219 Oh God! I Truly Don’t Deserve Your Love
1 I’ve done many things that I can’t bear to recall. I idled away so much time, and so many feelings of regret and indebtedness are welling up in my heart. I always expected rewards for suffering and expending myself for God. When those desires for blessings were thwarted, I thought of leaving Him, but His love was still vivid in my mind and difficult to forget. God’s words struck at my heart, step by step leading me out of backsliding and negativity. When adversity threatened, I was afraid, timid, and cowed. In my weakness and negativity, I again thought of leaving God. His words split my heart like a two-edged sword, leaving me nowhere to hide my shame.
2 I used to rush about seeking fame, fortune, and status, unable to resist Satan’s temptations. Several times I worried and hesitated, and lost my direction in life. I struggled painfully in sin, not knowing to turn back. Oh God! I am so rebellious and have broken Your heart. With this much corruption, I truly do not deserve Your salvation. Oh God! It is Your word that always leads and guides me, else I’d fall into temptation and struggle to take the tiniest step. Oh God! I will never again be negative or backslide. Do not abandon me; I cannot live without You. Oh God! I pray for Your chastisement, judgment, and refinement, that my corruption can be cleansed and I can live out a human likeness.