206 I’ll Never Leave God Again
1 After I became a believer in God, I sought riches, turning my back on Him to return to the world. I spent my days rushing about for the flesh, exhausting both mind and body. In those days without God, suffering was my companion. I had fallen into darkness, and my heart was filled with terror. Only after God’s strict chastening and discipline did I begin to reflect upon myself. I had never followed Him in earnest; I had never treasured His words. Turning my back on faith and righteousness, I broke God’s heart. I asked myself: Where is my conscience? I had no reverence for God; despite having violated His disposition, I remained oblivious.
2 Through His judgment and chastisement, I gained a clear view of my God-betraying nature. I bowed down before Him, overcome with remorse, full of guilt and shame. My stubbornness and rebelliousness had hurt God through and through; how could I erase from my heart all the shameful things I had done? It was His mercy and lovingkindness that gave me the chance to repent, allowing me to return to His house and perform my duty once more. Tasting of God’s sincere love, I gained a greater sense of just how much I owed Him. I felt that there was righteousness and majesty in His disposition, as well as mercy and lovingkindness. I gave myself a new goal: to begin anew, repay God’s love, and bear testimony to Him.