Amidst Torture and Torment I Saw …
One day in September 2017, I went to Sister Fang Ming’s house for a gathering. As soon as I knocked on the door, the door opened, and a hand suddenly pulled me into the house. I was terrified, and when I came to my senses, I realized that they were plainclothes policemen, and that Fang Ming had already been arrested. Afterward, they took me to the “Legal Training Base,” which was a brainwashing center for Christians. There, I saw several brothers and sisters who had been arrested. One sister told me that the police had seized more than 30,000 yuan of the church’s money, 4 laptops, and 210,000 yuan from her and two other sisters. I was very angry when I heard this, because the great red dragon was frantically arresting Christians and seizing the church’s money. It was truly evil! I silently swore to myself that I would rely on God to stand firm in my testimony, and that I would never compromise with Satan!
At the brainwashing center, the police put us into separate rooms, and a guard was assigned to each one of us to watch us 24 hours a day. Everything we ate, when we slept, and even when we went to the toilet were under their control. They also hired some people to stand guard outside the rooms. Every day from seven in the morning, they played dramas at a very loud volume until eleven or twelve at night, and then they switched on the radio to play audio dramas and the like until three or four in the morning. During this period, the police came to interrogate me from time to time about my belief in God. They would threaten and intimidate me when they saw that I wasn’t saying anything. They even gathered us together and preached atheist ideas. The purpose was to make us deny and betray God. Listening to those words made me feel sick.
They forcibly brainwashed us for more than 20 days. I couldn’t eat or sleep well every day, and I was always on edge. Later, the police found my identity information, retrieved the call records in my mobile phone, and began to interrogate me. One morning, the police took out photos of a few sisters and asked me, “Do you know them?” I saw that these sisters were all in charge of taking care of the church’s money. I would never betray them, so I said, “I don’t recognize them.” A police officer rushed over and violently slapped me twice, and then punched me more than a dozen times in the same place on my right arm. The pain in my arm felt as if it was broken. He gnashed his teeth as he was hitting me, asking: “Don’t you know them? You were in contact with them half a year ago. Did you think we didn’t know? If you don’t tell us what you know, I will break your arm.” Then, he made me squat and extend my arms out straight. My right arm hurt so much that I couldn’t lift it at all. He hit my arms and legs with a badminton racket, as well as my mouth and chin, until my lips and chin went numb. After squatting for more than ten minutes, they asked me if I knew a brother. I was shocked. They must have found his name in my call records. If I didn’t tell them, I couldn’t imagine what torment would come next, but no matter what, I couldn’t become a Judas and betray my brother. I said calmly, “I don’t know him.” Then three police officers surrounded me and grabbed my collar, and shoved me back and forth between them until I was dizzy and staggering. I was a little scared, thinking, “With my small body, if this torture continues, will I be able to bear it?” I prayed over and over in my heart, asking God to protect me. I thought of Daniel. When he was thrown into the lions’ den, he prayed to God, and God sealed the lions’ mouths, so the lions did not bite him. I saw that everything is in God’s hands, so without God’s permission, the police couldn’t do anything to me. At these thoughts, I felt less nervous and afraid. They shoved and dragged me for more than 20 minutes, after which the police captain suddenly said, “I still have some things to do. I’ll take care of you tomorrow!” After that, he hurried away. I thought of how the police would torture me tomorrow if I didn’t tell them. Would I be able to bear it? Thinking of this, I was very nervous and afraid, so I kept praying to God. I suffered through these thoughts until dawn. I felt dizzy, my chest was tight, and it became difficult to breathe. The person guarding me was so frightened that she called the head instructor and the doctor at the brainwashing center. When they checked my blood pressure, my lowest was 110mmHg, and highest was 180mmHg. The head instructor was afraid that I would die at the center and the responsibility would fall on his head, so he rushed me to the hospital. The doctor said I had coronary heart disease and needed to recuperate, and then gave me an IV drip and put me on oxygen. After hearing what the doctor said, the police saw that I wouldn’t die right away, so they immediately asked the nurse to take me off oxygen and remove the IV, and then they took me back to the brainwashing center.
