I Only Just Realized That I Lack the Truth Reality

March 2, 2024

By Guangchun, China

In August of 2022, an article of experiential testimony that I wrote was made into a video and uploaded online. I was very surprised and excited, and I quickly went to tell one of the sisters whom I knew fairly well about it. At the time, I didn’t make it too widely known, as I knew it was due to God’s enlightenment and guidance and that I shouldn’t show myself off. Several months later, two more experiential testimony articles that I wrote were also made into videos and uploaded. This time, I couldn’t restrain my excitement any longer, and I thought to myself, “Three of my experiential testimony articles are chosen to be made into videos. This is the most of anyone in our church, which proves that I have some practical experience, that I know how to know myself, and that I can share experiential testimony. It looks like I’m not too far from attaining salvation.” At the time, I happened to be gathering together with several sisters, and I thought to myself, “If they knew that my articles of experiential testimony were filmed into videos and put online, they would certainly envy me and think highly of me. They would think that I was someone who pursued the truth and had life entry.” I thought of what Sister Xiaoxiao said when she was talking about her state a couple days earlier. In her heart, she felt opposition toward the person in charge supervising and checking up on her work, and she didn’t know how to resolve such a state. So, I said, “An article of experiential testimony that I wrote discusses the same state as Xiaoxiao’s. It’s about being unwilling to accept my leader’s supervision when doing my duty. We can all take a look at it together.” Later, I sent the video to the brothers and sisters, and analyzed in detail how, during this experience, I was able to target my state and dissect and recognize it. After Xiaoxiao watched the video, her expression revealed a look of envy. Another sister named Li Qi said, “I don’t know how to seize hold of my corrupt revelations and reflect on and know myself like you do, or how to seek the relevant truths to resolve them. I only have a rough understanding of my state. Now, fellowshipping like this, I understand a bit about the path to life entry. I truly lack so much.” I was very happy, and I thought to myself, “I really do understand the truth and have life entry, and I can resolve your states. I can also talk about paths to practice.” I thought I was better than everyone else there, and I was full of confidence. Before, Li Qi was living in a negative state, and she wasn’t willing to come out and gather, so I purposefully asked her, “Are you willing to participate in the next gathering?” Li Qi happily replied, “Yes, I’m willing; I’ll participate as long as you’re there. Before, I didn’t know how to focus on life entry, and now I have some understanding. Attending gatherings is so beneficial!” Seeing Li Qi’s satisfied expression, I felt a great sense of accomplishment, and thought that I was an excellent leader. Not only could I resolve work-related problems, I could also guide brothers and sisters to pursue life entry. During that time, I often lived in a state of self-admiration. I thought that I was amazing, and no matter where I went, I always thought that I was the person with the most experience, the most life entry, and the most truth reality.

At one gathering, Sister Yi Ran asked me to share how I did my work. Hearing this, I couldn’t help but feel a bit happy. I thought to myself, “I see that you all don’t know how to work. Just wait, I’ll tell you all about how I do my work and show you that I have working abilities.” At the beginning, I said modestly, “When I first started doing this duty, I also didn’t know how to work, and I didn’t know how to organize my priorities.” Next, I let loose a string of words about how I did my work. I saw that the brothers and sisters were all diligently listening to my fellowship, and casting looks of envy at me. I thought that my fellowship was quite good, and I was extremely happy. After that, I went to another group’s gathering. When I was fellowshiping, I pondered, “How can I fellowship so that the brothers and sisters see that I have working abilities?” I thought that the gospel work I was in charge of had produced some results, and so I emphasized how I took charge of this gospel work. I said, “First, one must properly arrange their personnel. I arranged the brothers’ and sisters’ duties according to their different calibers and specialties. Also, I was relatively focused on resolving the gospel-spreading personnel’s states and issues. When I put my heart into the gospel work, the number of people gained increased each month. The brothers and sisters praised me, saying that I was of high caliber and had working abilities.” Seeing that they were all listening intently, I felt happy, but also regretful. Because, at the time, there were only three people listening to my fellowship. I thought to myself, “It would be great if there could be more people to listen and know about my working abilities.” After the gathering, my heart was ill at ease. I had a faint feeling that I may have been exalting and testifying to myself. But I reconsidered this, and thought that this is just my experience, and that everything I said was a fact. It didn’t amount to exalting and testifying to myself. Just when I was reveling in my happiness, I suddenly received a sister’s letter. In her letter, she pointed out and exposed my problem: “When you fellowship at gatherings, you always show yourself off, talking about how you do your work, what results you achieve in the end, and how others think highly of you. You discuss these in great detail, but I hear nothing about how you bear witness to God. Listening to your fellowship, I also thought very highly of you, and thought that you are so young yet so good at your work, and that you are in such pursuit of the truth. Just like that, you established your position in my heart, and the other brothers and sisters also thought quite highly of you. You brought everyone before you and made them think highly of you and worship you. Continuing like this is dangerous; it’s the path of antichrists.” When I read the letter, I felt terrible. But I only admitted that I was walking the wrong path and didn’t seriously reflect on myself at all.

