238 God’s Judgment Is So Precious
1 Having believed in God for many years, and being able to preach many spiritual doctrines, I thought I understood the truth and had gained the reality of the truth. Having been somewhat effective in performing my duty, I showed off and flaunted myself. I was single-minded in my pursuit of status and reputation, and often compared myself to others. Though I made sacrifices, and expended myself, and worked and suffered, I did it all in order to be blessed and to receive the crown. I swallowed the humiliation and bore the heavy burden for the sake of my own prestige and status, yet still believed myself faithful to God. On the outside, I was modest and patient, but my nature was extraordinarily arrogant and self-righteous. Today, only by experiencing the judgment and chastisement of God have I awakened to the fact that, despite years of belief in God, my disposition has remained unchanged, and I am still of Satan.
2 Exposed by trials, I realized how profound was my corruption: I prized status and authority, and emulated Paul in walking the path of opposition to God, often delighting in the admiration and approval of others, always wishing to be a leader who could lord above others—how arrogant and senseless I was. God’s words pierced my satanic nature like a two-edged sword: If I always wished to wield the power of a king and control others, how was I any different from Satan? God’s disposition is righteous, holy, and unoffendable by any man. I bowed, trembling with fear, before God and confessed my sins in repentance. God’s judgment cleansed and saved me. I had a taste of just how real the love of God is.
3 Only after experiencing judgment did I come to understand that nothing is more meaningful than believing in God and gaining the truth. Status and reputation are empty, and can only lead man into further degradation. It is God’s judgment and chastisement that has checked my evil steps; I have gained the illumination and judgment of God’s words and become more hateful of the extent of my own corruption. I have come to appreciate that there is no greater love and protection for me than God’s judgment. I have beheld how precious the truth is; it can cleanse and perfect man, and even if I suffer the utmost pain and refinement, still I will follow Christ to the very end. No matter how great the pain—even till my last breath—I will still perform my duty and bring glory unto God. Only God’s love is the most real, and I shall forever give thanks to and praise God.