By Luo Ying, China

In 2013, I was defined as a false leader and dismissed after it was found that I didn’t seek principles in my duty and let my arrogant disposition dictate my actions, all of which caused disruptions and disturbances to the church’s gospel work. During the time after I was dismissed, I felt quite negative and regretful. I gained some knowledge of my corrupt disposition through reading God’s words and reflecting on myself, but deep down I still felt quite guarded toward God and thought that since I had such a corrupt disposition and had committed a very serious transgression, I absolutely should not do an important duty in the future. If I were to commit another transgression, at the very least I would be dismissed and in a more serious scenario, I would likely be thoroughly revealed, eliminated and lose my opportunity to attain salvation. Especially after seeing how some people who were talented, had caliber, and performed important duties were ultimately revealed as false leaders and dismissed or even defined as antichrists and expelled due to not seeking the truth, continually striving for status and reputation, acting based on their arrogant dispositions and failing to repent, which caused disruptions and disturbances to church work, I became even more certain what I thought was right. Going forward, I would just do duties that didn’t carry large responsibilities and weren’t as risky, that way I would still have a chance of surviving when God’s work came to a close. Later on, my leader assigned me to the church’s cleansing work. I thought to myself, “In the past, certain sisters doing cleansing work had been dismissed due to acting according to their corrupt dispositions and not abiding by principles, which led to disruptions and disturbances in the church’s work. Yet, I have less knowledge of the truth than them and have such a serious arrogant disposition—if I were to do something disruptive or disturbing, I’ll have committed evil!” After mulling it over, I decided to turn down the assignment. After that, the leader assigned me to textual work, and I was quite pleased with the assignment. I thought that textual work would not require me to make major decisions for the church and wouldn’t involve any risky situations, so I happily accepted it. In 2017, my leader once again sought me out, informing me that the church’s cleansing work was in dire need of workers and expressing the hope that I would consider God’s intention and take on a role in the cleansing team. I still felt a bit reluctant, but it occurred to me that I had already turned the assignment down once and if I turned it down again out of consideration for my future and prospects, I would be betraying God. I couldn’t be so conscienceless! In the midst of my suffering, I prayed to God and asked Him to guide me to break free from that improper state.

Later, I came across this passage of God’s words: “Some people, no matter how many corrupt dispositions they reveal, do not seek the truth to resolve them. As a result, even after believing in God for many years, their dispositions remain unchanged. They think, ‘Whenever I do something, I reveal my corrupt dispositions; if I refrain from doing anything, then I won’t reveal them. Doesn’t that resolve the problem?’ Isn’t this abstaining from eating for fear of choking? What will the result of this be? It can only lead to starvation. If one reveals corrupt dispositions and does not resolve them, it is tantamount to not accepting the truth and dropping dead. What will be the consequences if you believe in God and do not pursue the truth? You will be digging your own grave. Corrupt dispositions are the enemy of your belief in God; they hinder your practice of the truth, your experience of God’s work, and your submission to Him. As a result, you will not attain God’s salvation in the end. Is that not digging your own grave? Satanic dispositions hinder you from accepting and practicing the truth. You cannot avoid them; you must confront them. If you do not overcome them, they will control you. If you can overcome them, you will no longer be constrained by them, and you will be free” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). Pondering over God’s words I realized I, too, was abstaining from eating for fear of choking. Because I had been dismissed due to not seeking the truth, acting by my arrogant disposition and disrupting and disturbing the church’s gospel work, I became guarded and full of misunderstanding. I was not willing to take on an important duty and was happy just to do any unimportant duty—all that mattered to me was that I didn’t make any mistakes or have any issues. When faced with an assignment to an important duty, I unconsciously went into self-protection mode. Worrying that if I let my arrogant disposition dictate my actions, and caused disruptions and disturbances to the church’s work again, I would likely be dismissed and eliminated, I always wanted to reject the assignment, thinking that I could protect myself in so doing. I always avoided dealing with my corrupt disposition and didn’t seek the truth to resolve it. If I continued on like that, not only would my life disposition not transform in the slightest, my ability to attain salvation would also be uncertain. God’s words also gave me a path of practice, showing me that I had to stop avoiding dealing with my corrupt disposition and should seek truth to resolve it.

