By Lei Bing, China

In 2023, the leaders arranged for me to preach the gospel because my caliber was poor and I proved incapable of doing text-based duties. At the time, I felt that I had lost face. I thought, “My brothers and sisters all know that I was dismissed because of my poor caliber. What will they think of me?” I felt awful. One day, when I came back from preaching the gospel, I received a letter from the leaders. They said they were short of people and wanted me to go back to the place where I had originally been doing my duty. I was very happy to see this, thinking, “Now I can do text-based duties again!” But when I read on, I immediately became discouraged. It turned out that the leaders wanted me to go there to do the duty of hosting. I was utterly disappointed. I thought to myself, “It’s over. This duty is always done by older brothers and sisters. How have I fallen to the point of cooking for people? This is so degrading! So embarrassing! Besides, in the past, I did text-based duties, but now, in the blink of an eye, I’m doing hosting. How will I be able to look the brothers I used to be partnered with in the eye? I have been a leader and have done text-based duties, and my brothers and sisters in my hometown all consider me a talented person. What will they think of me if they find out I’m cooking and hosting away from home now? I will utterly lose face!” When I thought this, I felt very resistant, and didn’t want to accept this duty. However, I reluctantly agreed because I was worried that the leaders would say that I was not obedient.

When I arrived at the host home, I found it a bit hard to look the brothers I had known in the past in the eye; I felt inferior. To avoid embarrassment, I tried to stay in my room alone as much as possible and minimize contact with them. When I saw them go off to do their duties after eating, while I was busy washing dishes, wiping tables, and sweeping the floor, I started to get frustrated as I worked. I felt like a maid. Sometimes, I would throw the broom aside and avoid cleaning for a couple of days, and at times, my brothers would help me with the cleaning. One brother had health issues and couldn’t eat food that was too spicy, and reminded me many times not to make the food too spicy. However, I could not accept this correctly and believed that they were treating me like a servant, so I felt sullen. When I cooked, I didn’t put a single chili in, and let the chilis go bad rather than eat them in order to vent my dissatisfaction. Seeing my attitude, my brothers and sisters stopped mentioning it. Afterward, I felt self-reproach and knew I shouldn’t have done that, but I just couldn’t control myself. I became increasingly irresponsible in my duties, and either made too much or too little food. I didn’t ask whether my brothers had enough to eat, and constantly felt like shirking this duty. However, I was afraid that my brothers and sisters would say that I was not submitting to the environment arranged by God, and so I didn’t dare mention it. However, I felt sad at heart every time I was faced with pots and pans, washing and rinsing. I thought, “This duty is always done by older brothers and sisters. If the brothers and sisters who know me find out I’m a cook, who would still look up to me?” These thoughts stirred up pent-up frustration, making me feel really uncomfortable. I realized that my state was incorrect, and prayed to God in my heart, “Dear God, I know that Your intention is in this environment coming upon me. I beg You, lead me to submit!”

