By Susanna, Sweden

In May of 2021, I was chosen to serve as a church leader and was mainly put in charge of our video production work. I was a little bit worried about doing this duty and thought to myself, “I’ve done some video production in the past, but my skills in this area are still a bit lacking. Will I really be able to supervise this work well? If I underperform and am replaced, what will my brothers and sisters think of me? Also, the people I’m supervising all have more technical knowledge than me—if I don’t identify the issues in their duties and can’t provide substantial suggestions, they’ll certainly think I’m an amateur who isn’t an effective supervisor and is not fit to be a leader.” The thought of this made me a bit anxious, but I knew that I should first accept this new duty and submit to the church’s arrangements.

To get up to speed with the work as soon as possible, I would sit in on any discussions my brothers and sisters would have about the work. At first, I would listen along diligently, but gradually I started to realize that I didn’t understand a lot of the professional skills being used and I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. I worried that if the brothers and sisters asked me for my viewpoint and I didn’t provide any substantive suggestions, they might think I was overestimating my own abilities and wasn’t qualified to be checking up on their work when I didn’t understand it at all myself. Would they think less of me? To maintain my image as a leader, apart from sharing my understanding of God’s words, I wouldn’t say a single thing during our discussions and overviews of the work during gatherings. I didn’t want to participate or pay close attention to discussions concerning the professional side of video production. I stopped bearing even the slightest burden and always thought, “I don’t understand the technical side of things anyways, so I’ll mainly just resolve any issues they have with life entry. As for technical issues, I’ll just leave them to rely upon and pray to God and discuss among themselves.” I remember one time, a sister sent a video she was working on to the group asking for suggestions. At the time, I thought that since I didn’t understand the technical side of production, I wouldn’t be able to find any issues in the video, and, what’s more, I would completely lose face if I said something wrong in front of everyone, so I didn’t plan on making any suggestions, and didn’t watch the video very closely. Later on, a group leader found an issue in the sister’s video and asked me if I had noticed it. I could feel myself blushing because I hadn’t watched the video carefully. To avoid being found out, I waited until the very end of every discussion to provide an overview and summarize what everyone said or otherwise just chimed in with a brief, perfunctory comment like, “I pretty much agree with everything that’s been said, I don’t have anything else to add.” I had barely said anything throughout the entire gathering and I felt terribly embarrassed and anguished—I even felt like there was no need for me to be there. After that, I began to avoid the technical aspects of the work even more and would seldom check up on the group leader’s work. During gatherings, I would just get a sense of people’s current states, observing whether they were bearing a burden in their duty or just going through the motions. As for the issues and difficulties related to their video production, I didn’t bother to get into the details with them, thinking that the group leader could handle it and I might as well let people with the appropriate technical skills resolve the issues. This would also prevent me from being exposed as useless if I were to be unable to resolve their issues. To give the impression that I could still do some actual work, whenever I noticed or heard that someone was in a bad state or had become negative, I would be quick to find words of God to fellowship with them in support. However, as soon as they brought up any difficulties they were having in their work, I would just perfunctorily respond, “When we rectify our state and rely upon God, God will lead us to resolve these problems.” Whenever I said this, their states would improve temporarily, but as soon as they encountered another problem in their duty and their issues remained unresolved, they would become negative again. Because I failed to resolve actual issues and didn’t check in on and supervise the work, many problems arose in the video production work, the brothers and sisters were not noticeably improving in their technical skills, they didn’t have a grasp of the relevant principles in the duty, would make the same mistakes repeatedly and, as a result, the quality of the work diminished. Despite the fact that my upper leader pointed out this issue to me and tried to help me, I didn’t have any real knowledge of myself. Not soon after that, I was replaced because I had failed to do actual work in my duty.

