By Viola, Italy

I was supervising the video work in the church. I was a bundle of nerves every day because of the heavy workload. I was busy resolving all sorts of problems and following up on others’ work. I couldn’t let myself relax. After a little time passed, Sister Jennifer would often critique our videos, and say these problems were all due to our lack of effort in our duty. I felt a lot of resistance when I saw these messages from her. We were already doing our best to minimize mistakes, and achieving that much at work was already not too bad. Wasn’t she just dragging out the process by nitpicking at small things? I never took her suggestions to heart, thinking she was making a fuss out of nothing and delaying our work. One day, I made an appointment with Jennifer to talk. I integrated some principles to fellowship on how her nitpicking was affecting our work progress. I was surprised when right after fellowshiping, she said in a harsh tone, “That’s one aspect of the principle of the matter. But let me remind you—don’t think that principles are an excuse for perfunctory and irresponsible behavior in your duty. These are two different things. Don’t confuse them.” When I heard what she said, although I didn’t say anything, I had had it inside. I thought, “Don’t you mean I’m perfunctory and irresponsible in my duty? You’re obviously nitpicking and slowing things down, yet you criticize me! What’s the big deal about some small problems? They won’t affect the quality of the videos at all, and what we’ve achieved is already pretty good. You don’t know how big our workload is, but you just pick at small issues and then prune me like this. You’re so arrogant!” After that I refused to interact with Jennifer. As long as it was an issue she pointed out, I expressed opposition, and my emotions got involved when handling issues.

Almost every half month after this, Jennifer would prepare a summary of feedback for us about work issues. Once, she even shared this feedback with the leader. When I heard this, I was furious, thinking, “We made some mistakes, but with such a heavy workload every month, wasn’t it normal for there to be little things that weren’t done right? Was it really necessary to tell the leader? You obsess over little things, your standards are too high. Are you treating us brothers and sisters like machines? Can’t we ever make a mistake?” The more I thought the more riled up I became. When the leader came to talk to me, I pointed the finger directly at Jennifer, saying she was extremely arrogant. She wasn’t self-aware, but just pointed at our problems. The leader saw I had no self-awareness, and fellowshiped that I needed to treat Jennifer properly. She told me to self-reflect and learn a lesson. But the leader’s words fell on deaf ears. I stalled resolving the issues Jennifer mentioned in her feedback, and didn’t put any effort into thinking about how to avoid similar issues in the future. I was vaguely aware that I wasn’t in a right state, so I sought God through prayer, asking Him to lead me to learn my lesson and gain self-awareness in this matter.

