Understanding God’s Heart Can Eliminate Misconceptions
By Chen Gang, Hebei Province
say, “God’s supremacy, greatness, holiness, tolerance, love, and so forth—every detail of every one of the various aspects of God’s disposition and essence find practical expression every time He does His work, are embodied in His will toward man, and are also fulfilled and reflected in every person. Regardless of whether you have felt it before, God is caring for every person in every possible way, using His sincere heart, wisdom, and various methods to warm each person’s heart, and awaken each person’s spirit. This is an indisputable fact” (“God’s Work, God’s Disposition, and God Himself I” in ). After reading God’s words, I saw that everything He does is brimming with His love and mercy as well as His care for us. All of God’s actions are most beneficial to us, and are what we most need; as long as we seek and experience it earnestly, we will sense this love of His. However, due to my ignorance of God’s disposition and essence, I often existed in a state of misunderstanding, suspicion, and defensiveness toward God, and was unable to give my heart over to Him. Whenever there was a duty to perform, I always tried to dodge it or decline to do it, thereby losing many opportunities to gain the truth. Some time ago, being faced with real circumstances and the judgment and chastisement from God’s words caused me to gain some understanding of my own satanic nature as well as some actual knowledge of God’s beautiful and good essence; only then did I rid myself of a few of my misconceptions about Him.
After I started believing in God, whenever I used to see or hear of anyone being dismissed from a leadership duty and replaced—sometimes even expelled due to having committed too much evil—I would always get a feeling that was difficult to express, and could not help but think to myself, “Fulfilling one’s duty in a leadership role is a huge responsibility; one could get dismissed and replaced for not handling something well enough, and might even be at risk of being expelled and eliminated. It seems that the higher one’s position, the more precarious it is. There is some truth to the sayings, ‘It gets lonely at the top’ and ‘The bigger they come, the harder they fall.’ I reckon fulfilling a duty that doesn’t come with a higher position is a bit safer; as long as I don’t get promoted, I’ll be fine. That way I can avoid doing too many evil deeds and getting exposed and eliminated for it, and having faith to the end yet ending up with nothing.” Thereupon, whenever the church wanted to promote me or arrange for me to participate in an election, I made all manner of excuses to get out of it and decline. Gradually, a great deep chasm formed between me and God. During a meeting in April of this year, my leader asked me, “Brother, our small district’s annual election will be held soon. What are your thoughts on it?” Upon hearing that an election would be held soon, I felt flustered and was not sure how to respond. I thought about how some brothers and sisters in the past had been dismissed and replaced for not being able to do real work, and to this day had not been able to fulfill their duties. I was afraid that were I to be elected, I might suffer the same fate if, when the time came, I, too, were unable to complete any real work. I currently had it pretty good; not only did I have a duty to fulfill, but I did not need to worry about losing my position and getting replaced. With these thoughts in mind, I hastily replied to my leader, “I have too many shortcomings in every respect. I also tend to be extremely uptight during meetings with our brothers and sisters. It would probably be a bit more suitable for me to continue getting more practice with my current duty, so I’m not going to run in this election.” Seeing that I did not look very favorably on the idea of getting elected, my leader communicated with me a few more times on the subject in the hope that I would take part in the upcoming election, but I always politely declined.