Afterward, I reflected on myself, “Why do I never want to do hosting duty?” One day during my devotionals, I read a passage of God’s words that was very relevant to my state. God says: “‘Antichrists’ cherishment of their reputation and status goes beyond that of normal people, and is something within their disposition essence; it is not a temporary interest, or the transient effect of their surroundings—it is something within their life, their bones, and so it is their essence. This is to say that in everything antichrists do, their first consideration is their own reputation and status, nothing else. For antichrists, reputation and status are their life, and their lifelong goal. In all they do, their first consideration is: ‘What will happen to my status? And to my reputation? Will doing this give me a good reputation? Will it elevate my status in people’s minds?’ That is the first thing they think about, which is ample proof that they have the disposition and essence of antichrists; that is why they consider things this way. It can be said that for antichrists, reputation and status are not some additional requirement, much less things which are external to them that they could do without. They are part of the nature of antichrists, they are in their bones, in their blood, they are innate to them. Antichrists are not indifferent toward whether they possess reputation and status; this is not their attitude. Then, what is their attitude? Reputation and status are intimately connected to their daily lives, to their daily state, to what they pursue on a daily basis. … It can be said that in antichrists’ hearts, the pursuit of the truth in their faith in God is the pursuit of reputation and status, and the pursuit of reputation and status is also the pursuit of the truth; to gain reputation and status is to gain the truth and life. If they feel that they have no fame, gain, or status, that no one looks up to them, esteems them, or follows them, then they are very disappointed, they believe there is no point in believing in God, no value to it, and they say to themselves, ‘Is such faith in god a failure? Aren’t I without hope?’ They often calculate such things in their hearts. They calculate how they can carve a place out for themselves in the house of God, how they can have a lofty reputation in the church, how they can get people to listen when they talk, and to support them when they act, how they can get people to follow them no matter where they are, and how they can have an influential voice in the church, and fame, gain, and status—they really focus on such things in their hearts. These are what such people pursue” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). God exposes that antichrists regard status and reputation as their lifeblood. No matter what duties antichrists do, they never consider the interests of God’s house. Instead, they only consider whether they can gain prestige and the admiration of others, and as soon as they are unable to attain reputation and status, it is as if their very life has been stolen away. This is determined by the essence of antichrists. My behavior was the same as that of the antichrists exposed by God. I believed that being a leader or doing duties that had a technical component, or which were respectable and prominent, would make people admire me, and only then would life be valuable or meaningful. In contrast, I believed that doing hosting duty was inferior and that nobody would look up to me. When I was dismissed from doing text-based duties, it felt as if my life had been taken away. I was afraid that my brothers and sisters would look down on me if they knew that I had been reassigned because of my poor caliber. Especially when I was asked to do hosting duty, I felt completely paralyzed. I thought about how, when I had been a leader in the church before, I had often gathered and fellowshipped with my brothers and sisters and implemented work, and in their eyes, I had been considered a talented person. But now I had become a cook, and felt like I had completely lost face. Whenever I thought about this, I felt stifled, resentful, and miserable, and couldn’t submit. There was a brother who couldn’t eat food that was too spicy due to health reasons, and on many occasions, he reminded me to use fewer chilis. This was a reasonable request and something I should have considered as someone doing hosting duty, and I should have accepted this. But I didn’t show consideration for him and I even believed that he was looking down on me, so I clashed with him, and I even took my anger out on my duty. I had been so consumed by status and reputation that I had even lost normal humanity. I didn’t consider how to do my duty of hosting my brothers and sisters well. My head was filled with thoughts of my reputation and status, and I constantly wanted to shirk my duty. I was truly lacking in conscience and humanity. I prayed to God in my heart, willing to repent and treat my duties correctly.

One day, I read a passage of God’s words: “In those matters in which people have failed to stay in their proper places, and have failed to accomplish what they ought to—that is to say, when they fail in their duty—it will become a knot within them. This is an exceedingly practical problem, and one that has to be resolved. So how to resolve it? What kind of attitude should people have? Before all else, they must be willing to turn themselves around. And how should this willingness to make a turnaround be put into practice? For example, a person is a leader for a couple years, but because they are of low caliber they do not do their job well, cannot see any situation clearly, do not know how to use the truth to solve problems, and cannot do any real work; therefore, they are dismissed. If, after being dismissed, they are able to submit, continue performing their duty, and are willing to turn around, what should they do? First of all, they should understand this, ‘God was right to do as He did. My caliber is so very poor, and for so long I’ve done no real work and instead only held up the work of the church and the brothers’ and sisters’ life entry. I’m lucky that the house of God did not expel me outright. I’ve really been pretty shameless, hanging onto my position all this time and even believing myself to have done such great work. How unreasonable of me!’ To be able to feel self-hatred and a sense of remorse: is it or is it not an expression of the willingness to make a turnaround? If they are able to say this, it means they are willing. If they say in their hearts, ‘For so long, in my position as leader, I have always striven for the benefits of status; I was always preaching doctrine and equipping myself with doctrine; I did not strive for life entry. Only now that I’ve been replaced do I see just how inadequate and lacking I am. God did the right thing, and I must submit. In the past, I had status, and the brothers and sisters treated me well; they would surround me wherever I went. Now no one takes any notice of me, and I am forsaken; this is my due, it is the retribution I deserve. Moreover, how could a created being have any status before God? No matter how high someone’s status, it is neither the outcome nor the destination; God gives me a commission not so that I can throw my weight around or enjoy my status, but so I can perform my duty, and I should do whatever I can. I should have an attitude of submission toward God’s sovereignty and the arrangements of the house of God. Although submission may be hard, I must submit; God is right to do as He does, and even supposing I had thousands, tens of thousands, of excuses, none of them would be the truth. Submitting to God is the truth!’ these are exact expressions of the willingness to turn around. And if one were to possess all of these, how might God appraise such a person? God would say that this is a person of conscience and reason. Is this assessment high? It is not overly high; having conscience and reason alone falls short of the standards of being made perfect by God—but as far as this kind of person is concerned, it’s already no small accomplishment. Being able to submit is precious. After this, how the person seeks to make God change His view of them depends on which road they choose” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Resolving One’s Notions Can One Embark on the Right Track of Belief in God (3)). After reading the words of God, I felt ashamed and guilty. When a person is reassigned in their duties or dismissed, a person with conscience and reason is able to reflect on and understand their deficiencies and have an attitude of submission to God. They accept without trying to justify themselves or haggle over terms, and they wish to make a turnaround. I thought about how I had poor caliber and wasn’t up to doing text-based duties. After months of doing my duty, I’d achieved no results, and it was in complete accordance with the truth principle that the leaders adjusted my duties. Moreover, if I had continued to do that duty, I would have delayed the work, and my state would have been affected because of my insufficient caliber, causing me to feel negative. This arrangement was beneficial both to the work of the church and to myself. However, I didn’t know to thank God, and I even became negative and complained, believing that doing hosting duty was utterly degrading for me, as if I were being greatly humiliated. Every day, I did my duty unwillingly. My caliber was poor, but the house of God hadn’t eliminated me, and had instead given me another chance to do my duty. This was God’s grace, and I should have thanked God and accepted it and submitted unconditionally. But not knowing what was good for me, I was negative and slacked off and felt indignant and unaccepting. I truly was absolutely lacking in conscience and reason!

Afterward, I reflected on myself: Why was I always constrained by status and pride in my duty? I read a passage of God’s words and found the root cause of my problem. God says: “Do you always want to spread your wings and take flight, do you always wish to fly solo, to be an eagle rather than a little bird? What disposition is this? Is this the principle of self-conduct? Your self-conduct should be based on God’s words; only God’s words are the truth. You have been too deeply corrupted by Satan, and always take traditional culture—the words of Satan—as the truth, as the object of your pursuit, which makes it easy for you to take the wrong path, to walk the path of resisting God. The thoughts and views of corrupt mankind, and the things they strive for are contrary to the desires of God, to the truth, and to the laws of God’s sovereignty over everything, His orchestration of everything, and His control over mankind’s fate. So no matter how proper and reasonable this kind of pursuit is according to human thoughts and notions, from God’s perspective they are not positive things, and they are not in line with His intentions. Because you go against the fact of God’s sovereignty over mankind’s fate, and because you wish to go solo, taking your fate into your own hands, you are always hitting walls, so hard that blood flows from your head, and nothing ever works out for you. Why does nothing work out for you? Because the laws that God established are inalterable by any created being. God’s authority and power are above all else, inviolable by any created being. People think far too much of their abilities. What is it that makes people always wish to be free of God’s sovereignty, and always wish to grab hold of their own fate and plan their own future, and wish to control their prospects, direction, and life goals? Where does this starting point come from? (A corrupt satanic disposition.) What then does a corrupt satanic disposition bring to people? (Opposition to God.) What comes of people opposing God? (Pain.) Pain? It is destruction! Pain isn’t the half of it. What you see right before your eyes is pain, negativity, and weakness, and it is resistance and complaints—what outcome will these things bring? Annihilation! This is no small matter, and it is no game” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. A Corrupt Disposition Can Only Be Resolved by Accepting the Truth). From God’s words I understood that I had mainly been bound by satanic poisons such as “A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies” and “Man struggles upward; water flows downward,” and that I was constantly