By Pierre, Italy

At the end of 2018, the church arranged for me to be responsible for the graphic design work. Whenever I reviewed images and suggested edits to the brothers and sisters, they listened patiently, and from time to time people would say, “My sense of aesthetics is really bad. I can’t even notice these issues. Now that you mention it, I understand.” Sometimes, there were deadlocks because of differing opinions, but once I expressed my opinion, they’d all agree with me. Seeing all this, I felt so pleased, “Seems like my caliber is pretty good, otherwise, how could I be doing such an important duty? Why else would brothers and sisters all agree with me like this?” Sometimes I couldn’t participate in work discussions due to particular reasons, and the team leader would even change the time just so I could join. Seeing how much they valued me, I became even more pleased with myself, thinking, “This duty really makes me look good. If I work harder to study more and improve my skills, won’t I be able to gain admiration from even more brothers and sisters?” After that, I became even more motivated to do my duties. Even though the duty was stressful, I never backed down no matter how much I suffered or how difficult things got.

In 2022, as more newcomers in the Philippines had accepted the true way, more waterers were urgently needed, and the leaders decided that since the workload in the art team had decreased, there was no need for two supervisors, so they arranged for me to water newcomers online. I knew this arrangement was reasonable, but I had some concerns, thinking, “I haven’t watered any newcomers in several years. If the watering doesn’t get good results, will the brothers and sisters still think highly of me?” These thoughts made me feel a bit despondent. But then I thought to myself, “My caliber isn’t that bad. As long as I put in more effort to equip myself with the truth, I’m sure I can stand out in this duty as well.” After thinking this, I felt a bit better. Not long after, the supervisor of the watering work talked to me about my work, saying things like I hadn’t identified and solved the problems of the newcomers in good time, and that I was falling short in communicating with the newcomers and assisting them with their difficulties. Then, the supervisor read me some relevant principles, and I realized that the issues the supervisor pointed out truly existed. At first, I could accept it, but as more and more issues were pointed out, I started feeling a bit of pain inside. While listening to the supervisor’s fellowship and guidance, I kept thinking about my past as an art supervisor. I was always the one guiding others’ work and pointing out the issues in their duties, and the brothers and sisters always thought highly of me and supported me. But now, in my duty, so many problems of mine had been exposed, and I even needed others to fellowship with me and guide me. I felt so embarrassed! What would the supervisor think of me after realizing just how many problems I had in my duties? What would my brothers and sisters think of me? Would they think I had poor caliber and didn’t put my heart into my duties? I felt that I’d really fallen from grace. But afterward, I didn’t examine my state. Instead, I just comforted myself, thinking, “This is just a temporary failure. As long as I’m willing to work hard, these problems can be solved.”

A few days later, we fellowshipped together, and the supervisor asked me to share on how to resolve the issue of newcomers being too busy with work to attend gatherings. After I finished, some brothers and sisters said that I hadn’t seriously asked the newcomers about their difficulties, whether they were having actual difficulties in their life, or having wrong viewpoints. Some said that I’d just cut directly to the fellowship without making clear inquiries, and that this wouldn’t really solve the newcomers’ problems. After hearing the brothers’ and sisters’ advice, I felt my face burn with embarrassment, and I just wanted to find a hole in the ground to crawl into. I felt that this duty was really embarrassing. I used to be responsible for the work of the art team, and the brothers and sisters would crowd around me, frequently praising me. But now that I was watering newcomers, I kept getting corrected and critiqued. This was really frustrating! I thought about talking to the leader and asking to continue doing my former duty in graphic design. I felt that watering newcomers wasn’t my strong suit, and that if I did this duty, I’d just keep embarrassing myself. If I could return to my original duty, I could continue to enjoy the admiration and support of my brothers and sisters. But I also worried that if I requested a duty reassignment, the brothers and sisters would think I was overly fragile, that I wanted to switch duties after having a few issues pointed out, and that I was therefore truly small in stature. So I just forced myself to endure it. I comforted myself in my heart, thinking, “If I try harder and intensify my training, maybe things will improve after a while.”

