221 A New Start as a Person

1 Thinking of my faith in God in the past, I feel such debt in my heart. Because I didn’t pursue the truth, I’m left with so many regrets. God lifted me up to do my duty, but I didn’t know to be considerate of His will. I worked and preached solely to compete with others. I enjoyed being looked up to and idolized by others. I served God in name, but in reality I was establishing myself. God’s words alerted me and warned me, but I paid no heed. Unyielding, I rushed about only for the sake of rewards, for a crown. My struggle for name and status was repulsive to God.

2 God hid His face and I fell into darkness, with nowhere to turn. Like a walking corpse, I lived through days that felt like years. Amid trials, I accepted God’s judgment and reflected on myself, only then realizing I was so arrogant that I had lost all reason. I was without the truth and I showed myself off—it’s so shameful! God should curse my nature, like that of the archangel. Trembling with fear, I fell before God in such remorse. So rebellious and defiant to God, how could I be worthy of being called human? I wished to accept God’s judgment and achieve a change in my disposition.

3 Through God’s judgment, I have come to know God’s disposition is righteous. In my heart, I revere and obey God, and I live out a measure of human likeness. Now, I finally know that without a change in disposition, I’m unworthy to serve God. I give thanks to God’s timely judgment that brought me under His protection. Now I have tasted of God’s love, which is so true and so real. Oh God, I will never again rebel against You or cause You grief. I wish only to cherish these final hours and become a new person, not to seek the esteem of others, but only to satisfy Your will, to live by Your words and exalt You and testify to You in all things.

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