Is the Idea of Raising Children to Care for You in Old Age Correct?

June 2, 2025

By Zhang Yingnan, China

Since I was a child, I always heard people of my parents’ generation talk about raising children to care for them in old age. When I grew up, I was very filial to my parents. After I got married, I gave birth to a son and a daughter. When they were young, from time to time I would mention to them how the son of the Wang family had not been raised in vain. He took care of his parents in their old age and gave them a good send off. In contrast, the Zhang family has four sons, but when he is old and can’t move, none of them care for him. He really did raise a nest of ungrateful wretches! I also asked my son and daughter, “I’m raising you, so will you take care of me when I’m old?” My son replied, “I will!” I happily praised him, saying, “You really know what’s what! I haven’t raised you in vain.” Due to my indoctrination, my children knew to be filial to me from a young age. My health is poor. I developed heart disease and high blood pressure in my thirties. When it is severe, it can be difficult to breathe, and I get dizzy. Sometimes I am so weak that I can’t walk. After my children grew up, no matter what work I was doing, they would hurriedly take it over from me as soon as they saw it. They really cared for me. Seeing my children treat me so well, I felt very reassured. I felt that I had not raised them in vain, and that I had support for my old age. As I have aged, in recent years I have frequently suffered from bouts of heart disease and high blood pressure. I often suffer from chest tightness, shortness of breath, dizziness, and insomnia, and am dazed all day long. I also get too weak to walk. My husband is very tired from working all day and has no energy to take care of me, so my son and daughter-in-law took me to see the doctor and took care of me. During the pandemic, in 2021, I caught COVID-19 and was lying in bed, unable to move. My son and daughter-in-law brought me water and medicine and took good care of me. My daughter sometimes came back to help me clean, and make some steamed buns and stuffed buns to put in the freezer for me. Every time this happened, I felt particularly content, and felt that I had not raised my children in vain.

At the beginning of 2023, my son’s boss wanted to transfer him to another area to work, and give him a promotion and a raise. My son discussed with me whether to go or not. When I heard the news, I thought to myself, “My son doesn’t have his own house yet. It’s good for him to earn more money, so that he can live a more comfortable life.” But then I thought of myself getting older each year, my body wracked with illness, and how I still needed my son to take care of me when I couldn’t move. If he went to work in another area, could I still rely on him at critical moments? In the blink of an eye, it was summer, and my son’s boss worked on persuading him. His salary more than tripled, and his boss also promised to arrange a good job for his wife. My son and daughter-in-law agreed. I felt very upset when I heard the news, and thought, “When they leave, who will I rely on when I’m sick?” At that time, my daughter had gone to another area to do her duties. After they left, I felt extremely lonely and utterly bereft. I thought to myself, “My son used to take care of all the family matters. It won’t be easy to get my son to help when things happen in the future. With my children not around, the older I get, the less I can rely on them.” When I thought this, I felt quite dejected.