Later, I worked even harder in my duty, equipping myself with the truth daily based on the newcomers’ issues, sometimes even staying up until 3 a.m. All I thought about was turning this situation around as soon as possible. But when it came time for the end-of-month summary, the results of my duty were still the worst in the team. At that moment, I felt like my only hope had shattered. That night, I tossed and turned in bed, unable to sleep. My mind kept going back to my time as an art supervisor, thinking about how glorious it was. But now, in watering newcomers, I had dropped to the bottom of the team. I felt that my doing this duty was truly embarrassing! The more I thought about it, the more aggrieved I felt, and I couldn’t stop myself from crying. I considered talking to the leader about changing my duties the next day. But when I thought about changing duties, I felt an indescribable sense of guilt and distress in my heart. I had prayed to God before, promising to hold to my duty. Now, to change duties—wasn’t that abandoning my post? Was I really going to give up like this? But if I continued doing this duty, I didn’t know how I could face it. In my pain, I cried out to God again and again, “God, I feel so weak, I don’t know how to go forward, please guide me.” I then remembered a passage of God’s words and sought it out to read. Almighty God says: “If the duty that you perform is something you are good at and like, then you feel it is your responsibility and your obligation, and that doing it is something perfectly natural and justified. You feel joyful, happy, and at ease. It is something you are willing to do, and to which you can give all your loyalty, and you feel that you are satisfying God. But when you one day face a duty that you do not like or have never performed before, will you be able to give it all your loyalty? This will test whether you are practicing the truth. For example, if your duty is in the hymn group, and you can sing and it is something you enjoy doing, then you are willing to perform this duty. If you were given another duty where you were told to spread the gospel, and the job was a bit difficult, would you be able to obey? You contemplate it and say, ‘I like singing.’ What does this mean? It means that you do not want to spread the gospel. This is clearly what it means. You just keep on saying ‘I like singing.’ If a leader or worker reasons with you, ‘Why don’t you train at spreading the gospel and equip yourself with more truths? It will be more beneficial for your growth in life,’ you still insist and say, ‘I like singing, and I like dancing.’ You do not want to go spread the gospel no matter what they say. Why don’t you want to go? (Because of a lack of interest.) You lack interest so you don’t want to go—what is the problem here? It is that you choose your duty according to your preferences and personal tastes, and you do not submit. You have no submission, and that is the problem. If you do not seek the truth to resolve this problem, then you are not really showing much true submission. What should you do in this situation to show true submission? What can you do to satisfy God’s intentions? This is when you need to contemplate and fellowship on this aspect of the truth. If you wish to give all your loyalty in all things to satisfy God’s intentions, you cannot do it by just performing one duty; you must accept any commission God bestows upon you. Whether it is to your tastes and matches your interests, or is something you do not enjoy, have never done before, or is difficult, you should still accept it and submit. Not only must you accept it, but you must also proactively cooperate, and learn about it, while experiencing and entering. Even if you suffer hardship, are tired, humiliated, or are ostracized, you must still give it all your loyalty. Only by practicing in this way will you be able to give all your loyalty in all things and satisfy God’s intentions. You must regard it as your duty to perform, not as personal business” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). From God’s words, I understood that no matter what duty the church arranges for me to do, whether it is something I am good at that allows me to stand out or something I am not good at and in which I can’t shine, it is all part of God’s sovereignty and ordination. I should always give my best efforts, for this is true submission to God. When I was responsible for the work of the art team and the brothers and sisters held me in high regard, I had endless motivation for my duty, and no matter how much I suffered or how difficult things got, I never gave up. Now that I had to do the duty of watering, there were many problems in my duty, revealing many of my shortcomings and inadequacies, so the brothers and sisters no longer held me in high regard or worshiped me, and I often felt distressed because of this, and even though this was what the church’s work needed, I thought about abandoning my duty several times, always wanting to go back to my original duty and enjoy the high regard of others. In what way did I have any true submission to God?

