How to Look at Your Duty
By Zhongcheng, ChinaAlmighty God says, “The most fundamental requirement of man’s belief in God is that he have an honest heart, and that...
I have been doing my duty as an actor for years. In May 2022, the leaders asked me to train as a director, and to also work part-time on video checks. At that time, although I was under some pressure, I was willing to strive upward and do my best. I was busy every day, and it all felt very fulfilling.
In August 2022, we began filming a new movie, and the directors asked me and Sister Judith to audition for the lead role, but I wasn’t particularly willing. I felt that two duties were already keeping me busy enough, and that if I passed the audition and became the lead, I would surely be overwhelmed with three duties. Later, Judith was selected as the lead, and I was chosen as the third role. Not only was I not disappointed about not being the lead, but I actually felt secretly pleased. Because this third character had fewer lines and wasn’t a very important part, it would be relatively easier, so I was happy to accept this role. Later, the directors saw that Judith appeared somewhat morose, and that this didn’t quite fit the protagonist’s positive and strong personality, and so they suggested that I audition for the lead role again. When I heard this news, my first thoughts were: “These three duties are already keeping me busy enough; if they make me the lead, won’t I be even busier? Also, there are some crying scenes for the lead, so it’d be a pretty difficult performance. To perform it well, it’d require a lot of energy.” After thinking it through, I felt I couldn’t play the role. So, I told the directors, “The protagonist is quite composed, but I’m kind of young, not very composed, and not suitable for this role. Judith has already put in a lot of effort for this role, and her age and temperament are also a better fit. It’s just her expressions that aren’t quite on point, and a little more help should improve that. So I don’t feel there’s any need for me to audition again.” Later, after some discussion, everyone came to feel that Judith did indeed match the protagonist’s temperament better, and that she could use some more help. Although this matter passed in this way, I hid my despicable intention of not wanting to play the lead because I feared physical suffering, and afterward, I felt somewhat guilty. I was somewhat aware of my state, but I didn’t seek the truth and just let the matter pass.
After that, every day was fully scheduled, and I felt somewhat unwilling. Sometimes, the directors would meet at night to discuss movie issues, and I would feel reluctant and unwilling, thinking to myself, “Just hurry up and finish the discussion. Once you’re done, you can rest, but I still have to check the videos. When will there be fewer videos to check?” Sometimes, in order to finish these tasks faster, when checking videos, I’d watch them in fast-forward so I could finish earlier and go to bed sooner. The duty of a director requires thinking about things such as shots and presentation, and I felt these things required too much brainpower, so I didn’t want to put in the effort. When the lead actress had difficulties in her performance, the other directors would dutifully and diligently help her perform the role well, but I’d just want to slack off and not consider the role. I’d just tell the sister a bit of experience I had acquired, which didn’t really amount to me fulfilling the role of a director. As for the third role I was playing, I used being busy as an excuse and didn’t put effort into putting thought into the role, resulting in a very poor performance.
One day, a sister fellowshipped with me, saying that in my duties, I was unwilling to pay a price, indulging in physical comfort, and that I was using petty tricks and trying to slack off. I knew that she was pointing out my exact issues, but I didn’t realize the seriousness of the problem. I thought to myself, “In any case, I can’t keep up with so many duties, and since I’m not contributing as a director, sooner or later, I will be dismissed, and if I’m dismissed, then so be it. One less duty would mean less bodily suffering, and that I could have more leisure time. It’d be good to do a single-task duty as well.” Because I didn’t turn things around mentally, I became even more passive in my duties. During the filming, there were many problems, so the progress was particularly slow, but I was just focused on reducing my duties and so I remained indifferent to these issues. Later, because I didn’t have a sense of burden in my duties, the leaders stopped letting me direct, and instead had me focus entirely on the role I was playing. Although I had fewer duties, I still couldn’t muster up any motivation, and there were still many issues with my performance. In the end, because of filming issues, and the performance of us main actors not being up to standard, the filming failed. At the same time, due to some special reasons, I could no longer continue as an actor, nor could I review videos. Losing my duties one after another still didn’t awaken my numb heart, and I still didn’t reflect on myself properly. Instead, I felt that there were objective reasons for me losing my duties. Later, the church assigned me to be responsible for the gospel work, and I felt I should cherish this duty, but after a while, I fell back into my old habits. Faced with the difficulties encountered by the brothers and sisters in preaching the gospel, the issues with cooperation among the gospel workers, the problems of the potential gospel recipients, and so on, I felt like there was always endless work, and I began to slack off again. Every time I went to implement work, I would just pass it along. Every day, I’d think about finishing the tasks given by the leaders quickly so I could rest sooner, and when I was tired, I would wonder, “Is there a lighter duty I could do? This work is always so busy. When can I have a break? When will this exhaustion end?” I didn’t expect that these “wishes” would soon come true.