Soon after my children left, I was once again struck by COVID-19. It was much more serious than the first time. My husband doesn’t know how to take care of people; he only knows how to bury himself in his work. I lay alone in bed, feeling very desolate, thinking about how nice it would be if my children were around. I am getting older and older, and my health is getting worse day by day. I really needed my children to take care of me at that time, but they weren’t around, and I couldn’t rely on anyone. My heart filled with worry, almost without me realizing, and I had no interest in reading God’s words. I also prayed less. Afterward, I took injections for a few days and my condition gradually improved. However, I still felt so weak that I couldn’t even lift a mop. I felt a biting sadness in my heart, thinking, “I worked so hard to raise my children, but by the time I got old, they all left. If I become seriously ill in the future, will they be there to take care of me?” One day, my son video-called me and said with concern, “Mom, if you feel uncomfortable, take a rest. If you can’t do something, don’t do it.” I complained, saying, “If I don’t do it, who will help me do it? I can’t count on you!” When my son heard this, he lowered his head and looked very upset, not saying a word. Later, my son video-called me every day to ask about my condition. Sometimes, he would call two or three times a day, always telling me to go to the hospital if I got sick and not to just endure it. Though I voiced agreement, in my heart I thought, “You’re not here, so I can’t rely on you if something happens. What’s the use in a few comforting words?” Later, my illness improved, and it was not so exhausting for me to do some work. I didn’t take the things I had revealed seriously. At the end of 2023, I was infected with COVID-19 again. This time, it was even worse than before. I lay in bed, so uncomfortable that it’s hard to describe the feeling. During those days, I wasn’t in the mood to pray or read God’s words, and I couldn’t do my duty. I felt very desolate. I thought to myself, “Although I have a son and a daughter, my daughter spends most of her time away from home doing her duties. My son has gone to work in another area and I can’t rely on him either. I am lying sick in bed and there isn’t even anyone to ask how I’m doing. There was no point in raising my children!” When my younger brothers and sisters found out that I had contracted COVID-19, they called me and told me to get treatment right away. They said that some people around them had died of COVID-19 due to underlying diseases. My son also said that there was a person in his company who had underlying high blood pressure and died of COVID-19. I thought of the three times I had been stricken with COVID-19, each time more severe than the last. This time I was lying in bed, unable to even move or swallow my food. I thought to myself, “Can I get through this? If I get breathing difficulties, there’s no hope at all of my children taking me to the hospital. I’m afraid I might not even be able to see them one last time. Everyone talks about raising children to care for you in old age, but no matter how good your children are, if they aren’t there with you at the critical moments, it’s no use!” The more I thought about it, the more upset I felt, and I felt so wronged I started to cry. At this moment, I thought of my daughter’s letter a few days ago, which said that she had been dismissed for being perfunctory in doing her duty. I started to look forward to her coming back. I wanted to write a letter to my daughter to tell her about my condition, thinking that if my daughter knew about this, then maybe she would come back and take care of me. However, I realized that this would be a drag on my daughter’s progress, so I didn’t write it. Nevertheless, I still hoped that my daughter would come back to me. I prayed in my heart, telling God about my state and asking Him to lead me.

