By Yuxin, China

In 2013, the police arrested me through phone surveillance. They showed me photos of the upper leaders and told me to identify them, and when I refused to speak, they tried to threaten and intimidate me, saying they’d put me in solitary confinement and torture me. At that time, it was thanks to God’s care and protection that I wasn’t afraid, and afterward, I overcame every police interrogation by praying, and I didn’t sell out my brothers and sisters. Later, I was sentenced to three years in prison.

In April 2014, I was sent to a women’s prison to serve my sentence. The prison unit chief told me to write a statement of repentance and swear not to believe in God anymore, but I refused to write it and testified about God to them instead. Seeing my firm stance, the prison unit chief had other inmates torment, beat, and verbally abuse me, and they made me stand in a small room for twelve hours a day without moving. My legs and feet became numb and swollen from standing, and every minute felt like an hour. The inmates mocked me when they saw my suffering, saying, “Why don’t you get your God to turn you into an eagle so you can fly out of here!” I prayed in my heart, asking Him to guide me to overcome this corporal punishment and not betray Him, and with God’s guidance, I endured. One day, the prison officers gave me ten questions to answer, all of which denied and slandered God. This made me absolutely furious: “These devils are truly skilled at fabricating lies! I have to bear witness to God and not let His name be disgraced.” So I used this opportunity to answer the questions by using God’s words to refute their fallacies. As a result, this angered the prison officers, and they deprived me of lunch for three days. Sometimes, I felt dizzy from hunger and cried out to God in my heart, asking Him to bolster my faith and keep me standing firm. I thought of the Lord Jesus’ words: “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God” (Matthew 4:4). Pondering God’s words, I no longer felt so hungry. Six months before my release, the great red dragon pressured the prison unit, saying I was the only one in the district who hadn’t been converted, and so to avoid tarnishing the prison’s reputation, I had to be converted. After that, they subjected me to another round of corporal punishment. In temperatures of around minus twenty degrees, they made me stand in the washroom and poured water over me, even into my ears. My whole body was soaked, yet they didn’t allow me to change clothes. Later, they took me to a small room, and they had two murderers force me to sign the “Three Statements.” They said if I refused, they would take me to a corridor without surveillance, and that if I were beaten to death, it would be recorded as a natural death. My heart was in turmoil: “If I sign, I’ll be betraying God, but if I don’t, they’ll find new ways to torture me. What if they beat me to death?” I remembered an inmate once saying to me that a prisoner had died in here before, and that they’d dragged the body away like a dead dog. Just the thought of it filled me with fear. If I were beaten to death, I would have no opportunities to be saved. I then thought about how two sisters in the same prison unit said that they both signed the statement of repentance. I thought to myself, “They already signed it. Am I just rigidly following regulations? God looks at a person’s heart, not just their outward behaviors. I don’t truly want to betray God; I’d just be using wisdom to deal with the great red dragon.” So, I signed the “Three Statements.” But the moment I signed, my heart was filled with darkness. Yet I kept comforting myself, “I’m not truly betraying God; I’m just using wisdom to deal with the great red dragon.” I even told them, “I’m not really signing this. I’m just going along with your procedures.”

In June 2016, I was released from prison. Later, I heard from a sermon that those who signed the “Three Statements” had received the mark of the beast and opened the gates of hell. I felt suddenly paralyzed, as if the sky had turned black. I finally realized how serious signing the “Three Statements” was, and that this offended God’s disposition. I didn’t expect that after believing in God for so many years, I had ended my journey of faith with betrayal. The pain and despair in my heart at that moment were beyond words. Though my body was free, my spirit was in darkness. In my extreme suffering, I even thought about jumping from a building to end it all. I felt like I had lost my soul. I thought of God’s words: “Toward those who showed Me not the slightest loyalty during times of tribulation, I shall be merciful no more, for My mercy only extends so far. I have no liking, furthermore, for anyone who has once betrayed Me, much less do I like to associate with those who sell out the interests of their friends. This is My disposition, regardless of who the person may be. I must tell you this: Anyone who breaks My heart shall not receive clemency from Me a second time, and anyone who has been faithful to Me shall forever remain in My heart” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Prepare Sufficient Good Deeds for Your Destination). As I pondered God’s words, I felt a stabbing pain in my heart. God’s disposition does not tolerate offense, and anyone who betrays God will never again receive His mercy. I’d signed the “Three Statements” and offended God’s disposition, and I felt that my path of faith had come to an end and that God would no longer save someone like me. Thinking of the evil deed I had committed, my heart ached unbearably, and I wished to be imprisoned again just to make up for my transgression. During those few days, I was like a walking corpse. I passed each day in a daze, and I was too ashamed to pray to God.