During my devotionals, I read God’s words: “Let no person think of themselves as perfect, distinguished, noble, or distinct from others; all this is brought about by man’s arrogant disposition and ignorance. Always thinking of oneself as set apart—this is caused by an arrogant disposition; never being able to accept their shortcomings, and never being able to confront their mistakes and failures—this is caused by an arrogant disposition; never permitting others to be higher than themselves, or to be better than themselves—this is caused by an arrogant disposition; never allowing others’ strengths to surpass or exceed their own—this is caused by an arrogant disposition; never permitting others to have better thoughts, suggestions, and views than themselves, and, when they discover that others are better than themselves, becoming negative, not wishing to speak, feeling distressed and dejected, and becoming upset—all of this is caused by an arrogant disposition. An arrogant disposition can make you protective of your reputation, unable to accept others’ corrections, unable to confront your shortcomings, and unable to accept your own failures and mistakes. More than that, when someone is better than you, it can cause hatred and jealousy to emerge in your heart, and you can feel constrained, such that you do not wish to do your duty and become perfunctory in performing it. An arrogant disposition can cause these behaviors and practices to emerge in you” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Conduct). As I pondered God’s words, I felt truly ashamed. Looking back over these years, I had been responsible for the art work, and had accumulated some experience, and I had seen some results in my duties, so I started to put myself on a pedestal, and in my heart, I felt that I was different from ordinary people. I thought my caliber was better than others’, so wherever I went, I wanted to be in front, for others to orient themselves around me and crowd around me, and I felt that my enjoying the high regard of others was my rightful due. When I first watered newcomers, the results were not as good as others’, and the supervisor often pointed out my problems. This was actually a perfectly normal thing, and a truly reasonable person would have been able to handle it correctly. Not only would they have accepted it calmly, but they would have also equipped themselves with the truth to make up for their shortcomings in a down-to-earth way, and to improve the results of their duty. But I was completely lacking in conscience and reason, and when the supervisor and brothers and sisters pointed out the problems in my duty, I was unwilling to face it, let alone summarize my shortcomings, and instead, I secretly competed in my heart, wanting to achieve quick results through my own efforts, so that the brothers and sisters would see that I had good caliber. Because my path and my perspectives behind my pursuit were wrong, God had hidden His face from me, I didn’t progress in my duty for a long time, and my results didn’t improve. However, not only did I not reflect on myself, but I became negative, slacked off, and no longer wanted to water newcomers, and I even thought about transferring duties. I was truly arrogant and conceited and truly lacking in reason!

Later on, I read another passage of God’s words: “Ordinary people may lack such power and status, but they, too, wish to make others hold a favorable view of them, and for people to have a high estimation of them, and elevate them to a high status in their hearts. This is a corrupt disposition, and if people do not understand the truth, they are incapable of recognizing this. … What is their motive in making people think highly of them? (To be given status in such people’s minds.) When you are given status in the mind of someone else, then when they are in your company, they are deferential toward you, and especially polite when they talk to you. They always look up to you, they always let you go first in all things, they give way to you, and they flatter and obey you. In all things, they seek you out and let you make decisions. And you get a sense of enjoyment from this—you feel that you are stronger and better than anyone else. Everyone likes this feeling. This is the feeling of having status in someone’s heart; people wish to indulge in this. This is why people vie for status, and all wish to be given status in others’ hearts, to be esteemed and worshiped by others. If they could not derive such enjoyment from it, they would not pursue status. For example, if you do not have status in someone’s mind, they would engage with you on an equal footing, treating you as an equal. They would contradict you when necessary, they would not be courteous or respectful toward you, and might even leave before you have finished speaking. Would you feel put out? You do not like it when people treat you like this; you like it when they flatter you, look up to you, and worship you at every moment. You like it when you are the center of everything, everything revolves around you, and everyone listens to you, looks up to you, and submits to your direction. Is this not a desire to reign as a king, to have power? Your words and actions are driven by the pursuit and acquisition of status, and you contend, grasp, and compete with others for it. Your goal is to seize a position, and have God’s chosen people listen to you, support you, and worship you. Once you have taken hold of that position, you have then acquired power and can enjoy the benefits of status, admiration from others, and all other advantages that come with that position” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Conduct). God’s words were describing my state. I was always resistant to the duty of watering and I longed for my previous duty. This was because I valued my reputation and status too much, and I coveted the benefits of status. I often reminisced about when I was a supervisor. Back then, the brothers and sisters held me in high regard, and they’d often ask me for advice when they encountered difficulties, and I could guide others. So I felt as though people crowded around me, and that everyone admired and listened to me. I really enjoyed this feeling. But after transferring to watering duty, I found myself falling short in every way compared to others. No one asked for my opinions anymore, and I was often given advice by others. I felt inferior and embarrassed. To salvage my pride and status, I’d work late into the night, secretly putting in effort, hoping that one day I would be able to stand out in the team. But after a period of effort, I saw that my duty results were still the worst, and I felt it was difficult for me to stand out in this duty. I felt uncomfortable and resistant in my heart, and several times I considered requesting a duty reassignment from the leader, as I wanted to return to my original duty and continue enjoying the benefits of status. It was then that I realized that my intentions in my duty weren’t to satisfy God, but for my own reputation and status, to win the admiration of others, so that I could have a place in others’ hearts and so that others would orient themselves around me. Was the path I was taking not exactly that of an antichrist? Before, I hadn’t done the duty of watering, and I didn’t understand much of the truth of visions, but now the church had arranged for me to do this duty, giving me the opportunity to equip myself with the truth and make up for my shortcomings. This was God’s love! But I didn’t think to repay God’s love, and even though I knew that since there were lots more newcomers, more waterers were needed, I wanted to give up my watering duty. I preferred to let the work be damaged than see my reputation and status be affected, and I placed more importance on my reputation and status than on my duty. I was truly unworthy of living before God! During those days, I often prayed to God, asking Him to enlighten me to understand the root of my pursuit of reputation and status.

