By Yifei, China

Since ancient times in China, there has been the saying, “A woman dolls herself up for her admirer.” Many women, to display their allure and to please the men who admire them, strive to decorate and dress themselves. I was no exception. When I was seventeen, I was admitted to a vocational school in the provincial capital. I left my rural hometown and came to the big city to study. Everything was so new and wonderful. During my studies, I met my current husband, and we’d often chat and meet up with one another. To leave a good impression on him, I would always put a lot of care into my appearance when we met. He also often took me to meet his family and friends. They all really liked me and often praised me for my beauty and charm. Every time they complimented me, it made my boyfriend really happy. He said I made him proud when he took me out, so he was always willing to take me with him wherever he went. Back then, we were inseparable. Later, we got married. In the beginning, he was very considerate of me. I remember when I was pregnant, I had very severe morning sickness, and I couldn’t eat or drink anything. He would always think of me when he was out working, and he would come home to take care of me whenever he had time. I felt really comforted. But after our child was born, my life turned on its head. My figure changed, and I was no longer as slim or beautiful as before. Every day, I was taking care of our child and the family, and I was busy to the point of burning myself out, and I had neither the time nor the energy to dress up. I went from being a girl to becoming a weary old housewife, and my husband’s attitude toward me was no longer the same. He no longer took me out, and instead spent almost every day hanging out with the guys, and he was rarely home with me. Whenever I wanted him to go out with me and our child to relax, he couldn’t be bothered, but if his friends called, he would leave immediately without a second thought. He liked to keep dogs, and one time, I didn’t close the door properly, and while I wasn’t paying attention, the dog ran out and didn’t come back. He got angry with me over it and didn’t come home for two days. There were many such incidents. I felt he didn’t care about me at all, and I was deeply repressed and in pain. At first, I couldn’t understand why my husband’s attitude toward me had changed so much. One day, my cousin came to my house, and she even went as far as mocking me, saying, “Have you looked in a mirror lately? You look so shabby—what man would want you? Do you know why your husband doesn’t like coming home? I wouldn’t either if I had to come home to a face like yours.” Her words really hurt me. It turned out that my husband was treating me like this because I wasn’t as beautiful as before, and he’d gotten tired of me. To him, I was just an accessory, too worthless to be cherished, but not worthless enough to get rid of. I was in so much pain, but I didn’t know how to salvage this situation. Later, I decided to begin by trying to change my figure. I started focusing on beauty treatments and weight loss. To lose weight, I often took weight loss pills and bought shapewear. I even went for acupuncture and cupping. I tried all kinds of methods to lose weight. Because I overdid it with my weight loss, I often felt dizzy and nauseous, and when it got really bad, I couldn’t even move while lying in bed. I was in so much pain and didn’t want to ruin myself like this, but when I thought about winning back my husband’s heart, I’d grit my teeth through the pain. Finally, my efforts paid off. Because of my persistence and hard work to lose weight, I ended up getting a lot thinner. My husband started looking at me differently, and he treated me much better than before. Sometimes, he would even take me to gatherings with his friends. It seemed like my long-lost happiness had finally returned, and I was overjoyed. In my heart, I became even more certain that the saying “A woman dolls herself up for her admirer” made sense.

But the good times didn’t last long. My changes seemed to be just a passing novelty in my husband’s eyes, and over time, he went back to his old ways, rarely spending time with me at home as before. Even when he didn’t have social engagements to attend to, he would either just sleep or watch TV at home, almost never showing concern for me or having a casual chat with me. I was deeply distressed and disappointed. I’d given up my job and cut off all my social circles back then, and I had pinned all my hopes on him. For his sake, I not only took on all the household chores, but I also cared for both the young and elderly in our family, alongside focusing on losing weight and beauty treatments, trying to win his heart. But in return, I received nothing but indifference and apathy from him. I often felt lonely, helpless, in pain, and hopeless. So many times, I walked alone on the road or by the canal, and I truly wanted to end it all. But when I thought about my young child and elderly parents, I just couldn’t bring myself to give up. Time and again, I looked up at the sky, and in my heart, I kept shouting, “Oh Heavens above! Why is my life so painful? What should I do?”