One day, I saw a brother I had once cooperated with in a film produced by God’s house, and I felt even more distressed and guilty. We both believed in God, yet he was doing his duty to testify for Him, while I had been eliminated and was to be punished. I hated myself even more. In the past, I hadn’t pursued the truth, and I felt that I deserved to die and was unworthy of living. I just wanted to live each day as it came, and if I died one day, it would be God’s righteousness. I lay in bed at night, tossing and turning, unable to sleep, and God’s words came to my mind: “When people rebel against Me, I cause them to know Me from within their rebellion. In light of humanity’s old nature, and in light of My mercy, rather than putting humans to death, I allow them to repent and make a fresh start” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God’s Words to the Entire Universe, Chapter 14). “Could it be that your fate actually cannot be changed? Are you willing to die with such regrets?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Essence and Identity of Man). I clearly felt that God hadn’t abandoned me, and that He was still using His words to call me to allow me to come before Him in repentance. God’s kind words felt like a warm gentle stream, and they filled my heart with warmth. God didn’t want to see me in negativity and misunderstanding, sinking into despair and giving up on myself. God wanted me to rise from my failure and reflect on the root cause of my downfall. I thought about how God says that the repentance of the people of Nineveh won His mercy. God also hoped that I could repent, make a fresh start, and walk the path of faith again. I felt God’s love and salvation, and my heart was filled with gratitude toward Him. So I knelt down and prayed, “Oh God, I betrayed You and broke Your heart. But You have not given up on saving me and You have still given me a chance to repent. Thank You! Oh God, I am willing to repent. Please guide me to reflect on myself.”

Later, I read God’s words. “Those who are beset by tribulation are without the work of the Holy Spirit and the guidance of God, but those who have been truly conquered and who truly seek after God will ultimately stand fast; they are the ones who are possessed of humanity, and who truly love God. No matter what God does, these victorious ones will not be bereft of the visions and will still put the truth into practice without failing in their testimony. They are the ones who will finally emerge from the great tribulation. Even though those who fish in troubled waters can still freeload today, no one is able to escape the final tribulation, and no one can escape the final test. For those who overcome, such tribulation is a tremendous refinement; but for those who fish in troubled waters, it is the work of utter elimination. No matter how they are tried, the allegiance of those who have God in their heart remains unchanged; but for those who do not have God in their heart, once the work of God is not advantageous to their flesh, they change their view of God, and even depart from God. Such are those who will not stand fast in the end, who only seek God’s blessings and have no desire to expend themselves for God and dedicate themselves to Him. Such base people will all be expelled when God’s work comes to an end, and they are unworthy of any sympathy. Those without humanity are incapable of truly loving God. When the environment is safe and secure, or there are profits to be made, they are totally obedient toward God, but once that which they desire is compromised or finally refuted, they immediately revolt. Even in the space of just one night, they may go from a smiling, ‘kind-hearted’ person to an ugly-looking and ferocious killer, suddenly treating their benefactor of yesterday as their mortal enemy, without rhyme or reason. If these demons are not cast out, these demons that would kill without blinking an eye, will they not become a hidden danger?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God’s Work and Man’s Practice). Pondering God’s words, I realized I had been a selfish and despicable person. Faced with the threat of murderers, I became afraid that if I were killed, I wouldn’t be saved, so I signed the “Three Statements” and betrayed God. When no significant fleshly interests were at stake, I’d say with my mouth and think in my heart that I wouldn’t betray God, no matter who else did, and I even thought of myself as someone who truly believed in God. But when my life was in danger, to protect myself, I saved my own skin and betrayed God. In what way did I have any humanity? In what way did I truly believe in God? Only those who, during the tortures of the great red dragon, can endure all suffering to testify for God, are people with humanity, and are people who truly believe in God. I thought about how I was chosen by God in the last days to be among those who believe in Him. By reading God’s words, I came to understand the truth of how humanity was corrupted by Satan, and came to know of God’s 6,000-year management plan to save humanity. Through God’s words, I understood some truths and saw through many things, and it was God’s words that helped me get through the hardest days of suffering in prison. I had received so much from God, but when God wanted me to bear witness, I betrayed Him by signing the “Three Statements” to protect myself from being beaten to death. I had committed such a great act of betrayal, and I was truly worthy of being cursed! At that moment, I finally realized that my years of faith weren’t to gain the truth and life, that I’d sacrificed my family and career, suffered, paid a price, and done my duties just to receive blessings, and that my relationship with God was blatantly transactional, one of self-interest. I was just lifeless chaff, so how could I not fall? Realizing these things, I wished to strive upward and no longer be so negative, and I often came before God to pray to repent. No matter what my outcome would be, I was willing to do my duty as a created being and strive to pursue the truth.