One day, I read God’s words: “Born into such a filthy land, man has been infected by society to a severe extent, he has been influenced by feudal ethics, and he has been taught at ‘institutes of higher learning.’ The backward thinking, corrupt morality, mean view on life, despicable philosophy for worldly dealings, utterly worthless existence, and depraved lifestyle and customs—all of these things have severely intruded upon man’s heart, and severely undermined and attacked his conscience. As a result, man is ever more distant from God, and ever more opposed to Him” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. To Have an Unchanged Disposition Is to Be in Enmity to God). “What does Satan use to keep man firmly within its control? (Fame and gain.) So, Satan uses fame and gain to control man’s thoughts, until all people can think of is fame and gain. They struggle for fame and gain, suffer hardships for fame and gain, endure humiliation for fame and gain, sacrifice everything they have for fame and gain, and they will make any judgment or decision for the sake of fame and gain. In this way, Satan binds people with invisible shackles, and, wearing these shackles, they have neither the strength nor the courage to throw them off. They unknowingly bear these shackles and trudge ever onward with great difficulty. For the sake of this fame and gain, mankind shuns God and betrays Him and becomes increasingly wicked. In this way, therefore, one generation after another is destroyed in the midst of Satan’s fame and gain” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). From God’s words, I understood that I was constantly pursuing reputation and status because I was being controlled by Satan’s poison. Since childhood, my parents and teachers taught me that “One must endure the greatest hardships in order to become the greatest of men,” “Better to be a big fish in a small pond,” and “Men should always strive to be better than their contemporaries.” I took these satanic philosophies and laws as criteria by which to conduct myself. I believed that only by gaining reputation and status and being admired and worshiped by others could one live with dignity and worth, and that if one is an ordinary person without anyone’s admiration or worship, then life is undignified, pathetic, and meaningless. I thought back on my school days. In the subjects I excelled at and ranked high in, and in which my teachers and classmates looked up to me, I was willing to put effort into those subjects and study hard. But when it came to subjects I wasn’t good at, and nobody admired me, I was unwilling to put in the effort to study. Everything I did was based on whether it benefited my pride and status. Even after finding God, I still held onto this viewpoint. When I did my duty as the supervisor of the art team, because I had some basic graphic design skills and could guide the brothers and sisters in their duties, they all admired me, and I really enjoyed this feeling. I was full of motivation in my duty, and no matter how much I suffered and how difficult things got, I never backed down. But after starting the duty of watering newcomers, many of my problems and shortcomings were exposed, and my brothers and sisters no longer praised me, and kept pointing out my problems instead. The results of my duty became the worst in the team, and this huge fall from grace made me feel embarrassed, and filled my heart with pain and distress. I lost motivation to do my duty and I even considered giving it up. I regarded reputation and status to be as important as life itself, and I was constantly anxious about losing them, as if living without being admired would be meaningless. I had truly been deeply corrupted by Satan! God had graced me, giving me the opportunity to do my duty, hoping that I would pursue dispositional change and enter the truth reality in my duty, and that I’d be able to seek the truth to resolve problems and do my duty according to principles. But I kept relentlessly pursuing reputation and status, and even after having watered newcomers for a very long time, I still didn’t even know how to fellowship the truth to solve their problems and difficulties, and I couldn’t even clearly fellowship on the truths of visions. If I remained obstinate in my incorrectness, relentlessly pursuing reputation and status, not only would I fail to fulfill my duty, but I would also fail to obtain any truth, and I would ultimately ruin my chance to be saved. I thought of an evil person I once knew, named Lester, who wholeheartedly pursued reputation and status. Because he couldn’t become a leader or a worker, he complained and resisted, and he failed to do his duty properly. He often judged the leaders and workers in front of the brothers and sisters, and tried to form factions in the church, causing serious disruptions and disturbances in church life. Despite the brothers and sisters repeatedly offering fellowship and help, he never turned himself around, and eventually, he was cleared out of the church. Although I didn’t commit such evil deeds as he did, I was still like him, pursuing reputation and status wholeheartedly, and if I continued to be unrepentant, I would ultimately be revealed and eliminated by God just like an evil person! In the past, I thought that pursuing others’ admiration showed aspiration and ambition, that it meant one was eager to strive ahead, and that such a pursuit was positive, but now I realized that the pursuit of reputation and status is not the right path. Pursuing reputation and status made me very fragile, and unable to endure even the smallest failure or setback. It made me drift further away from God, betray God, and lose my sense of conscience and reason, and ultimately I would be spurned and eliminated by God. Thankfully, God’s words awakened me, and from then on, I decided I could no longer live for reputation and status, and that I had to change the way I live.