Afterward, I looked for words of God that were relevant to my state. God says: “Regarding the matter of expecting their children to be filial to them, in one respect, parents must know that everything is orchestrated by God and depends on God’s ordination. In another, people have to be reasonable, and by giving birth to their children parents are inherently experiencing something special in life. They have already gained a lot from their children and come to appreciate the sorrows and joys of parenting. This process is a rich experience in their lives, and of course it is also a memorable one. It compensates for the shortcomings and ignorance that exist in their humanity. As parents, they have already gained what they ought to gain out of raising their children. If they are not content with this and demand that their children serve them as attendants or slaves, and expect their children to repay them for raising them by showing their parents filial piety, taking care of them in their old age, sending them off in burial, placing them in a coffin, keeping their body from rotting in the house, weeping bitterly for them when they pass, going into mourning and grieving them for three years, etc., letting their children use these to pay back their debt, then it becomes unreasonable and inhumane. You see, in terms of how God teaches people to treat their parents, He only requires them to be filial to their parents, and does not at all require that children support their parents until death. God does not give people this responsibility and obligation—He never said anything like this. God only advises children to be filial to their parents. Showing filial piety to parents is a general statement with a broad scope. Speaking about it in specific terms today, it means fulfilling your responsibilities within your ability and conditions—that’s enough. It’s that simple, that is the only requirement for children. So, how should parents understand this? God does not demand that ‘Children must be filial to their parents, take care of them in their old age, and send them off.’ Therefore, those who are parents should let go of their selfishness and not expect everything about their children to revolve around them just because they gave birth to them. If children do not revolve around their parents and do not consider them the center of their lives, then it isn’t right for parents to constantly scold them, plague their conscience, and say things like ‘You are a heartless ingrate, unfilial, and disobedient, and even after raising you for so long I still can’t rely on you,’ always scolding their children like this and putting burdens on them. Demanding that one’s children be filial and accompany them, take care of them in old age and bury them, and constantly think about them wherever they go, is an inherently wrong course of action and inhumane thought and idea. This kind of thinking may exist to a greater or lesser degree in different countries or among different ethnic groups, but looking at traditional Chinese culture, Chinese people particularly emphasize filial piety. From ancient times to the present, this has always been discussed and emphasized as a part of people’s humanity and a standard for measuring whether someone is good or bad. Of course, in society, there is also a common practice and public opinion that if children are not filial, their parents will also feel ashamed, and the children will feel unable to bear this mark on their reputation. Under the influence of various factors, parents are also deeply poisoned by this traditional thinking, demanding without thinking or discernment that their children be filial(The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (19)). After reading the words of God, I understood that raising children is a responsibility and obligation given by God to mankind for reproduction and survival. It is not for caring for you in your old age. Since parents chose to have children, they should take care of their children’s food, clothing, shelter, and transportation, and bring them up. These are their responsibilities as parents. Even animals are able to fulfill the responsibility of raising their young, and attentively nurture and care for their offspring. When their offspring grow up, they leave their parents. Animals do not need their offspring to repay them. However, I had been conditioned by traditional culture, which misinterprets God’s original intention in having people raise children and holds that raising children is a way to prepare for old age. I had raised my children, and believed that since I had taken care of them when they were young, they should take care of me when I’m old; I took it for granted that this is something I would enjoy. When my son was offered work in another area, I was afraid that after he left, if I got sick I would not be able to rely on him, so I didn’t want to let him go. I wanted my son to stay with me and be there straight away whenever I needed him. I also complained to my son on the phone, adding to his burden and pain. My daughter believes in God and walks the right path in life. She does the duty of a created being and propagates God’s gospel. What she is doing is the most meaningful and valuable thing there is, but I was dogged with unhappiness because my daughter couldn’t take care of me, and I always felt like she owed me a debt, that I couldn’t have raised her for nothing. I hoped that she would have a chance to repay me for raising her. When I was once again stricken with COVID-19, I looked forward to my daughter’s return, and even wanted to write a letter to my daughter asking her to come back and take care of me. Animals raise their offspring without asking for anything in return, and give them freedom. However, I wanted to keep my children controlled by my side, to be at my disposal whenever I called. I truly lacked reason! I lived by the traditional notion of raising children to care for you in old age. Not only did this make my relationship with God more distant and cause me to live in pain, but it also brought constraints and pain to my children as well. God only asks that children be filial to their parents within their ability; it is enough that they fulfill their responsibilities as children, and God does not require that children take care of their parents until the end. In fact, my children have fulfilled their responsibilities within their abilities. Now they can’t take care of me because the conditions don’t allow it, but I still insisted that my children take care of me. Was I not creating trouble for no reason? I saw that Satan’s devilish words, “Raise children to care for you in old age,” had made me impervious to reason. Thanks to the leadership of God’s words, I finally realized that the idea of raising children to care for you in old age is a negative thing, and harmful to people. When I understood this, I prayed to God, willing to seek the truth to turn around my incorrect views.