After returning to the brainwashing center, my blood pressure remained very high, and it wasn’t coming down. I was also extremely light-headed and couldn’t even walk without having to support myself on the wall. But the police didn’t care about my life at all. During the day, they forced me to watch TV. The 19th National Congress of the Communist Party of China was broadcast all the time, and at night they turned on the radio until three or four in the morning. I was tormented so badly that my body got worse and worse. I’d often get chest tightness and have difficulty breathing. Every time I relapsed, they made me take seven or eight emergency heart pills, just to stop me from dying on the spot. The police also often came to threaten me, asking me to betray my brothers and sisters, and to force me to tell them the whereabouts of the church’s money. This kind of continuous interrogation and torture made me extremely nervous, and my health declined more and more. My whole upper body was swollen and painful, and it felt like my internal organs were about to fall out of place with even the slightest movement. Every day I had to keep my arms clenched around my torso, and I had to take every step carefully. When I slept, neither lying down nor sitting worked for me. I’d try one, then the other over and over until I had no energy left and just passed out for a little while. As time went on, my heart became very weak, and I felt that I might really not be able to make it. I kept praying, asking God to give me faith.
One day, I remembered a (Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs). As I sang this song over and over to myself in my head, I understood that what kind of environment each person encounters in their life of believing in God, what kind of tempering they go through, and how much suffering they endure has been preordained by God long ago. I had to submit and rely on God to experience it. As I sang, I gained some faith.“Following Christ Is Ordained by God”: “God has ordained that we follow Christ and go through trials and tribulations. If we truly love God, we should submit to His sovereignty and arrangements. To go through trials and tribulations is to be blessed by God, and God says that the rougher the path we walk, the more it can show our love. The path we walk today was preordained by God. To follow Christ of the last days is the greatest blessing of all”
Later, the head instructor made me read books and watch videos that blasphemed God and slandered (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Path … (8)). God’s word gave me a surge of complicated feelings, and my tears began to flow. I cried and prayed to God, “God! You protected me. I know this is Your mercy for me, as long as I can still do service for You, I am ready to live on. Even if I die after my service, I will have no complaints.”, and brought in people to give me brainwashing classes. In those days, I was brainwashed during the day, and the TV and radio pounded my ears with noise at night. In addition, I was worried that the police could come to interrogate me at any time, so I was very nervous. My episodes of chest tightness and pain became more frequent. A few days later, the head instructor asked me to write a letter promising I would no longer believe in God. I refused to write anything, and he said, “Even as sick as you are, you’re still resisting. Why bother? I’ll write a draft for you, and you can just copy it. The words on it won’t be what you said or what you really think. Then, I’ll put in a good word for you and have you released. This is cheating the system, do you understand? I’ll help you because you seem like a decent person. Now, just copy it out, and then go home and see a doctor.” I thought what he said made sense. I would only be going through the motions, not betraying God in my heart, so I said to him, “Let me go back and think about it.” Back in my room, I kept turning it over in my mind, “I’ve heard before that the police give the brothers and sisters schizophrenia-inducing injections and drugs. This is the kind of despicable method they use to make us betray our brothers and sisters and give up the church’s money. Most of the people I had contact with were leaders and workers, as well as some brothers and sisters who kept the church’s money. If one day the police shot me full of schizophrenia-inducing medicine or drugged me, and I lost consciousness and sold them out, I could heavily damage the interests of the church. That would be committing a great evil, and I would definitely be punished in the future. If I wrote the letter, I would be able to leave sooner, and I wouldn’t betray my brothers and sisters. However, I would be betraying God and denying God, so what would be the point of living after that? No, I can’t let myself write this letter.” The next day, the head instructor was angry when he saw that I hadn’t written the letter. He shouted, “The government has ordered that believers in like you have to write and sign the letter before you can be released. No matter how sick you are, you have to follow the government’s regulations, so hurry up and write it!” He called three guards in to help persuade me, and said, “You won’t be able to leave unless you sign the letter. The government