On June 9, 2023, due to some particular matters in my locale, I became unable to contact the church or the brothers and sisters, and I was forced to stop doing my duties. This situation came about very suddenly, and I couldn’t come back to my senses for a long time. Suddenly, I went from being busy to having nothing to do, and I found myself at my wits’ end, not knowing what to do. No matter how I thought about it, I just couldn’t understand it: Now the gospel work is so busy, and everyone who is doing their duties has so many tasks to do. Why have my duties suddenly stopped? Suddenly, I remembered God’s words: “If you are slippery and slack off, if you do not attend properly to your duty, and always go down the wrong path, then God will not act upon you; you will lose this opportunity, and God will say, ‘You are no good; I cannot use you. Go stand off to the side. You like being wily and slacking off, don’t you? You like being lazy, and taking it easy, do you not? Well then, take it easy forevermore!’ God will give this grace and opportunity to someone else. What do you say: Is this a loss or a gain? (A loss.) It is an enormous loss!” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). The judgment of God’s words instantly woke me up. Didn’t I always want to take a break? Didn’t I always dislike hardship, fear exhaustion, and slack off, caring only about my flesh? Well, now I was completely at rest, unable to do any duty at all! I felt a blankness in my mind, and God’s words kept repeating in my mind: “Well then, take it easy forevermore!” I had an inexpressible feeling in my heart. I just felt empty. I looked back on how I did my duties before, and I was filled with regret, and I spent my days wallowing in guilt and self-accusation: Why hadn’t I cherished my duties properly? Why did I just go through the motions?
Later, I read God’s words: “Simply going through the motions when performing your duty is a major taboo. If you are always going through the motions while performing your duty, then you have no way of performing your duty to an acceptable standard. If you want to perform your duty with loyalty, you must first fix your problem of going through the motions. You should take steps to rectify the situation as soon as you notice it. If you are muddleheaded, are never able to notice problems, always just go through the motions, and do things in a perfunctory fashion, then you will have no way of doing your duty well. Therefore, you must always put your heart into your duty. This opportunity was very difficult for people to come by! When God gives them a chance, yet they do not grasp it, then that opportunity is lost—and even if, later on, they wish to find such an opportunity, it might not come up again. God’s work waits for no one, and neither do chances to perform one’s duty. Some people say, ‘I didn’t perform my duty well before, but now I still want to perform it. I should just get back on the horse.’ It is wonderful to have resolve like this, but you must be clear about how to perform your duty well, and you must strive toward the truth. Only those who understand the truth can perform their duty well. Those who do not understand the truth are unqualified even to labor. The more clear you are on the truth, the more effective you will become in your duty. If you can see this matter for what it is, then you will strive toward the truth, and you have a hope of performing your duty well. There are not many opportunities currently to perform a duty, so you must take hold of them when you can. It is precisely when faced with a duty that you must exert yourself; that is when you must offer yourself up, expend yourself for God, and when you are required to pay the price. Do not hold anything back, harbor any schemes, leave any leeway, or give yourself a way out. If you leave any leeway, are calculating, or are slippery and slack off, then you are bound to do a poor job. Suppose you say, ‘No one saw me being slippery and slacking off. How cool!’ What kind of thinking is this? Do you think you have pulled the wool over people’s eyes, and over God’s, too? In actual fact, though, does God know what you have done or not? He knows. In fact, anyone who interacts with you for a while will learn of your corruption and vileness, and though they may not say so outright, they will have their assessments of you in their hearts. There have been many people who were revealed and eliminated because so many others came to understand them. Once everyone saw through to their essence, they exposed those people for who they were and kicked them out. So, whether they pursue the truth or not, people should do their duty well to the best of their ability; they should employ their conscience in doing practical things. You may have defects, but if you can be effective in performing your duty, you will not be eliminated. If you are always thinking that you are fine, that you are sure not to be eliminated, if you still do not reflect or try to know yourself, and you ignore your proper tasks, if you are always perfunctory, then when God’s chosen people really do lose their tolerance with you, they will expose you for who you are, and in all likelihood, you will be eliminated. That’s because everyone has seen through you and you have lost your dignity and integrity. If no one trusts you, could God trust you? God scrutinizes man’s innermost heart: He absolutely could not trust such a person. … people always need to examine themselves when performing their duties, ‘Have I adequately fulfilled this duty? Did I put my heart into it? Or did I just muddle through it?’ If you are always perfunctory, you’re in danger. At the very least, it means you have no credibility, and that people cannot trust you. More seriously, if you always just go through the motions when doing your duty, and if you always deceive God, then you are in great danger! What are the consequences of being knowingly deceitful? Everyone can see that you are knowingly transgressing, that you are living according to nothing but your own corrupt disposition, that you are nothing but perfunctory, that you do not practice the truth at all—which means you are devoid of humanity! If this is manifested in you throughout, if you avoid major mistakes but are unceasing in the minor ones, and unrepentant from start to finish, then you are an evil person, a disbeliever, and should be cleared out. Such consequences are heinous—you are completely revealed and eliminated as a disbeliever and evil person” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Life Entry Begins With the Performance of Duty). I’d read this passage of God’s words many times before, but I’d never felt so deeply pricked in the heart by it as I did then. By doing my duties perfunctorily, resorting to tricks, I could pull the wool over people’s eyes, but I couldn’t deceive God, and if I went on without repenting, I would be eliminated. I looked back on the moments of me doing my duties: When my duties increased, requiring more time and energy, I began to complain, feeling like I had no time to relax and I couldn’t rest on time, and I felt reluctant and unwilling, always hoping for a break. When checking videos, I watched perfunctorily so I could rest sooner. Though it didn’t cause any loss, I was slacking off and being perfunctory in my duties, and God saw all of this. I was truly dishonest and untrustworthy! The church gave me the opportunity to train as a director, but I didn’t cherish it, I didn’t put effort into considering the script or shots, and just complained that it was mentally exhausting. When assisting actors with their roles, I slacked off, relying on my little past acting experience to guide them, but this was of no real use. I was really just ornamental, occupying a position but doing nothing substantial. In my duty as an actor, I knew that the lead role demanded energy, so I declined the opportunity to audition. To say nothing of whether I would be chosen, when I was needed for the work of God’s house, I didn’t actively step up in cooperation. Instead, I first considered whether my flesh would be at ease, and as soon as I saw that this wouldn’t be beneficial for my flesh, I didn’t want to audition, and I used deceit to make excuses and shirk responsibilities. I saw that I was so selfish! Even when I later played the third role, I treated this carelessly. I didn’t prepare adequately, and the results of the shoots were far from good. In fact, at that time, although I did three types of duties, if I’d managed my time properly and done my duties in a grounded way, I wouldn’t have failed to do any of them well. No matter how busy my duties were, they would only require me to do half an hour or an hour more than other people. But I wasn’t willing to pay even that little price, and I always disliked hardship and feared exhaustion, and even when I lost my duties one after another, I still didn’t repent. In the end, when I was responsible for the gospel work, I kept falling back into the same bad habits. For the sake of my flesh’s comfort, I always slacked off, and I was perfunctory whenever possible. I had long since frittered away my integrity and dignity. I was untrustworthy and unworthy of my duties. Having reached this point, God had long since spurned me.