During my devotionals one day, I read some of God’s words which helped me gain some awareness of my state. God’s words say: “When people love to argue over right and wrong, they try to clarify whether every single thing is right or wrong, they don’t stop until the matter has been cleared up and it is understood who was right and who was wrong, they are fixated by things for which there is no answer. Just what is the point of acting like this? Is it ultimately right to argue over right and wrong? (No.) Where is the mistake? Is there any connection between this and practicing the truth? (There is no connection.) Why do you say there is no connection? Arguing over right and wrong is not adhering to the truth principles, it is not discussing or fellowshipping the truth principles; instead, people always talk about who was right and who was wrong, who was correct and who was mistaken, who was being reasonable and who wasn’t, who had good reason, and who didn’t, who expressed higher doctrine; this is what they examine. When God puts people through trials, they always try to reason with God, they always come out with some reason or another. Does God discuss such things with you? Does God ask what the context is? Does God ask about what your reasons and causes are? He does not. God asks whether you have an attitude of submission or resistance when He tries you. God asks whether or not you understand the truth, whether or not you are submissive. This is all God asks, nothing else. God does not ask you what the reason for your lack of submission is, He does not look at whether you have a good reason—He absolutely does not consider such things. God only looks at whether or not you are submissive. Regardless of your living environment and what the context is, God only scrutinizes whether there is submission in your heart, whether you have an attitude of submission. God does not debate right and wrong with you; God does not care what your reasons are. God only cares whether you are truly submissive—this is all that God asks you. Is this not a truth principle? The kind of people who love to argue over right and wrong, who love having verbal spats—are there the truth principles in their hearts? (No.) Why not? Have they ever paid any attention to the truth principles? Have they ever pursued them? Have they ever sought them? They have never paid them any attention, or pursued them or sought them, and they are totally absent from their hearts. As a result, they can only live within human notions, all that is in their hearts is right and wrong, correct and incorrect, pretexts, reasons, sophistry, and arguments, soon after which they attack, pass judgment on, and condemn each other. The disposition of people like this is that they like debating right and wrong and judging and condemning people. People like this have no love or acceptance of the truth, they are liable to try and reason with God, even to pass judgment on God and resist God. Ultimately, they will end up being punished” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (15)). From the exposure of God’s words, I saw that people who always talk about right and wrong in a situation will first investigate it thoroughly: who’s right, who’s wrong, who has reason on their side. If they can talk circles around others, they start arguing their own case, they fix their gaze on others, become noncompliant, oppositional, and even attack others without searching for the truth or reflecting on their own issues. They don’t submit to the situations God lays out for them. I thought about how I was acting this way. When Jennifer pointed out some problems in our work, I knew these problems existed, but I found reasons and excuses to justify myself, thinking that our standard of work was already okay considering our workload, and that small problems were unavoidable. I even tried to refute her with principles to stop her from pointing out problems, thinking that her expectations were too high, and that the problems were insignificant and it wouldn’t matter even if they weren’t resolved. When Jennifer criticized me for being perfunctory and irresponsible, not only did I not accept it from God, but I developed a bias against her and thought she was nitpicking. When she spoke sternly and her words hurt my pride, I labeled her disposition as arrogant, and even judged her in front of the leader, scheming to get the leader to take my side and view her in a bad light. When the leader helped me, I refused to listen. I wasn’t accepting situations from God or reflecting on my own problems. Rather, I made justifications, excuses, and debated who was right and wrong. All I showed was hot-headedness, without the slightest attitude of submission. How could I call myself a believer? I was acting like a disbeliever.

Afterward, I read another passage of God’s words which helped me further understand God’s intention. God’s words say: “Anything that people do touches on seeking the truth and putting the truth into practice; anything that touches on the truth relates to the quality of people’s humanity, and the attitude with which they do things. Much of the time, when people do things in an unprincipled way it is because they don’t understand the principles behind them. But a lot of the time, people do not only not understand the principles, they also do not wish to understand them. Even though they may know a little about them, they still don’t wish to do better. This standard is not in their hearts, and neither is this requirement. So, it is very hard for them to do things well, it is very hard for them to do things in a way that is in line with the truth and that satisfies God. The key to whether people are able to perform their duties acceptably depends on what they strive for, whether or not they pursue the truth, and whether or not they love positive things. If people do not love positive things, it is not easy for them to accept the truth, which is very troublesome—even though they perform a duty, they are only laboring. Regardless of whether or not you understand the truth, and whether or not you are able to grasp the principles, if you perform your duty based on your conscience, you will, at the very least, achieve average results. Only this is acceptable. If you are then able to seek the truth and do things according to the truth principles, then you will be able to completely fulfill God’s requirements and be in accordance with God’s intentions. What are God’s requirements? (That people give all their hearts and strength to performing their duties well.) How should ‘giving all their hearts and strength’ be understood? If people devote their whole minds to performing their duties, then they are giving all their hearts. If they use every ounce of strength they have to perform their duties, then they are giving all their strength. Is it easy to give all your heart and strength? This is not easy to achieve without conscience and reason. If a person does not have a heart, if they are lacking in intellect and incapable of contemplation, and if, when faced with an issue, they do not know how to seek the truth, and have no ways or means to do it, are they capable of giving all their heart? Definitely not” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Man Is the Greatest Beneficiary of God’s Management Plan). After pondering God’s words, I understood His intention. God does not demand that people achieve perfection in their duties, but He looks at whether they’ve tried their best, and if their attitude is one of trying to improve at their duty. God examines people’s hearts. I reflected on my attitude toward my duty compared to God’s words. I always felt I had a heavy workload, with many things to consider and attend to, and that it was normal for small problems to arise in work. Sometimes even if I knew those problems could be avoided, I didn’t want to put in the effort to improve things, which led to problems being prolonged and not resolved. But actually, God doesn’t demand that I never make a mistake in my duty. He just despises my perfunctory and irresponsible attitude. Jennifer was drawing my attention to a problem by pointing it out, helping me fix it in a timely manner and do my duty well. Once I realized this, my state improved somewhat. After that, I fellowshiped and summarized with the others, and thought of how to change. The next time someone pointed out a problem, I wasn’t as resistant and perfunctory about it, but I resolved it with everyone.

