212 A Heartfelt Repentance
1 In a sleepless night, scene after scene of memories come to mind. For so many years of believing in the Lord, I continued to follow worldly trends; I kept living in sin, engaged in debauchery, and reveled in the pleasures of the flesh. I thought that if I worked hard enough, I would not be forsaken by the Lord. Then I heard God’s voice, and recognized that the Lord had appeared. I thought that being raised before Him guaranteed me a part in the kingdom of heaven. Never did I accept the judgment and revelation of God’s words or reflect upon myself; I followed my desires and acted willfully, treated His utterances with contempt. Fellowshiping about God’s words, I only spoke of doctrine, yet I felt I did well. When pruned and dealt with, I resisted and made excuses; when beset by trials, I always wanted to flee. I did not recognize God’s salvation. Now, I see that I was not seeking the truth at all. I had strayed far from God’s words, and fallen into boundless darkness. Unable to sense God’s presence, I am filled with fear and unease. With dread and trepidation, I bow down before God, afraid of losing Him. I read God’s words and pray to God, longing for His mercy.
2 Oh God! Can You hear my heart crying out in repentance? How dark and painful the loss of Your presence has been! Without Your words, my heart knows no light; I live within a corrupt disposition, and Satan toys with me. Oh God! I wish to repent, and to begin anew. I hope You will judge and chastise me more. Even if the harsher trials and refinement come, as long as I may live before You, I can suffer anything. I am so deeply corrupted; I cannot be purified without Your judgment. It is only judgment that can save me from Satan. Oh God! I have tasted of the fact that judgment and chastisement are love. Your words are the truth; only You can save me. I wish to cherish Your words and live my life by them; I will never again fail to live up to Your love and painstaking efforts. I will practice the truth and live out a human likeness, bearing witness to Your love!