By Wen Xi, China

I was born in the countryside, and when I was growing up, my family was very poor. I wore patched-up clothes when I went out, and the neighbors would laugh at me. One time, my toes were poking out of my shoes, and my classmates ridiculed me, pulled my shoes off, and threw them far away. When my parents found out that I was being bullied, they were very upset, and they hoped my older brothers and I could study hard and eventually become successful, so that we’d no longer have to live in such poverty and be looked down upon. Both of my older brothers excelled in their studies, but unexpectedly, the Cultural Revolution shattered the dreams of our entire family, and our whole family placed their hopes on me. After that, I studied desperately to get ahead in life, but in the end, I only got into a nursing school.

After graduation, I was assigned to work at a hospital, but because of my low education, I could only be an ordinary nurse. I was frantically busy all day long, but I still didn’t make much money. My husband was an ordinary worker, with a very low income, so we couldn’t afford a big house, and the three of us lived in a small one. Even though I worked hard and many of the patients praised me, whenever the hospital was selecting officials, I was never chosen, while people who had inferior work capabilities than I did were promoted one by one. I found out from a colleague that it was because my family was poor, had no influence, and had no money to buy gifts for the superiors that others were promoted instead of me. I felt that I was being belittled and looked down upon again, and I was really hurt inside. Later, my boss at the hospital said, “Moving forward, all promotions will be based on academic credentials, and only those with higher degrees will have the opportunity to be promoted. The country has launched the Higher Education Self-Study Examination, and those who want to improve their academic credentials and get promoted can sign up.” I thought this was great news. I’d finally be able to fulfill my dream of going to college, and with a higher degree and a better job title, I’d get a better salary, I’d have enough money to buy a big house, and then, I would carry myself proudly wherever I went, and no one would look down on me anymore. So I put my name down at the top of the sign-up sheet. But at that time, I’d just undergone surgery for a thyroid tumor and my body was weak. Because I couldn’t keep up physically, I had to give up before finishing even one course. Two years later, I saw that several colleagues had passed several courses, and so, in spite of my frailty, I re-registered. At that time, my son was still young, and when I’d get home, exhausted after the day’s work, I’d still have to take care of him, and I’d have to wait until he fell asleep to start studying. Due to long-term exhaustion, my body became severely depleted, and I often had headaches and felt utterly fatigued. The doctor said I was overworked and advised me to get plenty of rest. But I thought about how I’d already wasted two years, and that if I quit halfway again my dreams would be shattered. This time, no matter what, I had to stick it out to the end. So, I spent four years completing exams for 14 professional courses. Not long after, I was promoted to an intermediate-level position, my salary increased significantly, life became a bit more comfortable, and we also moved into a bigger house. But I still wasn’t satisfied. I wanted to get my bachelor’s degree. In my forties, I studied hard for another two years and was admitted to a correspondence bachelor’s program. I was then transferred from the clinical front lines to the much-envied publicity department. Being in the office meant that I no longer had to work overtime day and night. I thought to myself, “When I have my bachelor’s degree, I can be promoted to a deputy senior-level position, my salary will increase, and everyone will admire me even more.”

Amidst these dreams of mine, in May 2012, I suddenly felt my hands tremble and my heart beating irregularly, and I felt very unwell. The doctor diagnosed a recurrence of my thyroid tumor, with my thyroid secreting a large quantity of hormones, causing severe damage to both my heart and liver, and this was the cause of my symptoms. When my condition slightly improved, I feared missing work and losing wages and bonuses, so I discharged myself from the hospital and went home for treatment. But while at work, I suddenly felt weak all over and couldn’t move, and my temperature soared to 40°C. Lying in bed, my heart was beating irregularly, I felt unwell, and my head was spinning. I felt as if my life was really coming to an end. The doctor called my husband into the office and said I was in danger of dying at any moment. After a night of emergency treatment, my temperature began to drop, and I regained some consciousness. Later, after using a lot of medication, my body slowly returned to normal. Soon after, my promotion to a deputy-senior level position was approved; my salary and bonuses increased greatly, but as I held my paycheck, I felt no sense of joy or achievement in my heart. I couldn’t help but ask myself, “Is this all there is to life? Qualifications and wealth? Now I have everything I’ve ever wanted, but my life almost ended. Can qualifications, money, and people’s admiration be exchanged for my life? Is the path I’ve taken in life truly the right one?”

