By Song Wen, China

At the end of May 2023, the churches I was responsible for faced arrests from the CCP, and the books of God’s words needed to be transferred quickly. After the upper leadership learned about this, they instructed me and Sister Song En to urgently coordinate the transfer of the books. However, during the transfer, we were being surveilled by the police, and the police seized all the books. When I heard the news, I couldn’t believe it and I felt like I’d fallen into a pit of despair. As a church leader, I’d failed to protect the books of God’s words and caused a huge loss. This was an absolute disaster. I was dumbfounded. While I was worried about being dismissed, I was even more concerned that I might lose the chance to do my duties altogether, and if that happened, wouldn’t I completely lose my chance for salvation? Just thinking about it made my heart lurch with anxiety. I’d often sigh in despair, and when I thought about how great a transgression I’d committed, I’d feel really negative, and only forced myself to do my duties. One day, while chatting with Sister Song En, we talked about Ye Qian’s neglect of her duty while she was a leader, which had led to many books of God’s words being seized by the police and to her being cleared out. My thoughts became even heavier, as I thought about how I was also a church leader, who was directly responsible for the transfer of the books, and so I undoubtedly had the largest responsibility for all this. It seemed certain that I was going to be dismissed. If I had known this day would come, I would have preferred not to have been made a leader so I wouldn’t have to bear such a weighty responsibility. During that period of time, whenever I thought about this, I felt despondent, and I found myself constantly filled with a sense of desolation. Although I didn’t appear to give up, just thinking about possibly being dismissed made me lose my sense of burden for my duties, and I ended up just going through the motions.

By mid-July, the upper leadership had looked into the situation regarding the seized books, and said it was a special circumstance that we couldn’t have anticipated, and that it wasn’t caused by human error, so they didn’t hold us accountable for this, and just reminded us to be earnest in summarizing our experiences and the lessons we learned and diligently do our duties moving forward. Although I knew I should cherish my duty, I still thought, “This was an unexpected incident, and they didn’t hold me responsible, but being a leader involves a lot of work, and carries huge responsibilities. If I mishandle issues in the future and cause significant losses, I might be dismissed at the very least, or at worst, cleared out. That’d mean I’d lose all hope of salvation.” With this in mind, I wanted to switch to a duty that carried less responsibility and give up my leadership role. But I knew that in giving up my duty, I would be betraying God, and that this was an even worse problem. Thinking rationally, I forced myself to submit and continue cooperating. At the beginning of August, during the church election for preachers, I heard that some brothers and sisters wanted to nominate me and Sister Gu Nan, and my heart suddenly sank, and my worries surged, “I’m already responsible for one church, and this involves taking on a lot of responsibility. If I’m elected as a preacher and made to supervise multiple churches, wouldn’t that involve even greater responsibility and danger? What if I don’t do the work well and cause significant losses? If I’m cleared out because of this, wouldn’t I have no good outcome and destination?” With this in mind, I was terrified of being elected. I realized that not addressing my state was dangerous and affecting my performance of my duty, so I began to seek answers in God’s words.

