far from the original intention of My words. It’s clearly a very simple question, yet they overthink it. Aren’t such people overly sensitive? No matter what I ask, their hearts churn after hearing it: ‘Why are You asking this? How can I answer in a way that satisfies You and doesn’t reveal any flaws? What should I say first, and what later?’ Within three to five seconds, the words come out, without any delay. Their minds are faster than computers. Why so fast? In fact, this process is already second nature to them; it’s their usual trick and style in dealing with people and handling matters. They scheme against everyone. So, no matter how simple My inquiries are, they overthink them, believing I have some motive or aim. They ponder in their hearts, ‘If I answer truthfully, won’t I expose my true situation? That’s tantamount to selling myself out. I can’t let You get a hold of my true situation. So how should I answer appropriately? How can I make You happy and satisfied, have a good impression of me, and continue to use me?’ Look how deceitful these people are! These people’s minds are too complicated. No matter how I talk to them, they will doubt and scrutinize. Can such people practice the truth? Can they be fit for God’s use? Absolutely not. This is because such people’s minds are too complex, and not simple at all; anyone who is in contact with them for a long time can see it” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (26)). Reading God’s words, I felt they were describing my exact state. Although God was exposing the thoughts and ideas people reveal when interacting with Christ, I realized that I often revealed the same mentality when I interacted with others. I thought about how the supervisor had told us from the beginning that she was screening articles with us to help us learn the principles, and that asking for our perspectives was a way to understand our shortcomings and deviations so she could offer targeted fellowship and help. But my own mind was so complicated. I kept second-guessing her, assuming she was testing our grasp of the principles and trying to determine if we were fit for this duty. I was convinced that if she found I had too many shortcomings, she would have me dismissed. In order not to expose my shortcomings, I didn’t answer truthfully about the number of problems I had spotted when expressing my opinion. Instead, I went out of my way to make the supervisor think I had a good grasp of the principles and a comprehensive view of any problems. I even went so far as to plagiarize Zhang Yan’s point. When we were reviewing the second article, I had clearly dozed off and hadn’t identified any issues, and I should have just been honest about it. But I was afraid that if I told the truth, the supervisor would have an even worse impression of me, so I lied and said I had forgotten where I’d noted down the issue I’d found. I even put on an act of searching for it, which just wasted everyone’s time. In reality, when the supervisor asked for my opinion, all I had to do was answer truthfully. If I was wrong, I could just analyze my deviation and correct it. But my mind was too complicated: I was always trying to guess the supervisor’s intentions. I had to turn every sentence over and over in my head before I spoke. As I reflected, I realized I had shown this manifestation in the past, too. When I first started this duty, whenever the leader asked for my thoughts on certain issues, I would get very nervous. I would subconsciously try to guess if she was assessing my caliber and ability to view things, to gauge whether I was suitable for the duty. I would quickly ponder in my heart how to speak in a way that the leader wouldn’t see through me. I had to overthink every single word, and it was exhausting to live that way. I saw that this wasn’t just a momentary revelation of a deceitful disposition, but that I was constantly living in a state of calculation. My very nature was deceitful. I thought of the words of the Lord Jesus: “Truly I say to you, Except you be converted, and become as little children, you shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3). Almighty God also said: “If you are deceitful, then you will be guarded and suspicious toward all people and matters, and thus your faith in Me will be built upon a foundation of suspicion. I could never acknowledge such faith” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. How to Know the God on Earth). God’s essence is faithful; He likes honest people and loathes deceitful people. A deceitful person cannot be saved and enter the kingdom of heaven. I realized that if I didn’t turn back and change, and couldn’t become an honest person, then no matter what I forsook or expended, I would ultimately be eliminated and spurned by God. At this thought, my heart grew heavy, and I prayed to God, “Oh God, I am so deceitful. All my words and actions are filled with calculation. I am not an honest person. If I continue like this, I will certainly be eliminated by You. I want to cast off my deceitful disposition and become an honest person. I ask for Your guidance.” Afterward, I opened up and laid bare my state to the supervisor. She didn’t rebuke me at all; instead, she fellowshipped on the truth to help me and encouraged me to practice the truth and be an honest person.

