1 I swore many times to give up everything and follow the Lord, but I could not break free of the temptations of wealth and fame. I truly felt it was an honor to suffer to spread the gospel and bear witness to the Lord, but I felt aggrieved and ashamed when facing oppression and tribulations. I often resolved to follow the Lord’s commandments and love others as myself, but I schemed and vied for status with co-workers, living in sin. So many times I fasted and prayed before the Lord, earnestly calling out: Oh Lord! When will You come back and save me from the abyss of sin? When can I be purified and enter the kingdom of heaven with You?
2 In my daze I hear Almighty God’s voice knocking at my heart’s door. All of His words pierce my heart like a sharp sword, revealing the truth of my corruption. I believed in the Lord just to gain blessings and enter the kingdom of heaven, I was just doing deals with the Lord. I enjoyed His grace but didn’t think of repaying His love. Where is my conscience or reason? I talked about bearing witness to the Lord but instead I worked for status; I deceived the Lord. I thought I truly changed because I did some good deeds. Encountering trials I complained in my heart while believing I was standing witness. I lived in sin, sinning and confessing every day, but I still longed to enter the kingdom of heaven. Seeing God’s righteousness and holiness, I have nowhere to hide my shame, and I prostrate myself.
3 Undergoing God’s judgment and chastisement is like undergoing the refinement of the lake of fire. I have been arrogant and rebellious so many times, God has chastened and disciplined me harshly. When I insist on my way, the Holy Spirit turns away from me and I live in darkness. I’ve been stubborn and disobedient so many times, always wanting to escape God’s judgment. God’s words enlighten and guide me to understand His work. All God’s judgment reveals to man is truth and righteousness. Believing in God but not obeying His judgment, how could I know God or gain the truth? Without pursuing the truth, how could I escape from Satan’s influence? Through trials I have seen that judgment and chastisement truly is God’s love. God’s judgment has saved me and I live out a true human likeness.