Later on, I reflected on what corrupt nature was causing me to always be on my guard with God and reject assigned duties. One day, I came across this passage of God’s words: “I take pleasure in those who are not suspicious of others, and I like those who readily accept the truth; toward these two kinds of people I show great care, for in My eyes they are honest people. If you are deceitful, then you will be guarded and suspicious toward all people and matters, and thus your faith in Me will be built upon a foundation of suspicion. I could never acknowledge such faith. Lacking true faith, you are even more devoid of true love. And if you are liable to doubt God and speculate about Him at will, then you are, without question, the most deceitful of all people. You speculate whether God can be like man: unpardonably sinful, of petty character, devoid of fairness and reason, lacking a sense of justice, given to vicious tactics, treacherous and cunning, pleased by evil and darkness, and so on. Is not the reason that people have such thoughts because they lack the slightest knowledge of God? Such faith is nothing short of sin!” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. How to Know the God on Earth). Thinking over God’s words, I realized that I had a deceitful and wicked nature—my thoughts were like those of an unrighteous person, I was always speculating about God, and being on my guard against Him in the same way that I would with a bad person. I thought that assigning me to an important duty was meant to reveal me and eliminate me. Because I had been marked down for a transgression previously due to acting on my arrogant disposition and causing disruption and disturbances to the church’s work, I worried that if I was marked for another transgression, I would run the risk of being eliminated, and thus I lived in a state of guardedness and misunderstanding of God. So, when my leader assigned me to supervise the church’s cleansing work, I worried that I’d make mistakes in my judgments of people. If I mistakenly did wrong by a good person or allowed an evil person or antichrist to remain in the church, thereby saddling the church with a lurking danger, that would be considered a major transgression and I would likely be eliminated. Given these considerations, I made excuses to pass off and reject the assignment. As I reflected on this now, I saw that if I hadn’t had that experience of being dismissed, I never would have realized that I had such an arrogant disposition, much less would I have realized that I didn’t seek the truth and acted according to my own will in my work and was walking the path of an antichrist. It was God’s timely chastening and discipline that led me to reflect on myself and took me off the mistaken path I was walking. If not for God’s actions, who knows what terrible evil I might commit while controlled by my arrogant and conceited nature. Despite the fact that I did suffer a bit as a result of being dismissed, the dismissal was really God’s way of protecting and saving me and it was imbued with His earnest intentions. This failure left a deep impression on me: It showed me the severity of the consequences of acting by my arrogant disposition and allowed me to experience how God’s righteous disposition brooks no offense. Going forward in my duty, I reminded myself not to let my arrogant disposition dictate my actions but to harbor a God-fearing heart. When I encountered issues, I should ask for suggestions from others and seek the truth principles to avoid making big mistakes. God’s disposition is righteous and good, and His love and salvation are practical and real without the slightest falsity. As long as I reflected on myself and made realizations, God would give me chances to practice, but I was always speculating about God, putting my guard up against Him and believing He would be as petty and inconsiderate as a mere human, lacking fairness and righteousness. I thought that God was just using this duty to reveal and eliminate me—was I not slandering God? How deceitful I was! God likes honest people, and honest people can accept and practice the truth. As for me, my deceitful disposition compelled me to be suspicious of God and put up my guard against Him. I repeatedly passed off duties assigned to me and was unable to fulfill my responsibilities and duty with an open and honest heart. If I kept on in that way, wouldn’t I do myself in? Realizing this, I felt quite regretful and quietly prayed to God, willing to cherish the opportunity to do my duty, rely on God to do the cleansing work well and stop being resistant to and rejecting the assignment.