Reflecting on how I did my duties, I felt deeply reproached in my heart, and I cried and came before God in prayer, “God, I see that I have not done my duties in a way that is up to standard. This has all been due to my perfunctory ways, and my indulging in physical comfort. Today, the sudden halt of my duties is Your chastisement and discipline upon me. God, I want to repent. Please enlighten and guide me to reflect and understand myself.” Later, I consciously sought this aspect of truth, and I read God’s words: “Lazy people can’t do anything. To summarize it in two words, they are useless people; they have a second-class disability. No matter how good the caliber of lazy people is, it is nothing more than window dressing; even though they have good caliber, it is of no use. They are too lazy—they know what they are supposed to do, but they don’t do it, and even if they know something is a problem, they do not seek the truth to resolve it, and though they know what hardships they should suffer in order for the work to be effective, they are unwilling to endure these worthwhile hardships—so they cannot gain any truths, and they cannot do any real work. They do not wish to endure the hardships people are supposed to; they only know to indulge in comfort, enjoy times of joy and leisure, and enjoy a free and relaxed life. Are they not useless? People who cannot endure hardship don’t deserve to live. Those who always wish to live the life of a parasite are people without conscience or reason; they are beasts, and such people are unfit even to perform labor. Because they cannot endure hardship, even when they do perform labor, they are not able to do it well, and if they wish to gain the truth, there is even less hope of that. Someone who cannot suffer and does not love the truth is a useless person; they are unqualified even to perform labor. They are a beast, without a shred of humanity. Such people must be eliminated; only this accords with God’s intentions” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (8)). “From the beginning, God said, ‘What I want is excellence in people, rather than greatness in their numbers.’ This is God’s required standard for His chosen people, as well as a requirement and principle regarding the number of people in the church. ‘What I want is excellence in people’—here, does ‘excellence’ refer to the good soldiers of the kingdom or to overcomers? Neither is accurate. ‘Excellence,’ to put it accurately, refers to those who possess normal humanity, those who are truly human. In God’s house, if you can do duties that humans ought to, if you can be used as a human being, and you can fulfill a human’s responsibilities, duties, and obligations without others pulling you, dragging you, or pushing you, and you are not useless trash, not a freeloader, not a loafer—you can shoulder the responsibilities and obligations of a human and shoulder the mission of a human—only this is being up to standard as a human! Can those loafers, those who do not attend to proper tasks, shoulder the mission of a human? (No.) Some people are unwilling to shoulder responsibility; others cannot shoulder it, they are useless trash. Those who cannot shoulder the responsibilities of a human cannot be called human. … Those who are unable to shoulder their own duty in God’s house are not normal humans, and God does not want them. Whether you are a leader or worker, or doing specific work involving professional skills, you must be able to shoulder the work you’re responsible for. Beyond being able to manage your own life and survival, your existence is not merely about breathing or eating, drinking, and having fun, but about being able to shoulder the mission God has given you. Only such people are worthy of being called created beings and worthy of being called human. Those in God’s house who always want to freeload and always try to bluff their way through, hoping to scrape by to the end and gain blessings, cannot shoulder any work or any responsibility, let alone any mission. Such people must be eliminated, and it is no pity. This is because what is being eliminated is not human—they are not qualified to be called human. You may call them useless people, loafers, or idlers; in any case, they are not worthy of being called human. When you assign them work, they cannot complete it independently; and when you assign them a task, they cannot shoulder their responsibility or fulfill the obligation they ought to—such people are done for. They are unworthy of living; they deserve death. God sparing their lives is already His grace, it is an exceptional favor” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (5)). God exposes that the biggest characteristic of lazy, idle people is that they don’t attend to their proper work. In short, they “muddle along.” They spend their days only thinking about eating, drinking, having fun, and enjoying physical comfort, and not about proper matters. Whenever possible, these people go through the motions in their duties, rest, and avoid responsibilities. They fail to do any duty well, and they are neither willing nor capable of shouldering any work. They just want leisure and ease, and yet in the end, they still expect blessings. Such people are unworthy of being called human, they are useless, and God detests such people. When I reflected on my behavior, I saw I was just like these people. I’d not do work I could do, and I’d shirk responsibilities that I should have taken on. I’d only ever craved physical comfort, and I was afraid of hardship and exhaustion. My greatest wish every day would be to finish my work quickly and rest early. I wished to live like a pig, avoiding all pressure, just eating, drinking, and sleeping well. The church entrusted me with the important duty of reviewing videos, but in order to get to bed earlier, I’d fast-forward through videos when reviewing them. If, due to my irresponsibility, I allowed a video that wasn’t up to standard to be uploaded, it would not only fail to testify for God, but it would also dishonor God, and this was a consequence I couldn’t bear. Moreover, the director is the leader of the film work, and being able to train in doing such an important duty is God’s elevation, but I was irresponsible and slacked off. As both the director and an actor in the film, I bore an undeniable responsibility for the film being delayed for such a long time and for being filmed poorly. In this, I was seriously transgressing in my duty! The church had cultivated me as an actor for many years, yet when I saw the film work stall due to issues with the actors, I remained indifferent, not feeling anxious or worried, and I even refused to audition for the lead role for the sake of my physical comfort. I showed no consideration for God’s intentions and failed to protect the interests of His house. I was utterly devoid of humanity! Running through my various actions, and the harm I’d brought upon the work of God’s house, I was just as God described when He said: “They are unworthy of living; they deserve death. God sparing their lives is already His grace, it is an exceptional favor.” God’s house had given me opportunities to do my duties time and again, allowing me to gain the truth and make more progress through these duties. But I was always perfunctory and muddled through. I was truly beyond hopeless. I lacked conscience and reason, and I hadn’t fulfilled any of the duties entrusted to me. I was simply a good-for-nothing. My life had no value, and I wouldn’t be missed if I were to die! Now, God giving me the opportunity to reflect is already God’s grace for me.