One evening a few days later, I sought out my leaders because I had something to discuss with them. They were in the middle of reading a letter from upper-level leadership regarding the election. So nervous I felt as though my heart were in my throat, I thought to myself, “I need to run away and hide, or else they’ll want to communicate with me again about running for the election.” I therefore hid in the bathroom and killed time, but as a result, while scratching an itch, I accidentally scratched open a sore, and got blood all over my hand. I quickly wiped it away with a paper towel and put pressure on the wound, but after a while, the paper towel was soaked through. All of a sudden, I felt dumbfounded: What would I do if I couldn’t stop the blood? With one hand still putting pressure on the sore, I took quick steps and rushed back into the room to get my leaders to take a look and see what could be done to stop the bleeding. A brother glanced at it and said, “You’re bleeding pretty heavily; it’s not going to stop. The more you wipe at it, the more it’ll bleed!” Hearing this, I felt even more uncertain: Was it really this serious? How could a little sore bleed so profusely? If I didn’t stop the bleeding, would it continue on to the next day until I was bled dry? A wave of terror, anxiety, and helplessness suddenly surged through me, and I had no idea what to do. It felt as though the very air were about to solidify. Just then, I grew conscious of the possibility that the day’s abrupt occurrence had not been random at all, and that I must hurry up and reflect upon my actions so that I could know myself better! I then calmed down and pondered whether I had offended God in any way recently, but no matter how hard I tried, I could not think of anything. Then I recalled a passage of God’s utterances: “When people offend God, it might not be because of one event or one thing they said, but rather because of an attitude they hold and a state they are in. This is a very frightening thing” (“God Himself, the Unique VII” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). The guidance of God’s words brought me before Him to seek the truth: “God! I have been so blind and foolish. I cannot fathom what I have done to offend You. Please, show me the way; reveal to me Your will, so that I might recognize my contrariness and resistance. I wish to repent before You.” After I finished praying, I felt a bit more at peace, and began to reflect upon my past actions and thoughts, wondering where I might have strayed from God’s will. Just then, I suddenly remembered how I had behaved and the attitude I had had with regard to the election: My leaders had repeatedly sought me out to communicate their opinion that I should take part in it, yet I had always maintained my own notions; fearing that I would get exposed if I did a poor job of fulfilling my duty, I had made up all manner of reasons and excuses to decline to participate again and again. My attitude had not been one of acceptance and submission, even in the slightest. I well knew that the democratic elections held by the church were required in work arrangements; this was an important part of the work of God’s family, and it contained God’s will. However, I had not at all sought the truth; in order to protect myself, I had repeatedly avoided the election and refused to run in it. This sort of attitude I had deep down—of making an enemy of God—had made me loathsome and hateful in His eyes, and even more so, had caused Him to feel hurt and disappointed. My suddenly having come up against this kind of problem had been God’s way of disciplining me. Realizing this, I perceived that God’s righteous disposition would not tolerate being offended by humans, so I wanted to turn this erroneous condition of mine around and repent before God. I therefore gave my leaders a thorough account of everything I had self-reflected about, from beginning to end. After listening to me, the brother fellowshiped with me about the attitude and revelations he had had when he had taken part in the elections. Thank God! This incident had taught me a lesson, and an hour later, my sore stopped bleeding. This made me realize that while I had been existing in a state of corruption and contrariness, God had showed me His righteous, unoffendable disposition; and when I had turned back to Him with a desire to seek the truth, He had revealed His smiling face to me, and I had gotten a taste that God’s disposition is vivid and lifelike.
