By Lan Yu, China

Sunlight streamed through the iron bars into the ice-cold cell. A group of female inmates in prison uniforms sat silently on a communal concrete bunk. Lan Yu looked despondent, her face etched with sorrow. She knew her arrest was no coincidence; God’s intentions were certainly in it. She thought back on the time before her arrest, when she constantly competed for fame and gain with Xiaozhen, the sister she was cooperating with. She suddenly remembered some of God’s words: “The requirement made of you today—to cooperate harmoniously—is similar to the service Jehovah required of the Israelites: Otherwise, just stop doing service” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Serve As the Israelites Did). Lan Yu thought to herself, “Could it be that competing with Xiaozhen for fame and status and not cooperating harmoniously with her in our duty resulted in God’s righteous disposition coming upon me, and me being stripped of the eligibility to do my duty?” Lan Yu silently prayed to God, “Oh God, please guide me to know myself and to understand Your intention.” Lan Yu began to recall scenes from when she was doing her duty with Xiaozhen.

In the summer of 2018, Lan Yu was responsible for text-based work. Although she had just started to train herself, she wasn’t afraid of hardship and was willing to bear a burden. There was an evil person in the team who caused disruption and disturbance, and also suppressed and constrained Lan Yu. Though Lan Yu was in pain, she held fast to her duty. She worked with the leaders to expose and dissect the evil person and expel them from the church. The leaders then appreciated Lan Yu’s work capability a lot. When Lan Yu saw the leaders valued her, she became even more motivated in her duty. As the workload grew, the leaders appointed two more supervisors, and Xiaozhen was one of them. Xiaozhen was smart and meticulous, a good learner who accepted new things quickly. Lan Yu was happy to see Xiaozhen making such fast progress. One time, they were revising a script with the team members. Xiaozhen was able to identify problems in the script and pointed out how to revise it according to the principles. The sisters in the team agreed. This gave Lan Yu a shock. “Xiaozhen really has a knack for scriptwriting, and can also revise things based on the principles. She might surpass me soon!” But then she remembered she had some experience doing scriptwriting duty, and understood the principles a bit better than Xiaozhen, so she wasn’t too worried. Later, they divided up the work. Xiaozhen was responsible for scriptwriting, while Lan Yu handled other tasks. One day, Lan Yu went to a gathering, and the team leader said, “Xiaozhen is meticulous and comprehends principles quickly. When she reviews scripts, she can point out issues and suggest paths forward based on the principles. She has good caliber. Gathering with Xiaozhen is very rewarding.” Hearing this, Lan Yu grew worried. “I’ve been doing this duty for a year, and I’ve never heard the team leader praise me like that. Xiaozhen just got here, and everyone already thinks so highly of her. If she keeps getting a better grasp of the principles, will I lose my status in the hearts of the brothers and sisters?” A sense of crisis began to rise in Lan Yu’s heart. Later, the leader asked Lan Yu about Xiaozhen’s performance in her duty, and asked for an evaluation of Xiaozhen. Lan Yu vaguely guessed the leader wanted to focus on cultivating Xiaozhen, and jealousy instantly welled up in her heart. “I’m no worse than Xiaozhen in any aspect of my work, and I generally endure suffering and pay a price. I even help Xiaozhen with work she doesn’t know how to do. Why is the leader cultivating her and not me? I’ve been doing my duty longer than her. If she gets promoted before me, the brothers and sisters will definitely think she’s better than me, and they won’t look up to me anymore. I need to let the leader know about Xiaozhen’s shortcomings. Maybe then the leader won’t focus on cultivating her.” Lan Yu’s mind raced, and she then said to the leader, “Xiaozhen’s caliber and comprehension are good, and she’s conscientious and responsible in her duty. But she tends to shrink back from difficulties and relies on us a bit. She’s not great at bearing a burden.” As soon as the words left her mouth, Lan Yu felt a pang of self-reproach. She felt that what she did was not open and aboveboard and that it was despicable. But then she thought, “Everyone in the team thinks highly of Xiaozhen, and the leader is starting to focus on cultivating her. If this continues, I’ll be outshone by her sooner or later.” The jealousy crushed the little bit of guilt in her heart.