Later, I reflected on myself. Why was I so opposed to Jennifer’s suggestions? Then I read another passage of God’s words, and gained some self-awareness. God says: “Antichrists’ archetypal attitude toward pruning is to vehemently refuse to accept or admit it. No matter how much evil they do or how much harm they do to the work of God’s house and the life entry of God’s chosen people, they do not feel the slightest remorse or that they owe anything. From this point of view, do the antichrists have humanity? Absolutely not. They cause all sorts of damage to God’s chosen people and bring harm to the work of the church—God’s chosen people can see this as clear as day, and they can see antichrists’ succession of evil deeds. And yet the antichrists do not accept or acknowledge this fact; they stubbornly refuse to admit that they are in error or that they are responsible. Is this not an indication that they are averse to the truth? Such is the extent to which antichrists are averse to the truth. No matter how much wickedness they commit, they stubbornly refuse to admit it, and they remain unyielding to the end. This sufficiently proves that antichrists never take the work of God’s house seriously or accept the truth. They haven’t come to believe in God; they are minions of Satan, come to disturb and disrupt the work of God’s house. In antichrists’ hearts there are only reputation and status. They believe that if they were to acknowledge their error, then they would have to accept responsibility, and then their status and reputation would be severely compromised. As a result, they resist with the attitude of ‘deny until you die.’ No matter how people expose or dissect them, they do their utmost to deny it. Whether their denial is deliberate or not, in short, in one regard these behaviors expose the antichrists’ nature essence of being averse to and hating the truth. In another regard, it shows how much the antichrists treasure their own status, reputation, and interests. What, meanwhile, is their attitude toward the work and interests of the church? It is one of contempt and irresponsibility. They lack all conscience and reason. Doesn’t the antichrists’ shirking of responsibility demonstrate these issues? In one regard, shirking responsibility proves their nature essence of being averse to and hating the truth, while in another regard, it shows their lack of conscience, reason, and humanity. No matter how much the brothers’ and sisters’ life entry is harmed by their disturbance and evildoing, they feel no reproach and could never be upset by this. What sort of creature is this? Even admission to part of their mistake would count as them having a bit of conscience and reason, but the antichrists do not even have that slight amount of humanity. So what would you say they are? The antichrists are devils in essence” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). God’s words expose that antichrists do not accept the truth. They’re averse to the truth and hate truth by nature. When pruned and exposed, they throw themselves into making up excuses, and feel no remorse even if they cause serious damage to work. They can’t even admit their mistakes and are particularly intransigent. I reflected after comparing myself to God’s words. I was obviously perfunctory in my duty, and there were many oversights and problems, but I felt no guilt or remorse. When faced with being pruned and reminded, I wouldn’t accept it. I always found reasons to justify myself and shrug it off. I wasn’t willing to admit my own mistakes. I thought admitting mistakes would make me look bad, and harm my reputation, status, and image, causing others to look down on me. I was totally unreasonable. I was revealing a disposition of being averse to the truth. Others gave me suggestions to help me see ways I was lacking in my duty, so I could rectify problems in a timely manner and do my duty better. But I never accepted this from God, nor did I reflect upon myself. So, the issue of being perfunctory in my duty was never resolved, and I never fulfilled my role as a supervisor, causing the others to be perfunctory in their duty and make mistakes too. At this point, I finally saw that not resolving this satanic disposition of being averse to the truth made it hard for me to accept the truth and accept others’ suggestions. If I continued to not repent or resolve this corrupt disposition, the problems and errors in my duty would grow, and eventually I’d do evil, oppose God and be despised and eliminated by Him. Realizing this was really upsetting for me, and I prayed to God in repentance, willing to practice the truth in my duty from now on, and not live in corruption.