Afterward, I felt a great darkness in my heart. When something befell me, I wouldn’t focus on self-reflection, and when I saw something that wasn’t to my liking, I couldn’t restrain my temper. On all matters, I thought that I was right, and that the brothers and sisters were wrong. For example, when the work I was in charge of yielded poor results, I didn’t reflect on whether I had done practical work, but instead placed the responsibility on my brothers and sisters, saying that it was the brothers’ and sisters’ poor caliber that led to this lack of results. The people that I chose were also not suitable, and the sister I was paired with reminded me to choose people according to the principles. I opposed and did not accept this in my heart. I was negative and hostile, saying that I had poor working abilities and couldn’t do practical work. When Sister Yang Ting and I reviewed the gospel work, I saw that there had been no improvement, and for no reason, I dealt with her, saying that she had no burden to bear and didn’t do practical work. This affected Yang Ting quite a lot. I became aware that I was in a bad state, and I felt that I did not have the work of the Holy Spirit. In all these matters that befell me, not once did I try to know myself, and I also acted without principles. What I brought the brothers and sisters was nothing but constraint and harm. Thinking this, I was terrified. I pursued fame and status, and often exalted and testified to myself. When something befell me, I didn’t accept the truth and brought no benefits to anyone. Before long, I was replaced. At this time, I had the feeling that disaster was imminent. In my heart, I knew very well that God’s judgment and chastisement had come upon me. I felt very bad and regretted that I had not repented in time. I silently prayed to God in my heart, “God! I exalted and testified to myself while doing my duty, and I was replaced. I know that this is Your way of loving and protecting me. God! Please enlighten me, guide me, and help me truly know myself.”