One day during my devotionals, I came across a passage of God’s words: “You came to do your duty. No matter how hard you work, or how much you suffer, or how much you are pruned, you should thank God. God gave you this opportunity so that you could experience all manner of different situations and come to have all kinds of personal experiences and encounters. This is a good thing, and it is all done so you can understand the truth. So, what are you worried about? Who are you guarding against? There’s no need to be like that. Just pursue the truth normally, find your correct place, and do your duty and the work that falls to you well, and that’s enough. This is not much to ask of you” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Seven: They Are Wicked, Insidious, and Deceitful (Part Two)). “Don’t keep thinking about leaving, you need to single-mindedly put down roots here and do your duty well. No matter whether you can do your duty well or not, at least put your heart into it, and make sure that you’ve completed all of your tasks in the end. Don’t be a deserter. Some people say, ‘My caliber is poor, I’m not very educated and I have no talent. I have faults in my personality and I always encounter difficulties in my duty. What will I do if I can’t do my duty well and get replaced?’ What are you afraid of? Can this work be completed by you alone? You’ve just taken on a role, you’re not being asked to take on the whole thing. Just take on the things you ought to do, that’s enough. Won’t you then have fulfilled your responsibilities? It’s so simple; why are you always so wary? You’re afraid that falling leaves will hit your head and crack it open, and you think about your own contingency plans first and foremost—isn’t this good for nothing? What does ‘good for nothing’ mean? It means not trying to make progress, not being willing to give it your all, always wanting to get a free meal ticket and enjoy good things—people like this are trash. Some people are too small-minded. How can we describe such people? (They are extremely petty.) An extremely petty person is a vile person, and any vile person can measure the character of a gentleman by their own vile standards and regard others to be just as selfish and despicable as themselves. These people are good-for-nothings, and even if they believe in God, it won’t be easy for them to accept the truth. What causes a person to have too little faith? It is caused by them not understanding the truth. If you understand too few truths and your understanding of them is too shallow, and you consequently cannot understand every work God undertakes, everything God does, and every requirement God has of you, if you cannot attain this understanding, then all kinds of suspicions, imaginings, misunderstandings, and notions will arise in you regarding God. If your heart is filled with nothing but these things, can you have true faith in God? You have no true faith in God, and that’s why you always feel uneasy, and worry about not knowing when you might be replaced. You feel afraid and think, ‘God could come here at any time to carry out an inspection.’ Just relax. As long as you do the work God’s house entrusts to you well, then even if you’re somewhat lacking in your pursuit of the truth and life entry, I’ll let it slide” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Seven: They Are Wicked, Insidious, and Deceitful (Part Two)). After reading God’s words, I felt deeply touched, as if God was speaking directly to me. I felt an indescribable feeling of being touched to my core. God scrutinizes every thought and idea of mine, and He knew that I didn’t understand the principles of how the church handles people, and that I was always being guarded and misunderstanding, so He used His words to enlighten and guide me, earnestly telling me not to worry or be afraid, and that His house handles people with principles, and won’t arbitrarily clear out any genuine believer performing their duties. God encourages us not to be afraid to take on responsibilities, and to face each day’s situations calmly, seeking the truth to understand His intentions. God’s requirements for me aren’t high. He just hopes that I can shoulder the responsibilities I ought to and be loyal in my duty, and be an honest person with humanity. God doesn’t want me to live in fear and anxiety, feeling disturbed. But I was too deceitful, and after the incident of the books of God’s words being seized, I kept worrying that I would be dismissed, or even cleared out, and that I would lose my hope of having a good outcome and destination. Later, when God’s house didn’t hold me responsible, instead of being grateful for God’s mercy and doing my duties to repay His love, I became guarded and misunderstood Him, becoming more afraid of doing my leadership duties, and wanting to switch to a “safer” duty. Furthermore, during the church election for preachers, before I was even elected, I started worrying that with a greater scope of supervision, I would have greater responsibilities and be revealed more quickly, so I didn’t want to participate in the election. I kept suspecting and guarding against Him. I was being so deceitful!