Afterward, I could not help but reflect that every time the church had held an election, I had always sought to avoid it and make excuses to get out of it. I had not wanted to run, terrified that if I were to be elected to a leadership position and do something against God, I might be dismissed and eliminated. Why were these thoughts always running through my head? During my spiritual devotions, I consciously searched for God’s words on this subject, that I might eat and drink of them. One day I read this utterance of God: “Some say, ‘Believing in God in His presence—that is like walking on eggshells! It’s like living on a knife’s edge!’ Others say, ‘Believing in God is like that saying of the unbelievers, “Being in the king’s company is like being near a tiger.” It’s so awful! If you say or do one thing wrong, then you will be eliminated; you will be cast to hell and destroyed!’ Are such sayings correct? Where does the saying, ‘Being in the king’s company is like being near a tiger,’ tend to be used? And what does ‘walking on eggshells’ refer to? What does ‘living on a knife’s edge’ mean? You should all know what they mean literally; they all indicate great danger. It is like a person taming a lion or tiger: Every day is like walking on eggshells or living on a knife’s edge; this is the sort of situation to which those sayings refer. That ferocious nature of tigers and lions may flare up at any moment. They are cold-blooded animals that have no affection for humans, no matter how many years they might have associated with them. If they want to eat you, they will eat you; if they want to harm you, they will harm you. Thus, is it correct to use such phrases to describe what it is like to believe in God? Do you not sometimes think in the following way? ‘Believing in God really is like walking on eggshells; that anger of His can flare out in an instant. He could be infuriated at any time, and He could remove someone from their position at any time. Whomever God dislikes will be exposed and eliminated.’ Is this the case? (No.) It looks like you have had experience with this and understand it, so you should not be deceived. This is a fallacy; it is an absolutely absurd thing to say” (“Give Your True Heart to God, and You Can Obtain the Truth” in Records of Christ’s Talks). “Some people say, ‘Don’t be a leader, and don’t have status. People are in danger the minute they gain status, and God will expose them! Once they are exposed, they will not even be qualified to be ordinary believers, and will no longer have a chance of being saved. God is not just!’ What sort of thing is that to say? At best, it represents a misunderstanding of God; at worst, it is blasphemy against God” (“To Resolve One’s Corrupt Disposition, One Must Have a Specific Path of Practice” in Records of Christ’s Talks). Line by line, God’s words left me deeply moved, for they described my situation precisely. I had not actually bluntly voiced that believing in God was like “being near a tiger” or “living on a knife’s edge,” but looking at my attitude toward the church’s elections, I had been completely defensive and full of misapprehensions. This showed that that was exactly the sort of situation in which I had been living. Upon seeing the suffering, tormented existence of some brothers and sisters who had been dismissed from leadership positions, some of whom had even been expelled due to having committed multiple evildoings, I had always flinched from the idea of fulfilling my duty as a leader, wishing instead to keep a respectful distance, because from my point of view, with leadership came position, and with it came the risk of being exposed and eliminated. I even went so far as to be extremely cautious, timid and hesitant when completing my own duties, and had never been keen about the elections, deeply afraid that if I were elected to serve as a leader and made a mistake, I might get dismissed and eliminated as a result. In my imagination, I had been seeing God in the same way I saw Chinese Communist Party officials who held power; I did not dare to approach too close or provoke Him. I had assumed that anyone who offended Him would necessarily suffer a great calamity, and I’d even thought that those brothers and sisters who had been dismissed and eliminated had brought it upon themselves by serving in leadership positions. I had virtually seen “leaders,” a position established in the administrative structure of God’s family, as a way of exposing and eliminating people. Only now, through the revelations of God’s word, did I become conscious that these thoughts I had been harboring had exposed a complete lack of knowledge of God’s holy essence. These conjectures I had had about God had been blasphemous in the extreme! Realizing this, I felt a lingering fear, and could not help but kneel down in prayer before God: “God! Though I have followed You for many years, I do not know You. My brothers and sisters communicated with me to take part in the elections, which were opportunities You had bestowed upon me to train me, and to purify and transform me—but not only did I not comprehend Your will, I actually refused and tried to evade them, being altogether defensive and misunderstanding toward You. I did not at all treat You as God. That view of mine was simply that of a non-believer—a truly satanic sort! God! Had You not exposed me in this way, I would never have reflected upon my own issues, and would still be existing in a state of antagonism and misapprehension. If that had continued, I could only have been hated, detested and spurned by You. God! I now am willing to repent. Please, guide me to an understanding of the truth and of Your will. …”