Later, God’s salvation in the last days came to me, and by eating and drinking God’s words with brothers and sisters at gatherings, I came to understand that God has been watching over humanity day and night, but that humanity has been corrupted by Satan, and that we know not where it comes from nor where it is to go, much less how to live. We can only struggle helplessly in pain. All of this is because we don’t listen to God’s words and have strayed from His care, and this has been caused by Satan misleading and harming us. I also realized that as a created being, one should pursue the truth and fulfill their duties, and that only then does life have meaning. When I saw brothers and sisters preaching the gospel, doing their duties, and living fulfilling and joyful lives each day, I felt so envious. My days revolved around chores in the kitchen and my husband. I was living a life of mediocrity, and as a result, I gained nothing, and was left trampled, covered in wounds and overwhelmed with unbearable pain. What value or meaning did such a life have? I searched my heart, asking myself, “Is this really the life I want? No. No, it’s not. I can’t live like this.” So I began to do my duties in the church.

Back then, I didn’t ponder whether the idea of “A woman dolls herself up for her admirer” was correct, or think about whether my pursuit was problematic. It wasn’t until later, when I read that God exposed the fallacious aspects of the saying “A woman dolls herself up for her admirer,” that I started to reflect on all the things that happened to me, and I began to realize how absurd and ridiculous my past pursuits were. Almighty God says: “The saying ‘A woman dolls herself up for her admirer’ itself places women in an unequal position to men. It requires women to doll themselves up to please men, to live for the sake of men’s happiness, and to feel honored whenever someone likes and admires them. This is unequal; this itself is a true reflection of the low status of women. The implication of the saying ‘A woman dolls herself up for her admirer’ is that whether a woman is liked by others because of her good looks, or attracts men’s fondness because she knows how to adorn herself to be pleasing to the eye, she should feel happy and honored because of it. This itself is a degradation of women. This saying tells women that the value of their existence, the source of their happiness, is for there to be someone who likes them, and that if there isn’t, they should feel unfortunate and upset, and must reflect on why no one likes them, and on whether, as women, they are living a worthless and failed life. So, isn’t the saying ‘A woman dolls herself up for her admirer’ a degradation of women? (Yes.) In the phrase ‘A woman dolls herself up for her admirer,’ doesn’t the admirer usually refer to a man? This saying itself places men in the position of masters, above women. It means that a woman should feel honored that a man—a master—likes and appreciates her. If a man—a master—doesn’t like her, then there is something wrong with her, she is not lovable, she is a failure in life, and she is not qualified to be a woman. You see, this imperceptibly elevates men’s status, allowing them to step on women’s necks and tower over them. This is where the error in the saying ‘A woman dolls herself up for her admirer’ lies” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (14)). After reading God’s words, I understood that the phrase “A woman dolls herself up for her admirer” is inherently wrong. By placing men above women, it undoubtedly devalues women. It causes women to subconsciously view men as their heads, to think that women’s lives should revolve around men, and to be happy when they attain the favor and admiration of men. This idea makes women think that without a man’s favor and admiration, their life has no value, as if, inherently, women live only for the sake of men’s pleasure. This view is so very absurd and unfair to women. Ever since I was a teenager, I had been deeply influenced by this saying. I’d believed that if a woman could win a man’s affection, her life would be happy and carefree. So I had long dreamed of finding a husband who would love and care for me, and thought that to hold hands with him as we grew old together was the only way to live a truly happy life. Later, I met my current husband, and back then, I was young, beautiful, and had a good figure, and he really liked me. Whenever he had time, he took me out to have fun, and he also took me to meet his family and friends. Everyone praised my looks, and this made him dote on me even more. I was immersed in this wonderful love and felt incredibly happy. To keep the love fresh, I put a lot of care into my appearance every time we met so he’d see my most glamorous side. After marriage, I had a child, and I went from being a girl to a weary old housewife. My husband’s attitude toward me worsened, and his admiration slowly turned into disdain. To win my husband’s favor and to maintain our happy marriage, I underwent beauty treatments, lost weight, and tried every trick in the book to try and change myself. Even if it meant harming my body, I didn’t care. When I saw my husband’s attitude toward me improve, I felt really satisfied, and I increasingly saw “A woman dolls herself up for her admirer” as the key to maintaining our marriage. I also took on all the housework, kept the house spotless, and dressed up beautifully. I devoted all my heart and mind to my husband, but all I got in return was his indifference. I felt that there was no hope at all in life, and I didn’t even want to live anymore. By eating and drinking God’s words, I came to understand that all this suffering I had endured had been brought upon me by Satan. I’d been following the satanic heresy and fallacy of “A woman dolls herself up for her admirer,” and spent all my time trying to figure out how to please him and keep a hold on his heart, making my happiness dependent on my husband. But in return, all I had gotten was pain and bitterness. I’d been so foolish and stupid!