Afterward, I read more of God’s words: “Children living in this society, in various groups, job positions, and social classes do not lead easy lives. They have things they have to face and deal with in various different environments. They have their own lives and a destiny established by God. They also have their own survival methods. Of course, in modern society, the pressures put on any independent person are very great. They face problems of survival, relationships between superiors and subordinates, and problems having to do with children, etc.—the pressure of all this is huge. To be fair, no one has it easy. Especially in today’s chaotic, fast-paced living environment, full of competition and bloody conflict everywhere, nobody’s life is easy—everybody’s is rather difficult. I won’t go into how this came about. Living in such an environment, if a person does not believe in God and does not perform their duty, they have no path left for them to take. Their only path is to pursue the world, to keep themselves alive, to constantly adapt to this world, and to fight for their future and survival at all costs in order to get through each day. In fact, every day is painful to them, and they are struggling through every day. Therefore, if parents go on to additionally demand that their children do this or that, it will undoubtedly add insult to injury, wrecking and tormenting their body and mind. Parents have their own social circles, lifestyles, and living environments, and children have their own living environments and spaces, as well as their own living backgrounds. If parents intervene too much or make excessive demands on their children, asking them to do this and that for them in order to repay the efforts they once put forth for the sake of their children; if you look at it from this perspective, it is quite inhumane, isn’t it? Regardless of how their children live or survive, or the difficulties they encounter in society, parents have no responsibility or obligation to do anything for them. That being said, parents should also refrain from adding any troubles or burdens to their children’s complicated lives or difficult living situations. This is what parents ought to do. Don’t demand too much from your children, and don’t blame them too much. You should treat them fairly and equally, and consider their situation with empathy. Of course, parents should also handle their own lives. Children will respect parents like this, and they will be worthy of respect(The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (19)). I was deeply touched after reading God’s words. God requires us as parents to consider our children’s difficulties in our words and deeds, and be considerate of their challenges. We cannot only think about our own interests; we also have to think more about our children, and interact with them on equal footing. I felt particularly ashamed when I compared this to everything I had done and thought. Reflecting on myself, I realized that I didn’t even have normal humanity! My children had done perfectly well to start off with, but I still demanded that they stay by my side, to be at my beck and call whenever I needed them. I had only thought about myself and hadn’t considered my children’s difficulties at all. I thought about how my son was so busy all day trying to survive that his nerves were fried, how exhausted he was physically and mentally, and how he was already under a lot of pressure; similarly, my daughter was very busy doing her duty every day. As a mother, I didn’t consider my children’s difficulties, and only thought about how to get them to satisfy me in every way, adding to their burdens and their pain. Also, when I found out that my daughter had been dismissed from her duty, I didn’t consider how to help her and guide her to learn lessons from this failure. Instead, I hoped that she would come back to take care of me, and even wanted to tell her about my illness to disturb her and hold her back. Thanks to God’s protection, I didn’t write the letter. If I had really done what I had thought about doing, wouldn’t that have been doing evil? I was too selfish and vile, too lacking in humanity! I had believed in God for many years, but did not pursue the truth; I made demands on my children in reliance on satanic viewpoints. Everything I did harmed others to benefit myself, and the only things I had brought my children’s spirits were pressure and bonds; I had also brought pain to myself. When I understood this, I felt extremely remorseful and self-reproachful. I hated myself for not pursuing the truth and for doing things that were loathed by God. I prayed to God, “Dear God, no matter what my health is like in the future, or whether my children can stay with me, I will no longer put pressure on my children or ask them to take care of me in my old age. I am willing to submit to Your arrangements.”