In February 2018, I took on text-based duties, and I felt very grateful, wanting to do my duty properly and make up for my previous transgression. While doing my duties, whenever I thought about the betrayal I had committed, my heart would ache, as if it were being pierced, like a thorn stuck in my heart, bringing me great pain and guilt. Sometimes, I would ask myself, “I thought I was using wisdom to deal with the police when I signed the ‘Three Statements,’ but how does God view this?” I thought of the words of the Lord Jesus: “Whoever shall deny Me before men, him will I also deny before My Father which is in heaven” (Matthew 10:33). Since I signed the “Three Statements” and denied and betrayed God before Satan, God did not acknowledge me as someone who believes in Him, and my “wisdom” wouldn’t hold before the truth and was just deceiving myself and others. Wisdom is a positive thing that comes from God, and using it is a practice that safeguards the interests of God’s house. But I used “wisdom” for the sake of protecting myself. Those who deny and betray God before men are condemned by God, and God abhors people’s betrayal of Him. What God wants is for people to bear witness for Him before Satan, to always uphold His name, and to never deny Him. Realizing these things, I hated myself even more, and I secretly vowed in my heart, that in the future, when facing similar situations, I would stand firm in my testimony, and never again seek to save my own skin.

Later, I would also ponder in my heart sometimes, “Why did I fail? Why could some brothers and sisters endure severe torture and stand firm, even to the point of death, without betraying God, while I betrayed Him? What was the root of my failure?” Upon reflection, I realized that the main reason was that I valued my life too much. I’d betrayed God out of fear of death, losing my testimony. One day, I read a passage of God’s words, and I came to understand how to face death. Almighty God says: “How did those disciples of the Lord Jesus die? Among the disciples, there were those who were stoned, dragged behind a horse, crucified upside down, dismembered by five horses—every sort of death befell them. What was the reason for their deaths? Were they lawfully executed for their crimes? No. They spread the Lord’s gospel, but the people of the world did not accept it, and instead condemned, beat, and scolded them, and even put them to death—that is how they were martyred. … Actually, this was how their bodies died and passed away; this was their means of departure from the human world, yet that did not mean their outcome was the same. No matter what the means of their death and departure was nor how it happened, it was not how God defined the final outcomes of those lives, of those created beings. This is something you must see clearly. On the contrary, they used precisely those means to condemn this world and to testify to God’s deeds. These created beings used their most precious lives—they used the last moment of their lives to testify to God’s deeds, to testify to God’s great power, and to declare to Satan and the world that God’s deeds are right, that the Lord Jesus is God, that He is the Lord, and God’s incarnate flesh. Even down to the final moment of their lives, they never denied the name of the Lord Jesus. Was this not a form of judgment upon this world? They used their lives to proclaim to the world, to confirm to human beings that the Lord Jesus is the Lord, that the Lord Jesus is Christ, that He is God’s incarnate flesh, that the work of redeeming all of humanity He did allows this humanity to live on—this fact is forever unchanging. Those who were martyred for spreading the gospel of the Lord Jesus, to what extent did they perform their duty? Was it to the ultimate extent? How was the ultimate extent manifested? (They offered their lives.) That’s right, they paid the price with their lives. Family, wealth, and the material things of this life are all external things; the only thing that is related to the self is life. To every living person, life is the thing most worthy of being treasured, the most