Going forward, I began carrying out cleansing work in the church. One day, one of the expulsion cases caught my attention. The candidate for expulsion was Ms. Li, who had previously served as my host. She had always served as a host and I had even envied her for doing a less important duty because I thought she would be less likely to commit a major transgression—practicing faith in that way would be less risky. However, reality disproved my notion—despite not doing an important duty, Ms. Li’s arrogant disposition had never changed and she had even been using and manipulating her daughter who was a church leader in a vain attempt to exert control over the church, which had brought chaos to the church. It also occurred to me that most of the people who had been revealed as disbelievers and evil people had not been doing an important duty, but had ultimately been eliminated due to not pursuing the truth, acting recklessly and wantonly in accord with their satanic disposition, failing to repent, and committing all kinds of acts of evil. I was quite struck by this realization and later on, I came across this passage of God’s words: “Some people think, ‘Anyone who leads is foolish and ignorant and is bringing about their own destruction, because acting as a leader inevitably makes people reveal corruption for God to see. Would there be so much corruption revealed if they didn’t do this work?’ What an absurd idea! If you don’t act as a leader, will you not reveal corruption? Does not being a leader, even if you show less corruption, mean that you have attained salvation? According to this argument, are all those who do not serve as leaders the ones who can survive and be saved? Isn’t this statement too ridiculous? People who serve as leaders guide God’s chosen people to eat and drink the word of God and to experience God’s work. This requirement and standard is high, so it is inevitable that leaders will reveal some corrupt states when they first begin training. This is normal, and God does not condemn it. God not only does not condemn it, but He also enlightens, illuminates, and guides these people, and places extra burdens on them. As long as they can submit to God’s guidance and work, they will progress faster in life than ordinary people. If they are people who pursue the truth, they can embark on the path of being made perfect by God. This is the thing that is most blessed by God. Some people can’t see this, and they distort the facts. According to human understanding, no matter how much a leader changes, God will not care; He will only look at how much corruption leaders and workers reveal, and only condemn them based on this. And for those who are not leaders and workers, because they reveal little corruption, even if they do not change, God will not condemn them. Isn’t this absurd? Isn’t it blasphemy against God? If you resist God so seriously in your heart, can you be saved? You cannot be saved. God determines people’s outcomes mainly based on whether they have the truth and true testimony, and it mainly depends on whether they are people who pursue the truth. If they do pursue the truth, and they can truly repent after they are judged and chastised for committing a transgression, then as long as they do not say words or do things that blaspheme God, they will surely be capable of attaining salvation. According to your imaginings, all ordinary believers who follow God to the end can achieve salvation, and those who serve as leaders must all be eliminated. If you were asked to be a leader, you’d think that it would not be okay not to do it, but that if you were to serve as a leader, you would involuntarily reveal corruption, and that would be just like sending yourself to the guillotine. Isn’t this all caused by your misunderstandings about God? If people’s outcomes were determined based on the corruption that they reveal, no one could be saved. In that case, what would be the point of God doing the work of salvation? If this truly were the case, where would the righteousness of God be? Mankind would be unable to see God’s righteous disposition. Therefore, you have all misunderstood God’s intentions, which shows that you do not have true knowledge of God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). Through God’s words I learned that God doesn’t determine people’s outcomes based upon what duty they do or how much corruption they’ve revealed, but rather based upon whether or not they pursue the truth and focus on resolving their corrupt disposition after revealing corruption. God saves those that have been corrupted by Satan; if God determined people’s outcomes based upon what corruption they revealed, then we would all be eliminated. Who would be able to attain salvation then? This belief of mine was just too ridiculous. I realized that even though leaders and supervisors often have their corruption and deficiencies revealed, as long as they pursue the truth, often reflect upon themselves and seek the truth to resolve their issues, they will come to understand more and more truth and their life entry will proceed ever more quickly. I thought about how those false leaders and antichrists who had been revealed and eliminated did not meet that fate because they were serving as leaders and supervisors, but rather because they were all averse to the truth, consistently sought after reputation and status, committed acts of evil that disturbed church work and failed to repent even after being pruned on many occasions. It also occurred to me that the reason I had been dismissed previously from my duty as a leader was also because I didn’t pursue the truth and didn’t walk the right path—it had nothing to do with my doing an important duty. Yet, I failed to understand this fact, didn’t reflect on the root cause of my fall and failure, didn’t derive lessons that I could be aware of going forward, and instead used a fallacious viewpoint to speculate about and evaluate God. Was this not blasphemous toward God? I thought of Peter, who relished God’s judgment and chastisement. He felt panicked and unsettled if God’s judgment and chastisement left his side and felt he could no longer go on living. I saw that Peter loved the truth with all his heart, yearned for positive things, and cherished God’s judgment, chastisement, chastening and discipline. Within that environment, he was able to reflect on his deficiencies and weaknesses and seek the truth and pursue transformation. As for me, after failing and being revealed, I sunk into a state of guardedness, misunderstanding, negativity and resistance. I was afraid that if I took on another important duty, I would be revealed again, and so I repeatedly turned down assignments. I saw that I was truly averse to the truth. I always desired to conceal my corrupt disposition, but in so doing, I was unable to gain self-knowledge, much less was I able to seek the truth to resolve my issues in a timely manner. Ultimately, I would just lose my chance at salvation as my disposition would never transform. I found some paths of practice through the experiences of Peter: When I revealed corruption, I should focus on knowing myself and seeking the truth to resolve it, and I should also take lessons from the failures of others to serve as a warning to myself.