spent a lot of money to reeducate you people, and even designed special classes. We took the government’s money, and we have to do what the government pays us for, so if you don’t sign, we will torture you every day until you do.” Their intimidation and beleaguerment made me very anxious and I couldn’t stand the tightening pain in my chest. Although I prayed in my heart, I was only going through the motions, it wasn’t sincere. In reality, I didn’t want to suffer anymore, and I had no faith in God. I constantly worried that the police would put drugs in my meals. What would happen if I lost control over my mind and betrayed my brothers and sisters? My punishment would be even more severe in the future, so I might as well just write and sign the letter. As soon as I thought of this, I compromised and signed the letter. I suddenly felt like my heart had been hollowed out, and darkness descended over my mind. I felt very uneasy, and I was terrified. I realized that by signing the “Three Letters,” I was stamped with the mark of the beast. I was a Judas who had betrayed God, and I had offended God’s disposition. I felt a deep sense of remorse, and I hated myself, feeling that I didn’t deserve to live. While my guard was asleep, I swallowed my remaining fifteen or sixteen antihypertensive pills. A few hours later, I felt dizzy, so lying on the bed, I prayed to God with tears in my eyes, “God! I signed the ‘Three Letters.’ I betrayed You and humiliated Your name. I don’t deserve to live. God! If I have a next life, I still want to believe in You and follow You….” Before I knew it, I fell asleep. The next morning, I suddenly heard the whistle to wake up. I opened my eyes and pinched myself a couple of times. It turned out that I wasn’t dead. I hated myself. Why wasn’t I dead? That was when I remembered a hymn of God’s word titled “What God Makes Perfect Is Faith”: “The utmost faith and love are required from us in the work of the last days. We may stumble from the slightest carelessness, for this stage of work is different from all the previous ones: What God is perfecting is mankind’s faith, which is both invisible and intangible. What God does is convert words to faith, to love, and to life. People must reach a point where they have endured hundreds of refinements and possess faith greater than Job’s. They must endure incredible suffering and all manner of torture without ever leaving God. When they are obedient unto death, and have great faith in God, then this stage of God’s work is complete”
Although I don’t want to die anymore, I was still in a very depressed state. Over those few days, I leaned feebly on the headboard, closed my eyes, and sat in a motionless daze. It felt like the whole world had nothing to do with me. One day, when I went to the bathroom, Fang Ming, who had been arrested too, threw me a ball of toilet paper. I opened it while my guard wasn’t there. The note written on it said, “Sister, don’t be discouraged, and don’t misunderstand God. I wrote down a hymn of God’s word for you to read.” I cried as I read it:
God Likes Those With Resolve
1 To follow the practical God, we must have this resolve: No matter how great the environments we encounter, nor what kind of difficulties we face, and no matter how weak or negative we are, we cannot lose faith in our dispositional change or in the words that God has spoken. God has made a promise to mankind, and this requires people to have resolve, faith, and perseverance to bear it. God does not like cowards; He likes people with resolve. Even if you’ve revealed a lot of corruption, even if you’ve taken the wrong path many times, or committed many transgressions, complained about God, or from within religion resisted God or harbored blasphemy against Him in your heart, and so on—God doesn’t look at all that. God only looks at whether someone pursues the truth and whether they can one day change.
2 God understands every person in the way that a mother understands her child. He understands each person’s difficulties, their weaknesses, and their needs. Even more than that, God understands what difficulties, weaknesses, and failures people will face while entering into the process of changing their disposition. These are the things that God understands best. This means that God examines the depths of people’s hearts. No matter how weak you are, as long as you don’t renounce God’s name, or leave Him and this way, then you’ll always have the chance to achieve dispositional change. If you have this chance, then you have hope of surviving, and therefore of being saved by God.
—The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Path of Practice Toward Changing One’s Disposition
were so soothing—they warmed and comforted my heart. I wept bitterly and sang the hymn in my head several times. I had done something that hurt God, but not only had God not punished me, He had moved my sister to copy out God’s word to support me when I was in my most pained and hopeless moments. I walked to the corner of the balcony and fell to the floor as I cried and prayed to God, “God! I signed the ‘Three Letters’ and betrayed You. I am unworthy of Your mercy for me. I don’t have the words to express Your love and salvation for me. God! I wish to repent to You. Please guide me.”