The detention center in July was like a sauna. The small space was packed with inmates, making the air feel even more oppressive and heavy. Large beads of sweat rolled down Lan Yu’s forehead, but her heart felt a series of cold chills as she recalled her various manifestations in the period she was cooperating with Xiaozhen. One time, Xiaozhen said a team leader had a prejudice against her, and she felt a bit constrained. She wanted Lan Yu to help her resolve the issue. Lan Yu felt secretly delighted. “Many team members think highly of you, and the leader wants to cultivate you. If I help you with this, won’t you stand out even more? Can just one group leader make you negative? It’s great that you can’t handle it. That way, you won’t get to display any work capability, and it won’t seem like you’re better than me.” So Lan Yu used urgent work as an excuse and didn’t step in to resolve the issue. A few nights later, Xiaozhen was slumped on the sofa, looking dejected. Lan Yu asked her what was wrong. Xiaozhen said the team leader’s arrogant disposition made her feel very constrained and the gathering hadn’t borne results. She felt she lacked the work capability to solve the problem and couldn’t do her duty as a supervisor. Seeing Xiaozhen so despondent and upset, Lan Yu felt a bit guilty. “Xiaozhen has a difficulty, and not only am I not helping, I’m just standing by and gloating. Isn’t that malicious of me?” Feeling some self-reproach and unease, Lan Yu went to the team gathering with Xiaozhen the next day. Through her inquiries, Lan Yu found that this team leader had an arrogant disposition, and frequently exalted herself, showed herself off, and pulled rank. She wouldn’t accept it when the supervisor monitored her or pointed out problems and the results of her work had been consistently bad. In the end, Lan Yu dismissed the team leader. After this matter was handled, the team members all felt Lan Yu had work capability and could handle problems. Lan Yu was delighted. “Now, in everyone’s eyes, my work capability is still better than Xiaozhen’s, right?” However, Lan Yu also felt a bit more self-reproach. “If this had been resolved sooner, Xiaozhen and the team members wouldn’t have been suppressed. I let the brothers and sisters be constrained and the church’s work be harmed to hold Xiaozhen back and keep her from standing out, rather than solve the problem together with her. Isn’t that selfish and despicable?” A chill ran down Lan Yu’s spine. She never imagined she could be so sinister and malicious. She was horrified by her own behavior and realized she couldn’t continue like this. But every time she saw others agree with Xiaozhen’s suggestions, Lan Yu felt uncomfortable and couldn’t help but feel jealous and competitive. Whether they were discussing articles or communicating about the work, Lan Yu would rack her brains trying to come up with better suggestions than Xiaozhen’s; whenever Xiaozhen expressed an opinion, Lan Yu wanted to refute it. Many times, Lan Yu directly rejected Xiaozhen’s suggestions, belittling her with her words and tone. This dealt Xiaozhen a blow and hurt her. Because of Lan Yu taking this attitude toward her over a long period, Xiaozhen believed she had poor work capability and her state became very negative. Several times, she said she couldn’t be a supervisor.