In August of 2021, I was selected by my brothers and sisters to serve as a church leader. I still had my reservations about taking the assignment, so I prayed to God: “Oh God, I want to take on this duty and contribute my part, but I can’t help but worry. Please guide and direct me.” After prayer, I thought of how while eating and drinking God’s words, I learned that God’s purpose in having people do duties is not to eliminate them, but rather to allow them to seek the truth, achieve dispositional transformation and attain salvation in the course of their duties. It also occurred to me that the church was currently split up, and many hands were needed for church work—at that crucial moment, I couldn’t only consider my own personal interests. It would show an incredible lack of humanity to reject my assignment again! I had to consider God’s intention and do the duty that I ought to do. Later on, I kept wondering, “Why did I become timid and afraid whenever I was assigned an important duty? What improper intentions lay behind this?” In the midst of my seeking, I came upon this passage of God’s words: “Antichrists never obey the arrangements of God’s house, and they always closely link their duty, fame, gain, and status with their hope of gaining blessings and their future destination, as if once their reputation and status are lost, they have no hope of gaining blessings and rewards, and this feels like losing their lives to them. They think, ‘I have to be careful, I mustn’t be careless! God’s house, the brothers and sisters, the leaders and workers, and even god can’t be relied upon. I can’t trust any of them. The person you can rely on most and who is most worthy of trust is yourself. If you’re not making plans for yourself, then who is going to care about you? Who is going to consider your future? Who is going to consider whether or not you’re going to receive blessings? Therefore, I have to make careful plans and calculations for my own sake. I can’t make mistakes or be even slightly careless, otherwise, what will I do if somebody tries to take advantage of me?’ Therefore, they guard themselves against the leaders and workers of God’s house, fearing that somebody will discern or see through them, and that they’ll then be dismissed and their dream of blessings will be spoiled. They think they must maintain their reputation and status in order for them to have hope of gaining blessings. An antichrist sees being blessed as greater than the heavens, greater than life, more important than pursuing the truth, dispositional change, or personal salvation, and more important than doing their duty well, and being a created being that is up to standard. They think that being a created being that is up to standard, doing their duty well and being saved are all paltry things that are hardly worth mentioning or remarking on, while gaining blessings is the only thing in their entire life that can never be forgotten. In whatever they encounter, no matter how great or small, they relate it to being blessed, and are incredibly cautious and attentive, and they always leave a way out for themselves. So when their duty is adjusted, if it is a promotion, an antichrist will think they have hope of being blessed. If it is a demotion, from team leader to assistant team leader, or from assistant team leader to a regular group member, they predict this to be a major problem and they think their hope of gaining blessings is slim. What sort of outlook is it? Is it a proper outlook? Absolutely not. This view is absurd!” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Twelve: They Want to Withdraw When They Have No Status and No Hope of Gaining Blessings). God’s words exposed how antichrists only believe in God in order to gain blessings, take their own interests as the top priority in their duty and see the attainment of blessings as of upmost importance. Reflecting on my own behavior, I saw that I had been just like an antichrist. I didn’t ponder how to best do my duty as a created being and instead prioritized gaining blessings. In my duty, I was always timid and cautious, forever worried that if I slipped up and was marked for a transgression, I’d lose my chance to gain blessings. I realized that my behaviors were a result of satanic philosophies like “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost” and “Seek not merit, but to avoid blame” becoming deeply rooted in my heart and functioning as my life principles. I just believed that people should live for themselves and it was right and proper to believe in God in order to gain blessings. When the church required me to perform my duties, I repeatedly weighed which duty would most allow me to gain blessings while at the same time not risk revealing my deficiencies and corruption and avoid being put in a situation where I may make any big mistakes. I was only willing to do a duty that satisfied these conditions. By contrast, I resisted and rejected any duty that wouldn’t allow me to gain blessings. Gaining blessings dominated every aspect of my performance of my duty, and I was very picky about what duties I’d accept—I didn’t consider the church’s work in the slightest. Where was my submission and loyalty to God? I lived by satanic philosophies for worldly dealings, always seeking to get something in return from God and rejecting my assigned duty for the sake of my prospects and destination. Wasn’t I betraying God? The more I reflected, the more I felt my intentions in believing in God were indeed quite despicable. If I didn’t resolve this issue, it would become a stumbling block that would prevent me from setting foot on the right track of belief in God. Indeed, if I continued on like that and my life disposition did not transform, God would become disgusted with me and I would ultimately be eliminated. I thought of Paul, who spent his whole life expending himself for God just to be crowned and rewarded. In the course of his work, he did not pursue the truth or dispositional transformation, and despite working for many years, his satanic disposition remained untouched. Ultimately, he was punished by God for resisting Him. I was walking along the same path as Paul and if I didn’t repent, God would become disgusted with me for not pursuing the truth and I would be eliminated! I knelt before God and prayed to Him: “Oh God, I’ve only now realized how selfish and despicable I have been. Ever since I entered the faith, I’ve only sought blessings. I do not want to keep walking down this mistaken path. I just want to do my duty well and walk the path of pursuing the truth.”