One day, my husband went out to work and I was alone at home. I got out of bed, and as soon as I turned around I felt like my heart had suddenly stopped and I couldn’t breathe. I thought to myself, “It’s over. There’s no one else around. What’s the point of raising children if I die and they don’t even know?” I felt quite dejected. Just then, my husband came back and quickly gave me some fast-acting heart pills and put them in my mouth. After ten seconds or so I could breathe again. As I lay in bed thinking back to that moment just then, I still wanted my children to be around me all the time, and felt that it would be such a tragedy if I died of illness and my children were not there with me. I realized I was still being influenced by the idea of raising children to care for me in my old age, and I had to seek a path to resolve this. Afterward, I read the words of God: “Parents should not demand that their children must be filial, must take care of them in their old age, and must bear the burden of their parents’ later life—there is no need for that. In one respect, it is an attitude that parents should have toward their children, and in another, it is the dignity that parents should possess. Of course, there is also a more important aspect: It is the principle that parents as created beings should abide by in treating their children. If your children are attentive, filial, and willing to take care of you, you don’t need to refuse them; if they are unwilling to do so, you don’t need to moan and groan all day long, feel uncomfortable or dissatisfied in your heart, or hold grudges against your children. You should take responsibility and bear the burden for your own life and survival so far as you are able, and you should not put it off on others, especially your children. You should proactively and correctly face a life without the company or help of your children, and even if you are distant from your children, you can still face whatever life brings you on your own. Of course, if you require essential help from your children, you can ask them for it, but it should not be based on the idea that your children must be filial to you or that you must rely on them. Instead, both parties should approach doing things for each other from the perspective of fulfilling their responsibilities, so as to handle the relationship between parent and child rationally(The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (19)). “If you pursue the truth, as parents, you should first and foremost let go of the traditional, rotten, and degenerate thoughts and viewpoints surrounding whether children are filial, care for you in old age, and send you off with a burial, and approach this matter correctly. If your children truly are filial to you, then accept it properly. But if your children don’t have the conditions, energy, or desire to be filial to you, and when you grow old, they can’t take care of you by your side or send you off, then you don’t need to demand it or feel sad. Everything is in God’s hands. Birth has its time, death has its place, and God has ordained where people are born and where they die. Even if your children make any promises to you, saying, ‘When you die, I will definitely be by your side; I will never let you down,’ God hasn’t orchestrated these circumstances. When you’re about to die, your children may happen not to be by your side, and no matter how hard they try to rush back, they may not make it in time—they won’t get to see you for the last time. It may be three to five days since you breathed your last breath, your body has all but decayed, and only then do they come back. Are their promises good for anything? They can’t even be the master of their own lives. I’ve already told you this, but you just don’t believe it. You insist on making them promise. Are their promises good for anything? You’re satisfying yourself with illusions, and you think that your children can stand by their promises. Do you really think that they can? They can’t. Every single day, where they’ll be and what they’ll do, as well as what their future holds—they don’t even know these things themselves. Their promises are actually serving to deceive you, giving you a false sense of security, and you believe them. You still can’t comprehend that a person’s fate is in God’s hands(The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (19)). After reading God’s words, I realized that when parents demand that their children be filial to them, take care of them in their old age and see them off, this is a mistaken viewpoint and an unreasonable demand. If your children have the conditions to take care of you, you can accept their care, but if their conditions do not permit it, you should not complain. You should be responsible for your own life, and not expect your children to do everything for you. This is the rationality that parents should have. Now, my children are not with me, so I should take responsibility for my own life according to my abilities. If there are some tasks that I can’t do, I won’t do them; if I need help from my children, I will wait for them to come back. If they don’t have time to help me, I won’t complain; instead I will rely on God to resolve the issue. In addition, I need to submit to God’s orchestration and arrangements. Whether my children can support me in my old age, whether they can be with me to take care of me when I’m sick, and whether they will be with me when I die are not things that I can control. Neither are they something my children can decide. All these things are in God’s hands, and preordained by God. Submitting to God’s sovereignty and arrangements is the reason I should have. Afterward, I made appropriate adjustments based on my own state of health. I didn’t do the work I was incapable of doing, took medicine and rested if I felt unwell, and was no longer consumed by the issue of whether my children would care for me in my old age.

One day in January 2024, I received a letter from my daughter, which said she had to go somewhere farther away from home to do her duties. When I saw that my daughter was able to contribute her bit toward spreading the gospel of the kingdom, I was happy for her. However, behind the happiness was some sadness. I thought, “My daughter is going farther and farther away from me, and I don’t know when she will be able to come back because she is so busy with her duties. My illnesses may hit at any time, and I never know when I might be struck down. I can no longer rely on my daughter.” At this time, I realized the traditional notions within me were coming out again. I remembered the words of God: “What is the point of raising children? It is not for your own purposes, but a responsibility and obligation that God has given you. One aspect is that raising children belongs to human instinct, while another is that it is a part of human responsibility. You choose to give birth to children due to instinct and responsibility, not for the sake of preparing for old age and being taken care of when you’re old. Isn’t this viewpoint correct? (Yes.)” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (19)). Raising children is a parental instinct, and also the parents’ responsibility and obligation; it should not be for preparing for old age and being taken care of when you are old. My daughter has chosen the most just cause and is on the right path in life. Besides, my daughter’s life and my life both came from God; we are both independent individuals before the Creator. It is everyone’s responsibility to do the duties of a created being and repay God’s love. As a believer in God, I should support and encourage my daughter to do her duty, and should not make any extravagant demands on my daughter. Therefore, I wrote my daughter a letter, encouraging her to do her duty diligently.