living for fame and gain. When I was young, I had a strong desire for reputation and status. I dropped out of school in my teens. At that time, I saw many people working as bricklayers, and I said to myself, “Even if I die of poverty, I will never be a bricklayer!” I thought this way because I believed that this was a job done by people who were unskilled and who lacked prospects. I really envied those who did big business, dressed respectably, and were admired and envied wherever they went. Later, I started to learn how to do business, and the villagers all praised me, saying, “This kid’s got guts. He’ll definitely have a bright future.” I was very happy to hear this. From then on, in everything I did, I had to consider whether it was respectable or not and whether it would make people look up to me. After I found God, I continued to live by these satanic poisons. I thought that if a person believed in God and was an ordinary believer doing a duty that involved toil, this was worthless, so I sought to become a leader, or to do a duty that had a technical component, was prominent, and which would make people envy and admire me. I thought that only these things were valuable and meaningful. Therefore, in doing my duty, I was very active, and I was able to give things up and leave things behind. I thought back to when I’d been a leader before, and about how my brothers and sisters admired me wherever I went. In particular, when they asked me to gather and fellowship with them more often, I was so happy that I didn’t know what to say. It was the same when I was doing my duty as a preacher. Every time I went to a church, the brothers and sisters would be delighted to see me, and I also felt that I was well-regarded, and I was very motivated to do my duty. Even though I was running back and forth between several churches, I didn’t feel tired. However, when I was asked to do hosting duty, I wilted just like a dead leaf. I felt that doing this duty was inferior, so I felt resistant and complained in my heart, and I was negative and slacked off in doing my duty. When I cooked, I either made too much and there were leftovers, or too little and there wasn’t enough to eat. Sometimes, I would see some leftovers and just throw a meal together from them in a perfunctory manner, not caring whether my brothers had enough to eat or not. When cooking, I didn’t consider my brother’s health, and when he gave me extra reminders, I got unhappy. When I was in a bad mood, I didn’t even do any cleaning. As I lived by these satanic poisons, I became increasingly lacking in reason and normal humanity. If I didn’t repent, then not only would my brothers and sisters develop an aversion to me, but God would also be unhappy and, over time, the Holy Spirit would abandon me. When I understood this, I felt a little scared, so I prayed to God that He may lead me to submit to His orchestration and arrangements and do my duty well.

Later, I read another two passages of God’s words. Only then did I understand how to treat my duties. God says: “In God’s house, whenever something is arranged for you to do, be it a hardship or tiring work, and whether you like it or not, it is your duty. If you can consider it a commission and responsibility that God has given you, you are then relevant to His work of saving man. And if what you do and the duty you perform are relevant to God’s work of saving man, and you can earnestly and sincerely accept the commission God has given you, how will He regard you? He will regard you as a member of His family. Is that a blessing or a curse? (A blessing.) It is a great blessing” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. What Is the Adequate Performance of Duty?). “What is your function as created beings? This relates to a person’s practice and duty. You are a created being, and if God gave you the gift of song, and the house of God arranges for you to sing, then you are to sing well. If you have the gift of preaching the gospel, and the house of God arranges for you to preach the gospel, then you should do it well. When God’s chosen people elect you as a leader, you should take up the commission of leadership, and lead God’s chosen people to eat and drink the words of God, fellowship on the truth, and enter into reality. In doing so, you will have performed your duty well. The commission God gives to man is extremely important and meaningful! So, how should you take up this commission and fulfill your function? This is one of the biggest issues you face, and you must make a choice. It can be said that this is a crucial moment which decides whether you can gain the truth and be perfected by God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Understanding the Truth Can One Know God’s Deeds). From God’s words I understood that there is no distinction between great and small, high and low, or noble and lowly in duties in God’s house. All types of duty arise from God’s work to save mankind. No matter what duty you do or whether you can gain the limelight or not, if you can sincerely accept your duty, treat it seriously, play your role according to God’s requirements, and do your duty well in a down-to-earth manner, then, God will be satisfied. However, I regarded being a leader or doing text-based duty or a duty with a technical component as being high-grade duties. I believed that people who did this kind of duty would be the objects of God’s salvation, while those who hosted and ran errands just toiled and rendered service. I divided the duties of God’s house into high and low, noble and lowly, and various grades. This view was really absurd and completely in violation of the truth. I thought about how I didn’t have the skills or caliber to do text-based duty. If I forced myself to do that duty in order to save face, then not only would I fail to achieve any results, but I would also be prone to making myself negative, which would have no benefit to my own life and also hinder the work of the church. The church arranged for me to do hosting duty. This is a duty I am capable of. It is the duty that I should do and the responsibility I should fulfill, and I should accept it and submit. Only then would I have the conscience and reason I ought to have.