After this, I reflected on and tried to know myself based on the issues that the brothers and sisters pointed out, and in a spiritual devotion, I read these words of God: “Exalting and testifying about themselves, flaunting themselves, trying to make people think highly of them and worship them—corrupt mankind is capable of these things. This is how people instinctively react when they are governed by their satanic natures, and it is common to all of corrupt mankind. How do people usually exalt and testify about themselves? How do they achieve the aim of making people think highly of them and worship them? They testify to how much work they have done, how much they have suffered, how much they have expended themselves, and what price they have paid. They use these things as the capital by which they exalt themselves, which gives them a higher, firmer, more secure place in people’s minds, so that more people appreciate, think highly of, admire, and even worship, look up to, and follow them. To achieve this aim, people do many things that testify to God on the surface, but essentially exalt and testify about themselves. Is acting that way reasonable? They are beyond the purview of rationality and have no shame, that is, they unabashedly testify to what they have done for God and how much they have suffered for Him. They even flaunt their gifts, talents, experience, special skills, their clever techniques for worldly dealings, the means they use to toy with people, and so on. Their method of exalting and testifying about themselves is to flaunt themselves and belittle others. They also camouflage and package themselves, hiding their weaknesses, shortcomings, and deficiencies from people so that they only ever see their brilliance. They do not even dare to tell other people when they feel negative; they lack the courage to open up and fellowship with them, and when they do something wrong, they do their utmost to conceal it and cover it up. Never do they mention the harm they have caused to the work of the church in the course of doing their duty. When they have made some minor contribution or achieved some small success, however, they are quick to show it off. They cannot wait to let the whole world know how capable they are, how high their caliber is, how exceptional they are, and how much better they are than normal people. Is this not a way of exalting and testifying about themselves? Is exalting and testifying to oneself something someone with conscience and reason does? It is not. So when people do this, what disposition is usually revealed? Arrogance. This is one of the chief dispositions revealed, followed by deceitfulness, which involves doing everything possible to make other people hold them in high esteem. Their words are completely watertight and clearly contain motivations and schemes; they are showing themselves off, yet they want to hide this fact. The outcome of what they say is that people are made to feel that they are better than others, that no one is their equal, that everyone else is inferior to them. And is this outcome not achieved via underhanded means? What disposition is behind such means? And are there any elements of wickedness? (There are.) This is a kind of wicked disposition. It can be seen that these means they employ are directed by a deceitful disposition—so why do I say it is wicked? What connection does this have to wickedness? What do you think: Can they be open about their aims in exalting and testifying about themselves? They can’t. But there is always a desire in the depths of their hearts, and what they say and do is in aid of that desire, and the aims and motivations of what they say and do are kept very secret. They will, for example, employ misdirection or some shady tactics to achieve these aims. Is such secretiveness not devious in nature? And can such deviousness not be called wicked? (Yes.) It can indeed be called wicked, and it runs deeper than deceitfulness(The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Four: They Exalt and Testify About Themselves). God’s words hit the nail on the head and exposed our intentions and aims in exalting and testifying to ourselves. It is all to get people to think highly of us and worship us, and to have a place in their hearts. Thinking back, my exalting and showing myself off was so that people would think highly of and look up to me. When I saw that my articles were made into videos and uploaded online, I wasn’t testifying to the results that God had achieved from working on me, but instead was using them as capital to flaunt myself and get others to think highly of me. During that gathering, when I heard that Xiaoxiao’s state was similar to my experience, I didn’t fellowship about my knowledge of God’s words based on my own experience to help her understand the truth and try to know her own corrupt disposition, but instead I flaunted myself and intentionally analyzed my articles in great detail so that I could better show my brothers and sisters that I was of good caliber, had life entry, and was someone who pursued the truth. Then, they would think highly of me and worship me. Especially when Sister Yi Ran asked me how I did my work, I didn’t fellowship about how to master the principles of working, but instead went on and on about how good I was at arranging work so that everyone would think I had working abilities and then think highly of and worship me. When I went to the other group to gather, it was the same. When I fellowshiped, I specially chose my most successful experience in order to show myself off and show them that I was not ordinary, so that I could leave a good impression on them. Actually, when I first started doing my duty, there were many things I didn’t understand, and I experienced many failures. It was the guidance of God’s words and the fellowship and aid of my brothers and sisters that enabled me to grasp some principles. But