Later, the police released me because they couldn’t get anything from interrogating me. When I was released, they warned me not to believe in God anymore, and ordered my husband to watch me 24 hours a day. After returning home, the town government asked the village committee to inform the whole village that I had been a political prisoner for believing in God, and to ask the entire village to monitor me. Everywhere I went, people stared at me, and I had to endure pointing fingers, strange looks, sarcasm, ridicule, abuse, and all manner of unpleasantness. My husband used to support my belief in God, but after my release, he persecuted me and often scolded me for no reason. My son couldn’t stand the ridicule and insults from the villagers, so he treated me as an enemy and ignored me. This all made me very upset. Especially when I remembered that I had signed the “Three Letters” under the persecution of the great red dragon, and had thus committed a serious sin before God, I felt that God definitely wouldn’t save me, and that my brothers and sisters would look down on me. I felt like I had fallen into a bottomless pit, and I passed every day like a walking corpse. I lived in a state of extreme pain and torment, and it felt like my eyes were awash with tears every day. During that time, I couldn’t read God’s words, and I didn’t dare to contact my brothers and sisters, so I often came before God to pray, asking God to guide me in understanding His will.
After that, I found an opportunity to go to my mother’s house. She fellowshiped with me, telling me not to misunderstand God, saying that I had to learn a lesson in situations such as these. She also snuck me a copy of God’s word for me to bring back into my house. One day, I read in God’s word: “Most people have transgressed and besmirched themselves in certain ways. For example, some people have resisted God and said blasphemous things; some people have rejected God’s commission and not performed their duty, and were spurned by God; some people have betrayed God when they were faced with temptations; some have betrayed God by signing the ‘Three Letters’ when they were under arrest; some have stolen offerings; some have squandered offerings; some have frequently disturbed the church life and caused harm to God’s chosen people; some have formed cliques and handled others roughly, making a shambles of the church; some have often spread notions and death, harming the brothers and sisters; and some have engaged in fornication and promiscuity, and have been a terrible influence. Suffice it to say that everyone has their transgressions and stains. Yet some people are able to accept the truth and repent, while others cannot and would die before repenting. So people should be treated according to their nature essence and their consistent behavior. Those who can repent are those who truly believe in God; but as for the truly unrepentant, those who should be cleared out and expelled will be cleared out and expelled” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). “Each person who has submitted to being conquered by God’s words will have ample opportunity for salvation; God’s salvation of each of these people will show His utmost leniency. In other words, they will be shown the utmost tolerance. As long as people turn back from the wrong path, and as long as they can repent, God will give them opportunities to obtain His salvation” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. You Should Put Aside the Blessings of Status and Understand God’s Will to Bring Salvation to Man). After reading God’s word, I was especially moved. I knelt on the ground and prayed to God with bitter tears in my eyes. I saw that God’s righteous disposition not only contains majesty and wrath, but also mercy and tolerance for people. God is righteous, and He does not determine people’s outcome based on their temporary transgressions, but rather on the motives and backgrounds of their actions, the consequences of their actions, whether they truly repent, and their attitude toward the truth. God hates and despises people’s betrayal, but God also saves people to the greatest extent possible. If someone only betrays God in a moment of weakness, hasn’t denied and betrayed Him from the heart, and is willing to repent, then God is merciful and gives them another chance. Recognizing this, I felt even more indebted to God, and even more remorseful. I swore an oath to God that whether or not He wanted me, I would follow Him, steadfastly pursue the truth, and pursue dispositional change. Even if there was no good ending for me in the future, I would have no regrets.