Just when I was desperately searching, unable to find the answer, in 2013, Almighty God’s gospel of the last days came to me. I read a passage of God’s words: “Humanity, having strayed from the Almighty’s provision of life, is ignorant of the purpose of existence, but fears death nonetheless. They are without help or reliance, yet still reluctant to close their eyes, and they steel themselves to prop up sacks of flesh, which lack any feeling in their souls, as they drag out an ignoble existence in this world. You live in this way, without hope, as do others, without aim. Only the Holy One of legend will save the people who, moaning in the midst of their suffering, long desperately for His arrival. Such belief has long remained unrealized in those who lack consciousness. Nevertheless, the people still yearn for it so. The Almighty has mercy on these people who have suffered deeply; at the same time, He feels averse toward these people who don’t have any consciousness at all, as He has had to wait too long for an answer from people. He wishes to seek, to seek your heart and your spirit, and to bring you water and food, so that you awaken and you no longer thirst or hunger. When you are weary and when you feel something of the bleakness of this world, do not be lost, do not cry. Almighty God, the Watcher, will embrace your arrival at any time. He is keeping watch by your side, waiting for you to turn back around. He is waiting for the day you suddenly recover your memory: when you realize that you came from God, that, at some unknown time you lost your direction, at some unknown time you lost consciousness on the road, and at some unknown time acquired a ‘father’; when you realize, furthermore, that the Almighty has always been keeping watch, waiting there a very, very long time for your return. He has been watching with desperate longing, waiting for a response without an answer. His watching and waiting are beyond any price, and they are for the sake of the human heart and the human spirit. Perhaps this watching and waiting are indefinite, and perhaps they are at an end. But you should know exactly where your heart and your spirit are right now” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Sighing of the Almighty). As I read Almighty God’s words, I couldn’t stop my tears from flowing. God’s words were like a warm gentle stream, warming my heart. I thought about how, since I was young, I had suffered so much neglect and bullying because of my family’s poverty. After starting work, I had a low income due to my low education, and my husband was also poor, and so I suffered my colleagues’ contempt and mockery. Many times, in the midst of pain and repression, I thought about taking my life. Over the course of decades, in order to escape poverty and gain others’ admiration, I put all my effort into studying, and I attained fame and gain, but I almost lost my life. I kept asking myself, “Was all this hard work really worth it? How can one live in a way that is actually meaningful?” I was like a lost orphan, desperately searching but unable to find my direction in life. Reading God’s words, though I didn’t understand them too deeply, I felt a profound warmth and closeness, and I realized that believing in and following God is the path people should walk, and that only God can be relied upon.

In August 2013, I officially joined The Church of Almighty God. At that time, my body was still very weak, and after being diagnosed at multiple hospitals with serious arrhythmia, I needed heart surgery. But the doctors said that even if I had the surgery, the results were uncertain, that the risks were very high, and that it was uncertain whether I would even be able to get off the operating table. So I prayed to God, entrusting my illness to Him, saying that no matter the result, I would submit. I then began praying, attending gatherings, and reading God’s words regularly. I also preached the gospel whenever I had time. I was so busy every day that sometimes I even forgot to take my medicine. After about six months, my health fully recovered. Even the doctor was amazed and said, “It’s a miracle!” I became more certain that Almighty God is the Lord who created the heavens and earth and all things. He had not only given me breath, but a second life. I sincerely thanked God from the bottom of my heart, and I decided to follow God properly and fulfill my duties to repay His love.