After that, I read more of God’s words: “The moment people gain status—regardless of who they are—do they then become antichrists? (If they do not pursue the truth, then they will become antichrists, but if they do pursue the truth, then they will not.) Thus, it is not absolute. So, are those who walk the path of the antichrists ultimately trapped by status? That happens when people do not take the right path. They have a good path to follow, yet they do not follow it; instead, they follow an evil one. This is akin to how people eat: Some do not consume food that can keep their bodies healthy and maintain their normal lives, and take drugs instead. In the end, taking drugs makes them addicted and kills them. Is this not a choice that people make themselves?” (“To Resolve One’s Corrupt Disposition, One Must Have a Specific Path of Practice” in Records of Christ’s Talks). Then I read another fellowship that says, “Why are so many people exposed doing all kinds of evil with their position and power? It is not because their position hurts them. The fundamental problem is the essence of man’s nature. A position can certainly expose people, but if a good-hearted person has a high position, they will not commit various evils” (The Fellowship From the Above). God’s words and this fellowship allowed me to realize some things. As it turned out, those co-workers and leaders who had been dismissed and eliminated had not been dispatched due to their leadership positions, but because while fulfilling their duties, they had consistently failed to pursue the truth or walk the right path; they had therefore been exposed and gotten rid of. I couldn’t help but think of those leaders and co-workers around me who had been exposed. One brother had been especially self-righteous, and had not fulfilled his duty according to principle. He had freely promoted people to fulfill leadership duties who had gifts and qualities but did not possess the reality of the truth. He had not accepted repeated reminders and assistance from brothers and sisters, and as a result, had brought disturbances into church life, obstructing brothers and sisters from attaining life entry. This brother had relied particularly heavily on his own opinions, even to the point of ignoring the advice of co-workers. He had insisted on storing the church’s money and valuables in a home that had security risks, which had led to it all being seized by the Chinese Communist Party. There was also a sister who had been excessively concerned with status, and while fulfilling her duty as a co-worker, she had not been able to accept everyone’s constructive criticism. She had even fixed and retaliated against those brothers and sisters who had given her advice, and had refused to accept the fellowship and assistance from her superiors multiple times. Finally, she had been given a warning, yet she still did not reflect upon her actions to get to know herself, let alone accept the truth; she had never repented or changed, and instead stubbornly trod the path of the antichrist. … These examples of failure made me see that the church had not dismissed or eliminated anyone without good grounds. Only after I carefully analyzed the way these dismissed and eliminated individuals had behaved all along did I see that most of them had had a rather serious contrariness in their dispositions and had never conducted the work of the church in accordance with the principles of the truth. They had all just done as they pleased, and had ended up causing interruptions and disturbances in the church’s work, seriously hindering other brothers and sisters from attaining life entry. Ultimately, they had had to be dismissed and replaced. Evidently, before anyone was dismissed, God had given them ample opportunities to repent, and brothers and sisters had helped and supported them many times; it was just that those leaders had never exhibited any intent to make a turn-around, and had seriously interrupted, disturbed, and hindered the church’s work before finally being dismissed and replaced. They only had themselves to blame for their failure, didn’t they? Had this not been the bitter fruit of their gradual making? However, from their failures and falls, I had not discerned the erroneous path these people were on or seen clearly the source of their resistance against God, and I had not subsequently reflected upon my own actions and used their example as a warning to myself. I also had not known that God’s disposition is unoffendable, so had not developed a God-fearing reverence that would have prevented me from following in their footsteps; instead, I had given rise to misapprehension and defensiveness toward God. I had taken all of unrighteousness and put it on God. I could see that I truly was ignorant and blind, despicable and pitiful, and really had hurt God to the core. I also recalled that there were now a group of people in the church who, despite never having held any high positions, had continuously failed to pursue the truth and caused interruptions and disturbances in the church and not served their purposes well; likewise, they, too, had been exposed and eliminated by God. This realization gave me an even clearer understanding that while we are following God, whether or not we are exposed and eliminated has nothing to do with what duty we are fulfilling or what position we hold. If we do not pursue the truth or walk the path of transformation in our dispositions, then regardless of what position we may or may not hold, we are all liable to be controlled by Satan’s disposition, and at any time could do things that offend or resist God and thus be exposed and eliminated. This was a precise confirmation of God’s words: “To Have an Unchanged Disposition Is to Be in Enmity to God.” I am grateful for God’s enlightenment and guidance, which allowed me to gain some understanding and discernment of the erroneous views I had been holding, as well as to appreciate the importance of pursuing the truth while believing in God and of striving for a change in disposition. At the same time, I became conscious of just how preposterous and absurd I had been to live inside my misconceptions and imaginations.