Later, I continued to read God’s words to resolve my problems. I came across a passage of God’s words: “Some people are afraid of shouldering responsibility while performing their duty. If the church gives them a job to do, they will first consider whether the job requires them to shoulder responsibility, and if it does, they will not accept the job. Their conditions for performing a duty are, first, that it must be a slack job; second, that it is not busy or tiring; and third, that no matter what they do, they do not shoulder any responsibility. This is the only kind of duty they take on. What sort of a person is this? Is this not a slippery, deceitful person? They do not want to shoulder even the smallest amount of responsibility. They even fear that leaves will break their skull when they fall from trees. What duty can a person like this perform? What use could they have in the house of God? The work of the house of God has to do with the work of battling Satan, as well as spreading the kingdom gospel. What duty does not entail responsibilities? Would you say that being a leader carries responsibility? Are their responsibilities not all the greater, and must they not bear responsibility all the more? Regardless of whether you spread the gospel, testify, make videos, and so on—no matter what work you do—so long as it pertains to the truth principles, it carries with it responsibilities. If the performance of your duty is unprincipled, it will affect the work of God’s house, and if you are afraid of shouldering responsibility, then you cannot perform any duty. Is someone who fears taking on responsibility in performing their duty cowardly, or is there a problem with their disposition? You must be able to tell the difference. The fact is that this is not an issue of cowardice. If that person were after wealth, or they were doing something in their own interest, how could they be so brave? They would take on any risk. But when they do things for the church, for God’s house, they take on no risk at all. Such people are selfish and vile, the most treacherous of all. Anyone who does not take on responsibility in performing a duty is not the least bit sincere to God, to say nothing of their loyalty. What sort of person dares to take on responsibility? What sort of person has the courage to bear a heavy burden? Someone who takes the lead and goes bravely forth at the most crucial moment in the work of God’s house, who is not afraid to bear a heavy responsibility and endure great hardship when they see the work that is most important and crucial. That is someone loyal to God, a good soldier of Christ. Is it the case that everyone who fears taking on responsibility in their duty does so because they do not understand the truth? No; it is a problem in their humanity. They have no sense of justice or responsibility, they are selfish and vile people, not true-hearted believers in God, and they do not accept the truth in the least. For this reason, they cannot be saved. … If you protect yourself whenever something befalls you and leave yourself an escape route, a back door, are you putting the truth into practice? This is not practicing the truth—it is being sneaky. You are performing your duty in the house of God now. What is the first principle of performing a duty? It is that you must first perform that duty with your whole heart, sparing no effort, and protect the interests of God’s house. This is a truth principle, one that you should put into practice. Protecting oneself by leaving oneself an escape route, a back door, is the principle of practice followed by nonbelievers, and their most elevated philosophy. Considering oneself first in all things and placing one’s own interests before all else, not thinking of others, having no connection with the interests of God’s house and the interests of others, thinking of one’s own interests first and then thinking of an escape route—is that not what a nonbeliever is? This is precisely what a nonbeliever is. This sort of person is not fit to perform a duty” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Eight: They Would Have Others Submit Only to Them, Not the Truth or God (Part One)). God exposes that human nature is really selfish, despicable, deceitful, and treacherous, that regardless of the duty, people consider their own interests first, and that they are willing to take on responsibilities for tasks that benefit them, but reluctant to take on tasks that bear responsibilities or risks. Reflecting on myself in light of God’s words, I saw that my behavior in this regard was particularly obvious. For example, when the books of God’s words were seized, I didn’t think about how to compensate for the losses to the interests of God’s house, but instead, I regretted that if I’d known I’d have had to take on such a huge responsibility, I wouldn’t have taken on the leadership duty. Although I didn’t seem to be shirking my duties, I felt really despondent. It was just because I was afraid of betraying God and of having no good outcome or destination that I didn’t dare to give up my duties. I realized that I was being utterly selfish and despicable, not at all a person who loves God or is loyal to Him. Furthermore, after learning that God’s house wasn’t holding me responsible for these things, not only did I not cherish my duties, but I became even more guarded against God and misunderstood Him. I was like a startled bird, already thinking of shirking my duties before they’d even come upon me. I only had my own interests in mind, not considering at all whether my behaviors were in line with principles or what would happen to the church’s work. I was behaving just like a disbeliever. How could I expect to be saved believing like this? I was constantly guarded against God and unwilling to bear responsibilities, and had long since placed myself outside of God’s house. It wasn’t that God wanted to eliminate me, but rather that I was bringing about my own elimination. Thinking about this made me realize just how serious my problem was, so I silently prayed to God, “God, I’m constantly thinking about my own interests and trying to leave myself room to maneuver. I’ve been so deceitful. God, I now know I was wrong, and from now on, regardless of whether I’ll be elected as a preacher, I am willing to submit. Please guide me to reflect and know myself more deeply.”