A year later, I became a group leader in the church, and I started doing text-based duties part-time. I’d work during the day, and in the evenings, I’d practice writing experiential testimony articles and vetting articles at home. On weekends, I would attend group gatherings. Although it was tiring, being with my brothers and sisters in the gatherings and reading God’s words brought peace and joy to my heart. In September 2016, I was selected as a watering deacon, and due to the large number of newcomers to water, my workload suddenly increased. Since my job with my work unit was very busy, I had to ask for leave from my boss every time I went to a gathering, and when my boss asked what I was doing, I didn’t know how to answer. Later, I kept hearing about brothers and sisters who’d been arrested and imprisoned for their faith and for preaching the gospel, and that after they were released, their salaries and social security benefits were all canceled. I worried that if my boss found out I believed in Almighty God, not only would my salary be cut, but I might even end up in prison. Then wouldn’t all my efforts from the first half of my life have been for nothing? I felt I couldn’t keep doing this duty. Just as I was struggling with how to resign from the watering duty, I received a letter from the leaders, which said that the church wanted to promote me to go elsewhere to do text-based duties. After reading the letter, I felt conflicted again. If I went elsewhere to do my duties, I wouldn’t be able to go home often. What would happen to my job then? If I quit the job that I’d put in so many years of hard studying to get, I wouldn’t even receive a pension. Then wouldn’t all my decades of effort be wasted? I thought about retiring the following year, and then, with my pension, I would be able to fully dedicate myself to my duties. In order to keep my job, I refused my text-based duties, and at the same time, I eagerly awaited the day of my retirement. Unexpectedly, in June 2017, with just over a month left before my retirement, I suddenly received a notice. It said that my age on my file was one year younger than the age on my household registration, and so I’d have to wait another year to retire. After just barely enduring another year, I received another shocking piece of news. Anyone in a deputy senior position would have their retirement delayed by five years. I truly felt like I was on the verge of a breakdown! God’s work is advancing rapidly, and if I had to wait another five years, and God’s work concluded, how would I have the opportunity to do my duty then? I thought of a hymn of God’s words, “Time Lost Will Never Come Again.” “Awaken, brothers! Awaken, sisters! My day will not be delayed; time is life, and to seize back time is to save life! The time is not far off! If you fail the college entrance examination, you can study and retake it as many times as you like. However, My day will brook no further delay. Remember! Remember! I urge you with these good words. The end of the world unfolds before your very eyes, and great disasters rapidly draw near. Which is more important: your life, or your sleep, your food and drink and clothing? The time has come for you to weigh these things” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 30). From God’s words, I saw just how urgent God’s intention is. God’s work is about to end, and the great catastrophes are imminent. God hopes that more people will rise up to preach the gospel, bringing those who sincerely believe in God before Him, allowing them to accept His salvation and avoid the onslaught of the great catastrophes. I was well aware that God’s day is not far off, that the great catastrophes are just ahead, and that if I retired five years later, though I would attain wealth, fame, and gain, I would lose the opportunity to attain the truth and be saved, and that this would be a lifelong regret! I couldn’t wait another five years. I had to retire immediately. I went to see the department head, who asked me to go back and reconsider. The next day, the director called me in for a talk, saying, “Ever since the unit’s publicity department was established, many patients have come in because of our reputation, and this is inseparable from your hard work. Right now, the unit needs you to keep up the good work and to keep pushing forward. Don’t retire this year; just wait five more years. By then, the unit will be stronger, and your salary will be higher as well.” Then the department head said, “From now on, as long as you come in for mentoring once in the morning and once in the evening, you can go ahead and see to your other affairs, and your salary and bonuses won’t be reduced.” I thought to myself, “If I could come in once in the morning and once in the evening and have the rest of my time for myself, and I could go out and do my duty every day without constraints, and still receive my salary and bonuses, then that would be really tempting!” After they left, I fell into deep thought, “If I retire now, I’ll only receive the basic pension, which would be just under half my current salary. If I work for another five years, not only will I earn a higher salary, but my pension will also be higher due to the increased years of service.” At this point, I began to waver. At this moment, a female colleague said, “You just sit in the office, shielded from the wind and rain, earning a high salary. How enviable that is! If you don’t retire now, you’ll still have the opportunity to be promoted to a senior position, and your salary will be even higher. Everyone who should retire this year isn’t retiring, only you. Are you a fool?” My colleague’s words left me very conflicted. If I didn’t retire, I could still be promoted to a senior position, my salary and status would improve, and others would hold me in higher regard. Should I keep working? When I got home, the words of my superiors and colleague kept echoing in my ears. Should I retire or not? I felt very conflicted; I couldn’t sleep at night, and I had no appetite, so I prayed to God, “God, I’m torn, and I don’t know what to choose. Please enlighten and guide me to understand Your intention.”