Later, I read another passage in a fellowship that went like this: “I asked a brother, ‘Have you made any progress over the past few years?’ He said, ‘The most progress I made resulted from that expulsion I experienced.’ Why did he make the greatest progress from being expelled? He definitely had prayed urgently before God, and certainly had spent quite a bit of time reflecting upon his actions and getting to know himself. He also was willing to repent, and did not want to be cast away by God. Praying in earnest to God brought a good deal of enlightenment and illumination, as well as self-knowledge; he came to recognize how he had acted and behaved over the years, and what path he had been taking. By way of these negative learning experiences, he realized exactly how he should be believing in God and how he should pursue the truth. After that, he made a genuine repentance before God, and had become willing to work hard in his pursuit of the truth, submit to God’s judgment and chastisement, and defer to His orchestration. In this way, his journey of believing in God was renewed, and he formally set foot upon the path of faith. So, tell me, does such an expulsion have any advantages? Isn’t it actually a way of bringing people salvation?” (The Fellowship From the Above). From this fellowship, I could see the extreme mercy and salvation God brought to people. Some had been expelled by the church due to evil acts they had committed, but as long as they sincerely repented and were willing to accept and submit to God’s discipline and chastening, reflect upon themselves to know themselves better, and begin to pursue the truth, then there was still hope for their salvation. At the same time, I came to understand that God’s strict judgment, ways of dealing with people, chastening, and disciplining were also forms of salvation for people who genuinely repented; their purpose was to enable people to self-reflect better and understand their satanic nature that had led them to resist God and see Him as an enemy. It was to enable them to truly loathe themselves and forsake their flesh so that they could give rise to a fearful reverence toward God and set foot upon the path of pursuing the truth. For people who sincerely have faith in God and pursue the truth, no matter what they have experienced—whether they were dismissed and replaced, or expelled, or what—none of this was exposure or elimination, but rather they became turning points in their paths to believing in God! Inadvertently, I was reminded of a passage of God’s words: “Having failed and fallen down multiple times is not a bad thing; nor is being exposed. Whether you have been dealt with, pruned, or been exposed, you must remember this at all times: Being exposed does not mean that you are being condemned. Being exposed is a good thing; it is the best opportunity for you to get to know yourself. It can bring your life experience a change of gears. Without it, you will possess neither the opportunity, the condition, nor the context to be able to reach an understanding of the truth of your corruption. If you can come to know the things inside you, all those aspects hidden deep within you that are hard to recognize and difficult to unearth, then this is a good thing. Becoming able to truly know yourself is the best opportunity for you to mend your ways and become a new person; it is the best opportunity for you to obtain new life. Once you truly know yourself, you will be able to see that when the truth becomes one’s life, it is a precious thing indeed, and you will thirst for the truth and enter into the reality. This is such a great thing! If you can grab this opportunity and earnestly reflect upon yourself and gain a genuine knowledge of yourself whenever you fail or fall down, then in the midst of negativity and weakness, you will be able to stand back up. Once you have crossed this threshold, you will then be able to take a big step forward and enter truth reality” (“To Gain the Truth, You Must Learn From the People, Matters, and Things Around You” in Records of Christ’s Talks). When I thought about this, I gained an even deeper understanding of God’s will: Whether He strikes at us, disciplines us, or dismisses and expels us, everything He does to us is decided based on our own behavior and corrupt essence. Everything God does is meant to purify and transform people; for us, these things are all salvations, and most beneficial. All along, I had looked fearfully at the duty of leadership because those people had been exposed, dismissed, and eliminated, and had warned myself never to agree to fulfill a duty that came with a position, because that way I would not fall down or fail, nor would I live in the painful refinement. God’s righteous disposition encompasses our judgment, chastisement, chastening, and disciplining, but it also includes tolerance and patience and the greatest of love for us. I had never seen these things before, instead living in a state of misunderstanding and conjecture toward God that was based on my own notions and imaginations. I had been unwilling to take part in elections, much less had I had any aspiration to fulfill the duty of leadership, and as a result, I had missed out on many opportunities to obtain the truth and know God. Only now did I see clearly that my previous notions “It is lonely at the top” and “The bigger they come, the harder they fall” were absurd views of Satan which had been extremely obstructive to my pursuit of the truth and to my seeking to know God. I thanked God for His enlightenment and guidance, which had allowed me to rid myself of certain misconceptions I’d had toward Him. At the same time, I sensed just how truly ugly, disgusting, contrary, and ignorant I had actually been!