After that, I kept wondering why I signed the “Three Letters” and betrayed God when I was arrested and persecuted by the CCP. I thought about how I had wanted to stand firm in my testimony when I was first arrested, but as police intimidated and threatened me more and more harshly, and as my illness became more serious, I lost faith and completely submitted to cowardice and fear. I was terrified that if the police injected me with schizophrenia-inducing medicine or gave me psychoactive drugs, and then I unconsciously betrayed my brothers and sisters, my punishment would be even more severe later, so I thought it better to sign the “Three Letters.” I believed that as long as the interests of the church weren’t damaged, the punishment I receive in the future would be lighter. So to protect my own interests, I signed the letters and betrayed God. In reality, God had allowed the great red dragon to persecute me to perfect my faith, so that I could live by God’s words and defeat Satan. But I didn’t seek God’s will at all, nor did I consider what I should do to stand firm and satisfy God. All I thought about was my own ending and destination. I saw that I was so selfish and despicable! Also, I had always thought that regardless of the circumstances, if someone betrayed God, their ending would be the same as Judas, that they would definitely be punished. But these were entirely my notions and imaginings. God is righteous, and He scrutinizes the depths of people’s hearts. He watches my every word and deed. If I had betrayed my brothers and sisters to protect my own interests, and thereby become an accomplice and minion of the great red dragon, then I would definitely end up like Judas and be punished, but if I was forcibly drugged by the police and I betrayed God when I wasn’t in control of myself, then God would treat me differently in accordance with the situation and context. But I didn’t know God’s righteous disposition, and I didn’t know God’s criteria for determining people’s ending. I lived trapped in my own notions and imaginings, fell for Satan’s trick, and committed a serious transgression. However, God still gave me the opportunity to repent. This was God’s mercy on me.
Later, I read another passage of God’s word: “Regardless of how ‘powerful’ Satan is, regardless of how audacious and ambitious it is, regardless of how great is its ability to inflict damage, regardless of how wide-ranging are the techniques with which it corrupts and lures man, regardless of how clever are the tricks and schemes with which it intimidates man, regardless of how changeable is the form in which it exists, it has never been able to create a single living thing, has never been able to set down laws or rules for the existence of all things, and has never been able to rule and control any object, whether animate or inanimate. Within the cosmos and the firmament, there is not a single person or object that was born from it, or exists because of it; there is not a single person or object that is ruled by it, or controlled by it. On the contrary, it not only has to live under the dominion of God, but, moreover, must obey all of God’s orders and commands. Without God’s permission, it is difficult for Satan to touch even a drop of water or grain of sand upon the land; without God’s permission, Satan is not even free to move the ants about upon the land, let alone mankind, who was created by God” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique I). From God’s words, I realized that God has the final say in everything in the universe. No matter how insidious or rampant the CCP may be, it is a pawn in God’s hands. It is a service-doer God uses as a tool to perfect His chosen people. But I didn’t know God’s authority, and I was always worried that the police would give me schizophrenia-inducing shots and drugs, and that if I betrayed my brothers and sisters when I was not fully conscious, the interests of the church could have suffered greatly. However, whether I was given such drugs by the police and whether I would lose conscious control of myself were all in God’s hands. Without God’s permission, the police couldn’t do anything to me. I saw that when things happened to me, I really had no faith in God, I couldn’t see through Satan’s tricks, and my stature was pitifully small. When I recognized this, my remorse only grew deeper. I believed in God for many years and enjoyed the watering and supply of so much of God’s word, but I didn’t actually know much about God. I even signed the “Three Letters” and betrayed God. At this thought, I felt even more indebted to God, so I prayed, “God! If there is still a chance, I am willing to go through another arrest, I want to forsake my body, humiliate the great red dragon, and atone for my sins.”