I felt absolutely awful after being suddenly replaced and I kept wondering, “Why did I end up becoming a false leader that didn’t do actual work despite being quite busy in my duty every day? Just what was the reason for my failure?” During that time, I read quite a lot of truths regarding discerning false leaders, and saw that nearly all of the behaviors of false leaders failing to do actual work which God dissected were things I myself had done. It was as if God was exposing me in person. This was especially true of the following passages: “One characteristic of false leaders is their inability to thoroughly explain or clarify any issues involving truth principles. If someone seeks from them, they can only tell them some empty words and doctrines. When faced with problems that need resolution, they frequently respond with a statement like, ‘You are all experts in doing this duty. If you have problems, you should figure them out yourselves. Don’t ask me; I am not an expert, and I don’t understand. Address it on your own.’ … False leaders often use reasons and excuses like ‘I don’t understand, I never learned it, I am not an expert’ to fob people off and dodge questions. They may look quite humble; however, this exposes a serious issue with false leaders—they lack any understanding of problems involving professional knowledge in certain tasks, they feel powerless and appear extremely awkward and embarrassed. What do they do then? They can only gather several passages of God’s words to fellowship with everyone during gatherings, talking about some doctrines to exhort people. Leaders with a bit of kindness might show concern for people and ask them from time to time, ‘Have you faced any difficulties in your life recently? Do you have enough clothes to wear? Have there been any among you who are misbehaving?’ If everyone says that they don’t have those issues, they reply, ‘Then there’s no problem. Carry on with your work; I have other matters to attend to,’ and hastily leave, fearing that someone might bring up questions and ask them to address them, putting them in an embarrassing situation. This is how false leaders work—they can’t resolve any real problems. How can they effectively carry out the work of the church? As a result, the accumulation of unresolved issues eventually hinders the work of the church. This is a prominent characteristic and manifestation of how false leaders work” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (2)). “Of course, being a leader doesn’t necessarily mean they need to understand every kind of profession, but they should clearly fellowship the truth principles necessary to solve problems, regardless of what kind of profession those problems relate to. As long as people understand the truth principles, problems can be resolved accordingly. False leaders use ‘I’m a layman at this; I don’t understand this profession’ as a reason to avoid fellowshipping the truth principles for solving problems. This is not doing real work. If false leaders consistently use ‘I’m a layman at this; I don’t understand this profession’ as a reason to avoid solving problems, then they are not fit for the work of leadership. The best thing they should do is to resign and let someone else take their place. But do false leaders possess this kind of reason? Will they be able to resign? They won’t. They even think, ‘Why do they say I’m not doing any work? I hold gatherings every day, and I’m so busy that I can’t even have meals on time, and I’m getting less sleep. Who says problems aren’t being solved? I hold gatherings and fellowship with them, and I find passages of God’s words for them.’ … You see, false leaders can’t do real work and yet they still provide a bunch of excuses. They’re truly shameless and disgusting! Their caliber is so poor, they don’t understand any professions, and they lack comprehension of the truth principles involved in every item of professional work—what’s the use of having them as leaders? They’re simply fools and good-for-nothings! Since they can’t do any real work, why are they still serving as church leaders? They’re simply devoid of reason. Since they lack self-awareness, they should listen to the feedback from God’s chosen people and assess whether they meet the standards for being a leader. And yet, false leaders never consider these things. Regardless of how much of the church’s work has been delayed, and how much loss has been inflicted on the life entry of God’s chosen people during their many years of serving as leaders, they don’t care. This is the ugly countenance of out-and-out false leaders” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (2)). God’s words cut me to the quick. The behaviors and characteristics of false leaders which God exposed were completely in line with my actual situation. God says that false leaders will use their lack of technical knowledge as an excuse to not actually involve themselves in supervising and checking in on all aspects of work, and as an excuse for not resolving brothers and sisters’ real issues and difficulties. They are satisfied to just speak words and doctrines and avoid or shirk away from dealing with specific, actual issues. That is exactly how I acted. Ever since being chosen as leader, I worried that since I didn’t have technical knowledge of video production, my deficiencies would be exposed when checking in on this work. I was terrified that the brothers and sisters would see through me and that I would be embarrassed in front of everyone. To preserve my own status and reputation, I would use my lack of technical knowledge as an excuse for not participating in work discussions. I rarely bothered to inquire with my brothers and sisters regarding their issues and difficulties, fearing that I wouldn’t be able to resolve their problems and would lose face in the process. Sometimes, when they asked me questions, I would just fob them off with some words and doctrines. Was I not deceiving them? Outwardly, it seemed as though I was quite busy—busy gathering, fellowshipping and seemingly resolving people’s issues and doing actual work—but really I was just working to bolster my reputation and only spoke of words and doctrines. I was presenting a façade to people and, in reality, I tried to avoid dealing with the brothers and sisters’ most actual issues whenever I could. Even as I clearly saw brothers and sisters saddled with issues that were influencing their states and affecting the results of their duty, I didn’t take the responsibility to resolve their issues. Instead, I used my lack of technical knowledge as an excuse to put off and shelve issues, or even cede responsibility to group leaders and have them deal with it. Reflecting upon my behavior, I saw that I wasn’t doing actual work at all. I was just acting perfunctorily, going through the motions and being deceptive. As a leader, was I not what God calls an “idiot” and a “good-for-nothing”? I held the title of leader, but I didn’t have the slightest bit of responsibility, only acted to maintain my own reputation and status, didn’t do any of the actual work that I should as a leader and didn’t fulfill any of the responsibilities I should fulfill, all of which severely affected the video production work. I was an out-and-out false leader and was not deserving of any trust whatsoever. Having realized all this, I felt incredibly regretful and prayed to God in repentance, “O God, I know my actions have been hurtful to You and left You disgusted. I am willing to repent and just ask that You guide and enlighten me so that I may know my own corruption and rebellion.”