During that period, the work Xiaozhen was responsible for produced no results, and Lan Yu could feel Xiaozhen distancing herself from her. A few times, Lan Yu wanted to have an open talk with Xiaozhen, but then she thought, if Xiaozhen knew how despicable and malicious she was, what would Xiaozhen think of her? In the end, Lan Yu gave up on the idea. Later, because they weren’t cooperating harmoniously, the results of all the items of work declined. Lan Yu could no longer feel the Holy Spirit’s guidance. Sometimes she’d get sleepy very early in the evening, couldn’t see the problems in her duty, and struggled to resolve issues. Lan Yu constantly had a vague sense of unease and dread, feeling that God had hidden His face from her. But every time she gathered or implemented work with Xiaozhen, she couldn’t help but compete with her. Living in this state, Lan Yu felt exhausted in both body and mind. It wasn’t until she was arrested and lost the opportunity to do her duty that Lan Yu reflected on her state and manifestations during this time. She realized that her actions had long since incurred God’s loathing. Lan Yu thought of God’s words: “As a church leader, you do not merely need to learn to use the truth to resolve problems, you also need to learn to discover and cultivate people of talent, whom you absolutely must not envy or suppress. Practicing in this way is beneficial to the work of the church. If you can cultivate a few pursuers of the truth to cooperate with you and do each item of work well, and in the end, they all have experiential testimonies, then you are a leader or worker who is up to standard. If you are able to handle everything according to the principles, then you are being devoted. Some people always fear that others are better than they are or above them, that other people will be recognized while they get overlooked, and this leads them to attack and exclude others. Is this not a case of being envious of people with talent? Is that not selfish and despicable? What kind of disposition is this? It is a vicious disposition. Those who only think about their own interests, who only satisfy their own selfish desires, without thinking about others or considering the interests of God’s house, have a bad disposition, and God does not like them. If you are truly capable of showing consideration for God’s intentions, you will be able to treat other people fairly. If you recommend a good person and allow them to train and perform a duty, thereby adding a person of talent to God’s house, will that not make your work easier? Will you not then be devoted in your duty? That is a good deed before God; it is the minimum conscience and reason that those who serve as leaders should possess” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Dispositions). Pondering God’s words, Lan Yu realized that a good leader or worker, upon discovering someone who pursues the truth and bears a burden in their duty, will quickly cultivate, help, and support them, so they can shoulder the work as soon as possible, but she was the exact opposite. When she saw that Xiaozhen had caliber and work capability, was highly regarded by the brothers and sisters, and valued by the leader, she felt jealous. She worried that as Xiaozhen gained more and more attention, Xiaozhen would take her place in the hearts of the others and the leader, so she deliberately belittled Xiaozhen by mentioning her shortcomings in front of the leader. When Xiaozhen was constrained by the evil person and sought help, Lan Yu deliberately refused to help. She stood by and gloated, just to show everyone that Xiaozhen didn’t have such good caliber or work capability after all. This led to Xiaozhen being suppressed by the evil person and living in despondency. When they discussed work together, and Xiaozhen made suggestions that were beneficial to the work, Lan Yu would reject them because she was afraid of not being able to stand out and be prominent. She didn’t want others to see Xiaozhen’s work capability and always wanted to suppress her, which dealt a blow to Xiaozhen and hurt her deeply. Lan Yu realized that these manifestations were those of a person who is jealous of the capable. She only considered whether she could gain prominence, never considering the church’s work or whether she had fulfilled her duty. How malicious and selfish she was, utterly lacking in conscience and reason! In her pain, Lan Yu prayed to God, “Oh God, the mistake I’ve made is too great….”

“Always-on lights, boiled vegetables, and everyone’s heads facing out to sleep….” A few inmates joked about life in the detention center to find some joy in their misery, but Lan Yu’s heart was heavy; she felt the excruciating pain of being there. Recalling her manifestations before her arrest, she was filled with vehement hate for herself, regret, and self-reproach. She secretly made a resolution: If she ever had the chance to see Xiaozhen again, she would definitely apologize to her and open up her heart, exposing her own despicable and malicious ugly side. When less than four months were left of Lan Yu’s sentence, Xiaozhen was also sent to her cell. The moment she saw Xiaozhen walk in, handcuffed and holding her bedding, Lan Yu’s heart pounded with excitement. She felt this was a chance to make amends. Lan Yu talked with Xiaozhen about her experiences in the detention center over the past three years. Lan Yu wanted to apologize to Xiaozhen, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it, afraid of losing face. She worried about what Xiaozhen would think of her if she told her everything. Would Xiaozhen think she was arrogant, malicious, and had bad humanity? “Maybe I should just touch on it lightly?” Lan Yu was conflicted. Then she thought of God’s words: “To live out normal humanity, how should one open up and lay themselves bare? By opening up about the revelations of their corrupt disposition, allowing others to see through to the reality of their heart, and then, based on God’s words, dissecting and knowing the essence of the problem, and hating and detesting themselves from the bottom of their heart. When they lay themselves bare, they should not attempt to justify themselves or try to explain them away, but instead, they should simply practice the truth and be an honest person” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. On Harmonious Cooperation). Lan Yu realized that true repentance and change meant being willing to practice the truth, opening up and laying herself bare to others, exposing and dissecting her own corrupt disposition, letting others see her ugly side, not considering her own pride or status, and not caring if others rejected or hated her—just practicing being an honest person. She remembered that she had wanted to open up and lay herself bare when cooperating with Xiaozhen before, but was afraid of being looked down upon and couldn’t practice it. She knew she couldn’t be intransigent and rebellious any longer; she had to practice whatever she understood. Lan Yu mustered up her courage, found Xiaozhen, and told her how arrogant and jealous she had been when they had been partners…. Lan Yu poured out years of guilt and long-buried words from the bottom of her heart. At that moment, she felt a great weight lift. To her surprise, Xiaozhen didn’t blame her. She also opened up and shared her thoughts about Lan Yu. At that moment, Lan Yu felt much closer to Xiaozhen.