Later, while watching an experiential testimony video, I came across a passage of God’s words, which gave me further understanding of my problems. Almighty God says: “Antichrists harbor these things in their hearts, all of which are misunderstandings, opposition, judgment, and resistance against God. They lack any knowledge of God’s work whatsoever. While prying into God’s words, prying into God’s disposition, identity, and essence, they come to such conclusions. Antichrists bury these things deep in their hearts, admonishing themselves: ‘Caution is the parent of safety; it’s best to fly under the radar; the bird that sticks its neck out is the one that gets shot; and it’s lonely at the top! No matter when, never be that bird sticking its head out, never climb too high; the higher you climb, the harder you fall.’ They do not believe that the words of God are the truth, and they do not believe that His disposition is righteous and holy. They regard all this through human notions and imaginings, and they approach the work of God with human perspectives, human thoughts, and human guile, employing the logic and thinking of Satan to delineate God’s disposition, identity, and essence. Obviously, not only do antichrists neither accept nor acknowledge God’s disposition, identity, and essence; on the contrary they are full of notions, opposition, and rebelliousness toward God and have not the least shred of real knowledge of Him. Antichrists’ definition of God’s work, God’s disposition, and God’s love is a question mark—dubiousness, and they are full of skepticism and full of denial and slander for it; so what, then, of His identity? God’s disposition represents His identity; with such a regard of God’s disposition as theirs, their regard of God’s identity is self-evident—direct denial. This is the essence of antichrists” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Ten: They Despise the Truth, Brazenly Flout Principles, and Ignore the Arrangements of God’s House (Part Six)). God exposes that antichrists deny the essence of God, and that they are filled with suspicions toward and deny and slander God. Antichrists don’t believe that God is righteous, nor that what God does for humanity is love and salvation. I also had a serious antichrist disposition. Just like after the books of God’s words were seized this time, I always lived in a state of negativity and worry, fearing that I would be cleared out of the church and have no good outcome or destination. Later, when I heard that Ye Qian had been cleared out for neglecting her duties and causing significant losses to God’s house, I felt that the duty of a preacher involved immense responsibilities, and I kept being guarded and misunderstanding, afraid of being chosen as a preacher, without ever even seeking the context or principles that God’s house applies when dealing with people. As I saw it, God’s house was just like the world of nonbelievers, lacking in fairness and righteousness, and the greater the duty I did, the greater the responsibility I bore, and therefore the more severe the consequences that would befall me if I mishandled situations. I lived by fallacious beliefs like, “It’s lonely at the top,” “The bigger they are, the harder they fall,” constantly second-guessing and guarding against God in every situation. This showed a lack of understanding of God’s righteous disposition and was a form of blasphemy against God. In reality, Ye Qian was cleared out mainly because she neglected her duty, as this had caused many books of God’s words to be seized by the CCP police, resulting in significant losses for God’s house. My not being dealt with this time was mainly because the church considered that the losses weren’t due to anyone being perfunctory or irresponsible, so nobody was held responsible for it. This showed that God’s house really assesses matters based on context and the reasons behind the losses when assigning responsibility. But I failed to seek the truth principles, and when I saw Ye Qian was cleared out, I misunderstood God, as if making a mistake in my duties and bringing about negative consequences would lead to my being cleared out and eliminated. My thoughts were all filled with doubt and denial of God’s righteousness. Even though I guarded against and misunderstood God, God didn’t focus on my shortcomings and corruption and still gave me the chance to perform my duties, using people, events, and things to remind me to reflect on and know myself so I could awaken and turn back in time, avoiding going further down the path of an antichrist. Thinking of this made me feel really guilty and indebted to God. I felt God’s sincere desire to save people and hated my own selfishness and deceitfulness even more. I no longer wanted to live in a state of being guarded and having misunderstanding, and if I was elected I was willing to accept this duty. Later, I was elected as a preacher, but I still felt somewhat worried, as I felt I didn’t grasp many of the principles and that my corrupt disposition was quite serious, and now that I was responsible for several churches, I felt that if I made a mistake and caused losses to the church’s work, I would lose my chance for a good outcome and destination. But by looking back on my experiences during this time, I realized that as long as I could accept the truth, even if I transgressed, as long as I sincerely repented, God wouldn’t condemn and eliminate me due to my momentary transgression. Understanding this, I became willing to put myself aside and submit, and accept this duty calmly.