After praying, I looked for God’s words related to my difficulty. God says: “In every step of work that God does on people, externally it appears to be interactions between people, as if born of human arrangements or from human disturbance. But behind the scenes, every step of work, and everything that happens, is a wager made by Satan before God, and requires people to stand firm in their testimony to God. Take when Job was tried, for example: Behind the scenes, Satan was making a wager with God, and what happened to Job was the deeds of men and the disturbance of men. Behind every step of work that God does in you is Satan’s wager with God—behind it all is a battle” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Only Loving God Is Truly Believing in God). From God’s words, I understood that though on the surface, it was my superiors and colleague at work who had come to talk to me, luring me with favorable conditions, actually this was Satan’s temptation coming upon me. If I had no discernment, I would fall into Satan’s trap, continuing to work and earn money, and I wouldn’t be able to fully devote myself to my duties. Over the last few years, I’d been balancing work with my duties, and when work got busy, I’d put my duties aside and not do them properly. If I didn’t retire now, although I could manage most of my time, I still wouldn’t be able to fully invest myself into my duties. But if I did retire, I’d be completely free, and I’d be able to do my duties with peace of mind. Over the years of believing in God, I’ve received so much from God, and if it hadn’t been for God’s love and salvation, I would have died long ago. If I continued pursuing wealth, fame, and gain, and neglected my duties, would I still have a conscience? At this moment, I thought of how God said: “Are there not many among you who have seesawed between right and wrong?” I quickly looked for this passage of God’s words. God says: “If I were to place some money in front of you right now and give you the freedom to choose—and if I did not condemn you for your choice—then most of you would choose the money and forsake the truth. The better among you would give up the money and choose the truth reluctantly, while those in-between would seize the money in one hand and the truth in the other. Would your true colors thus not become self-evident? When choosing between the truth and anything to which you are loyal, you would all make this choice, and your attitude would remain the same. Is that not so? Are there not many among you who have seesawed between right and wrong? In all of the struggles between positive and negative, black and white—between family and God, children and God, harmoniousness and rupture, riches and poverty, status and ordinariness, being supported and being cast aside, and so on—you are surely aware of the choices that you have made. Between a harmonious family and a broken one, you chose the former, and you did so without any hesitation; between riches and duty, you again chose the former, even lacking the will to return to shore; between luxury and poverty, you chose the former; when choosing between your sons, daughters, wives and husbands, and Me, you chose the former; and between notion and truth, you once again chose the former. Faced with all manner of your evil deeds, I have simply lost faith in you. It simply astounds Me that your hearts are so incapable of being softened. The heart’s blood that I have expended for many years has surprisingly brought Me nothing more than your abandonment and resignation, but My hopes for you grow with each passing day, for My day has been completely laid bare before everyone. Yet you persist in seeking dark and evil things, and refuse to loosen your grip on them. What, then, will be your outcome? Have you ever given careful consideration to this? If you were asked to choose again, what then would be your position? Would it still be the former? Would you still bring Me disappointment and wretched sorrow?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. To Whom Are You Loyal?). The exposure of God’s words made me feel utterly ashamed. Facing money, fame, and gain, and my duties, I often chose the former. I was truly intransigent and stubborn, breaking God’s heart! I thought back to before I’d found God, when I lived under Satan’s dominion. I was desperately studying and pursuing wealth, fame, and gain, and it almost cost me my life. After finding God, it was His care and protection that healed my weak body. Later, the church arranged for me to do my duties, and God arranged various situations for me to experience, through which I began to understand some truths and made some progress in my life. God paid such a great price and invested so much effort in me to save me, but what He received from me in return was repeated rejection and betrayal. I really let God down! Thinking of this, my heart was filled with pain, and I prayed to God, “God, my heart is too focused on pursuing wealth, fame, and gain; I keep rejecting my duties and betraying You again and again! I am truly rebellious! God, I want to properly pursue the truth and do my duties, but I still can’t fully let go of my desire for wealth, fame, and gain. Please enlighten and guide me to understand the truth, so that I can break free from the bonds of wealth, fame, and gain.”

