232 God Has Waited So Long
Who knows how long You have waited for man to turn back to You? And who has an inkling of how painstaking is the price You have paid for humanity? Who can fathom the vastness of Your mercy? And who can appreciate the goodness and beauty of Your heart?
1 Despite believing in You for so many years, I had never pursued the truth. Though I appeared to follow You, my heart was not Yours. I always cheated You in prayers, praising You only in word. Being able to do a little work made me feel quite pleased and take all the glory upon myself. I stood before You, yet never knew You, nor did I ever learn what the truth and the life were. I cared only about equipping myself with doctrines, and never practiced or experienced Your words. Understanding a smattering of letters and doctrines made me think the world of myself.
2 Your love came to me quietly: You chastened, disciplined, pruned, and dealt with me. The judgment of Your words uncovered the mask of my hypocrisy. I did not suffer and expend myself to repay Your love, but only worked for my own outcome and final destination. I saw how utterly corrupt I was; I was so deceitful and deplorable. When I was exposed in a trial, I misunderstood You, and I wept and despaired in pain. I had never appreciated Your good intentions; I was without conscience and reason. Being so rebellious, how could I be worthy of being called human?
3 Your love was like a warm current that melted my hardened heart. Though the trials and refinement were painful, they were meant to cleanse me of my corruption; now that I understand Your will, my heart has turned back to You, and I am shedding tears of regret. I hate myself for having been so rebellious and ignorant, and for not heeding Your will. Even so, You are always watching and waiting, and doing Your utmost to save me. Your heart is so beautiful and good; I wish to pursue the truth and enter into reality. I am resolved to be a new person and do my duty to bring You comfort.
I have seen how amiable and lovable You are. Only You are worthy of man’s love. I won’t make You wait any longer; I will dedicate my true heart to You. I ask only that I may love You, that I will have no more regrets. I ask only that I may love You, that I can be compatible with You.