Later, I read some more of God’s words: “Man’s performance of his duty is, in actuality, the accomplishment of all that is inherent within man, which is to say, that which is possible for man. It is then that his duty is fulfilled. The defects of man during his service are gradually reduced through progressive experience and the process of his undergoing judgment; they do not hinder or affect man’s duty. Those who cease to serve or yield and fall back for fear that there may be drawbacks to their service are the most cowardly of all. … There is no correlation between the duty of man and whether he receives blessings or suffers misfortune. Duty is what man ought to fulfill; it is his heaven-sent vocation, and should not depend on recompense, conditions, or reasons. Only then is he doing his duty. Receiving blessings refers to when someone is made perfect and enjoys God’s blessings after experiencing judgment. Suffering misfortune refers to when someone’s disposition does not change after they have experienced chastisement and judgment; they do not experience being made perfect but are punished. But regardless of whether they receive blessings or suffer misfortune, created beings should fulfill their duty, doing what they ought to do, and doing what they are able to do; this is the least that a person, a person who pursues God, should do. You should not do your duty only to receive blessings, and you should not refuse to act for fear of suffering misfortune. Let Me tell you this one thing: Man’s performance of his duty is what he ought to do, and if he is incapable of performing his duty, then this is his rebelliousness” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Difference Between the Ministry of God Incarnate and the Duty of Man). After reading God’s words, I realized that I was always afraid of taking on responsibilities, afraid of taking risks and being eliminated, and this was mainly because of my overwhelming desire for blessings, and because I always linked my duty to my outcome and destination. Through the exposure of God’s words, I understood that doing my duty has nothing to do with gaining blessings or suffering. Duties are the responsibilities of created beings, and these are the responsibilities and obligations that people should fulfill. In the course of our duties, we also come to know both ourselves and God, and gain the truth. Just like in this experience, I realized that a leadership duty comes with significant responsibilities, and handling aftermath work requires more than just urgency and speed, and it also requires one to act with principles, to have wisdom, and to pray and seek more. Additionally, through this revelation, I realized that I’d been truly selfish, despicable, deceitful, and treacherous, and when faced with situations, I always considered my own interests, walking the path of opposing God. All of this was gained through doing my duty. If I link my duty with gaining blessings or suffering, then when I encounter issues, I will hesitate and want to give up my duty, and this will lead me to miss many opportunities to gain the truth. That would truly be a case of not eating for fear of choking, anyone who does this is utterly foolish and cowardly. Having realized this, I no longer rejected my duty because of my shortcomings, and instead approached my duty with an honest heart. After that, I focused on identifying issues in my duties and on seeking the truth to resolve them. Although my understanding of the truth was shallow, I was able to make up for my shortcomings by talking things through with everyone. Sometimes, when faced with things I couldn’t understand, I brought these issues to the fore and sought solutions along with everyone, and when I was uncertain of something, I’d seek guidance from upper leadership. If we had any deviations, we’d correct them promptly, and if we failed, we summarized these failures. In doing my duty this way, I didn’t feel too much pressure and felt much more at ease. Through this experience, I came to realize that only by focusing on seeking the truth, submitting to the situations God orchestrates, and learning lessons from these things can one gain true freedom and liberation.