I didn’t talk about my corruptions or what I was lacking, and specifically displayed my brightest and shiniest side in order to show the brothers and sisters that I was of good caliber, that I pursued the truth, that I had working abilities, that I was talented, and that everyone should see me in a new light. My intentions in fellowshiping during gatherings were to show myself off, to show people that I knew how to experience and to work, so that they would think highly of and look up to me. I was testifying to myself, showing myself off, and misleading others. In fellowshiping with my brothers and sisters with such intentions, I was truly so despicable and wicked! I thought of what was said in the ten administrative decrees that God’s chosen people must abide by: “1. Man should not magnify himself, nor exalt himself. He should worship and exalt God(The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Ten Administrative Decrees That Must Be Obeyed by God’s Chosen People in the Age of Kingdom). And God’s words say: “Everyone who walks the path of the antichrists exalts and bears testimony for themselves, promotes themselves and shows themselves off at every turn, and doesn’t care about God at all. Have you experienced these things that I’m talking about? Many people persistently testify for themselves, talking about how they suffer this and that, how they work, how God values them, and entrusts to them some such work, and what they are like, deliberately using particular tones while speaking, and affecting certain manners, until eventually some people will probably begin to think that they are God. The Holy Spirit has long since abandoned those who reach this degree, and while they have not yet been cleared out or expelled, and are left instead to render service, their fate is already sealed and they are just awaiting their punishment(The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. People Make Too Many Demands of God). After reading God’s words, I felt that His righteous disposition must not be offended. What God detests most is people exalting and showing themselves off, and people who do so can easily lose the work of the Holy Spirit. If they do not repent, they will be met with punishment in the end. After reading God’s words, I finally woke up to reality. I thought back to how all this time, in order for people to think highly of me, I was eager to let people know that I wrote a few articles of experiential testimony. I turned the results of the Holy Spirit’s work and guidance into my own great achievement that I propagated everywhere. Whether I was gathering with the brothers and sisters or discussing work, whenever I saw someone, I would seize the opportunity to shamelessly peddle my experience so that the brothers and sisters would see that I am of good caliber, have working abilities, and am someone who is pursuing the truth, resulting in them thinking highly of and worshiping me. I was brazenly showing myself off and drawing in the hearts of others. This was an offense to God’s disposition. It occurred to me during that time, when I lost the work of the Holy Spirit, fell into darkness, and ultimately was replaced, that this was God’s righteous disposition coming upon me. God detested what I did so much, and He hid His face from me. God is righteous and holy, and His disposition must not be offended, but I had no sense of shame, and I brazenly stole God’s glory. I gave myself credit for the results of God’s work and bragged about my strengths. I truly did not have a God-fearing heart at all, and I was walking the path of antichrists. I was doing evil. Thinking up to this point, my heart spasmed with pain. Seeing that even though I had satisfied my desire for status by exalting and testifying to myself, what I got in exchange was God’s loathing and losing the work of the Holy Spirit. If I continued like this, I would lose my chance to attain salvation. Now, I had been replaced, which was a warning from God. I had to properly reflect on myself and repent.

I pondered, “Why was I able to exalt and testify to myself and step onto this wrong path? Which corrupt disposition was controlling me?” I also prayed to God and asked Him to enlighten and guide me. In a spiritual devotion, I read these words of God: “If you have an arrogant and conceited disposition, then being told not to oppose God makes no difference, you can’t help yourself, it is beyond your control. You would not do it on purpose; you would do it under the domination of your arrogant and conceited nature. Your arrogance and conceit would make you look down on God and see Him as being of no account; they would cause you to exalt yourself, constantly put yourself on display; they would make you scorn others, they would leave no one in your heart but yourself; they would rob you of God’s place in your heart, and ultimately cause you to sit in the place of God and demand that people submit to you, and make you venerate your own thoughts, ideas, and notions as the truth. So much evil is done by people under the dominance of their arrogant and conceited nature!(The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Pursuing the Truth Can One Achieve a Change in Disposition). “People with an arrogant nature are capable of disobeying God, resisting Him, committing acts which pass judgment on Him and betray Him, and doing things that exalt themselves and that are an attempt to establish their own independent kingdoms. Say there were several tens of thousands of people in a country that accepted God’s work, and God’s house sent you there to lead and shepherd God’s chosen ones. And say God’s house handed authority over to you and allowed you to work by yourself, without oversight by Me or anyone else. After several months, you would have become like a sovereign ruler, all power would be in your hands, you’d call the shots, all the chosen ones would revere you, worship you, obey you as if you were God, singing your praises with every word, saying you preach insightfully, and persistently claiming that your utterances were what they needed, that you could provide for them and lead them, and their hearts would have no place for God. Would this kind of work not be problematic? How would you have done it? For these people to be capable of such a reaction would prove that the work you were doing did not involve bearing testimony to God at all; rather, it only bore testimony to yourself and showed yourself off. How could you achieve such a consequence? Some people say, ‘What I fellowship is the truth; I’ve certainly never testified to myself!’ That attitude of yours—that manner—is one of trying to fellowship to people from God’s position, and it is not one of standing in the position of a corrupt human. Everything you say is bombastic talk and making demands of others; it has nothing at all to do with yourself. Therefore, the consequence you would achieve is to get people to worship you and envy you until, in the end, they all submit to you, testify to you, exalt you, and flatter you to high heaven. When that happens, you will be finished; you will have failed! Is this not the path you are all on right now? If you are asked to lead a few thousand or a few tens of thousands of people, you would feel elated. You would then give rise to arrogance and start trying to occupy God’s position, speaking and gesticulating, and you would not know what to wear, what to eat, or how to walk. You would revel in life’s comforts and hold yourself aloft, not deigning to meet with ordinary brothers and sisters. You would become utterly degenerate—and would be laid bare and cast out, struck down like the archangel. You are all capable of this, are you not? So, what should you do? If, one day, arrangements were made for you to be responsible for the work of the gospel in every country, and you were capable of walking the path of an antichrist, then how could the work be expanded? Would this not be troublesome? Who, then, would dare to let you go out there? After being sent there, you would never return; you would pay no attention to anything God said, and you would just keep on showing off and bearing testimony to yourself, as if you were bringing people salvation, doing God’s work, and making people feel as though God had appeared and was here working—and as people worshiped you, you would be overjoyed, and you would even acquiesce if they treated you like God. Once you reached that stage, you would be done for; you would be scrapped. Without your realizing it, this kind of arrogant nature would end up being your ruin. This is an example of a person who walks the path of the antichrists(The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. An Arrogant Nature Is at the Root of Man’s Resistance to God). From God’s words, I understood that when exalting and testifying to myself, I was under the control of an arrogant nature. Because three of my articles were made into videos and uploaded online, I held myself in very high regards, and thought that I was someone who had the truth reality and would be saved. I also praised myself for being able to resolve the brothers’ and sisters’ problems and being the most suitable leader. Whether the brothers and sisters were discussing their states, or whether we were talking about work, I used every opportunity to show them my experiential testimony articles and analyze how I gained knowledge and experience, so that they would see that I had the truth reality and think highly of and worship me. I was so arrogant that I lost all reason and didn’t know who on earth I was. Every person with a bit of reason and a bit of a God-fearing heart will give all the glory to God when they see the results achieved by His work. But meanwhile, I didn’t have any reason at all. I wrote several articles of experiential testimony and thought that I had the truth reality, and thus, I started to testify to myself. I truly had no sense of shame. I thought of Paul, whose nature was extremely arrogant and conceited. He thought he understood more than others and was above the crowd of apostles. He never dissected or tried to know himself, nor did he accept God’s judgment and chastisement. When Paul saw some results in his work, he would flaunt himself everywhere, showing that he was good at working and preaching. He would testify about how much suffering he endured and how great a price he paid, and he misled quite a few believers. He got people to falsely believe that he had the truth reality, and to treat his words as the words of God. Ultimately, he offended God’s disposition and was met with God’s punishment. The disposition I had revealed was no different than Paul’s. I was also extremely arrogant and conceited. I wrote several articles of experiential testimony and paraded myself as someone with the truth reality. I always used these articles to show off, which led to the brothers and sisters worshiping me. I was misleading people just like Paul was. Only God is the truth, and only God’s words can resolve people’s states and difficulties. And only God’s words are fit to be spread to everyone. Only God is worthy of people’s worship and admiration. I am a mere corrupt human, but I was always pursuing getting people to think highly of and worship me. I was walking the path of resisting God. If I did not repent, I would offend His disposition and be destroyed. Inside, I was trembling with fear; it was as if God’s fury could be unleashed upon me at any time. In my heart, I constantly said to God, “God! I was wrong. I am no more than a corrupt human. My disposition is arrogant, I stole Your glory, and I lost the work of the Holy Spirit. This is Your righteousness. I am too unreasonable, and I should truly be punished. God! I am so afraid that You’ll abandon me, and I’m willing to come before You and repent.”