Afterward, when my son and daughter were not at home, and my husband went out to work, leaving me alone at home, I occasionally felt quite lonely. One day I read a passage of God’s words and felt very comforted. Almighty God says: “Then, when you feel alone, why don’t you think of God? Is God not a companion to man? (Yes, He is.) When you feel the most suffering and sadness, who can truly comfort you? Who can truly resolve your difficulties? (God can.) Only God can truly resolve people’s difficulties. If you are sick, and your children are by your side, pouring you drinks, and waiting on you, you will feel quite happy, but in time your children will get fed up and no one will be willing to wait on you. In times like those you will feel truly alone! So now, when you think that you have no partner, is that really true? It is actually not, since God is always keeping you company! God does not leave people; He is someone they can rely on and find shelter in at all times, and their only confidant. So, no matter what difficulties and suffering befall you, no matter what grievances, or matters of negativity and weakness you are confronted with, if you come before God and pray at once, His words will give you comfort, and resolve your difficulties and all your different problems. In an environment like this, your loneliness will become the basic condition for experiencing God’s words and gaining the truth. As you experience, you will slowly come to think: ‘I am still living a good life after leaving my parents, a fulfilling life after leaving my husband, and a peaceful and joyous life after leaving my children. I am no longer empty. I will no longer rely on people, I will rely on God instead. He will provide for me and help me at all times. Although I cannot touch Him or see Him, I know that He is by my side at all times, and in all places. As long as I pray to Him, as long as I call on Him, He will move me, and make me understand His intentions and see the proper path.’ At that time, He will truly become your God, and all of your problems will be resolved(The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). As I pondered God’s words, my heart brightened, and I understood that people live their entire lives under God’s care and protection. God is the only One that man can rely on. Looking back over these years, on the many occasions when I encountered danger and hardship, God always orchestrated people, events, and things to help me escape my troubles and find safety. I remember that one day, I was trimming vegetables in the house. I saw that it was spattering with rain outside, so I went out, and just at that moment, the roof of my house collapsed, leaving a large hole. A huge piece of earth weighing about 220 pounds fell down and landed right where I had been trimming vegetables, flattening all the basins with the vegetables in them. If it hadn’t been for God’s protection, I would have been crushed to death. Another time, I was so sick that I couldn’t get up, and my husband and children didn’t know. It was a neighbor who came to visit and discovered me and immediately called a doctor. The doctor said that if I hadn’t been treated in time, I would have had a cerebral hemorrhage. Over these years, I have suffered grievously from the torment of illness, and it is God’s care and protection that has allowed me to survive until now. God is my true support. My children cannot control their own destinies, so how can I rely on them? Even if my children stay with me, they cannot save me when I am in danger, nor can they relieve my pain. When my lifespan comes to an end, even if they are next to me there is nothing they can do. Everything to do with me is held in God’s hands. Only God is the source of my life and my lifelong support. Although my children are not around me, I am not alone: When I am in difficulty and pain, I can pray to God and tell Him what is in my heart. When I understood this, I had a path of practice.

Later, I still had frequent attacks of illness, and I prayed to God in my heart, entrusting my pain and problems to Him. Sometimes when illness struck and I couldn’t move, I would just lie in bed and rest for a while, slowly recovering. I always have first aid medicine with me, and I take some when I feel unwell. As for the housework, when I’m not ill, I take my time doing the work that I am able to do. I don’t force myself to do the work I am unable to do; my husband does it when he gets back. When my children stop by, they do some as well. Now I don’t care whether my children are around me or not, and I don’t think about relying on them, or complain about whether my children will care for me in my old age. I feel particularly liberated and free in my heart. It was God’s words that led me to escape the damage of the traditional cultural idea of raising children to care for you in old age, and helped me to find the correct principle of practice in treating my children, releasing me from pain. Thank God!

Would you like to learn God’s words and rely on God to receive His blessing and solve the difficulties on your way? Click the button to contact us.

Related Content

Connect with us on Messenger
Decrease Font Size
Increase Font Size
Enter Full Screen
Exit Full Screen