I read another passage of God’s words, which made me see even more clearly this fallacy of “A woman dolls herself up for her admirer.” Almighty God says: “Do men like women merely for their appearance and adornments? Or do they like women just because they see that they are gentle, virtuous, dignified, and graceful? Do men like women merely to please their eyes? (No, it’s to satisfy the sexual desires of the flesh.) Then what is the purpose of women trying to please men and make them happy? (It’s also to indulge in the sexual desires of the flesh.) That is, both men and women have needs when it comes to each other, and the most basic of these needs is that of the sexual desires of the flesh. A man’s need for a woman is not just about liking her appearance, but, based on that, obtaining her in a physical manner—to put it more bluntly, obtaining her body to satisfy his own sexual desires. Therefore, the purpose behind the saying ‘A woman dolls herself up for her admirer’ is actually to satisfy men’s sexual desires. It requires women to not only make their appearance and adornments pleasing to men, but to also satisfy men’s sexual desires. Isn’t that such a lowly way to live? If women still think this saying is correct, that it’s something they should achieve and adhere to, then women are degrading themselves. Men have sexual needs when it comes to women and want to play with their bodies; if women, instead of finding this despicable and hateful, still doll themselves up for their admirers, feeling it’s the greatest honor of their lives, the utmost honor, then aren’t they degrading themselves? (Yes.) This is completely depriving women of their rights. Not only does it deprive women of their right to exist, their dignity, and their human rights, but it also makes them think it’s the greatest honor. Isn’t this cruel? It’s utterly cruel! Besides having no autonomy and no human rights whatsoever, a woman’s happiness, joy, and delight can only be achieved on the basis of pleasing men and fully satisfying them. No matter what kind of inhuman treatment women suffer, they are required to still take pride in it. Isn’t this abusing and ravaging women? Whether modern or ancient women, they all take the saying ‘A woman dolls herself up for her admirer’ as their motto, as their life goal. Isn’t this completely wrong? Isn’t this a trick Satan uses to abuse and mislead people? (Yes.) … The purpose of people saying ‘A woman dolls herself up for her admirer’ is definitely not as simple as a man appreciating a woman. It absolutely places men in a position where they tower over women. More precisely, this saying arose under the ethos that men are superior and women are inferior. In addition, the reality is that women are a vulnerable group under any social system, viewed as appendages and playthings of men. Therefore, the saying ‘A woman dolls herself up for her admirer’ is absolutely an insult to all women. If women particularly approve of this saying, it is a sorrow for women, and one should feel contempt for all women who approve of it” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (14)). From God’s words, I clearly saw that whether men like women or women seek to please men, their purpose is to indulge the desires of the flesh. Corrupt humankind has no correct views on life, and doesn’t know how to live properly or fulfill its responsibilities to maintain a normal marital life. When men and women come together, it is mostly about releasing their fleshly desires. Women, to satisfy men’s desires, have to go to great lengths to adorn themselves to try and please men. Yet men play with women while expecting women to beautify themselves for their pleasure. The logic of this is absolutely ridiculous. This is purely a trick of Satan to trample and ruin women! If it hadn’t been for God exposing all this, I would have thought this saying was correct. How truly foolish and lowly I was! Thinking back to when I had been young, beautiful, and had a good figure, going out with my husband had made him look good, and amply satisfied his vanity, so he’d treated me well. After giving birth, I wasn’t as slim and beautiful as before, and so his true colors had shown through. His former adoration and fondness had gradually turned into disdain and coldness. To win back my husband’s heart, I had tried coming up with ways to please him, trying every trick in the book to beautify myself and lose weight. But this had only satisfied him as a temporary novelty, and had done nothing at all to improve our marital life. We had been living under the same roof but it was as if we were strangers. That feeling had often made me feel anxious and caused me pain, even leading me to thoughts of ending my life. It was only after reading God’s words that I reflected, and realized that my husband’s former fondness for me hadn’t been genuine. He had only liked the way I looked. To put it bluntly, he had just liked me for my youth and beauty, and when my looks faded and my figure changed, all his disdain and coldness were exposed. He had never truly cared for me, and he didn’t understand how to fulfill his duties as a husband. How could such a marriage be happy? I had tied my views on life and values to the pleasing of men, mistakenly thinking that winning a man’s affection would allow me to keep his heart, and that only in this way would my life be happy and joyful and that this was how women should live. As a result, I tormented myself to the point of unbearable misery. All of this was due to my mistaken perspectives behind my pursuit. If a woman lives by the idea of “A woman dolls herself up for her admirer,” in the end, she’ll just become a victim of Satan. It’s truly pitiful and tragic!

