193 God’s Words Raise Me Anew
1 I had believed in the Lord for many years, and throughout, I lied, sinned, and confessed my sins, never escaping the bonds of sin. Expending myself and suffering for the Lord, I thought myself entitled to be raised into heaven when He came. Yet after hearing the voice of God, I blindly passed judgment, I did not seek or investigate, I followed the pastors in using the words and phrases of the Bible to pass judgment on and condemn the incarnation of God. Insensibly, I fell into darkness and almost missed the chance to be raptured before the disasters. Time after time, God dispatched people to preach the gospel to me, and they finally opened the door to my heart: After reading many of Almighty God’s words, I was awakened—this was the voice of God. My heart was beset by remorse and I was too ashamed to look upon the face of God; I was truly unfit to enjoy such great love from God.
2 I had been raised up by God to perform my duty, yet I did not pursue the truth, I coveted the blessings of status, and did not strive to have any real effect in performing my duty. I sleepwalked my way through my duty feeling very smug, always preaching words and doctrines and showing off, duping others into lifting me upon high and venerating me. Whenever an issue arose, I did not discuss it with others; I always wanted the final say, and I resisted God without being aware of it. God uses words to sternly deal with and expose people, yet I tried to talk my way out of His judgment. My mulish rebelliousness against God broke His heart, and I missed so many opportunities to be made perfect. Even today, I have yet to enter the reality of the truth. What can I use to repay God’s love and bear testimony to God? O God, I wish to repent and begin anew, and pursue the truth. I wish to do it all over again.
3 God’s words judged me like a blade to my heart, and I saw how profoundly I had been corrupted. I resembled nothing human. I was so arrogant that I lacked any shred of reason, or any fear and obedience toward God. My disposition had not changed, I was still of Satan, I was truly of the kind that resists God. Only after repeated judgment was I awakened; only then was there repentance and self-loathing in my heart. Amid pain, God’s words comforted and encouraged me, enabling me to stand up once more from my fallen state. I wish to be faithful and obedient to repay God’s love, and to practice the truth and perform the duty of man. Thanks be to God for judging and cleansing my corruption. I have experienced just how great His love is—O God! I wish to pursue the truth well, to live out a new image and bring comfort to Your heart.