One day, I read God’s words: “‘Money makes the world go round’ is a philosophy of Satan. It prevails among the whole of mankind, in every human society; you could say it is a trend. This is because it has been instilled in the heart of every single person, who at first did not accept this saying, but then gave it tacit acceptance when they came into contact with real life, and began to feel that these words were in fact true. Is this not a process of Satan corrupting man? … Satan uses money to tempt people, and corrupts them into worshiping money and venerating material things. And how is this worship of money manifested in people? Do you feel that you could not survive in this world without any money, that even one day without money would be impossible? People’s status is based on how much money they have, as is the respect they command. The backs of the poor are bent in shame, while the rich enjoy their high status. They stand tall and proud, speaking loudly and living arrogantly. What does this saying and trend bring to people? Is it not true that many people make any sacrifice in order to get money? Do many people not lose their dignity and integrity in the pursuit of more money? Do many people not lose the opportunity to perform their duty and follow God for the sake of money? Is losing the chance to gain the truth and be saved not the greatest of all losses for people? Is Satan not sinister to use this method and this saying to corrupt man to such a degree? Is this not a malicious trick?” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique V). “Satan uses fame and gain to control man’s thoughts, until all people can think of is fame and gain. They struggle for fame and gain, suffer hardships for fame and gain, endure humiliation for fame and gain, sacrifice everything they have for fame and gain, and they will make any judgment or decision for the sake of fame and gain. In this way, Satan binds people with invisible shackles, and, wearing these shackles, they have neither the strength nor the courage to throw them off. They unknowingly bear these shackles and trudge ever onward with great difficulty. For the sake of this fame and gain, mankind shuns God and betrays Him and becomes increasingly wicked. In this way, therefore, one generation after another is destroyed in the midst of Satan’s fame and gain” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). From God’s words, I understood that Satan uses fame and gain as bait, making people live solely for fame and gain, causing people to drift away from God and resist Him, and ultimately, they are cast into hell with Satan. If it hadn’t been for the exposure of God’s words, I wouldn’t have seen through Satan’s sinister intentions and despicable tactics. Thinking back to my childhood, my family was poor, and I suffered ridicule and humiliation from those around me. So I told myself that I would become a rich person and make those who mocked me see me in a new light. I took satanic philosophies like “Money makes the world go round” and “Stand out above the rest, and bring honor to your ancestors” as “words of wisdom,” thinking that with money, one can live with dignity, speak with confidence, and earn admiration from others. Under the control of these satanic poisons, I grabbed any opportunity I could to improve my qualifications and worth. When I heard that obtaining a college diploma through self-study would give me a chance for promotion, I signed up immediately. During the day, I cared for patients, and whenever I had some free time, I would read professional books, and after work, I would finish household chores and study late into the night. Even when I was so exhausted that I became sick and was on an IV, I still didn’t forget to study. After years of relentless study, I finally obtained the wealth, fame, and gain I had wanted, but my body was completely worn out, and my thyroid tumor suddenly relapsed, putting my life in danger. For decades, I’d walked through life shackled by fame and gain, stumbling forward, almost losing my life, and it was God’s gospel that came to me and pulled me back from the brink of death. But for the sake of money, fame, and gain, I repeatedly delayed and rejected my duties. I was constantly torn between money and my duties, living a life of unbearable misery. I saw that living by these satanic poisons made me more and more selfish and despicable, that my heart was filled only with thoughts of money, fame, and gain, with no place for God, and that I was disregarding my responsibilities and duties. God gave me breath and granted me a second chance at life, but all I gave to God in return was repeated rejection and betrayal. I truly had no conscience or reason! I thought of all the celebrities and wealthy people in society. They fight desperately for fame and gain, using any means necessary; after acquiring these things, some become seriously ill from overwork, some turn to drugs, others commit suicide, and some even spend the latter half of their lives in prison. Although they obtain fame and gain, it does not bring them true happiness, but instead, just more pain and emptiness, and even death. Pondering this, I truly realized that Satan encourages people to pursue fame and gain to harm and devour people, making them rebel against and stray from God more and more, and in the end, they descend into hell along with Satan. If we do not see through Satan’s sinister intentions and completely rebel against Satan, the outcome is being devoured by Satan and destroyed in the trap of fame and gain. Thinking of this, I decided to let go of my job and retire.