Later on, I saw a passage of God’s words which said: “Antichrists’ cherishment of their reputation and status goes beyond that of normal people, and is something within their disposition essence; it is not a temporary interest, or the transient effect of their surroundings—it is something within their life, their bones, and so it is their essence. This is to say that in everything antichrists do, their first consideration is their own reputation and status, nothing else. For antichrists, reputation and status are their life, and their lifelong goal. In all they do, their first consideration is: ‘What will happen to my status? And to my reputation? Will doing this give me a good reputation? Will it elevate my status in people’s minds?’ That is the first thing they think about, which is ample proof that they have the disposition and essence of antichrists; they would not consider these problems otherwise. It can be said that for antichrists, reputation and status are not some additional requirement, much less something extraneous that they could do without. They are part of the nature of antichrists, they are in their bones, in their blood, they are innate to them. Antichrists are not indifferent toward whether they possess reputation and status; this is not their attitude. Then, what is their attitude? Reputation and status are intimately connected to their daily lives, to their daily state, to what they pursue on a daily basis. And so for antichrists, status and reputation are their life. No matter how they live, no matter what environment they live in, no matter what work they do, no matter what they pursue, what their goals are, what their life’s direction is, it all revolves around having a good reputation and a high status. And this aim does not change; they can never put aside such things. This is the true face of antichrists, and their essence” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). God revealed that antichrists highly value reputation and status and view it as their lifeblood. No matter what situation they find themselves in, or what they happen to be doing, their motive and starting point is always centered around reputation and status. Reflecting on myself, I realized I was no different. After I was chosen as leader, I didn’t consider how important the work was or how I could be mindful of God’s intentions and do the work well, but rather considered my own reputation and status. I worried that the other brothers and sisters would notice that I didn’t understand the technical side of the work and couldn’t do my work well. I even worried that I’d be exposed and replaced. Throughout my tenure as leader, I constantly worked to maintain my reputation and status, and, in order to hide my own deficiencies, I would always avoid and not inquire into any of the technical work. I worried that people would see my actual technical abilities and think that I wasn’t capable of supervising the work and wasn’t fit to be a leader. What’s more, to hide the fact that I wasn’t doing actual work and maintain my status as a leader, I busied myself holding gatherings, doing work that bolstered my reputation, speaking on doctrine, shouting slogans, and acting perfunctorily. I tried to make an outward display of business and taking on responsibility to mislead my brothers and sisters and trick them into believing I was doing actual work. I only engaged in this fraudulent, deceptive behavior and, as a result, the video production work was delayed. I realized I had been deeply corrupted by Satan. Satanic poisons like “People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark” and “A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies” had become my very nature. I lived by such poisons and only considered my own reputation and status while doing my duty. I didn’t have the slightest care for the church’s work or the life entry of my brothers and sisters. I would even shirk from doing duties I knew I should do—how selfish, despicable, deceitful, and slick I was!

I thought about how, as a church leader, even if I didn’t have technical knowledge of video production, I still should have worked together with my brothers and sisters to resolve the actual issues we faced in our work. That was my responsibility and the very least I ought to do as a part of my duty. Yet, I wasn’t mindful of God’s intentions in the slightest and only cared about maintaining my reputation and status. I always used my lack of knowledge as an excuse to pass off, avoid and not execute actual work, which led to a delay in resolution to my brothers and sisters’ issues, prevented them from finding a path of practice and negatively affected the video production work. These were all my transgressions. I realized that God’s righteous disposition is unoffendable—my being replaced was entirely the consequence of my seeking reputation and status and walking the path of an antichrist. If I didn’t repent and transform, I would certainly be exposed and eliminated.