Later, I was also self-reflecting, and I realized I always thought that writing articles of experiential testimony meant that I had the truth reality and that I was great. Did such a view align with the truth? I read God’s words and found an answer to this question. God says: “People’s lives progress very slowly, because the truth that people understand involves people’s nature essence, people’s existence, and the things that people live by, and this involves the transformation of one’s disposition as well as changes in one’s life. How can it be so easy for your life to change into another life? In one respect, it requires God’s work, and at the same time, it also needs people to actively cooperate; on top of that, there are the trials of the external environment, as well as your personal pursuit; in addition, you must have sufficient caliber and perceptiveness, and God will then give you additional enlightenment and guidance; what’s more, God will mete out some chastisements, judgments, prunings and dealings to you, and your brothers and sisters will criticize you, and still you must pursue upward, so that those things which belong to Satan can be eliminated—only then can the positive things that belong to the truth enter in little by little. … Don’t think that since you have listened to a lot of sermons, the truth has become your life, and you have obtained the truth. You are still far from that! Don’t think that just because you have written a testimony article or had that kind of experience, you are already saved. You are not there yet! That is just a small fragment in your long life experience. This fragment may be just a momentary mood, a momentary feeling, a momentary wish or ambition, and nothing more. When one day you are weak and you look back and listen to the testimonies you once gave, the oaths you once made, and the understandings you once came to, they will feel unfamiliar to you, and you will say, ‘Was that me? Did I have such great stature? How come I don’t know? That wasn’t me, surely?’ At this point you will realize that your life still hasn’t changed. What does it indicate if your life hasn’t changed? It is that your disposition still hasn’t transformed. How will you feel when you discover that—despite having given testimonies and having thought at the time that you were already of great stature—you can still become as negative as you are now? Would you not think that transforming one’s disposition is too hard? The truth is not something that can be wrought into people overnight. If people really gain the truth as their life, they will be blessed, and their lives will be different. They will no longer be like they are now, often revealing corrupt dispositions, but will be able to submit absolutely to God and do their duty loyally, and they will be completely transformed(The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part One)). “Most people’s experiential testimony articles are about experiencing a situation that forces them to do something, achieving ‘submission to God’ in their actions, and feeling pleased in their hearts, thinking they have contributed a great deal. Even though you’ve written a testimony article, you are essentially showcasing, bearing witness to, and establishing yourself, thinking, ‘Look, I have a testimony—I haven’t let God down. I have held onto my duty in this situation!’ Some may go through profound self-reflection when they face pruning and dealing with, realizing, ‘I was just acting in a perfunctory manner and didn’t satisfy God, so I’ll change!’ What aspects do you change? Your approaches, thought processes, and viewpoints and attitudes toward doing this thing change. However, does your corrupt disposition change? No, behind the scenes, you remain arrogant and insolent. Your perspective, stance, and viewpoint in how you view and handle people and things are not based on God’s words at all. So, your corrupt disposition has not started to change even now! Then, what is your so-called change? It’s just a change in behavior and lifestyle, and your tone, inflection, and style in how you deal with people and things may change somewhat. Your determination has become stronger, and after various situations and pruning and dealing with, along with the inspiration from hearing many experiential testimonies, your determination to believe in God and resolution to follow Him have become firmer—these are the changes that have occurred. These changes, to a certain extent, make you more dignified, upright, and determined, and your attitude toward the truth and toward attaining salvation becomes somewhat more positive, proactive, filled with hope, and optimistic. … The bad news is that what you have revealed and manifested so far is only a change in behavior and ideology. There are also certain signs of some relatively positive, proactive, and optimistic elements in your subconscious becoming awakened, but these signs do not mean that your corrupt disposition has started to change(The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth II. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). After reading God’s words, I was very humiliated and ashamed. In the past, I thought if I wrote several articles of experiential testimony that were made into videos and uploaded online, I would have the truth reality and be better than others, and even not be far off from salvation. According to God’s words, my view was fallacious and not aligned with the truth. Even though I was self-reflective and had knowledge on one matter, and so I wrote an article of experiential testimony, this only meant that I had gained some rewards and knowledge at this stage, not that I had cast off my corrupt disposition and was someone with the reality and with life. In fact, I had been deeply corrupted by Satan; satanic dispositions were deeply ingrained in me, and I also had many satanic poisons inside me. It was not that case at all that if I understood a bit of the truth or could practice the truth once in regard to a certain matter, my satanic dispositions would then be able to change completely. During this time, I lived in my arrogant disposition, thinking that I was superior to and better than everyone and shamelessly exalting and showing myself off, also blindly dealing with the brothers and sisters with my arrogant disposition and hot-headedness. I still had many corrupt dispositions that I hadn’t resolved, and I absolutely did not have God’s words as my life. I also recognized that the articles of experiential testimony I wrote only meant that I had some understanding of a certain aspect of my corrupt dispositions or incorrect views and was temporarily able to put a bit of the truth into practice, but I had not come to thoroughly despise and rebel against my own nature essence. When faced with a similar matter, I would still be bound by my corrupt dispositions and be unable to put the truth into practice. Just like before, when I wrote about my experience as a people pleaser and recognized that I was controlled by the idea “If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings,” and that I was selfish and despicable, safeguarding my own interests. Through reading God’s words, I became a bit more discerning toward such viewpoint, but afterward, when faced with the same kind of matter, I was still controlled by my selfish, deceitful nature and could not completely practice the truth. I still needed to accept more of the judgment and chastisement of God’s words and gradually cast off my corrupt disposition. People with true dispositional change and the truth reality view things based on God’s words no matter what befalls them, and do not live according to their satanic corrupt disposition and satanic viewpoints. They can stand firm in their position as created beings, bear witness for God, and live out normal human likeness. But I was still often governed by my corrupt dispositions, and what I lived out did not contain any components of bearing witness for God. I was also brazenly exalting and testifying to myself and living in Satan’s image. I was humiliating God; what truth reality did I have? I was so far from being saved. Only at this time did I clearly see my real stature: I was a corrupt human, fundamentally unworthy of being thought highly of and praised by others. When I had some results in doing my duty, it was achieved by God’s words and work and the enlightenment and guidance of the Holy Spirit. If it was not for God’s enlightenment and guidance, then I would be an utter fool who understood nothing, amounted to nothing, and was not better than others. Recognizing this, I was a bit disgusted with myself. I still had so many corruptions and lacked so much, yet I did not know myself at all and still thought that I had the truth reality. I was so arrogant and without reason, and God truly detested me.