In July 2018, I officially retired. In November, I began doing text-based duties. Not long after, a few ex-colleagues from work invited me to a meal. Some of them who hadn’t retired were discussing how much their salary had increased that month, and after hearing this, I felt a stirring in my heart, as if I hadn’t retired, I too could have been earning more money with a salary increase. At that moment, I suddenly realized that Satan was using money, fame, and gain to lure me again, and I couldn’t allow myself to be deceived. So I silently prayed to God in my heart, asking Him to protect my heart and keep it from being disturbed. At that moment, I thought of the words of the Lord Jesus: “What is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Matthew 16:26). My ex-colleagues were working themselves to the bone every day for money, fame, and gain, but their hearts had no reliance, and no matter how much money they earned, it was all empty. In particular, I heard that one ex-colleague had recently been diagnosed with lung cancer and was undergoing chemotherapy, and that he was suffering from intense pain. This made it even clearer to me that no amount of money can buy a person’s health or life. I had been elevated by God and had the opportunity to do my duty, and though I was earning less money, I could understand more truths, and this was the most valuable and precious thing.

Later, I came across a passage of God’s words that deeply moved me. Almighty God says: “There is an exceedingly simple way to free oneself from this state, which is to bid farewell to one’s former way of living; to say goodbye to one’s previous goals in life; to summarize and dissect one’s previous lifestyle, view of life, pursuits, desires, and ideals; and then to compare them with God’s intentions and demands for man, and see whether any of them is consistent with God’s intentions and demands, whether any of them delivers the right values of life, leads one to a greater understanding of the truth, and allows one to live with humanity and the likeness of a human being. When you repeatedly investigate and carefully dissect the various goals that people pursue in life and their myriad ways of living, you will find not one of them conforms to the Creator’s original intention with which He created humanity. All of them draw people away from the Creator’s sovereignty and care; they are all traps which cause people to become depraved, and which lead them to hell. After you recognize this, your task is to lay aside your old view of life, stay far from various traps, let God take charge of your life and make arrangements for you; it is to try only to submit to God’s orchestrations and guidance, to live without individual choice, and to become a person who worships God” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique III). After reading God’s words, my heart became even brighter. A person who follows God and pursues the truth lives the most valuable and meaningful life. I am fortunate to have accepted Almighty God’s work of the last days, to have the opportunity to obtain the truth and be saved, and to hear the voice of the Creator with my own ears. This is a tremendous blessing. I could no longer pursue money, fame, and gain, and I had to submit to God’s sovereignty and live according to His requirements. I thought of Peter, who upon hearing the call of the Lord Jesus, decisively gave up everything to follow Him, and in the end, he came to know God, and he became able to love God to the utmost and submit to God unto death. Additionally, throughout the ages, saints have forsaken everything to propagate God’s gospel, and some have even sacrificed their lives. What they lived out was the most meaningful. Now that my retirement pension is enough for my expenses, I should devote more of my energy to pursuing the truth and doing my duties. To pursue knowledge of God, and to obtain the truth—these things are of the greatest value.

Later, I devoted all my energy to my duties. Through reading God’s words and training in doing my duties, I gradually discerned Satan’s sinister intentions to harm people, and I came to understand my own greedy desire for money and the selfish, despicable corrupt disposition within me. Whenever I heard my ex-colleagues boasting about how much money they made or how big their new houses were, I was no longer affected by it. Although I don’t earn as much money as they do or have as large a house as they do, I have received God’s personal watering and provisioning, and I have come to understand some truths through my duties. This is something that no amount of money can buy. I sincerely thank God for His love and salvation!