One day in October 2018, seven plainclothes police officers suddenly broke into my house and arrested me. I knew that this was God giving me a chance to repent. No matter whether the police beat me to death or sent me to jail, this time, I had to rely on God to stand firm. The police took me to the interrogation room, handcuffed me to a tiger chair, grabbed my hair, and slapped my face a dozen or so times. The searing pain from the blows stung, and my face immediately swelled up. A police officer asked me if I knew so-and-so. I said I didn’t. He flew into a rage, rushed over, and started to slap me hard. Next, another police officer asked me to confirm the leader’s name, but I didn’t answer. He grabbed my ear angrily, pinched along the edge of my ear with his fingernails bit by bit, and pressed me for answers as he continued to pinch. I kept shaking my head and said nothing. He was so angry that he found a handful of metal clips, and then said with a sinister smile, “If you won’t talk, you’ll suffer!” He put metal clips on the edge of my ears. Every time the clips pinched, the pain felt as if it was piercing my heart, my face kept spasming, and my whole head felt like it was being roasted on a stove. I closed my eyes and clenched my teeth, and as my body shuddered involuntarily, I prayed over and over in my heart, asking God to give me the resolve to suffer. I remembered God’s words: “Faith is like a single log bridge: Those who cling abjectly to life will have difficulty in crossing it, but those who are ready to sacrifice themselves can pass over, sure of foot and worry-free. If man harbors timid and fearful thoughts, it is because Satan has fooled them, afraid that we will cross the bridge of faith to enter into God” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 6). I realized that the police were torturing me in this way because they wanted me to betray God and sell out my brothers and sisters. I couldn’t let God down. I had to rely on God to stand firm. After a few minutes, the police removed the clips and brought out another photo of a sister for me to identify. I said, “I don’t know her.” The police angrily yanked my hand out in front of me and forcefully yanked up on my fingers. I screamed in pain and instinctively clenched my hand, but he pulled each of my fingers straight and yanked them upward. I felt as if he was breaking my fingers, and the pain was so intense I was about to break. When they saw that I still wasn’t speaking, the two policemen opened my handcuffs, twisted my hands behind my back, put them through the hole in the lower part of the back of the tiger chair, and handcuffed me again, and then pressed down forcefully on the handcuffs. It felt like my hands and arms were being torn off, and I screamed in pain. I felt very weak in my heart, so I prayed to God with tears in my eyes, asking God to give me faith and the resolve to suffer. At this time, I remembered a hymn of God’s word: “Almighty God, the Head of all things, wields His kingly power from His throne. He rules over the universe and all things, and He is in the act of guiding us on the whole earth. We shall at every moment be close to Him, and come before Him in quietness, never missing a single moment, and with lessons for us to learn at all times” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 6). God’s word gave me the enlightenment I needed, and suddenly my heart felt brighter. Almighty God is the great King of the universe, and He has the final say in everything in the universe. My life and death were also in the hands of God. If God didn’t allow it, the police couldn’t do anything to me. These devils had God’s permission to torture me like this, because God wanted to perfect my faith. I also remembered I had previously signed the “Three Letters” and betrayed God under the persecution of the great red dragon, but God did not cast me out because of my transgression, and used His words to provide for and comfort me. This time I couldn’t disappoint God again. I had to stand firm, humiliate Satan, and comfort God. They pressed on the handcuffs four times in a row, after which I felt dizzy, I was shaking and twitching all over, and I felt like I was about to die. Then the police threw mineral water on my face, and pulled open my collar and poured cold water into my shirt. I was covered in sweat, and so shocked by the cold water that my whole body was trembling and shivering. After a while, the police turned off the lights, turned on two flashlights, pointed the powerful beams of light at my face, and ordered me to keep my eyes open and not move. I prayed to God in my heart, asking Him to keep me from selling out my brothers and sisters or betraying Him.
At this time, I remembered a hymn “I Am Determined to Love God”:
1 Oh God! I have seen that Your righteousness and holiness are so lovely. I resolve to pursue the truth, and I am determined to love You. May You open my spiritual eyes and may Your Spirit move my heart. Make it so that, as I come before You, I throw off all that is negative, cease to be constrained by any person, matter, or thing, and lay my heart completely bare before You, and make it so that I may offer my entire being before You. However You may test me, I am ready. Now, I give no consideration to my future prospects, nor am I under the yoke of death. With a heart that loves You, I desire to seek the way of life.
2 Every matter, everything—it is all in Your hands; my fate is in Your hands and You hold my very life in Your hand. Now, I seek to love You, and regardless of whether You let me love You, regardless of how Satan disturbs, I am determined to love You. I myself am willing to seek after You and to follow You. Now even if You want to abandon me, I will still follow You. Whether You want me or not, I will still love You, and in the end I must gain You. I offer up my heart to You, and no matter what You do, I will follow You for my entire life. No matter what, I must love You and I must gain You; I will not rest until I have gained You.