Later, I pondered, why was I always so worried about exposing my shortcomings? I remembered hearing that some brothers and sisters had recently been dismissed because they consistently failed to grasp the principles in their duties, causing disruptions and disturbances to the work. Since there were some problems with the articles I had submitted recently, I guessed the supervisor was there to observe and assess me, and that if she discovered I hadn’t grasped the principles, she would have me dismissed. To address this state, I sought out God’s words. Almighty God says: “There are principles for the kind of people God’s house promotes and uses, and the kind of people it does not use, as well as for which people it cultivates, and which people it does not; it is all based on the needs of the work of God’s house. No matter who is promoted and used, the aim is to cultivate them so that they can do their duty well and know how to experience God’s work, and so that they are able to shoulder work and act according to the truth principles. No matter what problem is being solved, the aim is to enable them to understand more of the truth, and to learn how to draw lessons and gain discernment from the various people, events, and things they encounter. This way, it is easier for them to enter into the truth reality in all aspects. It is not about exploiting you to render service, much less about exploiting you to fill an open position because no suitable person can be found, only to kick you out when someone suitable comes along. That is not how it is. In fact, this is giving you an opportunity to train yourself. If you pursue the truth, you will stand firm; if you do not pursue the truth, you will still not be able to stand firm. It is absolutely not the case that because God’s house finds you displeasing, it will find leverage over you and look for an opportunity to eliminate you. When God’s house says it will cultivate you and promote you, it will genuinely cultivate you. What matters is how you strive for the truth. If you do not accept the truth in the slightest, then God’s house will give up on you and will no longer cultivate you. Some people, after a period of cultivation, are dismissed because their caliber is poor and they cannot do actual work. Some, during their period of cultivation, do not accept the truth in the slightest, act willfully, and disrupt and disturb the work of God’s house, and are dismissed. Still others do not pursue the truth at all, walk the path of antichrists, always work for fame, gain, and status, and are dismissed and eliminated. These situations are all handled according to the principles of God’s house for using people. God’s house will still cultivate those who can accept the truth and strive for the truth, even if they commit transgressions by making some mistakes. If it’s not someone who can accept the truth, and they do not accept the truth when pruning comes upon them, then they should be directly dismissed and eliminated. … No matter the situation, when God’s house promotes these people, it is always to cultivate them and lead them into the truth reality, hoping they can do the church’s work well and fulfill the duties they ought to fulfill. Even if you don’t know how to do some work because you are foolish and lack insight or because your caliber is poor, as long as you strive for the truth principles, have this sense of responsibility, are willing to do this work well, and can safeguard the church’s work, God’s house will still cultivate you even if you have done some foolish things in the past. … No matter how much work you are capable of, or what your caliber is like, promoting and using you is not exploiting you. Rather, the intention is to use this opportunity to let you train in doing work, and to perfect you through your pursuit of the truth and through working hard and shouldering heavy burdens. On the one hand, this is perfecting you personally; on the other hand, it is also accomplishing the work of God’s house. You have both prepared good deeds and made gains in your personal life entry. How good is that! That is two good results in one move” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (26)). I saw in God’s words that when God’s house promotes someone, it genuinely cultivates them. Leaders and supervisors will offer guidance and help for their shortcomings. If they can accept the truth, not only will they make progress in their own lives, but the results of their work will become better and better. Moreover, God’s house has principles for dismissing people; it doesn’t just dismiss someone because of a few shortcomings or inadequacies. Some of the people who had been recently dismissed or eliminated were only dismissed because their poor caliber was holding up the work, and the church then arranged a more suitable duty for them based on their caliber; others were dismissed for being especially obstinate, refusing to accept any fellowship on the principles, and causing disruptions and disturbances to the work. Thinking back on my time doing text-based duty, whenever leaders and supervisors saw that I was in a bad state or that the results of my duty were poor, they would fellowship to help me. When they saw that I had made progress after a period of time, they would allow me to continue training in this duty. This time, when the leader saw we were constantly having issues in our duty, she arranged for the supervisor to help us study the principles. This was done in the hope that we could grasp the principles as soon as possible and fulfill our duties. It’s just as God’s words say: “When God’s house says it will cultivate you and promote you, it will genuinely cultivate you. What matters is how you strive for the truth.” I thought about my own average caliber and my limited comprehension of some principles. Having the supervisor point things out and help when problems arise, and study the principles with me, can help me do my duty better. What a wonderful thing that is! This was God using people, events, and things to genuinely cultivate me. I should be thanking God, but instead, I approached everything with calculation and a heart full of hostility. I was truly so devoid of conscience and reason!