Later, I also realized that I had a fallacious viewpoint, believing that if you did an important duty, you would have a high status, and that if you did an inconspicuous duty, you would have a low status. One day, I read a passage of God’s words that turned around my fallacious view. God says: “If someone’s social status is very low, their family is very poor, and they have a low level of education, yet they believe in God in a down-to-earth manner, and they love the truth and positive things, then in God’s eyes is their worth high or low, is it noble or lowly? They are valuable. Looking at it from this perspective, what does someone’s worth—whether high or low, noble or lowly—depend on? It depends on how God sees you. If God sees you as someone who pursues the truth, then you have worth and are valuable—you are a valuable vessel. If God sees that you do not pursue the truth and you do not sincerely expend yourself for Him, then you are worthless and are not valuable—you are a lowly vessel. No matter how highly educated you are or how high your status in society is, if you don’t pursue or understand the truth, then your worth can never be high; even if many people support you, exalt you, and adore you, you are still a contemptible wretch. … Looking at it now, what is the basis for defining someone’s worth as either noble or lowly? (It is their attitude toward God, truth, and positive things.) That’s right. First of all, one must understand what God’s attitude is. Understanding God’s attitude and understanding the principles and standards by which God passes verdict on people, and then measuring people based on the principles and standards by which God treats people—only this is most accurate, appropriate, and fair” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Seven: They Are Wicked, Insidious, and Deceitful (Part One)). From God’s words I understood that whether a person is noble in God’s house does not depend on whether they have status or not, and does not depend on whether anyone admires or worships them. Instead, it depends on whether people love the truth and whether they pursue the truth. If a person does not pursue the truth or love the truth, then however high their status and however many people gather around and worship them, not only is it all worthless, but they will also be revealed and eliminated for enjoying the benefits of status. Even if a person has no status and no one looks up to them, if they love the truth, have a God-fearing heart, and can believe in God and do their duty in a down-to-earth manner, they are valuable in God’s eyes. In the past, I always thought that hosting and general affairs duties were work that involved toil, with low status, and which nobody looked up to, and no matter how well you did these duties, it would be useless. Therefore, I was afraid of doing this kind of duty, and only pursued being a leader or doing a duty with a technical component. Now I realized how absurd my viewpoint was! I thought about how Paul single-mindedly pursued being above all the other apostles. He traveled across most of Europe to preach the gospel, and also wrote many letters, winning admiration and worship from all. However, he didn’t obtain the truth and life, and had a deep-rooted corrupt disposition. In the end, he even said such a presumptuous and treasonous thing as “To me to live is christ,” becoming an antichrist and being punished by God. Was I not walking on Paul’s road? If I didn’t turn around, then ultimately my outcome would be the same as Paul’s. I had to repent and turn around quickly. After that, I was able to treat hosting duty with care, and every day I’d ponder how to do this duty well and host my brothers and sisters well. I no longer felt inferior.

Thinking about it, during the time I have been doing hosting duty, I have learned how to live out normal humanity and how to submit to God’s orchestration and arrangements, and have understood my own corrupt disposition. All these are lessons I could never have learned without doing hosting duty. I thank God from the bottom of my heart!