A few days later, the supervisor played a greeting video from the newcomers in the Philippines. Many newcomers expressed gratitude to the brothers and sisters from China, and they thanked the brothers and sisters for preaching Almighty God’s gospel of the kingdom to the Philippines. Many newcomers had resolved to work hard to preach the gospel and be loyal in their duties. Especially when I heard a newcomer say that Almighty God’s words were the light in his life, I felt very touched and couldn’t help but burst into tears. I thought about how there are still so many people longing for the Savior’s return, wanting to find light, wanting to find God, but for various reasons, they have not come before God. It was such an honor for me to be able to do my duty of watering newcomers, and to bring more people before God and help them lay a foundation on the true way! But because this duty wasn’t my forte, and it didn’t allow me to stand out, I just wanted to dodge it. In what way did I have any humanity? I was completely unworthy of enjoying God’s love! I thought about how some of these newcomers had only believed in God for a year or a few months. They faced so many difficulties in preaching the gospel, but they had pure hearts and refused to give up on their duties, no matter what. Yet I’d believed in God for ten years, and I had received so much from God, but I was still unable to consider God’s intentions. I truly didn’t deserve to be called human! In that moment, remorse and guilt overwhelmed me. In my heart, I said to God, “God, I have been so rebellious! From now on, I am willing to submit to Your orchestrations and arrangements, and no matter how others see me, I am willing to do my duty well with all my heart.” From that moment on, when the supervisor and brothers and sisters pointed out my issues, I no longer felt so distressed as before, nor did I want to run away. Instead, I was able to accept and acknowledge these things from my heart, and afterward, I was able to equip myself with the truths and principles to address my shortcomings. After a while, more and more of the newcomers I watered were able to attend gatherings regularly, and some even began to actively preach the gospel and brought even more people before God. The supervisor also said that I’d made great progress. I was sincerely grateful for God’s guidance.