In October 2022, Lan Yu finally completed her sentence and was released. She told the brothers and sisters about her experience, and they reminded her to continue seeking the truth and reflecting on herself. Lan Yu read God’s words and saw clearly the nature and consequences of pursuing fame and gain. God says: “If someone says they love the truth and that they pursue the truth, but in essence, the goal they pursue is to distinguish themselves, to show off, to make people think highly of them, to achieve their own interests, and the performing of their duty is not to submit to or satisfy God, and instead is to achieve fame, gain, and status, then their pursuit is illegitimate. That being the case, when it comes to the work of the church, are their actions an obstacle, or do they help move it forward? They are clearly an obstacle; they do not move it forward. Some people wave the banner of doing the work of the church yet pursue their own personal fame, gain, and status, engage in their own enterprise, create their own little group, their own little kingdom—is this kind of person doing their duty? All the work they do essentially disrupts, disturbs, and impairs the work of the church. What is the consequence of their pursuit of fame, gain, and status? First, this affects how God’s chosen people eat and drink God’s word normally and understand the truth, it hinders their life entry, stops them from entering the right track of faith in God, and leads them onto the wrong path—which harms God’s chosen people, and brings them to ruin. And what does it ultimately do to the work of the church? It is disturbance, impairment, and dismantlement. This is the consequence brought about by people’s pursuit of fame, gain, and status. When they do their duty in this way, can this not be defined as walking the path of an antichrist? When God asks that people let go of fame, gain, and status, it is not that He is removing people’s right to choose freely; rather, it is because, while pursuing fame, gain, and status, people disrupt and disturb the work of the church and the life entry of God’s chosen people, and can even have an influence on more people’s eating and drinking God’s words, understanding the truth, and attaining God’s salvation. This is an undeniable fact. When people pursue their own fame, gain, and status, it is certain that they will not pursue the truth and that they will not devotedly fulfill their duty. They will only speak and act for the sake of fame, gain, and status, and all the work they do, without the least exception, is for those things’ sake. To behave and act in such a way is, without question, to walk the path of antichrists; it is a disruption and disturbance of God’s work, and all its various consequences are hindering the spreading of the kingdom gospel and the carrying out of God’s will within the church. So, it can be said with certainty that those who pursue fame, gain, and status are walking the path of resistance against God; they are intentionally resisting Him and naysaying Him, and cooperating with Satan in resisting God and standing in opposition to Him. This is the nature of people’s pursuit of fame, gain, and status. The error in people pursuing their own interests is that the goals they pursue are satanic ones, and they are wicked and unjust goals. When people pursue personal interests such as fame, gain, and status, they unwittingly become tools of Satan, outlets for Satan, and even more so embodiments of Satan. They play a negative role in the church; toward the work of the church, and toward the normal church life and normal pursuit of God’s chosen people, the effect they have is to disturb and impair; they have an adverse and negative effect” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part One)). From God’s words, she saw that when a person pursues fame and gain, no matter how much they suffer or what price they pay in their duty, they only dismantle and disturb the church’s work. Lan Yu thought about how, over nearly a year of cooperating with Xiaozhen, she had lived in a state of constant competition with her. When some of Xiaozhen’s views and suggestions were adopted and she got results in her duty, Lan Yu immediately felt a sense of crisis. She would rack her brains trying to come up with ideas that were better and more impressive than Xiaozhen’s, and she had no mind at all to ponder how to do her duty well. Because Lan Yu was always suppressing Xiaozhen, Xiaozhen determined that she couldn’t be a supervisor. She was constantly negative and weak, and wanted to resign. The results of the work Xiaozhen was responsible for also kept declining. Lan Yu, constantly living in her corrupt disposition, had lost the work of the Holy Spirit. She couldn’t see the problems in her duty clearly, causing the work to stagnate and severely hindering and disturbing the text-based work. These were the serious consequences of her jealousy and suppression of talented people. Lan Yu was terrified. She had been in charge of such important work, yet she had spent her days competing with others and neglecting her responsibilities. She was truly harming others and herself! The more Lan Yu reflected, the more her heart ached with pain. She felt the evil she had done was too great. She prayed to God, “Oh God, I am so selfish, wicked, sinister, and malicious. For the sake of status and reputation, I have caused such great harm to the brothers and sisters and to the church’s work. I deserve Your punishment and curse. Oh God, I am willing to repent and change.”