Later on, I read more of God’s words: “Until people have experienced God’s work and understood the truth, it is Satan’s nature that takes charge and dominates them from within. What, specifically, does that nature entail? For example, why are you selfish? Why do you protect your own position? Why do you have such strong feelings? Why do you enjoy those unrighteous things? Why do you like those evils? What is the basis for your fondness for such things? Where do these things come from? Why are you so happy to accept them? By now, you have all come to understand that the main reason behind all these things is that Satan’s poison is within man. So what is Satan’s poison? How can it be expressed? For example, if you ask, ‘How should people live? What should people live for?’ people will answer, ‘Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost.’ This single phrase expresses the very root of the problem. Satan’s philosophy and logic have become people’s lives. No matter what people pursue, they do so for themselves—and so they live only for themselves. ‘Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost’—this is the life philosophy of man, and it also represents human nature. These words have already become the nature of corrupt mankind and they are the true portrait of corrupt mankind’s satanic nature. This satanic nature has already become the basis for corrupt mankind’s existence. For several thousand years, corrupt mankind has lived by this venom of Satan, right up to the present day” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. How to Walk the Path of Peter). From God’s words, I came to understand that every time my duties came upon me, I always disliked hardship and feared exhaustion, and I was unable to truly expend myself for God—this was not only because of my severe laziness, but also because the poisons of Satan had taken control inside me, such as “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost,” “Life is all about eating well and dressing nice,” “Drink today’s wine today, and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow,” “Live in the present and learn to be kind to yourself,” and “Physical enjoyment is happiness.” I lived by these ideas and views, becoming ever more selfish and despicable. I was unwilling to suffer or pay a price for anything, and I placed physical comfort above all else. Just like when I was a kid and saw some classmates enter middle school—they would wake up before dawn to go to school, and after school, they’d have all kinds of homework to do—I felt that living like that would be too tiring, and also, that even if they suffered a lot, they still might not even get into college. I just wanted to enjoy the present and live comfortably, and I felt that this would be enough. And so I dropped out of school after finishing elementary school. After getting married, I was also unwilling to worry about all matters at home, both big and small, and my husband took care of them. My family said I was fortunate, living a carefree life, and I thought that this was how one ought to live, and that living a life without worries or strain, passing one’s days free and easy, was the happiest life one could live. I saw that these satanic poisons had already become my nature and the criteria by which I acted and conducted myself. Living by these things made me ever more indulgent in the flesh, living in a very lowly way. After coming to God’s house to do my duties, I still put my physical interests first, only willing to pay a little price in my duties as long as my physical comfort wasn’t impacted, but once my physical interests were affected, I would rack my brains to think of a way out, and I would treat my duties perfunctorily. Just as a hymn goes: “People will give their lives for the flesh, but don’t want to sacrifice anything for the truth” (Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs, A Lament for a Bleak and Tragic World). Even when I felt reproached after going through the motions, and clearly knew how to achieve good results, I remained unwilling to endure the suffering or pay the price. I always felt like that effort would be short-changing me, which resulted in me constantly craving comfort in my duties. During my time as a director and actor, I caused such great losses to the work of God’s house, but I felt nothing about it, didn’t feel any distress, and even thought there were objective reasons for this. Thinking about this, I felt a bit scared. These satanic poisons had truly made me selfish and vile. Although on the outside, my flesh was enjoying comfort, I had completely lost my dignity and integrity as a person, and now, I didn’t even have the opportunity to do my duties. These regrets from my previous duties have now become a stain upon my faith in God. I thought about how God, in order to save mankind, didn’t hesitate to become flesh and come down to earth, personally experiencing human suffering, and about how He has expressed all kinds of truth to provision and guide people, and to judge and purify people. The painstaking effort God has put in for humanity is truly great, but I was unwilling to even do the duty that a created being should do. In what way did I have any conscience or reason? I was truly unworthy to be a follower of God!