Later on, I could not help but wonder introspectively why I had always been so defensive toward God and what nature had controlled me to do so. I read a passage of God’s words, which says, “And if you are liable to doubt God and speculate about Him at will, then you are, without question, the most deceitful of all people. You speculate whether God can be like man: unpardonably sinful, of petty character, devoid of fairness and reason, lacking a sense of justice, given to vicious tactics, treacherous and cunning, pleased by evil and darkness, and so on. Is not the reason that people have such thoughts because they lack the slightest knowledge of God?” (“How to Know the God on Earth” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). I also read a fellowship that says, “All those who are defensive toward God when faced with trials are treacherous, selfish, and mean, and they think only of themselves and do not hold God in their hearts. Such people are the ones who struggle against God. As soon as they encounter a problem, they get defensive toward God and study Him, wondering, ‘What did God mean by this? Why did He allow this to happen to me?’ They then try to reason with God. Are such people not evil in their intentions? Is pursuing the truth easy for such people? It is not. These are not normal people; they have a demonic nature, and are completely incapable of getting along with anyone” (“Questions & Answers” in Sermons and Fellowship XIII). God’s words and this fellowship exposed the root cause of my problem of defensiveness against God and speculation about God. Because I was by nature overly sly, every time the church had wished to cultivate me and promote me, I had not only failed to grasp the love God had for me or comprehend His painstaking intention, but I had, to the contrary, assumed that fulfilling a leadership duty would be too dangerous and that once I had a position and did evil, I would constantly be at risk of being dismissed and eliminated. I thought about how I had been enjoying heavens and earth and all the things God had created—right down to the very sunshine and rain—as well as all the watering and provision from so many of God’s utterances, yet I had not tried in the least to gain an appreciation of the love and salvation He had for people. I had always been defensive toward Him and done Him harm, suspecting that God was as petty as humans and devoid of mercy or love for us. I had truly been so deceitful and contemptible, and had not exhibited even the tiniest bit of the likeness of a human in my life. Just then, I felt very guilty, and again I recalled God’s words: “God is quietly doing everything for man, doing it all silently through His sincerity, faithfulness, and love. But He never has any apprehensions or regrets over anything He does, nor does He ever need anyone to repay Him in any way or have intentions of ever obtaining anything from mankind. The only purpose of everything He has ever done is so He can receive mankind’s true faith and love” (“God’s Work, God’s Disposition, and God Himself I” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). “God created mankind; regardless of whether they have been corrupted or whether they follow Him, God treats human beings as His most cherished loved ones—or as human beings would say, the people dearest to Him—and not as His playthings” (“God’s Work, God’s Disposition, and God Himself I” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). “From the beginning until today, only man has been capable of conversing with God. That is, among all living things and creatures of God, none but man has been able to converse with God. Man has ears that enable him to hear, and eyes that let him see; he has language, and his own ideas, and free will. He is possessed of all that is required to hear God speak, and understand God’s will, and accept God’s commission, and so God confers all His wishes upon man, wanting to make man a companion who is of the same mind with Him and who can walk with Him. Since He began to manage, God has been waiting for man to give his heart to Him, to let God purify and equip it, to make him satisfactory to God and loved by God, to make him revere God and shun evil. God has ever looked forward to and awaited this outcome” (“God’s Work, God’s Disposition, and God Himself II” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). Among the lines and words of God’s utterances were revealed a love and care for humanity, as well as hope and expectation. God treats humans as a compassionate mother treats her children, genuinely loving and taking good care of each and every one of us. In order to obtain a group of humans who are in tune with His will, God has incarnated in the flesh twice, enduring enormous