Later on, I came across this passage of God’s words: “In fact, as a leader, after completing work arrangements, you must keep track of the work’s progress. Even if you aren’t familiar with that field of work—even if you lack any knowledge of it—you can find a way to do your work. You can find someone who is knowledgeable, who understands the work in question, to check things over and make suggestions. From their suggestions you can identify the appropriate principles, and thus you will be able to keep track of the work. Whether or not you are familiar with or understand the type of work in question, at the very least you must preside over it, follow up on it, and continuously make inquiries and ask questions about its progress. You must maintain a grasp of such matters; this is your responsibility, it is part of your job. Not keeping track of the work, not doing anything more once it has been assigned—washing your hands of it—is the way false leaders do things. Not following up or providing guidance on the work, not inquiring about or resolving issues that arise, and not grasping the progress or efficiency of the work—these are also manifestations of false leaders” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (4)). God’s words helped me realize that one does not need to understand and be capable of everything to be a church leader. Regardless of whether leaders and workers have technical knowhow, they should still actively participate in the work, keep track of progress, supervise, identify issues in a timely manner and resolve them. This is the attitude they should have toward their duty and is what God demands of leaders and workers. I thought of certain leaders and workers in the church that were in charge of certain areas of work requiring technical skills—despite their having certain deficiencies and shortcomings, they bore a burden in their work, were able to supervise and keep track of work progress in a timely manner, placed emphasis on guiding brothers and sisters to do their duties according to principle, and would work together with brothers and sisters to complement their respective strengths and weaknesses. Gradually, they would start to learn certain technical skills, as well as truth principles, and the results they achieved in their duty steadily improved. This led me to recall the story of Noah. When Noah set out to build the ark, he had actually never built an ark before and didn’t even know what an ark might look like. Yet, he was pure of heart, bore a burden and was mindful of God’s intentions. When God told him to do something, he would act according to His demands. In the end, the ark came together bit by bit and Noah successfully carried out God’s commission. As for me, how did I treat my duty? As a church leader, I didn’t consider how to be mindful of God’s intentions, get the church’s work done well and fulfill my duty, and instead sat perched in my position as leader and always sought ways to portray myself as being better and more capable than others. Afraid that if I took part in technical work my deficiencies and shortcomings would be revealed and the brothers and sisters would look down on me, I always used my lack of knowledge in the technical aspects of video production as an excuse to get out of participating—what an arrogant hypocrite I was! It was only then that I realized that what one assumes as a leader is not a title or status, but a responsibility and burden. I had to appropriately confront my own deficiencies and shortcomings and get rid of my obsession with the title and status of the position of leader. I had to care for God’s intentions, take responsibility for the church’s work, collaborate with my brothers and sisters to complement our respective strengths and weaknesses and get the church’s work done well. I wasn’t familiar with certain technical aspects of the work, but I could seek out brothers and sisters that were and seek and discuss together with them. I could ask them to provide more suggestions and ideas and have everyone work together to seek paths of practice and resolve our issues. Working in this way would allow all aspects of the work to proceed normally. If we still couldn’t resolve our issues after seeking and discussion, we could ask for help from the upper leadership—this would ensure that any problems in our work would be identified and resolved in a timely manner and would not cause delays in the church’s work. This was what I should and was completely capable of doing. I should have a responsible attitude toward the church’s work and do everything I could to accomplish what I was able to. Only in so doing would I be fulfilling my duty and responsibility. I realized that in the past, I put too much emphasis on reputation and status. I always used my lack of technical knowledge as an excuse, actively worked to maintain my reputation and status, and ultimately caused delays in the church’s video production work.