precious thing and, as it happens, these people were able to offer their most precious possession—life—as confirmation of and testimony to God’s love for mankind. Until the day they died, they did not deny God’s name, nor did they deny God’s work, and they used their last moments of life to testify to the existence of this fact—is this not the highest form of testimony? This is the best way of doing one’s duty; this is what it is to fulfill one’s responsibility. When Satan threatened and terrorized them, and, in the end, even when it made them pay the price of their lives, they did not abandon their responsibility. This is what it is to fulfill one’s duty to the utmost extent. What do I mean by this? Do I mean to have you use the same method to testify of God and to spread His gospel? You do not necessarily need to do so, but you must understand that this is your responsibility, that if God needs you to, you should accept it as something you are honor-bound to do” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Spreading the Gospel Is the Duty to Which All Believers Are Honor-Bound). God’s words touched my heart. The disciples of the Lord Jesus were martyred in all kinds of ways for the Lord, their deaths were a judgment on this evil generation, and they bore witness to God at the cost of their own lives. This is the greatest humiliation to Satan, and this is what it means to be a true created being. They fulfilled the responsibility of created beings, dying to testify for God, and though their bodies died, their souls returned to God’s presence. Those who wish to save their own skin and fear death, even if they live, are like walking corpses. As the Lord Jesus said: “For whoever will save his life shall lose it: and whoever will lose his life for My sake shall find it” (Matthew 16:25). Whenever I looked back on how I betrayed God to protect myself when I faced the threat of death, my heart ached with guilt, and my soul was tormented. This pain was much worse than bodily suffering. Through the exposure of God’s words, I gained some insight into death. I realized that physical death is not scary, and that what is truly terrifying is the torment of the soul. After death, there is eternal punishment to endure, and this pain is the real suffering. To be beaten to death is just momentary suffering, but the soul is at peace and at ease. I also understood that a person’s fate is in God’s hands, and that the great red dragon cannot decide my life or death. The day my death truly comes, it will be God’s sovereignty and predestination, and I should submit to God’s orchestration and arrangements. To be able to die to satisfy God is the most valuable thing.

One night in December 2023, I received a letter from the upper leaders, saying they were gathering the materials on those who had signed the “Three Statements.” When I saw the letter, I was stunned, and I thought about how I had signed the “Three Statements.” Especially after seeing God’s words, which said: “Aren’t those who sign the ‘Three Statements’ the ones who have detonated the bomb and blown themselves to smithereens?” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (5)). I felt like I was truly done for, and that my life of faith was over. I felt hopeless, knowing that by signing the “Three Statements” and betraying God, I was destined for hell and punishment. I felt that no matter how the house of God handled me, it would be justified. Though I fervently prayed, willing to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, even accepting death as deserved for my sin, my heart collapsed in despair. That night, I didn’t have the energy to address the problems in my work, I had no strength at all, and I didn’t speak a word all night. Over the next few days, I couldn’t eat or sleep, and whenever I thought of my transgression, I felt like I had no good outcome. I felt desolate, and had no mind to do anything. I just waited for the house of God to inform me that I had been cleared out. In my pain and despair, I came before God in prayer, asking Him to enlighten and guide me to understand His intention.