—The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Concerning the Practice of Prayer
As I hummed this hymn over and over in my mind, I remembered the martyrdom of the saints of all past eras. Stephen was stoned to death, Jacob was beheaded, Peter was crucified upside down for God…. They all sacrificed their lives to testify to God, but I felt I couldn’t take it anymore after just a little suffering. I saw that I had too little faith, and I swore a silent oath to myself: No matter how the police tortured me, I would never betray God or sell out my brothers and sisters. Miraculously, the strong beams of light from the two flashlights were facing me, but I didn’t feel dazzled at all. It was as if I was looking at the light from two candles. I was elated, and thanked God in my heart. I knew that this was all God’s care and protection. Later, a police officer said, “For people like you who believe in Almighty God, your sons and daughters can’t join the army or work in public service.” He also said he would post my photo on the Internet and spread rumors that I had betrayed the church so all the brothers and sisters would reject me. I knew this was just one of their tricks, and I didn’t submit.
At about two in the afternoon the next day, a police officer came in. He attempted to trick me by saying, “If you don’t want to tell us anything right now, that’s fine. If you write a letter renouncing your faith in God, we will let you go home, and we will never bother you again. I have the authority to promise you that.” He kept pressing me to write it, but I refused. He charged over and slapped me seven or eight times in a fit of rage, and then another police officer also came over and viciously kicked my calf bone, sending a piercing pain racing through my body. I was handcuffed behind my back, and he pressed my back with one hand so forcefully that my head touched the metal plate attached to the front of the tiger chair, while he lifted up my handcuffs as hard as he could with his other hand. The flesh on my wrists felt like it was being peeled away from my bones. I screamed in pain. At this time, the police officer who was interrogating me also came over, kicked my calf bone, and shouted, “Do you want to go home, or do you want your God? You can only choose one. Now answer me!” I didn’t respond. They pressed my back forward as hard as possible and lifted up my handcuffs again four times, and only stopped when they saw I was starting to spasm. I felt dizzy, both of my hands were numb, I felt my chest begin to tighten, I was spasming all over my body, and I was starting to lose consciousness. I kept praying in my heart, asking God to keep me from betraying my brothers, sisters, and God. No matter how the police tortured me, I would stand firm and humiliate the great red dragon. The police continued to press me with the question, asking if I wanted to go home or if I wanted God. I said, “I will never leave God!” One of the officers was so angry that he glared at me and yelled, “You’re so stubborn you’ve lost your mind! You’re completely hopeless!” In the end, they couldn’t get anything out of me, so I was sent to the detention center, and then released after 15 days of detention. I knew that it was God’s protection and guidance that allowed me to stand firm this time.
After I returned home, the police monitored me more closely. The director of the village Women’s Federation often came to my house to ask about my situation. My family and neighbors also monitored me. The police came by my house almost every month to see if I still believed in God. I remember, in one month, the police visited me four times. In October of 2020, three representatives from the town government came and said, “We have been monitoring you for three years. Today, we’re here to ask you to write a letter promising that you don’t believe in God, a criticism and exposure letter, and a letter of disassociation from the church. Do that, and we will remove your name from the blacklist. We won’t monitor you anymore, you can live freely like a normal person, and your son’s future won’t be affected.” When I heard this, I was very angry. I thought, “You really are despicable! You try every means you can think of to make me betray God, but you won’t fool me!” I refused them on the spot. The district party committee secretary then said, “Then why don’t we write it for you? You can just pretend to transcribe it, and we will take a picture of you to report the completion to our superiors. We don’t want to keep coming here to bother you.” His hypocritical words made me nauseous. I remembered that I had fallen for Satan’s trick before to protect my own interests, and signed the “Three Letters” and betrayed God. The mark of that humiliation was deeply etched in my heart. I thought to myself, “Even if you monitor me for the rest of my life, even if you arrest me and sentence me, I will never betray God again.” Finally, they saw that I was resolute, and left dejected.
After being arrested twice, although I was tortured and suffered a lot, I gained a lot. I saw that I was very selfish and despicable, and that I had no genuine faith in God. I also gained understanding of God’s righteous disposition. God’s righteous disposition is not only majestic and wrathful, but also full of great mercy and salvation for people. Throughout this journey, I experienced God’s genuine love for me. For this, I am grateful to God from the bottom of my heart. No matter how difficult and arduous the road ahead may be, I will follow God to the end!