I read more of God’s words: “Do you now see clearly whether the saying, ‘A woman dolls herself up for her admirer,’ is correct or not? (It’s incorrect.) This saying is not a positive thing, nor is it a correct thought or viewpoint. Look in the Bible and in the words expressed by God—is there any sentence telling women they should doll themselves up for those who admire them? Is there any sentence that divides the status of men and women into levels, saying that men are above women? No, there isn’t. What is recorded in the Book of Genesis in the Bible is that woman is bone of man’s bones and flesh of his flesh. Men and women are both human beings created by God; they are equal before God, with no division of levels, no distinction between superior and inferior. Dividing people into superior and inferior and distinguishing levels of status is something Satan does; it is real proof of Satan’s oppression and persecution of women. Ever since God created humankind in the beginning, men and women have been equal in God’s eyes. Both are equally created beings and objects of God’s salvation. God has never said that men are superior and women are inferior, nor has He said that men should be the head of women or their masters, that men should tower above women, that men should take precedence over women in any work, or that men have their own opinions and are the mainstays while women should listen more to men. God has never said such things. It is only because of Satan’s corruption that sayings about men being superior and women being inferior arose among people, and then this trend formed throughout society and all of humankind, constantly suppressing women under male authority. Due to a lack of understanding of the truth, after women are influenced and misled by all kinds of evil trends of Satan, they feel they are secondary to men or lower in status than men. That is why, right up to the present day, many women still believe that the saying ‘A woman dolls herself up for her admirer’ is correct. This is a very sad thing. If people do not understand the truth, they are still misled and controlled by various thoughts and viewpoints of Satan in many specific matters. Even this small matter is very illustrative, is it not? (Yes.) … As members of created humankind, women differ from men only in gender and physiology; in other aspects, there are no differences at all. In God’s eyes, men and women have no differences in status whatsoever. God has never, under any circumstances, made requirements of women that differ from those He makes of men. In aspects such as the number of people God chooses, the hope of salvation, their opportunities to perform duties, the duties they can perform, and the work they can do, women are basically equal to men; women are not lesser than men. This is the actual situation” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (14)). From God’s words, I understood that whether man or woman, all people are created beings and equal before God. There is no such thing as male superiority or female inferiority. God created man and woman, and arranged marriage and family for them, hoping that people would live in harmony and fulfill their responsibilities with each other. But Satan instills in people heresies and fallacies like “A woman dolls herself up for her admirer” and “Men are superior to women,” aiming to suppress and persecute women. In the past, I always lived by the fallacious idea of “A woman dolls herself up for her admirer” and I treated my husband as my support and as my everything. I racked my brain thinking of ways to please him, even changing myself constantly for him. But things didn’t turn out as I imagined, and no matter how I tried to please him, I never got his true affection, and we became like strangers to one another. I complained that he didn’t care about me or love me, and he complained that I didn’t understand him. There was no love or consideration between us, we came to resent one another, and our relationship became irreparable, gradually heading toward collapse. At this point, by eating and drinking God’s words, I understood that in family life, as a wife, I just need to fulfill my own responsibilities, and I shouldn’t be preoccupied with trying to hold onto my husband’s heart, nor should I try everything I can to please him. To do so is to ruin myself. Husband and wife are equal to one another, and each has their own responsibilities and obligations. That is to say, within the framework of marriage ordained by God, they should fulfill their responsibilities toward each other and support one another through every stage of life.