The next day, I saw a passage of God’s words quoted in an experiential testimony video: “Most people have transgressed and besmirched themselves in certain ways. For example, some people have resisted God and said blasphemous things; some people have rejected God’s commission and not performed their duty, and were spurned by God; some people have betrayed God when they were faced with temptations; some have betrayed God by signing the ‘Three Statements’ when they were under arrest; some have stolen offerings; some have squandered offerings; some have frequently disturbed the church life and caused harm to God’s chosen people; some have formed cliques and handled others roughly, making a shambles of the church; some have often spread notions and death, harming the brothers and sisters; and some have engaged in fornication and promiscuity, and have been a terrible influence. Suffice it to say that everyone has their transgressions and stains. Yet some people are able to accept the truth and repent, while others cannot and would die before repenting. So people should be treated according to their nature essence and their consistent behavior. Those who can repent are those who truly believe in God; but as for the truly unrepentant, those who should be cleared out and expelled will be cleared out and expelled. Some people are evil, some are ignorant, some are foolish, and some are beasts. Everyone is different. Some evil people are possessed by evil spirits, while others are the lackeys of Satan and devils. Some are particularly sinister by nature, while some are particularly deceitful, some are especially greedy when it comes to money, and others enjoy being sexually promiscuous. Everyone’s behavior is different, so people should all be viewed comprehensively in accordance with their natures and consistent behaviors. … God’s handling of each person is based in the actual situations of that person’s circumstances and background at the time, as well as in that person’s actions and behavior and their nature essence. God will never wrong anyone. This is one side of God’s righteousness” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). As I pondered God’s words, my heart was moved by God’s love. God’s house handles people according to principles, and God’s disposition has both a side of majesty and wrath, and a side of lovingkindness and mercy. I should not misunderstand God. I signed the “Three Statements,” and committed the sin of blasphemy, which is unforgivable in this life and the world to come. After betraying God, my heart was dark, and I wallowed in the torment of pain, living like a walking corpse. This was a manifestation of God’s righteous disposition. But God did not abandon me, and through His words, He enlightened and guided me, allowing me to walk out of negativity and misunderstanding. I felt that within God’s righteous disposition, there is also God’s mercy and salvation. God decides people’s outcomes based on the backgrounds of their actions, their nature essence, and consistent behavior, as well as whether or not they have truly repented. Thinking back to when I was caught and tortured for over a year, I faced the danger of death, and in a moment of bodily weakness, I betrayed God, and afterward, I was filled with regret and guilt. God’s house saw that I had some understanding of myself and repentance, and gave me the chance to do my duty. Since then, I have continually done my best to fulfill my duty. In contrast, among those who signed the “Three Statements,” those who were cleared out consistently did poorly in their duties, and after betraying God, they didn’t truly repent or do their duties properly. Such people are those whom God reveals and eliminates. God’s word says that those who sign the “Three Statements” are blown to pieces, and commit a mortal sin. But God treats people based on their nature essence and repentance. After signing the “Three Statements,” I felt deep regret and self-reproach in my heart. God used His words to judge and chastise me, allowing me to understand the nature and consequences of signing the “Three Statements,” to know that God’s righteous disposition is intolerant of offense, to develop a heart that fears God, and to have true repentance. This allowed me to fully experience what God said in: “God’s mercy and tolerance are not rare—man’s true repentance is” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique II).