During my isolation, I was unable to contact the church. I could only watch videos made by brothers and sisters on YouTube. When I saw the number of movies, life experiential testimonies, hymns, and dance videos from God’s house increasing, and being updated every day, I felt that these brothers and sisters had the work of the Holy Spirit, and God’s blessings and guidance, and I felt so envious. I missed the days when I did my duties with my brothers and sisters. I thought about how I used to be one of them, but because I hadn’t cherished my duties, and I’d done them perfunctorily again and again, I’d lost the opportunity to do my duties. I felt very upset. My regrets and transgressions felt like thorns piercing my heart, and they tormented me so much. It was at this time that I truly realized that true happiness is not about how much physical comfort we enjoy, but about how many good deeds we prepare, and how many things we do to satisfy God. Looking back on it, I hadn’t done a single thing to satisfy God, and whenever I thought about it, I was filled with feelings of regret and indebtedness. At that time, I listened to a hymn of God’s words, entitled “Only Through Fulfilling Your Duty Can You Live Out the Value of Human Life,” and my heart became brighter.
1 What is the value of a person’s life? During your lifetime, you must fulfill your mission; this is the most important. We’re not talking about completing a great mission, duty, or responsibility; but at the very least, you should accomplish something. When you look back at the path you walked, recalling the work you did and the price you paid over the years, you’ll feel no regrets or accusations. You’ll believe that you did nothing to merit remorse, and you’ll live with a sense of value, and steadiness and comfort in you heart. This is the result and the reward of pursuing positive things and the truth.
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3 So, in order to live a valuable life and ultimately achieve this kind of reward, it’s worth it for a person’s physical body to suffer a bit and pay a bit of a price, even if they experience exhaustion and physical illness. When a person comes into this world, it isn’t just for the enjoyment of the flesh, nor is it solely for eating, drinking, and having fun. One shouldn’t live for those things; that is not the value of human life, nor is it the right path. The value of human life and the right path to follow involve accomplishing something valuable and completing one or multiple jobs of value. This is not called a career; it is called the right path, it is also called the proper task. It is worth it for a person to pay the price in order to complete some work of value, live a meaningful and valuable life, and pursue and attain the truth.
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—The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (6)
This hymn opened my eyes to the value and meaning of life. It was then that I knew that physical comfort is only temporary, and that a truly meaningful life can only be found when we do our duties well and find comfort in our hearts. I realized that if my corrupt disposition remained unresolved, my laziness and coveting for physical comfort would always keep me from fulfilling my duties. So, I prayed to God, seeking a path of practice.
Later, I read God’s words: “You want to be perfunctory when you perform your duty. You try to slack off, and try to avoid God’s scrutiny. At such times, hurry before God to pray, and reflect on whether this was the right way to act. Then think about it: ‘Why do I believe in God? Such perfunctoriness might get past people, but will it get past God? What’s more, my belief in God is not to slack off—it is in order to be saved. My acting thus is not the expression of normal humanity, nor is it beloved by God. No, I could slack off and do as I pleased in the outside world, but now I am in the house of God, I am under the sovereignty of God, under the scrutiny of God’s eyes. I am a person, I must act according to my conscience, I cannot do as I please. I must act according to God’s words, I must not be perfunctory, I cannot slack off. So how should I act to not slack off, to not be perfunctory? I must put in some effort. Just now I felt it was too much trouble to do it like this, I wanted to avoid hardship, but now I understand: It may be a lot of trouble to do it like that, but it is effective, and so that is how it should be done.’ When you are working and still feel afraid of hardship, at such times you must pray to God: ‘Oh God! I am a lazy and sly person, I beg You to discipline me, to reproach me, so that my conscience feels something, and I have a sense of shame. I don’t want to be perfunctory. I beg You to guide and enlighten me, to show me my rebelliousness and my ugliness.’ When you pray thus, reflect and try to know yourself, this will give rise to a feeling of regret, and you will be able to hate your ugliness, and your wrong state will begin to change, and you will be capable of contemplating this and saying to yourself, ‘Why am I perfunctory? Why am I always trying to slack off? Acting like this is devoid of any conscience or reason—am I still someone who believes in God? Why don’t I take things seriously? Don’t I just need to put in a little more time and effort? It’s no great burden. This is what I ought to be doing; if I can’t even do this, am I fit to be called a human being?’ As a result, you will make a resolution and swear an oath: ‘Oh God! I have let You down, I truly am too deeply corrupted, I am without conscience or reason, I have no humanity, I wish to repent. I beg You to forgive me, I will surely change. If I do not repent, I would that You punish me.’ Afterward, your mentality will turn around, and you will begin to change. You will act and perform your duties with conscientiousness, with less perfunctoriness, and you will be able to suffer and pay a price. You will feel that doing your duty in this way is wonderful, and you will have peace and joy in your heart. When people can accept God’s scrutiny, when they can pray to Him and rely on Him, their states will soon be changed. When the negative state of your heart has been reversed, and you have rebelled against your own intentions and the selfish desires of the flesh, when you are able to let go of the comfort and enjoyment of the flesh, and act according to God’s requirements, and you are no longer arbitrary or reckless, you will have peace in your heart and your conscience will not reproach you. Is it easy to rebel against the flesh and act according to God’s requirements in this way? As long as people have a tremendous aspiration for God, they can rebel against the flesh and practice the truth. And so long as you are able to practice in this way, then before you know it, you will be entering into the truth reality. It will not be difficult at all” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Treasuring God’s Words Is the Foundation of Belief in God). After reading God’s words, I found a path of practice: To do my duty in my faith, I need to have a tremendous desire for God and put my duty first. When I want to be perfunctory in my duty, I should quickly pray to God, asking Him to give me the resolve to endure suffering, and I should also accept His scrutiny. By persevering in this practice, my issue of being perfunctory will gradually start to improve. I realized that God’s intention in me losing my duties was to make me reflect on my issues, and this was a turning point in my path of faith. I had to pursue the truth, rebel against my flesh, fulfill my duty, and live out a human likeness. I knelt down and prayed to God, “God, now I see clearly the root of my failure. I don’t want to live by a satanic disposition anymore. I want to strive upward, and if I have the chance to do my duty again, I will put my duty first, and do my best to seek to satisfy You.” In August 2024, I finally managed to contact the church, and I became able to do my duties again. I was so thrilled that I couldn’t express what I was feeling. For a moment, I felt an indescribable mixture of happiness, gratitude, and guilt. I knew that this was God giving me an opportunity to repent, and I secretly resolved in my heart that I would never again indulge in physical comfort in my duties as I had before, and that I had to remember to put my duty first and accept God’s scrutiny.
Later, the church arranged for me to continue as an actor, and I trained in acting in experiential videos, and I also took on other duties part-time. This time, I no longer felt that my part-time duties were unnecessary, and I did them whenever I had time. I saw that the brothers and sisters I’d been familiar with before made great progress in their duties over the past year. I realized that I was lacking a lot, and I also wanted to strive upward, but I felt like I didn’t measure up, because the pace of filming experiential testimony videos had become very fast, and there wasn’t much practice time. I remember that the preparation time for the first experiential testimony video in which I acted was very short, and I thought, “I’m just starting to train, so can’t they be more understanding? Let me have more time to prepare. Do we really have to rush so much?” I told the director my thoughts, and the director said, “It’s okay, we’ll rely on God and just need to do our best.” At that moment, I realized I was again trying to satisfy my flesh by wanting to do my duties in an easy and comfortable way. Thinking of my past failures, I warned myself, telling myself that I could no longer consider my flesh. If the time was short, then so be it, and I would do it to the best of my ability. After this, I quickly went to prepare. The first experiential video was successfully filmed as scheduled. After that, when acting in longer experiential testimony videos, I sometimes still felt a lot of pressure, and when time was tight, I had thoughts of disliking hardship and fearing exhaustion, but after those thoughts surfaced, I was able to become aware of them in good time, and I’d quickly pray to God, asking Him to protect my heart and keep me from thinking about my flesh again. I’d then practice over and over again and do my best to act. Although my performances in the videos I act in now aren’t as natural and relaxed as others’, when I put in my full effort, my heart no longer feels any self-accusation, and instead, I feel at ease and at peace.
Through experiencing this kind of situation, from having several duties but not appreciating them, to losing them, and then to having them restored, I truly felt God’s painstaking intention, and I have realized that God’s arrangements are all to allow me to cast off my corrupt disposition and become a person with conscience and humanity. Thank God for giving me such an opportunity to understand myself and gain the truth. I am willing to cherish my remaining time, do my duties properly, and not let God down.
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