From God’s words, I also understood one of the most important truths: As a created being, one should fulfill the commission and mission that God has given. This is the true meaning and value of life, and it is also the most correct pursuit. Just as God says: “What is the value of a person’s life? Is it merely for the sake of indulging in fleshly pleasures such as eating, drinking, and being entertained? (No, it is not.) Then what is it? Please share your thoughts. (To fulfill the duty of a created being, this at least is what a person should achieve in their life.) That is correct. … In one respect, it is about fulfilling the duty of a created being. In another, it is about doing everything within your ability and capacity to the best that you can, at least reaching a point where your conscience does not accuse you, where you can be at peace with your own conscience and be proven acceptable in the eyes of others. Taking it a step further, throughout your life, regardless of the family you were born into, your educational background, or your caliber, you must have some understanding of the principles that people ought to comprehend in life. For example, what kind of path people should walk, how they should live, and how to live a meaningful life—you should at least explore a bit of the true value of life. This life cannot be lived in vain, and one cannot come to this earth in vain. In another respect, during your lifetime, you must fulfill your mission; this is the most important. We won’t talk about completing a great mission, duty, or responsibility, but at the very least, you should accomplish something. For instance, in the church, some people put all their efforts into the work of spreading the gospel, dedicating the energy of their entire lives, paying a great price, and gaining many people. Because of this, they feel that their lives have not been lived in vain, and that they hold value and comfort. When facing illness or death, when summing up their entire lives and thinking back on everything they ever did, on the path they walked, they find solace in their hearts. They experience no accusations or regrets. Some people spare no effort while leading in the church or being responsible for a certain aspect of work. They unleash their maximum potential, giving all of their strength, expending all their energy and paying the price for the work they do. Through their watering, leadership, help, and support, they help many people in the midst of their own weaknesses and negativity to become strong and stand firm, not to withdraw themselves, but instead to return to the presence of God and even finally bear witness to Him. Furthermore, during the period of their leadership, they accomplish many significant tasks, clearing out more than a few evil people, protecting many of God’s chosen people, and recovering a number of significant losses. All of these achievements take place during their leadership. Looking back at the path they walked, recalling the work they did and the price they paid over the years, they feel no regrets or accusations. They feel no remorse about doing these things and believe that they have lived a life of value, and they have steadiness and comfort in their hearts. How wonderful is that! Isn’t this the fruit that they’ve gained? (Yes.) This sense of steadiness and comfort, this lack of regrets, they are the result and the harvest of pursuing positive things and the truth. Let’s not hold people to high standards. Let’s consider a situation where a person is faced with a task they should do or are willing to do in their lifetime. After finding their place, they stand firmly in their position, hold their position, expend all their heart’s blood and all their energy, and accomplish and finish what they should work on and complete. When they finally stand before God to give an account, they feel relatively satisfied, without accusations or regrets in their heart. They feel comforted and that they have gained something, that they have lived a valuable life” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (6)). I thought of how many women live for their husbands, spending their whole lives trying to please men, and trying to please their husbands. Though they might be able to maintain their marriage and family well, they don’t know what one should live for, or how one should live a life that is actually of value. Without knowing this, what meaning do their lives have? In the end, are they not living in vain? I thought back on how I once pursued marital happiness. I did all kinds of meaningless things just to try and please my husband, and I endured so much unnecessary suffering, but in the end, what did I gain, apart from a broken body? On reflection, that experience has truly been etched into my memory. It was the lowest point of my life, and the time when I was most hopeless and in pain. It was God’s words that made me understand that corrupt humanity is filled with Satan’s dispositions, filled with lust, and completely ignorant of what love really is, let alone how to maintain their own marriage. People just use and deceive each other. There is no true love. Only God’s love for humanity is selfless, without transaction, and without demands. It is the truest and most real love. If a woman lives only to try and please her husband without pursuing the truth or doing the duty of a created being, then such a life is truly lowly!

Now, I have left home to do my duty, and in the process of doing my duty, I focus on examining what corrupt dispositions and fallacious thoughts and views I have, and I consciously seek the truth to resolve them. I feel that only by living this way does life have meaning. Thank God for leading me out of my erroneous thoughts and views!