Later on, I came across this passage of God’s words: “For all who perform a duty, no matter how profound or shallow their understanding of the truth is, the simplest way to practice entering into the truth reality is to think of the interests of God’s house in everything, and to let go of one’s selfish desires, personal intents, motives, pride, and status. Put the interests of God’s house first—this is the least one should do. If a person who performs a duty cannot even do this much, then how can they be said to be performing their duty? That is not performing one’s duty. You should first think of the interests of God’s house, be considerate of God’s intentions, and consider the work of the church. Put these things first and foremost; only after that can you think about the stability of your status or how others regard you. Do you not feel that this becomes a little easier when you divide it into two steps and make some compromises? If you practice like this for a while, you will come to feel that satisfying God is not such a difficult thing. Furthermore, you should be able to fulfill your responsibilities, perform your obligations and duty, and set aside your selfish desires, intents, and motives; you should show consideration for God’s intentions, and put the interests of God’s house, the work of the church, and the duty that you are supposed to perform first. After experiencing this for a while, you will feel that this is a good way to comport yourself. It is living straightforwardly and honestly, and not being a base, vile person; it is living justly and honorably rather than being despicable, base, and a good-for-nothing. You will feel that this is how a person should act and the image that they should live out. Gradually, your desire to satisfy your own interests will lessen” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). Pondering over God’s words, I realized that no matter what duty we are doing, we should always set our intentions right, put aside personal desires, or aspirations for reputation and status, and strive to maintain the church’s work. We mustn’t worry about what others think of us, but should be able to accept God’s scrutiny and fulfill our responsibilities—only in so doing can we live straightforwardly and honestly. I thought about how being selected as leader was just an opportunity for me to practice and did not mean I was fully qualified for the position. I still had to continuously seek the truth in the process of doing my duty and work together with my brothers and sisters in order to do my duty well. Yet, I was too rebellious, only considered my status and reputation and failed to do actual work, all of which caused losses to the church’s work and led to my replacement. After I came to understand God’s intentions, I resolved to act according to God’s words in my duty going forward, to stop considering my reputation and status and fulfill my duty to satisfy God.

Soon after that, the church assigned me to water newcomers and, after a few months, I was promoted to group leader. Once again, I couldn’t help but worry: “I haven’t been watering newcomers for very long, lack experience and my ability to water newcomers is no better than the other brothers and sisters. Will I really be able to serve as an effective group leader? If I don’t do my job well and can’t recommend actual paths of practice for my brothers and sisters, will they think I’m unqualified to serve as a group leader? Will my leader think I lack caliber and competency?” I realized I was once again desiring to maintain my reputation and status. I thought of the lessons I learned from my past failure and hurriedly came before God in prayer. After finishing my prayer, I saw this passage of God’s words: “You must seek the truth to resolve any problem that arises, no matter what it is, and by no means disguise yourself or put on a false face for others. Your shortcomings, your deficiencies, your faults, your corrupt dispositions—be completely open about them all, and fellowship about them all. Do not keep them inside. Learning how to open yourself up is the first step toward life entry, and it is the first hurdle, which is the most difficult to overcome. Once you have overcome it, entering the truth is easy. What does taking this step signify? It means that you are opening your heart and showing everything you have, good or bad, positive or negative; baring yourself for others and for God to see; hiding nothing from God, concealing nothing, disguising nothing, free of deceit and trickery, and being likewise open and honest with other people. In this way, you live in the light, and not only will God scrutinize you, but other people will also be able to see that you act with principle and a degree of transparency. You do not need to use any methods to protect your reputation, image, and status, nor do you need to cover up or disguise your mistakes. You do not need to engage in these useless efforts. If you can let these things go, you will be very relaxed, you will live without constraints or pain, and you will live entirely in the light” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). Reading God’s words helped me gain clarity and gave me a path of practice. I shouldn’t disguise and conceal my deficiencies and shortcomings for the sake of reputation and status. Rather, I should have a proper attitude toward my deficiencies, practice being an honest person, carry out as much as I understood, and fulfill my duty and responsibility. After that, I actively kept track of the work’s progress and when I encountered issues that I lacked knowledge of or was incapable of handling myself, I would seek with my brothers and sisters to resolve the problem together. Each time the brothers and sisters had gatherings for discussions, I would diligently learn from them and absorb useful paths of practice they mentioned. I would also often arm myself with the truth of visions. After practicing this way for a period of time, I gradually came to grasp some principles, my performance in my duty gradually improved and I felt peaceful and at ease.

In my reflection on this experience of being replaced, God’s words have enlightened and guided me, instilling me with knowledge of the truth of my striving for reputation and status and the consequences of such actions. His words have also helped rectify my fallacious viewpoints. This is all God’s love and salvation!