humiliation and paying the ultimate price for the sake of bringing redemption and salvation to humanity. Despite the contrariness, resistance, misunderstanding, and complaining we have shown to God, He has continued, with extreme tolerance and patience, to silently do the work of salvation for humanity. God has come among us to express the truth, watering and providing for and leading us, in the hope that one day we can understand His good intentions in saving people and give our hearts over to God, submitting to His judgment and chastisement, throwing off our corrupt dispositions, and turning into people whom God has saved who revere Him and eschew evil. I could see that God’s essence is so beautiful and good, and His love for humanity is so real! I, on the other hand, had been blind and foolish, lacking even the tiniest shred of knowledge of God; much less had I understood His good intentions. I had been defensive and misunderstanding toward God, heartlessly refusing His salvation again and again, avoiding and distancing myself from God as though He were an enemy, and giving Him nothing but pain and suffering. However, God had not focused on my contrariness, foolishness, and ignorance, but instead had set up an environment that would chasten and discipline me. He had also enlightened and guided me by way of His words, thereby ridding me of my defensiveness and misunderstanding toward Him and enabling me to give my heart over to Him. God’s love made me feel ashamed, and I could not help but throw myself to the ground in prostration before Him and say, “God! I have claimed to have faith in You, yet I have not known You in the least. In every respect, I have been defensive toward You and misunderstood You. I really am far too treacherous; I have hurt You through and through, and am not worthy of coming before You. God! Today Your judgment and chastisement have made me realize Your intention to bring people salvation, and have rid me of my misapprehension toward You little by little. God! I do not wish to miss any more opportunities to obtain the truth and be perfected. I only wish to pursue the truth and fulfill my duty to repay Your love!” After I finished praying, in my heart I felt very close to God, and now had an aspiration to seek a way to satisfy Him.
A few days later, my leaders again fellowshiped with me about the upcoming election in the hope that I could participate. I knew that this was a God-given opportunity for repentance, and I wished to do my very best to cherish it, so I gladly told them “yes.” A few days after I turned my misconceptions around and dumped the defensiveness I had had against God, and ran in the election, my brothers and sisters chose me to fulfill a leadership duty. In that moment I felt deeply moved, and my eyes brimmed with tears of gratitude. I knew deep down that this was God’s love bestowed upon me, and all I wanted to do was to work hard at pursuing the truth and fulfilling my duty and use real actions to repay God’s love.
Looking back on this experience, I know it was the enlightenment and guidance of God’s words that, bit by bit, rid me of my misconceptions about God and gave me an appreciation for the greatness and nobility of His disposition. While God is doing the work of salvation, no matter how much contrariness, corruption, or even resistance is revealed in us, as long as we have a little desire to make a turnaround, God will not abandon us. Rather, He will bring maximum salvation to each and every one of us. Even though God’s words contain judgments and condemnation, He always grants us the truest love and salvation; this is the only way we can attain even more profound loathing at our corruption and wickedness, and work hard to pursue the truth and achieve a transformation of disposition. God’s words say, “God’s essence is not just for man to believe in; it is, moreover, for man to love. But many of those who believe in God are incapable of discovering this ‘secret.’ People do not dare to love God, nor do they try to love Him. They have never discovered that there is so much that is lovable about God; they have never discovered that God is the God who loves man, and that He is the God who is for man to love” (“Those Who Love God Will Forever Live Within His Light” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). God’s essence is beautiful and good, and there are so many things to love about Him. We need to actually appreciate and realize this through experience. From now on, in the environment God has arranged for me, I wish to spend more time seeking the truth, trying to fathom God’s will, discover even more of God’s lovable attributes, and strive to know God so that I may shed my corrupt disposition as soon as possible and become compatible with God.