I then read another passage of God’s words. Almighty God says: “People believe in God in order to be blessed, to be rewarded, to be crowned. Doesn’t this exist in everyone’s heart? It is a fact that it does. Although people don’t often talk about it, and even cover up their motive and desire to obtain blessings, this desire and motive deep in people’s hearts has always been unshakable. No matter how much spiritual theory people understand, what experiential knowledge they have, what duty they can perform, how much suffering they endure, or how much of a price they pay, they never let go of the motivation for blessings hidden deep in their hearts, and always silently toil in its service. Isn’t this the thing buried deepest inside people’s hearts? Without this motivation to receive blessings, how would you feel? With what attitude would you perform your duty and follow God? What would become of people if this motivation to receive blessings that is hidden in their hearts was gotten rid of? It is possible that many people would become negative, while some would become demotivated in their duties. They would lose interest in their belief in God, as if their soul had vanished. They would appear as if their heart had been snatched away. This is why I say the motivation for blessings is something hidden deep in people’s hearts. Perhaps, as they perform their duty or live the life of the church, they feel that they are able to forsake their families and gladly expend themselves for God, and that they now have knowledge of their motivation to receive blessings, and have put this motivation aside, and are no longer governed or constrained by it. Then, they think that they no longer have the motivation to be blessed, but God believes otherwise. People only view matters superficially. Without trials, they feel good about themselves. As long as they don’t leave the church or deny God’s name, and they persist in expending for God, they believe they have changed. They feel they are no longer driven by personal enthusiasm or momentary impulses in the performance of their duty. Instead, they believe they can pursue the truth, and that they can continuously seek and practice the truth while performing their duty, so that their corrupt dispositions are purified and they achieve some genuine change. However, when things happen that are directly related to people’s destination and outcome, how do they behave? The truth is revealed in its entirety” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Six Indicators of Life Growth). God exposed my exact state. Over these years, I thought I’d come to stop pursuing blessings, but the desire for blessings was hidden deep in my heart, and if not for the revelation of the facts, I would still think that I had changed in this regard. Throughout these years, due to God’s mercy, I have been doing my duties in God’s house, so I still held on to false hope, thinking that God might have forgiven me. I suffered and paid a price in my duties, enduring illness to persist in my duties, and so I thought I was loyal to God. But when I saw that God handles those who sign the “Three Statements” by sending them to hell, I was paralyzed, and my hopes for blessings were completely dashed. I lost the desire to do my duties, and I didn’t even want to see to my work. Faced with the facts, I saw that I was still trying to make deals with God, and that I endured suffering in doing my duty just for blessings. I saw how deeply entrenched my intention to gain blessings was. I thanked God for His revelation, which made me know myself and also inspired my resolve to pursue the truth. After that, I resolved to entrust myself to God, and I knew that no matter how God treated me, what I needed to do was submit, stand firm in my final post, and fulfill the duties that I should. I prayed, “God, in light of what I have done, I should have long since been cleansed away. Over these years, I have enjoyed so much of the watering and provision of Your words for free, and I have gained quite a lot. Even if You now expel me, I will still thank You. God! I wish to follow You forever, and I shall no longer desire any blessings.” I thought of God’s words: “I do not ask to receive any blessings; all I ask is that I am able to walk the path I ought to walk according to God’s intentions” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Path … (6)). Pondering God’s words, I couldn’t help but break down in tears. My heart filled with gratitude toward God, and my spirit felt liberated like never before.

Having let go of the desire for blessings and wanting to fulfill my duties, one day, I received a letter from the upper leaders. Considering the background of my signing the “Three Statements” and my consistent performance of my duties in my faith, they could give me an opportunity to repent, and they told me to do my duties with peace of mind. When I received the letter, I was deeply moved. I felt that God’s righteous disposition toward people is love and salvation. No matter what God did, it was all to awaken my intransigent and numb heart, so that I may walk the right path of pursuing the truth. At that moment, my misunderstandings of God were resolved, I hated my own deceitfulness and lack of understanding of God’s painstaking intentions, and I realized how much of His heart’s blood He had invested in me. I then read God’s words. “Today God judges you, chastises you, and condemns you, but you must know that the point of your condemnation is for you to know yourself. He condemns, curses, judges, and chastises so that you might know yourself, so that your disposition might change, and, moreover, so that you might know your worth, and see that all of God’s actions are righteous and in accordance with His disposition and the requirements of His work, that He works in accordance with His plan for man’s salvation, and that He is the righteous God who loves, saves, judges, and chastises man” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. You Should Put Aside the Blessings of Status and Understand God’s Intention to Bring Salvation to Man). I’d read this passage of God’s word many times before, but I’d never truly understood it. Now, through my experience, I realized that what God does has no hatred toward people. No matter how God works, even if it involves condemnation or cursing, it is to purify people, to free them from the constraints and bondage of corrupt dispositions, and to save people from the power of Satan. God’s righteous disposition contains great salvation for people. I am willing to spend my life pursuing the truth and striving to meet God’s requirements. No matter my outcome, even if I can only labor for the Creator, I am willing and content. Thank God!