Later, I came across a passage of God’s words, which helped me better understand the meaning and value of doing one’s duties. Almighty God says: “Regardless of what duty one performs, it is the most proper thing they could do, the most beautiful and just thing among humankind. As created beings, people ought to perform their duty, and only then can they receive the approval of the Creator. Created beings live under the Creator’s dominion, and they accept all that is provided by God and everything that comes from God, so they should fulfill their responsibilities and obligations. This is perfectly natural and justified, and was ordained by God. From this it can be seen that, for people to perform the duty of a created being is more just, beautiful, and noble than anything else done while living on earth; nothing among humankind is more meaningful or worthy, and nothing brings greater meaning and worth to the life of a created person, than performing the duty of a created being. On earth, only the group of people who truly and sincerely perform the duty of a created being are those who submit to the Creator. This group does not follow worldly trends; they submit to the leadership and guidance of God, only listen to the words of the Creator, accept the truths expressed by the Creator, and live by the words of the Creator. This is the truest, most resounding testimony, and it is the best testimony of belief in God. For a created being to be able to fulfill the duty of a created being, to be able to satisfy the Creator, is the most beautiful thing among humankind, and is something that should be spread as a tale to be praised by all people. Anything the Creator entrusts to created beings should be unconditionally accepted by them; for humankind, this is a matter of both happiness and privilege, and for all those who fulfill the duty of a created being, nothing is more beautiful or worthy of commemoration—it is something positive. … As a created being, when one comes before the Creator, they ought to perform their duty. This is a very proper thing to do, and they should fulfill this responsibility. On the basis that created beings perform their duties, the Creator has done even greater work among humankind, and He has carried out a further stage of work on people. And what work is that? He provides humankind with the truth, allowing them to gain the truth from Him as they perform their duties and thereby to cast off their corrupt dispositions and be purified. Thus, they come to satisfy God’s intentions and embark on the right path in life, and, ultimately, they are able to fear God and shun evil, attain complete salvation, and no longer be subjected to Satan’s afflictions. This is the effect that God would have humankind achieve in the end by performing their duties” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Seven)). Indeed, just as children have an obligation and responsibility to be filial to their parents, so do created beings have a responsibility to perform their duties. There should be no transactional exchange involved in doing one’s duty at all. I’m a created being, and God has given me life, bestowed me with all that I need and gracefully allowed me to come before Him to receive the supply of His words and perform a duty—this is a mark of God’s love and mercy. God hopes that I will seek the truth and pursue life entry in the course of my duty. He wishes that through the situations He orchestrates for me, I will reflect on myself, gain self-knowledge, resolve my corrupt disposition, set foot on the path of fearing God and shunning evil, cast off my corruption, and attain His salvation. I had to cast aside my intention and desire to gain blessings, give my heart to God, and candidly fulfill my responsibilities and duties to comfort God’s heart. After that, I felt much more liberated in my duty; though I still felt guarded and misunderstood God at times, I started consciously seeking the truth, rebelling against myself, prioritizing the interests of the church, doing my duty according to the truth principles, and refraining from being timid and cautious. Once I began practicing in that fashion, I felt much more peaceful and at ease.

Thinking back on this whole experience, be it my time working as a leader or being dismissed, I realized that God had meticulously orchestrated all of these situations to allow me to gain self-knowledge and cast off my corruption. It was the enlightenment and illumination of God’s words that allowed me to recognize my fallacious views and corruption and impurity in my duty, gain an understanding of God’s earnest intention to save mankind, and finally break free from my misunderstanding and guardedness.