In July 2023, Lan Yu once again started doing her duty as a supervisor. She thought of Xiaozhen again. She thought, “Xiaozhen’s caliber and comprehension are good. She’s also suited to do text-based duty. She’s now been released after completing her sentence. If Xiaozhen could cooperate with me in this duty, she would surely be just as good as me. Maybe I should recommend her for text-based duty?” But then she worried again, “Xiaozhen has good caliber and progresses quickly. If she comes, will she take over my position as the supervisor?” Lan Yu realized she was once again considering her own pride and status. She thought of God’s words: “You must learn to forsake and let go of these things, learn to recommend others, and to let others stand out when there are good opportunities. Do not vie or compete for opportunities to stand out and shine whenever you encounter them. You must be able to give up your personal interests, but you must also not hold up the performance of your duty. Be a person who works in obscurity, doesn’t show off, and also devotedly does their duty” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Dispositions). “Do not always do things for your own sake and do not constantly consider your own interests; give no thought to your own pride, reputation, and status, and do not consider your personal interests. You must above all consider the interests of God’s house, and make them your priority. You should be considerate of God’s intentions and above all contemplate whether or not there have been impurities in the performance of your duty, whether you have been devoted, fulfilled your responsibilities, and given it your all, as well as whether or not you have been wholeheartedly thinking about your duty and the work of the church. You must consider these things. If you think about them frequently and figure them out, it will be easier for you to perform your duty well” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Dispositions). From God’s words, Lan Yu understood that when the church cultivates someone, it’s partly to let them be trained to resolve their corrupt dispositions and gain the truth in their duty, and also partly to enable more people to rise up to bear a burden and fulfill their duty, so as to better spread the gospel. Right now, people were needed for text-based work, so she couldn’t always be thinking about her own pride and status; she had to put the church’s work first and prioritize the church’s interests. So, Lan Yu recommended Xiaozhen for text-based duty. At the end of 2023, Lan Yu and Xiaozhen were reunited. Xiaozhen was unfamiliar with the work, so Lan Yu explained the details and fellowshipped on the principles with her. Lan Yu’s heart was free of jealousy and worry; she only thought about quickly cultivating Xiaozhen so she could shoulder the work as soon as possible. Xiaozhen’s caliber and comprehension ability were both very good, and she bore a burden in her duty. After a while, she was able to take charge of the work independently.

Later, Lan Yu was reassigned to another duty, where she ran into Sister Zhou Yue, whom she had known before. Several years had passed, and Lan Yu saw that Zhou Yue had progressed quickly, handled her work methodically, and had made a lot of progress in her life entry. Sometimes, when they encountered difficult problems, Zhou Yue would fellowship and analyze them based on the principles and handle them properly. The brothers and sisters around them tended to ask Zhou Yue for advice, and they thought highly of her and trusted her. Lan Yu couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. But she realized she was again considering her own pride and status and wanting to compete with others, so she sought the truth to resolve it. Later, she read God’s words: “So what if other people think highly of you? Can that replace your pursuit of the truth? If others look down on you, will you become negative and stop believing in God? What effect can the high regard of others have on you? Can it spur you on or encourage you? It doesn’t do anything at all” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (28)). That’s right. Being highly regarded by others can’t help you understand the truth. It does nothing to help you pursue the truth or do your duty well. On the contrary, when you don’t receive high regard, you end up living in a state of competing for fame and gain, doing things that harm others, harm yourself, and disrupt and disturb the church’s work. Lan Yu realized she shouldn’t focus on her pride and status anymore. She needed to focus on practicing the truth and fulfilling her duty. This was the right path. After that, when Lan Yu saw other sisters asking Zhou Yue for advice, she would quiet her heart and listen to Zhou Yue’s fellowship. Through Zhou Yue’s fellowship, Lan Yu gradually felt her own perspective broadening, her thinking on how to handle problems becoming clearer, and that she was gaining more clarity on some truths she hadn’t quite understood. Sometimes Lan Yu would also share her own views and suggestions, and if they were beneficial to the duty, everyone would consider and listen to them. Everyone cooperated with each other, problems in their duty were resolved in a timely manner, and the results of their duty improved. Lan Yu experienced how letting go of pride and status and cooperating harmoniously with others was so beneficial to the church’s work and to her own life entry.

Lan Yu looked back on this experience. Although she had suffered a bit in the flesh from being arrested and persecuted by the CCP, she had gained some understanding of the God-resisting essence of her pursuit of pride and status. At the same time, Lan Yu also understood that if others had strong work capability, she should learn from them and cooperate with them to do their duty well together. Whether or not she was highly regarded by others has nothing to do with her pursuit of the truth and attainment of salvation. The most important thing is to fulfill her own duty, and to pursue the truth to achieve a change in disposition. Lan Yu felt that this was all God’s salvation, and these understandings and gains are so precious!