196 Oh God! I Truly Don’t Deserve Your Love

1 I have done many things that I can’t bear to recall. I idled away so much time. So much remorse and feelings of indebtedness well up in my heart. I always demanded rewards when I suffered expending myself for God. When my desire to receive blessings was thwarted, I thought of leaving God, but His love was still vivid in my mind and was too much to forget. God’s words struck my heart, leading me away from backsliding and negativity one step at a time. When adversity threatened, I was afraid, timid and cowed. I was weak and negative and again I thought of leaving God. His words split my heart like a sharp two-edged sword, leaving me nowhere to hide my shame.

2 I once rushed about seeking fame, fortune and status, unable to resist Satan’s temptation. Several times I was worried, hesitated and lost my direction in life. I struggled painfully in sin, not knowing to turn back. Oh God! This is who I am! This is who I am! So corrupt, I truly don’t deserve Your salvation. Oh God! It’s Your word that always leads me and guides me, else I’d fall into temptation and struggle to take the tiniest step. Oh God! I will never again be negative or fall back. Do not abandon me, I can’t live without You. Oh God! I pray that You give me Your chastisement, judgment and refinement, so that my corruption can be cleansed, and I can live like a human.

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