More than a month later, I was assigned to do my duty once again. I was very afraid that I would repeat the same mistakes, and I often prayed to God, asking Him to guide me to practice the truth. One time, I was gathering with some leaders, and I heard Zhang Ying mention that she noticed the brothers’ and sisters’ problems but didn’t dare to instruct them, and I thought that this was a manifestation of people pleasers. I thought to myself, “There are quite a few people here; why don’t I show them my article of experiential testimony about this? This way, they will certainly think highly of me, and just like that, I will establish my image among the brothers and sisters.” At this time, I recognized that once again, I wanted to show myself off. I thought of God’s words: “To prevent making the same old mistakes, people must first be aware that they have yet to obtain the truth, that there has not been a change in their life disposition, and that although they believe in God, they still live under the power of Satan, and have not been saved; they are liable to betray God and stray from God at any time. If they have this sense of crisis in their hearts—if, as people often say, they are prepared for danger in times of peace—then they will be able to hold themselves in check somewhat, and when something does happen to them, they will pray to God and depend on Him, and will be able to avoid making the same old mistakes. … There are three most important points to keep in mind: First, you still don’t know God; second, there have not been any changes in your disposition; and third, you have yet to live out the true image of man. These three things are in line with the facts, they are real, and you must be clear about them. You must be self-aware. If you have the will to fix this problem, then you should choose your own motto: For example, ‘I am the dung upon the ground,’ or ‘I am the devil,’ or ‘I often fall into my old ways,’ or ‘I’m always in danger.’ Any one of these is fit to serve as your personal motto, and it will help if you remind yourself of it at all times. Keep repeating it to yourself, reflect on it, and you may well be able to make fewer mistakes, or stop making mistakes. Nevertheless, what is most important is to spend more time reading God’s words, to understand the truth, to know your own nature, and to escape your corrupt disposition. Only then will you be safe. Another thing is to never take the position of ‘a witness of God,’ and never call yourself a witness of God. You can only speak of personal experience. You may speak about how God saved you, fellowship about how you were conquered by God, and talk about what grace He bestowed upon you. Never forget that you are the most deeply corrupted of people; you are manure and garbage. Being able to accept God’s work of the last days now is entirely thanks to Him uplifting you. It is only because you are the most corrupt and filthy that you have been saved by God incarnate, that He has granted you such tremendous grace. You therefore have nothing worth bragging about, and can only praise and thank God. Your salvation is purely due to God’s grace(The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Pursuing the Truth Can One Achieve a Change in Disposition). In my heart, I knew clearly that I couldn’t continue to pursue getting people to think highly of me; I had to let go of this incorrect intention. God is the source of the truth, and only God’s words can resolve people’s states. I had to fellowship and bear witness to God’s words more with my brothers and sisters and help them learn how to self-reflect and know themselves through God’s words and find the path to practice. I also thought of my failure during this period of time and realized that I couldn’t continue to show myself off like I did in the past, so in my heart, I prayed to God, “God! I know that my intentions are incorrect, and once again I want to show myself off and pursue getting people to think highly of me. God! I am willing to let go of my inner intentions and desires; I don’t want to walk the path of failure any longer. I only want to do my duty well; please guide me to practice the truth.” After praying, I calmed myself down and heard about the specifics of Zhang Ying’s problem, and thought about which aspect of the truth I should fellowship in order to achieve results. Only when I listened closely did I find out that her state and views were different than my own experience. Afterward, I found some of God’s words that were directed at Zhang Ying’s state and fellowshiped on them, and also pointed out Zhang Ying’s problems according to God’s words. After fellowshiping, Zhang Ying gained some knowledge regarding her state and was willing to practice according to God’s words and safeguard the church’s interests. Seeing that she was able to do some self-reflecting and gain some knowledge, I felt very happy. I had experienced firsthand the peace of mind that comes from practicing according to God’s words. At a gathering, I opened up and talked to my brothers and sisters about my past experience of failure, dissecting myself and fellowshiping on knowledge of my corrupt disposition, and I testified that the judgment and exposing of God’s words made me gain some knowledge about my arrogant nature. And I also recognize that no matter whether we are discussing our experience or resolving the difficulties and problems of brothers and sisters, we must dissect ourselves more, better understand our own corruption and lacking, bear more witness to God’s words and His work and guidance. Only then can we exalt and testify to God.

After being replaced that time, I learned that this was God saving me. My nature was so arrogant, and even though I knew I was revealing a corrupt disposition, I still involuntarily exalted and testified to myself. I was walking the path of antichrists and could not turn around. Being replaced stopped my evil deeds, made me deeply reflect on and try to know myself, and made me willing to repent and change. I thank God for giving me this valuable opportunity to experience His work, enabling me to bow my head, reflect on and try to know myself, and find the path to practice. I know how I ought to exalt and testify to God in the performance of my duty.

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