Later, I read another passage of God’s words which gave me a path to resolve the disposition of being averse to the truth. God’s words say: “If someone gives you a suggestion when you do not understand the truth, and tells you how to act in accordance with the truth, you should first accept it and allow everyone to fellowship on it, and see if this path is correct or not, and whether it is in accordance with the truth principles or not. If you confirm that it is in accordance with the truth, then practice in that way; if you determine that it does not accord with the truth, then do not practice in that way. It is as simple as that. When you seek the truth, you should seek from many people. If anyone has something to say, you should listen to them, and treat all of their words seriously. Do not ignore or snub them, because this relates to matters within the scope of your duty and you must treat this seriously. This is the right attitude and the right state. When you are in the right state, and you do not reveal a disposition that is averse to the truth and hates the truth, then practicing in this way will supplant your corrupt disposition. This is practicing the truth. If you practice the truth in this way, what fruits will it bear? (We will be guided by the Holy Spirit.) Receiving the guidance of the Holy Spirit is one aspect. Sometimes the matter will be very simple and can be achieved using your own mind; after others finish giving you their suggestions and you understand, you will be able to rectify things and act in accordance with the principles. People may think that this is a small matter, but to God it is a great matter. Why do I say this? Because, when you practice in this way, to God you are a person who can practice the truth, a person who loves the truth, and a person who is not averse to the truth—when God sees into your heart, He also sees your disposition, and this is a great matter. In other words, when you do your duty and act in the presence of God, what you live out and pour forth are all truth realities that people should possess. The attitudes, thoughts, and states that you possess in everything you do are the most important things for God, and they are what God scrutinizes” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Often Living Before God Can One Have a Normal Relationship With Him). God’s words pointed out a path of practice. When the brothers and sisters give suggestions or prune me, first I should have an attitude of acceptance and obedience. When I don’t know how to carry it out, I shouldn’t dislike or oppose it, but I should accept it first, then seek fellowship from someone who understands truth, then put it into practice once I have a proper handle on the principles. This is carrying out my duty according to God’s intention. I thought of how when others notice and point out problems or shortcomings in my work, when they give me suggestions and prune me, it’s entirely them being responsible for the work of the church, not singling me out or making things difficult for me. I should accept it from God and be obedient and reflecting on my problems, and changing and fixing them in a timely manner. That’s the only way for my work to improve bit by bit, and to avoid having my corrupt disposition disrupt the church’s work.

One day, Jennifer sent a message pointing out some issues with our videos. When I saw it, I felt opposed for a moment. I’d already discussed and addressed these issues with the others. Why was she bringing them up again? I wanted to say something in my defense, but when I stopped to think about it, if she pointed it out, there must still be oversights or shortcomings with the work. So, I took the initiative to ask Jennifer about it. After gaining an in-depth understanding, I finally realized I only discussed these issues with the brothers and sisters, but hadn’t followed up on their work in a timely manner afterward. I also realized that I wasn’t being proactive and responsible toward my work, but I was just passively waiting for others to point out problems before resolving them. So, I took the initiative to ask the others what problems still existed in our videos, and fellowshiped and resolved them in a timely manner. After a period of time, it was clear there were less and less problems, and I felt at peace and relieved in my duty. I also felt in my heart that only by being able to take others’ suggestions, seek the truth and solve my problems can I do my duty well. Thanks be to God!