Afterward, the supervisor created a study plan for everyone based on our shortcomings and found relevant words of God to fellowship and help me. I thanked God from the bottom of my heart. After that, I began to earnestly ponder the relevant principles with my sisters. Through a period of study, I came to understand the principles with more clarity, and the number of issues in the articles I submitted decreased significantly. Through this practical experience, I felt even more deeply that when God’s house promotes and cultivates people, it does so to help us grasp the principles and do our duties well, and at the same time, to help us understand the truth and make progress in our lives. One day, while screening experiential testimony articles, I read a passage of God’s words and gained some new understanding of my problem. Almighty God says: “Some people have believed in God for several years but do not understand the least bit of the truth. Their outlook on things remains the same as that of nonbelievers. When they see a false leader or antichrist being revealed and eliminated, they think, ‘Believing in God, following God, living before God is like walking on thin ice! It’s like living on the edge of a knife!’ And others say, ‘Being a leader and worker and serving God is risky. It’s just like people say: “Being close to a king is as dangerous as lying with a tiger.” If you do or say something wrong, you’ll offend God’s disposition, and you’ll be eliminated and punished!’ Are these remarks correct? ‘Walking on thin ice’ and ‘living on the edge of a knife’—what do these words mean? These words mean that there is great danger, that there is great danger at every moment, and that the least bit of carelessness will lead one to lose their footing. ‘Being close to a king is as dangerous as lying with a tiger’ is a common saying among nonbelievers. It means that it is dangerous to get close to a devil king. If one applies this saying to serving God, where is their error? To compare a devil king to God, to the Creator—is this not blasphemy against God? That is a serious problem. God is a righteous and holy God; that man should be punished for resisting God or for being hostile to Him is perfectly natural and justified. Satan and devils do not have a shred of the truth; they are filthy and wicked, they slaughter innocents, and devour good people. How can they be likened to God? Why do people distort the facts and slander God? This is tremendous blasphemy against God!” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). My state was exactly what God’s words exposed. Though I had believed in God for many years, I was unable to view things from the perspective of the truth. Instead, I clung to the perspectives of nonbelievers, living by the satanic philosophy, “Never intend to harm others, but always guard against the harm they might do to you.” I was always on guard when interacting with people, constantly worried that I would be schemed against if I let my guard down for a moment. It was just like this time, when the supervisor saw that problems and deviations were appearing in our duty and wanted to screen articles with us to help us grasp the principles. I, however, assumed that she wanted to find out my true situation so she could use it as evidence to have me dismissed. As a result, my heart was full of hostility toward her. I was on guard at all times, as if facing a formidable enemy, worried that if I was careless even for a second, I might answer something wrong, and she would seize on my shortcoming and have me dismissed. In the places where Satan holds power, interpersonal relationships are filled with strife and calculation. The slightest carelessness could lead to being schemed against and losing your official post, and could even put your life in danger. And here I was doing my duty in God’s house, yet I was on guard as if against the powers reigning in the world. I didn’t believe at all that the truth reigns in God’s house, or that God is genuine and sincere with every one of us. This was slandering and blaspheming God! The nature of this was terrifying! I prayed to God, “Oh God, for all the years I’ve been doing my duty in Your house, I have enjoyed Your watering and provision, I have come to understand many truths, and I have learned some principles for how to conduct myself. This is all Your love and salvation. But I am still on guard against You, and the barrier between You and me is so deep. This truly grieves You. God, I am willing to repent. I want to pursue being an honest person to comfort Your heart. Please guide me.”

On another occasion, a different supervisor was studying professional skills with us and asked us to share our perspectives one by one. At first, I was still a bit nervous, worried that I wouldn’t answer well or that I’d make some deviations and the supervisor would see through me. At that moment, I thought of God’s words: “To achieve communication with others without scheming, you must learn to communicate within the scope of the conscience and rationality of normal humanity. The purpose of communication is to help others and also to receive help and benefits from them. This is normal communication, and in this way you can achieve communication without scheming” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (26)). “To be sincere, you must first put aside your personal desires. Instead of focusing on how God treats you, you should bare yourself to God and say whatever is in your heart. Do not ponder or consider what the consequences of your words will be; say whatever you are thinking, put aside your motivations, and do not say things just to achieve some objective. You have too many personal intentions and adulterations; you are always calculated in the way you speak, considering, ‘I should talk about this, and not that, I must be careful about what I say. I will put it in a way that benefits me, and which covers up my shortcomings, and will leave a good impression on god.’ Isn’t this harboring motives? Before you open your mouth, your mind is filled with devious thoughts, you emend what you want to say several times, so that when the words come out of your mouth, they are no longer so pure, and are not in the slightest bit genuine, and contain your own motives and the schemes of Satan. This is not what it is to be sincere; this is having sinister motives and ill intentions” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Ten: They Despise the Truth, Brazenly Flout Principles, and Ignore the Arrangements of God’s House (Part Two)). I saw from God’s words that to stop being calculating, you must practice fellowshipping with others from within the conscience and rationality of normal humanity, without your own motives and aims, and without analyzing or processing your words. You just need to say what you think. The goal is to help each other and for everyone to benefit. I realized that the supervisor studying professional skills with us today was a chance for us to learn from each other’s strengths and make up for our shortcomings by discussing the principles, so we could better grasp them. I should approach it with a candid attitude, say as much as I understood, and if I said something wrong, I should just accept the guidance and help of my brothers and sisters. It was a great opportunity for learning and exchange; I didn’t need to worry so much. So I prayed in my heart, “Oh God, please keep my heart quiet before You, and may I accept Your scrutiny as I share my views.” After praying, I was able to quiet myself and ponder the principles. I even gained some new insights into a few of them and felt I understood them with more clarity than before. Through the supervisor’s fellowship, I also discovered some of my own shortcomings. I felt quite liberated during that study session, and I made some gains. After that, whenever the supervisor joined us to review articles or asked me questions, I would consciously practice being an honest person according to God’s words. My heart felt more and more liberated, and I tasted a bit of the joy of being an honest person. Thank God!