In 2024, according to the needs of the work, the church asked me to return to the art team. The team leader asked me to learn how to make videos while creating images. Since I had never made videos before, my video-making speed was very slow. In the time it took others to make three videos, I could only make one. I worked hard for more than a month to learn how to do it, but my speed still couldn’t catch up with the other brothers and sisters, and the final edits lacked aesthetic appeal and didn’t meet the required standards. The team leader showed me videos made by other brothers and sisters and urged me to learn from them. I felt really distressed. I’d worked so hard, but I was still at the bottom of the pile in this duty. I felt that rather than embarrassing myself with this, it would be better to talk to the leader, and ask to return to my watering duty. I had been in the watering team for over a year, and gradually, I’d been getting familiar with it. I felt if I could return to watering duty, I wouldn’t be so embarrassed. At that moment, I suddenly realized that my state was wrong. How could I think like this? I had some foundational skills in graphic design, so as long as I studied in a down-to-earth manner, I could slowly get the hang of it. If I left the art team at this point for the sake of my own reputation and status, would I not be forsaking my duty? In this, I wouldn’t be truly submitting to God!

Later, I sought the truth to address my own state. During my devotionals, I read God’s words: “Since you wish to remain peacefully in God’s house as a member, you should first learn how to be a good created being and fulfill your duties according to your place. In God’s house, you would then become a created being that lives up to its name. Created being is your outward identity and title, and it should come with specific manifestations and substance. It’s not just about having the title; but since you are a created being, you should fulfill the duties of a created being. Since you are a created being, you should fulfill the responsibilities of such. So, what are the duties and responsibilities of a created being? God’s word clearly lays out the duties, obligations, and responsibilities of created beings, doesn’t it? From today onward, you are a genuine member of God’s house, that is to say, you acknowledge yourself as one of the created beings of God. Consequently, from today, you should reformulate your life plans. You should no longer pursue but should let go of the aspirations, desires, and goals you previously set for your life. Instead, you should change your identity and perspective in order to plan the life goals and direction that a created being should have. First and foremost, your goals and direction should not be to become a leader, or to lead or excel in any industry, or to become a renowned figure who carries out a certain task or masters a particular skill. Your goal should be to accept your duty from God, that is, to know what work you should be doing now, at this moment, and to understand what duty you need to perform. You need to ask what God requires of you and what duty has been arranged for you in His house. You should understand and gain clarity on the principles that should be understood, laid hold of, and followed regarding that duty. If you can’t remember them, you can write them down on paper or record them on your computer. Take the time to review them and ponder over them. As a member of created beings, your primary life goal should be to fulfill your duty as a created being and be a qualified created being. This is the most fundamental life goal you should have. Second and more specific is how to fulfill your duty as a created being and be a qualified created being. Of course, any goals or directions related to your reputation, status, vanity, future, and so on should be relinquished” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (7)). God’s words gave me a path of practice and helped me find the right goal to pursue. In the past, when I was doing watering duty, it was under God’s permission and sovereignty, and now, returning to the art team and doing this duty was also God’s orchestration and arrangement, and it was for the needs of the work of God’s house. What God values is not how great my achievements are, or how many people admire and worship me. Instead, what God values is my heart, my attitude toward my duty, whether I am really diligent and responsible, whether I truly do my duty with loyalty, and whether I submit to Him. I cannot only seek to do what I am good at, nor can I live to seek the admiration of others. I should live to fulfill the duty of a created being and to satisfy God and repay God’s love. I had to correct my attitude toward my duty. At this point, the quality and efficiency of my video production wasn’t as good as others, so I had to summarize more on my deviations and problems, focus more on learning to make up for my deficiencies, and fulfill my current duty in a down-to-earth way. This is what would align with God’s intentions. Realizing these things, I no longer thought about how to escape my current duty. Instead, I focused on learning techniques in a down-to-earth manner, and when I encountered things I did not understand, I would actively ask my brothers and sisters for help. Before I knew it, half a year passed, I had gradually become familiar with the technical skills required for my duty, and the results of my duty were better than ever before.

Looking back on this journey, although I revealed much corruption in the matter of being reassigned to different duties, I made up for many of my shortcomings by doing different duties. The most important thing was that I came to see my wrong perspectives behind my pursuit clearly. If it weren’t for God arranging situations to reveal my corrupt disposition, I would still be pursuing reputation and status, and I still wouldn’t know how to treat my duty correctly. Now, I understand what is most valuable to pursue, and how to submit to God and fulfill the duty of a created being, and I also feel that the situations God arranges are all to save me. Thank God!